Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It's a no. Another no. Another rejection. And they didn't give any real feedback; just an additional good luck message.

Email Subject Line: Your application to Günlük Bilgi

Dear Ms. Tözün,

Thank you for taking the time to consider Günlük Bilgi. We wanted to let you know that we have chosen to move forward with a different candidate for the COLUMNIST position.

We wish you all the best in your job search.

Regards,

İlay Eser

Chief Editor

What is she going to do now? Günlük Bilgi was one of her last chances. And hopes. A pretty new online company with young employees… but they don't want her, either. 

What did she do wrong? She needs to know. The article wasn't her best one, but she wrote it with passion. She wrote it from her heart.

How bad is her writing style? How much did it get affected in the last months?

Email Subject Line: My application to Günlük Bilgi - feedback

Ms. Eser,

Thank you for your answer! I would appreciate it very much if I could get feedback regarding my article so I can understand what I should improve in the future. If it isn't a bother for you...

Thank you,

Ada Tözün

She reads the email three times, looking for any kind of typos or grammar mistakes. When she realizes she has none, she sends it before she can change her mind.

You're not bothering her. And even if you are, she won't answer. Breathe, Ada. Breathe. It's just an email. Stop overthinking!

"Ada, are you okay?" Gianna's fingers on her shoulder startle her, making her almost knock the open water bottle off the table right into her lap.

"Yes, yes. Sorry, I just needed to answer an email." She puts her phone with the screen down on the bench, so she wouldn't be tempted to continuously check her Inbox. She tends to do this a lot.

"Oh, exams related or…? I mean, if it's personal, sorry."

This makes Ada smile. Gianna is a great person. She never asks intrusive questions and she never makes fun of her accent when it comes to pronouncing difficult words.

"Don't worry, it's not personal. But it's work-related. I mean, I applied to different newspapers, marketing, and advertising companies, online platforms in Turkey that don't require my presence physically, so I could work from here, but almost all rejected me. I'm waiting for two more responses."

Ada is tired more mentally than physically. Because the dream she thought will become reality here gets further away every day.

Maybe Nergis teyze was right… No! No, yapma, Ada. Yapma.

"That sucks so much. But did you try to apply to any companies here, too? Your English is great." Gianna's genuine smile makes Ada feel more relaxed, and her compliment proud. Her accent was not the best when she came. It still isn't sometimes, but she speaks so much better and she feels braver. Brave enough to start random conversations and even debate in class.

"I did it…" she says hesitatingly. "I applied to two companies, but they were pretty clear they wouldn't hire me."

"Why?"

"Being a Turkish student on a scholarship, living in a small place… they don't want me," Ada takes a break, smiling a little. A miserable smile. "They might think I want to stay here forever."

And she doesn't. She thought she might before she actually moved. When she was packing. Even before she landed. She thought there might be a possibility she enjoyed London more than İstanbul, but it never happened. She feels as homesick as she did the day she arrived. Her writing style hasn't improved, and she still doesn't have a job.

"Did you get feedback at least? I mean… did they tell you what you did well, what you need to work on?"

"Most of them wanted a person with at least 2 years of experience. Some didn't like the articles I sent: the writing style, the subject. Some Turkish companies weren't okay with the fact I live so far from home even though there were no requirements that specified anything like that. I really don't know what I can do…" Ada holds her breath as she speaks fast, wanting to explain everything at once. "I obviously need to improve my writing to be able to actually get a job. I guess I need some help."

The last words are a whisper that Gianna almost doesn't hear.

Ada might have accepted many things in the past, but it's hard for her to accept that what she's always loved doing might not be good enough. And that she needs help… guidance.

"Maybe you should attend a creative writing course," Gianna tells her, moving her hair away from her face. The wind is starting again and it looks like it's not going to stop soon. A cold wind.

Ada quickly puts her jacket back on, zipping it up all the way.

Good thing I took my hat this morning.

"My sister did, and it helped her a lot to understand the big picture and what she needs to work on. She even convinced me to register for the optional creative writing course he teaches here this semester."

That catches Ada's attention immediately.

"He's a professor at our university?"

"No… I mean, yes. Temporarily. I think he replaced a professor that got pregnant. I don't know much because I never participated in a course or seminar he teaches, but I heard from my sister he's a great writer. I think you might know him, he's Turkish, too. From İstanbul."

İstanbul? Her heart jumped.

Is he the Turkish professor she heard about when she moved?

That would be so nice… maybe he would help her after all.

"Really? What's his name?"

Gianna immediately smiles when she sees her excitement.

"Bora Doğrusöz."

"Bora Doğrusöz?" Ada asks unsurely.

Bora Doğrusöz. Where did I hear it before?

She closes her eyes, trying to think about it for a few seconds. Not at university for sure. He must be older than me by at least one generation.

"Yes, Bora Doğrusöz," Gianna repeats his name almost perfectly. Her ö needs a little more practice, but Ada is impressed. And confused. "Does it ring a bell? He's quite young. Dark hair..."

"It sounds familiar, but let me look him up to be sure."

She takes her phone, unlocking it with her face, then checks her email notifications. None.

Breathe.

She quickly opens Google, typing the name Gianna gave her, curious to find out who he is. 

The first two photos she sees are probably taken in an office. He's wearing a black shirt and a dark grey suit.

He's a brunette like Gianna said, and his eyes must be brown or black. And he seems pretty tall. He’s… handsome.

Not the type of man she usually goes for or even notices, but he is really good-looking.

Bora Doğrusöz, entrepreneur and writer, is the co-founder of the online writing platform: BizdeBöyle.net.

BizdeBöyle.net?

Ah! She applied to it a few weeks ago and got the rejection email from the chief editor after just two days, with a very clear message: they didn't find her writing style appealing and the article subject satisfying enough.

He's the CEO… obviously, he didn't read my work, but he runs the company. His employees know what he expects from them, so if I wasn't good enough for his platform, how would I be able to meet his standards? Maybe I need to write more at first… to try harder.

Disappointment.

"Thank you for your suggestion," Ada says, still looking at the screen. Bora Doğrusöz is twenty-six years old, just four years older than her, yet he's a professor, a writer and he has his own company meanwhile Ada is in another country, away from her family and with more writing problems than she had when she arrived. "But I think I'll pass. My schedule is hectic, and I truly need to focus on my exams and my thesis. Hopefully, the inspiration will hit me."

What inspiration? She's been trying to find inspiration for weeks after waiting for it to come naturally. No matter what she does, nothing clicks. No music, no books, no real stories. Nothing. She can't even write from her own experience. The anger, the fatigue, the fear, the hunger are stuck inside her…

"I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"Thanks. It means a lot," Ada's smile doesn't reach her eyes, though, and Gianna notices it, too.

How is she gonna figure it out?

A notification sound makes her pay attention to her phone again.

An email…

Email Subject Line: Your application to Günlük Bilgi - feedback

Ms. Tözün,

We liked the subject of your article, but the way it was presented didn't attract our attention. It had no impact. Your writing style needs improvement. 

We wish you all the best!

Regards,

İlay Eser

Chief Editor

Attention. Impact. Improvement.

It's a phase that will pass. Her aunt said about her passion for writing.

Just a phase… about her passion for art.

But it's not a phase. It never was.

You need to do something, kızım. You need to do something. You won't fail! You can't fail. You don't have this privilege.

"You know what?" She raises her head to look at Gianna. "Maybe you're right. It doesn't hurt to try, right?"

"Exactly. What's the worst thing that could happen?"

Another rejection.

But she has to be brave. She has to risk getting her hopes shattered again.

"Do you have any idea where his office might be?"

*

Finding his office was not hard because she has one course in this part of the campus this semester. It's on the penultimate floor, in a slightly more isolated corner. But she goes to the bathroom first, trying to catch her breath after climbing so many stairs and fix her hair.

You can do this, kızım! Explain the situation without too many details, ask him if he could help you, then wait for his response. Don't panic! If he refuses you, he refuses you… nothing you can do about it.

She closes her eyes, starting to count to ten.

She needs to get out of the bathroom now before she can change her mind. And she does, heading directly towards Bora Doğrusöz's office.

"... it's bad."

Ada stops walking when she sees two men right in front of the door. Bora Doğrusöz and most probably another professor.

Her eyes return to the man she's been looking for instinctively, analyzing him as much as she can while he’s focusing on the conversation.

He's twenty-six, she reminds herself.

O-H-A.

He really is tall – taller than she assumed. And his shoulders are actually broad… surprisingly considering his body structure. Really broad.

She has a soft spot for wide shoulders…

And the all-black suit he's wearing accentuates his body very well. Especially his face.

"They'll listen." That's the only phrase he says. They'll listen… 

OHA!

His voice is low and deep. A little hoarse, too.

She just knows he would be a successful storyteller. Children would be fascinated by his timbre. Romance and fantasy books lovers, too. He’s the perfect choice for audiobooks or podcasts.

"Oh, hello, can we help you?" The other man asks her with a fatherly look. He must be her aunt's age. He seems such a warm person.

"Hello, I'm looking for professor Doğrusöz," she says as calmly as can while shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

It's hard for her to stand still when things are not in her control. And the idea of speaking to a complete stranger about her writing problems is something far, far from her comfort zone.

"Then, I'm leaving. See you tomorrow, Bora." The professor nods towards him, before giving Ada a courteous smile and walking away.

They're alone now.

"Hello." It's the first word he says to her.

H e l l o.

His voice is even lower because of the change of his tone: more serious, professional, making Ada wonder how he would sound if he talked an octave below.

Would he be able to pull off Henry Cavill's Geralt of Rivia?

What are you thinking about? Breathe, he won't eat you.

"Hello, sorry for interrupting you," she answers shyly, stepping towards him.

Fuck, she said hello twice. Great start!

Bora moves away from the wall he was leaning up against when he sees her getting close to him.

He notices immediately she's very nervous. She doesn't even make eye contact with him, keeping her eyes on the floor, looking stiff and uncomfortable. She even fidgets with the brown bag she's holding on her left shoulder.

"No problem. Let's talk inside," he points to his office before opening the door for her.

Is she one of my students? But I don't remember her face. God, please, don't let her be an admirer… I'm not in the mood.

Stepping inside, Ada is surprised by how spacious the place actually is. The walls are yellowish, but the furniture isn't as old as she expected. There is a small black couch near the bookcase that covers an entire wall. There are even some flower pots here and there, and two chairs in front of a beautiful modern desk behind which she can picture Bora Doğrusöz sitting in his fancy suit.

It's nice.

"So how can I help you?" The question makes her flinch. He is so close and she didn't even notice. "Are you here for the test?"

Yuh... his Turkish accent is almost nonexistent. His English is so good!

I'm jealous, Ada thinks as she turns to look at him. He's only four years older than me and he's achieved so much. How much he must have worked for it… how much money and time he must have invested.

"I'm not here for the test. I don't- you're not my professor." It's all she manages to say. Sometimes it's hard for her to find the right words in another language. Especially when she feels intimidated.

Especially when he keeps looking at her and yuh! His eyes are really brown – as she assumed when she saw his photos. A beautiful nuance.

And his jaw. Maybe he is her type a little. She has a thing for a more defined jaw.

But that hair… that hair is drowning in gel, making him look at least thirty.

He's gonna get bald soon, kıyamam.

"Oh, so then why are you here?" Bora's eyebrows raise in suspicion, and he takes a few steps back until his back touches his desk.

Distance. Good!

"Uhm, it's about the creative writing course," she says nervously, looking at him from the same spot. He seems so serious and Ada's trying to remember the last professor she saw wearing a probably expensive all-black suit. It's so posh. Ostentatious even. But he's also a CEO, so…

"The university-"

"No, no, your creative writing course," she interrupts him, and she notices he hates it by the way he closed his eyes.

Great start again!

She almost wants to apologize because she knows she actually needs him, but she decides to stay silent. He doesn't have to know she's desperate for help.

"You're interested in my creative writing course? How did you find out about it?"

Here it comes, kızım. Here it comes! You can do this. He's close to your age, you're from the same country, maybe he'll help you.

And without even realizing it, she's walking towards the desk… towards him, getting the courage to finally answer to him in Turkish.

"Bir arkadaştan duydum."

Hearing her own voice almost brings her to tears. She misses this so much: being able to speak without thinking about it and repeating sentences in her head over and over again to make sure there are no grammar mistakes. To make sure she knows how to pronounce certain words correctly.

She loves English very much, that's why she chose to study English literature in the first place, but she misses Turkish, too. She misses the verbal freedom.

She hasn't had the time to meet anyone here from Turkey, so she really has no one to talk to in her native language. She does it only when she calls or facetimes her aunts and Selin.

Does Bora Doğrusöz feel the same?

Seeing his confused face, Ada feels the need to continue the explanation: "Ablası-"

But he stops her. Bora stops her before she can actually make things clearer by raising his hand.

Not even a "yeter". Just a hand gesture...

"Interesting. You came here to talk about my creative course and you start speaking in Turkish," he answers her in English, as he moves from the desk until he meets her in the middle. "Tell me, Miss, did you learn a little Turkish from some TV shows you're watching and decided to practice on me?"

Ada is absolutely speechless as he looks into this stranger's eyes that seem anything but friendly.

"Ne?"

"Seriously now, do you think I'm so easy to impress?" Ada tightens her grip on the bag before she left out of frustration. He is ironic and serious at the same time.

What the fuck… 

"No!" She takes a step back, almost nauseated. "You got it all wrong, Bora bey. My name is Ada. Ada Tözün, Gerçek-."

Bora notices her body trembling and almost curses himself. He didn't have the greatest day, but this girl didn’t deserve this treatment.

Tözün. Ada Tözün…

The girl with the Breton cap has a name, and she's actually Turkish. A Turkish student who is there for his creative writing course.

Small world.

Allah kahretsin! Bora sighs. Her eyes are so green, so expressive up close.

"Okay, so what do you want, Ada Tözün?" He asks her suddenly, then tilts his head towards the chair behind him, inviting her to sit down. "But, please, use English. We're not home, and everyone here must speak English."

He doesn't wait to see if she takes a seat, as he suggested, returning to his desk, wanting to keep a professional distance.

But Ada did listen: she sat down and now she has to crane her neck to be able to meet his eyes.

She's a beautiful girl. Very beautiful. Her long brown hair is probably naturally wavy or even curly and it fits her face perfectly.

And he would notice her in another context most probably. Especially because she can't be much older than him. In her early twenties for sure.

But attractive or not…it shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.

"The long version of the short one?"

She's nervous again, he thinks, noticing her leg bouncing.

"Make it short, I don't have much time," he says more coldly than he intended. But he truly doesn't want to be rude. He has a meeting with Ali in thirty minutes about the newest articles they decided to publish, and the last thing he wants is to be distracted by someone.

But Ada doesn't let his tone discourage her. It's now or never. She sighs, moving her bag into her lap so she can focus better.

She resists the urge to roll her eyes. Speak English. Make it short, I don't have much time.

Öküz!

"Long story short: I would like to attend your creative writing course. I heard about it from a friend… colleague, and-"

"It's full," Bora interrupts her immediately.

Full?

"Really?"

No. Yes. Yes, but no. He never had an exact number of people every time… Maximum is twenty, and he has fifteen people signed up now, so he could take her, too.

But she's a student here. And she's from Turkey.

"You're a student here. I can't-"

"But I'm not your student," she interrupts him calmly. Again. The second time… and she has a point, but if there is something Bora can do very well is to read people: their desires, needs, moods. And Ada Tözün, despite the fact she controls her voice and her leg stopped shaking, is desperate for this course.

And desperation doesn't make a person a good writer. He knows that better than anyone else.

"Good point. But why? Why do you want to attend my course so badly, Ada Tözün?" He leans down towards her, and he notices her eyes get even greener when she gets upset and angry.

"I need this." She closes her eyes as if the simple fact she admitted that causes her pain physically.

She chose honesty, which Bora values very much, but he also feels disappointed. He has to say no now without a doubt. Another reason to say no.

"I can't help you. Need is not-"

"Look,” she interrupts him for the third time, and Bora's eyes get darker. "I know I'm a stranger and a student here, but I need this. I need this course to challenge myself. To become better, to learn from someone who actually writes, and meet other people that can motivate me to write better. Being in another country is not easy for me," she stops talking to take a deep breath. She's never spoken so fast in English before, but she can't let this chance pass. If he'll refuse her, fine, but she tried her best. "I miss home, I miss the language, the food, but I chose to come here because I thought studying here is an opportunity to understand the world and me better and gain experience that could help my writing skills. Yet, here I am… after more than fifteen job refusals and with a writer's block I can't overcome, I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone. You, as a writer, must understand the frustration a writer's block creates."

Fuck, she's passionate. Really passionate about writing. And she's beautiful. A really dangerous combination.

"Well, I am a writer, Miss Tözün. I understand how writer's block works, but you're not a writer." He moves away from her as he speaks, trying to create the illusion of a cold… professional distance between them.

He knows how much the phrase "you're not a writer" hurts someone. Especially in the situation where Ada Tözün is in, but he can't let her win this. He can't. Not after she hit home.

Ada wants to punch him in the face.

Pardon, Bora bey, yazar olmak için sizden izin almak lazımdı unutmuşuz...

"Well, I want to be one too," she swallows her pride, giving Bora a forced smile, but he can see how hard she tries not to yell at him.

"Do you?"

Bora's having more fun than he predicted. Ada Tözün has a fire inside her after all: her fists clench at the sarcastic tone he uses, but she controls herself well. 

"Very much. And for that to happen, I need to work on my skills under someone's guidance. Please…"

Interesting approach. She's indirectly trying to position him as her tutor.

Smart. Very smart.

"Miss Tözün, please…" he says, as annoyed as he can pretend to be, but he actually wants her to continue. She makes him curious.

"Look, I'm very ambitious. And I have great grades. I'm always on time, I'm responsible… You can ask my professors-" This time, she stops herself in the middle of the sentence, closing her eyes. Like she had enough. Like she can't continue to swallow her pride and beg a stranger for an opportunity. "You know what? I'm sorry for wasting your time."

And before Bora can even process what's happening, she's already on her feet, walking to the door as quickly as she can, with her bag back on her shoulder.

"I wish you luck, Miss Tözün!" He says when she opens the door, remarking her clothes for the first time.

The blue jeans she's wearing mold perfectly to her ass, despite the fact they're large in rest.

Fuck!

Instinctively, his eyes go higher, stopping on her breasts.

Double fuck.

And only then, he notices her thin black jacket that is not suitable for this weather. Not at all.

She's gonna freeze to death… but maybe she lives on campus or nearby. Or maybe she has a car.

He shakes his head, trying not to think about this. It's not his problem. Ada Tözün is not his problem.

"Öküz herif!" He hears her say under her breath, looking him straight in the eyes before basically running away from his office.

He laughs.

What a strange girl...

Chapter Text

Drinking cold coffee should be illegal. Bora hasn't tasted something so bad in probably years, but he needs it to help him focus. He had a long day. 

"Kuzen?"

"Yes?" He puts the awful coffee cup on the table and turns his attention back to the screen. The whole team is waiting for his feedback, but he feels like something is crushing his head.

"What do you think about it?"

Fuck.

"Sorry, my connection here isn't the best, so I couldn't hear you properly. The last part, I mean."

He hates lying. He hates lying from the bottom of his heart, but sometimes even the most honest person has to lie. And it's not like his signal is actually good here...

But Ali notices immediately he wasn't paying attention and comes to his rescue: "We just wanted to know what you think about Miray's idea to write about how childhood influences adulthood from different perspectives. We can prepare some interviews."

Bora nods twice, thanking Ali in his mind for the recap.

Not a bad idea at all.

They can make comparisons between females' perspective and males' perspective. Rich VS. poor. Educated VS. less educated. Family issues VS. happy childhood.

It can attract readers from all types of environments if it's written properly.

Adults' childhood experiences affect their behavior, actions, and personality even if they aren't aware of the impact.

Overprotective parents might indirectly cause the child's fear of socializing and interacting in general. He might not feel comfortable meeting new people or even hanging out with his friends. He would rather stay home, in his safe space alone or with his parents and siblings.

He knows this feeling...

"It's a good idea," he says, looking directly at the camera so they can all see him. "In adulthood, people will try or just continue to fulfill their childhood desires in an adapted way to today's society. Fears. Parental support or the lack of it. Attachment, freedom... we need to interview people from different categories to make a good article."

His prompt answer makes everyone take notes, except for Ali, and Bora decides to wait for a little while so they can finish.

At least the ideas aren't gone... he sighs, tired already of this day. This month. This entire period.

The most intriguing thing that happened to him today was Ada Tözün calling him öküz herif . 

He feels like he's gonna lose his mind soon.

"Harikasın, Boracım!" Tuğçe is the first one to talk, with her usual big smile on her face.

Well, she is a good example of a rich girl with good, but absent parents.

Adults usually suffer due to the absence of parents in their childhoods unless the parents are toxic.

Even if only one parent is absent and the remaining parent may be good, trying to fulfill the child’s needs and make him happy, the absence might still affect the kid in adulthood, too.

He remembers Tuğçe's parents briefly when they were kids. They were very kind and warm towards her and him and Ali when they were playing together, but they had so much work... they were not there for her most of the time.

"Thank you, Tuğçe."

Bora's always tried to keep meetings short. Planning, writing, editing, and scheduling might require more time. But since he's in London, he likes to be extra fast. The 3 hours difference can be a headache sometimes, especially when there are emergencies and he's in the middle of a course or seminar. And he also always has to double-check if it's too early or late to call home.

"Kuzen, don't worry, this week's articles are already prepared. Tuğçe made sure everything is on point." Ali tried to assure him again like that would make Bora less stressed. It's not that he doesn't trust Ali. He's his ortak, his cousin, and his friend. Bora couldn't have done this without him, but he is not there, and he hasn't even visited in more than four months. The lack of direct control is something he's not used to, despite the fact that he always checks the work before it gets published.

Ali does a great job, Tuğçe, too, but he misses Bizde. He misses the building, his office, the meetings, the hot coffee, his inspiration...

"Perfect, then I'll let you continue. Great job, Miray, again, and Ali, please, send me that email." But before Bora can end the zoom meeting, Tuğçe speaks.

Of course she does...

"Bora?"

"Efendim?" He tries to stay calm even though he kind of wants her to just shut up sometimes.

"You haven't written articles in a while, do you want-"

"No need, Tuğçe, you're doing just fine. Thank you once again and kolay gelsin!" He answers quickly and ends the meeting before she can add anything. Before Ali could see his face. The panic. The anger. The pain.

Bora closes his eyes.

Allah kahretsin! He closes the laptop with force. 

*

Allah kahretsin! She closes the door with force. 

She's never felt happier to be back in her flat. It might not be much, but it’s home…

Her books. Her art. Her TV shows. Her music. Her sanctuary. Where no client could touch her ass or be rude to her. Where Bora Doğrusöz couldn’t tell her: You’re not a writer. Where she could cry in peace.

Fuck this!

Ada puts her bag on the floor so she can take off her jacket and shoes.

Fuck him!

Speak English. Make it short, I don't have much time.

“Sen kimsin, lan? Sen kimsin? You didn’t even want to listen to me… to give me a chance! One little chance! Does being human hurt you, Bora Doğrusöz?” She’s speaking out loud, basically screaming on her way to her bedroom after grabbing her bag.

But she knows it’s not Bora’s fault… It’s hers. It’s her stupid block. The rejections. The homesickness.

She's just numb, and her words are just as numb.

She takes the notebooks and phone from the bag before throwing it on her desk out of frustration.

I bet Bora Doğrusöz would hate this room. She laughs humorlessly as she pictures his horrified face. He's totally a prim guy who likes things done in a certain way – his way. I hope his coffee is cold and his pillow is warm on both sides.

And her bedroom is far from big or very tidy. She has a pair of jeans on the chair and some books on the floor because her bookcase has no room anymore. Her heart is broken for them, but she doesn't have enough space for another bookcase. 

You need to let it out, kızım. You need to let it out! she thought.

Sighing, she finally sits down on the edge of her bed. She's tired of this day. This month. This entire period.

It's almost 22:00 here, so it's almost 1 am in Turkey. Ah, Selin, I hope you won't curse me too much.

It takes fewer tries than Ada predicted for Selin to answer the phone, sleepy and panicked.

"Ada, iyi misin? What happened?"

She still hasn't gotten used to not seeing Selin almost every day. It was a part of her routine back in İstanbul, that somehow feels ancient now.

She feels like a different person meanwhile Selin is still the overprotective friend she's always known.

"No, Selin, don't worry, nothing happened." She smiles through the tears, trying to calm her and herself down.

Don't cry, Ada! You'll make Selin cry, too.

"Ah, kanka, you scared me. How are you, did you arrive home? I haven't heard from you in two days."

"I'm home. I'm good, I've just finished work, but I felt the need to talk to you."

As soon as she finishes the sentence, Ada can't control her sobs. The tears she's been trying to control are falling one after another in a way that makes it impossible for her to talk.

It's not even about Bora Doğrusöz's refusal.

It’s scary: being refused and alone, trying to figure out if the decision to move for one year in another country was worth it or not. The good parts are also the bad parts. Ada might be a home person, but not being able to see her family and Selin, needing to make new "friends'' that speak a completely different language and have a completely different culture all of the sudden - starting from scratch basically and dealing with betrayal and lack of support… make her feel like she's drowning. Suffocating in a foreign country.

"Ah, Ada, bebeğim, you're breaking my heart. Did anyone hurt you? Tell me, do I need to come to you?"

"Y-yok, yok, Selin. İyiyim, gerçekten. It's just that…"

Sobs. Sobs. Sobs. That break Selin's heart. That make Ada's head hurt like hell.

"Ada, please, how can I help you?"

"You c-can't. It's just that… I applied to s-so many companies and they rejected me. I wanted to start a creative writing course, but the professor rejected-d me today. I can't-" She stops talking before she can confess about her biggest problem. The one that's been eating her alive little by little. It’s her secret.

I can't even write anymore. I have nothing.

"Ada, hold on. You want to attend a creative writing course?"

She's shocked. Ada can sense that even over the phone.

"Y-yes. I… Bora Doğrusöz's course."

"He's Turkish?" Selin interrupts Ada before she can explain more. Double shock.

Not because there isn’t a big Turkish community in London, but because Ada never said anything about a writing course.

She has so much on her plate at the moment, Selin can't imagine why she'd add this, too.

But she's Ada… and Ada always wants to evolve.

"Yes. And he refused to talk to me in Turkish! He's a professor at my university, but I don't have any courses with him. I heard about him from a classmate, so I wanted to try my luck." She takes a break to calm down. The sobs stopped, but her anger is taking over quickly as she starts to remember the way Bora Doğrusöz chose to treat her. And how she almost begged him for a chance to prove her skills… what is left of them.

She knows she takes it too personally, he's a busy man with no time to lose. Tamam, but refusing to speak in Turkish? Refusing to even listen?

"And?" She hears her friend asking, curious about what made her so sad.

"He assumed I learned a little Turkish from some dizis and I decided to practice on him to impress him."

"Ne diyosun, kanka?! Seriously?"

Good. So she's not crazy after all. That comment made no sense, it only showed how big his ego is.

"Yes! Then he said we're not home, and everyone must speak English. He didn't even listen to me!" Ada basically yells the words, raising her left hand in the air. Her fingers close into a fist as she tries not to cry again out of frustration.

"English?"

Ada wishes she could see her face. The next time, she's gonna videocall her.

"What a shame he's such a prim guy. But I guess his face is pretty at least," Ada said without even realizing.

She called a guy pretty while talking to Selin. To Selin!

Big mistake. HUGE!

"So he's pretty? Your type of pretty or my type of pretty?" Selin’s voice is different this time. Teasing.

No, this is not happening.

"I don't know." Ada tries to sound indifferent, chill, like she's not freaking out inside about how the discussion went from he's awful to he's pretty.

How did it even happen?

"Let me check, then. What's his name again? Bora…"

Ada knows there's nothing she can do about it if Selin wants this. She sighs, giving her his last time:

"Doğrusöz, but why is this important again?"

Selin ignores her. Or she's just too busy staring at Bora Doğrusöz's pretty face on Google for a few minutes.

Ah, Ada, ah! You're digging your own grave.

"Yuh, kanka! You find a dark-haired guy who isn't an actor pretty?"

Selin is half shocked, half proud. As if Ada has just announced this guy is her boyfriend.

"I didn't say he's pretty. I said his face is-"

"He's a writer, CEO, professor and he's twenty-six. And a dark-haired! I need to write down the date." She isn't even listening to Ada. She's now completely impressed as she's looking at his achievements and bio. “He's so handsome, oha!”

"Selin! I've just told you he refused to even listen to me."

It seems like the conversation isn't going anywhere at this point. Ada closes her eyes annoyed by this turn of events, playing with the edge of her T-shirt.

It's a habit she got from childhood. Every time she was nervous about telling her aunts something – which happened a lot –, she used to play with the edge of her dresses, skirts, or shirts.

She even bites her nails from time to time, despite the fact she knows it's bad… The risk of getting hepatitis is always on the back of her mind, but she doesn't even realize she’s doing it until it's too late, and her nails are in her mouth.

"I think you shouldn't give up. One more try won't hurt you."

"Come on… I will not let him humiliate me. Maybe he'd think I'm harassing him or something."

Ada can't risk this. She doesn't know how he can react, or how far he can go if he's pissed. He thought she was trying to impress him, so stuff like this might happen to him often. He's young and foreign…

She could lose her scholarship just because she insists. People are not understanding these days, and the last thing she wants is to get on Bora Doğrusöz’s nerves.

"Then don't talk to him face to face, write him an email or something."

An email. She could do this… she can send him an article and ask him for his honest opinion. And a chance. If he refuses her, he refuses her again.

Will her pride be hurt? Yes. But is it worth it? Yes!

Ada read a few articles he published on his platform, and they were catchy,  convincing, and complex. And a few poems. He even got nominated for that volume. At twenty-six!

She can learn so much from him, even if he sucks as a person.

"You know what, maybe you're right... Sorry for waking you up, though. I'm gonna take a shower now."

*

He should be sleeping. Or writing.

He should be doing anything but looking at a student's Instagram feed. And stories. And highlights. And the following list. And her followers.

Well, she's not his student, but it's still a little... inappropriate.

Her username is simple: ada_tozun, so it was easy for him to find her profile, considering the fact that she gave him her full name in the office. After he assumed she learned some Turkish words to impress him…

She must have been so angry, he thought.

Bora was surprised her page isn't private like his at first, but she doesn't post many photos with her, anyway. More quotes, places, friends, music. And she has nice descriptions, too.

Her latest photo is his favorite, though… and the caption made him smile.

"Güneş yerinde, her şey yolunda;)"

Does she know the song or did she simply search for a quote about the Sun on the Internet?

In the picture, she was outside, with her eyes closed and her face towards the sunlight. She had a pair of sunglasses on her head and she was wearing earrings.

So she owns a ticker jacket, after all, he notices without realizing. A white-grey coat that looks similar to his black one, over a dark grey hoodie.

Fuck… she looks so pretty. Even from an angle that doesn't show much.

And she truly is a literature lover: she has a highlights section for the books she reads. And one for art: drawings, paintings, etc.

She's following only 30 people: a handful of actors, singers, the ATP official page, a few Turkish and English quotes pages, some artists, and in rest probably family and friends.

Truth be told, Ada Tözün is more than just physically attractive. She's an intellectual, too. Just like him.

He checked her grades a few minutes ago, on the university platform. High grades back home and here and she's on a scholarship. She's serious, and her professors seem to like her. She might need some English pronunciation improvement, but that comes in time.

In other circumstances… a few years ago, Bora would have totally tried to flirt with her. Especially because she is only four years younger than him according to her file.

But not now. Not at all. His goal is far from playing around. He needs to focus on his duties, on his passions... Attraction comes and goes.

Bora sighs, realizing it's already almost two in the morning.

Kendine gel, Bora. Kendine gel!

And by mistake, he taps the bookmark option under Ada's photo before he can close the application.

Fuck. I need to delete this tomorrow.

Tomorrow….

*

One name... One simple name draws Bora's attention as he's looking through his emails.

Ada Tözün

He's back in his office earlier than he planned because the students he had in the first seminar finished their test fast. And now he has almost thirty minutes left until his next course that he decided to spend grading and answering his university emails. He doesn't usually check his Inbox until his lunch break - because he uses a different phone for this. And he always leaves it behind when he's teaching. But since he has enough time now, he decided to be productive. It also helps him to take his mind off stuff he shouldn't be thinking about. Stuff that constantly stresses him out.

He opens the email immediately.

Email Subject Line: Please, open - Ada Tözün

Bora bey,

First of all, thank you for not deleting this.

Second of all, I decided to send you this (even though I know there is a high possibility for you to refuse to let me attend your creative writing course) because I didn't want to give up without trying one more time. With something real that represents me in a way.

As you know, my writer's block affects my skills very much, but I still tried. I am certain that under your guidance I can find my style again and more than that: perfectionate it.

I just need a chance... I am very hard working and I don't start things I don't finish.

I attached the article and an Excel with my university grades from Turkey and here (tests, projects, midterms) organized by subject and date.

Regards,

Ada Tözün

She just won't give up. She's not just desperate to do something about her writer's block, she's determined to make him change his mind, too.

And if she succeeds in doing this… to somehow surprise him with her article, Bora might be in more trouble than he anticipates.

But he can't say no without reading. His values mean everything to him.

So he feels compelled to open the document.

FIND YOURSELF BEFORE FINDING SOMEONE TO LOVE

by Ada Tözün

Sometimes, the most painful breakups can make you realize that what you're actually looking for isn't that type of relationship. 

You're trying to find yourself subconsciously because you don't know who you are when you're not with someone: family, friends, romantic partners. And you often end up sacrificing your own happiness and values for the people you (think you) love, trying to satisfy their needs and neglecting yours. Letting them destroy your dreams directly or indirectly.

You might even believe you know what you want and that you found what you've been looking for because you're too scared to actually stop and analyze yourself: your thoughts, actions, desires, and feelings…

Question yourself: Who am I? What do I want? What am I looking for? Is it worth it?

The best way to feel secure and in control in a relationship is to know yourself and your worth, to set limits, and not let anyone overstep them.

Spend time alone and learn things about yourself!

The good and bad past experiences shape you more or less, but don't let them define you. Don't let the decisions you once made - that you now consider mistakes- steal your peace. A failed relationship should be a source of learning.

Ask yourself: Was there respect? Were you your own person? Did you play a role? Did you fake your happiness? Did you have real feelings or did you make up your own version of reality?

Don't sacrifice yourself for someone else.

Don't define yourself by the place you have in somebody else's life.

Just stop and think about what you believe in, what you love, and how valuable you are.

Bora read the small article twice without even breathing, pleasantly surprised by the subject she chose and how personal it sounded before leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed.

The first time he saw her, he thought he got her figured out, but he was wrong. So wrong.

Is this article perfect? Far, far from it. It's impossible not to notice the lack of experience, the clumsy style, but she said she has a writer's block, right?

If she writes like this now, how does she write normally? How can she write with my help?

The raw feelings, the passion, the hunger to share valuable lessons and communicate with people are visible. Bora almost feels jealous of this easiness, and guilty, at the same time, for being so impolite... rude to her the previous day.

Ada Tözün is certainly not a fangirl, and not just a pretty face, either. She's so much more than that. Much more than he could ever imagine…

So how can he possibly refuse to acknowledge such great potential?

Chapter Text

He has zero books in Turkish here. Zero. But she shouldn’t be surprised because this is not his real office. He’s a temporary professor.

Wow, there are some really nice versions of the classics. And before she can stop herself, she's trying to take one of the books from the shelf with her left hand.

"Miss Tözün, I see you’re a very curious person. Didn’t your parents teach you that you shouldn’t touch strangers’ stuff?"

Surprised, Ada moves away from the bookcase when she hears his voice. He's judging her. Talking about her parents. Basically calling her uneducated.

They’re dead, öküz! Fucking dead. She wants to scream, but she bites one of her cheeks instead.

She shouldn't be mad, though. He has no idea.

Yes, it was a rude kind of joke... he's rude, but she's convinced he wouldn't have said that if he had known. He is not that cruel.

Something hits her in the stomach as she turns around and looks at Bora Doğrusöz's face. Handsome face.

She expected him to be smiling at his own semi-joke, but he's extra serious. And a bit tired? His eyes look pretty dead.

I guess someone didn't sleep too well last night. Karma.

"Is that supposed to be an insult? I've been waiting for you for over fifteen minutes. I got… bored," Ada answers as monotonously as she can, trying not to give him satisfaction.

"Fifteen?" 

Fuck , he curses in his mind while checking his watch. If he had known this seminar would take so much time, he would have told her to come by later. He hates being late, and he hates making people wait for him. It's unprofessional and gives the impression you don't give a damn about wasting others' time.

"Yes. I promise I didn't touch anything else. I just wanted-"

"I'm sorry," he interrupts her suddenly, putting his laptop on the desk. "I'm sorry for making you wait."

Ada's eyebrows raise in surprise as stares at his mouth. He apologized.

She wasn't expecting this… and his voice getting even lower as he said "sorry". Wow!

"It's okay," she sighs. Her focus switches unwittingly from his lips to his slicked-back hair. It looks a little better today, but that doesn't say much.

Does he use a lot of gel all the time?

She shakes her head trying to stop her thoughts. He is just a man.

Bora smiles politely and invites her to sit down with a short nod towards the chair she has her bag on, without even looking at her.

Ada shouldn't feel offended in any way by the lack of attention he's giving to her. She should feel relieved.

He's a cold, prim guy. He assumed things about her without even knowing her. He refused to speak Turkish and listen to her. Yet he still emailed her about the possibility of giving her a chance. And she knows she can learn a lot of things from him.

Ada returns to the chair in front of his desk with her eyes on the red sweater he's wearing over his simple white shirt. She wouldn't have imagined him being a fan of colors, but… 

"Miss Tözün, I read your article this morning."

"I realized based on the email you sent me."

Bora leans back in his chair watching Miss Güneș sitting down right in front of him. He has to cover his mouth with his right hand to hide his smirk from her. She's sarcastic. She's making fun of me even though she wants to be in my course. And she's so fucking hot in that black blouse.

"Did you now?" He returns her ironic comment.

"You asked me to meet you here after I sent it to you. So I assumed it made you change your mind."

The moment Bora drops the hand from his mouth to open his laptop, Ada's eyes return to his lips without realizing. His bottom one is so big… Then to his 5 o'clock shadow. It makes his jawline seem even sharper. More defined. Attractive.

Kendine gel, Ada! He. Is. Not. Even. Your. Type.

"You're right…"

"So you liked it then?"

Bora looks up from his laptop when she hears her proud tone, wanting to see her reaction as he drops the bomb.

He's unaware of the fact that her gaze was on him all this time.

"Miss Tözün, I agree to give you a chance." And even though Ada was expecting this, she still has to stop herself from yelling out of joy.

She did it. Her article was good enough to make Bora Doğrusöz change his decision. Despite her dreadful writer's block.

OHA! O-H-A, KIZIM!

Ada's big smile almost makes Bora grin, too because it's so genuine… so sweet.

"I am so glad and grateful, professor."

P r o f e s s o r. Her serious tone makes him wonder how that word would sound in another context.

Nope. Not happening. He needs to get to sleep earlier tonight because yesterday's events affected him too much.

He didn't let his body desires cloud his judgment and control his decisions before. And he won't let them start now. Ada Tözün has great potential, and he'll help her develop her skills.

That's it.

"But I have a condition."

"I'm listening." She says calmly, and he realizes she's really not angry as he thought she'd be. Ada's hands are on the arms of the chair, tapping nervously on the material with her fingers. She really wants to do this, he thought. She wants to write better.

"The course starts two weeks before the winter break ends. You can attend it, but you need to pass all of your exams with high grades to continue."

Ada nods quickly, relieved.

She should ask about the price, though. And the schedule. She has so much on her plate already, but she doesn’t want to make her material situation obvious… He might be an irritating guy, but she wants to impress him. She wasn’t good enough for his company, but she will become more than enough. She doesn’t want his pity. She’s gonna work full-time for the next month anyway. She’ll manage to pay for it.

You can do this!

"Of course, as you might have probably read in the Excel I sent to you, I’m on a scholarship, so I’m keeping my grades as high as I can. Studying is my priority."

Bora’s eyes twitch as soon as she finishes her phrase.

Yes, sure… the Excel, he thinks. I wasn’t a total stalker last night - checking your grades, your Instagram. Fuck, I need some rest. And to delete that bookmark.

These thoughts are gonna stop the moment he sees her in the class.

Having an affair with a student? Dating her? He would never cross this limit. And he believes she wouldn’t, either. Ada Tözün doesn’t seem to like him at all personally speaking, but she values him professionally.

He needs to regain his composure.

"Good. As soon as I get the contracts ready, I’m gonna email you the meeting details."

"Thank you," Ada answers and sits up. She knows he’s probably busy since he basically dismissed her, but she can’t stop herself from asking: "What did you think about my article?"

She takes her jacket and the bag from the back of the seat to make it seem like it’s not a big deal even though they both know it is.

She might have gotten the chance, but she’s well aware she needs improvement.

"I was surprised a bit by the subject and the way you decided to approach it. But…"

And real feedback helps. If Ada is even just ten percent like him, she’s gonna reread the article at least ten times, analyzing every word, trying to find mistakes. Writers can get easily obsessed with their own work. The need to make everything perfect, to have an impact, and to impress never goes away once it takes over you.

"But?" Ada was looking directly into his eyes, waiting eagerly for him to continue.

She’s gonna get her heartbroken. Ah, Ada, ah!

"You don’t have a bad style, but the article felt unfinished…a little amateurish."

Amateurish?

"Thank you for your honesty."

"Have a great winter break, Miss Tözün." 

Gıcık!

"Goodbye." She reaches the door practically running, half-dressed in her jacket, with Bora’s eyes fixed on her ass.

*

She hasn't heard from professor Bora in more than one week. She's been working full-time since the winter break started, sometimes even ten hours. So when she finally has a moment to check her phone and notices she has an email from him, she almost jumps.

Email Subject Line: Creative Writing Course - Bora Doğrusöz

Miss Tözün,

As I promised at our last meeting, I’m sending you this email to give you the address of the office you can come at to sign the contract and, of course, the time interval. You can find me here from 9:00 to 17:30 today.

Please, let me know when you can drop by.

Regards,

Bora Doğrusöz

She checks the time and it's already 15:47! And she has two more hours until her shift ends. There's no way she can make it anyway. She checks the address on Google Maps and it's at least one hour from here with a car. A car she doesn't have…

Ouf ya!

Bora's been waiting for Miss Tözün's response since he sent the email this morning. Everyone has signed their contracts except for her, which surprised him. She was so eager to make him change his mind.

Was it just a challenge for her?

Or maybe she's back in Turkey. The winter break is long...

The notification sound makes Bora check his phone immediately.

Professor Doğrusöz,

I am really sorry for answering so late, I haven't had the chance to check my phone until now. I can't make it until 17:30 today because my shift ends at 18:00. Can we reschedule, please?

Ada Tözün

Shift? She has a job?

Before he can change his mind, he starts writing a reply that he knows might change many things.

*

He can be here anytime. In other circumstances, Ada wouldn't have ever given him the address. Her chances to impress him are getting lower, but it's her fault more or less for not checking her Inbox before coming to work.

"Are you okay?" Stefan's voice startles her and she almost drops the order on the floor. She catches it in time, though, and gives it to Tom.

"Forty minutes."

"Thank you," she smiles at the chef. He's been so nice to her since he got this job. He expected him to be arrogant or, at least, to ignore her, but he always jokes around. She turns around to look at Stefan.

"Yes, don't worry." She opens the fridge to take the woman's drink before putting it on the tray.

Stefan was eighteen and working here to help his family out. A sweet kid. Hard-working. Smart.

"Are you sure?" Ada melts when she notices his concerned eyes.

She wishes she could help him somehow.

Why do some people have to carry so much burden on their shoulders?

"Yes. I'm just waiting for a professor to come. I have to sign something."

She gently pats his head, which is a hard thing to do since he is much taller than her, and goes to the fifth table.

"The food will be ready in forty minutes. Here's your drink."

"Forty minutes? Are you insane?"

Sighing, Ada remains incredibly polite as she tries to explain how and why her order actually needs time to cook. She's so focused that she doesn't even notice Bora Doğrusöz coming in. But Bora, on the other hand, notices her immediately.

She's wearing a black uniform with a red apron over it, leaning down towards an old woman, with a tray in one of her hands.

She's not as spoiled as you assumed , he thinks and takes a few steps in her direction, but another waiter approaches him right when he's about to call her name.

"Hello, sir, table for one?"

Bora takes his eyes off Ada and nods, giving him a polite smile. "I'm waiting for Ada Tözün. But I see she's a little busy. Where can I sit?"

And the young boy leads him to a table in the right corner, not too far from Miss Güneș, and leaves probably to bring him a menu.

He can grab something to eat and watch her work for a bit. It's quite interesting, truth be told. He's curious to see her outside the academic environment. Around people.

Bora puts his briefcase gently on the chair beside him and takes off his coat.

He's surprised she works in the first place. The amount of projects, homework, and essays she needs to get done per week is insane. He feels lucky.

How does she manage to keep up with everything if she works, too? Is this just a temporary job?

"Would you like something to drink?"

Bora didn't even realize the menu was in front of him, and the waiter was waiting for him to decide. He tends to zone out from time to time, and he needs to find a way to stop it.

"Sparkling water, no glass. Thank you," he looks at his tag before continuing. "Stefan."

"Stefan."

Ada's voice makes Bora freeze as she's suddenly in front of him, smiling at her colleague. With no tray in her hands

She's wearing a necklace… The first two buttons of her black polo T-shirt are undone, so he spots a white pendant easily. 

"I'll come back with your drink." The boy nods politely towards him, then goes, probably, to the kitchen. Leaving them alone.

He's alone with Ada Tözün . Well, how alone can you be in a restaurant in London...

"Hello, professor." Ada turns her head towards him a little more and her ponytail follows her movement. "I'm sorry you had to come over here."

He can't detect any fake remorse or pronunciation mistakes when she speaks this time. Compared to the first time they talked in his office. A typical American English accent… it shouldn't be impressive. But somehow it is. Maybe he is just surprised by the fact she works and she's a great student. Ambitious and attractive.

A dangerous young woman at only twenty-two.

"Hello, Miss Tözün. I saw you were busy, it's not your fault. And I should have informed you earlier anyway."

Ada is fidgeting with her name tag, trying not to stare at him.

Seeing professor Bora at her workplace, chilling seems so strange. Because she doesn't feel as uncomfortable as she anticipated. Because this gives her an opportunity to see him in a different context, maybe even learn something about him. A writer like Bora Doğrusöz always finds inspiration everywhere. But she shouldn't take away his time. Disappointed, she sighs.

"Thank you for coming. I can sign right away, so you don't have to wait for me. I know you're busy."

And Bora smiles. Wow, he smiles! Making her smile, too. A melting smile. A genuine smile. The first time she saw him smile since they met.

And the short beard emphasizes his charm even more. Or maybe it's the black turtleneck.

But she’s serious. She knows he's not the type of man who affords losing time.

Why is he smiling, though?

"Here's your drink, sir. Should I bring you something to eat?"

Stefan's arrival makes her move to Bora's right side, so he can have space to put the drink on the table. And to create some healthy distance.

“No, thank you very much." He says despite the fact he hasn’t eaten since lunch. He just doesn’t want to make Miss Güneş uncomfortable.

Ada doesn't even realize how close they actually are until she hears his voice. Cold, serious… but polite. Almost in her ear.

Too close, she thinks, so she moves back to her old spot, in front of him.

"I can handle everything until you finish, don't worry," Stefan announces proudly, and she hears Bora clearing his throat.

This kid has a crush on her, that's the first thing that comes to Bora’s mind as he watches them interact. It's… cute. He almost feels bad for Stefan.

A l m o s t.

"Thank you so much, Stef. Let me know when the fifth table's order is done. She's a difficult one."

Stef… it sounds so juvenile. Bora has to fake a cough to hide his laugh as he sees Stef getting red. She's basically brother-zoning you, buddy, he thinks amused. Kıyamam…

The guy leaves without looking back, and Bora can notice so easily how happy he is just because of a simple nickname. So he’s not the only one affected by this woman. The Ada Tözün effect.

"So… where do I sign?" When Bora turns his attention back on her, Ada is already sitting in front of him, with her hands on the table. Without even realizing it, his eyes fall on her ring fingers, searching for a certain type of jewelry. But he finds nothing: no wedding or engagement ring. Just faded ink… or is it paint?

It’s none of your business, Bora. And she doesn’t even have to wear one to be married. He knows plenty of people: women and men that don’t leave their homes with their rings on for different reasons. Moral and immoral. Some employers, like him, tend not to hire married candidates, for example. And even if it’s not Ada’s case, she could still have a boyfriend. Yet she doesn’t post photos with him on Instagram?

Bora shakes his head. Why do you care, anyway? Maybe because her schedule can be affected by a potential partner. Yeah… her schedule.

"I thought you’d be the type of person who reads the contract from cover to cover. I’m quite disappointed." Another smile. Actually a smirk.

He isn’t trying to offend me, she realizes as she’s looking directly into his eyes. He’s trying to challenge me. He wants to see how I will react… and it’s working.

"I am the type of person who reads contracts from cover to cover, but I didn’t want to take up your time, sir."

Her sarcasm doesn’t go unnoticed as Bora takes out the contract from his briefcase, trying to stop himself from smiling wider.

He doesn’t put the paper on the table, as Ada expected. He’s holding it in his hands, waiting for her to take it from him. And when she’s raising her right hand to do it, Bora makes sure that their fingers don’t touch even by mistake.

"Are you sure you have enough time for it?"

"I’m here, aren’t I?"

*

Fifteen minutes pass as Bora watches Ada read carefully every sentence. She smiled, frowned, and sighed from time to time, but never took her eyes off the contract. It includes the conditions -her special one, too-, the price, schedule, payment methods, and bibliography.

"Done?" He asks when she finally places the document on the table.

"Done. I’m gonna grab a pe-"

But before she can finish her sentence and stand, he already takes a pen from his briefcase and places it on top of the contract.

"That’s a nice pen." It’s all she says as she picks it up and starts to sign in the right spots.

She doesn’t have bad handwriting, Bora remarks. It's just a little messy because the letters aren’t even.

"Your fifth table's order is ready. I will take it to her."

Stefan or Stef is suddenly behind Miss Tözün, extending one of his arms over her head so he could take the empty bottle from the table.

Bora must admit he’s almost smooth: killing two birds with one stone: doing his job and being close to his crush.

"No need. Thank you, Stefan," she nods and gives Bora a look as she’s standing up. "I’ll be back in a few minutes, can you wait for a little ?"

He turns his head to the difficult lady she's been talking to earlier and he almost wants to ask Ada if she needs any help.

"Sure."

The kid and Ada go to, most probably, the kitchen together as he takes the pen and the contract to place them back in the briefcase. Truth be told, he didn’t want to leave so fast. His gut is telling him to stay a little longer. But he has a Zoom meeting with his agent in two hours.

Bora watches Ada bringing the order to the sour woman with a forced-polite smile on her face as he puts on his black coat, then her returning to the kitchen.

When is that kid coming with the bill?

Impatiently, he takes his briefcase, looking for the boy, but he’s still in the kitchen. He spends a few minutes looking around. The restaurant is nice and cozy, not too expensive, not too cheap, making him wonder what Ada's salary is and how many tips she gets. She’s a beautiful girl… and polite. Probably many, he thinks.

"Thank you for waiting. Are you gonna email me a copy of my contract?" Ada is next to him again, with her hands behind her back.

"Of course, tonight. I have a meeting soon, so I need to go. Can your colleague bring me the bill?" He doesn’t want to sound too cold or hasty, so he controls his voice as much as he can

"It's on me." Ada simply says and nods to the door.

No, I can’t let you do that, he shakes his head vehemently. If there is something Bora never experienced before, it’s someone paying for him. Except for his parents. And he won’t let a student do that. 

"I cannot accept-"

He knows she’s not trying to impress him by doing this because she’s obviously not an admirer. She’s anything but an admirer. But it’s still strange. It’s his responsibility: 4 pounds or 40.

"It's on me, Professor Doğrusöz. Also this," she smiles and shows him what she’s been hiding behind her back all this time. A food bag. "And don’t insist or I’ll feel offended. Do you think I can’t afford to pay for a meal?"

Is. That. For. Him?

"Miss Tözün…" He’s too overwhelmed to be able to say anything else but her name.

Her determined face communicates to him loud and clear he won’t win this battle. So he takes the warm food bag in his left hand.

He’s never met such a stubborn person before. He always thought he is headstrong, but Miss Tözün so, so much worse.

How is that even possible?

"As a thank you for giving me a chance and coming all the way here even though you're busy."

He is busy, but did he lie in the email, saying it's an emergency? Yes… yes, he did.

"But-" She’s already opening the door for him. He wants to tell her she doesn’t need to repay him for basically doing nothing. She is the one who came to him. She is the one who insisted. She is the one who wrote that article.

She needs to give herself more credit.

"Goodbye, professor. Drive safely and afiyet olsun!"

G o o d b y e.

Goodbye sounds a little bit too harsh now. He can’t say it back… Not when she’s feeding him tonight. Not when she’s such a kind person. Not when he was wrong about her.

"See you soon, Miss Tözün." Miss Güneș, he wants to say but holds his tongue.

Chapter Text

That’s her back, he realizes instantly as he enters the office building. Which is almost insane based on the fact that she has a different jacket on and her hair is not showing at all. Yet he just knows it’s Ada standing in front of him.

He can recognize her… back. Also her height.

And when she turns her face a bit, he gets the confirmation he is right. Miss Güneş is in front of him, talking to the receptionist and playing with the wet umbrella she's holding in her left hand.

God! I need help. How can a normal person recognize someone they saw less than five times so fast? It's ridiculous…

He sighs and takes a few steps forward, stopping so close to her he could smell her perfume. 

She's almost thirty minutes early. Maybe even more.

"Miss Tözün, good evening."

Ada flinches, surprised by the voice she suddenly hears in her ear, and almost drops her umbrella.

The receptionist smiles politely at Bora. "Good evening, Mr. Doğrusöz."

"Good evening, Nora. All good?"

He's been renting the office for a year and Nora was always kind to him.

"Yes, sir. I was about to call you. I didn't know if I should unlock the office door for Miss Tözün or wait for you."

"I'll give you the names list today so you can let anyone who arrives before me inside next time. I didn't know someone would come earlier. I'd have told you otherwise."

The building has strict rules about the people who can come in, and Bora knows it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to create any problems." Ada turns towards him, and he has to take a few steps back in order for them not to touch each other.

She looks so adorable with that grey beanie.

But her eyes catch Bora's attention. He feels the urge to touch her shoulder when he sees her semi-panicked expression to show her it's not a big deal at all. That he doesn't mind.

"Miss Tözün, what problems?" He fake laughs to make her see how stupid her supposition is. Does she think so low of me? That I would be upset about this... "I am actually shocked you came so early." Did you miss me? He wants to ask jokingly just to see her frowning and listen to her talk back to him. But he bites his tongue.

An innocent joke. But he is not known for his humor or talent to make people feel better. It would sound inappropriate.

He looks down instinctively and notices a huge black bag on the floor.

Did she come directly from the airport? He shakes his head. Sana ne, Bora? Sana ne?

"Oh, okay. There was less traffic than I anticipated. My GPS… neyse ."

Neyse. Ada speaking Turkish gives him comfort somehow. Makes him miss his home even more. Makes him want to speak Turkish with her.

But he can't... He can't do it. It would become too personal. He would want to spend more time with her.

"Don't worry about it," he stops talking for a few seconds, trying to focus on anything but his crazy thoughts, and without taking his eyes off Ada's face, he says: "Have a good evening, Nora."

Why is this so hot? Ada feels her cheeks getting warm. He is really an intimidating person with his stupid face and deep voice. And his semi-wet curly hair. And his black coat.

"Good luck," she hears Nora says, but her focus is on professor Bora as he comes closer to her. So close that she feels the need to take a few steps back instantly. She can smell his shampoo.

It's too much, she thinks when he leans down and their upper bodies brush for a few seconds. Until he finally gets what he wants and moves away.

And what he wanted was her bag.

He's carrying my bag...

"Let's go, Miss Tözün."

Confused, Ada watches him walk away for a few seconds while holding her luggage and his laptop backpack before almost running to reach him.

"Professor," she whispers as they stop in front of the elevator. He looks calm and so put together while she barely can catch her breath. She had to walk, take the subway, train, and the bus to come here. And her umbrella didn’t help much because the wind almost broke her umbrella. She is lucky her clothes are not so wet.

Güneş, kızım, I miss you more and more every day.

"Yes?"

She signs, trying to take her bag off his hand, but that only makes him tighten his hold on the handles.

"Professor, let me take my bag. I can carry it."

Her fingers linger on his skin for a few more seconds before the elevator doors finally open and she steps inside.

"I know you can, Miss Tözün, but you don't always have to," He says without hesitation. He looks directly into her green, green eyes.

He’s not made of ice, after all, Thank God!

He might be polite, but she doesn't want or need him to help her out.

"But I don't need-"

And for the first time, Bora is the one who interrupts her:

"No buts. Let me carry your bag, it's not a big deal. Just press the 3rd-floor button, please."

*

The office is not just big, it's also well positioned. Even though it's pretty dark outside, somehow it works very well. The lights are warm and the black desks have enough spaces between them so Ada could feel comfortable.

"Where do you want to sit?" He asks gently while putting his laptop backpack on his desk. 

There were four rows with four benches each.

Ada never minded sitting in the front. Because she actually knows professors pay more attention to the ones in the back anyway.

She shrugs, tapping her fingers on the nearest desk, then drops her wet umbrella on the surface. "Here. Thank you again."

And before Bora can bring her the bag, she is already on her way to take it.

He sighs. She is so stubborn. But he can't deny that this extreme ambition she has makes her even more attractive to him. Because he knows she wouldn't agree with him or back down from a debate. And a writer must have this inner power. No matter who is standing in front of you, if you believe you're right, fight for your opinion: give valid arguments and don't let others crush your spirit.

"How was your day?" His question surprises her a bit as she returns to her desk.

She expected him to stay silent until the others came. He never really wanted to engage with her in a conversation before…

"Full, but I'm used to it. How was yours, professor?"

Full is not a good enough answer for him. He wants more. Did customers bother her? Did that kid try to hit on her? Did she have time to eat? But he doesn't ask anything.

"Full, but I'm used to it."

The cheeky, playful comeback makes Ada smile as she puts her bag on her chair and finally takes off her beanie and jacket.

Her floppy hair is so cute that he has to cover his mouth with his hand to hide his smile. And it's not even the first time he does it.

And her sweater makes everything even worse. It's yellow. So fucking yellow. Bright yellow. Like the sun. Like her car. Like her.

"Güneş yerinde, her şey yolunda;)"

Bora closes his eyes for a few seconds. He needs to come to his senses. He saw her less than five times his entire life. What's wrong with him?

"Uhm, I'm going to the bathroom," Ada suddenly says, and Bora drops his hand so his lips could be visible.

"Okay. Hopefully, when you'll return, more people will come."

They didn't. Four minutes later, they are still the only ones in the classroom. 

But this time, Ada's wavy hair looks tame, and Bora took off his coat, exposing his brown turtleneck sweater that molds perfectly on his chest and stomach. Too perfectly. His chest… yuh!

"Fifteen minutes until the course starts," Ada smiles as she checks her phone. "They might be late, though… it's the second Christmas day for them. Don't be too hard on them."

"I can't promise anything," Bora teases her, unable to stop himself. She makes him let his guard down so easily sometimes.

It's a curse...

A curse he can't escape because every time he looks at her subtly, she turns her head to him. And even though Bora is not the type who gets shy, he feels like a fucking teenager… like that kid from the restaurant every time she glances back at him.

It will pass , Bora tries to assure himself. It will pass.

As the class slowly fills up with people, he finds his self-control again and stops the staring contest. It's time for professional professor Doğrusöz to come back and shine.

And he shined. Ada and the rest of the students took notes, asked questions, and seemed really excited when he presented the plan per session. Then he listened to them talking about themselves. Nothing much… just the usual: name, age and job information, plus the goal they want to achieve by attending this course.

But at some point, he got instinctively so close to the front row that he could touch Ada's hair if he extended his arm. Or shake the guy sitting next to her's shoulder to make him stop staring at her.

But he did none of that and backed off, sitting on the chair even though he hates talking like that for another half an hour.

As soon as they finished, a young girl came up with the idea to go out somewhere where they can get to know each other. Which attracted Bora's attention. And as he pretended he's arranging his stuff, he was listening to their discussion. To Ada's answer.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come, I had a really long day at work and it takes me around one hour to get home…"

"But it's Christmas! You worked on Christmas?" Bora looks up to see the guy who sat next to her earlier.

"Well, I work at a restaurant and I don't celebrate Christmas." 

"You don't?"

"No, I'm Muslim." Bora has to bite his cheek not to laugh when he sees the guy's shocked face.

Ah, buddy. You lost before you even started.

"I hope you'll come with us next time. And yellow looks great on you, by the way." Another girl says with a smile, and Bora feels the need to curse.

That fucking yellow sweater will haunt my dreams.

*

Ne yapıyorsun, Bora? Ne yapıyorsun? Delirdin mi sen? What are you doing? Did you go crazy?

He's actually here again. At the entrance of the restaurant. On New Year's Eve.

But maybe she's not even working. Maybe she's home. Maybe she's celebrating with her friends. Maybe… she has someone special to celebrate the night with. Fuck!

"Kuzen, bahsettiğin restoran bu mu?" Ali's voice snaps him out of it all of the sudden. Cousin, is this the restaurant you were talking about?

He was so stupid… What was I thinking? Telling Ali he knows the perfect place for tonight, making a reservation, choosing this outfit, and driving for more than one hour.

What if she’s here? She’s gonna see him and his cousin. What if Ali realizes something is off?

He sighs: "Evet, buranın yemekleri de servisi de çok iyi." Yes, the food and service here are very good.

The food Miss Güneş gave to him as a thank you. Without waiting for something in return.

"Harika, çok acıktım. O zaman girelim." Great, I'm so hungry. Then let's go inside.

He needs to stop overthinking. Even if she’s working tonight, he’s not committing any crime. And he’s not lying: the food was great. And Ali will enjoy it, too, for sure.

The smell of meat hits them as soon as they enter. The place is packed and decorated with different lights and balloons, and Bora notices the tables are arranged a bit differently so there is more space for the people who want to dance.

"Good evening. Do you have a reservation?"

Bora turns his attention to the waiter that came to help them.

Yine sen?

"Of course I do,” he looks at the name tag as if he doesn’t remember. Because he doesn’t want Ali to notice this. " Stefan. Two people. Under Doğrusöz - Bora Doğrusöz. It’s spelled D o-"

"Got it, sir."

He didn’t intend to be arrogant. He’s not the type of person who gets rude with waiters and he usually leaves great tips, but he knows his name is a difficult one.

Bora smiles at the kid politely as he leads them to the table in the corner.

"This side is my colleague's, she’ll be here to take your drinks order in a second. The appetizer will be served in thirty minutes. Do you want to see the menu again? You can scan-"

"No, thank you," Ali responds while he sits down because Bora is too busy staring at the colleague Stefan talked about.

She is here.

Holly- and she's not wearing her black uniform. No, she is wearing a dress. A fucking white corset dress with puff princess sleeves that ends above her knees. That shows off her legs. And her back. And messes with his sanity.

Her heart-shaped neckline… I won’t survive. I won’t survive tonight! What was I thinking?

"Professor?"

Fucking hell! Bora feels like he’s drowning because he is so close to losing the control he thought he had.

P r o f e s s o r… He has no doubt it would become his favorite word if she moaned it. Wearing this dress. Or nothing.

No! He has to stop. He has to stop. He has to stop. He can’t disrespect Miss Tözün like that. He can’t…

And he manages to look away in time before getting caught and sits down.

"Kuzen, restoranın harika bir manzarası var derken haklıymışsın." He hears Ali whisper beside him, making him fight the need to punch him for this joke. Cousin, you were right when you said the restaurant has a great view.

Cruel joke. Cruel Miss Güneş. Cruel world. For fucking with his mind.

"Ali!" He warns his cousin while sitting down, then turns his attention back to Ada. To her beautiful face. Beautiful hair. That loose ponytail emphasizes her delicate neck and…

"Professor?" Ada asks again, getting closer to the table.

She can’t believe her eyes. Bora Doğrusöz is here again. On New Year’s Eve.

What were the chances?

"Miss Tözün, good evening." His voice is so low. And hoarse. It still surprises her even though she should be used to it by now.

"Tözün?" The question makes Ada look at the man beside Bora. Black hair, black beard. Kind face.

"Yes. Ada Tözün," she answers, wondering if she saw him at university. If he were a professor whose course she attended, she would remember for sure.

"Ali Doğrusöz, memnun oldum." He extends his hand over the table waiting for her to shake it.

Turkish… Doğrusöz as in Bora Doğrusöz.

But she is wrong. As soon as she puts her hand in his, he raises it up and places a kiss on it gently.

"A-are you his brother?" She asks, taken aback by his gesture. No one ever kissed her hand before.

"No, he is my cousin," Bora interrupts them coldly. Ali takes the hint instantly, letting go of Ada's hand.

"What can I get you to drink? Should I bring you the menu to-"

"No need. A Pepsi for him," he looks at his cousin. "And sparkling water for me."

Ada nods twice and really looks at Bora for the first time tonight. He's wearing a breton and a pullover with a half-open zipper. Fuck. She can see just a bit of his chest.

Yuh! She shakes her head while walking away. Stop thinking about him like this, kızım! Focus on your job.

When she gets lost in the crowd that's dancing slowly, Ali decides to break the silence:

"Siz…"

But Bora doesn't let him finish his sentence, knowing exactly what he's gonna insinuate.

"Ada benim öğrencim. Bana profesör diye seslendi, fark etmedin mi? Biz diye bir şey yok. Asla olamaz..." Ada is my student. She called me professor, didn't you notice? There is no such thing as us. It can never be...

A s l a  o l a m a z. But Bora doesn't know who he's trying to convince more: his cousin or himself.

And that intrigues Ali even more. Bora hates being interrupted or interrupting people.

Is this a touchy subject?

"Neden İngilizce-"

"Here are your drinks." Ada's presence makes him stop mid-sentence; another plan forming in his mind. He can tease his cousin tonight. And he will.

"So, Ada… how is being Bora's student?" Ada notices how Bora Doğrusöz tries not to close his eyes while hearing Ali's more or less broken English. She just knows he's such a perfectionist that he would comment about his own cousin's mistakes.

"I am not really his student. I mean, not at university. I attend his creative writing course," she smiles politely while placing the bottle of sparkling water in front of Bora and a glass in case he wants to use one.

"Why don't you speak Turkish, Ada? Were you born here?"

She takes the Pepsi bottle before placing the tray on the table. Then, all of the sudden, she leans down in front of Ali, surprising both men.

If he looks, I'll punch him , Bora thinks while watching them carefully, burning his cousin's forehead with his glance. In front of all of these people.

"Çünkü kuzenin benimle Türkçe konuşmak istemiyor." Because your cousin doesn't want to speak Turkish with me.

But he doesn't. Ali looks in her eyes the whole time until she returns to the spot she was standing on.

Good. The Bora Doğrusöz effect is bigger than Ada Tözün's effect on his cousin.

"Well, it wouldn't be professional, I should-" he starts to explain, but Ali interrupts him:

"Benim kuzenim gariptir biraz maalesef. Hep böyle saçma sapan şeylere takılıyor…" My cousin is a bit strange unfortunately. He always gets fixed on such nonsense…

What. Is. He. Doing?

"Ali!"

"Kuzen, kız senin öğrencin bile değil. Gerçekten neden böyle bir şey yaptın ki?" He asks in a funny-dramatic tone, with his head turned to Bora. Cousin, she's not even your student. Really, why would you do this? "Gören de prens Charles zanneder..." As if he's prince Charles.

The comment makes Ada laugh. She laughs.

She l a u g h s because Ali made a stupid joke. İnanamıyorum…  

"Ali, I won't say this again! Stay out of it." Bora's warning is clear.

And Ada can't understand how he can be so serious around his cousin, who is so goofy and fun.

Professor Bora Doğrusöz doesn't take breaks even on New Year's Eve I guess , she sighs. Prens Charles, indeed.

"Tamam, professor , tamam." Ali raises his hands in an I surrender way, making Ada smile. "But I warn you, my English is far from good."

"I think your English is perfect," Ada says immediately. "Gerçekten kusursuz." Really flawless.

She knows how hard speaking a foreign language around other people is sometimes. Especially people like his cousin: perfectionists, grumpy, and hard to please.

"No, it isn't. Your accent sucks," Bora remarks calmingly as if he talked about the weather.

He acts like a kid. He knows it, but he can't control it.

He feels the need to roll his eyes every time he watches Ali winking at her, making her smile with his lame jokes. It bothers him a little… the way they speak Turkish and can be so relaxed around each other after meeting like three hours ago? It makes their interactions more… intimate.

Close to midnight, Ada came to check on them again.

"Can I take this?" Ada is so close. Too close.

"Y-yes."

I. Want. To. Bury. My. Head. Here. It's all he can think about as he watches her leaning down to get his plate.

Fucking hell. He could die a happy man with his face buried in her chest.

They must be so soft… he could kiss her breasts while using his fingers to bring her pleasure. Multiple times.

If she wanted him as much as he does, would he be able to keep his hands to himself at university? What if he called her to his office?

He can imagine the press, the scandal, the articles.

Bora Doğrusöz went insane. The writer was filmed hooking up with his student in the university library.

Şok, şok, şok! The Turkish writer, Bora Doğrusöz, seduced his student. Exclusive images down below…

NEWS! The author of Double Vision - Bora Doğrusöz and his student, Ada Tözün, got caught having sex in his office.

"Excuse me-" He suddenly stands up, walking away to the bathroom before he can actually try to do something he shouldn't.

The bathroom is empty when he enters. And without wasting more time, he goes directly to the nearest sink and turns on the cold water tap.

He doesn't even take off his breton as he starts washing his face. Again. And again. And again. Like the water could cool down the burning sensation that runs inside his entire body. Under his skin and bones...

"Kendine gel, Bora. Kendine gel," he tells himself out loud again. And again. And again.

Kendine gel. He unzips his pullover all the way down.

Kendine gel. He wipes his face with the napkins he finds near the mirror.

Kendine gel. He fixes his pants a bit right before stepping outside.

But when he comes back and notices Ada sitting in his chair, smiling and chatting with Ali, the need to kiss her neck is almost overwhelming.

I'm insane for this. She can have a boyfriend. She might not even like you.

But this desire is not rational. Far from it. And his wish to somehow make his cousin get far away from her… what's this? Kendine gel!

Without even realizing what he's doing, Bora subtly comes back to the table.

Fuck, her back! Bu ne ya? Bu ne?

He bites his lip while placing his left elbow on the back of his… now her chair casually, then looks at Ali. Waiting.

Ada stops talking immediately, sensing something is up, and raises her head just to find Bora Doğrusöz already looking at her.

Oh My… his chest. Yuh, ya. His chest is showing.

When she tries to stand up, the next thing she knows is the feeling of his hand on her shoulder, pushing her gently to sit. Burning her skin even through her dress.

Oha. Oha. Oha. His hands are so beautiful… pianist long and clean fingers.

And he’s touching me. He’s actually touching me.

But she has no idea how hard Bora tries not to move his hand higher and play with her hair. Ali does, though. He notices his cousin’s expression and gesture instantly and bites his cheek not to laugh.

"Ada, we need your help," Stefan’s voice makes Bora drop his hand and Ada stand up in a second. 

"What happened?"

"We have to bring the champagne, it’s almost midnight."

That’s all it takes for Ada to excuse herself and walk to the kitchen.

Almost midnight? Bora has no idea how time passed so fast. All he knows is that touching Ada’s shoulder made him relax instantly. She is so warm...

Sighing, he looks down at Ali: "Bu bakış ne öyleyse?" So what is this look?

"Koskoca Bora Doğrusöz birini mi kıskanıyor?" Is the big Bora Doğrusöz jealous of someone?

"Ali!" His answer only makes Ali smile widely. 

Bora is not made of stone after all.

"Peki, tamam, daha fazla konuşmuyorum." Ali brought his right hand onto his lips and made a sweeping motion across his lips as if there was an invisible zipper there. Okay, I won't continue.

You can’t be silent even in your sleep, Bora thinks, rolling his eyes.

When Stefan comes with the tray full of champagne glasses, Bora takes two, putting one on the table behind him.

"Neden iki bardak aldın?" Why did you take two glasses?

"Efendim?" Bora turns his head to Ali surprised.

"İki bardak aldın ama araba kullanacaksın."  You took two glasses, but you'll drive. Ali knows too well Bora is not drinking even his glass.

"İçersem araba kullanamam. Çok iyi biliyorsun." I don't drive if I drink. You know very well.

Bora never drank and drove. Ever. Not even as a teenager. And he never let anyone drive him home in that state. It's not just dangerous, but also foolish.

10

"O zaman ikinci bardağı benim için mi aldın?" So you took the second glass for me?

They both know who that glass is for and what Ali wants to find out.

8

"Ne yapmaya çalıştığını anlamıyorum sanma. Sana söyledim, Ada benim öğrencim. Sadece zor bir gün geçirdiğini düşünüyorum. O yüzden iki bardak aldım..." Don't think I don't understand what you're trying to do. I told you, Ada is my student. I just think she had a hard day. So I took two glasses...

He's not lying. Not at all. But Ali doesn't seem to buy it. Bora senses that based on the way he looks at him, the questions and teasing won't end tonight. Because he knows Ada attends his course.

4

"Öyle olsun, kuzen." Whatever you say, cousin.

Ah, Bora, ah! You did this to yourself when you decided to bring him here.

"3"

"2"

"1" Everyone screams loudly at the same time. "Happy New Year!"

ABBA's "Happy New Year" starts playing, too, and Bora sighs, bringing his glass up to clink it with Ali's. "Cheers."

"Şerefe!" Ali takes a big sip before putting his drink down. "Şimdi öpüşelim mi?" Do we kiss now?

"Sen çoktan sarhoş olmuşsun." You are already drunk.

"Gelenek öyle değil miydi? Ben mi yanlış biliyorum? Ya da…" Isn't that the tradition? Am I wrong? Or… He stops talking just to make kissing sounds and point to the crowd: "Belki de başka birini öpmek istiyorsundur. Ökse otunu getireyim mi senin için?" Maybe you want to kiss someone else. Shall I get the mistletoe for you?

"Allah aşkına bi siktir git ya!" For God's sake, fuck off! Bora punches him lightly in the shoulder to emphasize his words. Hard enough to make him feel it, but not too much. He's really grateful Ali came here to celebrate with him. He feels less alone. When they video called his family before coming to the restaurant, Bora felt the homesickness eating his soul slowly. The schedule didn't let him go back to Turkey. And it hurts. He is used to loneliness most of the time, he even enjoys it. But even he has these moments when all he wants is to eat the food he grew up with and fall asleep on his old bed.

"Tamam, professor ."

"Ali!"

But Ali doesn't even look at him: "Mutlu yıllar, Ada!"

His eyes are on Ada. Bora's, too, now.

She is so beautiful it almost hurts.

"Mutlu yıllar!" She says with a grin. But her smile isn't for him, it's for his cousin.

A loud sound echoes in the room all of the sudden, making everyone look out the windows.

Fireworks.

Everybody starts to go outside one by one to look at the sky and film. Even a part of the employees.

Everything is so colorful… so alive.

"Professor?" Bora doesn't even realize he is almost alone until Ada calls him. "Don't you want to go outside? The view is so beautiful."

She is close to him again. He can smell her perfume.

If he moved just a bit to the left, their bodies would touch. He would feel her hips… but the way she smiles while watching the fireworks makes him breathless.

"Yes," he says without taking his eyes off her. "Very beautiful."

They stand there for a few more seconds until Bora remembers something and takes a few steps back.

"Wow! Do you-" but when Ada turns her head to look at professor Doğrusöz, she stops talking mid-sentence.

He's offering me champagne? Ada is too stunned to speak.

"Cheers, Miss Tözün. Happy New Year."

"Cheers… Happy New Year, professor." She takes the drink from his hand trembling, just for them to clink their glasses after it.

"When does your shift end?" He asks while placing his champagne glass back on the table.

"Twenty minutes."

So for the next twenty minutes, Bora and Ali wait. Most of the people started to leave, so the tables had to be clean.

When Ada returns to the room with her hair down and her coat on, carrying a small bag on her shoulder, they stand up ready to leave.

She needs thicker clothes, Bora thinks. She can freeze to death like this.

"Ada, are you driving tonight? We can take you home," Ali offers, looking at Bora for approval.

Finally, you did a good thing, kuzen.

"Yes, it's late."

"I already called a taxi that should be here any second. But thank you very much for the offer."

Her voice is quavering, showing how tired she feels after a full day of work.

She works, studies, and writes… When does she have time to sleep? He wonders a little bit concerned. So much burden on her shoulders.

"We can wait with you…"

Ada gives them a sweet smile when she hears Ali, but shakes her head.

"No need, I don't want to bother."

"You don't bother us, Miss Tözün." Why would you think that? He wants to add, but he stops himself in time.

*

Bora knows Ada is stubborn. Very stubborn. But tonight? She is ridiculously bullheaded.

She insists on waiting for her taxi in the cold instead of staying in the restaurant or even in his car. She doesn't have her beanie, her legs are freezing, but he keeps repeating the cab is about to come.

İnanılmaz! Unbelievable!

So without waiting any longer, Bora moves discreetly behind Ada and takes off his coat. Just to drape it gently over her own coat.

The coldness hits him in the stomach instantly, but he decides to ignore it and give her his breton, too.

Ada shudders at the feeling of the new two sources of warmth.

"P-professor?" She asks confused as she catches the coat from falling with her red hands.

"Keep them on, Miss Tözün. You worked a lot today, you probably barely slept and ate, and you sweated. You will catch a cold."

It's so warm , she thinks and looks at him. He's kind, but it's not okay… He is in a pullover only. And his curly hair is wet...

"Professor, you'll freeze-"

"Miss Tözün!" The authoritative professor tone makes Ada shallow her protest. As stubborn as she is, he seems even more determined than her.

Ali stays silent the whole time, observing them…. Observing Bora.

A few minutes later the taxi finally comes, and Ada can't be more grateful. She can finally give professor Bora's coat back.

"Thank you very much and good night!"

But he is too busy looking at the driver to respond to her. Maybe I should go with her… he thinks while buttoning his coat.

"Good night, Ada!" Ada watches Ali wave goodbye to her as she opens the back door of the car. She never felt comfortable sitting in the passenger's side with strangers.

Finally going home... Finally. She sighs. Her legs are killing her. And her hands.

"Ada Tözün?" The taxi driver asks politely.

"Yes."

"Ada!" She is surprised to see Bora stopping her from closing the door as he leans down and looks at the driver. "Hello, have a great year, but drive carefully ." Then, he turns his attention to Ada: "Don't forget to text me when you get home, please. You know I always get worried."

You. Know. I. Always Get. Worried. Even though she knows his words are meant to send a message to the man that's driving her home, they send shivers down her spine.

The idea of Bora Doğrusöz getting worried about her and him being so close… if she raised her head just a bit, she would kiss his neck. Yuh!

And she realizes he won't close the door until he hears her saying yes.

And I thought I am stubborn...

"Of course." Bora smiles, giving her one more look until he finally lets them leave.

He needs to know she is safe.

*

Ada has no idea what to do as she lies in bed. She's so stupid… she forgot to give him back his breton. She is so used to wearing one all the time that she didn't even realize she still has it on.

When she noticed she was already almost home. 

But why didn't he take it back?

He also told her to text him. But how can she text him if she doesn't have his number?

Writing an email would be inappropriate. The university can check any time and imagine God knows what.

She should have asked for his number…

Maybe she can find him on social media. She sighs, there is no way Bora has Instagram.

But Ali might! She realizes and opens the app excitedly.

It doesn't take more than a few seconds to find him. His username is ali_dogrusoz and his profile is public.

"Ali Doğrusöz. 28. BizdeBöyle.net"

Oh, he works with Bora! Is this a family business?

Scrolling down, curious, Ada sees he doesn't have many posts. Only-

Bora!

Ada clicks immediately on the black and white photo.

May 28th 2019

It seems like a late-night selfie in front of the office. Ali was wearing a simple black and white Polo T-shirt meanwhile Bora had a white shirt on with a black tie.

His smile… his eyes disappear every time he smiles.

Ada zooms in on different parts of his face until she sees the fact that Ali tagged him.

He has Instagram! Yuh, maybe Bora Doğrusöz isn't as archaic as you think.

But fuck, his profile is private. She can only see his description and his profile picture, which is one of the black and white photos she saw when she looked him up on Google.

Kızım, he told you to message him… you're not committing any crime if you send him a request.

And before she can change her mind, she does it.

Ada has always hated waiting. Patience is not a quality she has when it comes to everything but the writing process and drawing. And Bora Doğrusöz didn’t let her wait too much.

Three minutes… it took only three minutes for him to accept her request.

Nervous, she clicks on his profile again and before she can scroll down and look at his photos, she taps on the message option.

Here you go kızım, don't overthink this! 

Good- she immediately deletes. 

‘Hello, professor. You told me to text me when I get home, but I realized I actually don't have your number. Sorry for disturbing you here.. I'm home and safe. Thanks for everything and Happy New Year!’

Seen

Ada tries not to freak out when she sees him typing after a few seconds. But it's impossible not to.

‘Hello. I didn't realize, either. Thank you for letting me know, I was getting worried. Get some rest. See you at the course and Happy New Year!’

I. Was. Getting. Worried.

Get. Some. Rest.

Ada smiles, then returns to his profile. She will go to sleep… soon. 

Time to stalk, I guess, she thinks as she scrolls down.

Chapter Text

Her writer's block didn't only affect her writing. She hasn't been able to read... properly for a year.

And this made everything worse. On. Every. Level.

Being unable to write for months, to read... feeling like you're underwater: you are not able to focus. It's chaotic and painful because being creative defines who she is.

Writing and drawing.

Her aunts have always thought her passion for art is fleeting. Because how can a little nine years old girl know what she wants? That's not how the world works, right?

But it never passed. It got bigger and bigger.

And attending the writing course for the first two weeks made her realize how much she actually struggles now… how the pressure she puts on herself actually aggravates her issues.

Bora Doğrusöz might be aggravating and stiff, but his magnetic way of speaking and his confidence make him fascinating and easy to envy.

He's not trying to fight to get credibility, to convince them of anything... He uses a style that attracts instead of repelling.

Ada tried not to stare at him while he was talking, but it was hard. Because he tends to move around the room, and when he gets near her, she feels… surrounded.

His passion is contagious, his face is distracting and his speeches make her take down many notes.

"If you're passionate about the topic you write, the audience will be drawn unconsciously, too. Because the problems, ambitions, plots are the same in every part of the world, every year. What makes it different is your personal mark... you can give life to the most boring things. Honesty, passion, and human nature stand out. So you need conflicts, but realistic ones, that apply to what you believe in. Without conflict, there is no real drama. And if it's something I learned over the years is that people love drama."

People love drama, indeed. And pain. But a happy ending...

"Answer the basic questions: Who? What? Why? Where? When?"

For the second week, they had to read Anatomy of Story by John Truby and a few articles related to story structure.

Ada read it on the bus while she was going to work or coming home while cooking and eating or before going to sleep.

"A novel needs a shape. You need a structure... linear or nonlinear: to know where to start and how you want to end it. Take all the possibilities into consideration. There are no strict rules, you can and should choose the option that flows better for you. 

Usually, historical, fantasy and dystopian novels need more planning, mapping, description, etc so they can be authentic… Ulysses, for example, is divided into three books and eighteen episodes. It might seem unstructured, even chaotic at the first glance, but it's actually structured.

Joyce said that he had purposely 'put in so many enigmas and puzzles that it will keep the professors busy for centuries arguing over what I mean’.

He wanted to make the novel immortal like this, even after his death. It's his legacy to the world. To make people try to discover more and more details over the years."

A quote from James Joyce: The Centennial Symposium by Morris Beja…

Ada read it the summer before her second university year started. To understand the perspectives better.

"Film writing is different. The three-act structure is a safe option and has been used often in the past.

Christopher Nolan is known for his nonlinear structure. For example, the reverse-chronological structure of Memento connects the audience to the action and heightens the suspense, making the narrative seem like a puzzle.

He uses the Inception structure in Dunkirk discreetly: a week on The Mole, a day in the Sea, and an hour in the Air. The duration of the pilots’ flight occurs within the duration of the sailors’ voyage, which occurs within the duration of the evacuation at the Mole. 

He cuts between timelines frequently, focusing on different people that have a common goal: survival and protection."

Christopher Nolan is Ada's favorite director alive. The way he writes his script and directs everything touches her very much. She wants to be able to make her readers feel the same… to evoke the same type of interest. One day.

"I think you all got used to the flashback technique already; it got pretty popular over the years. This interruption of the chronological order helps the targeted audience understand the present-day events better, empathize more with the characters and be curious about the existent relationships. And, of course, flashbacks can be used for parallelism. But there is also a technique I like more: the prolepsis."

When he saw everyone was confused in the room, including Ada, he came up with the explanation.

"You know it as a flash-forward and you probably saw it in shows like How to Get Away with Murder, Breaking Bad, or Lost.

Flashforwards are usually found in novels that have supernatural elements; thrillers, science fiction stories…

You most probably read Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol."

Everyone nodded, so he continued.

"Scrooge is visited by three spirits: the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Yet to Come that show him moments from his life. When he sees the image of his own headstone, he finally changes his ways: I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. This is a great example of flashforward."

*

She’s not here.

"Ursula Le Guin said in her essay - The Fisherwoman’s Daughter that ‘First sentences are doors to worlds.’ Before I begin, I want to know… does that name ring a bell?"

A few hands rise in the air as soon as he finishes his question, and Bora picks one of the girls from the back to answer, without paying much attention.

"She writes speculative fiction. She’s the author of A Wizard of Earthsea, right?"

It’s weird how he was in a good disposition after the short Zoom meeting he had with Ali and Tuğçe this morning. Bizde is doing fine, and they managed to convince Altay Kaya to accept an interview. So he expects the views to go up next week. A great way to start the year. But somehow, his mood dropped as soon as the course started tonight. Like an invisible hand wrapped around his neck and tried to suffocate him. Like someone forces him to be here.

"She wrote. She died in 2018." The girl he corrected looks down immediately, embarrassed. He wouldn't be so difficult usually, but tonight he just has the urge to snap at everyone.

Shaking his head, Bora continues: "What can she mean? It’s simple…”

It’s simple to send a message to announce you’re not coming, right? On Instagram… one minute. Only one minute max. Something like "Sorry, I don't think I can come this Friday. Have a great day!", but no, she chose not to respect my rule. It's so easy: you can be absent three times, but you have to announce it beforehand.

"Sir?"

Shit! Kendine gel, Bora.

"Like I was saying…" He clears his throat and leans against the desk behind him, trying to cover up his lack of focus with movement. "It's simple: opening lines can give life to your story or kill it."

He should know this. He wrote and rewrote the first line of Tabuttan eight times until he was okay with it... Not completely because he is never satisfied with anything he does. But he wishes he could still do that.

Keşke…

"Kill it?"

Bora has to bite his cheek not to give the flirty guy a sinister smile. In class, there is no girl he didn’t try to hit on in the last two weeks, and that pisses Bora off so much. Are you here to learn or to hook up?

"Yes, kill it. Should I bring you a dictionary?" He’s far from professional with this snarky rhetorical question. He knows it, but he can't help himself.

"No need."

"Good. Now, opening lines are vital for the writers. If you asked me, the title and the first line are the main decision factors if the readers are gonna be interested and your book is gonna get published. They are usually interconnected because an editor won't judge the story in a way that you, as an author, might expect. A publishing house won't publish your novel if it's not catchy enough for the target. Because what's the point if you don't gain money? No audience equals no money, and no money equals no publishing.

If the first line is great, your readers will be hooked, eager-" But before he can finish his sentence, a sudden sound makes him lose the train of thought.

Oh, for fuck's sake! How hard can it be to focus on your fucking lesson, Bora? Now you're hearing things?

Bora counts to ten in his mind and taps on the edge of the desk with his index finger, before continuing his idea:

"Your readers will be famished to read the next line, paragraph, chapter, etc. So the first line can be seen as a catalyst or simply clickbait. However you want-"

But that sound wasn't just in his head. Because everyone turns their heads to the door when another knock interrupts his speech. A loud knock.

Could it be…

"Come in."

And it is her. Ada Tözün. Closing the door behind her.

She’s here. Twenty minutes late, but she came. With her eternal huge bag and thin jacket on. No beanie this time, though, because her semi-wet hair is in a ponytail.

"Good… evening." She is so red, so out of breath that she has to pause for a few seconds to be able to speak properly. Like she ran all the way here, which is absurd… But Bora lets her have this moment because it also helps him regain his focus. "I’m so sorry for being late."

Her eyes are on Bora Doğrusöz: from his posture, his black pants and shirt to his face and slicked-back hair.

He shaved. She remarks, remembering that he still had his beard when they met before her latest exam. By chance. At university.

They didn't even talk. She hasn't talked to him since New Year's Eve.

He nodded in the hall and she nodded back. That's all.

"Miss Tözün, what a pleasure. You finally decided to show up."

The dose of sarcasm in his voice makes Ada look away, not wanting to show him how angry that tone makes her. Because it's the first time she's late, and it's not even her fault.

"I'm sorry, professor. It wasn't intentional. Can I sit?" She tries to sound as sweet as she can, but he doesn't buy it. Not at all.

"I don't know, Miss Tözün, can you?"

Öküz!

"May I?" She asks through her teeth.

"Of course, of course, Miss Tözün." He raises his hand and points out to her desk in invitation. In a challenge. Then he watches her silently as she sits down, dropping her bag on the floor, and takes out her notebook.

"Hi." Florence smiles at her.

"He-"

"Miss Tözün?" She hears professor Doğrusöz calling her before she can answer.

Of course… The torment has just begun I guess, she thinks, sighing, then raises her head to look at him.

"Yes?"

He's no longer standing at his desk, he's walking towards her in small steps.

"Since you interrupted our lesson, do you know what we've been talking about? What lesson was scheduled for today?" He's close now. Right in front of her. If he took two more steps forward, his thighs would be pressed against her desk.

"Opening lines."

"Correct." He smiles. The big Bora Doğrusöz smiles, but not in the way he did on New Year's Eve. That smile was sweet, positive, and organic. This one screams competition like she's just provoked him to do something. "Can you give us an example of an opening line, Miss Tözün? But in English, please."

Ass! This is a direct attack. Like he is ready to punish her for being late. As if she did it intentionally… It's easy for him to jump to conclusions from his position. And yes, he most probably earned what he has, but it doesn't give him the right to treat her like that. 

Yes, he is an appreciated writer. An attractive… A very attractive one. And polite. And kind. When he wants to. But assuming things like this, "punishing" people like this, it's childish.

"It was a pleasure to burn." You.

Fahrenheit 451. One of his favorites. The message about censorship and the way Bradbury basically explained how important literature is for evolution and humanity…

"Another one?"

Seriously?

"Aujourd’hui, maman est morte," she almost whispers the words with her eyes fixed on her fidgeting hands. Like this was something personal. But then she gives him a fake smile. A vengeful-but-hurt type of smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Oh, sorry, you said English, my bad… Mother died today."

L’Étranger, interesting. Does she speak French? He wonders because her pronunciation was so good. Miss Güneş… what a surprising woman. So surprising that he ignores the way she basically teased him about his English comment and focuses on his curiosity:

"You read Albert Camus?"

Is this relevant? Or do I just look too dumb to understand Camus? She wants to ask because it seems like it's an interrogation, but she manages to stop herself in time. This would never end, and as much as she hates giving in, she needs to be respectful. And he probably didn't even try to insinuate anything about her this time. "Yes."

And her short answer is enough for Bora Doğrusöz to leave her alone for the next few minutes as he asks others about opening lines and the meaning behind them.

But does he move around as he usually does? No. Not this time. He just stands there, so close to her that she could touch his thigh through his pants.

Fuck. Ada, you can't do this and you know it.

"What about 'Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way', huh?"

"Tolstoy." A few people in the class immediately recognize the quote, but Bora looks unimpressed. It's a classic, so he expected them to know it.

And Ada is not shocked. She doesn't think she's ever seen him surprised until now.

"Yes, Tolstoy. What do you think about it?" He takes a look around the room as if he’s trying to decide who’s gonna be his next victim, but his glance falls. "Miss Tözün?"

On her. The same old victim.

Ada fights the urge to roll her eyes.

"I think it's…" Bullshit. "Not true. Not entirely I mean."

"Why?" His answer comes instantly, like he anticipated she’ll say that.

"Because it basically means that all happy families have a list of attributes which they must fulfill entirely to be able to reach happiness."

Which is ridiculous, nothing functions like this. Happiness is relative, people aren't the same… the goals are different.

But Bora Doğrusöz doesn't seem to agree with her.

"Such as?"

"Such as good health, great financial-"

But she can't finish her phrase because he interrupts her. He freaking interrupts her.

"And isn’t this right? Can you be happy if you’re not healthy, have a lot of money, and have time to spend it?"

Unbelievable! She thinks while watching him take a step forward. He is even closer now. Yuh ya!

"That’s not the problem." Her voice cracks a bit, but she continues anyway, too involved now to give up. "The problem is that Tolstoy makes us think there is only one version of happiness and thousands of pain. Which isn’t true."

"It isn’t?"

"No!"

Ada seemed more rational to him than anyone in the class. Her examples and ideas were realistic and focused on the essence. She didn’t get lost in details even though she noticed them.

"So you’re saying Tolstoy was wrong?" She raises her head, trying to get a better look at him as he crosses his arms. In concentration? Or maybe he’s angry. Good, Ada thinks happily. Get even angrier.

"I’m saying his vision in this book was limited."

L i m i t e d.

Bora almost smiles. Game on, Miss Güneş.

"Why? Because he believes that happiness isn’t special in novels?"

He looks her right in the eyes as he leans down towards her. Far enough not to really invade her personal space, but close enough to be able to touch her notebook and notice the silver necklace that’s under her dark red sweater.

Warm colors make her eyes seem… so vibrant, so green. Too green.

"Special? So happiness is boring and pain is not?"

She leans forward, too, as if she’s daring him to continue. And as she moves, her ponytail sways from side to side, making Bora clear his throat and grab the edge of her desk. But not because of their challenge or her words. Nope, not even close. But because he only has to extend his hand just a bit to be able to wrap her hair around his fist and pull her into a… Bora! Kendine gel!

"What can be so interesting about happiness? Writing about happiness won’t get you published, Miss Tözün."

Miss Tözün, Miss Tözün, Miss Tözün.

"But sorrow can, right?" She’s so tired of this. He’s been picking on her since she came as if she wanted to be late. She apologized, yet he chooses to act like this. Is she supposed to be an example? She won’t let him win this.

"Right."

Ah, Bora Doğrusöz, ah! You’re so easy to read tonight.

"Well, what is sorrow? What is happiness? How comes people cry in some contexts and laugh in others? How do we make the difference between drama movies and comedies?" But Ada doesn’t wait for an answer. She doesn’t need one. "You can't feel and understand happiness without sorrow or sorrow without happiness. Would you know that black is a dark color if you didn't have something lighter to compare it to like white that is the complete opposite?"

She wouldn’t have known what courage is if she hadn’t come here. She wouldn’t have been in this room if Rüzgar wasn’t the way he was.

"Interesting analogies, Miss Tözün, but the literature world doesn’t work like that."

Ada smiles because she expected this type of riposte. He’s trying to play the arrogant famous writer-professor role, but she doesn’t buy it this time. His tone is far from sincere.

"How does it work then, professor? Please, enlighten me… us."

Vay be, he thinks, trying not to show any sign of annoyance. Because that's exactly what she wants: to get a reaction. And since she seems fond of French authors, maybe he can strike back in another way.

"You know… Henry de Montherlant said ‘happiness writes in white ink on a white page’." He paused for a few seconds to look around. "Which means that if people are happy, there's no story. The end. Fin. Because what else is left to say? Who reads a book to see people happy from A to Z?"

His eyes return to his favorite victim: stopping on her red cheeks at first.

"Who said that? Who said they should be happy from A to Z? This is the problem, professor Doğrusöz, you make the same mistake."

He never heard the term professor used so mockingly before. Ada Tözün has a lot of courage for someone who came late and didn't even tell him about it in advance.

"Mistake?" Bora can't believe what he hears. "Please, enlighten me… us, Miss Tözün."

And she doesn't hesitate. She does exactly what he asked for.

"First of all, there is no recipe for happiness. Happiness is not the same for everyone. There are happy people without a ton of money, but healthy. There are people with a ton of money and they’re healthy, too, but nothing makes them reach happiness. There are teenagers in a relationship-"

"Love has nothing to do with it." His tone is so austere and unapologetic as he states that.

"It does."

"How?"

He never saw her speaking so passionately before. And she never mentioned love. He doesn't know if what he feels is a bit of disappointment because he pictured her as more rational… like him. Or a bit of desire because he wants to make her realize she is wrong in another… context.

"Because love can bring happiness. And misery. And deception. You should know that better than anyone."

What’s that supposed to mean? A cold shiver runs down his spine as he notices Miss Tözün's know-it-all expression. She can't really know… no one knows. Right?

"Me?"

"Yes, you… you teach creative writing, you must have read dozens of love stories and books about how romance works, I’m sure."

Unbelievable! She is unbelievable! She manages to use his own experience against him. He needs to step up his game. But how?

And of course, she doesn't know, Bora. What were you thinking? Kendine gel.

"They’re far from remarkable, Miss Tözün."

Feeling more relaxed, he lets go of the edge of the desk and rests his left hand on her notebook, so close to her forearm…

But Ada is too focused on his fingers to notice their proximity. On his ring finger, to be more exact.

No wedding band. No tattoo. Maybe… Kendine gel, Ada.

"With all due respect, that's ignorant."

"Ignorant?" His hand was trembling right in front of her eyes.

But Ada isn't going to back off now. 

"Aşksız bir yürek çorak bir ülkedir. Hiçbir şey yetişmez orada." And she doesn't even realize she didn't speak in English until she hears someone from the back asking what language it is and if she can translate. And what's even worse, neither did Bora. How could he not notice?

"Miss Tözün?" He drops his hand as he watches her. Her name came out more like a question than a warning. He was clear they needed to speak in English.

"It means that ‘A heart without love is a barren land. Nothing grows there.’, and I find it really fitting. People enjoy reading about happiness. And it doesn't exclude conflicts."

Well played, Miss Tözün. Well played.

"Who said that?" She hears Kellan ask from her right.

"It's a quote from a dizi. Vatanım Sensin."

"What’s a dizi? A book?"

"A show." As she says that, she turns her head towards the flirty guy Bora really wants to get rid off. He pays attention in class when women talk. Only. "If anyone wants to watch a historical Turkish TV show that aired a few years ago with a lot of sorrow, but also happiness, I highly recommend it."

*

"Is everything alright?" Bora asks surprised as he comes back from the bathroom while fixing his shirt sleeves. He had to roll them up in order not to get them wet while he washed his hands.

He didn’t expect to see Ada still in the class.

She was in front of her desk, looking at her phone.

"Yes…" She raises her head and gives him a polite smile. "My Uber driver cancelled at the last minute. I’m trying to find another ride. But I can wait downstairs if I bother you."

The anger from earlier cooled down a bit, but there is still an uneasy feeling that something can explode at any minute.

"It’s pretty late and we need to leave the building in max 20 minutes, so… I can drop you off." His words come out so naturally and fast that he doesn’t even realize what he actually suggested. Only when he sees Ada’s eyebrows rise a bit, do his words hit him.

"Oh, no. Thank you, I don’t want to impose, I’ll walk to the bus-" She tries to nervously refuse him, but he can’t let her do that, so he interrupts her. Again.

"You should know that if you imposed, I wouldn’t offer, Miss Tözün." He gives her an almost smile to assure her it’s not a big deal at all. It’s not the first time she assumes she bothers him, and as much as he shouldn’t care, he doesn’t want her to think and feel that. He wouldn’t suggest this if he didn’t actually want to help her out. And it’s only one time… it’s not like he’ll drive her around forever. 

"And public transport at this hour? No way." No fucking way. There is no way he would let her go home by bus at almost ten.

"But really…"

"Don’t be stubborn, you won’t win." He doesn’t even wait for a response as he goes to his desk, grabs his jacket and his laptop, then turns towards her. "Now let’s go."

Ada knows based on the look he gives her there is no point in fighting him. As much as he picked on her today, he still offered to help her out. And that makes Ada smile. Until he extends his left hand and points out to the door, and her eyes fall on his fingers again.

The walk to Bora’s car is awkwardly silent as Ada tries to avoid him as much as she can. Even when he takes the bag from her hand and their hands almost make contact. Even when he keeps staring at her in the elevator. Even when their shoulders accidentally brush at the front door as he holds it for her to get out of the building. But when he stops at the passenger side after unlocking his car and opens the door for her with his free hand, she instinctively looks him in the eyes. They’re tired but so kind.

"Or you can sit in the back if you don’t feel comfortable…" He says in a small voice, which makes Ada instantly react.

"No! It’s perfect, thank you."

He is cute when he’s nervous. It’s the first thing that comes to her mind as she gets in the car. A very nice car. All black…

Ah, Güneş, ah. The way I miss you, kızım. I miss our long night drives, I miss you breaking down. I miss you letting me cry on your hood.

Ada sighs and takes off her jacket while Bora gets in his driver's seat after putting her bag in the back.

"So… where to?" He gives her a side look and hands her his phone, with the maps app open. Ada takes it from his hand trembling, trying very hard not to touch him in any way. They are so close already…

And as he puts his belt on, she adds her address and places his phone on the support in front of them.

Thirty-five minutes shouldn’t be so awkward, she thinks.

"Thank you once again."

"Let’s get you home, Miss Tözün." It’s all he says before starting the engine.

The car ride is silent for the first ten minutes. Except for the moments Bora clears his throat and Ada watches Tik Tok videos on super low volume, trying to hide it.

"You should have left a message," Bora breaks the ice, unable to hide his curiosity any longer.

"What?" Ada drops the phone in her lap and looks at Bora, whose eyes are on the road, as they should be. She's surprised by his sudden question. She thought he didn't want to discuss anything with her.

"You should have messaged me you're gonna be late. It's one of the rules. And you read the whole contract…"

She did. Right in front of him. But he is wrong.

"Well, technically, I should let you know only if I'm not gonna show up." She gives him a  know-it-all grin when he turns his attention towards her for a few seconds. "There is nothing specified about being late in the documents."

Bora smiles. He smiles! So widely that his eyes almost disappear. And Ada has no idea how to stop herself from grinning even more because she made that happen. She made him smile like that.

Ah, Ada, ah! Kendine gel. You can't do this for so many reasons.

"Well, you're right."

Ada nods in approval because he can admit his mistake after all. Maybe she can ask about his attitude earlier, too.

"Was this why you…" She made a pause trying to figure out a way to describe what happened in class without sounding too offensive.

"Why I what?" Curious, he steals another glance at her.

"Why you kept demanding me to answer your questions… in class."

"Demand?" He raises his eyebrow, yet he doesn't deny anything. And even if he did, Ada wouldn't buy it.

"You know what I mean."

"Well, I don't like unreliable people."

He really hates lateness. And so does she. But she had a bad, unlucky day. And she can barely feel her legs.

"I had a difficult group of clients and then I missed the bus. But how many times have I been late or haven't come?"

So she doesn't have a car? Fuck! He thinks before answering her question.

"0."

"Exactly, 0. So yes, I agree, I should have messaged you, but I felt like you were picking on me."

Bora turns his face towards Ada for a bit and notices her fidgeting with her phone in her lap, nervous. And the sensation of shame he feels it's almost impossible to shake.

"I didn't… we were just having a debate."

A great debate actually, he thinks.

"Can I ask you something?" It's Ada's turn to surprise him, unable to hide her curiosity.

"Of course." He clears his throat, waiting patiently to hear her question, not knowing what to expect. And this uncertainty makes Bora vulnerable. He doesn't know how to react when he is unprepared.

"Do you really believe that?"

What?

Seeing the confusion all over his face, Ada explains further. "What Henry de Montherlant said about happiness. That it 'writes in white ink on a white page'..."

"I mean, he has a point." 

Does he? Ada screams in her head. How can that poor woman stay with you if you think and say stuff like this?

"You have strange opinions for a married guy," she mutters without realizing.

Married guy? What? Bora can't understand what she's talking about. Not at all.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing…" She whispers, cursing herself in her mind for saying it out loud.

"Miss Tözün, repeat, please." The tone he uses when he says please is so demanding that Ada feels like she's really talking to Professor Bora Doğrusöz. He wants to know? Fine.

"I said you have strange opinions for a married guy."

Bora looks at Ada from the corner of his eyes as if she went insane. What kind of question is that? Did he give her the impression he is fucking married? Is there any fake article talking about him being married?

"Where did this come from?"

"I… saw something."

"Something?"

Ada hesitates, a lie forming on her tongue that she brushes off, before she answers.

"A photo. After messaging you, I saw a photo as I was closing Instagram. With you and a blonde girl."

"Blonde girl?" Bora tries to remember the Instagram photos that he posted –that aren't even that many– and if he has any photo with Tuğçe there. Or any blonde woman.

"Yes."

Oh, shit! He has to bite his cheek to keep looking serious when he realizes what she's talking about.

"So you assumed I’m married, right?"

She whispers something that sounds like yes, so he continues. "Then where is my ring?”

He even raises his hand from the steering wheel to show off his ring finger. Empty ring finger. To make an obvious point. And Ada starts to feel kind of ridiculous. Kind of stupid. Thank God, she didn't make a bet with Selin! Maybe she is right…

"Maybe you’re the type of guy who takes his ring off. Or maybe you don’t wear rings. Or maybe you’re not married, you just have a k-"

Bora can't help himself but interrupts her as she starts babbling.

"First of all, I am not married. Second, of all, that little blonde girl is my niece… My sister's daughter." Ada doesn't even notice they're in front of her building until Bora stops talking and parks the car relatively close to the front door.

Holly shit, you made a fool of yourself Ada. She's his niece. His niece… She hasn't felt so embarrassed in so long. He must think I'm a fool. An unprofessional fool.

"Thirdly." He stops the engine and takes off his belt. Then he turns with his upper body towards her, giving her this whole attention. "If I were married, Ada, I wouldn’t hide my ring. I would make sure everyone knows I’m taken."

His voice is so low and his lips are so… alluring. His bottom one is so big. Even in the dim light of the car, he manages to stand out.

She shakes her head. You can't think about him like that and you know it.

"It's none of my business, anyway."

Sometimes I wish it was… he sighs, closing his eyes. It's a dangerous territory, Bora. Don't go there.

"Don't worry about it. And now that we cleared that up, can I ask you something before you leave?"

Ada watches him lean towards the back seat, probably grabbing her stuff. He is so close that his arm is brushing her shoulder. Just a little bit.

"Of course."

"Do you have a car?"

He sits back as he gives her the bag, carefully not to hurt her in any way. He tries not to sound too eager to find out what he's been wondering for days… but it's hard not to be impatient.

"I have a car, but not here. She's home. In İstanbul, I mean."

She? Interesting. Ada Tözün seems to love her car a lot.

"How about renting a car? Have you thought about it? Because it must take you a long time to go anywhere with public transportation. And it's dangerous, especially late at night."

He hates even just thinking about the things that can happen to Ada. It's so disgusting and sad that in the 21st century, women have to fear walking alone at night or using public transport.

"I thought about it, to be honest, but I decided not to."

"Why?"

"I know it might sound stupid, but I'm very attached to Gü- my car. And I don't think I can 'betray' her."

There is something about her voice that makes Bora want to insist. Because it's obvious that her excuse is not the real reason behind this, but he lets it go.

Is she struggling?

"I see." He sighs, trying to hide his concern. "Just be careful, okay? It's not the safest city."

Ada smiles all of the sudden, as she remembers his words from New Year's Eve.

Don't forget to text me when you get home, please. You know I always get worried.

"I will. Thank you and good night, professor."

"Good night, Miss Tözün."

She nods, still smiling, as she gets out of the car, putting her bag on her shoulder.

"Oh, and professor?" She asks cheerfully, holding the door open.

"Yes?"

"I don't know if you heard of him, but Edward Hirsch, an American poet-"

"I know him." He interrupts her, anticipating more or less where she's going with this. And it makes him excited. He loves her literature knowledge. 

"Great. He responded to Montherlant. I checked earlier to make sure I remember his words correctly."

"That's thoughtful… that you checked." He mutters like a fool, unable to look away from her red cheeks and her big smile.

"He said that ‘I don’t believe that only sorrow/and misery can be written.’ and I stand by that. Good night!" She closes the door immediately, not waiting for a response.

His good night is a soft whisper. A whisper that is long forgotten when he sees her back as she moves away from him. He hates it. The idea of her walking away leaves a sour taste in his mouth. "Wait! Miss Tözün?"

"Yes?"

She turns her head back to watch him through the small window.

"Good luck with your exams. The ones you have left." He runs a hand through his hair unconsciously as he speaks, trying to control his trembling voice.

"Thank you very much! Good night." Her grin gets wider as she turns around again.

"Good night."

Fuck! We said good night three times. Three! Bora realizes, starting the engine, as he watches Ada going inside the building.

Chapter Text

Cleaning usually alleviates his stress very fast.

Back in Turkey, Hanife has been their housekeeper since he was thirteen, and even before her, they had Esma. But he’s always preferred everything to be cleaned and arranged in his order, so he mostly did it himself. He’s never been the type of kid who got scolded for leaving his clothes everywhere or his food in his backpack like Ali did all the time. Aysun yenge used to give him as an example every time she came to visit, telling him about the pile of clothes Ali has in his dressing room. Which Bora detests with all of his being.

And what he hates even more than that is when someone else enters his place with shoes on.

But this time, not even cleaning helps.

“Are you done? Can you finally eat like a normal person? Who cleans before eating, Bora?”

It's not the first and he's sure it won't be the last time Ali judges him for his habits, so he's used to it.

“Excuse me for not being a pig… like others,” Bora whispers the last part close to the phone. Loud enough for Ali to hear him.

“Hey! I heard you!” His cousin’s instant response makes Bora smile as he hangs the towel on the handle of the oven. Some things never change.

“That was the point. I did it on purpose.”

“Ah, bakın görün kuzenim ne kaba biri.” Look how rude my cousin is.

“Kaba mı? Temiz insanlara artık kaba deniyor da benim mi haberim yok.” Is it rude? Clean people are now called rude and I didnt know

Bora takes the plate with one hand and his phone with the other one, going straight to the living room. He usually eats in the kitchen, but not today.

“Temizlik manyağı deniyor.” It's called a cleaning freak.

“Siktir git! You called me for a reason, and I doubt it’s this.”

“How’s writing going?”

Bora places the plate a bit too loudly on the table when he hears Ali's words. He didn't anticipate this. Not at all. He's never spoken about his writing process with Ali. Or anyone else except for his editor in general. Writing is personal and raw for him. No one knew about Tabuttan until it got published. Not even his parents.

“How are the numbers?” Bora dodges the question with another question, which rarely happens. Ali notices, of course he does… but he lets it go.

“Good I guess. After one day… But I promise this will be very popular.”

“Great,” Bora says absently. He's far from being interested in articles and statistics right now. Or even in his food. But he has to eat a little bit before going to his meeting and then to the gym.

“Neye bozuldun sen?” What are you upset about?

Fuck.

“Ne bozulması ya? İyiyim ben. Gayet iyiyim hem de.” What sadness? I am good. I am very good.

“Peki niye yalan söylüyorsun? Hayırdır, bir şey mi oldu? Kurs nasıl gidiyor?” Why are you lying? Did anything happen? How is the course going?

Bora sighs, knowing exactly what Ali is asking. Who Ali has been asking about ever since New Year. But he isn't in the mood to talk about Miss Güneş. Not at all.

“Ali, ne yapmaya çalıştığını anlamadığımı zannediyorsan..." If you think I don't understand what you're trying to do you're wrong. He warns him and finally takes a bite from his pasta.

It tastes like hospital food. He puts down his fork.

“Hadi, canım, sakin ol. It was just a simple question.”

“I need more salt. Wait a second.”

Bora stands up and quickly walks to the kitchen, with his cousin's voice in the background:

“Let me check if Altay Kaya shared the link on Instagram.”

A few seconds later, after grabbing the salt shaker from the counter, he returns to the living room and sits back on the couch.

Pulling the plate towards the edge of the table to put salt on the food, Bora remembers what Ali said before he left.

“He should have done it already. Kaya I mean… That was the deal.”

Altay Kaya isn't a bad guy or a bad artist, but he's forgetful. He came late to the interview Tuğçe had to wait for him for one hour because he forgot he had the meeting planned. He doesn't have a manager these days, which explains a lot. But still, Bora hates it. Intentional or not. So he wouldn't be surprised if he forgot about posting on social media, too.

“Oh, kuzen, you're back.”

“Did he post?” He asks, picking up a small piece of chicken with his fork.

“Yes, he did. So the views will start to rise.”

“Great. I’ll check them in half an hour when they are updated.”

But he doesn't expect a big change. They get the most comments on Saturday, indeed, but on Monday, they have the most traffic and shares. The article was posted on Friday, their usual interview day, so he expects the boom on Monday.

“Vay be.”

“Ne?”

“İşte buna gerçekten şaşırdım.” I'm really shocked by this.

Bora is getting impatient, waiting for Ali to tell him what's going on. Did Altay mess up? Did the article blow up?

“Ne oldu, Ali? Konuş sana!” What happened, Ali? Speak!

“Ada hanım posted something interesting.”

What? 

“Where?” Bora drops his fork all of the sudden and reaches for his phone. 

“On her feed.”

“On her feed, too?”

Seriously, Miss Güneş? If you posted another picture with Mr. Muscle, I will lose my mind. Allah, allah! 

“Too? Wait, you have her on your Instagram?”

Oh, shit.

“Yes, she messaged me to tell me she arrived home safely on New Year's Eve.”

Technically he's not lying: Ali asked him if he's friends with her, not since when he's been stalking her account. Her stories, her feed. She really loves art and literature… She shares different quotes and paintings at least once per week.

“But you check her stories?”

Of course Ali doesn't let this go. And to be honest, if he were Ali, he wouldn't, either. They love teasing each other and they use anything they can.

“When did I say that?” Bora tries to play it cool, as if it's not a big deal at all. But then he realizes that Ali follows her.

He follows her. Why?

“You said too ! Vay be!”

“Ali, that’s not the point. Why do you follow her?”

He needs to know.

Does she follow him back?

Does she find his captions funny?

Are they talking? If they do, is he flirting with her? It would be so unprofessional.

Does Miss Güneş like him?

Is he her type?

“You said my English sucks. Maybe I want to practice more.”

Well, he actually said his pronunciation sucks, but it's basically the same thing. But what does it have to do with Ada Tözün? Is she his teacher now? Ridiculous. Ali is ridiculous.

“Evet, o da kollarını açmış profesörümün kuzenine İngilizce pratiği yaptırsam diye seni bekliyordu.” Yes, she was totally waiting for you with open arms so her professor's cousin could practice his English with her.

But Bora doesn't know whom he tries to remind that Ada is his student more: Ali or himself. Like that would be a wake-up call.

But it's not enough to stop him this time because he opens his Instagram and searches directly for her account.

“Instagram’dan bi mesaj atıp sorabilirim. Belki gerçekten bekliyordur.” I can send a message on Instagram and ask. Maybe she's really waiting.

“Haha, çok komik.”

When he checks her feed, he is not surprised to see a new post that seems exactly like one of the pics she has already posted on her story an hour ago, but when he clicks on it, he realizes there are three photos there.

ada_tozun: Happy Saturday 👨🏻🦱

And the last one is different.

It's not a hug. No… they look out of an engagement party or something. Whoever took that photo did a great fucking job. Too fucking great. He caught them while talking about what seemed like the most interesting thing in the world. Mr. Muscle was gesticulating probably, trying to explain something, based on the way his hand was a bit raised, and Miss Güneş was smiling widely. So widely, Bora feels like a third wheel just by looking at the picture.

Her hair is laid down – the curliest version he's ever seen, over a dark green leather jacket and a black T-shirt.

She looks so good.

Meanwhile, Mr. Muscle seems like he's about to rip both: his dark brown vest and his shirt.

So many likes… and she didn't even tag him.

He feels like his auto control is about to vanish completely as he starts to read the comments:

selindoğu01: Kanka, bu ne șans be!

Bora notices Ada liked this comment and even answered with a See-No-Evil Monkey emoji 🙈.

She's her friend, he realizes, remembering he saw a photo with Ada and a girl with the same username on her feed.

giasworld: No fucking way - my dream man 🤤

misscrazycat: How was he? You are so lucky🙌🏻

_thealice: THEY LOOK SO GOOD.

cardiogirl: THE. CURLS. I would faint😭

alex.moor3: 🔥

henrycavill47: They look hotttt. So hot.

geralt_henry21: Are they dating? Does anyone know?

Fucking. Hell. Dating? There is no way she's dating him. No way.

He is sure she could date him. But this is not the case.

And so many remarks about how hot he is. For fuck's sake!

“Anlamıyorum nesine bayılıyorlar. Kim bu adam allah aşkına?” I don't understand what they like about him so much. Who is this man for God's sake?

Bora drops his phone angrily on the table, tired of everything already.

“Anlamıyor musun anlamak mı istemiyorsun?” You don't understand or you don't want to understand?

“Ne alakası var ya?” What does it have to do with it? He closes his eyes, trying not to relax for a bit. But it seems impossible. Ali won't stop speaking about it now and it's his fault. He openly fueled him.

“His body, kuzen… Ne bileyim yani sen daha cok Ada’yı kıskanmış gibi duruyorsun.” I don't know, you seem jealous of Ada.

Jealous? Bora Doğrusöz jealous of a woman he doesn't even know properly? Or a man like that? Never. He is just angry… professionally speaking, of course.

Is this fury rational? No. But it's based on the big expectations he has from her. She has the makings of a writer: she is hard-working, stubborn, ambitious, makes great points and she expresses her opinion openly, having great arguments. She doesn't change her mind when he disagrees with her vision, which makes Bora respect her very much.

These photos seem out of character. Like… What is the point of posting these?

“Saçma sapan konuşma ya, niye kıskanayım Ada’yı veya o adamı?” Don't talk nonsense, why should I be jealous of Ada or that man?

“Spor salonuna gidip biraz göğüs basarsan, belki senle de fotoğraf çekip Instagram'da paylaşmayı düşünür.” If you worked out your chest at the gym, maybe she'll consider taking a picture with you and posting it on Instagram.

Oh, wow! Bu ne demek şimdi?

No, he is not a massive guy, indeed, but he isn't skinny, either. He works out regularly: legs, chest, triceps… His structure won't actually really change, but he is not scrawny. Not at all.

But he needs to work on his thighs and ass more.

And why would looking like Mr. Muscle make Ada post photos with him? Why would she take pictures with him in the first place?

Fuck, he's trying to get another reaction out of me. He's testing to see how jealous I am. Bora sighs, admitting to himself Ali has a great strategy. Ever since his cousin put in his head that he is somehow interested in Ada, he's been trying to ask about her more and more subtly.

Sometimes, Bora doesn't even realize he's talking about Miss Güneş in a different context with Ali.

Sezar'ın hakkını Sezar'a vermek lazım. Give to Caesar the things that are Caesar's.

“Yapıyorum zaten, ama onun için değil. Bilmiyormuş gibi konuşma.” I already do, but not for her. Don't talk like you don't know.

“Olsun neticede, bi Henry Cavill değilsin.” Well, after all, you're not a Henry Cavill.

Not this again! Bora grabs his phone, opening his Instagram to look at the photos again.

He has curly blackish hair and broad shoulders, too. And they seem to be around the same height. Not a big deal.

But Henry Cavill has no scars on his face…

“Of! O da senin benim gibi bir adam işte. Anasından böyle doğmadı. Ufakken şişman bir çocuk olduğunu ve zorbalığa uğradığını hatırlatırım.” He is a man just like you and me. He was not born that way from his mother. I remind you that when he was little, he was bullied for being a fat kid.

“Peki çok afedersin, ama sen bu hikayeyi nerden biliyorsun?” Well, I'm so sorry, but how do you know this story?

It was at this moment that he knew he fucked up.

Allah kahretsin!

“İngiltere'de yaşıyorum, Ali. Hatırlatırım.” I'm reminding you I live in England, Ali.

He manages to control his tone, being well aware that nervousness causes a change in voice pitch in general.

He hates lies and yet he's been lying way too much lately. What a paradox…

But he can't admit he checked Ada Tözün's Instagram stories a few minutes after she posted them and looked for some info about Henry Cavill. He watched some of his movies, but he doesn't know too much about him.

“Yani?”

“İnsanlar konuşuyor.” People talk.

This sounds so lame, Bora criticizes himself immediately. There is no way Ali or anyone can buy this. 

“İnsanlar Henry Cavill'in şişman bir çocuk olduğunu ve zamanında zorbalığa uğradığını mı konuşuyor?” Are people talking about Henry Cavill being a fat kid and being bullied at one time?

He closes his eyes for a few seconds, too cringed by how ridiculous it really sounded. But he can't back down now.

You have to continue this circus, Bora. It can't get worse than this.

“Evet, özellikle üniversitedeki kızlar...” Yes, especially girls in college...

“Yeah, sure, sure. Biliyor musun, senin için üzülüyorum, kuzen.” You know, I feel bad for you, cousin.

Do the girls gossip about celebrities? Yeah. But did he ever hear about Henry Cavill's childhood at university? Nope.

“Ne? Hayırdır, sen kafanı bir yere mi vurdun?” What? What happened, did you hit your head?

Why would he feel sorry for him? It's insane.

“He played Superman. Not even you - Koskoca Bora Doğrusöz can stand a chance against Superman.”

Well, he doesn't fly and his morality isn't as inhuman as Superman's is. And he's not that old. Or a fucking alien. A win…

“Siktir git ya.”

“Yemeğini yedin mi?” Did you eat?

His appetite has been long gone ever since he opened Instagram.

“Boş ver… Doydum.” Never mind… I've had enough.

*

One of the perks of working with acrylic paints is the lack of smell. She hates the fumes from oil paint because they used to give her headaches and dizziness and irritated her eyes every time she used them.

For acrylics, she doesn't need water. The paint layer looks substantial on any surface… and matte, which she really loves. The colors look natural on a white background, but also on a colored one.

And acrylic paints are also more economical than oils. She doesn't waste so much money or time with cleanup… and they dry much faster than oils, which stay wet for a long time.

And she found the most amazing art supplies corner store when she moved to London. By mistake. She was just walking around, trying to go to as many places as possible before university started, and she found Mr. Oliver, who is such a great painter himself. He was the first 'friend' she made here. And she even managed to persuade him to drink tea with her from time to time when she drops by.

And today she got to meet Henry fucking Cavill as she left the shop.

He is so nice. And warm. And big. And he smells so fresh.

She didn't even want to bother him because he was on break. He seemed pretty tired, so she thought he deserves to know how much she actually appreciates his work.

She didn't intend to take photos with him. She just wanted to make him smile a bit.

So she went towards the bench he was sitting on before she could change her mind and said hi. From a distance. She knows how intrusive fans must be sometimes, and this was not her intention. And when he raised his head to look at her, all she could think about was:

Holly fuck… he is so fucking attractive.

From his curly hair, eyes, and jawline to his hands. He is totally filming for Enola Holmes 2. She didn't even know there would be a second part.

And the shoulders… God! His shoulders are just wow!

“Hey there.”

And his voice is just something else: low and a little hoarse. And his accent… death.

She can understand The Neighbourhood's lyrics better now: Darling, your looks can kill/

So now you're dead.

But his beauty is not the reason she likes him. And not the reason she went to say hi to him.

“Sorry for bothering you, I just wanted to tell you I really enjoy your acting style. I don't feel like I'm watching an actor playing a character on screen, which is pretty rare for me.”

“Thank you very much.” 

She did it. She made him genuinely smile as he stood up and extended his hand asking for her name.

“I'm Ada, nice to meet you.”

“Henry… as you must know already,” he laughs for a few seconds as they shake hands. “Nice to meet you. You have a beautiful name.”

“Thank you… well, I won't keep you from your break anymore.” 

She is sure that if she wasn't blushing until then, Henry Cavill's smirk made her really red. Because it's so warm and charming.

“You don't bother me, really. But,” he looks down, pointing with his index finger towards her plastic bag. “What's in there? I'm a curious guy.”

“Painting supplies.”

Henry's smile got even wider.

“So you're an artist?” 

He didn't ask if she was a painter. No, he used a big word… artist. 

Ada hadn't felt so happy and light in such a long time. 

“It's more like a hobby. But I'm a literature student.”

And they spend the next few minutes talking about literature – especially fantasy books, and Warhammer Minis, and movies. More fans came and a nice girl took a picture of them talking before they even realized. Then two more with them smiling at the camera and almost hugging before she left.

“Good luck, Ada. I can't wait to buy your book.”

And ever since she posted the photos, she's been getting so many likes and comments. She thought about turning them off, but she decided to wait until tomorrow.

Selin was the first one to message her, saying she has a famous friend now and asking jokingly if she has to save money or gold for her wedding with Henry.

Taking a break from her painting, Ada grabs her phone and randomly scrolls through her Instagram feed, then stories.

Selin posted a picture with a few colleagues from the restaurant. She knows most of them and as she sees them smiling in their uniforms, Ada can't help but feel a bit nostalgic. She misses home. And Güneş. And the sea. And Selin. And almost work, too.

Sighing, she clicks on a few other random stories of the celebrities she follows until she sees something that almost makes her drop her phone. Literally.

Bora Doğrusöz. Professor Bora Doğrusöz. Fucking. Shirtless. Taking a photo in the mirror.

There is no way this is real… What the fuck! What the actually fuck?! Ada returns to his story as soon as the fifteen seconds end and puts her thumb on the screen, holding it for a few seconds, before she realizes it would be easier for her to take a screenshot… to make sure this is really him, of course.

As soon as the screen is taken, she opens it, analyzing everything: from the mirror to his face and abs.

His hair is slicked back, the semi-wet curls tucked behind his ears trying to escape… She feels the urge to mess up his hair.

Was this photo taken after finishing working out? Because his hair seems sweaty-wet not gelled. God! The idea of him working out and posting this…

The collarbone, the shoulders. Those shoulders are something else. Ada never thought she had a thing for broad shoulders or arms or veins. Not like this. Not until him. Fucking veins, she is dying.

And he has a V! He looks too good to be real. She can't believe she actually has access to this photo. It seems like a crime.

A photo. All it takes is a simple black and white photo to make everything complicated for Ada. Because she can't help herself but imagine things… bad things. Really bad things she shouldn't. About her professor. Her professor taking off his shirt in front of her and placing her hands on his chest, then abs… Her professor on his knees in fr-

Kendine gel, Ada! Kendine gel!

But how? How can she come to her senses?!

*

She’s here…

She’s already inside the class when he enters the room, completely focused on the book she is reading. But when he closes the door, she looks up immediately, surprised.

“Good evening.”

Woah! He has another breton? How many does he own?

She almost feels guilty for not returning the one he was wearing on New Year’s Eve. Almost.

Because she likes it too much to do it now. She wears it a lot at university.

He looks so handsome today. The way his longer hair and the beard make him seem so British somehow… 

“Good evening, Miss Tözün. How are you?”

Bora goes to his desk, trying not to stare at Ada’s food-stained shirt she is trying to cover with her arms. Trying not to stare at her …

But he has to, so he lets his laptop case on the surface and turns around:

“I am well, thank you. How was your Saturday?”

He doesn’t know why he asks her that, especially because he knows exactly how it went. He usually tries not to engage with her in any kind of conversation outside the course. It’s dangerous territory and he knows it very well. But his impulse… He couldn’t control himself this time. This overwhelming feeling that’s eating his chest is too intense to be ignored.

“It was… good.”

Probably very eventful. The words are on the tip of his tongue, ready to provoke chaos once they’re out, but Bora knows better than to let his anger take over his other senses.

“Great..”

“How was yours?”

“What are you reading?” He nods towards the book in front of her and presses his back against his desk. His Saturday was far from good. And far from eventful like hers. He worked in advance, talked with Ali, and went to the only gym in the area that is open on weekends.

In response, Ada just lifts her book to show him the cover, and Bora almost starts to laugh… hysterically.

She is reading the complete Sherlock Holmes edition from Barnes & Noble. Un-fucking-believable!

“Wow, I expected more from you.” He says without thinking, loud enough for her to hear.

“What?” She is taken aback and immediately places the book back on the desk.

“I expected more from you. I really thought… my bad.”

She is reading Doyle for this man? Seriously? He truly expected more from her. He's so angry and disappointed all of the sudden. And so frustrated by this.

“What’s that supposed to mean, professor? How did I disappoint you?”

“You reading this.” He doesn't even look at her as he explains, which is so impolite, as he crosses his arms.

Is this a joke? It must be.

“Why? What’s wrong with it?”

“Everything.”

His tone. His position. His words.

Did he wake up on the wrong side of the bed? He's so rude and furious without reason. It can't be about the series she's just started. It's Sherlock Holmes… who can hate Sherlock Holmes?

“Let me explain. You read a book from a series that is so problematic, full of sexism and stereotypes and a lot of fucked up patriarchal bullshit, excuse my language.”

Woah. Professor Doğrusöz's neck is already becoming red. And the language. Ada has no idea how to react. The look in his eyes is so determined…

"Sexism?"

“Yes, Miss Tözün, sexism. I am certain you've heard this term before." His attitude is so patronizing. "Conan Doyle uses the women to point out that Sherlock Holmes’s deductive skills can’t be matched. He portrays Holmes as a machine: rational, calculating, and emotionless, placing him in juxtaposition to the women he gets in contact with, who are typically silent, eccentric, and display emotions, of course. And that is considered to be a sign of weakness.

Women's roles are mostly as silent, foolish victims, perpetrators, or muses most of the time. They can't be married, wealthy, and happy at the same time and they are often described as beautiful, sweet, wild, and passive. You know how many times he used smart?” But this isn't a normal question and Ada knows it. Bora already has the answer and he doesn't wait for her to shake her head. “Two or three in the whole series. Unbelievable!”

But it makes sense somehow for Ada. “A Study in Scarlet,” was published in Beeton's Christmas Annual in 1887. The society –especially the British one– hated females back then. The ones with a backbone or the ones that are eager to become independent were even seen as insane. Not that many things have changed…

So why is he so against it?

“But they were published-”

“Yes, they were published in the late nineteenth century when most women were overpowered by men, but as an author… It's disappointing and wrong. Holding a pen, you hold power. Even then. Actually, especially then.” Unable to stand still, Bora leaves his bureau and comes closer to Ada. The closest he's ever been, with his legs hitting her desk, but Ada doesn't look up. She stares at her hands.

“The captives are maltreated, abused, under the power of a man… the classic damsel in distress, asking for Holmes’ protection. They are overpowered by bad men when they try to have a type of independence that exceeds the appropriate role the female used to have, and Doyle did not do anything to change this stereotype.

The muses are just the object of male's affection. They don't exist for themselves, only to please men who are the center of the world.

Irene Adler explained in a letter to Holmes that she is an actress: 'male costume is nothing new to me. I often take advantage of the freedom which it gives. Freedom, Miss Tözün. I doubt he was trying to mock the idea of the association of freedom with males with this because he made Holmes extremely impressed with Adler.” The disgust in Bora's voice is evident. The way he says Sherlock's name… “Funny how the only women who have relative freedom are usually not married or they live abroad. They have independent wealth from a career that men don't agree with. Most, if not all are either from America or Australia, and that's the only way Doyle could explain these females' ability to escape the oppressive roles that the British class system designed. Great, right?” Another rhetorical question. But Ada understands what he means. And she agrees. Women are seen as the weak sex, that shouldn't have any rights or opinions. “He perpetuates the belief that the way patriarchal England treated women is the only modus operandi.”

By the end of his speech, he can barely breathe. His neck is so red, and his veins are showing. And right when Ada is about to open her mouth, confused, but ready to agree with him, he speaks firstly and destroys everything:

“So are you reading this book because you like it: the plot, the building, the characters or are you reading this book to fulfill some kind of fantasy?” He almost spits the last word. And Ada's heart. Because this question ruins her disposition immediately. The disappointed, judgemental way he looks at her… fulfill some kind of fantasy?

What's that supposed to– No! He can't actually mean her photos with Henry, can he? The idea of her being a fangirl who reads the books because she is too desperate… No way.

Yes, Henry is one of the reasons, but not the main one. She loves detective stories and she watched Sherlock when she was sixteen.

But she is too tired and upset to even try to ask for explanations or to deny.

“Wow, professor. Wow.”

These words and her glassy big green eyes are enough for Bora to realize what he's done. That he screwed it up. Badly.

But it's too late now. Especially when people start to enter the classroom and he has no choice but to go back to his desk. Leaving Miss Güneş upset.

So upset that she doesn't even speak once for the whole course unless he asks her to answer. And even then, her responses are short and cold. And so not Ada. Yes. No. I agree with you, professor. 

No reasons, no quotes, no examples.

Since when does she agree with him just like that? Bora feels almost sick. He can barely look at her… she seems like she's seen a ghost.

He didn't just bite her head off, he offended her. And this is not the way he was educated, nor the way he wants to act towards a woman. Especially Ada.

He needs to make up for it. He needs to do something. Anything…

And by the end of the course, he got the idea.

“Miss Tözün?”

“Yes?”

Signing, she feels obligated to look at him, as the rest of the class leaves silently.

“Can you, please, stay for a bit? I've just received the email about your grades.”

Liar. But she can't call him out. He received the mail three days ago when she finished all of her exams and got her results. She got high grades, so she can continue attending this course. There is no way he didn't check his email.

“Of course…”

She finishes putting on her jacket and grabs her bag and her phone from the table before going to his desk. It's one of the only times he's actually sitting in his chair, so he has to look up at her to be able to make eye contact.

“Miss Tözün…”

Stay calm. Whatever he's gonna say, stay calm.

“Yes?”

There is no one in the room anymore, but Bora still double-checks, trying to buy some time to find the right words.

Maybe he's gonna apologize. But Ada should know better.

“I need to ask you something.”

“I'm all ears.” She doesn't even try to hide her sarcasm. What'd be the point, anyway? She is still angry. And tired. And eager to go home to eat, take a shower, and sleep.

“Would you like to accompany me to dinner?”

“What?” Her response comes instantly, on impulse. Professor Doğrusöz's face is so expressionless, blank that it doesn't betray any type of emotion.

So she must have heard wrong. She must have misunderstood for sure. There is no way…

But then he moves. He leans forward and looks her straight in the eyes as he says:

“Join me for dinner, Miss Tözün.”

Chapter Text

There is no misunderstanding. Not at all.

Professor Bora Doğrusöz has just invited her to dinner after everything he said.

The nerve of this guy! The fucking nerve!

Does he think she is stupid or something? Or maybe it's a test.

No matter what his intention is, the audacity to ask her that...

“You must be joking.” Her grip on her bag tightens, trying hard to control her anger.

She refuses to think he’s serious.

“That's not an answer.”

God! How frustrating can he be?

“You want an answer to this? Fine: the answer is no.”

The determination, the slight hurt, and coldness in her eyes while talking make Bora sigh. He knows he screwed up, that he was unfair and blinded by his feelings and judgment, but what is he supposed to do? This dinner seems like a perfect opportunity for them to make up. Even though it’s very risky… to be so close publicly to her. There would be no escape from her cleverness, big sarcastic mouth, and bossiness. Yet, he still needs to do this. He wants to. But Miss Güneş is not gonna make this easy for him. It wouldn’t be her if she did.

“Why?”

“You basically indirectly insulted me two hours ago for reading a book just 'to fulfill some kind of fantasy'. And it's not even the first time.” Her voice is so bitter, especially when she quotes him. It almost sounds like a curse. “Well, you're free to think whatever you want, but it's clear what opinion you have of me. So why would I want to eat with you? Why would you want me to eat with you? Is this out of pity? Out of guilt?” She stops for a few seconds to shake her head like the idea of him feeling guilt sounds ridiculous. “Is this supposed to be an apology dinner?”

Yeah, Ada, it’s supposed to be an apology dinner. Bora is curious now about what she really thinks.

How upset is she? he asks himself. The last thing he wants to do is to make her feel like this, but he was really disappointed by her reading choice earlier. Even though it’s actually none of his business. The Sherlock Holmes series sends wrong messages from his point of view. The writing style and characters are bland. And she is far from the person he’d ever think would enjoy this type of misogynist portrayal of women.

You must really like Mr. Muscle.

But, again, it’s none of his business. She can like anyone and read whatever she wants. And he should be the last one to judge.

“Miss Tözün, I am aware I overstepped some boundaries…” He stops mid-sentence, not knowing what to say when she gives him a cold, provoking look.

Her eyes are so green. So, so green and expressive. They betray her all the time… His favorite ally.

“Great, so you are aware. Then why would you make that lame excuse to make me stay and then propose this? What's in for me, Professor? This dinner seems like a way for you to soothe your conscience. Why would I want to join you?” Not only the sarcastic tone but also the perfectly on-point questions make Bora freeze for a moment.

She is right. This is a way for him to stop feeling guilty, but it’s not only that. He wants to make up for his attitude, for overstepping the line, for hurting her pride. His suggestion that she is reading the book to fulfill a fantasy is not only disrespectful, but it also sounds a little misogynistic.

And what can she get from this dinner? An unintentional rude comment? A debate? A headache?

What can he offer her to make her feel better after a crappy day?

Only when he hears a whispered good night, professor and sees her back, he manages to come up with something.

“Wait, Miss Tözün!” Ada stops, but only turns her head to look at him. He is on his feet suddenly, looking all flushed. “Don't you miss home?”

Where’s he going with this? Home…

“What does that have to do with it?”

“Just... don't you miss it? The streets, the people, the smell, the food?”

Ada doesn’t want to think about it, the nostalgia…

She misses her car, her apartment, Selin, and even her old job. It’s crazy how much you can long for things that you dislike when you’re in another country. It’s crazy how lonely you can feel. How disappointed...

“Is this a trick question?”

“What can be tricky about longing? I know we had our... disagreement.”

“Disagreements. Plural.” She immediately corrects him, wanting to remind him it’s not the first time and probably not the last they are in this situation.

“Yes... but don't you feel lonely even surrounded by people sometimes?”

The change in his approach makes Ada take a deep breath. Especially because this is exactly how she feels most of the time. And this loneliness eats you alive. Bones, blood, skin. It makes you feel empty.

But I am not the one who refuses to speak Turkish here, she reminds herself. Kendine gel, Ada.

“Professor…”

“It's just a dinner, Miss Tözün.” He interrupts her before she can refuse his offer again. As stubborn as she is, she cannot win this. He won’t let her run from him. Tonight… “A dinner at a nice Turkish restaurant here I am certain you will enjoy. I think we both need it after a long day... and I promise I won't act like a jerk to you.”

Ada smirks instantly. Like she’s been waiting for this for such a long time. And her response actually makes Bora smile like a fool.

“Don't make promises you can't keep.”

This woman… God, this woman! She answered with the same certainty as he talked first.

If Ada wasn’t his student and he didn’t offend her a few hours ago, he would think this is her way of flirting with him without realizing it. But it’s not the case. She seriously believes he is a rude asshole, doesn’t she?

“So you think I'm a jerk?”

Both of their smiles get bigger as Bora asks that. He isn’t serious… far from it. If the circumstances were different, Ada would even call his tone playful. But it’s obviously not the case.

“Let's go before I reconsider this, professor.”Ada turns her head not to see Bora Doğrusöz’s reaction to the first step she takes in the peace-making direction. She doesn’t even know why she accepted… Maybe she’s tired and hungry. Maybe she hates staying on bad terms with him because she actually likes their talks. Fighting is fun. Staying mad? Far from it. Especially since he is a man she admires and wants to learn from. Yet, she won’t make it easy for him. This dinner, without a proper apology, isn’t enough. “But I need to change, so you have to drop me home first.”

*

He's been waiting for about fifteen minutes, but he doesn't mind. He is in no hurry, the restaurant is closing at midnight and they have enough time. He even let İhsan amca know he is coming with a guest.

And it's not like she didn't invite him politely to come with her inside. She did, but it was half-heartedly, and the last thing Bora wanted was and is to make her feel uncomfortable –especially in their situation. So he refused, thanking her for the offer, but he was alright waiting here.

He is a curious person. And, truth be told, he really wanted to see Ada's apartment. He knows it probably isn't big and she might not be free to decorate it completely how she wants, but he is sure she found a way to make the place hers... He is wondering if she has some books here or if she left them all home. If she has a proper kitchen. And how her room smells. He wants to know more, but he knows he shouldn't.

He needs to be professional, be keeps reminding himself, but it doesn't seem to work. Not when Ada steps out of the building in hurry with a bottle of water and a small purse in her hand. He watches her walking towards his car in his mirror. She's wearing a red dress that stops around her midthighs, probably, showing off her perfect legs even from a distance. She has a coat on that obscures the view a bit, but the buttons are open, so as she is basically running, the dress moves slightly, too, exposing more skin.

Shit, he runs his tongue over his teeth, trying hard not to moan, then takes a deep breath, hoping he doesn't look like a creep when she finally reaches his car. She is your student! Your fucking student, Bora. Kendine gel!

He immediately reaches to the passenger's door side to open it for her. The moment she steps inside, his car doesn’t belong to Bora anymore. It’s hers… Miss Güneş’s. Because her perfume is everywhere.

“Hi again.”

“Hi.” He barely manages to whisper, trying to keep his eyes on his lap, far away from her legs as she puts her seat belt on.

He doesn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, and staring like a crazy man wouldn’t help.

“This is for you.” As Ada hands him the bottle of water, Bora turns his head back to her, surprised. “You must be thirsty.”

She seems content and, paradoxically, angry at the same time. She has some lipstick on and he can’t help himself from picturing smudging it with his own lips. Or fingers.

“Thank you.” He takes the water bottle and instantly drinks half of it as if he’s been deprived of water for days.

Ada doesn’t even try to pretend she’s not staring at him: at his hair and breton, at his fingers and neck. The way his Adam’s apple moves while he shallows makes her squeeze her thighs together.

She’s well aware he’s fascinating, and she is attracted to him. Despite his rudeness. She likes how he looks, obviously, how honest and confident he is. And she knows he wouldn’t sugarcoat anything.

He is dangerous… she can’t let this attraction evolve into something more.

But when he finally stops drinking, she realizes it’s gonna be hard. So hard…

Because she wants to lick the drops of water that are about to fall from his lips. Then bite them…

Fuck! Why did you accept this dinner, kızım? You’re gonna mess everything up while trying to make him apologize.

No amount of water can make it easier for Bora to ignore her, so when his eyes fall involuntary on her legs, he curses himself. The images that appear in his mind are far from appropriate: him on his knees in front of her, her legs wrapped around…

You can’t do this, Bora. She’s not an object. You can’t let yourself think about her like this.

Shaking his head, he places the bottle on the support between their seats and starts the engine without looking at her, ashamed.

*

The restaurant is small and cozy, which surprises Ada. She expected it to be really ‘fancy’, but he really brought her to a local Turkish place. And since there are only two other clients inside when they enter, İhsan amca immediately notices them.

“Is this spot alright?” Bora asks nervously, pointing to the table in front of them.

“Of course.”

Ada is surprised again by his gentleness when he pulls out the chair for her, and Bora has to suppress his smile. She is as astonished as she was earlier when he told her to wait in the car, so he can open the door for her. It’s so fun to surprise Miss Güneş. Especially because her cheeks get a bit red.

Looking directly at her after sitting down, Bora takes off his breton and jacket, and Ada decides to do the same thing.

Fuck, I’m going to hell tonight, he thinks, running a hand through his hair desperately. Her dress, her hair, her energy… Everything about her is flawless.

“I know the perfect-” But before he can finish his sentence İhsan, amca comes to their table smiling.

It took Bora three months to find this place, and he's never been disappointed by the food. Truth be told, he doesn't come as often as he would in other circumstances. The loneliness hits him three times harder every time he leaves. And he usually ends up video calling Elif right before she goes to school the next day.

“Ben sen! Kimler gelmiş! Evlat, nasılsın?” Look who came! Son, how are you? But he doesn’t wait for a response, turning his attention to the woman across from him. İhsan hasn't seen him in someone else's company here until now. “Good evening, menu for you?”

His broken English only makes Ada's smile wider, and she can feel Bora's glance on her. Like a flame.

Do I look English? She wonders, but she abandons the thought the second something hits her: he asked Bora how he is in Turkish. Does that mean professor Doğrusöz speaks Turkish here? Is he gonna…?

Her curiosity is answered a few seconds later by Bora Doğrusöz himself, who, without taking his eyes off her, says:

“Ustam, bize iki kuru fasulye.” Master, two plates of beans.

Holly fuck!

His voice… his fucking voice. And confidence.

Ada wasn't prepared to hear him speak like this. Far from ready.

His voice is deeper in English… lower, but his Turkish voice is so freaking hot! God!

And his smirk as he analyzes her reaction makes everything worse.

How can someone be so attractive?

“Ne içmek istersiniz?” What would you like to drink? When İhsan amca looks confused in Ada’s direction, Bora realizes he thinks she doesn't understand. But before he could say anything, she already opens her mouth, still looking at him:

“İki ayran, lütfen.” Two ayrans, please.

“Ah, hanımefendi Türkçe konuşuyor.” Ah, the lady speaks Turkish.

“Tabii ki. İzmirliyim.” Of course. I'm from İzmir. She announces proudly, and Bora finally breaks eye contact just to stare at her neck and one of her shoulders. While she spoke, her dress fell a bit lower, exposing more skin that her hair isn't covering. He can see the small moles above her collarbone better. They are so cute… he'd love to kiss them. Every day.

Fuck!

“Ooo, eşim de İzmirli.” Ooo, my wife is also from İzmir.

“Öyle mi? Dünya çok küçük.” Is that so? The world is too small. Ada smiles toward the man so sincerely and widely that Bora feels jealous.

Jealous because he's never gotten a smile like this from her. Jealous because he knows she respects this man -a stranger- more than him, especially after everything he said today. Jealous because he wants her attention way too much and way too often.

“Evet, gerçekten öyle. Yemekler birazdan hazır olur. Romantik randevunuzun tadını çıkarın, çocuklar.” Yes, it really is. The food will be ready soon. Enjoy your romantic date, kids.

Bora doesn’t even try to correct the man as he leaves, and Ada is surprised, but not bothered. This is not even close to a date. And she only accepted because she wants to make him see and admit how wrong he was.

“Ne düşünüyorsun?” What are you thinking? Bora is the one who breaks the ice, too impatient to wait.

He really has a different vibe here, Ada realizes. He sounds more relaxed. But she cannot let her guard down. He hasn’t apologized to her and it doesn’t seem to her that he has any intention to.

“Seriously now, do you think I'm so easy to impress?” She tries to be as serious as she can, leaning towards him, with her elbows on the table, close enough for Bora to feel surrounded by her perfume again.

“What?” He switched to English, too, confused by her words, closeness and scent.

What can she possibly mean? He asks himself. Does she think I’m trying to seduce her? Fuck!

“Tell me, Professor, did you learn a little Turkish from some TV shows you're watching and decided to practice on me?” Her tone, the exact same word choice… She’s imitating him… mocking him.

You’re a witch, Ada. A witch that drives me completely crazy.

He laughs. He freaking laughs. And the sound is so beautiful that, for a second, Ada forgets about everything else.

“Well played. I just thought we could speak Turkish for one evening… we are not at university. But I must admit I wasn’t expecting this comeback.” He’s shaking his head with a huge smirk all over his face. He seems almost… proud.

Does he like being patronized?

“So you remember?”

“How could I forget?” He can see that she wasn’t expecting this rhetorical question as her eyes get bigger. So green, so expressive. And he continues: “It was the first time we talked. I made such a bad impression, huh?”

He can remember her standing in front of him and professor Evans, asking about him. She was nervous but determined. She made him change her mind after all.

“Today wasn’t so different.”

There she is, talking about the elephant in the room. The reason they are here in the first place.

He crossed the line more than ever with his comment today, so he thought a simple apology was not gonna be enough.

“You’re right…”

Noticing the change in his mood, even though she should push it, Ada decides to change the subject. They’ll have more time to argue later, the food isn’t even here.

“And maybe I wanted to order something else, Professor. Why did you assume I wanted the same thing?”

“Well, you ordered Ayran for me, too, Miss Tözün. So eye for an eye.”

Ada doesn’t have the opportunity to tease him more because a young waitress brings them their drinks in a hurry. She looks a lot like the man who took their order, so Ada assumes she is his daughter. Ada watches her asking Bora how he is in a friendly way, then her… more politely. It’s clear he is very familiar with this place.

They thank her before she leaves, and take a sip from their drinks.

“Sana bir şey sorabilir miyim? Kişisel bir şey…” She hears him asking softly as they both place their glasses on the table.

Personal? Why would he be interested in her personal life?

The night is getting more and more interesting for Ada, but she can’t miss the opportunity to tease him again:

“Try. We’ll see if I decide to answer or not.”

“Why did you come to London?” Bora’s serious question makes her lose her playfulness for a bit. Of course, she can choose not to answer, but she can’t let her fears and past dictate her life forever.

“I wanted… some fresh air.” She really needed this change, she was suffocating there, as big as İstanbul is. And, truth be told, she always wondered how it is to study abroad, but she never had the courage to try this or even just talk about this possibility with her aunts.

“Fresh air how?”

“I wanted to try something else, practice my English, learn about literature in a city that has so much history… I wanted to take a risk.” It’s not a lie, just not the truth completely. But is omission considered a form of lie?

“I’m surprised. You don’t seem like an adventurous person to me.”

How do I seem to you, then? She wants to ask, but what’s the point? He obviously didn’t say it as an insult. And would she be ready to hear his honest opinion about her?

“I usually am more cautious, indeed. But I knew that if I didn’t leave then, I wouldn’t be able to ever… get out of that comfort zone.”

Her words hit him in the stomach. Because this problem… this fear ate him alive when he was in high school. He wanted to study abroad since high school, but he didn’t have the actual courage to do it until university. Leaving his home is a hard, radical choice. You’re not the same anymore.

Ada feels grateful when she sees İhsan Amca bringing them their food, which looks amazing. It’s not that Bora Doğrusöz is intrusive or made her feel uncomfortable with his question. It’s just that she hasn’t figured out her own feelings yet. And this is one of the main reasons why she can’t write properly lately.

They spend the next few minutes eating in silence. She can easily see curiosity in the way he looks at her, but she chooses to ignore it.

The food taste so good, the smell is so familiar… so home, that Ada feels a hole in her chest.

Kendine gel, Ada. You’re not gonna cry because of this, are you? Kendine gel!

“Beğendin mi? Burası bana evdeymişim gibi hissettiriyor.” Did you like it? This place makes me feel like I'm at home. Bora’s voice is soft -the softest she’s heard until now-. And he chose to speak Turkish! She feels so happy even though it’s just for tonight.

“Evet, yemekler gerçekten çok güzel ve İhsan amca da çok iyi bir adama benziyor.” Yes, the food is really good and uncle İhsan seems like a very nice man. As he takes another bite, Ada feels the need to ask him: “En sevdiğin yemek kuru fasülye mi?” Is your favorite food dried beans?

“Yok… Zeytinyağlı taze fasülye. Her gün yiyebilirim.” No… Fresh beans with olive oil. I can eat it every day. Then he smiles, but not as widely as before. “Kimse babam gibi yemek yapamaz.” Nobody can cook like my father.

Oh… 

“Baban yemek yapmayı biliyor mu ki?” Does your father know how to cook? She knows she shouldn’t continue this. It’s getting too personal, and he might end up hurting her again because he was clear about wanting to be as distant as possible. But he started this, right?

“Sadece bu yemeği yapabiliyor. Ailem yemek yapmayı pek bilmez.” He can only cook this dish. My family doesn't know how to cook.

“Onları iyi anlıyorum.” I understand them well. Ada says without thinking, and noticing her expression, Bora realizes she actually feels comfortable around him.

She isn’t that rigid anymore. Maybe she’s close to forgiving him.

“Demek yapamayacağın bir şeyler de var.” So there's something you can't do.

If he was another man, she would really think he is flirting.

“Haha, çok komik. Yapabildiğim birkaç yemek var.” Haha, very funny. There are a few dishes that I can cook.

Well, I cook pretty decently. We would manage, Bora thinks, and when he realizes what ran through his mind, he closes his eyes for a few seconds. He needs to find a way to stop this.

“You have a bit of food on the corner of your lips.”

Bora takes a wipe from the table, lifting it to the right corner of his mouth. “Here?”

“No, on the left.” Ada watches him wipe his cheek, his chin, and his bottom lip, but he misses exactly the dirty spot she pointed out. Suddenly, Ada raises from her seat, making Bora freeze. She’s so close. “Let me…”

Taking the napkin from his trembling hand, she manages to clean the corner of his mouth in a few seconds without touching his skin. But something catches her eye, so she continues to wipe the skin around his mouth. Just to stare.

Bora Doğrusöz has two scars. One close to the corner of his eye and one under it. They are too close to his eye, which makes her wonder if his sight is affected… deteriorated in any way.

Ada has to bite her tongue because of the image that comes to her mind: his face covered in blood. So much blood.

Was it a car accident?

When she finally puts down the napkin, she hears him whispering:

“Teşekkür ederim.”

Bora could barely breathe with her so close. If he had leaned down just a tiny bit, he could have just kissed her. The idea of finally finding out how she tastes drives him insane.

But he knows why it took her so long, and, honestly, he expected her to ask about his scars. Yet she didn’t. Maybe she thinks he wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing it with her. Or perhaps he is so overwhelmed by her smell, her beauty, and intelligence that he imagines things.

A story for another time I guess.

“Rica ederim.”

“Ada?”

“Efendim?”

Unable to contain himself, as she sits back, he remarks in a low voice:

“Çok güzelsin… yani bu gece. İhsan amca muhtemelen neden burada benimle olduğunu merak ediyordur.” You're so beautiful… I mean tonight. Uncle İhsan is probably wondering why you are here with me.

Oha… She looks down at her thighs, trying hard not to smile. He complimented her!

“Merak etmekte çok haklı.” He is quite right to be curious. She chooses to play a bit as she raises her eyes to meet his again. “Ama teşekkür ederim. Siz de çok yakışıklınız, Professor… yani bu gece.” But thank you. You're very handsome too, Professor… I mean tonight.

Before he can say anything else, probably in the same direction, the screen of his home lightens up a bit. When Bora sees who sent him a message, he immediately checks it.

“I wouldn’t have looked, but it was an urgent message from my agent.”

Ada takes a sip from her Ayran and nods.

He probably means his literacy agent. Too eager and curious to find out more, she can’t help herself but ask:

“You’re writing another book?”

“Let’s say I am.” But even though Bora doesn’t betray any feelings, as he speaks, Ada can sense something is off.

“Is it a spin-off? If I can ask, of course.”

“You read Tabuttan?”

He’s surprised. So surprised. And nervous.

If she read it, what did she think about it?

“A part of it, but it’s really dark and consuming, so I need to digest it properly. My time-”

“Yeah, you have a lot on your plate.” He interrupts her, nodding. He is a bit disappointed, but, at the same time, relieved. Miss Tözün is a severe critique.

“But I enjoy the style. It’s just that… Boşver.”

“You can’t start and not finish, Miss Tözün. Imagine if I gave you feedback like this at the course: ‘it’s good, but the vocabulary…’; you would hate it.”

And he’s right, she would absolutely hate it. Because what’s the point?

“You’re right. But I thought we had enough negativity for today.”

She’s shading him again. Well deserved, but still shading. What was he thinking accusing her of trying to fulfill some kind of fantasy?

“Well… it’s your turn. Hit me with your bad review.”

It takes Ada a couple of seconds to say something, trying to choose her words carefully.

“I can’t completely empathize with any of your characters. It’s not even the bitterness they all possess, nor the radicality they see the world with. They really give me: I’m fictional vibes because I can’t imagine meeting people that have only one or max two layers. You didn’t present them as a whole…”

She can see immediately he doesn’t take too well what she’s just said by the way he sighs.

“Maybe this was the purpose.” His tone is so bitter as if Ada tries to hurt him.

“I don’t believe this.” She responds quickly, without thinking twice.

“Why?”

“I sensed the defensiveness in your tone. It’s obvious this book is personal to you in a way I might never realize, but it shows the lack of understanding you have, with all due respect.”

Bora leans towards her over the table, all animated and red:

“So you mean that I don’t understand the people, Miss Tözün?”

“You want me to be honest?”

“Yes!” The answer comes instantly like a cry.

“You don’t really form a connection with people. You assume you read them well enough at first sight, but you’re probably wrong most of the time. You don’t open up.” She takes a deep breath just to let her words sink a little, hoping he understands, before she continues with what it’s been on her mind all evening: “Look at this dinner, for example. There was no need for it, you could have just simply apologized.” She waves her hands around. “Three words, Professor, that’s how simple it would have been. But I guess you’re just too proud.”

Pride… Bora has always known he is a proud person, but not vain. And being proud is so helpful in many situations. But he tries to be a balanced person.

“Well, Miss Tözün, where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation. And I thought actions speak louder than words.”

He didn’t! He hasn’t just quoted Mr. Darcy! How dares he?!!

And if it’s not about pride, then how is he so blind? A man that met so many people, visited so many places…

“Sometimes, professor, words mean more than actions. Especially from a real writer.”

And this? This makes Bora Doğrusöz freeze. Just like that. And it’s not only because she brought back his words in one form or another from their first meeting:

I am a writer, Miss Tözün. I understand how writer's block works, but you're not a writer.

They spend the next few minutes in silence as they wait for their bill to come. Bora has no idea what he can say to make it right now. She obviously doesn’t give a damn about this night.

You hurt her dignity and pride with your words, Bora. And she is absolutely right: Sometimes, words mean more than actions. 

When İhsan amca comes, they both thank him warmly for the food and the atmosphere.

It really reminds Ada of home, which she misses more and more every day.

The man nods and smiles, telling them they’re welcome to come anytime before he leaves.

Bora gets the bill before Ada can even extend her hand.

“Can you tell me how much–” She quickly moves to grab her purse, but Bora interrupts her firmly:

“You’re not paying.”

“I am paying.” She finally gets her wallet out, not letting him have the last word. She ate here, she’s gonna pay for herself. 

“Miss Tözün!”

“Professor!”

“Ada, I am serious. Put your wallet back into your bag, you’re not paying. I asked you to accompany me, it was my pleasure. Please, stop fighting.” His tone is genuine, determined, but soft, at the same time. It reminds her of the first time he offered to take her home after the course:

Don’t be stubborn, you won’t win.

But she wants to be stubborn: “I don’t like it, I want to–”

“You fed me once.”

“What?” She asks immediately, surprised.

“At the restaurant you’re working at when I came to bring you the contract. You didn’t let me pay for anything. Your gesture… I could never forget it.”

This kindness… the gesture of someone paying for him is something Bora never experienced before Ada. He is ashamed to admit he kept the food packaging for a few days.

“Professor…” He managed to surprise her. She’s never expected him to remember that small thing. And the last thing Ada wants him to feel is like he owes her anything. She did it with all her heart.

“It’s not about payback. Do you think I can’t afford to pay for a meal? This is something I want to do.”

Ada immediately recognizes her own words and she knows there is no point in fighting him. She really won’t win this.

And don’t insist or I’ll feel offended. Do you think I can’t afford to pay for a meal?

“Of!”

Smiling after seeing she accepts her defeat, Bora pays for their meal and leaves a generous tip for İhsan amca. Then, he helps Ada put on her coat without staring too much at her collarbone.

They silently leave the restaurant, trying to avoid each other’s eyes as much as they can. When they reach the car, though, Bora tells her to wait and opens the door for her gently.

“Thank you.”

And as she gets inside, Bora doesn’t leave. On the contrary, surprisingly, he leans towards her: “Ada?” His voice is a soft whisper. “I deeply apologize.”

“What?”

Ada is so confused and overwhelmed by his closeness… his face, smell, and voice. It feels like it’s too much. Yet, not enough.

“I’m sorry for today, for the day you came later and, of course, for our first meeting. I apologize for making you feel bad, I was a jerk. You don’t deserve this.” He looks straight into her eyes, wanting her to see his genuine regret. “And, to be honest, I believe that you have such great potential… Forget what I said about being a ‘real writer’. Being published doesn’t make you real. Your ability to understand the world and write about it… This is the type of gift that a real writer has. And this is something I don’t possess, so I guess I should learn from you, too.”

You’re forgiven, Bora Doğrusöz. 

Chapter Text

The silence is never a good sign when it comes to her aunts, especially Nergis. She’s either angry, disappointed, or tired. Maybe all three at the same time. And even though Ada should have gotten used to this type of attitude, there is something inside her that shatters. The last thing she wants is to hurt her only family.

“Did you hear me, teyzoş?” Her voice is soft, as she tries to hide her frustration.

She’s never let her aunts see her crying ever since her parents died. When she was four, she began to hide in her parents’ closet. She did it to wait for her dad to come and find her, so she can meet him for the first time. She waited and waited and waited. Every day. Until her mom found her there and explained to her that her dad flew too high, so he can’t ever come back… Then to smell her mother’s favorite sweater. And then just to cry... Her aunts were very protective and they were panicking every time they saw her doing the smallest things. She didn't want to make them worry, so that became her safe place.

“Of course I heard you, Ada.”

“Okay, but did you listen to me?”

She spent the last ten minutes explaining to Nergis how important this is for her. That Bora Doğrusöz, who wrote Tabuttan, which even her aunt heard about, considered her short scene the best. Of course, he gave her negative feedback, too, like: too many adjectives to describe x or y sentence was too short and z was too long. But she actually agrees with every point he made and she is taking everything into consideration.

“You won a contest.”

It's not just a contest…  She sighs.

“Yes, a writing contest, teyze.”

“That sounds great, Adacım.” But she's obviously distracted. “Aslan, tell her to get that to… yes!”

One of the things Ada hates the most is when people talk with others while they're on the phone. It's a sign of impoliteness from her point of view. You're either paying attention for five minutes to me or you shouldn't call.

“Teyzoş, I better go-”

“Wait. Have you thought about what we talked about last time?” Nergis interrupted her, but Ada can still hear different sounds in the background.

“What?”

“About returning home after you finish.”

Of course she didn't let it go. When did her aunts ever let something go?

“I’ve just told you I won a contest, teyze. Returning home is the last thing on my mind. Bora Doğrusöz chose my work over other fifteen people’s works. This means so much.”

She has no idea. Hearing compliments from Bora Doğrusöz doesn't compare to anything else. She knows how high his standards are, and she is happy she can learn from him.

She misses her family and Selin, but she didn't think for a second that she would return to live in Bursa.

“Ada, kuzum, you know I love you and I want the best for you.”

“I…” I know, but you don't support me enough. She bites her cheek to keep herself from saying it out loud.

“That’s why I think you should come back to Bursa.”

“Teyze, we talked about this. I like my apartment in İstanbul. Selin is there, too. It’s also a bigger city, I could get hired much fast-”

“Come back to Bursa.” The direct approach surprises Ada, but the words that follow shock her even more. “We’ll get a loan and open a coffee shop for you.”

“What?” She obviously talks too loud because the driver gives her a look again, but she doesn't care. She can't believe Nergis really suggested that to her.

“You can keep writing as a hobby, and you’ll have a real job.”

A real job ? As if writing isn't a real job…

She doesn't even know how to react. The urge to cry is huge, but she also has an instinct to laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Because some things never change. She is still a kid with crazy dreams from her family's point of view and she can't change that no matter how many contests she wins or how many countries she goes to live in, or how high her grades her.

Her passions are not realistic…

“It was nice talking to you, teyze, but I really need to hang up. I told you we are going to Oxford today.”

“Be careful and think about what I suggested. I just miss you so much.”

“Me, too.” Her voice is a whisper. “Goodbye, teyze.” Ada is a whisper…

*

The train station is almost full, so getting Bora's number the previous day was a good idea. It would have been hard to find him otherwise, the internet connection isn't the best and he might have not seen her Insta message.

Sitting down as she is waiting for him to arrive, Ada tries to change her mood. She should be happy, she won a contest, she's going to Oxford, attend a book launch, see some writers… but her excitement from yesterday is all gone.

Why is she so bothered? She should have seen it coming, it's not like Nergis has tried to ever mask her opinions and intentions before. She likes that Ada has a creative side, but not for a job.

Not realistic. Not enough. Not financially stable.

“Hey.”

He's here.

Before Ada can even look up, Bora is already sitting next to her, their knees basically touching. The proximity surprises Ada a little, but not too much, the bench wasn’t big at all, and he obviously doesn’t try to be so close intentionally.

“Hey.”

“Are you feeling alright? You look a little pale.”

“Yes.”

“You don’t look good to me. We don't have to go…” She immediately looks at him. No, no, no!

“What?”

“There is no problem.” He gives her an assuring smile as if not going to Oxford isn’t a big deal. As if he didn’t pay for the tickets and announce his friend they’ll come.

She knows that he’s trying to make her feel better even though he has no idea what happened to her, but she won’t back off.

Am I that transparent? She wonders and decides to stand up.

“No, no, I'm good.”

“Are you sure?” Bora follows her movement and stands on his feet. She seems completely changed compared to their Friday meeting. Does she have any problems? Work? Family? Writing?

“Yes. Just in a little bad mood, no worries.”

She expects him not to say anything in return. He used to try to keep their interaction as short as possible, but he surprises her again. Just like he did at the restaurant when he seemed so touched by her simple gesture… He said she fed him.

“What happened?”

“Nothing really. Nonsense.” She smiles, trying to brush it off. “I… just never learn, you know?”

And it’s the truth: she shouldn't have expectations from her family. She shouldn’t have called her earlier, knowing there are high chances Nergis will ruin her mood. And she should be stronger and emotionally independent. She should have learned how to manage her feelings better, not just hide them.

Bora watches her for a full minute, trying to read her as much as he can. There is obviously something wrong and she tries to minimize her own feelings. He shakes his head. He’s been there, done that, and the last thing she wants for Ada is to repeat his mistakes and prolong her bad mood.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” He hears her asking as he turns his back.

“You’ll see.”

*

A few minutes later, they're both seated in the back of the train since they travel first class.

Bora hands Ada her ice cream as she finishes taking off her jacket and places it on the hook near to her head. It's a surprisingly warmer day than she expected, so being only in a shirt is fine.

“You really didn't have to, but thank you very much.” Her smile is wide and betrays pure happiness as she takes the cone from Bora's hand.

When he came back with the plastic bag, she had no idea what he bought. He told her she would see and kept it as a surprise until they got inside and found their seats and the train left the station. Two chocolate ice-creams.

“So no payment offer?” Bora starts to tease her while unwrapping his ice cream from the paper package.

He missed bickering with her this week. It's always fun to hear her perspective and get the worst out of her. They only have five weeks left out of the course, so he will try to provoke her as much as he can. She is a person who feels attacked easily and tries to close his mouth as fast as she can with great arguments. Also, her writing style is getting better. It's not good enough for publishing yet, it feels rusty… but not rustier than his, which is a good sign. There is still hope for Ada Tözün.

“What?”

“You usually try to pay me back. I expected you to say something about the tickets or even ice cream. Gave up?” He looks up to her just to enjoy her shocked face. She really didn't expect him to bring this subject up.

Good, I am capable of surprising you, Güneş hanım.

A few seconds pass with Ada being completely frozen and Bora looking at her until she finally shakes her head.

“You are not serious.” She smiles. “You're making fun of me!”

“Of course I'm not serious!” Bora chuckles, putting the paper package of their ice cream back in the plastic bag, without taking his eyes off her. “But I prefer the term teasing. I could never make fun of you.”

“You know… you didn't even ask me if I wanted ice cream. What if I was allergic?”

She says in a teasing manner to get back at him.

She expects him to change his expression and get more serious… maybe even concerned, but Bora does the opposite. He smiles wider.

“You aren't, but nice try. I just didn't know what you like so I went with the safe option.”

Safe option?

“I'm surprised.” It's all Ada says before she finally tastes her ice cream.

The perfect amount of sweetness: not too much, just enough to make her mesolimbic dopamine system get activated. She’s already started to relax a bit.

“I didn’t expect you to like chocolate.”

“What did you expect me to like then, Ada hanım?” He simply asks with a smirk, tilting his head.

“I pegged you as a vanilla guy, truth be told.”

Good thing Bora didn’t start to eat his ice cream because he would have choked as soon as the words were out.

“What? A vanilla guy?” He repeats to make sure he heard her right.

“Yes, sweet tooth and everything…”

Oh, that’s what she means, he realizes, shaking his head. What were you thinking, Bora? He scolds himself.

Of course she doesn’t mean bedroom preferences even though it sounds like a phrase with double meaning.

On their way back from the restaurant when he apologized, she asked him what was something he could eat every day and still enjoy, and he answered Künefe or anything sweet because he has a weakness for desserts that no one knows about.

But she does now… because he told her.

Ada continues to eat her ice cream as she waits for him to say something.

“I… like vanilla, too, Ada. But I also like to… try new things from time to time.”

Ada nods, her eyes falling on the Instagram notification on her phone.

“This is really good.” She is grateful for the taste.

“Yes…” He agrees when he finally takes a bite.

“Uhm.”

’Have a good trip with your idol, Ada hanım ;) ’

“Ada?” Bora’s voice makes her look up before she can write a response to Selin. “Can you hold this for me? I need to go to the bathroom.” Bora nods towards his ice cream.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

And not wasting more time, Bora hands her his ice cream, then takes his bag from the hook where he also hung his jacket and leaves quickly to the bathroom.

That bad, huh? Ada wants to laugh, but instead, she turns her attention to her phone:

‘Did you lose your mind? What idol, Selin? Get some sleep, I think you need it.’

‘Love you, too.’

Ten minutes later, Bora returns to his seat just to find Ada licking around his ice cream cone. Hers was probably eaten for a while.

She doesn't even notice him until he speaks.

“It was such a long line.” Ada watches him sitting down as he complains and blushes. “And I see you really enjoy ice cream, huh?”

“I'm so sorry, it was melting and I didn't know what else to do. It's so good… I didn't want it to be wasted.” She quickly explains while he's hanging his bag again, then hands him his ice cream back. Without touching his skin.

I didn't complain, he thinks, watching her half panicked, half guilty expression. She looks like a kid caught eating candies before dinner.

“I know, but I am sure you've heard about the concept of teasing before.” Ada immediately rolls her eyes because of his sarcastic and playful tone. “That's what I'm doing.”

“You're teasing me a lot today.”

“Am I not allowed?” The response comes instantly.

“Do you need permission?”

“Yours? Always.” He waits a few seconds for her reaction, taking a bite of his ice cream right where he saw her licking before continuing. “I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you can't handle it.”

“I am pretty sure I'm a big girl. I can handle many things.”

Fuck, what are we doing? He realizes how this sounds and shakes his head. He is sure neither of them intended for their conversation to BE so… flirty and full of double meanings. But it just happened. Everything just happens with and around Ada.

“Here. Finish it.” He suddenly hands her his ice cream, and she looks at it confused.

“What? But it's yours.”

“Yeah, and I want to give it to you. I got my sugar dose for today.”

Too much even.

“I won't say no then. I have a soft spot for ice cream, I can eat it anytime.”

As she finally takes the ice cream, her smile is so wide and adorable that he smiles too.

Good to know…  

“Do you need some wipes? You got chocolate on your fingers.”

Bora looks down to see she is right, he has melted ice cream on his hand, so he reaches immediately for his bag.

“I have some… Thanks.” Ada is surprised to see him all flushed as he wipes his hands.

It's just chocolate, she thought. No need to be embarrassed.

They spend the next thirty minutes talking about news, movies, and books. Nothing about their personal life or too flirty. But realizing they have common opinions makes them both smile.

“So you don’t like Tarantino, either?” Bora asks, trying to continue their conversation, carrying their bags as they get out of the train.

“With all due respect, his foot fetish is a huge no for me.” Ada immediately responds, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

I adore this woman is the sudden thought Bora has as listens to her talk. She speaks her mind freely but respects others' opinions at the same time. And she is a logical person.

He will miss her when the course ends.

“Should we call a taxi?” She suddenly asks him as they finally went outside.

“No need, a friend is coming to pick us up. We're going directly to the cafe.”

A friend? Ada looks at him curiously.

She's gonna meet more of his friends…

*

Ada was a bit surprised when she found out that the book launch is a super private one, invite-only just a few seconds before they got out of the car. Coleman Till is a close friend of Bora’s that publishes under the same publishing house that translated his novel. The readers that wanted to be present had to sign up a month ago and only 50 were chosen.

Yet she is here, at Bora’s side after being welcomed as a special guest and getting some Hors d’oeuvres.

The first special speaker has just finished praising Coleman’s thriller writing skills and they have a short ten minutes break.

As much as Ada loves being surrounded by books and authors, she is very bored. And Bora seems just like her, playing around with a pen as he draws on the bookmark, making Coleman’s face unrecognizable.

“Ada?”

“Yes?” She whispers back.

“I know this might sound weird because this is your reward, but would you mind if we leave?”

The question makes Ada turn completely towards him, surprised by his proposal. Is he serious?

“What?”

“I’m… bored. I never have enough patience for these events. So would you mind?”

He knows it’s a bit selfish of him to ask that because this is supposed to be her experience, but they can use this time to visit around. They can walk and talk more if they leave now. And Coleman wouldn't mind anyway because he feels the same way about book launches. If the publishing house hadn’t demanded this event, it wouldn’t have existed.

“You’re sure? Wouldn’t he be bothered by you leaving?” Truth be told, Ada is really glad that he suggested this.

“Trust me, no problem. But before we leave, let’s get our books signed.”

“But the signing session starts in one hour.”

“Good thing we have priority.” He winks at her and stands up, taking his book and his bag.

“Hey, don’t forget your jacket!” Ada says a bit louder as she sees him turning around.

“Ah, thanks.”

They find Coleman standing at the window on his phone 

“Hey, what are you doing? Having fun?”

“Bora? You’re leaving me alone here? Shame on you!” Coleman playfully scolds him, then he notices her and smiles. “Oh, I see. Hello.”

“Hi.”

“What plans do you have?”

“Nothing fixed yet, probably walking around. It depends on what Ada wants.” Bora looks at her as he says her name. His eyes are warm and big, waiting for some kind of approval he gets with her nod.

“Ada? Such a beautiful name. Should I sign for Ada or…?” Coleman extends his hand toward her, waiting for her to give her the book.

“Yes, thank you.”

“So polite.” Bora hears his friend murmur under his breath.

“Uhm, I need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

And before Bora can react, she’s already gone.

“She’s Turkish, too, right?” Coleman asked casually, opening the book.

“Yes.”

“How long have you been dating? You haven't told me about her.”

Dating?

“No, no. You misunderstood. She is my student.”

“At university?”

“No, at my course. She won a contest and this was her reward…” Bora is trying to explain, trying not to think too much about Ada. She distracts him too much already.

“So you’re mentoring her.”

“Huh?”

“You’re her mentor, Bora, not her professor.” Coleman looks him in the eyes as he speaks, watching his words sink into Bora's mind. 

He's surprised… like he's never thought about it in that way. “You know, she’s a very pretty girl, maybe-”

“Coleman!”

No, he can't go there. He can't!

“She is a Turkish girl signed at your course. You are obviously attracted to her. And she is what? Twenty-two? Twenty-three?”

“Twenty-two.” Bora immediately responds.

“Perfect. Make a move on her already. Or do you want to wait for the course to end? I know you’re professional, though, so I doubt you would give her preferential treatment.”

A move on her? Is Coleman really suggesting him to date Ada? After like what? A few minutes of seeing them interacting?

They would make quite a pair, truth be told. He can imagine her teaming up with Ali to Coleman or even Simon in debates or just to make fun of him.

Stop it, Bora. You can't do this.

“Nonsense.”

“What’s with this look? You’re not committing a crime, you know? You’re a handsome man, close to her age. You both enjoy writing and since she won that contest, she is probably good at it. So what’s stopping you? You’re twenty-six, not one hundred.”

Silence.

Thirty seconds of silence as Bora tries not to think about Ada like that. In his office, in his house, in his bed, at the publishing house. With Elif…

“Did you finish?”

“Okay, okay.” Coleman dramatically makes a zipper with his hands right above his mouth.

“Sign mine too.” Bora places his book above Ada's closed one, trying to change the subject. “For my mom.”

“Okay, lover boy.”

Fuck! Bora swears, looking around. Is he that transparent?

“Stop it, she’s coming.”

Coleman finishes signing right when Ada makes her way back with a small smile on her face. He smiles back and hands their books back. “Thank you so much. It was nice to meet you!”

“Very nice to meet you, too, Ada. And good luck. Maybe we'll be colleagues soon.”

That remark makes Ada feel so happy all of the sudden. And excited. Because the way he said it wasn't screaming politeness only. It sounded genuine… because he knows how hard his friend can be on people, so he trusts him.

“Try not to sleep, buddy.” Bora pets his shoulder.

“I’ll try.”

*

They managed to visit The Oxford University, then The Ashmolean Museum in record time and decided to take a cab to The Blenheim Palace.

The weather is warmer than they anticipated, so Bora put his jacket in his bag and took out his sunglasses as soon as they arrived.

“This looks absolutely incredible,” Ada remarks, looking around.

The sight is breathtaking in any possible way.

“Have you ever visited Oxford since you came to London?”

“No, I haven't had the chance since I started to work right after.”

She was lucky enough to find a job quickly, so she can't actually complain. But Bora can't help himself but ask:

“Have you tried to apply to local news companies here?”

What?

“To write?”

“Yes. You told me you've been rejected before, but have you tried smaller companies? I know a nice local group that translates news from English to Turkish for the Turkish community and they even have a section for Turkish news.”

“Really?” She asks excitedly.

“Yes. İngiliLer. İngilizce haberler… It's an online platform. Check it out. Kaan, one of the editors there, told me a few days ago they're looking for two people. Wouldn't that be better for you? Schedule and experience speaking.”

Ada does so many things at once and it's hard to imagine what a day in her life feels like. She would learn so many things from Kaan and Selina.

His course will end in one month, so it will be nice to make sure she tries to find a job in the domain until then. Her skills shouldn't be wasted.

“I will, thank you so much.”

She quickly takes her phone out of her pocket and googles the company just in case she forgets.

“You know… you were very excited for this trip, but your mood was down when we left. I am really curious what has changed since Friday if you want to share, of course.”

Ada freezes for a few seconds, not knowing what to say. She clearly didn't expect him to bring it up.

“Let's just say it was my mistake. Because I shouldn't be surprised by anything my aunt says.”

Bora immediately remembers what she told him on the bench and frowns. I … just never learn, you know?

Does she have a self-blame tendency?

“Your aunt?”

“Yes, I talked to her on my way to the train station.” 

“You speak often with her?” Bora asks without thinking twice.

“Not as often as she would want.” She sighs. “My aunts are all I have.”

So her parents are dead? 

“I see..”

He doesn’t continue this topic anymore. He realizes that anything related to her family might ruin her mood, so he keeps his questions to himself, walking in silence.

She’s really grateful he understood she doesn’t want to talk about her aunt ad her lack of trust in her, also for this wonderful day. He made her smile more in a few hours than she did in weeks.

“Did you know this palace is named after the Battle of Blenheim in Bavaria?” He suddenly asks her.

“What? Really?”

“Yes. It was one of the major battles of the War of the Spanish Succession. And this,” He waves around. “..was originally intended to be a reward to John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough for his military triumphs against the French and Bavarians.”

“Gifting someone a palace sounds…”

“Rich?” Bora laughs.

“Fancy.”

Right after she speaks, Ada notices a few girls checking Bora out, not too far from where they are. Four girls, around her age, maybe a little younger.

They can’t take their eyes off him! Allah allah! Have they ever seen a handsome man before?

And without even realizing what she’s doing, Ada’s hand wraps around his arm, making Bora stop walking for a few seconds.

Shit!

She can’t back off now, but she can’t tell him the reason why she did it unless she wants to make a fool of herself.

“You are walking too fast. You’re… tall.”

“Am I?” He raises his eyebrows.

“Yes.”

He doesn’t move his arm and she doesn’t let go. They only smile, continuing to walk.

Until this guy almost bumps into them, stopping at the last second and smirking in Ada’s direction.

Ada doesn’t even notice him, her eyes staying on Bora the whole time as he warns the guy to watch where he’s walking. Then, casually, he takes off his glasses and puts them on her face with his other free hand.

Oha, bu ne?

“What happened?”

“It’s… really sunny. Your eyes might be affected.”

She only nods in response and raises her phone.

“Let me hold your bag so you can take your photos,” he immediately offers and helps her take it off her back.

She spends the next few minutes taking photos of the palace, garden, sky, even Bora when he’s not looking, and selfies. Everything looks incredible so it’d be a shame not to have any memories from here.

“Let me take a picture of you.”

What?

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.” She says excitedly because Selin will not bully her for only taking selfies anymore.

Bora places their bags near his legs and steps forward to take her phone.

“Gülümse!” He tells her and watches her smile so widely that he smiles, too. She’s like a sun. Miss Güneş, indeed.

“Let’s take a selfie… if you want to, of course.” She proposes after a few seconds with a shy expression.

She really wants to have a picture with him. Especially after the quality time they spent together today.

“Okay, but I must warn you, I don’t know how to take selfies properly, so you have to do it.”

“What? No way! That bad?” She laughs.

“Yep.”

“Tamam, I’ll take this one, but I need to teach you how to take selfies soon.”

Teach me? Ah, Ada, ah.

“Here,” He gives her the phone back and scoops closer to her.

“Gülümse!”

He smells so good, she fights the need to close her eyes when she feels his perfume and takes the photo, her fingers trembling.

Bora has to clench his fists in order not to touch her… not to place his hands on her waist.

“Doneee.”

“You seem really excited to take photos.”

“Not with me necessarily… I love taking photos of places especially and others because every photo marks a memory.”

So she wants to remember this moment with me, he realizes happily.

“Do you have a blog or something for photography?”

“No… but I use them as references for my paintings.

Hold on, paintings?

“You also paint?” He asks surprised and Ada laughs.

“Yes. From time to time. It helps me express myself.”

She was an artist in his eyes before, too, but now? Now she is THE artist and he didn’t even see her skills. He has a big admiration for people who can draw and paint.

“Just like writing.”

“Yeah, just like writing… Bora.”

Fuck!

“Bora?”

“I mean, it would be weird to call you professor here, right?” She leans down to take her bag as soon as she drops the question and Bora is surprised. She has a great point, but hearing her say his name like that makes him horny. Just a simple name.

Holly shit, I need help, he thinks shaking his head.

“Right…”

“Plus, you’re not really my professor, Bora, are you?”

“No?”

“No, but you’re my mentor.” She smiles, finally standing back in front of him.

“A mentor, huh?” 

“Yes. My mentor Bora, but don’t worry, it's just for today.”

Somehow that makes him upset. He has to shallow his impulse to tell her to call him Bora all the time. He wants to be on a first-name basis with this woman. He would truly want to date her, watch her paint, and talk to her about literature and how lame Tarantino is. He would fuck her everywhere and take care of her after. He would give her feedback on her writing. So many things…

“Just for today...”

But as much as he tries not to think about what Coleman said, the words keep popping up in his mind for the rest of the day:

You’re her mentor, Bora, not her professor.

Chapter Text

The words are flowing again more and more every day. Ever since Bora started to give them daily homework and she listened to his advice and applied to İngiliLer, she’s been finally able to write complete sentences without overthinking and deleting them. Even though she’s still waiting for an answer, she feels confident that if she gets accepted, she can do this. But she’s also sad because the course will end in two weeks. And this was one of the best experiences of her life. She will miss everyone, especially Bora Doğrusöz, who’s been more than a mentor. He is basically a friend. And after these two weeks, they will have no reason to keep in contact.

It shouldn’t bother her so much, but it does. She really likes him no matter how much she tries to deny it, she realizes after seeing him in her class. At university. She was shocked when she heard him say he would replace her Creative Writing professor this week. It was a different kind of experience compared to their meetings, but she tried to pay attention and brush everything off.

He always knew how to get and maintain people’s attention. They even addressed questions about the lesson, but mostly about writing in general and the publishing process. At the end of the course, a few colleagues decided to stay and get autographs. When she finished packing her stuff and got close to his desk on her way to the door, Bora smiled and waved subtly at her. In response, Ada just nodded before getting out of the classroom.

She wanted to stay and talk a little too, but she has an important meeting with her thesis coordinator’s assistant in less than fifteen minutes.

*

The last thing Bora expects to see when he enters the campus cafe is Ada sitting with Ezra Braxon, looking over some notes and smiling widely. He’s so taken aback that he just stands there, blocking the entrance for a few seconds until a student asks him politely to move.

It’s even more shocking when he feels the irrational impulse to just go there and interrupt them, which he does, petting Ada on her shoulder.

“Hi.”

“Bora?” Ezra is surprised to see him, of course. And so is Ada, who turns to look in his direction clueless.

“Professor?

“I apologize for interrupting, but we need to talk about something important, Ada. Privately.” If she knows he’s lying, she doesn’t show any sign as she only nods and excuses herself to follow him a little further from the table so Ezra wouldn't hear them. Hear him being a desperate man.

“Let’s have a walk…” He blurts out after a few seconds of silence, and Ada thinks she misheard him.

“What?”

“Do you want to have a walk with me, Ada?”

“A walk?”

“Yes.” He sounds so awkward and so not him, that Ada tries not to smile. She was in the middle of an academic discussion about her thesis subject and resources that Bora Doğrusöz wanting to speak to her is a shock. He wants to walk with her?! Where did this come from? She wonders

“But it’s quite cold.” It’s the first thing that comes to her mind.

“We can take the car… I can drive. If I’m not interrupting something really important, of course.”

He’s shy but also determined, and Ada can’t and won’t refuse him. She doesn’t even want to, she loves spending time with him (when he isn’t a prick and makes assumptions about her, which he stopped doing a few weeks ago) and she can continue her discussion with Ezra the next day.

“No, I mean…” Bora smiles when he hears her giggling. “A walk sounds good, just let me take my stuff.”

“So you’re coming?” He doesn’t even know how to react. Did he really ask her to come with him after interrupting her?

“Yes. Why… Having second thoughts?”

“Why would I have second thoughts? Nothing’s wrong, right?”

“Are you sure you want to be seen with a student though?” An excellent, rational question that Bora before the trip would take as a “wake-up call” to step back, but Bora from the present doesn’t care. The course is ending in two weeks, he’s going back in a month and he’s not her professor. He needs to stop behaving like he’s doing something wrong for appreciating and liking this amazing woman.

“You’re not my student, Ada, and we don’t do anything wrong, do we?”

She shakes her head. “No, of course not.”

“Good, so you’re sure you don’t want us to take the car?”

“100%.”

*

He can’t say it was a bad idea to walk because Ada seems unbothered by the way rain has been drenching them little by little. It’s a different kind of smile that she gives him the moment he takes her hand and drags her under the larger roof of the building they are passing. It’s like a smile that anticipates things.

“Your hair is so wet.”

“Your hair is wet, too.” He answers, still holding her hand. Her skin feels so warm and he has no idea how long he’s been waiting to do it… because now he can’t let go.

“The rain is so cold.”

“We’re in London.” His cheeky answer makes Ada roll her eyes. “You said you wanted to walk.”

“I did, yep. Water doesn’t scare me, Bora bey.”

“No?” He leans in dangerously close and Ada has to bite her lip not to embarrass herself and moan out loud. It’s crazy how the atmosphere and energy can change. They were talking about her thesis and the writing exam at his course, his writing block –which semi-surprised Ada–, and their trip. Everything was playfully friendly, and now? Now it’s insanity. Ada is so, so close to taking him by the coat and kissing him like she’s wanted for weeks. But she can’t. She can stare at his lips, though.

“No.”

Ada is completely taken aback by his next move. Bora raises his other hand to her face and touches her lips for a second before brushing her wet hair from her face.

What’s the worst thing that can happen? Getting rejected? He’s been rejected before. “Ada, look, I need to tell you something.” He really needs to because he dramatically feels like if he waited more time, he’d suffocate. “You do?”

“Yeah. I’ve been trying not to think about it for weeks… You know my control freak side better than I do at this point and I thought I’d take advantage if…” She is trying not to smile hearing him having a hard time explaining what is bothering him, Bora Doğrusöz - the writer and mentor. “Look-”

“I’m looking.” She can’t help herself, and he smiles.

“Good. I just… I thought it was an easier way to do this, but I suck at it big time.”

“Suck at what, Bora?”

He sighs, and Ada feels brave for a flicker of a moment and raises her free hand to copy his gesture from earlier, brushing his hair and stroking his skin with her fingers.

“I always wanted to do this, you know?” She pauses. It’s now or never. “I always wanted to touch your scars… I always wanted to know the story behind them. But I knew it wasn’t my place to ask.”

“What if it was?” The answer comes instantly.

“What?”

“What if it was your place? Would you like that?”

“Bora, I…” She’s so shocked. Do you realize what you’re asking? She wonders.

“I mean it. This is not a game and I doubt I’ve ever been more serious in my life, which should tell you something since I am the way I am.” He smiles. “I’m falling in love with you more and more every day. I can feel it inside my chest, my bones… everywhere, and every week it feels deeper and it reached the point I can’t contain it anymore. I think about you more often than I don’t. I miss your voice, your face, and your smell. I had to tell you this, but you’re under no oblig-”

Ada doesn’t interrupt him with words, she interrupts him with her hands finally grabbing his jaw properly and bringing him close enough to kiss him. Which she does: she kisses him.

She. Kisses. Him. And she’s so hesitant at first, only testing, that it’s barely a kiss. But when he finally takes her by the back of her head, it all becomes a fire. Tongues, and bites, and moans. And they both feel like it’s not real because they’ve been waiting for too long for this to happen. Because this feels surreal.

When they finish their kiss, Bora leans in with his forehead so it can touch hers, and Ada giggles.

“I’m falling in love with you more and more every day, too, you know?” She whispers against his lips, finally being able to tell him the truth without any fear. “And it’s crazy.”

“It is. But what does that mean?” Bora opens his eyes panicked and takes one step back. “Ada… What will we do? You still have another semester and I need to leave in two months and…”

“We’ll figure it out, okay?” She immediately interrupts him, knowing he overthinks as much as she does. But they should enjoy this to the fullest. They can overthink later when they go to his place or hers. “We have plenty of time to think about this. But not at this moment. Just kiss me for now, okay?”

“Okay, but first-” Ada feels his arms wrapping around her waist as he raises her in the air, twirling her around for a couple of seconds. And she laughs. And he laughs. And it’s perfect. She can’t believe it’s happening, and neither can he. This is their happy moment that can never be taken away.

“You have the most beautiful laugh I have ever heard, Ms.Tözün,” Bora says as soon as he drops her back on her feet.

She smiles, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing him closer to her face so she can kiss him again, and again, and again.

Chapter Text

4 MONTHS LATER

“Do you wanna know a secret?” She hears him whispering against her hair, making her smile. Neither of them knew if she could make it this weekend since she had to work extra for the Monday she took off when he came to visit. But she did.

“What secret?” Ada asks curious, raising her head from his chest to look at him. What secret can this man have? Did he finish his book? She wonders.

“It’s about our trip… Our train trip before we got together. Do you remember it?”

“Of course, I remember it. What about it?”

Bora hesitates for a couple of seconds, looking down before answering as if he’s ashamed. “I would have screwed the rules then.”

“The rules?”

“My rules.” She still doesn’t understand, he realizes as he stares at her all confused and curious. But he doesn’t blame her, he is the one who doesn’t find his words properly. Grabbing her chin, he starts to explain. “Look, I’ll be clear, I think I would have fucked you in that train if you wanted me to.”

“NE?” The response comes so fast, Bora can’t contain his laughter.

“Why are you so shocked?” His other hand falls innocently on her ass. “The ice cream and your laugh, your mouth, the passionate way you spoke... I had to leave. If you knew,” He shakes his head. “If you knew what was on my mind then, you would think I’m sick.”

And maybe he is because there’s no way he should have been so turned on that day. But It’s Ada… so even if she explained Rouché's theorem, it would sound hot.

“No way, I don’t believe you. But I really wanna know.” It’s hard to be really serious around Ada when she says things like this, and it’s one of the reasons he loves her so much. She is incredible.

“There was no line at the bathroom, Ada.”

“What?” 

“Yeah… what do you think I did?”

“NO WAY!” She covers her mouth for a few seconds, moving a bit in his lap, unable to stay still after this information.

Bora groans. “Yeah, I had to wank off in a dirty bathroom like a teenager to be able to… talk decently.”

For him, the memory is so vivid as if that moment has just happened. He can remember her comments, her laugh, and the smell of the bathroom. “I don’t know how you manage to do this to me, woman. I felt so embarrassed, I even kind of  stained my pants, so I had to use wet wipes.”

“Wait, is it because of the vanilla convo?” She tries not to laugh.

“Did you say that intentionally? Ada…”

“Yes. No… I don’t know. We teased each other a lot that day.” Her smile is getting wider as she remembers the moments they spent together, how he gave her his sunglasses.

“We were jealous a lot that day, too.”

“You were jealous?” She’s a bit surprised.

“We both were. We’re such children sometimes.”

“Excuse me? Being jealous in a cute way is not childish, Bora bey.” The pout makes Bora giggle. That is not the point he was trying to make.

“That is not what I meant, Ada hanım. We were children for teasing each other but not being open about our feelings.”

“I am not the one who thought he was my professor for weeks.”

“Fair.” He nods with a smirk. “But that day was also the day I woke up.”

“Is it because I pegged you like a vanilla guy and you wanted to change my mind?”

I pegged you as a vanilla guy, truth be told.

Ada and her double-meaning phrases… In response, Bora’s hands stop her from moving in his lap.

“Move a little more and I can show you what a vanilla guy I am once again.”

“You’re so full of yourself.”

“You’ll be, too. Soon.”

Ada gasps,  lightly slapping his shoulder. “Bora!”

“But you didn’t say no,” He comments and finally kisses her for a couple of seconds, his grip on her hips tightening unconsciously, which makes her moan. They’ve been ending up like this so many times they even lost count: from talking and teasing each other to fucking like there’s no tomorrow. Maybe the distance is a big reason, but even when they spend more days together, it’s still… desperate. And it wasn’t like this for either of them with their previous partners.

“Finish what you started, then we’ll see. What made you change your mind about being my professor?”

“Coleman. Besides the obvious: you’re not her university teacher, you’d not take advantage of her speech, he reminded me I am not one hundred years old.”

He tends to forget he should pay attention to his own feelings a lot. Ever since he told her about his sister dying in a plane crash and him not being able to say goodbye, Ada could see how affected he still is by it. When she saw him with his niece for the first time, it all made sense. He was like a dad to her more than an uncle.

“You’re not one hundred, indeed. You’re one hundred one.” She’s so serious when she speaks that she takes him by surprise.

If you want to play, let’s play, he thinks excitedly.

Without warning, Bora’s hands go from her hips to her belly as he starts the tickling process. It doesn’t take long for Ada to start laughing with tears. “S-stop. Stop, I can’t breathe.”

“You’re a little minx.”

“W-who’s dating an o-one hundred two years old man.”

Bora is incapable to keep it together. Her voice, red cheeks, and the image of him as an old, old guy are enough to make him laugh and stop tickling her.

“Seni seviyorum,” he says looking her in the eyes.

He loves her so much that words are not enough. She’s been there for him and she understands him in ways not even his family does. He is so grateful for her and he hopes he makes her feel like this every day.

“I love you, too, but speak English, babe. When we first met, the big Bora Dogrusöz refused to speak in Turkish with an admirer.” She teases him, emphasizing the last word. “A fan that was watching dizis in a failed try to impress him.”

Bora sighs. “Ada, I apologized-”

“Then you had to make me angry and upset so you can speak Turkish at a restaurant you begged me to come with you to in order to apologize.” She interrupts him immediately. “Ustam, bize iki kuru fasulye… I guess Turkish food was all it took.”

Her playful smirk and remark make him want to squeeze her ass, which he does, of course. “I was trying to stay professional.”

“Keep telling yourself that. Your eyes were on my boobs the whole night.”

“I checked your ass first, but yes.” Ada snorts, not expecting this level of honesty. Bora Dogrusöz admitting he checked her ass is something she didn’t know she needed so much. It’s great to hear it.

“When?”

“Every fucking day.”

“When was the first time?” She asks, playing with the edge of his shirt. Maybe she should take it off now, why wait?

“When you called me öküz at the door.”

She can’t believe it. No way…

“Oh, you heard that?”

“While checking your ass,” He announces proudly and pecks her twice on the lips, teasing her.

“Well, I checked your ass, too, if we’re being honest.”

“You checked my ass out? When?” He didn’t expect this at all.

“The first time? When we met.”

“What for?” She is well aware he fishes for compliments, so she comes up with the best remark she’s ever had.

“To compare it Henry Cavill’s ass, duh. Why else?”

“ADA!” He doesn’t grab her ass again as she expects. Well, he does, but under her pants and underwear unexpectedly, making her whimper. His touch is like a warning, but it also feels so good.

“Cause I was attracted to you and your small ass.”

“Small?! I work out!”

She laughs at his defensive tone. It’s so easy to get inside his head sometimes. “Of course you do, baby, but it’s still small.” And she loves it just the way it is. “Now let’s do something productive, I missed you too much this week.” Her hips start moving, and moving, and moving, and Bora has no idea how they’re going to resist until her graduation. Eight weeks feel too much.

“Fuck. Only two months left, baby.” Then she’ll come home.

Quickly, she takes her shirt off, still thrusting her hips to meet his, and Bora’s mouth finds her tattoo immediately. Then her nipple.

Fuck…

“Only two months.”