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“Nick this is-“
“Oh we’ve met before.”
“Well. Never actually said hello”
“Believe it or not, wasn’t my top priority at the time”
“Yeah I, uh, I actually wanted to apologise for all of that. I would have sooner, only no one told me you were still alive until yesterday, so.”
“Uh-huh”
“Yeah. You were actually my first mission failure in thirty years. And with three slugs to the chest? I was pretty surprised.”
“Yeah, it was pretty surprising for me too”
“Shit yeah, I’m sorry for that. Must’ve hurt like hell. And the car thing. And just…trying to kill you in general, I guess. I’ve uh, you know, been trying to make amends with people I’ve, people I’ve hurt, so if there’s anything I can do for you, or…”
“Well as much as I appreciate that incredibly vague offer, we both know it was Alexander Pierce trying to kill me, not you. And I got my amends from him a long time back now.”
“You uh-“
“I shot him”
“Oh. That was you.”
“Yes it was”
“-“
“Does that bother you, Sergeant Barnes?”
“No I just - no one told me that either”
“Uh-huh.”
“-“
“-“
“Why”
“Excuse me?”
“You were his- you were friends.”
“I worked with the man. Respected him, before I learned who he really was.”
“No you- he talked about you. There was a, he had a photo. You were friends.”
“The hell- a motherfuckin photo?”
“In his house. He had-“
“You spend a lot of time over at his house gossiping about his friends, huh? You might not be too familiar with the concept, but friends don’t usually send assassins to kill their friends. Friends don’t try commit mass murder to further the aims of a goddamn nazi death cult either.”
“-“
“-“
“It shouldn’t have been you.”
“Well maybe if you had done your job right, it wouldn’t have been.”
“-“
“-“
“Okay, you know what, I think that’s been enough of a reunion for you two, let’s uh, Nick why don’t you come over here and see how Sharon’s doing…”
————————
“He was right. It’s my fault.”
“What is?”
“It’s my fault Pierce is dead. I fucked it all up.”
“Are you saying you feel guilty for failing Hydra in your role as the winter soldier?”
“No I, god no fuck Hydra, I just…I should’ve, he… fuck I don’t know, I don’t know.”
“It’s okay James, take it slow.”
“-“
“So you say you don’t feel guilty for failing Hydra, yet you feel guilt over Pierce’s death? Despite the fact that Secretary Pierce was the leader of the organisation?”
“Look I get it okay? I get that I’m supposed to be glad he’s dead. He was the evil head of an evil organisation and the world is better off without him.”
“But?”
“-“
“Come on James, you can talk to me.”
“They didn’t- none of them knew him. They talk about him like that, and yeah fine, I get it. But they didn’t even know him.”
“But you knew him. And Nick Fury knew him. Is that what bothers you so much about this, about knowing it was Nick that killed him?”
“-“
“How about you tell me about the man you knew. Not the man they talk about. Who was Alexander Pierce to you?”
“He- I don’t know.”
“It’s okay. Take your time.”
“He respected me. What I could do. Most of them weren’t like that. They were afraid of me, sure, and they used my abilities but…he treated me like I was worth something.”
“I’m sure you were very valuable to him and his aims.”
“It wasn’t like that. Not just like that. You gotta understand, it wasn’t his fault, what I was. Zola and the Russians had made me into that long before him. He was handed a weapon, of course he was going to use it. But he…he cared about it. About me.”
“And this is the same man that inflicted pain on you for failure, ordered your memories to be erased? Yet you say he cared for you?”
“That’s different. That was how I worked. He had to do those things, but he didn’t want to hurt me. There was never pain without purpose. Not with him.”
“You say he didn’t want to hurt you. You sound very sure of that.”
“I am.”
“You know it’s often a lot more difficult than we think to understand someone’s motivations James.”
“I know because he told me.”
“-“
“-“
“You’ve mentioned he told you about his friendship with Nick Fury as well. Did the two of you talk a lot?”
“Yeah. He was…not many of them would, you know. Talk to me. Guess they didn’t see the point. But he would. He’d talk about how we were changing the world, making everything better. How I was shaping the course of history. When it was just the two of us, he’d tell me about himself, about his life. Showed me those pictures. Told me why he cared about fixing the world. How important I was to that, to him. He treated me like a person, as well as a weapon. He knew that I got pissed off when someone fucked up on an assignment, or that it felt good when I took a perfect shot. He was the only person who understood I was both.”
“And is that how you see yourself now James? As a person and a weapon?”
“I don’t- maybe. I don’t know. Maybe a decommissioned weapon.”
“Do you think that Alexander Pierce would still value you, if you were no longer a weapon? From what I understand, Hydra would have had no further need for the Winter Solider after Project Insight. By all accounts you could well have died on the helicarriers that day. Pierce was the man who put you there. He was an intelligent man, sacrificing one weapon to achieve his goals would have been-“
“No. He wouldn’t-he wasn’t sending me out to die. Yeah there was a risk, there’s always a risk but he would never…he wouldn’t.”
“James, I understand this is difficult. The man was one of the only points of permanence in your life for a long time. A source of authority, certainty, perhaps even a sense of safety. It’s natural that you would have a feeling of attachment. And that it would be difficult to accept, to consider, that maybe this man saw you as a means to an end-”
“No.”
“- and when that end was in sight, no longer had a use for you.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“So what was it like James?”
“He loved me.”
“-“
“-“
“Did he tell you this?”
“Yes.”
“When you would talk? When it was just the two of you?”
“Yes.”
“And when he said this, did you reciprocate?”
“-“
“-“
“Yes.”
“-“
“-“
“-“
“He liked me to say it back.”
“And did you want to say it?”
“I- yes. I think so. It was…it was good. To make him happy.”
“James, did Secretary Pierce like you to perform sexual acts with him as well?”
“That’s- why would you- what’s that got to do with anything?”
“We’re talking about your relationship with Secretary Pierce. About your clearly conflicted emotions between the man himself and the organisation he ran. I think it could have awful lot to do with how you feel towards him, don’t you?”
“-“
“-“
“Yes. We- yes”
“Okay. Thank you for telling me that”
“Okay.”
“Can you tell me how you’re feeling about that?”
“-“
“-“
“Like you think I’m sick. Like I’m still fucked in the head. But I’m not. I’m not. I remember. And I don’t care what you think because I know what happened, and I know him. I knew him. I know what he did, and I know they had to stop him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t- I miss him. Even now. I still miss him.”
“Alright. You’re okay, James. We’re almost at time, so I think that’s enough for now. There’s a lot to unpack here, but you did great work today.”
———————-
“Well well well. Long time no see.”
“I’ll have to take your word on that.”
“Sergeant Barnes.”
“Colonel Fury.”
“I’ll cut to the chase Barnes. We’ve got a, complicated history. Now I don’t need to like you, and I don’t need you to like me. And I’m gonna guess you trust people about as much as I do, so I’m not even going to go there. But what I do need for this to work, is to know that what we’re doing here is more important to you than whatever personal shit you, or I, or anyone else in this group has going on. Can you tell me that?”
“…Yeah. Yeah I can say that.”
“Good. Now-“
“Can I- I know you said it doesn’t matter. But I’d like to clear things up a bit on that complicated history.”
“Barnes, I swear to god if you try to fight me again…”
“No I - the last time. We spoke, I - there were some things I hadn’t dealt with. Things I didn’t even realise I had to deal with. About, about Pierce and…well, I was angry with you last time, for killing him. You probably picked up on that.”
“Uh-Huh.”
“But it turns out I, uh, I was in an abusive sexual relationship with him for, well we’re not sure how long, but long enough. It uh, fucked me up a bit, I think. It took me a long time and a lot of therapy to recognise that. And if I’m being honest, I’m still not…I’m not glad he’s dead. But I don’t blame you for killing him. And if it weren’t for talking to you I probably never would have started figuring this shit out. So yeah. I’m sorry, for last time. And thank you. I guess.”
“Well shit. That’s the second time you’ve caught me by surprise. For what it’s worth…you were right. He was my friend. But I’m sure as shit glad I killed that sonovabitch.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“Okay”