Work Text:
Choi Jongho is not a particularly superstitious person. Nor a religious one. Some of his friends like to argue that the fact that he would call most religions superstition is a statement in itself.
Do not get him wrong, he will occasionally attend a gut ritual if a member of his family has paid for it, but these kinds of things do not happen often for a reason. They’re all Seoulites, not spread out through the country, so neither side of his family has ever really experienced any of the rich cultural history that is prevalent and oh so important, Jongho-yah, you poor thing . To which Jongho usually answers With all undue respect, shut up, hyung, we can’t all be country hicks or slash and from the south and then Jongho ends up getting yelled at by most of his hyungs while Hongjoong and Mingi kind of agree. Wooyoung usually agrees as well but he is somehow the loudest and takes immense pleasure in aiming a kick at Jongho that ends up with Wooyoung himself on the floor while San tries to tell him for the five hundredth time that you have to position your foot with the heel towards your target if you want to aim a roundhouse kick safely but that’s a whole other thing.
So Jongho is not superstitious. He likes facts. He likes things that make sense and can be backed by science. If he has a question, he will put the question into naver, or if he feels like using his degree, he’ll use his carefully curated lunch break to find some reading in the popular science corner of whatever topic he is interested in today. Theoretically. Practically, he’ll just open youtube and watch a video that’s definitely not up to scientific standards but that his brain can handle.
Of course, they have some more vaguely scientific stuff at work as well, they do try to cater to all parts of the population. And while Jongho personally isn’t involved in any of the acquisition for the esoteric, shamanistic or otherwise religious-inspired he is nevertheless aware that it exists.
So when he’s spending some time shelving on a Sunday evening after they just closed, just so that his colleagues don’t have to suffer too much disorder on Monday, when they all always have to spend way too much time tidying the library because apparently, the children aren’t what they used to be, Jongho-ssi, back in my time when I just finished my degree everything was orderly. It’s your generation that is rotten and I fear for the future of this country . To which Jongho always lowers his head and nods along, of course, noona, you’re right about this and then just complains about it to his hyungs afterwards who all roll their eyes.
So it’s Sunday evening and the library has been closed for over an hour. Jongho himself is pushing fifty-six hours of work this week, but as the youngest member of the team he cannot be seen to be slacking off, so he’s high up on the ladder, shelving some obscure books that are on the top shelf, five meters over the big stairwell that was built nearly a hundred years ago.
The book he’s trying to force into the shelf is new despite the uninteresting topic and usually, Jongho would just move the books along the shelves, but this high up there is little need to do frontal presentation so there’s no need for space. While he crams the book into the shelf, he can feel the spine creak, but he doesn’t care. It’ll be years until it gets taken out again most likely.
He leans back to take a look at it and figure out if it looks alright, when he realises something.
The label is wrong. As in. There is no label.
Sighing, he pries it out again, nearly pulling the rest of the books out with it. And okay, maybe he overdid it a bit.
Flipping the book open to look for the imprint which has to have a library stamp under it, he finds nothing. Shit. Not a library book. How did they not notice that when returning it? But then, do patrons generally notice anything they don’t want to notice? Did Jongho himself notice? Nope. He didn’t look at the label and just knew where to put it by the contents. New age shamanism and all.
Jongho crams the book under his arm and starts climbing down the ladder. He continues along with his shelving for the rest of the evening and takes the book with him into his office, intending to drop it off at Acquisition Head Kwon’s table for him to figure out if they want to move it towards the cataloguers or if they want to get rid of it.
He knows that he puts it down and leaves a note on top of it with the question, he would even swear on it, because he looked at his apple watch to date and time the note because he knows that Acquisition Head Kwon is very picky about that.
When Jongho gets to work the next day, not having slept enough to be properly awake and only running on a steady supply of iced americano, the book is gone and it never gets mentioned again. He doesn’t find it in the catalogue when he checks a couple of days later so he assumes it got thrown out which honestly- is the best course of action when books like these occasionally find their way into their hands.
So he forgets about the book and dismisses it as one of those things that happens, but are incredibly inconsequential in the long run.
He couldn’t have been more wrong.
Jongho isn’t your typical librarian, not even in the year 2021 when everyone has loosened up a bit and many of his peers like to experiment with western styles, looks and even tattoos. Still, most of his colleagues are women who like to read and incredibly weird men who either end up in leadership positions or on late shifts with Jongho because his early-twenties female coworkers ask him to switch with him since these guys make them uncomfortable.
Jongho is neither, with no aspirations to become management staff before the age of thirty nor any desire to creep out his coworkers by getting too close and personal with them. He never even wanted to become a librarian but after a hopeful career as an athlete, the subsequent injury and inevitable decline of his cardiovascular and mental health as he spent months tied to a bed and chair until his legs were able to carry him again, he parked his ass in the library and read everything he could get his hands on in terms of recovery. It didn’t take him long to make sense of the classification, of the way things worked, of how shortly after he saw things being talked about online, they were also available to him in the library. Jongho has a habit of randomly picking up things and excelling at them. It’s how he’s always been.
When his parents asked him to move back to Sanggye after he was dropped from his scholarship program because of his inability to perform, he applied for the Library and Information Science program at SKKU in a fit of panic and then had his parents yell at him when he told them about the tuition.
They had spent years imagining his great success in a field that would burn him out by his mid-twenties but leave him rich and now had to make do with him becoming a regular productive member of society. Other parents would be happy. Jongho’s parents have always been demanding and expected the best from him. The best didn’t really translate to becoming a librarian.
He spends all his freetime in the gym, getting bigger than he had ever been able as a football player and then sinks into the couch as he mindlessly plays games until past midnight and then in the morning he takes the metro to the library and does his work.
It works out. So does he. Hah.
So no, Jongho isn’t your typical librarian. He might look like it at first because he is deathly allergic to showing skin underneath the jaw and enjoys sweater vests and blazers with turtlenecks an un-normal amount but underneath it all he’s the jacked, social butterfly kind of librarian that might seem very wrong in the profession at first.
At least that’s what everyone always tells him.
Not that his coworkers know that much about him. That’s how he prefers it. There are things that they shouldn’t know about him, things that nearly no one knows about him, not even his parents.
“No no no, he can do it!” yells a voice very very close to Jongho’s ear and it’s only because he’s known Wooyoung for close to six years that he doesn’t flinch. Wooyoung pulls a couple of guys towards the free weight area in the gym, some of which Jongho knows, some of which he doesn’t. San is trailing behind them, a fond smile on his face that gets directed at Jongho for a moment.
His heart does not skip a bit, oh no, absolutely not.
Jongho doesn’t do sappy emotions. He’s as solid as a rock.
“Jongho-yah, assume the pushup position!” Wooyoung demands and Jongho raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t particularly mind showing off his strength for Wooyoung’s friends, especially if they’re older than him, but he has no idea what kind of insanity is growing inside his head today. So he follows Wooyoung’s demands - not without aiming a kick at him first though.
He even positions his foot correctly, which San acknowledges with a proud nod.
Hah, take that Wooyoung.
“San-ah, onto his back, move move.”
Oh no. Oh no, not that thing again.
San gives him an apologetic smile as Wooyoung turns around to his friends. “You’ll see Bin-ah, he can do pushups with Sanie on his back.”
Jongho. Is. As. Solid. As. A. Rock.
A tiny tiny rock that keeps getting crashed against the cliffs of a very beautiful, funny and kind mountain by very persistent, annoying and meddling waves. There’s a metaphor inside there somewhere.
Before Jongho can do anything - like turn his already assumed push up into a surprise burpee - he feels a comfortable weight on his back. San is always so gentle when he sits himself down slightly under Jongho’s shoulder blades, feet carefully crossed and fingers brushing the cloth next to his thighs. He would never admit that he’s hyper aware of what San being so close to him does to him, but it happens. Every single time.
“Let’s go,” San says and Jongho feels him move, probably waving with his hand to Wooyoung and his friends. And because Jongho likes to be strong and he likes for his older friends to know that he’s strong, he follows. Braces his core, bends his elbows slowly. That’s one. Back up. Down. Two. He makes it to five before he’s seriously sweating and everyone around him is oh-ing and ah-ing and wow-ing and Jongho feels himself swell with pride at the praise.
Most of all when San jumps from his back and helps him up - not that Jongho needs it - and smiles at him brightly, gripping his hands and doing a little dance. He’s not as expressive as Wooyoung of course, who simply just starts screeching and boasting about Jongho’s strength as if it’s his own, but he’s smiling and his eyes are shining and Jongho is so incredibly gay.
He doesn’t know how long he stares at San, who just smiles at him, but it’s long enough that Wooyoung pulls him away at some point, leaving Jongho with slightly sweaty palms.
So here’s the thing. Jongho isn’t gay. He swings both ways. Violently. With a bat. (He came up with that during a friendly baseball game once and still thinks it’s ingenious. More people need to appreciate his humor.) And he’s not shy. He doesn’t like physical touch and he doesn’t always know how to express himself, but he’s an open person and he has lots of friends.
Rejection however, is something that he is very afraid of. Ruining friendships. Having people talk about him. And it’s not as if San is rude to him. San likes him. San and him are friends. But Jongho is pretty sure San has a thing for Wooyoung. Or Yeosang. Or Yunho. Possibly Seonghwa or Mingi. Maybe not for Hongjoong, but that’s mostly because Hongjoong is so busy with work that it might be hard to develop feelings for him because they see him so little.
But not for Jongho. It’s not because he’s not lovable, or handsome or something. It’s just not something that’s in the cards. He doesn’t feel particularly bad about it. It just is. Part of his life.
Something that is not part of his life however, is the book .
Weird segway, isn’t it?
Jongho usually wouldn’t stop himself like this in his own thought process, but that is literally what happens to his brain as he gets home into his tiny apartment, blinks, and sees the book lying on his kitchen counter. Now- he’s not the cleanest person, but he doesn’t leave books on the kitchen counter. And he’s pretty sure he cleaned it this morning after his blender kind of maybe exploded just a tiny bit when he forced too much ice into it.
He specifically wiped down the counter and was nearly late to work. The book was not there.
Jongho doesn’t think anything about it. It’s just a book after all. But it wasn’t in his backpack. It wasn’t in his apartment. He knows that. So he does the most logical thing. He dumps it in the trashcan and writes himself a reminder into his phone to take out the trash tomorrow morning on his way to work.
He does take out the trash in the morning. He only notices that the book isn’t in it when he comes back at night and it’s lying on his couch table.
Jongho is not freaking out.
Maybe he sleepwalked. Maybe he put it out again. He puts it in the trash again, goes to bed, checks in the morning and takes it down with him.
In the evening, it’s nowhere to be found in his apartment, which gives him just a little bit of relief.
When he opens his bag in the morning to put his smoothie into it, the book is there.
Jongho does not freak out about it. No.
“Okay,” Mingi says, very slowly. “Explain it again. Pretend that I’m stupid.”
They both wait for the inevitable oh why pretend and then realise that Wooyoung isn’t here, before they continue.
“There was a book in the library that wasn’t in the catalogue. I left it with my supervisor. It was gone when I next saw it. Then it showed up in my flat.”
“And you threw it away.”
“Twice. It showed up in the flat again. And then in my bag.”
“And what kind of book was it?”
“Something about new age shamanism,” Jongho says vaguely. “Stupid shit.”
Mingi, who is superstitious but also a reasonable northerner like Jongho who didn’t grow up with a weird amount of weird myths and culture, nods. “Okay.”
“I’m not crazy.”
“I didn’t say that.”
Jongho grinds his teeth. He gets up and takes the book out of the trash where he yeeted it as soon as he saw it. Throws it at Mingi, who catches it with a raised eyebrow.
He opens it and looks through the pages. Shrugs. Throws it back to Jongho. Normally, this would be the worst thing Jongho has ever done, because he believes in respecting books, but this book is garbage and haunted and evil. Maybe it’s possessed. Is that a thing that exists?
He looks through the book himself, eyes skimming over a part that definitely says something about opening his mind to the auras and feelings around him and a shudder courses through him and the book falls out of his hands. Closing his eyes for a second, he takes a deep breath.
When he looks back at Mingi, Mingi is staring at him.
Mingi is worried at him, he knows that suddenly, even if he hides his expression for once.
Jongho works too hard, he knows suddenly. He’s so young and we should take better care of him, the hyungs should know about this, shouldn’t they, I’ll ask Yunho and call them immediately.
“I’m fine,” Jongho says and Mingi raises his eyebrows.
“I didn’t say anything.”
They both blink. “Well- still. I’m just- the book is haunting me.”
“Okay.”
Phone. Reminder. Call hyungs. Holiday on Jeju maybe?
“And I don’t need a holiday, I’m happy with the work I do and I’m not stressed, okay.”
“Jongho-yah,” Mingi frowns. “I didn’t say anything.”
He looks suspicious. Jongho feels suspicious. What the hell is going on?
“Okay. I- I think- maybe I should go to bed?”
“Sleep is important.” Mingi’s voice is slow. He’s clearly worried. Jongho doesn’t have to look at his face or feel- things to know that. “Want me to take the book with me?”
“Please.”
On the metro the next morning Jongho is astonished at his own reflexes, as he gets up and puts himself between an older guy and a schoolgirl. She looks at him with wide eyes, her whole body rigid as she stares over his shoulder at the guy who’s been leering at her and Jongho only realises after he’s taken off his headphones, when she tells him thank you under her mask and he turns around to the guy, who’s glaring daggers at him.
During his lunch break, he suddenly knows without even looking up that his older officemate forgot her purse. She’s the one who always tells him he’s one of the good ones of his generation. Jongho makes up a fake thing to celebrate and brings some lunch for her. He has to tell her four times that this is something that he’s doing for all the others - a lie - and she gets so offended that he thinks she will hit him and then promises to bring him containers of self-made kimchi and lunch tomorrow, but she accepts and he knows she’s thankful.
When he sits at his desk after and considers which thing to work on he suddenly knows which one his supervisor wants him to finish first. He finishes just as he steps into the office and asks for the numbers and Jongho can immediately give them to him to both of their surprise.
This is not strange at all.
Eternal roommate-hyung
did you take the book out of my bag pack?
huh, no?
why would i do that?
because it’s not in it
Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no.
Jongho is in the gym when he finds out and he barely manages to finish his set of leg curls in record time and then he’s stumbling towards the locker rooms and rips open his locker and then his bag that’s squished into the small compartment under his gym bag and the book is right there.
Jongho is going to have an aneurysm. He’s going to develop superstition. Something is going to happen.
“What are you looking at?” A voice asks behind him and Jongho jumps around, back pressing against the open locker.
San stands in front of him, sweaty and smiling and wearing one of those gymshark droop tanks that show off the sides of his body and Jongho does his best not to follow the pearls of sweat that run down his skin. He must have done one of those martial arts things that he likes and that Jongho refuses to do because they require way too much HIIT training and cardio and he is not about that life.
“Just- something in my bag,” Jongho says and San tilts his head. His head falls to the side and he swallows and Jongho doesn’t look, he really doesn’t.
And then he does, because- San stretches his arms high up over his head and there is so much sideboob to see and it’s there for him to see, just look, it won’t hurt, won’t it?
Jongho flinches and the metal locker behind him makes a rattling noise.
San looks at him with confusion on his face.
“Sorry just- long day.”
“Ah,” San says and he reaches out with one hand because maybe Jongho will let him touch him this time, maybe he won’t screech and pull a face for once and Jongho isn’t sure if he would have made a face or pulled away if he hadn’t known that this is what San is feeling, but now he’s aware and he does.
San gives him a smile. This one is definitely kind of sad. Oh no, what has he done?
“I gotta go shower, Jongho-yah,” San says and shrugs. “Have fun working out.”
Jongho spends five minutes just standing there, contemplating what the everloving fuck is happening right now, before he stumbles back into the gym area and deadlifts until his muscles are burning so much that he can’t think about anything anymore.
Afterwards, when he’s showered and sitting on his floor with the book in front of him, he tries to reason with himself.
He does not come to a logical conclusion.
So he can feel things. Feelings? Emotions? Thoughts? He can’t listen to them, can’t read minds. That would be stupid anyway. But he can feel things.
Not his own feelings or emotions. Other people’s.
What the fuck.
Eternal roommate-hyung
So have you been feeling weirdly since you touched the book?
did you find it? you took it back
i did and i didn’t
that doesn’t make any sense
i know but you know
i found it in my bag i didn’t put it there
jongho-yah i’m worried about you are you sure you didn’t take it
yes
but also i’ve been able to feel people’s feelings
weird haha
…
…
…
…
[Incoming Call]
“Why did you tell Wooyoung-hyung?” Jongho hisses the second Mingi and Wooyoung barge into his apartment. Telling Wooyoung anything is the worst thing anyone can do and Jongho isn’t sure why Mingi is being an idiot. Wooyoung doesn’t take things seriously and he keeps antagonising Jongho and Jongho used to have a big fat old crush on him and sometimes he questions why his taste used to be so bad.
“Because he might be able to help.”
Wooyoung. Able to help.
“We were originally gonna bring Hongjoong-hyung as well, but he’s so busy,” Wooyoung calls, from where he is now sprawled over Jongho’s carpet. “And we do know that all the others are-” he makes a motion with his hand. “Way too superstitious to take your psychotic break serious and not think it’s some kind of haunting.”
Jongho gapes at him.
Mingi blinks, then pulls a face, then turns around and gives Jongho a pained smile. Jongho gets the sudden notion that Mingi agrees with him on not bringing Wooyoung, but it’s too late now. Or isn’t it-
“See, I know you would agree with me,” he says and crosses his arms and Mingi frowns.
“Excuse me?!” They both ignore the yell from the floor.
“I didn’t say anything,” Mingi says slowly and Jongho gulps. Shrugs. And raises his hands.
“You thought it. Or felt it. Whatever.”
He feels defensive, very defensive. There’s no psychotic break happening. Jongho isn’t crazy.
“Jongho-yah,” Mingi shares a look with Wooyoung, who still looks offended. “We’re just a bit worried about you, we know that you’re under a lot of stress right now and-”
“I’m not stressed.” He’s not. Work is hard, yes, but it’s good and he likes it. “I feel great apart from this.”
Neither of them believes him, he immediately knows that. Maybe he wouldn’t even have needed his new weird abilities.
“I just- I read one section of the stupid book and now it’s haunting me. Or- giving me stupid powers. Abilities, whatever.”
They both look at him. And Jongho realises that they’re right. That sounds fucking crazy, that sounds as if he’s going through some kind of psychotic break or a schizophrenic episode when that isn’t what’s happening. He doesn’t feel sick, he just feels- more in tune with everyone around him. But then, do crazy people know they’re crazy?
Suddenly overwhelmed by the possibility that he might be suffering from some kind of mental condition, Jongho crouches down on the floor and puts his head in his hands.
“I mean- maybe you’re not crazy,” Wooyoung says and Jongho groans.
“You don’t believe that.”
Of course he doesn’t. Wooyoung seems pretty set on Jongho going through something right now, but as Jongho challenges him, he can feel the defiance rising up in Wooyoung.
“Yah, don’t tell me what I believe or not.”
“Hyung, I can literally-” he breaks off. He can’t say that, he’s really gonna sound insane.
“What, you can read my mind?”
“No, I- I just- I can feel what you’re feeling. And like- I can assume intentions- I guess?”
“Intentions and feelings?” Mingi asks and Jongho nods, still on the floor. His hips flexors feel very tight today, he has to keep doing his mobility stuff.
“Yeah.”
“Like what?”
“Hm?”
“What kind of stuff? If you’re not crazy, try to change our mind.”
Jongho thinks back to what he experienced in the past two weeks. Somehow he feels as if most of these things are just stupid, now that he thinks back to them. But still, he mentions the metro, he mentions the work stuff. When he sees both of his hyung’s faces, he doubles down.
“I know Mingi-hyung wanted to call all the other hyungs to talk about the book.”
Mingi closes his mouth and frowns.
“And then I met San-hyung in the gym earlier and-” he breaks off as Wooyoung suddenly zeroes in on him.
“You were able to read Sanie’s feelings?” Wooyoung leans forward, so close that it makes Jongho uncomfortable.
But he nods anyway. “Feel his feelings,” he clarifies. “Like- He stretched and then he thought-” he trails off, realising how utterly ridiculous it sounds. What, San thought that Jongho should look at him and his body in his thin shirt with the big holes down the sides? That sounds more like a dream he had and less like something San might actually do. Jongho knows him, after all.
“What did he think?” Mingi asks and Jongho opens his mouth. Doesn’t really know what to say in this moment, because it does sound rather stupid and self-absorbed and Wooyoung is San’s best friend, after all.
“Nothing, nothing, it was just- irrelevant, what he was-”
“Wait,” Wooyoung interrupts, his voice too loud as it is usually. Now however, it feels like a death sentence. “What was he wearing?”
“A shirt.”
“What kind of shirt?”
They look at each other. Jongho doesn't say anything, mostly because he doesn't have the mental capacity to think about San's shirt again. But he doesn't have to, because the corners of Wooyoung's mouth pull up and within a few moments, he's grinning at Jongho like a feral cat.
"You know," Wooyoung says, as if it doesn't really matter in the end. "Gymshark recently had this big sale and Sanie and I just had to buy in bulk-"
"Oh," Mingi quips up. "Was that the order I joined in on?"
"Stop making everything about yourself, but yes. He got these really cool tanks, you know?"
"The one with the giant armpits?" Mingi asks and Jongho tries to pretend that his brain doesn't make a giant screeching noise like a horribly oiled metro cart. "I love those, Yunho keeps making out with me when I show my sideboobs."
"And what great sideboobs you have," Wooyoung encourages Mingi, who smiles at him with a big smile. "Especially when one stretches, right? You can just see everything ."
Jongho isn't whimpering, he's really not. He knows that Mingi doesn't realise what Wooyoung is doing. Mingi thinks they're talking about the tanks, the ones he really likes because he has positive memories of them and Jongho gets one or two word blinks of things between Yunho and Mingi that he doesn't want to know about, okay? But Wooyoung has smelled blood and he's going after what he perceives to be a much bigger issue than Jongho's apparent psychotic break like a bloodhound.
"Oh yeah," Mingi agrees. "You know at first I was doing it unintentionally, but you can only show your tits so many times before you notice everyone staring at your nipples, so you become really aware of it."
"So aware," Wooyoung muses. "That you do not do it without wanting people to look right?"
"Yeah, absolutely not," Mingi agrees. "If you move in a certain way it's because you want whoever is in front of you to stare at you."
Wooyoung hums. "I agree. And I wouldn't say knowing that shows you have any kind of precognitive abilities, right? It just shows you know you're an attractive guy and another guy is interested in showing you his body."
"Of course not," Mingi says. Then blinks. Looks at Jongho, who is not sweating like a pig, no. "Oh! You mean like. Yeah, Jongho-yah." He shakes his head and Jongho hates that he can feel him finally getting it. "Knowing that Sanie wants you to objectify him doesn't mean you have any kind of abilities."
Okay first of all. San doesn't want him to objectify him. Jongho won't deny that he does it, because he's San and Jongho is a bisexual man with working eyes and a libido, who hasn't hooked up with anyone in like- three months, maybe four, so he really needs to get that out of his system. He should hit up Yoorim or Hyunjin one of these days, just so that he can stop thinking. Of course, he cannot tell that to either of them, because that would mean having to acknowledge his attraction and crush on San and Jongho is not about to have an honest conversation about his emotions with these two. He has standards.
"Well," Wooyoung says and shares a look with Mingi. "Seems like we have to get out the big guns."
So, here's the thing. Kim Hongjoong isn't the best at emotions or talking to people about them, because he's very much straight to the point and he's busy and he's almost always on the go, because he's, as aforementioned, busy and he's doing important things in the world. That doesn't mean he's not a good person to talk to, he does talk to a lot of people and Jongho knows he can always confide in him, but- Hongjoong is absolutely the last person he would want to talk about this to.
Wait- he thinks. Maybe- Hm. The thing is. Talking to San would be horrible, but it would only be slightly worse than talking to Hongjoong. But worse than either of them would be talking to Seonghwa, because he would make Jongho acknowledge his feelings and talk about them in a healthy way to distract himself from his own relationship problems and Jongho is really not about that.
So- maybe Hongjoong is the best bet after all. Maybe Hongjoong can really tell him that he's finally lost it and Jongho can check himself into a mental institution.
It's all gonna work out in the end.
But then Hongjoong sits down on the ground next to Mingi, far away from Wooyoung as usual and Jongho recounts his tale once more and Wooyoung says something to Hongjoong and they look at each other and Jongho- He thinks his brain malfunctions. Something fries. Something, something, don't want you to look at me in public, we talked about this, skin and hands and oh he's so much better than I thought and finally shutting up and-
Jongho screams.
Quietly.
Manly.
Just for a second.
He presses his hands against his eyes and digs them into it, wanting to bleach his brain, because what the fuck .
Every single one of his friends has leant forward, touching him, asking him if he's okay and they're all so close and Hongjoong and Wooyoung are touching him and they're worried and Jongho, who usually prides himself on appearing very aloof and professional to outside forces, looks at them and blurts, "Since when have you two been hooking up?"
Utter silence.
Then, both Hongjoong and Wooyoung yell at him. Wooyoung starts hitting him. Hongjoong is up on his feet, asking what he's talking about, how he knows and did Wooyoung tell him and then Wooyoung is yelling at Hongjoong, because why the fuck is Hongjoong acknowledging it instead of denying it, what the fuck is his problem, they had a deal and Jongho gets a burst of anger, hurt, fear and - longing.
He realises he has no idea from which one of them it's coming from.
"No one told me, hyung," he tries to reassure Hongjoong, even though he's not sure how reassuring that is in the end. "I just- I felt what-" Urgh. "How. You know. Did you really- at your workspace?" Maybe clarifying some things will make Hongjoong see that Wooyoung really didn't tell him.
He's not sure if this is more to save Wooyoung or to make Hongjoong believe him, but he likes to pretend it's only about Hongjoong. Nobody cares about Wooyoung, least of all Jongho.
"You told him-"
"I didn't tell him anything!" Wooyoung interrupts Hongjoong and okay, so that wasn't helpful apparently. Hongjoong is terrified, moving through emotions and moments from the past and Jongho would love nothing more than for him to stop, because he's feeling things he's pretty sure no one was ever supposed to find out, but Wooyoung is getting angry, because he feels. Embarrassed. Ashamed? No- he doesn't want to feel ashamed, but he feels as if Hongjoong is ashamed of him.
Oh no.
"I don't think Hongjoong-hyung is ashamed of you, Wooyoung-hyung," he says, not even thinking about what he's doing right now.
It shuts both of them up within a second. They both stare at each other. Slowly, Wooyoung swallows.
“I wasn’t- that was not-” His head snaps around to Jongho. “Yah, stop reading my mind!” He jumps to his feet and Jongho doesn’t know what he expects, for Wooyoung to yell at him some more, but he just grabs his jacket and stomps away and since Jongho’s flat is really tiny, it doesn’t take him long to slam the front door shut.
Hongjoong stares after him and there are so many feelings inside of him that Jongho does the thing he doesn’t like to do, which is get involved in it all - yes, he jumped the gun on that one - and says, “Hyung, maybe you should go after him?”
Hongjoong blinks at him. And then he’s on his feet as well and Jongho watches as he runs after Wooyoung.
Silence settles over the flat as he feels Mingi’s eyes on him. There’s little worry radiating off him, just- understanding? Maybe?
“So,” Mingi says. “I think we should look at the book.”
So Jongho might be cursed. Or he might be haunted. Something is happening to him. While Mingi believes in ghosts - and Jongho does too, to a certain extent but not as much as some people - he doesn’t really believe in shamanic traditions or religion but even he, after watching Jongho this afternoon, had decided that something was wrong.
Either Jongho had somehow developed some shamanic abilities - very unlikely - or he activated some long dormant spell or curse - possibly - or something was haunting him - most likely? But also, and this is something Mingi stresses, is it really so bad? Can’t he just walk around with his new empathic abilities and embrace life?
Jongho disagrees. Jongho does not like to acknowledge his own feelings or those of other people. Maybe he could have lived with it, if it wasn’t for San.
San, who must know that something is wrong, because he saunters up to Jongho in the library three days after the whole situation with Wooyoung and Hongjoong just as Jongho is about to do his Sunday evening shelving far away from people and leans against the shelf next to Jongho. A colleague on the closing shift walks past him and throws a questioning look at him but Jongho waves him away. They’re closing in two minutes and all the patrons are slowly leaving the library. Jongho wouldn’t be the first librarian who has company on his after-work duties.
“So,” San drawls and Jongho has not been avoiding him or other people because he is tired of all of these emotions being thrown at him constantly. “I heard you played a very big part in Hongjoongie-hyung getting his head out of his ass?”
Oh? Is he not here to torment Jongho some more?
“Feel like him and Wooyoungie-hyung were both being very obtuse,” he says and San laughs. It’s an amazing laugh and Jongho hates him. He wants to fight him. But San just feels happy and he laughs and Jongho doesn’t know how to deal with that.
“Oh, they were. Hyung really liked to pretend that Wooyoungie wasn’t that important to him. Of course he is.” San laughs. “But how did you know?”
Jongho stops. “Uh-” He doesn’t know what to say. Do you want the object of your affections to know that you’re being haunted? Have them possibly think you’ve lost it? Jongho definitely doesn’t. While he’s still trying to figure out what to say, he sees something in San’s eyes, feels something and he frowns. Tilts his head.
“Hyung,” he says slowly. “Why are you asking when you already know?”
San opens his eyes wide and puts a hand on his chest. “I don’t know anything!” Oh, he’s such a bad liar.
“Did hyung tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
Jongho pouts. So does San. Another colleague walks past them and Jongho pretends to be working as San hovers close to him.
“Okay,” San relents, after Jongho has been quiet at him for three minutes. “Maybe Wooyoung did tell me.”
He knew it. Traitor. Why can’t Wooyoung just keep his mouth shut?
“And you believe him?” Jongho asks and San shrugs.
“I mean I’ve heard a lot of stories since I was young. There was an ahjumma a couple of years ago, who had a tiny grocery store next to my parent’s building and she was haunted by a dokkaebi.”
Dokkaebi don't exist. But then, neither do haunted books right?
“So you think I’ve been given shamanistic abilities.”
San tilts his head from side to side. “I mean, there’s more to being a shaman than just having abilities,” he says. “But I do think you’ve been given some kind of power to look into the world beneath. Or at least my halmeoni thinks so, I called her once Wooyoung told me.”
This is what will make Jongho lose it. Someone who actually takes all of this seriously. Why is he in love with a country boy, what is wrong with him?
“And how do I stop that?” he asks and San smiles at him.
“She says by fulfilling the requirements of the text you’ve read.”
The text he read? What was it? “It just said to open my mind to the auras and feelings around me.”
San claps into his hands and he looks so happy. “Oh isn’t that easy? Obviously, that just means you need to be more in tune with your emotions. Acknowledge what you feel and what those around you feel.”
Acknowledging his own emotions? Sounds fake.
“Don’t pull that face, Jongho-yah,” San says and Jongho crosses his arms. “Emotions are good.”
Jongho turns away from him to go back to work and San huffs but there’s fondness there. It makes Jongho drop his shoulders a bit, knowing that San is fond of him. Not fond in the way that he wants, but still fond.
“Yah, why are you ignoring me,” San pouts and Jongho feels hands at his back. He doesn’t flinch, nor does he shake San off, just lets him paw at him a bit to complain but then- Jongho suddenly feels hot, the prospect of skin stretched over strong muscles, the thick waist, the - he turns around to look at San and San swallows, mouth so dry, eyes moving down, thick thighs, quiet place, no one around, a bit of courage, eyes on him, being found out, oh no and then- absolute panic .
San stumbles back and he must forget that they’re on the big main staircase again, because Jongho sees him miss the next step. He reaches for him, one hand on his arm, the other digging into San’s tiny waist, such a stark contrast to his broad shoulders. They’re pressed together, head to toe and Jongho would be panicking, would be scared about getting hard if not for the ringing in his head, the heartbeat that isn’t his own as San stares at him, wide-eyed and want that Jongho knows comes from someone else coursing through him.
San wants him. San is at least sexually attracted to him.
It feels like it shouldn’t be news to him, but it also leaves Jongho with the breath knocked right out of him, so he just stares, as San gapes at him, mouth open, lips wet and red and Jongho’s eyes drop down but then- San frees himself, making another step back, just as the bells ring to show that the library is closed and he says. “I have to go.”
And he flees. He runs and the second he’s out of sight, the feelings Jongho has been able to feel from him, disappear.
It’s not just the sexual tension and the want though, leaving Jongho just the normal amount of horny, instead of aroused twice over. It’s also emotions, fondness and- he can barely acknowledge it, but it feels hot and heavy and it makes him smile. He thought it was just his own unrequited crush. But the second San disappears from his sight, those feelings lessen too.
Oh.
jung wooyoung-hyung (annoying)
soooo
care to tell me why my best friend can never show his face to you again????
have you told yeosang-hyung you replaced him
if you tell him they’ll never find your body
i have a tiny bf now and i’m not afraid to use him
and who do you have to thank for that?
shut up
so what’s going on with sanie???
jongho
STOP LEAVING ME ON READ
I CANNOT HANDLE HIS WHINING
eternal roommate-hyung
i think san-hyung likes me
congratulations you have eyes
:<
hyung that’s mean
ㅠㅠ
ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ
sorry that was yunho
phone kept buzzing and i was occupied
is this a crisis or can i go back to sucking his dick?
finish pls
i’ll be waiting
ngl can’t tell if that’s hot or creepy
yunho says it’s hot
brb
okay so like is it a crisis or more like
how do i get him to stop screaming bc he is very embarrassed
which he is apparently
idk
both?
does he like like me? or does he just want sex
yunho says he keeps talking about holding your hand and also fucking you till you’re both crying
so like both?
correction: he kept talking about it now he’s just screaming bc he ruined it
oh
thank you that was helpful
nice
can i go back to having sex now?
have you just been waiting for me to be done?
of course not, yunho has been fingering me all this time
not sure what that says about his capabilities lmao
he tells you to go fucked jongho-yah
you get fucked, hyung
will
love you
love you too hyung
Okay, so it’s a thing. San has a thing for him. San likes him. As in romantically and sexually? Jongho isn’t quite sure how to deal with that if he’s being honest. Or- well how to approach it. How does one approach this?
Should he? He probably should. But that would mean acknowledging his emotions, wouldn’t it? Maybe he will just let it happen. If he sees San and San shows some kind of interest, he might just go for it. Maybe. With a lot of screaming. Internally, only of course.
That’s where he is at, basically, when he opens his locker room at the gym a couple of days later, days in which San has ignored him.
He only has his gym bag with him today, because work finished early and he was able to go home. So he knows that the book shouldn’t be there, because it’s supposed to be at home, staring menacingly at him from the table.
But it falls out of the locker as if it had been leaning against the door and right onto his metcons and Jongho hisses, before he bends down to pick it up. He’s just grabbed it and jumps up onto his feet again, throwing the book in and slamming the locker shut - yes he’s supposed to shower, yes he was meant to open it, so what - when San appears to his right. Jongho doesn’t scream, but he flinches and raises his hand, because he didn’t expect him.
They stare at each other. San is nervous and it’s not just because he’s rubbing his hands against his sweatpants, but- he’s radiating nervous energy.
“Uh,” San says. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
They stare at each other.
“Um,” San starts. He seems so shy right now, embarrassed and unsure, not at all as cocky and open as Jongho usually knows him to be.
“Are you okay?” he asks and San looks at him, wide-eyed.
“Oh god, this is so weird.” He whines.
“Um.”
“Stop feeling my feelings!” He points a finger at Jongho’s chest and pokes him, right between his pecs. Looks at it. Swallows.
“I don’t think I can stop.”
San pouts. Uncomfortable and also- his eyes drop down to Jongho’s chest. Jongho is suddenly aware that he’s soaked through with sweat, that his shirt is clinging to him, his nipples even standing against the material of his shirt.
The feelings in his head start getting. Louder?
Someone walks past them and they both immediately stand ramrod still and Jongho realises this won’t do. He pulls San with him to the one bathroom that has a door, ignoring his complaining.
And then they’re alone, with a locked door between the two of them and the rest of the gym.
Nervousness courses through Jongho. Eagerness, as well. Fear, hope even.
“Jongho-yah, what’s the meaning of this?” San asks and Jongho swallows.
“Hyung,” he starts. “Do you like me?”
San lets out a screech. “Oi, Jongho-yah! What kind of question is that!” He’s bright red, he’s embarrassed, ashamed and it’s all crashing down on Jongho and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. It’s so much, but San- San doesn’t deny or confirm anything.
He just looks at the door behind Jongho, seemingly ready to flee immediately. Jongho can’t have that.
Taking a step towards San, his hyung moves back and within a few seconds, San is pressed against the wall. Jongho isn’t touching him, he’s just standing there, looking at him. San likes him, he knows that now because he can feel it, because it’s been confirmed and because even if he couldn’t feel it, he has eyes. Not even Jongho is so dense to ignore that now.
“Answer my question, hyung,” he whines which- yeah bad idea, because it so doesn’t fit the vibe of their current conversation.
San stares at him. Blinks. “I- I mean- of course, I like you, Jongho-yah, who wouldn’t like you.” He laughs, weakly, clearly trying to deflect. But Jongho is so close that he sees the way San’s eyes drop. How they lift. How they show so much that Jongho doesn’t have to feel all of these emotions coursing through him to know the truth.
And Jongho. Jongho might be a coward but he’s not a quitter. He leans closer, holding himself up with one hand against the wall behind San and at first San seems to flinch and make himself smaller but then- then he just stares at Jongho, with wide eyes and an open mouth and Jongho. Jongho is nothing but a disaster bi.
He leans in.
And for the first time, he welcomes the emotions and intentions that crash over him, because of San. San might be shocked, San might be freaked out because he thinks there will be regret, there will be ruin and oh isn’t that what Jongho himself feared for as well? But then there’s realisation, not just in his thoughts but also on his face and Jongho, who had been leaning in slowly, not only for San’s sake, but also for his own, finds himself pulled forward by the stretchy material of his workout tank.
San crushes their mouths together and Jongho can only find himself along for the ride, giving exactly where San is pushing, his fingers digging into the meat of San’s obliques, the nails of his other one scraping over the wall. They both taste slightly of the protein shake samples the gym had been giving out earlier.
“Wai-Wait.” San pulls away, turns his head to the side and that leaves his cheek and his neck open and Jongho wants just as much as he knows San wants too. “Jongho-yah, what are you doing?”
Hesitancy. Nervousness. A bit of fear and crushed hope and Jongho swallows. “I-”
“I’m not really the casual type, Jongho-yah,” San says and points a finger at him.
“I-” he wants to say me neither , but the last person he actually dated and not just hooked up with had been Yeorim, or possibly Daehwi and it’s been years. “I really like you, hyung.”
San’s eyes widen. Happiness. Joy. Confirmed hope and then- Nothing .
Jongho gasps as he suddenly finds his mind completely quiet, not a single thing coming at him from any direction. He can’t be sad or even happy about it for too long, because San seems to take his words as some kind of sign. Within a few seconds, he finds himself pushed against the opposing wall, San hooking a leg over his hips and honestly? He can’t really be bothered with anything that isn’t San, right in front of him, giving and taking everything Jongho has always wanted.
Later on, when they stumbled out of the bathroom because they do need to talk and not just make out for hours on end and he pulls his bag out of the locker, he finds the book mysteriously missing. He doesn’t think too much about it. Wherever it is, it’s probably doing something really important, making other people open their mind to their own feelings and those around them, or whatever it thought it was doing.
And it’s not like it harmed anyone, right?
Right?
Right?
Park Seonghwa-hyung
yeosangie are you alright?
you left so sudden earlier
i’m fine hyung!
just feeling a bit weird haha
oh btw i took that book that was lying on your table
what book?
you know i don’t own any actual books
ebooks all the way for me
oh
well there was one but i’ll return it!
okay?
and you’re sure you’re alright?
PERFECT
Song Mingi
how do you know if you’re losing it or if a book cursed you
bc there is no other explanation for why seonghwa-hyung might be in love with me
honestly this might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me
yunho agrees
have fun yeosangie!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN HAVE FUN
mingi!
MINGI