Work Text:
You had only just sat down when a small cloud of Bliss exploded to your right. On your left the barest hint of a white dress just on the edge of your vision. Yet when you turned, nothing was there except another swirling cloud of Bliss. A laughter, carried by the wind.
“Faith?” It had been some time since you had last seen her. A few weeks. Some of them had been spend in the territories of her brothers, to be fair, but most of it had been here, looking into things. You had wanted to see her, and you were glad that she had decided to show herself. Or some form of herself. The Bliss still making you unsure how much of her was truly here. “Or should I call you Rachel? Would you prefer that?”
You had found some notes, some messages and, after a while even Tracey had talked to you about Faith, or, as all of the notes and Tracey had called her: Rachel. You had learned that she was only one in a long line of Faiths and that she had a troubled past – which seemed to be the norm for so many in the cult. Still.
You had liked her before; it would have been a lie to say otherwise. Hours had been spent with her, in the Bliss, just talking, huddling together, enjoying each other’s warmth. When had it really started? You did not know and sometimes you weren’t even sure if you had sat with the real person or just a hallucination she had conjured up in the Bliss for you, tailored to what she knew you would enjoy.
Yes, you had liked her before, a fleeting feeling that had become deeper as the time had gone on. Some days you had called it love and it had left you unsure. Coud you even think of her like this? Would she feel the same? It had been a present thought the last few weeks. But now, with what you had learned? Your heart ached and you wanted nothing more than to hold her in your arms. It was selfish, maybe, and maybe she really did not need you, but a part of you could not help but want to protect and understand her.
Soft rustling sounds pulled you from your thoughts and you turned just as Faith stopped next to you. No Bliss clouds. No smell of flowers.
“You are here. And it is really you.”
“I am.” Her gaze did not meet yours, eyes glued to the lake.
“Could I ask you something?” She stayed silent. Should you really ask? Would it be rude? But then again…you wanted to know. You wanted to help, if possible. “Are you still Rachel?”
“This is not what you came here to ask, is it? You want to ask how much truth is in all of this, no?” This time it was you who stayed silent. “You want to ask how much of all of this was a lie. That’s all everyone always asks me after all. And they ask and ask and don’t care for the answer. They have already made up their mind on what they want to call me. If I deny it, they will call me a liar, a manipulator anyway.” Faith looked over the lake and, for a second, she seemed tired. A tiredness that encapsulates, exhausting to the bone no matter the amount of sleep.
“But I care for your answer. I want to know.” You reached for her hand but just before you could hold onto it, she pulled away.
“Does it matter?”
“It matters to me.” And this time, you managed to hold her hand. Slowly, carefully, you pulled Faith down, seating her between your legs, resting her against your body. “You matter to me.”
“I can’t give you one.” She was quiet now, gaze still not meeting yours. “I don’t know myself. Some days I am sure of the fact that I did it all out of my own free will and sometimes it feels like a dream, like a haze and as if I have never been here. As if I am still not here, even now. Have I been lead to do it all? Did I do it all myself? I could not tell you.” She leaned back, head coming to rest against your chest. “I wish I could. Every day I wish I could tell where I begin and where I end but the edges are hazy, and I just don’t know. Maybe I don’t want to know anymore.”
One of your arms found her waist, circling around and holding her steady, while the other came to rest on her arms. There really was not much – if anything – you could say. But you could be there for her.
“Some days I don’t know if I have always been like this and other days I think that I have not. It is easy to embrace it, to just let it happen. If I don’t remember who I was I can’t mourn it. I should not mourn. I should be grateful…but.”
“But?” Your fingers were drawing patterns on her skin, an attempt at steadying her, at showing her that you were here.
“It is frightening.” Her voice was quiet now, barely a whisper above the splashing of the nearby lake water. “It is so frightening to not know who you are. When I was still Rachel, I – ” She stopped, gaze seemingly stuck to everything and nothing at all. “If I am still Rachel, no, that is also not the correct way to start. I just, I – Sometimes reality feels too real, and I know that there is nothing I can do to escape it. I am in it, but I am not even sure who this I even is anymore.”
“But who do you want to be?”
She stopped. Seconds seemed to flow into each other, Faith almost eerily still in your arms. And just when you wanted to ask if you had said something wrong, she stood up, shaking off your arms.
“Faith?” She ran, feet drumming on the grass until they had no ground anymore, until she jumped into the lake. One stroke, two strokes and she dove. The lake was quiet again. Before you had even thought about it, you ran after her. And just like she had done, you jumped into the lake, screaming as the cold water crashed over your form. But still, you dove down, still you had to look for her.
And like she had done so often in the Bliss, suddenly she was right in front of you. Eyes alight with emotions she reached for your face, hands all but cradling your cheeks. Her lips found yours, a soft brush, a gentle fleeting feeling just, before she pulled you upwards. You breached the surface of the lake, cold water making your clothes cling to your form. Faith’s hair stuck to her face, so much darker with the water drenching it. You pulled a strand from her forehead, gently tugging it behind her ear.
“It’s fucking cold.” Your voice came out stuttering, body still trying to get used to the cold of the water.
“Yes, it is.” Faith nearly laughed, pulling you into an embrace. “I don’t know who I want to be, Deputy. Maybe I am both and I am neither. Maybe I need time to decide, or I will never decide.” She quieted down until she just looked at you. Her green eyes felt like pools, deep and imploring. “Would you stay with me for it?”
You were sure of the fact that she must have heard your heartbeat and the way it suddenly seemed far too loud in your chest. That she must have seen the way heat crept up your neck, bashfulness almost making you look away, but her eyes held you steady. Finally you nodded, unsure if your tongue would obey you into forming words.
Faith’s laughter was clear happiness as she pulled you back out of the water. Letting go of your hand she did a little twirl, and it was then that you became aware of the fact that she was wearing white – as always. The dress clung to her form, leaving almost nothing to imagination. You looked away, trying to stutter out something intelligent to say but failing.
Faith took the last step to close the distance, before she pulled you in, lips already brushing against yours. For a second you stiffened, knowing on some level that she was distracting from the talk you had, but then you melted into her, into the bliss of her soft lips, as you eagerly opened your own to allow her tongue to explore you. A moan escaped you and a part of you thought that you should feel at least a little hesitant, yet the thought was quickly dissolved by her hands, roaming over your body only to stop at your breasts. You pressed into her, as she began to massage them through your shirt.
Almost, as if disapproving of the textile, she clicked her tongue. One of her hands wandered lower, reaching the hem of your shirt, before finally brushing past it and over the skin of your belly. All the while her other hand wandered to your cheek, lovingly holding it while deepening the kiss. You sighed.
Even if Faith’s hand never left your skin, even if your moans and sighs seemed to spur her on, she still held you steady, stilling your movements against her. You wished for nothing more than your shirt to be gone and for your bra to follow. To just allow Faith access to every inch of skin, to make her touch you. Yet it seemed as if she did not want for that to happen just yet, taking her time and all but humming in delight at every sound she pulled from you.
Her mouth left yours and, as she moved to kiss your neck, you could not help but pull her back, all but crashing your lips into hers. Hot breath left your mouth, ghosting over her lips, as you pressed into her. Once more, she broke the kiss.
“What do you want me to do, love?” Faith hummed, before resuming to kiss your neck. “Hmm?”
“Please, Faith.” Your voice was tinged with need. “Please. More.”
Faith chuckled, the vibrations running along your neck, making you mewl. She led you backwards, holding onto you, slowly lowering you until, finally, your back hit the ground. You were hidden in the tall grass, as was she as sunk down to you, settling onto your lap.
"You are so lovely." She plucked at your shirt, pulling it ever upward until, with an almost annoyed look for the textile, she pulled it over your head. The shirt was just gone but her hands already roamed over your body, and you yelped as their coldness hit you. “Don’t worry. They will be warm soon.”
You looked up at her, wanting to see the mirth in her green eyes, only to find them nearly half-lidded, mirth all but replaced with adoration and want. She leaned down to kiss you once more, chaste almost compared to the kisses you had shared before.
"Faith…” Her name felt heavy on your tongue, turning into a gasp when she finally pried your bra off, lips arriving at your breasts. You arched your back, hoping for her to do more to you, to touch you more, to love you more. Thankfully she seemed all too eager to do just that. And this time, when she leaned down, instead of a kiss, her mouth closed over your right nipple, finally giving it the attention you had craved. Her hands came to pinch the left and you cried out.
Soon you were putty under her hands and mouth. Whenever you thought she could not do more, she found another spot, coaxing you into moans, cries, and whimpers. Her name was on your tongue whenever it was unclaimed by her mouth, and you were sure of the fact that your voice would be hoarse in the morning. Yet you just could not find it in you to care. One of her hands had slowly found its way down your stomach, playing with the button on your jeans until, with a certain finality, she popped it open. You did not need to wait long for your pants to be gone and it was only seconds after the fact, your pleasure addled mind trying to keep up, that you noticed that she had pulled not just your pants away, leaving you bare under her exploring hands.
One of her hands found your thighs, drawing circles on the left, inching ever closer to your folds. A part of you was sure that, by now, you were seeing stars, your mind some kind of fried under the pleasure she was bestowing upon you while not taking any herself -
No. No. This was wrong!
You grabbed Faith’s hand, effectively stopping her, and earning a shift in her expression from delighted to a fair share of confusion. Your body seemed to share the sentiment, disappointed at the lack of touch, thrumming pleasure in your belly calming down – even if only a little.
"Faith. This is not – What about you? I should at least repay you.”
“Repay?” She laughed and for a brief second you felt embarrassed at your choice of words. Yet you did not get to dwell on that thought for long as her lips, calm but firm, founds yours. She smiled into the kiss, and you would have almost called the quirk of her lips devious. Green eyes never left you and when her fingers found your clit, drawing the first of many circles, you knew why she was watching you this intensely. You bucked up into her, kiss breaking as a strangled moan left you. You were fairly sure that there were tears, prickling in the corner of your eyes from the overload of pleasure.
"Oh, Deputy…" Faith herself was breathing heavy, each word laced with a lust that, in return, seemed to only stoke the flames of your own pleasure. "Let me have this for now. I shall make you mine. But this won't be the last time and who knows, maybe another day I let you repay me?” She all but giggled and you gave her a smile, which probably looked lopsided and stupid, what with how little you seemed to be able to control your body right now. Pleasure was ruling your brain, your body and you felt like a coiled spring, ready to explode. “But for now –" Faith pushed a finger into you, as surprising as it was cold, and you did not even get to hear what the rest of her words to you were, as you came undone, clinging to her as you came with a moan that might as well have been a scream.
Faith gave you a bit of time, adoration in her eyes, as she lazily pumped her finger in and out of you, allowing you to ride your orgasm out while never letting you come down from it completely. When she pushed a second finger in, while once more directing her thumb towards your clit, you almost cried from the pleasure that seemed to long have fried every nerve in your brain. Your body could only shake under her, moans spilling out of you with every breath. As her mouth closed around your right nipple once more before wandering down, trailing kisses over your stomach, you came undone a second time. You grabbed her arm, stopping her from her lazy pumping as you sobbed out.
" I can't." She giggled at your words, shaking you off with little to no problem, before finally pulling her fingers out. They were glistening with your juices, embarrassingly wet. Yet Faith did not seem to mind, licking them clean, before giving you a grin that was as devious as it had felt against your lips. It was enough to make you shiver again.
As her tongue hit your folds, you almost doubled over, hands desperately clutching and grabbing at her hair. For a second you were not sure if you wanted to push her away or hold her where she was. In the end you simply laced your fingers into her hair, nails all but massaging her scalp. Faith’s tongue entered you and you shuddered, legs clamping around her head. Every nerve in your body seemed to be on fire. Overloaded to the point of no return and you could only cry at the overstimulation.
When Faith brought you to release this time, it was with a groan that was more a sob than anything, as you weakly shuddered under her. Had your body not reacted like that, you would not have even noticed the orgasm that washed over you. Your nerves were fried, not able to hold any more pleasure, to show anymore pleasure. It felt as if you could not even move your legs or arms, body altogether unable to listen to anything you demanded of it, while your heart hammered away in your chest.
"Deputy!” You felt soft kisses on your cheeks, up to your eyes, which by now felt almost too heavy to keep open. "Did I hurt you? Why are you crying?" The concern in her voice was heavy and you shook your head, weakly, just enough so that she could see it. Reaching out, you pulled her close. Yet Faith rolled over to the side, opting to bed your head on her chest, were she soothingly stroked your hair.
"I am sorry. I got carried away by you and how enjoyable it was to make you feel so good." One hand found your back, circling in soothing motions and you felt as if you heard her hum. It took the effort of a lifetime but, finally, you managed to move your head to her cheek, placing a soft kiss.
“‘s alright.” You sounded nearly drunk, tongue too heavy and unwilling to form words. You hoped that what you had planned to say had even come out in any audible form.
“Maybe we should rest for a while?” She giggled, bringing your head back down to her chest and you mumbled something that might have become a sentence any other time before sleep finally took you.