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Adam lay on his stomach with his head propped up on his hand, absently scrolling. It was after midnight- he really should’ve been using this rare bit of free time to catch up on sleep, or maybe his psych reading, but it was just one of those nights where nothing productive was going to happen. A notification from Tinder popped up, and Adam opened the app to answer the message. He flipped back to the main screen, and swiped through a few cards. Adam couldn’t imagine actually meeting up with any of these strangers, but he had to admit, it was fun to look.
The name Gansey, 19 drew his eye from a sea of Jacks and Allisons. The guy was cute, even though his profile looked like it had been put together with little effort, maybe in a rush. He had wire-framed glasses and deliberately untidy hair that gave him the nerdy-chic look coveted around these parts. His bio was blank, which Gillian said was a red flag, but Adam swiped right, just out of curiosity.
The match screen showed immediately. Adam went to return to swiping, but Gansey had already sent a message.
Gansey: hi. can you help me with something?
Adam rolled his eyes. This was going to be some stupid line, he could tell. So he responded to call it.
Adam: is this pickup line going to be an original?
The typing symbol showed up immediately.
Gansey: oh thank the lord you responded, it’s urgent
Adam snorted. This was going to be a bad one, for sure. Before he could respond, Gansey sent another text.
Gansey: can i use your Harvard login for JSTOR? i just realized i was locked out of my old high school account, and i need to read a paper that’s behind a paywall.
Adam rolled onto his back and sat up. This was…unexpected.
Adam: you cannot be serious
Gansey: this is, in fact, a very serious matter.
Gansey: my roommate says that buying subscriptions to journals is outside our budget
Adam: have you heard of scihub?
Gansey: i’m scared of viruses.
Adam: i’m not sharing my university login with some random guy from tinder
Gansey: (…)
Adam: has this strategy worked before for you? I’m very curious
Gansey: first time i’m trying it, but i’ve been swiping right on everyone for an hour without luck.
Adam: damn, guess I’m not special
Gansey: sorry
Gansey: but you will be special if you help me out!
Adam: (....)
Gansey: i know this is probably weird, but i’m a desperate man, Adam.
Adam: Okay, if you tell me the name of the article, I can send you the
pdf.
Gansey: !!!!
Gansey: Owain Glyndŵr's Grand Design: "The Tripartite Indenture" and the Vision of a New Wales
Adam: …okay
Adam: where should i send it
Gansey: you can email it- [email protected]
Gansey: thank you!!!!!
Adam still wasn’t sure exactly how he’d gotten himself into this situation, but he pulled his laptop off his desk and typed the title into the browser. An article on JSTOR did indeed come up as the first result, and it did indeed require institutional access. Adam plugged in his Harvard credentials, hit the download PDF button,and emailed it to Gansey. A moment after, he felt a pang of regret for emailing from his school account, but it was too late. Besides, this would be a pretty strange scam.
Adam: sent.
Adam: i have so many questions, but honestly im too tired to ask
He placed his phone on the bedside table and shut off the lights. Closing his eyes, Adam just prayed not to dream about the Harvard Celtic Colloquium.
Gansey: got it! i could kiss you right now haha
Adam saw Gansey’s message the next day and felt a little bad about leaving him on read, but it wasn’t like the guy was actually interested. Between classes and extracurriculars, the whole thing was shoved to the back of his head. He hadn’t even opened Tinder in a week when Gansey messaged again.
Gansey: hi sorry to bother you, but could you send me another article
when you get the chance (delivered 3 hours ago)
Adam: just saw this, was in class sorry. What’s it called?
Adam wasn’t sure why he felt obligated to apologize or send another paper, but it was probably the mystery of it. Now that he wasn’t about to fall asleep, the whole thing felt rather intriguing.
Gansey: no worries! DOI:10.5871/bacad/9780197265277.003.0001
Adam: oh, so this one is less urgent than last time?
Gansey: …ok i guess that one wasn’t urgent either
Adam: i assumed it was for writing last minute paper
Gansey: haha no just for some pleasure reading
Gansey: if i was in college i wouldn’t have this paywall problem : )
Adam cringed at his own assumptions. There were people his age who could have intellectual passions and not go to college.
Adam: oh yea that makes sense, sorry
Gansey: no problem, most people think i’m in school especially because
i’m not from mass
Adam: so what are you up to in cambridge then? Other than the fact that
it’s the best place to find students with institutional access
Gansey: gap year! my two friends and i were travelling for a while, but
Blue found a really perfect internship so the three of us settled down for the last few months before fall semester
Adam: oh that’s so cool. Where were you travelling?
When Eliot sat down at his table in the dining hall, Adam realized he and Gansey had been texting for half an hour. He had barely touched his Sociology paper that he was supposed to be writing during lunch, too wrapped up in Gansey’s stories about redwoods and car troubles. Eliot peered over Adam’s shoulder.
They laughed. “Are you actually on Tinder right now? Gillian would be so proud.”
“Shut up,” Adam said without malice. “It’s more entertaining than making an outline.”
“Fair. But let’s see them. I want to judge your taste.” Eliot reached for his phone. Adam sighed. There was no way he was getting out of this. He pulled up Gansey’s profile.
Eliot watched Adam flip through. He hadn’t actually looked at the pictures since originally swiping right, and he was seeing the profile in a new light. If Adam had to guess, Gansey had put it together solely for the purpose of his institutional login idea.
“Not bad,” Eliot said after a moment. “He’s giving me Milo from Atlantis vibes.”
“Is that your professional assessment?”
“Yes.”
Adam shook his head. “I’ll take it. I’ve got to head to psych, you coming?” Eliot said they needed a minute to finish up, so Adam pulled up the conversation again.
Adam: my friend says you look like Milo from Atlantis
Gansey: is that a good thing?
Adam: idk haven’t watched it
Gansey: me neither but i’ll investigate
Gansey: i asked blue and henry and they agreed :/
Adam: well you do pull off the hot academic aesthetic
Gansey: : )
Adam shoved his phone back into his pocket. Why was he flirting with this guy? From the start, Gansey had said he was just looking for academic articles, that he wasn’t actually interested in Adam. This was the only conversation they’d had so far that didn’t start with Gansey requesting a PDF. There was no reason for Adam to actually make an effort here. He resolved to see whether Gansey opened the next conservation with a topic besides institutional access before letting himself feel interested.
When Gansey texted him again that night for an article about Medieval Welsh dining traditions, Adam resigned himself to being nothing more than a Harvard login to this boy.
Adam: sent.
Gansey: you’re the best! <3
After another two weeks of sending PDFs nearly daily, Adam was starting to ask himself why the hell he was doing this. The first time had been a result of Gansey’s deadly serious urgency, and the second was out of curiosity. But now? Perhaps he just wanted to help Gansey.
Adam was kind of done with this, though; Gansey was just using Adam for his research project. He was probably reliant on Adam by now. If Adam wanted to end this strange relationship, he would basically have to wean Gansey off his university access. Besides, it would be rude to just ghost someone after texting nearly everyday, right? Adam wasn’t one to care about niceties in these sorts of things, but this felt different than ignoring just another person on a dating app.
He decided to wait a day before responding to Gansey’s next request, but the title was so ridiculously Gansey that it was difficult to do so.
Gansey: were you able to find it? (delivered 6 hours ago)
Gansey: i can try to send the DOI if that’s easier?
(delivered 1 hour ago) .
Adam: i found it. Sent.
Gansey: ah amazing!
Gansey: idk what i would do without you haha
Adam felt his cheeks flush. It would be unkind to ignore that message, right? Even if Gansey just wanted his help to read academic articles about Welsh history.
Adam: i thought you just strung random words together but it was a real paper
Gansey : i actually know the author!
Adam: so definitely a real paper, then
Adam: this guy doesn’t have better things to do than write about the color of
napkins used at Owain Glyndŵr’s wedding?
Gansey : if you count pigeon shows, yes he is a busy man. if not, then no he does not.
Adam: please tell me you attended one of these pigeon shows
After a long conversation about the British birding scene, Adam chided himself for failing at his goal. Sure, he had waited a while to respond to the text, despite the notification sitting on his phone and making him feel strangely guilty. But, he had engaged far more than he had intended; Gansey was never going to get the hint if they kept texting like this.
The next time Gansey messaged, Adam couldn’t help but text back immediately. This was because it was 4 A.M., and honestly, Adam was a little concerned about Gansey’s need to read peer-reviewed articles at this hour.
Adam: and why do you need to read “Three Forms of a Hero: Arthur, Owain
Lawgoch, and Owain Glyndŵr” at 4 am?
Gansey: adam!
Gansey: i was up thinking about you
Gansey: because i need your help to access this article !
Gansey: why are YOU up at 4 a.m.?!
Adam: i have a psych exam tomorrow
Gansey: sleep is more important than studying at this point.
Gansey: isn’t that something you learn in psychology
Adam: we’re not at that point in the syllabus yet
Gansey: ha
Gansey: but seriously get some sleep! good luck on your exam : )
Adam sent the article after his exam the next day. There. He made Gansey wait. He could do this.
Two days later when Gansey sent his request, Adam left him on read for half a day. After that, it got easier. Why was it hard in the first place to neglect messages from a stranger? Adam still felt it was impolite to ignore Gansey for more than a day, but being a busy freshman at Harvard was a simple excuse. Still, Gansey’s requests came at regular intervals. It seemed that he hadn’t found another person with institutional credentials to rely on.
During midterms though, Adam just didn’t have the energy to deal with this fine line he was walking. If Gansey hadn’t gotten the hint yet, that was on him. Adam deleted the app from his phone. It was too much of a distraction. And then, when trying to find his assignment to upload, he started to delete the PDFs of Gansey’s articles. No need to clog up his laptop memory with that.
Adam hadn’t realized a week has passed since last texting Gansey, though, until, unbelievably, Gansey emailed him.
From: [email protected]
Hi Adam,
First, I want to express my deepest apologies for emailing you. I know it’s inappropriate, but I just couldn’t seem to get in touch with you, and we never exchanged numbers. If this seems stalker-ish please feel free to block me, but I swear I’m not trying to be creepy!
I just wanted to ask you for one last paper-
Adam stopped reading. Did Gansey seriously email a boy from Tinder?! For an academic article? He doesn’t feel creeped out or anything, it was just Gansey, albeit with proper capitalization. But it just confirmed for Adam what he knew to be true, what he had told himself two months ago despite continuing to make excuses to text Gansey. He could ignore Gansey, but there was a better solution.
He hit send, then pinched his brow. Why the hell did he just send his username and password to a stranger to make a point? Adam was smarter than that.
But Gansey wasn’t really a stranger, was he? Why did Adam trust this guy? Sure, they talked almost daily, even with Adam’s resolution not to engage too much. Adam actually read some of the papers so he could talk to Gansey about them, and Gansey would make sure Adam wasn’t awake working past midnight. But he didn’t care about Adam, he just wanted access to academic articles, right?
Thinking back on it though, Adam was the one who insisted on keeping their recent conversations strictly about DOIs and PDFs. Although his messages started with access requests, Gansey was always the one who texted first. Suddenly, Adam was hungry to reread through their messages, to analyze Gansey’s words and savor their shared midnight exchanges. He grabbed his phone, then remembered everything was deleted.
Adam couldn’t help but sigh, disappointed. He checked the time. It was after 1 in the morning- Gansey would tell him to go to sleep. Adam shut his laptop and rolled into bed. This existential crisis could wait until morning.
Adam woke up with the realization that he had never finished reading Gansey’s email. He scrambled out of bed and to his desk.
From: [email protected]
Hi Adam,
First, I want to express my deepest apologies for emailing you. I know it’s inappropriate, but I just couldn’t seem to get in touch with you, and we never exchanged numbers. If this seems stalker-ish please feel free to block me, but I swear I’m not trying to be creepy!
I just wanted to ask you for one last paper- https://www.jstor.org/stable/40732052.
I was thinking we could meet up in the Boston Public Library and do some reading together? I know you’re extremely busy with midterms and classes, so I thought this might be a good first date : ) Perhaps noon tomorrow?
Love,
Gansey
With a sinking feeling, Adam scrolled back to his reply. It would be read as a clear, dismissive rejection. But not if Adam showed up to the date! He shoved his laptop and notebooks into his backpack, swung it over his shoulder, and headed out.
By the time Adam had stepped onto the train, he was shaking his head at his stupidity. Why hadn’t he just emailed Gansey back again? There was no guarantee he would be at the library without Adam’s confirmation, and besides, it was hours before 12. Adam tried to pull up the email on his phone, but the signal on the T was too spotty. This didn’t have to be a total waste of time. Maybe he could use the change of scenery and get some studying in. The BPL was supposed to be nice enough. But Adam was still angry at himself when he transferred to the Green Line, and 20 minute later when he stood at the entrance of the library.
The library was peaceful in the way you’d expect, with grand stairways and airy domes. He passed a corner with a printer and scanner, then on second thought, retraced his steps back. If Gansey showed up, it would be nice to give him a printed copy of the article. The sound of the printer working, releasing page after page of warm paper, was almost reassuring.
Adam gathered the pages together and made his way into the main reading room. The hall was lit with the warm glow of the elegant green desk lamps. He was about to plop his backpack down at a desk, when he saw a familiar head of tousled brown hair bowed over a thick book. The library was nearly empty at this time of the morning, and it was as if they were the only two in the vast hall. Adam walked slowly to Gansey’s table, clutching the pages tightly, close to his chest.
He pulled the chair from another desk to face Gansey’s and set down his things with a distinct thud . Wire-framed eyes met his, wide in surprise.
“I was just about to read this fascinating paper about prophecy in Welsh manuscripts,” Adam said, steeling himself. “Care to join?” He spread the pages on the desk.
Gansey raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t think you were coming.”
“I’m sorry,” Adam said quickly. “I didn’t read your whole email, and then I did- and hoped you’d be here. But then, I realized I never said yes and it wasn’t even noon, but of course you would be here before 10-”
“It’s a good place to read,” Gansey said, stiffly. “Have you been?”
“What? No. I just wanted to make it clear. That I’m interested. In you, that is.”
Gansey grinned. He had dimples that Adam hadn’t seen in any of his profile pictures. “It didn’t seem like you were. I had to keep asking you for obscure papers to get you to respond.”
Adam cringed. He really had done the reverse of what he meant. “So you weren’t actually reading them?”
“No, I was! I mean, the first two times, I really did need help getting into JSTOR. And I read most of the ones you sent. But Henry figured out how to get access and showed me how forever ago. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you, and it seemed to be all you had time for.”
“Honestly, I thought you weren’t interested at all, and you only wanted my login credentials,” Adam admitted. “And that’s why I only talked about that.”
Gansey paused. “Adam, I was texting you at 4 A.M.”
Adam thought back to that conversation. “Fair point. So what I’m hearing is you don’t want to read this paper.” He held the pages by the corner.
Gansey playfully grabbed them. “I actually have no idea what this is about. I plugged the words `Glendower’ and ‘literature’ into Google Scholar and hoped you wouldn’t notice.”
“I started skimming it, and it really doesn’t match with what you research. But I saw a new publication by that professor you like, let me show you-” Adam pulled out his laptop and scooted his chair to Gansey’s side of the desk. He clicked on the article, Gansey leaned close to see the screen. A window popped up.
PURCHASE ARTICLE ACCESS FOR $39.99!
“Don’t worry,” Gansey said with a sly smile. “I’ve got it.”