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“Ben?”
It was colder in the hotel room than it had been the night before. The chill struck deep in Ben’s bones and shook deep in his chest. He felt detached. The focus of his eyes were nowhere in particular and yet he could still make out Larry’s ceased movement beside him. A warm, delicate hand wrapped around his chilled wrist, slipping him from his reverie. Only then, as he looked up from the grain of the table to meet Larry’s concerned gaze, did Ben realise the pencil had snapped in his fist.
“ Ben? ” The younger man tried again, eyebrows knitting ever-so slightly.
“Sorry.” He mumbled, letting go of the crumbled bits of yellow wood. The pleasant touch left and Ben found himself missing it.
“Are you all-right?” Larry asked, worry laced in the inquiry. It was the third time tonight he’d had to ask.
“Yeah, yea.” He half-heartedly responded, hesitantly meeting his friend’s gaze.
Normally these nights were full of alcohol and deep rumbling guffaws as they typed up the long scripts. It was a familiar, touching routine which they’d gotten into. This same hotel, located perfectly between their two lodgings; the same ensuite; the same company. These last few meet-ups were less rousing, however. Almost depressing.
With a resided, bleak sigh, Larry ambivalently continued on from earlier. “If we take that line from earlier - the Fanny one - and add it here instead, then that’ll create the beautiful opening for this innuendo.” Larry laughed to himself, reading the words from the screen, mimicking Martha’s stoody Fanny Voice, then followed by a poor impression of Ben himself, The Captain.
“...properly erect at this hour…” Larry finished with a Captain-esque grumble.
Ben’s lips twitched upwards for a mere moment before disappearing back into his far-off stare. Larry frowned, gaze skimming Ben’s profile.
“Come on.” Larry nudged his friend, “If you didn’t find the joke funny, at least crack a smile at the voice.”
“No, it was good.” Ben reassured, a muted smile gracing his lips as he met the younger man’s watch again.
“Mate-” Larry cut himself off when he realised he didn’t know what to say.
A tick. Long enough to make the silence seem hopeless, then: “I’m sorry. Again.” Ben confused Larry by his random apology.
“What for?”
“This,” He gesticulated towards himself. “I’m lousy company, and even lousier help.” Ben’s eyes flit downwards to the littered table before returning to their target.
“It’s just fine.” Larry smiled lightly though it didn’t change the downcast mood.
“I should go.”
Ben pulled his file folders from Larry’s messenger bag and slipped his mobile into his back pocket. Then Larry’s mind caught up with his eyes as he quickly stood up, stopping the taller man and he slipped his backpack over his shoulder. Ben’s eyebrows furrowed, yet his eyes stared blankly.
“ Ben .” he pressed, a slight plea in his voice, reminding Ben that Larry did indeed care. “What’s wrong?”
Thoughts churned behind those silvery-blue eyes and then something snapped. “It’s just so much.” The stone cold eyes melted into a rheumy stare and his whole body slumped. The bag slipped from his shoulder with a clunk against the vinyl.
Larry blinked for a moment, addled.
“ It ?” He asked uselessly.
Ben laughed, a low, watery chuckle. “I should go.” He tried to step sideways but Larry followed suit.
“Something is wrong…” He cursed inwardly at himself. No shit Sherlock . “What is ‘it’?”
It was laced and particularised with a level of sentiment not even comprehensible by Ben himself. An it that’s compiled into a heap of shit that Ben is beginning to not understand how to handle. So, there was a snowball's chance in hell that he could explain it to Larry even if his life depended on it. At the same time, it, was clawing relentlessly at his sternum, tearing up his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut hoping for something - anything - to end this terribly hopeless mess.
Guilt pooled in Larry’s chest and he slowly retracted, “You don’t have to tell me. I- I understand if you want to go- mph~ ”
Without giving the action a second thought, Ben reached up, cupping Larry’s jaw and pulling him into a kiss with such force that Larry had to catch his balance by grabbing hold of Ben’s waist. The taller man’s lips were cold and yet soft and with measured hesitance, Larry found himself kissing back with equal vivacity.
Larry moaned as Ben’s tongue ran along the seam of his lips and he opened his mouth letting the kiss deepen. Quickly Larry was shuffled into the nearest wall and Ben pressed his thigh between his legs. With his hands pushed under the hem of Larry’s jumper, Ben began to trail kisses across the former’s jaw and down his neck, earning whimpers before returning to Larry’s lips.
Despite the euphoric enthusiasm that coursed through the two men, Larry couldn’t help but pull back as the warm, salty taste of tears stung at his lips. Ben froze in fear and swallowed thickly, slowly removing his hands from Larry’s jumper. The smaller man shivered as the gentle fingers slid down his stomach before disappearing.
“I should go.” Ben urged for the third time tonight, not quite meeting his friend’s gaze.
Larry said nothing, merely admiring Ben despite his reddened eyes and kiss-worn lips. Somehow the ‘Don’t’ they were both waiting to hear was caught in Larry’s throat.
He turned quickly, grabbing his bag and leaving - the door gently clicking shut. Painfully aware of his erection, Larry slid down the wall, shutting his eyes. His heart burned in his chest and he felt like he was being pulled in so many different directions.
It was too much and yet he found himself wanting more.