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The achingly unfamiliar yet so routine sound of snow crunching under his boot brought more discomfort to him today, feeling more of a reminder than the usual welcomed sound.
Usually, the glittering white dust covering the ground didn’t bother him; he never minded it, not that he could anyway. With his new (or not so new) ability to ignore all cold and feel completely fine while in a deathly freezing place, the cold went from a familiar nuisance to an unfamiliar wish to feel the temperature again.
He missed the bitter feeling of cold, the immediate drop when you stuck your hand into a pile of snow for too long. The way the breeze moved past him and all of the trees, causing minor discomfort as he would shiver in his coat and tighten the scarf. The almost irresistible want to run straight back inside, when the wind carried snow that bit into the flesh of his cheeks, almost as though mini daggers of icicles.
He would never be able to experience the joy and sadness of feeling cold. He doubted it was even possible for him to die of the cold now, regardless; the wind that once chilled him with frost was now a dull irritation, something he could no longer feel.
The bitter pain of frost felt like home. It was home, in a sense; it was what he retreated to when left without any other options.
But still, he longed to be like the others; Have the same luxuries as them even if they weren’t really luxuries. To feel cold in the same way they did.
He didn’t feel human anymore, not able to be the same as them anymore. His former self was gone, replaced by a version of him that felt less like himself.
Desensitised. He thought. Elements couldn’t bother him unless it was extreme heat. At least, I’m unable to feel the cold.
Oh, of course, it was simple. His body was the source of the ice; the reason for the eternal winter he could potentially stick all of the others in. His body regulated a temperature that was probably extremely cold for the ‘normal’ human. He knew it was cold; the feeling of cold being in the air even if he wasn’t actively able to feel it anymore, he knew it was there. He could sense the presence of cold air.
Vaguely, he wondered what the others thought of him now, being far from them in a self-exile that was his attempt of isolation to fix the uncontrollable ice problem. Would they think of him as a coward? For running away from his problems, despite them being his own problems. (He could never run from.)
Maybe they were glad for his decision to leave, deciding it was peaceful enough without him there. He didn’t need to unintentionally freeze another’s land, not after what he did to Shubble’s place, and not to mention Gem, whose new school was probably delayed by the ice he caused inside.
Perhaps they will leave me alone. Let me sit my days out here, let themselves forget about me and the whole uncontrollable ice magic. He leans against the ice of his castle, watching the sun rays spill as the new day started.
Sunbeams warmed the ice it glared on, slowly chewing away at the edges with heat that would eventually force the ice to dissipate.
Lucky, or unluckily, Scott was nearby, so the sun was unable to achieve its courtesy of melting the surroundings; unconsciously, Scott’s powers would bubble up and fix the icy landscape, curling around the existing spikes and strengthening them. The ice only thickened into more layers, as long as he stayed around.
The spikes were the same as when he arrived here, being partially melted and a bit disfigured but still holding shape. It was as though his presence put a pause on the spikes, stopping the deterioration they would have further suffered as the season changed into a warmer climate.
He thought this was better. For him, and for the others. As long as he stayed here, only this land would be affected by his power. And as long as it stayed that way… everything would be fine, right?
Deep down he knew that he couldn’t push away the feeling of guilt, that maybe they would miss him after all.
He turned away from the ‘wall’ of his tower, ignoring the rising sun, signifying yet another day of his unending loneliness. His ice tower was small, only the bare necessities lie organized and neatly in his shulker, save for the poppy and small spruce he had. It was a miracle they were still around. With the freezing climate and the neverending frost, he would have thought that at least the poppy would suffer damage here. Surprisingly, it survived, externally looking alive and unharmed by the cold.
The spruce survived as well, though Scott had expected that. After all, spruce was the toughest tree, growing in the coldest climates and beating the odds. He was glad to see that neither of them needed any desperate care, knowing full well he would not be able to heal them.
He shifted his gaze back over to the cyan-blue shulker huddled in the corner, Tools lying inside it fairly untouched, other than the axe, which had been used recently; It still was located in his Hotbar. He would go out to do something, had he not been up in the night gathering wood. His fault for it, really. He was tired, having been out, but refused to acknowledge he needed rest.
He let himself slide down against the wall, his back to the sun, which had only risen higher. He glanced down at the snowflake on his floor, the icy pattern he put in for the sake of not making this place so uninviting and cold. It worked- kind of. The tower wasn’t as comforting as his home in Rivendell was, not having the same familiarity with it.
Scott was startled out of his thoughts as a rocket being fired could be heard outside of the tower, signifying another person’s presence.
He reluctantly stood, aware that whether he wanted them to or not, they would find him here eventually because they knew this was where he set up his ‘new home’.
He heard the snow being compressed as the person landed, somewhat gracefully, near the hill. They could be heard walking towards the tower, the snow being a rather loud indication of their location.
“Scott? Where are you?” They called, the familiarity causing a pang of guilt in his chest.
It was Jimmy, The CodFather.
His ally.
His friend.
He hesitated, staying silent for a moment before returning a call of his own. “Jimmy?”
“Scott! Oh, you’re okay!” Relief sounded in his voice as he drew nearer to the ice tower, his speed faster and more confident than before.
He turns into the doorway very fast, catching himself as he grabbed onto the arch of ice that steadily kept him from faceplanting in the snow. Which would have been funny, though, considering the circumstances, it probably didn’t fit the moment.
His face is flushed red, which assuming from the cold, would fit the temperature being unbearably cold. His eyes were bright, full of relief and determination. For which Scott could only dread the reason.
“You want me to go back.” He stated plainly.
Surprise flashed in the CodFather’s eyes, before dimming down into a look of sheepishness and guilt. “Caught me there.”
“Jimmy-”
He interrupts. “Look! I know what you’re going to say! Just- hear me out… please.” His voice took on a note of desperation that Scott noticed immediately.
Guilt settled in his gut again. He shook his head. I’ll just listen to what he has to say. Then he leaves.
He sighs, looking up into the eyes of his friend that bore into his. “I’ll hear you out. Then you leave, okay?”
The CodFather smiles, genuinely and with relief.
“Thank you.” He enters the tower, sitting against one of the walls opposite to Scott.
There is silence shared between them for a good few moments, building up the awkward tension until it finally threatened to burst, the room thick with unbroken quiet.
“Scott… You know Gem doesn’t blame you for what you did? What happened wasn’t your fault.” The CodFather breaks the silence first, his gaze finally leveling on Scott.
He knew that Gem wasn’t mad. She never was one to lose her temper over something someone did, as long as they were remorseful. Of course, it was a different story for Xornoth, but that was because Gem was angry over her friends getting hurt by the demon.
But she should be angry. She has the right to, after he froze her unintentionally when he went to her for help. She should have been angry at him for harming her, whether he meant it or not. He knew the rest of the Wither Rose Alliance wouldn’t be happy with him, if he even went back.
“She should.” He murmurs.
“Don’t put yourself down like that! You didn’t mean it…” The CodFather argues in return.
He didn’t. He never knew how bad it would get, when he first got his ice powers. It sacred him, a lot, to not be in control of what he was doing when he was the one doing it. He probably never would have guessed, in the beginning, that this would go so far and cause so much damage between him and the other Empires.
“Hey… You didn’t mean it. I’m sure that Gem understands.” The CodFather tries to reason.
Gem already knew. She was a forgiving person, but that wasn’t enough to smother his guilt. She was hurt, and he didn’t know how to fix it. He was the problem. If he stayed out here, away from the others… they would be safe. He couldn’t hurt them, and wouldn't be the cause of another problem.
What if he hurt someone else?
He couldn’t. It wasn’t worth the risk, to go back. He missed the others, but if his presence was what put them in danger, he wasn’t going to let himself put them in harm’s way.
“But what if it happens again?”
He hated how pitifully his voice cracked with emotion. The question was heavy, a tie between whether or not he would go back.
The CodFather leaned back thoughtfully on the ice. “I can’t promise that it won’t happen again.” He started carefully.
Scott considered. He knew the consequences of going back to Rivendell, of being around the other empires again.
“-But isn’t it worth trying? Don’t you want to come back, to be there for your people?” The CodFather asked. “Don’t you miss us?”
He hesitated. Of course he missed them. Why wouldn’t he? They were his friends, his allies and the people he knew for so long. Breaking ties with them hurt him, and he wouldn’t deny it. That didn’t mean he would admit it. But he was purposely trying to guilt trip him by using their friendship.
“I’m a danger to be around.” He whispered.
In protest, The CodFather fired back. “That doesn’t mean we don’t want you to be around!”
He sighed. The CodFather was hard to argue with. His points were good, but that didn’t mean he was fully convinced.
“Jimmy-”
“You still need to apologize.” The CodFather firmly interrupts.
“I- what?” He was confused, for what did he owe an apology?
“To Gem. How do you think she felt, when you panicked after hurting her with your ice and flying off as far away as you could?”
That was a good question. He expected Gem to be disappointed in him, for running away from his problems. To be angry, that he hurt her. But it wasn’t unlike her nature to be worried, to hold some guilt for what happened because she was involved.
“She doesn’t blame you for it, you know. She said it’s not your fault, tried to convince anyone who asked that you never meant it.”
He hadn’t really considered how Gem felt about it, assuming she would just pin the problem on him (which really wasn’t far from the truth). But knowing she didn’t hold it against him, or blame him for his actions was enough to lift some of the burden.
He was silent for a few moments, in contemplation. Debating his return, the CodFather’s words and reasoning. That if what he said was true… perhaps Scott was blaming himself too much.
“Will you come back with me?” The CodFather asked softly.
If they are willing to have me back… They want to give me a second chance for redemption. For apologies and forgiveness.
“If you’ll have me back…” He started, trailing off.
The CodFather straightened, hope now alight in his eyes. He patiently stared into Scott’s own, a smile on his face.
“I think I can take a second chance.”