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They had shared so many firsts over the years. First kisses, first dates, first holding hands, first making love, first fight, first pregnancy scare, first wanted pregnancy test to be positive to come back negative, first time they finally got a positive, first time they lost a pregnancy.
Link had never cried so hard before and it was that ugly crying. That kind of crying where you have snot and spit running down your face and your silently scream-sobbing on and off between actually scream-sobbing.
Rhett hated seeing Link like this, but all he could do was hold him through it. Rhett rocked Link side to side while he cried silently into his hair.
After thirty years of being together they were still having firsts. First time breaking ground where they were building their dream home. First time getting a puppy. First time Link came to Rhett to tell him he was ready to try again.
Link had no problems getting pregnant, but staying pregnant was their hurdle. Link had two more miscarriages, he had yet to get past the twelve week mark.
This had led them to their first visit with an infertility doctor, which led to the first time Link said ‘one more try I need a break’ which led to finally getting into the second trimester.
This first came too fast and painfully slow at the same time. This was a first neither of them ever wanted to share. This first nearly broke them.
At their first twenty-sixth week check up they were floating on air and excited to get another look at their baby again. The doctor started to do the ultrasound which led to the first time the doctor turned the screen so they couldn’t see what she was seeing. The first time Rhett caught the look of pain on the doctor’s face and just knew.
Link knew it too and he braced himself. The doctor didn’t say anything as she put the wand down and wiped some of the gel off Link’s belly. She took out her stethoscope and listened to Link’s belly for the first time.
The doctor finally looked up to the couple and, with tears in her voice, told them there was no heartbeat for the first time.
Link was numb. Rhett was devastated.
If it wasn’t bad enough to have lost another baby so far along they were told they would need to induce labor and Link would have to give birth, his first.
The firsts kept rolling. First time being in the hospital, the first epidural, the first contraction, the first time Link’s water broke. The first time Link needed to push. Rhett held him tight to his chest as he screamed and sobbed uncontrollably while pushing as hard as he could to get this over with.
And then it was over. There would be no first cry. Link asked to hold their son in his arms for the first and last time. They were left alone so they could say their goodbyes.
Their first funeral.
They stopped trying, took their first break. A year to the day they had delivered their stillborn Link sat on the toilet while he waited for the test result. Even though they weren’t actively trying again they weren’t doing anything to prevent it and Link knew his symptoms by heart.
Unable to sleep without knowing he crept out of bed, threw some clothes on, and drove to an all night pharmacy to pick up a test. And that’s how he ended up in the bathroom sitting on the toilet at two am waiting for the results. He didn’t really need the test he was positive he was pregnant and sure enough that word appeared in the window, pregnant.
Link didn’t know if he should smile or sob. He was a bundle of emotions. There was no real reason but he felt that this would be the one. It felt like baby Jackson was watching over them and had blessed this pregnancy personally and he wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to this baby.
Rhett stirred as Link was crawling back into bed. “You okay?” Rhett rumbled rolling over to see Link. “You were gone for awhile. Where did you go?”
“I’m fine. Really I promise. I couldn’t sleep so I went to CVS to pick something up.” Link wiggled around until his back was flush against Rhett’s chest and smiled into the dark room.
Rhett’s arms wrapped themselves around Link and held him tight. He let his sleep heavy eyes close and was almost asleep again when he heard Link’s voice call his name quietly. “Yeah?”
Link had chewed on his news debating when he should be ready to tell Rhett and decided now. “I’m pregnant,” he said into the dark room and held his breath.
“Mmmmmm okay.” It took Rhett a minute to catch up and when he did his eyes flew open. “I’m sorry say that again.”
Link giggled, “I’m pregnant.”
“Y-you’re sure?” Rhett’s chest ached because they’d been down this road too many times already it was hard to not get swallowed by fear and loss and pain.
“Yeah, here.” Link pushed himself up and reached to turn on his light. Link grabbed the test and handed it to Rhett.
“What made you take a test?” Rhett asked taking the stick and reading it.
“Got all the symptoms. Nausea, vomiting, coffee makes me sick. I didn’t need the test I knew it.” Link felt tears prickling in his throat. “I’m not sure if I can handle this yet.”
Rhett kissed Link’s neck, “This is going to be the one Link, I feel it in my bones. We’ve got to think that way. We have to believe it.”
Link wiped his eyes and nodded, “I feel the same way. I don’t know why, but this is the one for sure.”
The first time they were certain that this was the one.
They got to experience a slew of new firsts this time around. First time they decided to capture Link’s growing belly week by week. They picked out a spot to take the photos and Link stood sideways holding a chalkboard that listed the week, the size of the baby related to fruit, and Link’s current craving of the day.
They put the pictures into a movie and used it as the birth announcement and some extra exciting news.
Another first. The doctor told them they were having two.
First time they passed the twenty seventh week. First time they felt safe to start decorating a nursery with two of everything. And Link was passing every milestone with ease.
For the first time they started to make a birthing plan. Link was determined to give birth at home. He didn’t want to be reminded about what happened in the hospital. For his first live birth he was staying home.
At thirty six weeks Link went into labor naturally for the first time. And his labor was so different this time. It was peaceful almost.
There was soft classical music in the background and Link was in the birthing tub his midwife had brought over. He was leaning on the side while he contracted, first time he was able to use the breathing technics they had learned. Rhett was rubbing his back and whispering words of encouragement.
He stayed draped over the side as he began to push. It took no time at all for the twin’s delivery and they got the best first of all.
The first cries of life.