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"I found myself once more at the table in that bakery. It was inevitable, no matter how hard I tried, it was impossible to contain the curiosity I had about the whereabouts of the handsome waiter.
I mused my thoughts while I drew up some scribbles of the young man leaning on the counter on the other side of the bakery; he had his arms crossed and smiled at the beautiful waitress, Guinevere if I remember, the girl laughed and pushed him lightly."
Arthur watched the two of them with an enchanted gaze, admiring both employees and drawing them both. It was typical for the young painter to paint them.
He didn't recall how it all started, how this feeling, this necessity came, it all felt too new, weird perhaps, but Arthur enjoyed it.
Arthur was fascinated with everything in the boy. Not even the sky was as blue as his eyes, the sun wasn't as gleaming as his smile, and for sure, the birds envied him.
The painter would spend all day listening to the boy's sweet voice tell him of the different adventures he had had and his brilliant and perhaps clueless thoughts and ideas.
"I continued with my doodles of the young people until I noticed the man's eyes on me. He was looking at me in a confused way, my face burned, and I could feel my chest craving.
I smiled awkwardly towards the boy and the same return.
I turned my gaze to the small notebook I had in hand and finished the last lines of the drawing. The boy was a living work of art, his features seemed to have been carved by hand, and little by little, I found myself enchanted by the beauty of the young waiter."
Arthur spent every afternoon at the bakery just admiring him.
He had exchanged a few words with the man, but incredibly he had never asked his name; he felt stupid for such a fact.
He had no idea how to start a dialogue with the boy; he felt embarrassed, like he was twelve years old again.
Arthur would just arrived at the bakery and sat at the most secluded table and spend hours there just drawing and organising his thoughts, waiting for the man to approach him, talk to him.
But little did he know the waiter, Merlin, shared the same thought. Every day he saw the blonde walk towards the same table and stay there for almost the entire duration of his shift; he couldn't understand what the man so much stared at him.
Merlin did know Arthur; everyone knew him. He was the next CEO of "penlibur galleries". His father, Uther Pendragon, who has been trying to buy the bakery for the past two months, tried to close the establishment, stating that Merlin's family had stolen part of the gallery land.
"I was distracted by my thoughts about the blond boy sitting at the isolated table in the bakery that I didn't even hear Gwen inform me that we had another order; she had to nudge my arm to get me out of my apprehensive world.
"a lemon pie and the bill", she pronounced a little impatient as I asked for the third time the same order "which table," I asked, smiling and expecting a flick from the young woman.
Still, she just replied in a dull tone, "table 29, merlin, twenty-nine" she emphasised the last part and massaged the space between her eyebrows.
Table 29, well, the artist's table.
I added a small chocolate truffle to the man's plate and walked towards his table. It had become normal behaviour to add little extras to the blonde's requests as an inefficient way of flirting with him."
Merlin delivered the order to Arthur and soon noticed a slight smile appear at the corner of the blonde's mouth, making him repeat the action and return to the counter, the shelter for all his feelings.
The two exchanged a few glances before Arthur got up, went to the counter, handed the envelope with the payment to Merlin, and left.
Once again, the day was gone, and not a single word was said.
"I left the bakery one more day without saying one word to the boy; I had three drawings of him in my notebook.
How come a waiter screw up my head so much? I patted my head and uttered some curses as I walked through the streets.
I threw myself on the couch as soon as I arrived home. I opened my notebook and saw several pages with detailed drawings down to the pastry man's last stitches.
And once again, I had forgotten to draw something apart from the artistic lines the boy carried with him."
Uther had already sworn it to replace Arthurs contract with his sisters if he were to frequent the bakery again, childish Arthur would say.
In this way, Arthus kept his visits to the bakery a secret.
"On my way to the gallery, I draw the view outside. The sunset painted the sky with a dark orange and yellow, a glorious sight.
I draw ridiculous caricatures of my dad but remove the pages from my notebook before entering the gallery.
I'm not an idiot."
Arthur walked to his father’s office and handled the notebook without a word; Uther reviewed each drawing, selected a few with a satisfied look, and handed the small pad of sheets back to his son.
The younger rolled his eyes in annoyance and left the office.
He met Lancelot, a sculptor who also had his works on display in the gallery on his way out. They were good friends, but the dispute for the title of reference artist for the gallery was typical, and provocations between the two were constantly shared.
Arthur stared at Lancelot as he uttered taunts related to Arthur's 'scribbles' with a cynical smile on his face. Arthur laughed and rolled his eyes.
"You know I'm just kidding when I say that, don't you?" Lance smiled and patted Arthur on the shoulder.
"Obviously, after all, you need to get attention somehow" as soon as he said it, Lance burst out laughing just like Arthur. "That went too far, but it's necessary, sir" Lancelot smiled and bowed in respect, annoying Arthur. Being treated like someone important, like his father, bothered him.
He left that afternoon and came back to his flat. Arthur laid down on his bed and admired the blank and boring ceiling. The thoughts about the waiter soon came up, and Arthur couldn't sleep.
In the morning of the next day, Arthur sat at the same table as usual but didn't make a single order, just sat and stared at nothing while brooding over his thoughts.
He opened his notebook but noticed the man wasn't there. A sudden melancholy feeling filled his chest, and the atmosphere seemed different, tedious.
He left earlier that afternoon and went back to his apartment. He threw himself defeated on the sofa in his living room and stared at the blank white ceiling once again, imagining thousands of canvas that could fill the dull "emptiness".
Arthur was about to fall asleep when he heard the ringing of his cell phone.
"I answered the phone, and soon my father's screams started; besides the swearing, the only thing I understood was his questioning where the hell I was. I put away my cell phone and soon realised.
I was going to have the first fall exhibition, and I was late.
I ran into the bedroom and changed my clothes, and headed for the gallery. I could already foresee my father's dissatisfied screams and Morgana's smile, hoping my contract would be ruined.
As soon as I got to the gallery, my father stopped me "where the hell have you been? You're fifteen minutes late," he said through his teeth. "This is the last time, do you understand?" he said next to my face.
"Yes father, I'm sorry, I forgot about the exhibition", and I soon regretted it. "You forgot? Is this whole job a joke to you" he said, articulating, "If you arrive late one more time, even for a second, I swear I won't hesitate before passing your contract to your sister, do you hear me" he uttered his words in a loud tone.
I looked around, and there it was that satisfied smile. Morgana was standing behind my father and had her arms crossed.
Uther finished his entire speech, collected himself, then made his way up to greet his guests.
I walked past Morgana, and soon she let out her laugh. "Were you at the bakery again?" she joked, but I ignored her. "Oh please, it's obvious your obsession with that poor boy", she laughed again. "Come on, brother, I saw you today, and yesterday, and the day before that."
I soon stopped and turned to her, "Do you think that scares me?" I said, laughing
"I know it will if I tell father" Morgana tilted her head and smiled.
I tried to ignore her final statement and entered the gallery. I knew she was going to tell my father.
I never understood her devotion to attention. She envied me; I knew that, but I never knew why.
How could someone wish to be controlled, follow traditions, rules and expectations?
How could someone want to be unhappy and forced to be someone you're not.
I stood next to my paintings, thinking as I watched the final guests entered the place; they were all dressed formally, some women wore dresses and big jewellery, nothing more than an exaggeration for just one art exhibition.
I still had my eyes on the entrance when a younger group entered the room. As soon as I directed my gaze to the group, I could recognise one of the members.
The guy from the bakery was accompanied by a couple who appeared to be the same age, maybe a few years older, and a dark-haired guy; he had a smile on his face and talked to the couple; they laughed at something he said.
I averted my gaze and attended to a few people admiring the paintings on the gallery walls.
I spent a few minutes listening to an elderly couple who asked me what brushes, paints and canvas I had used.
I was distracted by the couple and didn't notice the group behind them. The boy looked in my direction with a small smile.
I felt the moment stopped when we exchanged looks were the only time life made sense; I remained admiring him as they approached.
I directed my gaze to the couple who had entered the gallery with the waiter; they praised my paintings and spent a few minutes in front of the exhibitions.
Soon, the boy approached and greeted me. "You look familiar. Do you go to the bakery in the right centre often?" he said in a joking tone. I laughed and nodded. "I spend a lot of my time there; I never noticed you there" he rolled his eyes and smiled. "Merlin", he held out his hand,
Merlin. m-e-r-l-i-n
"Arthur", I took his hand and shook it.
"Great paintings you have; they are beautiful," he said beside me as he smiled at the paintings. "Picasso would be jealous. I would say," he looked at me out of the corner of his eye and laughed. I positioned myself to say something, but a voice interrupted. "Painting's great, friend. You did all that?"
I replied, confused and looked at Merlin, who was holding back laughter and had a hand massaged his temples.
"They're very nice, congratulations" he patted me on the back, and I could see out of the corner of my eye that my father was staring at the scene
"Thank you, very kind of you" I smiled nervously and turned my gaze to the boy "Gwaine, nice to meet you" he stopped and threw his arm around Merlin's neck.
I tried to ignore the signs of affection that Gwaine directed Merlin, but it was inevitable.
I knew I was hurt, but the pain in my chest made it feel much more significant. Merlin was charming, and I felt silly for not because the boy would be in a relationship.
Merlin and the group left the gallery after some time. He gave me a small smile; I responded and saw my father approaching from the corner of my eye.
"Did you invite the waiter?" he asked.
He had a threatening posture and his hands behind his body.
"He goes there often, father, didn't you know" Morgana stated with a smile. "They're friends". She's evil "
"Best friend's, I would say," so evil.
"I didn't", Uther hissed. "Is that true? Tell me," he commanded, and I explained in a lower voice,
"Yes, father, but I'm not friends with the boy. I don't know why he came here."
"Arthur, I look, these people aren't enough for you, and I don't want you to be wasting time in futile places when you could be painting important people and artists", he exclaimed. "You must tell the boy not to come back," he insisted and left.
I left the gallery right after him and headed to a park near the place, it was already getting dark, and the sun painted the sky a majestic orange.
My mother used to say that when artists die and go to heave, they are allowed to paint in the afternoons and mornings, so the living can admire their art even after they leave.
I spent time at the site reviewing my father's words. It was incredible the stupidity of someone who had lived so long; how could he think he was so important just by the amount of money he had.
I went to my apartment, and Merlin was the only one on my mind; his voice was charming, his smile, his gaze; Picasso would be jealous with the work of art that boy was.
The next day went on like all the others, but I could exchange a few words with Merlin during his breaks this time.
"You always have that notebook with you, like every time you come here, and honestly, I'm relieved that you're an artist and not an inspector" I laughed a little startling with such presumption, "An inspector?" I asked, laughing.
"Look, don't judge me, okay? You come here looking all intimidating and serious and then remove the notebook and start doodling; what else could I think" he laughed, trying to defend himself.
"We're off the subject", he exclaimed
"Can I see the drawings that didn't make it to the screen?" He asks, putting his hands together.
"Maybe another day", I say, embarrassed. Gwen calls him, signalling the end of his break".
As the young man returns to work, Arthur begins his drawings.
He was finishing a drawing of a lady sitting on the other side of the bakery when Arthur felt a breath in her ear; he closed the notebook as fast as possible.
Merlin laughed at the blonde's reaction and handed the order to the same. On the plate was a lemon pie and two chocolate truffles.
"Merlin, I didn't order the truffles. I think you got the orders mixed up" Arthur offered the dish back to the boy, and he smiled.
"No mistake, you're the only one who orders the lemon pie, and I honestly don't know why, because it's the worst candy in the house", he laughed. "The truffles are on the house. It's good not to get the taste of the pie in your mouth. It's horrible" Merlin emphasised the last part, and Arthur laughed with the waiter's bad evaluation and thanked
At the end of the day, when most of the customers had already left, Merlin sat next to Arthur, but this time he didn't sit in front of the blonde but beside him.
"If you're not going to show me the drawings, you can draw something", Arthur considered "or someone" Merlin spoke as he leaned back against the cushioned part of the bench. Arthur gave up and started to draw the boy, who had his eyes fixed on the blonde and secretly admired him blushing a few times.
As soon as Arthur finished, Merlin turned his gaze to the drawing for the first time and saw that Arthur had drawn it in the cartoonish and horrific model.
Merlin laughed at the audacity of the artist and took the drawing in hand. "Did you paint those canvases in the gallery?" He asked as he showed Arthur the contents of the notebook.
The blonde laughed at the boy's anger and couldn't help but feel enchanted by the smile that Merlin had plastered on his face.
The two spent a few more minutes sitting and laughing at each other's teasing until the bakery's closing time.
On his way to the exit, Arthur turned to Merlin, cleaning some tables. "There will be another exhibition this Saturday, so-" Arthur considered quitting, but Merlin soon replied, "I'll be there" he smiled and quickly reprimanded himself ", I have to" He smiled. "I have to tell everyone that you're a fraud and that you can't draw, looks said as he took out the small piece of paper Arthur had given him with the caricature.
As soon as Arthur left the place, Merlin took the envelopes with payments from the tables, including Arthur's, which had a small sheet of paper along with the money.
He took the paper in hand and opened it. As soon as he saw the contents, he was surprised by the beautiful drawing of himself. He analysed the figure and then noticed that a telephone number was in the bottom corner of the sheet.
He smiled, satisfied with the drawing, and looked towards the exit, but the author of the picture had already leaven.
He wasn't sure if Merlin liked the sketch and didn't have the strength to wait for the boy's reaction.
Saturday came along with Arthur's anxiety and nervousness. He was standing in front of his new screens and waiting anxiously for the boy to enter. He expected him to come alone, and so he did.
Arthur saw the brunette enter the gallery, and his heart seemed to want to come out of his mouth. Merlin approached him, he tried to greet the artist, but his eyes quickly settled on the beautiful can of the bakery, his bakery.
The artist blushed slightly as h saw the brunette's reaction. "Arthur, this is beautiful- " he was going to say something but soon realised he was part of the painting and then started to laugh "it's me, I'm in the painting, Arthur," Merlin said delightedly as he tendered his gaze between the painting and the artist.
"So, did you like it?" Arthur asked, already knowing the answer. Merlin looked at him and replied in a tone of irony, "I hated it" he laughed, "Arthur, you painted the bakery, of course, I loved it" they both smiled.
They spent some time admiring the canvases, and soon Arthur gathered the strength and asked what was on his mind so much. "You came alone", he said, still looking at his painting.
"Yes," Merlin replied and looked back at his feet for a moment. "Gwaine", Arthur dared to ask. "A friend", the boy replied, and Arthur nodded. "Just a friend," he asked, fearing the answer "Just a friend", Merlin assured and directed his gaze to the artist who was trying to contain his smile. "Good...Good," he said and looked at the brunette, who was smiling like a fool.
There they stayed, not saying a word, just smiling and looking deeply into the other's eyes, afraid of losing them.
Arthur pushed the boy lightly with his shoulder and signalled for the exit.
They walked towards the park, and on their way, Arthur could see his father's disapproving look, but he ignored it.
They followed through the small woods, pleased with the other's presence. Merlin was the one to break the silence.
"Thank you" Arthur stopped and gave the boy a confused look. "For the drawing", Merlin continued ", the one you put together with the payment" he smiled and approached the artist. "I liked it" Arthur smiled in response and got slightly close to the brunette.
They were so close; they could feel each other's breath and temptation. The world seemed to stop, and the two got closer and closer and-
"Arthur"
The artist heard his father's screams and took a deep breath. "I need to go" Arthur disentangled his hands from the boy's. "I'll see you tomorrow" he smiled and left the boy.
Both were frustrated and dazzled with the moment they had.
He followed the path to his father. "What do you think you are doing" Arthur stared at him, frightened
"Father is not what your thinking; I'm not friends with that waiter" Arthur stopped and took a deep breath
"What are you trying to say" The eldest tilted his head and crossed his arms
"I'm going to convince him to sell us the bakery", Arthur lied. Uther positioned a hand on his son's shoulder. "I knew you weren't going to disappoint me" Arthur looked deep into his father's eyes and smiled sadly.
Uther smiled with the boy’s attitude and soon left for the gallery.
Arthur remained still, hating the situation he just got himself in.
"You're a great liar, Arthur, but a stupid one", Morgana's voice echoed in his ears. "We both know it's just a matter of time until dad realises that this whole 'plan' of yours is not true" she smiled contentedly towards the blonde. "It was the stupidest thing you've ever done," she said as she headed towards the gallery.
Arthur sighed and left the place. He walked through the streets for a long time, not sure where to go.
He had got himself in the worst scenario possible, and simply because of Merlin, he lied to his father, and he wasn't even sure why.
That stressed him.
Besides that, he couldn't get his sister's words out of his head. He had never understood the hatred Morgana felt towards him. She always wanted to have her painting displayed in the gallery.
Still, Uther considered them too melancholy for the gallery and not modern enough, but Arthur had always disagreed with his father.
It was remarkable that he didn't understand anything about art. He called Lancelot's sculptures "just clay puppets," which always drew a tedious look from the young man.
Arthur had always been his favourite, and it was remarkable that this glorification Uther created generated jealousy in Morgana. Still, he never understood how the young woman would like to be in his place, to be controlled and have to live in his father's traditions.
He knew that the only thing the young woman wanted was fame, having lunch with celebrities and being at every party, having all the contacts.
There was no love for art.
Arthur passed in front of the bakery and soon remembered the moment he had had with Merlin. They were so close and so far away. They were the same and uniques, and it bothered him how he could feel so complete and a half simultaneously.
Those feelings didn't make sense; they had different meanings; they weren't antonyms like the two.
Was it love or just a mere illusion?
Was it the desire to spend the rest of his life with the waiter, or just the adrenaline of a forbidden romance;
Would it be happiness or self-destruction;
Was it his rationality talking or just the desire to show his father he wasn't perfect.
Arthur was confused; did he no longer know what he felt, or would he be distressed?
Riled up?
Bewildered?
Scared?
Discredited?
He only knew one thing, all these thoughts would drive him crazy and losing his mind was all he didn't need right now, which started a fit of anger inside him.
He was confused with all his feelings, and he needed a break.
He didn’t go to the bakery the next day, either the next or the following week.
He had stayed at home drawing what he had in mind and when looking at the sea of leaves had on the ground, he saw only the facade of the bakery and the beautiful smile of Merlin.
He was lost, he had tried not to drown in his feelings for the boy, but it was inevitable. Merlin didn't get out of his head for a minute, and he hated it; he hated the boy and hated all the feelings he had developed for him.
He couldn't stand this feeling of defeat. He wanted to crush all the butterflies that appeared in his stomach every time the boy looked at him. He wished he could sleep without the waiter invading his dreams and uttering lying words to the blonde. He hated Merlin for it, for being able to take him apart with just a smile or less than that, for making the blonde spend hours and hours just thinking about the boy's voice, how his lips would look when on his and how he wanted to make him the happiest man in the world.
Arthur broods over these feelings as he picks up the drawings and dumps them in the trash.
He then heard a knock on his apartment door. He collected himself and walked to the door, opening it halfway and revealing Lancelot, who soon offered the artist a wistful smile. "What do you want Lancelot, now is not a good time to brag," he said, already closing the door, but the sculptor stopped him. "I know, I didn't come here for that," he said, breaking his smile. "I brought someone" Arthur left Lancelot to open the door, fully revealing Merlin behind him.
"Merlin," he said in some contempt which left both Lancelot and Merlin amazed by such behaviour. "Take him away, Lancelot," Arthur said and then tried to close the door again, but this time Merlin stopped him. "What do you mean 'take him away'" he asked indignantly.
Arthur had given up on closing the door and just walked towards his living room while Merlin spewed curses after the blonde. "What is wrong with you," he said and pushed Arthur's back. That only made the artist's stress worse. Arthur denied. "Merlin, leave; I’m not going to talk to you right now."
"We need to talk, and I’m not leaving until you tell me it’s not true" Arthur turned to him incredulous ", What are you talking about."
"Your sister told me you just wanted to convince me to sell you the bakery", he spoke in a lower voice. "Tell me that's not true."
Arthur ran his hands through his hair, his head hurt, and he couldn't think straight.
"Merlin, I'll talk with you tomorrow, please leave", Arthur tried, but Merlin interrupted him.
"No! How do you expect me to leave you after everything that happened," Merlin said, irritated, and his voice cracked
"Nothing happened, Merlin" Arthur turned to the boy.
"What the hell is that what we have between us, Arthur," Merlin asks already with blurry eyes. "One day, you invite me to the exhibition, then hands me a drawing; threatens to kiss me, and then your sister tells me that everything was fake, and when I ask you to tell me it’s not true, you expect me to leave?” Merlin said, holding back his tears, and seeing him like this just broke Arthurs heart even more.
"if you regret something, if you just got confused, I understand, but at least say it in front of me and stop being a coward", Merlin muttered and looked deeply at the blonde.
"Go away, Merlin, it has nothing to do with that", Arthur now lumped in, and his eyes clouded.
He wanted to tell him the truth; he had the words right on the tip of his tongue, but they wouldn't come out.
"Then tell me what the hell is wrong, why did your sister tell me such a thing and why are you acting so damn weird," Merlin said in a pitched voice.
"I like the way we have nothing, but we also have everything. I like the way I can't call you mine, but I also can't say I don't have you; I like the way you stole my heart without stealing because deep down it was always yours, I just don't know what happens between us, and that's the most beautiful feeling that's ever happened to me." Arthur thought.
That's what he wanted to say, what he wrote a thousand times in his notebook; that was the way he felt.
the proper way he felt, but for some reason, he couldn't profound the words, and he hated it
"Nothing happened between us, I'm sorry", he lied.
"What's wrong with you," Merlin said impatiently.
"You," Arthur said in a louder tone.
"You are responsible for all these horrible thoughts I have," he said as he signalled with his forefingers to his head.
"I don't have a minute of peace; I can't think of anything else, and I'm letting everyone down; I’m disappointing everyone because of you" Arthur now walked towards Merlin while he walked away from the blonde.
"I hate thinking about you all the time,
I hate that I close my eyes and see only you,
I hate to think you're the perfect work of art I've ever seen,
I hate that I can't display paintings of you for all the world to see,
I hate how I was able to give up my job just so I could make you happy,
I hate how you smile at me every time I meet you,
I hate how your voice sounds like music to my ears, and I, you said they you don't. No matter how many times I try, I can't find a single flaw in you,
I hate all these feelings, and I hate the fact that I say 'I hate you when I mean the opposite." Arthur thought
"Nothing happened, do you understand that" he uttered the last part in a whisper so that only the boy listened and then if realised that he was with his back pressed against the wall of the door to the kitchen. "I just ask you to leave me alone; I don't want more trouble", Arthur finally said.
"Please don't make me go," Merlin said, giving up on holding back his tears.
"Merlin, just get out of my life", the artist said gruffly; he knew these words weren't valid and that all he wanted most was to have the brunette in his arms.
"Why are you trying so hard to have me gone" Merlin ask and Arthur's eyes widened. He wanted to go after the boy but couldn't. "You're such a coward."
And that very night, Arthur had lost the only person that mattered.
The next day, Arthur tried to call Merlin, but he ignored his calls. He looked for the boy in the bakery but found no one. Arthur just wanted to see the boy who tormented his sleep every night. He wishes to wrap him in his arms and never let go.
He spent the entire day going over all the events of the night before, and as hard as he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about Merlin. He couldn't imagine where the boy was, and it was killing him.
Arthur tried to call Merlin again and snorted as he landed on the voicemail. He went to his apartment and thought again about how he had broken Merlin's heart.
That night, Arthur wept, wept in silence, hiding ashamed of himself, cried with anger, fear, perhaps sadness, wept because he missed his friend, and no matter how much he denied it out loud, he knew that the truth was always in front of him. The boy could mess with his head with just a smile, and it bothered him, he felt vulnerable, and he loved it but hated how weak he was.
He wanted to tell him everything but he couldn't he didn't want to, he was afraid.
But afraid to have him?
To be the happiest man on earth?
To wake up every morning and have the boy laid beside him?
Was he scared to have him in his arms?
I was afraid to love him.
Later that night, a heavy rain came, and Arthur, now calmer, took the time to watch a movie that was on TV.
He didn't watch the movie, just watched the TV and hoped he'd fall asleep right away. It was then that a light knock on the door caught his attention.
He got up lazily and headed for the door. He opened it from the inside, and the soaked figure of Merlin was present. Arthur stared at the startled brunet, a little anxious.
"Gwen is out of town and..." he stopped and took a deep breath, impatient, Arthur realised "I missed the last bus, and I don't know anyone else in this region" Merlin blinked slowly and avoided looking at the blonde "can I come in," he asked arching his eyebrows and shaking his head slightly.
"Sure, you can stay," Arthur said hurriedly as he gave space for the brunette to enter. "I'll get a towel and some clothes changes" Arthur smiled weakly, but Merlin ignored him.
He was still angry; Arthur didn't blame him, But he missed Merlin’s smile and animated figure.
Arthur returned to the living room with a change of clothes and a towel with some toiletries for Merlin. "The bathroom is on the second door on the right", he offered the towel, and the boy accepted, muttering a thank you.
The artist prepared dinner and set the table for the boy. He changed the tablecloth a few times; they all looked too colourful, and d; he tidied and messed up the cutlery.
Arthur laughed at his behaviour and finished setting the table at last. He set the table, and as soon as he turned to the room, he found Merlin leaning against the door frame. He was wearing a set of the blonde's pyjamas and had a weird look on his face.
Anger? Maybe disgust?
"Dinner's ready" Arthur smiled awkwardly at his friend, who just nodded and sat down at the table.
They ate in silence. Arthur didn't dare say anything to the boy;
"Why did you call me," Merlin asked, leaving the cutlery beside his plate.
"I don't know, I wanted to apologise", Arthur mumbled, and the waiter laughed in disdain.
"Look, Merlin, what Morgana-"
"Please", the boy whispered. "I understand, okay", Merlin said quietly and finished his meal.
"I'm sorry for what I said", Merlin sighed, annoyed at the blondes words. "I was an idiot", he said and threatened to take the other's hand, but the boy got up abruptly and left the kitchen.
"Merlin, please let me explain; I'm sorry", Arthur pronounced with some desperation in his voice.
"Sorry doesn't fix everything, Arthur."
"Stop being so dramatic and let me explain the truth", he exclaimed, and that just enraged more his friend.
"Shut up, just shut up."
"Don't tell me to shut up."
"Shut up", he pronounced every syllable
"Look, I'm sorry, it's all my fault."
"well, well, look, we have ourselves a Sherlock Holmes."
"I didn't mean to say those words."
"Oh my god, I don't care. Can you please just leave?"
"That's my house! Are you even listening to me?"
"You're so pathetic."
"Merlin", he shouted, and the boy rolled his eyes "Merlin", Arthur repeated silently and was this moment, we saw how close they were. "I don't want to lose you."
"Oh please", Merlin pronounced and pushed the artist softly
"You're not leaving, are you" the concern in his voice made Merlin stop. He didn't dare look at his friend. "You know I lied to you that night, so why are you acting up like that."
He was now facing Arthur; the blonde approached him and took the boy's hand in his "Don't touch me", Merlin said, pulling his hand.
"Can't we just not talk about any of this? Go ahead with the night and stay far away from each other?"
"I don't want that", Arthur said, distressed, and noticed that Merlin kept an intact posture. "I can't let you go, Merlin."
"If you walk away, everything that we had is over, and that terrifies me. What if I never get over you? What if I continue to wake up every day of my life and wish to have you so badly that my head hurts thinking about all the things I could've said to you? What if I never forget you? What if all my life when I meet someone I can never fall for them because they aren't you?" He thought once again
These very thoughts seemed like the right words to say.
He was anxious; his friend's face reddened. He was holding back his tears; Arthur hated seeing him like this.
And the fact that he caused everything broke his heart even more.
"Merlin", he said softly;
Arthur felt like he was in a minefield, a wrong word and his chance to do something right was over. Arthur chose the following terms carefully and walked away from Merlin, giving the boy some space.
"I don't regret anything that happened between us."
"There was nothing between us, Arthur; you already said that.", He said, bored.
Merlin turned his gaze away from Arthur's and headed to his room.
The night did not seem to pass, and Arthur watched the few lights that remained on at dawn and the slight noise of some cars that still roamed the empty streets.
The following day, Merlin was gone when Arthur woke up, and he felt distressed again. They hurt each other with things they didn't want to say.
Both are too scared to accept their feelings for the other.
Both worried that nothing else would ever felt like love again after the other.
"My mother used to say that we fall in love with three different people in our lifetime, each one for a specific reason.
Our first love happens at a young age; it's when we discover this strange feeling. Sometimes it makes us look back and think it wasn't love, but it was. It was love for what you imagined life to be.
Our second love is the hard one. He hurt ourselves in this one. It teaches us lessons; it makes us stronger. It's the love that includes lies, loss, drama. We realise what we love and don't love about this feeling.
Our third one comes and blinds us. With no warning, and it creeps on us silently. When we least expect we notice the butterflies, the weird aspects we picked from the other, and you get lost in their eyes, you dream of them constantly, and it hurts, it hurts so bad that I supposed the reason I hated him was that when someone you love, you have to hate them to forget.
Because if they don't want you anymore and you still love them, how do you survive? How could you possibly usually live again without thinking about them for one second?
I had given up trying to learn how to love him, I wanted to convince myself it was okay to let myself feel everything was feeling, but it didn't make any difference.
"Do right people with wrong timing ever get a second try?" Arthur had lost himself in his thoughts, so lost he spent the whole morning sat in the hallway. His head was resting on the wall, his eyes closed, and his cheeks with a red colouring across them and a salty taste.
"As soon as I left Arthur's apartment that morning, I felt a great emptiness in my chest.
We weren't meant for each other, but I was glad that even for a very moment, it felt like we were. It's frightening how in a fraction of a moment, you can fall into the kind of love that takes a lifetime to get over.
And I knew that was the state we were in, my brain knew that, but my heart wasn't ready.
Arthur had feelings for me, I could feel it, but this uncertainty, this nervousness, still filled my head.
Sometimes you can't explain what you see in a person. It's just the way they take you to someplace no one else can.
and I finally understood how honest feelings and bad timing make the worst and most painful combination."
Merlin closed his eyes and enjoyed the sun's rays and the gentle autumn breeze; a lack of energy soon hit him, followed by a blurred vision and an aching chest.
Six weeks passed since their last encounter,
Arthur had left his father's gallery. He had told him everything. From the true meaning to why he was so close to Merlin to his despise towards his father's attitude.
"Are you out of your mind?" His father had screamed
"I'm not out of my mind, that's the truth, and I'm sorry, but I don't care if you like it or not", Arthur pronounced with a broken voice. "You can give that stupid contract to Morgana; I guarantee you she will follow you blindly." He stated and soon left without waiting for a response
Merlin, on the other hand, still had his job, his bakery. He didn't dare abandoned that place.
"There wasn't a single day that I didn't think about Arthur.
We lived happily at night; we mumbled love words to each other, and he often placed soft touches and kisses on me.
Maybe in five years, our paths will cross again, and I will tell you how desperately in love I was with you. Hopefully, we will laugh at how we broke each other's hearts and maybe you'll love me."
And so five years passed.
They grew up and forgot about so many things.
But there's one thing neither of them forgot.
How they awfully let the other one go and how scared they were to love the other.
How childish they behaved.
"After so many years, I close the bakery. But my work was not over; Gwen and I would buy a new place and build a more extensive and modern one.
I was excited, that I couldn't deny.
We could buy new furniture and decorate the establishment the way we pleased. And possibly exchange the menu, so we could finally get rid of that lemon pie.
lemon pie
I haven't seen Arthur in so long; it's funny how there are some faces we never forget, smiles, looks and voices.
"Look how sad, Merlin", Gwen started and showed me her phone. "Soulmates are destined to find each other but not to remain together." She quoted and gave me a sad smile
That was sad, indeed, and it made me think.
I would be his if he asked me; I know that
For sure
does he still feels the same?"
Even though Arthur had abandoned his father's gallery, he kept some of his biggest clients and investors.
"Everything in life is art.
How you dress, how you talk, the way your eyes shine when you talk about the things you like, how your writing looks, the way you laugh, the way you walk and the way your voice sound in my ears, The way you love someone.
Life is Art, and I let mine get away.
Five years had passed since I left my father's gallery, so I could do and have anything I wanted and was passionate about.
I had received a work proposal to paint a mural on a new bakery that would open in town.
Five years had passed since I last spoke to Merlin.
I used the sweetest words to get his heart, but unfortunately, I chose the most poisoning ones to break his heart.
I just wish I could love him again.
All these years, I kept pushing everyone away because they weren't him.
I would be his if he asked
I know that for sure".
As he arrived at the bakery, Arthur found a woman reading a block of paper.
He coughs a little to get her attention, and she greets him with a smile.
You're the artist, right?" She spoke in a sweet voice as she walked up to him and shook his hand.
She showed him the mural and let him alone to start his project.
"I had no idea what to paint
A garden seemed too simple;
The ocean didn't seem to fit the place;
The City was a bit corny;
"You should paint a forest, or maybe a lake." an angelic voice pronounced, and Arthur soon turned his gaze to the figure.
"Guinevere", he exclaimed, surprised
"I haven't seen you in so long! How are you?"
"Great!" She gave him a weak smile.
"Merlin is arriving with your payment", she said without consideration
She knew about what happened between the two, obviously
"About that", he dared in a lower voice
"How is he?" Gwen turned to him and crossed her arms
"He loved you."
Arthur nodded as Gwen walked towards him
"He did, but I couldn't love him. I didn't love myself. I destroyed what we had; I ruined us, I know that."
"Would you go back?"
"I don't know; we can't go back."
"Arthur, you love him.
And here's why you should go back
He loves you too.
You can listen to the hymns on his pulse; you're allowed to bask in the sunlight of his voice. You're allowed to have him.
You love each other, and it hurts seeing how you think the love you feel for each other is not enough." As she finished pronounce the words, a familiar voice filled the place.
"What is happening here?" Merlin asked with wide eyes
"Merlin", Arthur cheered silently.
"You changed a lot", he stated, smiling as a red colour filled his cheeks
"I will leave you too alone" Gwen walked towards Merlin and squeezed his hand softly, encouraging him
"Hi", Arthur greeted
"Hi", Merlin mumbled and turned his gaze to his feet. "How have you been?"
"Great I-"
"Are you married?"
"No"
"Dating?"
"No"
"Seeing someone."
"No, of course not."
"Are you ready to tell me the truth, then? To acknowledge the truth", he crossed his arms
"The truth?
I don't hate you. I never have, and I never will. But it was easy to pretend that I did than admitting that I dreamed of you every night. I had to find a way to get you away. I was too afraid to have you, to love you."
"So, will you fall in love with me all over again?"
"Jesus", Arthur said, "again?" I love you enough right now!" He approached the boy, who still had his arms crossed and a weird look on his face. "What the hell are you trying to do? Ruin me?"
Merlin let out a weak laugh. "Yes. That's what I want to do."
"Good", Arthur smirked. "That's what I want too."
They both stand looking deeply at the other's eyes, dumb smiles appearing and their hearts beating fast, causing pain in their chest.
"The hell are you waiting for? Aren't you going to kiss me?" Merlin laughed
Arthur is never going to forget him. He is always going to love the colour of Merlin's eyes.
He is never entirely going to get over this boy. The boy who stole his heart even without stealing it. The boy who he will always be afraid to lose it.
Again.
And so he did it
He did it after all these years
After dreaming and wishing to have his friend back
Arthur did it
He kissed him, and he kissed him with all his heart, and the pain in his chest suddenly disappeared.
It was desperate, full of worry and relief at the same time. They held each other, fearing it would only be a dream, that the moment they opened their eye, the other would be gone.
"I looked at him smiling and laughing. My heart filled with love.
How was I afraid to love him
If he were to walk away again, everything would fall apart.
"I knew you liked me", Merlin said, smiling and resting his forehead on mine
"No, you didn't, shut up", I laughed, holding him. I had my eyes closed, and I think he had too
"I didn't, but I had my distrusts." I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was now looking at me as well "you looked at me in the eyes for too long not to " have any kind of feelings for me."
I was glad to find him; it was the best feeling ever.
It felt like he was my best friend, my whole life; it felt like I was coming home. Maybe that's what love feels like."
Merlin was a beautiful quote
those that you highlight on your books
you make tattoos out of them, and you tell everyone about them
those quotes that divide us and warm our hearts.
"You drew memories in my mind I could never erase. And you painted colour in my heart I could never replace."
Merlin pronounced at last
And this time, Arthur wouldn't dare let his lover go away.