Work Text:
Harcourt was trying to catch up on case files when Vigilante scooted his chair next to hers, scraping it along the floor the whole time.
“You know, if someone asked me what my ideal life would look like, I’ve got a pretty detailed answer.” He said, looking intently at her.
“I’m not asking.” She said, before seeing his face fall. She sighed. “But go ahead.”
Vigilante tilted his head towards Peacemaker. “It’s me and him, living on a little ranch with our six babies.”
She pushed the case files aside. “Right. Okay. I don’t know how to respond to that.”
“We’d teach them the most important stuff, of course.” Vigilante said, smiling. ”Taking care of the farm, the use of lethal weapons, the most basic, important stuff.”
She would definitely have a headache by the end of this conversation. “And how exactly would you acquire those children?”
“Well, since it’s my perfect fantasy, I’d give birth to them of course.”
She levelled him with a flat stare.
“Yes, I know that’s not realistic.” He theatrically threw his hands up. “So I guess if we’d have to kill people with children, we’d just take those children and raise them as our own. That’s better, right?”
It definitely wasn’t. “No, not really. That’s it?”
“Yes, what else could I wish for?”
A shake of her head and he looked almost bashful.
“Fine.” He scoffed, as if explaining something obvious. “And occasionally we’d get someone to babysit so we could go out and kill people. Only those who deserve it, obviously.”
“Obviously.” They both faked cough at that.
Or, so it seemed, as Vigilante continued. “And sometimes the odd person that got caught in the crossfire through no fault of our own or whatever.”
There was no way to get any work done until the conversation was over.
“Is there a reason you’re telling me this?” She tried to ask as politely as she could.
“Well.” Vigilante said, while bending the fingers of his left hand to an insane angle. “Do you think he likes me? I mean, we have sex and all, but maybe he’s not as invested in this relationship as I am.”:
That was a little surprising. “You two slept together? Like, fucked? Also, stop trying to break your fingers or whatever you’re doing.” She added.
“Of course we’ve had sex. Multiple times, actually.” Adrian said, finally separating his hands. ”He makes me say ‘no homo’ afterwards though, I think it’s cause of his masculinity issues.”
She couldn’t help but gape at him.
“But it’s not about that.” He continued. ”I could do the childraising, I’d be pretty great at it.”
“Somehow I doubt that.” She said. “But if you could, uh, go back to the having sex thing.”
“Oh yeah, all the time, actually. I just wish he would be more affectionate. After sex it’s always ‘no homo’, and he won’t even cuddle. I try to arrange little date nights for us, movie, takeout, but I just feel like he doesn’t appreciate it at all.” He looked a bit like a kicked puppy. He was occasionally adorable, if also completely insane.
“Right, uhm.” Harcourt hesitated. “Have you tried telling him how you feel about it? Or I don’t know, something like that.”
“I have, multiple times, in fact.” He said indignantly.
Harcourt was completely out of her depth. “Maybe do that again? Try talking to him about it?”
Vigilante gave her a somewhat manic smile. “You know, I just might.” He said, before picking up the table lamp, writing ‘we should talk about us’ on it and throwing it at Peacemaker.