Chapter Text
Never in a million years had you ever allowed yourself to properly dream of going abroad; you fully believed you’d be stuck in your own shithole of a country your entire miserable life. That didn’t stop a few miniature fantasies from worming their way into your brain, but you had always done your best not to entertain them. What was the point on dwelling on the impossible, after all? It would only make you feel worse.
But life had a way of surprising you sometimes.
You’d never thought you’d get another chance to go to college again, either; not after the stunt you pulled right out of high school. But by some impossible miracle, you’d been awarded a full ride scholarship. You were still having a hard time accepting that, in all honesty – you more than halfway expected the administration to call you in any day now to let you know it was all a huge mistake.
And they did call you in... but not for the reason you had expected them to.
Your feet had been heavy as you climbed the stairs to the dean’s office. Pausing just outside the door, you took a deep breath and tried to prepare mentally. Then, when you pushed the door open, you came face to face with the dean. She was sitting at her desk, fingers steepled like a movie villain, which did nothing for your nerves. Your financial advisor was there too, as well as the academic advisor.
Not only were you winded from the climb, but your stomach was in knots. You felt like you were going to vomit.
“Ah, there you are, [deadname].”
The dean smiled at you warmly and gestured for you to sit across from her. You sat down gingerly, the squeak of the leather chair and the legal name that you hated echoing in your ears.
“What’s this about, ma’am?” you asked, wringing your hands and glancing at the two advisors. “There isn’t a problem, is there...?”
“No, no, of course not!” interjected your financial advisor. “Everything has been successfully processed. You’re good to go.”
“Thank gods...” you muttered under your breath as you heaved a sigh of relief. Some of your tension bled away... but not much. Administration had to have called you here for a reason.
The dean cleared her throat before looking between you and your academic advisor. “We actually have some good news for you, don’t we? Sir, if you would?”
“Right, right!” your academic advisor adjusted his glasses and fumbled with the manila folder he had been holding. “It would appear your request has gone through. For the study abroad program.”
Your heart skipped a beat or two. “It... it has?”
“Yep, it has,” he confirmed. “You’ve been approved. Now, we don’t exactly have a lot of options here...”
He was mumbling as he set the folder down on the dean’s desk and dragged a chair over from the corner of the room. He opened the folder and tapped the page facing up.
“But you have a choice between these countries. If you still want to go.”
Leaning forward, your eyes scanned the rather short list. Sure, you had half-dreamed about a couple of countries in particular, but neither were on the list. Most of these countries were Spanish-speaking countries, and you knew precious little Spanish. That was okay. You were ecstatic at being able to leave at all, and so they all seemed like good options to you. How in the world would you pick?
“Is... is it okay if I think about it for a day or two?” you asked in a small voice. “I do still want to go! I just... don’t know where.”
Colombia... That one stood out to you for some inexplicable reason. Your only guess was that it was because that was where most of your coffee came from. You had a huge weakness for coffee. But then again, that seemed like a pretty stupid reason. And if your practice had taught you anything, it was that the things that stand out rarely do so for the reasons you assume.
You needed to ask your tarot deck and patron gods before making a big decision like this.
Luckily, your academic advisor gave you a nod and a smile. “Yes, of course. You have my email, so give it some thought and get back to me as soon as you can, okay?”
You nodded and smiled back. Then, you got up from the chair and shook the hands of each of the three in turn, thanking them profusely.
You left the office feeling as though you were floating through a dream. Any minute now you were going to wake up and it would all fall apart... right?
When you got back home that day, you gave your grandmother the news. She was almost as happy as you, and gave you a warm smile as she squeezed your hands. This woman had been your entire world ever since you’d been estranged from your parents as a little kid – leaving her was going to hurt. You told her as much, but she insisted that you needed to go. She had stopped your curmudgeonly old uncle from leaving to study abroad in Europe when he was your age, and it was a decision she had regretted ever since.
You got up from your seat on the couch next to her, going behind it to give her a kiss on the top of her head before leaving for your room. You left your door slightly ajar as you retrieved a little black velvet bag from one of your shelves. You sat on your bed and tugged the bag open by the twin drawstrings, the cards sliding out into your careful grasp.
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Suddenly, you felt something cold nudge your wrist. Your eyes snapped open in a panic only to soften when they landed on your dog sitting on the floor. He was a big, fluffy black poodle whose dark-chocolate eyes were obscured by overgrown, impossibly curly hair. His nose was shiny and wet, his tongue lolling out as he stared up at you through those curls. You gave his head an affectionate rub. Leaving him was going to hurt, too. But before you went anywhere you needed answers.
You got up to close your door fully, locking it for good measure. Your ultra-religious family didn’t know you were pagan or practiced witchcraft, and if you wanted to keep the peace, it needed to stay that way.
Then, you sat back down on your bed, cross-legged as you sank into the mattress. You closed your eyes again and took another deep breath as you shuffled the cards. You didn’t know exactly what the question was that you wanted to ask; often, the answer would come first, and you’d realize what the question was after that.
After a good shuffling, you spread out your cards and plucked one from the middle of the deck.
It was The World card.
Your eyes widened. The World card is associated with success, accomplishment, and travel.
You realized that the question you wanted to ask was whether studying abroad in Colombia was actually a good idea. The World said emphatically that yes, not only was it a good idea, but you needed to go.
They probably didn’t need shuffling a second time, but you did it anyway. You always shuffled again after picking a card, though not as extensively the second time around. You spread out the cards again, already knowing the question you wanted to ask. Two questions, really, but they seemed close enough to each other that they could be one.
What would you find in Colombia? Why was it so imperative that you went?
You drew The Lovers.
You blinked a few times. The Lovers was a fairly self-explanatory card... but you didn’t really want to believe what it was trying to tell you. Your last relationship had ended badly, and subsequent efforts to find someone had not gone well. So you drew another card for confirmation.
The Ace of Cups.
The Ace of Cups is associated with creativity, compassion, and especially love and new relationships.
You frowned, picking at your fingernails. It was a nervous habit you’d had since early childhood, and it got worse when you were anxious. Your tarot deck was really doing its best to freak you out, wasn’t it? You didn’t know if you even wanted a new relationship. Your dog nudged your hand with his nose again, and you scratched his head absent-mindedly.
You supposed you’d see when the time came.
You lit a cone of incense and thanked your main patron for the insight and assistance in guiding your hands... even if it hadn’t been entirely what you wanted to hear.