Chapter Text
The night Pim first hears about the concept of Charlie and Alan dating, his best friend and him are on his sofa eating cold pizza, the whole apartment smells like pot —which Pim doesn’t even consume himself— and despite the fog of beer and a loud action movie playing on TV, he can’t conceive anything more exciting.
The only thing preventing it from being perfect is how Charlie doesn’t start the conversation, as if it wasn’t such a big deal. As if it was a fun fact Pim had to pull out of him by asking the most innocent of questions.
“Hey, wanna go to the movies this Saturday? That one about the guy whose hands turn into sausages looks fun…”
Charlie, high and kind of drunk as he is, doesn’t react immediately. Before replying, he sits up, reaches to the coffee table and grabs another slice of a pizza that doesn’t want to live anymore, but isn’t too fond of getting eaten either. He takes a bite, shudders like he forgot how not-so-good it is and drops the bomb:
“Eh, sorry, man, I’m seeing someone on Saturday.”
Pim’s body straightens without his consent, eyebrows raising.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you were on a break from dating? Wanted to be on your own for a while?”
“That was the plan.”
“What changed?”
Charlie frowns.
“Dude, are we gonna have this conversation? Like—”
“No no no, it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it,” Pim rushes out.
It truly is. He doesn’t wish to pressure Charlie into sharing something he clearly isn’t ready to share with him. His best friend. It’s just a bit shocking, since it hasn’t been that long since he broke up with his girlfriend —she broke up with him, but they seem to have agreed to call it mutual, which technically makes it mutual, in a way— and he sounded so over relationships. Not that Pim is keeping count, but…
They focus on the film. What else is left for them to do? The chat is over. Or at least it appears to be for a few agonizing seconds, till Charlie admits, through lips that don’t move enough to properly enunciate:
“It’s just… I’m kinda into guys.”
Pim’s eyes remain fixed on the screen at first. They do catch his friend thanks to peripheral vision once or twice, yet he makes the effort to keep them where they’re supposed to be. His hands play with each other over his lap and he reaches for another slice of pizza just for them to be busy on something he can explain.
“Are you?” His voice cracks in the most pathetic manner possible. He fears and loathes the idea of Charlie believing he’s upset about this, and every nervous attempt to express casual coolness harms that cause.
Thank god he doesn’t notice and simply shrugs.
“I guess.”
“You…” Pim clears his throat. Now he dares to give him longer looks, though they’re more terrified than supportive. “You’ve never seemed into guys before? Is this— is this new?”
Great, at this point, Charlie must think he’s homophobic for certain. He doesn’t let it show, but he must be thinking it.
“Yeah, I mean… It was at the back of my mind, y’know? Never had to face it or anything.” Pim nods along, like the awkward little critter he can’t help but be. “So… eh, there’s a guy now?”
“Oh…” He forces himself to grin. A little silly, considering he’s never been too wink-wink, nudge-nudge about Charlie’s previous partners, regardless of gender. “Nice.”
“Pim, you really don’t have to—”
“No, no, I mean it, I mean it! T-tell me about it. If you want to. Only if you—”
Charlie groans, rubbing at his temples and turning in Pim’s direction.
“Alright, but you have to promise you won’t freak out.”
“I promise, I promise…”
“The tiniest hint of freaking out and I’m out of here.”
“I swear I won’t—”
“’Cause like, I know you and I know you’ll be like—”
“No, no, I—”
“I’m having none of that today, okay? It’ll piss me off.”
“Charlie, please, just tell me, it can’t be that bad. I bet he’s amazing.” Amazing enough to keep it from your best friend…
He regrets to recognize, even just to himself, that he is freaking out. Charlie is blatantly struggling to say it, to give him the most insignificant idea of what sort of guy has made him break his ‘break from dating’ rule and accept he’s attracted to men, all in the span of who knows how little time.
However, he’ll stick to his reassuring approach, still nodding and smiling till his buddy is prepared. And soon, he gets his reward.
Charlie scratches the back of his head and grunts:
“Alan.”
Yeah, that’s… unexpected.
Pim blinks in polite confusion.
“A-Alan?”
“Alan.”
“You… you mean… our Alan? Is it our Alan we’re talking about?”
“Uh-huh.”
“As in… Alan from… from the office? That Alan?”
“Man, why the hell would I say it like that if it was just some random guy who happens to— Ugh, yeah, that Alan.”
“But how?” Sometimes, there aren’t better words to use, no matter how respectful you’re trying to be.
“I dunno, kinda happened.”
“Yeah, that’s clear, but—”
“Pim, you fucking promised.” He crosses his arms over his chest, pizza slice long-gone, despite how unappealing it was.
“I-I’m not— I’m not against it! Not that you’d need my blessing or something. I’m just surprised. I-I want to hear about it. I care about you.”
Charlie is positively done, looking away, but he doesn’t entirely shuts him down, so perhaps it’s not so bad to push a little. He has told him no lies, after all. He does care.
“Remember the New Year’s Eve party Mr Boss threw?”
Pim bites the inside of his cheek not to screech. That was a month ago! Had they been hiding this for that long?
He sure remembers. At one moment he was having the time of his life and the next one he was throwing his guts up. He left early, taken home by Glep and his girlfriend, and meanwhile… This was going down?
“So, you had to leave like… before midnight?” Charlie continues. “And I stayed. And it sort of… I don’t really recall that much. I wasn’t— I mean, I wasn’t exactly sober? We didn’t… we didn’t… make out or anything. We just talked for a while about life and stuff and I told him my ex and I weren’t together anymore. He… asked how I was taking it, if I was seeing anyone? So I told him ‘no’ ’cause… eh…”
“You weren’t,” Pim helps him.
“Right, I wasn’t. I don’t know, it all went weird from there. Like, I asked the same and he was like ‘oh not really, meeting guys isn’t very easy for me.’ And I was like ‘yeah, I’m not sure I’d do so good if I started dating guys either, ’cause women kind of naturally gravitate towards me, but not a lot of men seem to find me attractive.’ I-I didn’t mean anything by that, but then he goes ‘I find you attractive, I’d definitely date you’ and my mind just goes… eh, a really tame version of ‘choke me, daddy’?— Fuck, dude, why am I telling you this? I’m too high for this shit.”
Pim’s face is burning. For some reason, Pim’s face is burning. He’s astonished, in plain and utter wonder. Under all those layers of disbelief, something warm and magical impregnates his thoughts. Charlie, ever so cynical, makes it sound like the most mundane thing, but he can see everything, with the same clarity he can evoke an image from a film he has watched a million times.
He pictures them both standing at the balcony at Mr Boss’ mansion —probably too cold of a night for that, but work with him—, the snowy landscape of the infinite gardens expanding before them, arms resting on the marble handrail, breaths visible on the freezing air as they talk their hearts out. Two lonely souls finally finding each other, always unaware that what they were looking for —whatever it was— had been there since the beginning.
Pim would kill for a moment like that. He’s been hoping for a moment like that during his entire life and he should hate Charlie for getting it sooner, despite never expressing eagerness for that sort of experience. Yet he can’t. He can’t feel anything but happiness and a desperate urge to hear more, to collect so many details he can replay the scene in his imagination over and over. A pair of critters he cares so much about going through something so beautiful. And he’ll get to watch it unfold.
“What happened next?” he whispers, hands joined in a plea, a child begging for a bedtime story.
Charlie lifts a brow.
“Is it really that interesting to you? Since when are you so invested in my personal life?”
This hurts him on a physical level.
“Charlie, of course I’m invested. How could I not be? We’re—”
“Right, so… I think we kissed? —Don’t make that face—.”
“This is my normal face.”
“No, it’s not. Eh… Whatever, he actually asked if he could? Kiss me, I mean. He said something like ‘if I tried to kiss you, would you let me?’ ‘A’right’, I said.”
Pim’s stomach turns at that, a pleasant and bubbling feeling blooming there. Rom-coms had gotten him used to passionate kisses to shut the love interest up. Not his style, but beggars can’t be choosers. It’s not like he has a lot to compare them to. With this new information, however, he realizes the potential of a gentler tactic.
Oh, to be approached by a tall man asking for permission to kiss you… Or, well, Pim would be the man in that scenario. There must be women shorter than him, right?
“A-and did he?” he mumbles, noticing Charlie has said everything he meant to and he won’t be able to rest without hearing more.
“C’mon, dude, why would I even— Why would he said that if we— Ngh, yes, Pim, we kissed.”
“How was it?”
“Man, are you getting off on this or something? Like— why?”
Pim gulps, trapped between giddiness and humiliation. Charlie picks it up soon enough to fix it; annoyed, benevolent, sad.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you,” he apologizes. “I’m glad you care, even if it’s weird as fuck. I’m… eh, I’m actually kind of relieved, y’know?”
“Are you?”
“Yeah… I… Like I’m not super conflicted? But… It’s— it’s a lot, isn’t it? And I obviously knew you wouldn’t be all ‘Adam and Eve’ or anything like that. I just… It’s a good thing, that you’re okay with it. ’Cause if you weren’t… yeah, that would suck.”
Charlie’s hand rests on the space between them and Pim hesitates, wondering if he could hold it to make a point. The ‘I’m your friend no matter what’ point that he can’t word at the time, because it feels like it’s lacking something, like it wouldn’t be totally honest. At the end, he does nothing and their attention goes back to the movie.
“I’m so happy for you,” he adds when the topic is so old it’s almost irrelevant. Almost.
“Huh?”
“The whole… Alan thing. He really is a great guy.”
Judging by Charlie’s face, Alan might very well be a product of his mind. Stupid, stupid, stupid…
“Ah, don’t get too excited over there, buddy. We’re literally just testing the waters here…”
Pim’s chest sinks.
“That’s not what ‘literally’ means…” he murmurs, reluctant.
“Like, we’ve been beating round the bush since that party. We’ve texted and stuff, but… This is gonna be our first date, alright? We’re seeing how we make it work. If we can make it work…”
“So you’re not even a tiny bit excited?” This pains him more than it could ever pain them.
“Sure, I mean… optimistic? I just don’t wanna force it and, if it doesn’t work…”
“Which you don’t know yet…”
“All I’m saying is, you’re not giving me a hard time about coming out as not-straight, I hope you won’t make me come out as single?”
“I’ll behave,” he beams.
“Good… can we talk about anything else now? We don’t have to make tonight about me and the shit I do, and I’m gonna need at least three more cans of beer to comfortably discuss this.”
Pim enthusiastically agrees, welcoming the chance to prove he can be grounded and respectful. He’s also more than a bit afraid of putting the focus of Charlie’s relationship on him, if that makes any sense. It doesn’t matter how he feels or doesn’t feel. Charlie shouldn’t be thinking about that.
That doesn’t prevent him from lying awake in his bed for hours after he leaves, gaze on the ceiling, both ever so joyful that two people he appreciates have found what he’s been looking for since he first learned about love and vaguely heartbroken that he can’t have the same. Even if it’s mostly joy.