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Soulmate bonds were unique. You could see your own only and they were unlike any other. Atsushi would learn later that the bond between Poe and Ranpo was a red cloth bookmark tied to each other's ring finger. Dazai had a rope "perfect for a double suicide" but he never answered who was the other half of his rope (Once he saw him looking at nothing, caressing his neck tied by that invisible rope muttering a soft "Odasaku ..." no wanted to ask nothing more). While his was ...
When Atsushi read in the books, there was never mention of an equal or even similar tie. He even dared to ask the Director of the orphanage, getting a look of contempt (and concern, he would learn later) and some cruel words that he would never forget.
"Apparently not even the person God has chosen for you wants you. The best thing you could do is cut that burden off that person's life. You have to let go." And he did.
Cutting your soulmate rope wasn't difficult or easy, it was just like breaking the material it was made of. If it was a paper rope it would be simple, a metal one would take years to break and Atsushi's was made of rusty and dirty wire, with barbs corroded by the passage of time, which forever hurt the youngest's fingers and hands. Now all that was left of that burden was a rust-red metal hoop tied to his foot like a prisoner's chain and the marks it left on his skin by abnormally uprooting that bond.
Crying with his hands full of blood and a broken heart, he consoled himself thinking that his soulmate would be better off with someone who wasn't trash like him.
...
Akutagawa's parents were soulmates. Mom and Dad told their little children how they met, following a rainbow cloth that led them to each other. The eldest of the Akutagawa children looked forward to the moment when his rope would form. Even in the streets, where he could only focus on surviving, at night he dreamed of a person who would love him, made for him, and promised himself that he would not let his soulmate die like his parents.
Years passed, Ryuunosuke left the streets to become a killer dog and the rope did not appear. The hope died within him, Dazai's cruel words rang in his mind every time he went to sleep "There is no one in the world who loves you", "Who could love a murderer?", "You are so useless that not even your soulmate would love you if you had one "; until one day, he showed up. It was May 5, 2014.
When Akutagawa got up that morning, he thought it was a cruel joke from his mentor. Fury boiled his blood, the barbed wire tied to his right foot seemed to mock his eternal loneliness. Something as ugly and painful like that rusty binding could only be Dazai's doing.
But when that wire walked through the door and down the long mafia roads, he knew it wasn't some horrible joke from his superior. Apparently his soulmate was younger than him. Akutagawa didn't know what to feel.
He went through the day without telling anyone about his new romantic situation and, when he got to his room again, the bond was still there. Lying down on the mattress, he laughed bitterly as cold tears ran down his cheeks. The mafia dog has feelings, the people who could see that scene would think with surprise and it was like that. Also, how could he not laugh when his soulmate was tied to him, killer, trash, useless, by disgusting barbed wire? No doubt that union represented Akutagawa, horrible, painful and cruel.
So when the wire in his leg burned, fading black like his coat, he knew even his soul mate had realized how trashy he was. And even so...
It hurt.
Because on that day, both his recent soulmate and his mentor abandoned him as if he was worthless. And Akutagawa can't help but think they were right.
...
When Atsushi joined the Agency, he raised his bind to below the knee. His new clothes were not enough to cover the metal ring attached to his skin and, although only the albino could see it, he felt exposed, naked in the sight of all that he had severed his union with the only person in the world who perhaps can love him. Above his heel was a reddish mark, from the years that he had occupied the union of him that place, cutting his skin, reminding him of what should be there if he had not been a coward.
And then it happened. His leg was cut off along with its rusty metal ring. Atsushi screamed, blood staining the ground beneath him and the only thing he could think of was that children abandoned by their parents do not have the right to cry freely.
The tiger inside him roared as the world turned black.
When the albino opened his eyes, the wire was still there, tied to his leg as if it had never been cut. Apparently he could never get rid of his painful past.
Staring up at the ceiling of the Agency's infirmary, he wondered if he could one day bring love instead of misfortune. It's your karma, weretiger. And Atsushi couldn't help but think that he was right. The best thing would be for him to die in a ditch and he will never cause trouble for anyone again.
...
Akutagawa was nervous. He had faced hundreds of powerful enemies, his own ability, the end of the world and he was afraid of a casual chat with his superior.
"Come, Akutagawa, sit down. Don't just stand there like a coat rack." Chuuya seemed to be in a good mood, the wine making his eyes shine and his gaze sparkle. The ravenette gulped, sitting next to the redhead praying to all the gods that this was a good idea. "What did you need to ask me?" The major inquired intrigued that the Rabid Dog of the Port Mafia was asking for help from him, or from anyone in general.
"I ..." The younger one clenched his fists under the table, nervous. "I need help to win someone over." He muttered with his jaw clenched so hard he might have broken his teeth. The redhead looked at him as if he had told her that he wanted to leave the mob to become a therapist.
"... let me see if I understand correctly. Do you want my help to win someone over?" The older man repeated perplexed, watching as the raven squirmed in his seat.
"Forget it, this was a bad idea." He got up before he could make things worse but the redhead sat him down again with his gift.
"No, wait just a second." Chuuya rubbed his temples, feeling a migraine coming soon. "Does this have to do with the tiger boy from the Agency?" And the even more constipated face of the black-haired man was his answer. "Damn, how long have you liked him?" He asked even though something in him told him that he didn't want to know.
"Since I cut off his leg ..." he said softly but the redhead heard him perfectly.
"My God." He didn't know that he was surprised, in the end the boy was Dazai's subordinate. "But first of all, why do you need me?" Chuuya had dated a few people casually, but he never gotten anywhere, what would the younger mafioso need him for?
"The Jinko is not my soulmate. He probably has a person who loves him, someone much better than me. Still ..." The taller man looked away with determination. "I love him. I don't care if he's attached to someone else, I want him to be mine." He ended up blushing for the aforementioned.
Nakahara sighed, understanding. It wasn't much said in the mob that one of the organization's most powerful weapons didn't have a soulmate bond, but it wasn't a secret either. Chuuya had probably lost track of him by joining a God, leaving his human soul to be more than just a mere mortal. If someone knew how to conquer another person who had his bond, that would be Nakahara Chuuya.
"The things I can tell you are not going to be what you want to hear but there is what I learned about love." He took his glass of wine that now tasted bitter to him. "Be yourself, make him happy always, take care of him and worry about his feelings and, above all, do not stop being who you are for someone else." He finished to the disappointment of the youngest. "Just be honest and tell him how you feel. What's the worst that could happen, that he rejects you? You already have that for sure. But maybe he can reciprocate. If you don't you will be left with that doubt forever, watching him go with someone more while you wonder why you were a coward that let him go without even trying. "
The raven nodded thoughtfully. "I understand, thank you Nakahara-san." He headed for the door but paused before exiting. "If I may dare, you should take your own advice. I'm sure Dazai-san shares your feelings." And he walked away leaving a gaping redhead.
Damn, Chuuya thought taking off his hat, the boy grew up fast.
...
Atsushi was nervous. A lot happened in a very short time, he saved the world about three times, was nearly killed another thirty-three times and the mafioso who cut off his leg now asked him out on a date. It was the end of the world (again).
Well, the albino thought nervously twisting his long lock of hair, maybe it's some new method to murder me, right?
First it was a cough, then it was a plastic object thrown at his face and finally a "Jinko" which showed the arrival of the mobster.
"Akutagawa what ...-?" He couldn't even ask because two things took his breath away. The first was the appearance of the raven, Atsushi has eyes, Okay? He could appreciate when someone was hot, and Akutagawa had dressed to impress. He was definitely going to kill him with a heart attack. Then his gaze fell to the object that was allegedly his murder weapon, only to see a beautiful bouquet of roses. And, look, maybe Nakajima wasn't the best detective in the world, but he was sure that red roses meant love, right?
"Akutagawa ...-" Before he could even process what was happening another object had been thrown at his face and didn't the mafioso know how to go about things like a normal human being?
"Jinko accept my feelings!" The ravenette practically screamed as if the honmei chocolate (It wasn't even Valentine's, what the hell?!), the red roses and the date itself didn't show his feelings. The albino could only gasp like a fish out of water because, let's face it, Akutagawa, the Rabid Dog of the Port Mafia, in love with Dazai's apprentice agent whom he had tried to kill about two months ago?
"I ... I don't know what to say ..." He looked at the exasperated mobster who had extended his hand and, when he was about to take it, he felt it. The shackle attached to his leg. How could he take Akutagawa's hand so freely when he had already ruined his soul mate? After everything he had done to the mobster, he didn't deserve his affection. The reddish mark on his heel was proof of his crime. Atsushi didn't deserve to be loved. He would just ruin one more good person. "Sorry Akutagawa, I already have a soulmate." That's why he played dirty. Maybe if he was insincere the mafioso would walk away, he would get on with his life and find someone better than the albino tied to barbed wire.
"I see you think very little of me, Jinko." The raven looked slightly offended and why wasn't he leaving? Didn't Atsushi just tell him that he already had someone else? "I don't care about your stupid soulmate, tiger man, I want you to be mine." He ended up proud although anyone in his inner circle - Gin and perhaps Dazai - would realize how nervous he was inside.
"But, but, but ...-" Well, the youngest did not expect that. Normal people used to leave those who wanted to search for their soulmates alone, but perhaps Atsushi shouldn't have assumed that Akutagawa would act like a normal person for once. "You do not understand it." He moaned annoyed, now he really missed when the mobster just hated him (liar, liar).
"No, I really can't understand you Jinko." The mobster looked strangely calm and the albino was afraid that he broke him. "But I know one thing: I love you. More than I ever thought capable of. The world tied me to another person, my soulmate bond was horrible painful rusty barbed wire. And that person left me." The agent's heart stopped beating for a few seconds. Could it be ...? "For a long time I believed myself unworthy to be loved and to feel love. I still believe it, however ..." He approached the younger one slowly, as if he was trying to caress a frightened animal. "Atsushi, I love you. Even someone like me, a being born to kill and shed blood, could be blessed with that feeling. But I need you to answer me, do you feel it too?" He finished honestly, so close to the white-haired man that he could smell tea and mint from him.
"I ..." Atsushi didn't know what to say. The mobster opened up to him honestly, showing him his feelings in a way he would never have expected. Anything Nakajima said would be insufficient. So he took a deep breath and lifted the fabric from his pants. The rusted steel looked blood red in the golden sunlight and the look in Akutagawa's eyes was the answer to his doubt. He saw the union. They were soulmates.
"You ... I ... we ..." Confusion adorned the older's elegant features and, had it been under other circumstances, Atsushi would have laughed. But not now. Ryuunosuke deserved an explanation.
"In the orphanage they never told us about soulmates. I learned everything through books, looking forward to the moment when mine was formed to see what kind of person would be destined for me. To love me even though it was just a child who was abandoned by his parents in the trash. " He laughed bitterly under the older man's shocked gaze. "So when I turned 14 and a barbed wire was firmly tied to my leg, I was scared. I spent years waiting for that moment and a part of me couldn't help but think that I had ruined it, that I was the problem and the reason why this union was horrible and corrupt. I still believe it." He stare at the raven, It's not your fault, he expressed with his gaze, Neither was yours, the silver eyes replied but Atsushi ignored him. "I had never heard of a resemble or similar bond, and I was so scared that I asked the Director of the orphanage. You can imagine how it ended." He smiled bitterly, gently touching the metal ring attached to his skin, leaving traces of blood where his fingers were pricked. The oldest took his hand carefully.
"I understand now, tiger man. You really are a naive fool." He lovingly kiss the carmine-stained fingers, looking at the albino with such love it hurt. "I told you before, and I repeat it now. I love you, Nakajima Atsushi. I want you to be mine. I want to be yours. And that terrifies me. But it also makes me very happy." He wiped the youngest's now wet eyes and when had he started crying? "I don't care if I'm your soul mate or not, if fate have twisted plans for us, what I only want to know is: How do you feel?" And when Atsushi saw those gray eyes full of life, he knew his answer.
Joining his lips to the older's, the heavy chain on his leg thinned out. There, the two broken young men were finally free.
And that was enough.