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‘How did I get into this mess?’ Youngbae thought to himself, keeping his eyes low and away from the deep sultry voice that was filling his ears. Every muscle in his body tensed as he tried to suppress the growing urge to follow the siren’s commands and be knowingly swept into the abyss, in exchange for a single moment of pure unrestrained pleasure.
Youngbae knew this was going to happen one day. He would be forced into a situation like this, where Daesung would be much too close for his own good and he wouldn’t be able to control himself. Bae only hoped he could hold out a little longer and resist the temptation to devour his cheerful dongsaeng, mischievous prankster, loyal friend and the sole object of all his pent up desire.
It was hard to remember when exactly he started to fall for Daesung. Youngbae and Jiyong were best friends, more like brothers, but his friendship with Daesung had also become very special to him in a different way. They hadn’t become friends right away like with Jiyong. Daesung had been really shy back then, and every time he tried to talk to the boy it was extremely awkward, but after a few months of living in the dorms together, they gradually started opened up to each other. It wasn’t long before their laughter was regularly heard throughout the dorm and eventually Youngbae started to confide in Daesung, sharing his problems or worries, to which the younger would always patiently listen and offer helpful advice. Bae really loved the times they had spent together. Their friendship was light and easygoing, but then one day in 2008 everything changed.
It was several months before the Global Warning Tour and Daesung was excited because he had convinced YG to let him do another trot song, Gwisoon, for the concert and he begged Youngbae to meet him at the dance studio to help him with the choreography.
Bae had been a little confused because he didn’t think trot really needed his kind of dance moves, but then when he got there he could hear familiar beats pounding in the hallway he immediately understood what his dongsaeng was up to.
Bae could clearly recall how his heart started thumping wildly when he opened the door to find Daesung wearing only sweatpants and a hat, sweat glistening across tanned skin as he mimicked the choreography from the dance break in “Look Only At Me”. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the way the muscles of Daesung’s arms flexed as he took the hat from atop his head and danced with it, or the way his nose scrunched up when he was displeased with his reflection, or the way he would sigh in frustration before he would restart the song and start again.
Bae took a step forward to approach Daesung, planning to correct his arm, making it more parallel for a sharper movement, but something stopped him in his tracks. The simple thought of touching the smooth skin of Daesung’s arm made his blood swell with heat. He froze in place, unable to stop his mind from wondering how the lines of Dae’s abs would feel when traced with the pads of his fingers before they dipped slowly downward. He felt the burning ache form in his pants, which was desperately begging for attention and he had to stop himself from imagining how Daesung fingers would feel grasped around him.
In a haze of guilty passion, he slowly backed out of the room, leaving without a single word, and returning to the dorms for a cold shower. He sent a text to Dae making up some excuse as to why he couldn’t make it and then went to bed, but not before he said a silent prayer in hopes that when he woke up this night would be forgotten. But when morning came, he soon found that some prayers go unanswered.
As the days past, he had desperately tried to forget his new attraction towards Daesung and act normal around him, but then the dreams started. So many crazy, hot dreams of him taking his dongsaeng. At first they all took place in that practice room. Youngbae would go through the moves with him, and then press his chest up against Dae's back while reaching his arms out around the younger boy to lead him through the tutting section, Bae's warm breath whispering the counts in Dae's ear, enjoying the smell of sweat on the boy. And then in an instance their eyes would meet in the mirrored glass and he would take Daesung's hand, leading it down the boy's chest towards his pants. Dae would moan, his head falling back onto Bae’s shoulder as both their hands took hold of him.
Every night he dreamed, the scene evolved little by little and a month later he had Daesung on the floor and was pushing inside of him, marveling at the reflection of their entwined bodies and the pleasured faces Daesung made when he found his release. Even when the scenery started to change, the dreams where intensely real and Bae would wake up every morning breathing heavy as his heart raced and his freshly moistened pants clung to his body.
He thought perhaps if he pleasured himself the dreams would stop, but nothing helped and the guilt he felt from fantasizing about his dongsaeng was beginning to get to him. It was getting increasingly difficult to look Daesung in the eye and he eventually started avoiding the boy as much as possible. Then around 6 months later, Bae had a dream where Daesung pinned him down to the mattress and confessed his feelings, before making love with him. He wasn’t sure what to think. Well, it was hot, and he had enjoyed feeling Daesung inside him in the dream, but would really be bottom? It was stupid to even consider. Daesung was straight and Youngbae had no intentions of sharing his feelings with him, so he forced himself not to think about it, and thus his dreams continued with Daesung sneaking up behind him in his dressing room, gagging him with one leather gloved hand as the other stroked his cock. He even had a really weird dream about Daesung binding his hands and straddling him while eating a popsicle.
The dreams kept intensifying as Daesung became more aggressive during sex, while in real life it was hard to even be in the same room with him, his shame becoming so overwhelming. In fact, he began to close himself off from everyone. He was so afraid the members might find out. What if he called Dae’s name out in his sleep, or got dunk and confessed? But mostly he was afraid of admitting to himself how much he needed those dreams. He was like an addict, enjoying a short amount of pleasure only to drown in guilt afterward, but he couldn’t even think about how empty he would be they ever stopped. Those dreams were the only way he could ever hold his love. Yes, he loved Daesung, with a love so strong it took every ounce of his energy to contain. He only prayed that the Lord would take pity on him, and take his love for Daesung away so they could go back to being the close friends the once where.
Time may heal all wounds, but it didn’t do a thing to ease his feelings or his guilt in the least. In 2009 he spent most of his time promoting with Jiyong or cooped up working on his solo album with Teddy. Bae could remember when he wrote “Take it Slow” pouring all his feeling onto the paper about how it would be if Daesung could love him back. It was the one thing he didn’t want to think about, yet the only thing he could write about with sincerity. The words just flew from his mind onto the paper and once Teddy saw it, it was a done deal. Jiyong would often give him worried looks during their time together, but fortunately his friend never questioned him.
Then in the beginning of 2010, Dae started working on the drama ‘What’s Up’ and Youngbae barely saw him at all. He knew he missed the boy, even if he hadn’t really talked to him in a long time, but Bae could still feel his absence when Daesung was gone from the dorms. He told himself to call or text Dae, just to say hello and check up on him, but never did. Bae had only sent one lame happy birthday text in April, and that was it. He was too afraid that if he called he might slip up and confess things over the phone that he couldn’t say face to face.
So now here he was on the set of their latest music video, Beautiful Hangover, where Daesung was looking particularly gorgeous with a tight black shirt stretched across his chest and an even tighter pair of black jeans. But the killer was his black leather gloves that brought back memories of his dreams and the way he imagined his leather covered fingers trailing across his skin. It was hard enough to retain his composure while watching at him from afar, but now Daesung was standing behind him singing into his ear.
“Kiss my lips…”
The words echoed in his mind as Bae made a pained face, hardly acting at this point as his mind reeled.
If only it were that simple, if he only could turn around and taste those full lips that he had been dreaming about for 2 whole years and somehow Daesung would love him back.
“Cut.”
Youngbae sat there unmoving for several moments lost in thought until Daesung tapped him on the shoulder.
“Bae, are you okay?”
Youngbae’s head popped up when he heard Dae’s voice, but immediately diverted his gaze. “I’m sorry” he mumbled as he abruptly stood and rushed off the set, once again pushing his love away.
When he arrived in his dressing room Youngbae sunk down into a chair, throwing his head back, eyes squinting as he tried to steady his racing heart, wondering how much longer he could keep this up. It was painful to see Dae’s sad smile every time he avoided him. He was such a coward.
A hesitant knock on the door interrupted his thoughts, causing him to gulp, knowing exactly who it was and how he was about to be cornered. “Come in.” he said his mouth going dry as he saw the brunette slipped in shutting the door behind him before approaching Bae.
“We need to talk.” Daesung said as he leaned against the counter top of the vanity next to Bae’s seat.
“I’m sorry Dae, I’m not really feeling well right now.” he said, concentrating his gaze down onto his folded hands in his lap, knowing that if he glanced up his line of site would fall directly on the center of Daesung’s tight pants.
“It seems to me, you haven’t been feeling well for a long time.” he said, his words dripping with accusations.
Bae swallowed hard. “I…well I…”
Daesung’s gloved hand reached out to cup Youngbae’s chin, bringing his head up and forcing him to meet his eyes. “Tell me Bae, why can’t you look at me? What did I do to make you hate me?”
Youngbae moved to shake his head, but Daesung held it firmly in place. “I…”
“Tell me Bae.”
He took a deep breath his gaze falling to the floor. “I’m in love with you.”
Silence filled the room. Youngbae felt Daesung’s hand tremble against his chin as he tried to shield his heart against the pain he knew about to hit him.
“Bae…” Dae started in a shaky voice and Youngbae could feel him rising to his feet, while his hand remained.
Youngbae couldn’t bring himself to lift his eyes, much too afraid of what he’d see when he looked at Dae’s face, but then he felt a warm breath caress his cheek and his eyes to popped open.
“Me too.” Daesung whispered and then leaned in closing the gap between their lips.
Youngbae’s mouth fell open in shock, and he moaned loudly as Daesung used that opportunity to slip his tongue inside his mouth while sliding his free hand under Bae’s shirt.
The feel of Dae’s leather clad fingers against his skin sent all of Youngbae’s blood pulsing directly to his cock and he came alive, grabbing the back of Daesung’s head and pulling Dae down on top of him, crashing their lips together as his tongue reached out to slide against Dae’s savoring the rich flavor of his dongsaeng for a few moments before he moved back to nibble on that thick bottom lip that had been taunting him for years. That rosy piece of flesh tasted like heaven between his teeth and Youngbae would die a happy man, if he could only spend the rest of eternity slowly devouring Daesung’s lips.
Suddenly Youngbae jaw went slack causing Dae’s lip to slip from his teeth and pop back into place. “Unnn.” Bae gasped as Daesung cupped his growing cock through his pants. The light pressure of Dae’s hand on him sent jolts of pleasure coursing through Youngbae’s body, and as he looked up at his beautiful angel’s lidded eyes, swollen lips and tousled brown hair Bae almost came in his pants.
“Baby?” Daesung purred, running a finger along Bae’s jean-covered cock. “I want to kiss you here too.”
Youngbae groaned as his hips pushed forward against Daesung’s hand, somehow managing a slight nod as he watched his dongsaeng’s body slide down between his legs to kneel on the floor.
Daesung’s fingers feverishly worked to undo Bae’s belt and zipper until his aching manhood was freed from the confines of his pants. Dae immediately wrapped one hand around the base of Youngbae’s cock, before dropping his head to lick one long trail up the underside of his shaft, causing Bae’s head to roll back
“Ahh.”
“Try not to be too loud, baby.” Dae whispered with an amused grin, before his lips latched onto the tip of Bae’s cock, sucking it hard, causing a pleasured cry to escape Youngbae’s lips as his hips bucked forward. Dae’s other gloved hand held Bae’s hips in place, restricting his hyung’s movement as his lips slipped down, swallowing Bae whole.
Youngbae bit his lip, stifling his moans as Daesung’s mouth worked him at an achingly slow pace, sucking his way up his length until he reached the tip, his tongue swirling against the his slit, tasting the salty pre-cum forming there, before his moist lips covered him once more.
“Dae …Please.” he groaned, begging the man between his legs to stop teasing him. Bae could feel Dae’s throat laugh around him causing a whole new sensation of pleasure to shoot through him, and his breaths to become uneven. Youngbae’s fingers unconsciously burrowed themselves in the brunette‘s hair, no longer able to form thoughts as Dae picked up the pace of his lips while his gloved fingers pumped him in time. A sheen of sweat dampened Bae’s brow, his back arching and his toes curling as the slick friction of Daesung mouth tightly sucking him faster and faster became too much for him to bear. “
Dae! I…” Suddenly a bolt of pure pleasure hit Youngbae like a strike of lightning causing his body to shake violently as jolts of intense heat surged through him until it found its release. “Dae!” he panted, as his heart rate started to slow and the feeling of gravity returned to his body. “I love y…” he began but his words died when he felt the wet sensation on his hand. A grimace formed across his lips as he forced his eyes open, only to find himself alone in his dressing room. Youngbae’s heart clenched as anguish spread throughout his body, making him physically ill.
Bae sat there for several long moments his body shaking until he forced himself to clean up his mess, while trying desperately to push aside the disgust he felt towards himself. He changed into some comfortable clothes hoping that since his scenes were done that maybe he could leave early. Youngbae looked in the mirror making sure his mask was back in place while thinking up a believable excuse to get him out of here, but then a knock sounded on his dressing room door disrupting his thoughts. He took a deep breath. “Come in.”
“Yo.”
Youngbae let out a sigh of relief when Jiyong entered the room and made his way over to him.
“Bae are you okay?” he said with a deep look of concern.
“Yeah, I’m not feeling very well. I’m thinking of taking off early, if that’s okay.”
“Oh…yeah sure…but I didn’t just mean today. You’ve been acting strange for a while, distant, and I want to make sure you’re doing okay. You know you can talk to me, right?
Youngbae couldn’t even bring himself to deny it, when he saw Jiyong’s worried expression, and quickly diverted his gaze, feeling guilty. “Yeah, I know, but… I…I’m scared to talk about it.”
“Youngbae, are you in love?”
The blunt question threw him off guard and Bae was stunned into silence.
“Look, we don’t have to talk about it, but Bae we’ve been friends a long time and I know you. You try so hard to protect everyone else, but never look out for yourself. So stop torturing yourself and just go for it.”
“But…”
“No buts. There is nothing wrong with loving someone, and confessing your feelings is not a bad thing, so you have to take the chance. And if it doesn’t work out at least you tried, instead of just beating yourself up about it. Besides, you’ll always have me, cause that’s what best friends are for.” he said patting Youngbae on the shoulder.
“Thanks Ji.” he said with a smile. “I really appreciate it.”
“No problem. I’ll let the crew know you’re not feeling well, so someone can drive you home.” he said, turning to leave.
“Thanks.”
Jiyong stopped when he reached the doorway, turning back to his hyung. “And Bae, he’d be crazy not to love you back.” he said, a large smile splitting his face as watched Youngbae’s eyes go wide, and quickly exited the room.
~~~~~~~~~~
Time continued to slip by and it was now August. As soon as Youngbae was back in Korea he had started working on the production of his Solar concert. The dreams still haunted him, but stopped hating himself so much for having them. In fact, every time he practiced his choreography for ‘Only Look At Me’ he found himself smiling, remembering that night watched Dae in that practice room.
Daesung had been away, wrapping up ‘What’s Up’ and so Bae hadn’t seen him since the video shoot, so when he received a text from Jiyong simply stating: Dae’s Back ^^ he couldn’t stop himself from rushing home.
The house was quiet when Youngbae arrived, so he knocked lightly on Dae’s door. There was no response, so he slowly turned the handle to peek inside, finding Daesung curled up in his bed. He couldn’t fight the urge to slip in the room and have a closer look; the light from the hall illuminating his angel’s sleeping face. Bae smiled as he gazed down at Daesung, his dark lashes fanning across his adorably round cheeks and his slightly parted lips, so plump and tempting. Bae swallowed hard knowing he should leave, but then suddenly Dae moaned in his sleep, a deep, breathy pleasure filled moan that had Bae frozen in place. Daesung’s body shivered, his head tipping back, lost in his dream. Bae stared at Dae for several moments before he finally remembered to breathe and willed himself to slowly back out of the room.
Bae dropped onto his own bed, replaying the scene he had just witnessed. Even with all the dreams he had had, nothing compared to the real thing. The sound of Dae’s moaning voice did things to him, he could not begin to understand and those sweet vibrations would forever be imprinted in his brain.
Bae removed his shirt and shoes and tried to sleep, but as hours ticked by with every toss and turn filled with images Dae’s face, he gave up on the idea of sleep and stared at the ceiling in frustration. ‘That’s it. I can’t take this anymore.’ Youngbae thought, jumping out of bed. ‘This has gone on long enough. I swear to god, the next time I see him, I’m just going to tell him how I feel.’ he thought with a nod of confirmation, before leaving his room to go indulge in some ice cream, hoping it would ease his worries so he could sleep or at least fall into a self-induced sugar coma.
He reached the doorway to the kitchen and stopped, his breath catching when he saw Daesung standing there, his eyes immediately trailing to his bare caramel chest taking in every line of his abs and those deep creases that lead into the brunette’s pants.
‘Fuck!’
Youngbae stared at Daesung from the darkness as his dongsaeng leaned on the counter with a far off expression as if he was thinking deeply about something. Then suddenly his expression changed, his nose scrunching up in frustration, which Bae couldn’t help but find absolutely adorable.
Jiyong’s words flowed through Youngbae’s brain, as he watched Dae and he decided it really was time to come clean. He loved Daesung and he needed to tell him or he was going to go crazy. Well crazier than he already was.
Daesung quickly chugged down a glass of water with a determined face while in the distance Youngbae took a deep breath, silently praying for his dongsaeng’s forgiveness, before he stepped into the kitchen.
“Daesung?”
~~~~~~~~~~~
The End
~~~~~~~~~~~
Whew. I think most of you know why I ended it there and if you don’t, go read the next installment You’re My… to get the rest of the story.
This fic was challenging in different ways then my other fics, since it was solely focused on Youngbae. I hope the flow wasn’t too choppy and Bae wasn’t too over the top with his angsty dramatics. ^^ I also really hope this tied well into You're My... because that was my main goal.
I also need to mention the 3 dreams that may have sounded a bit familiar cause they are 3 actual SunDae fics on AFF.
1) Daesung pinning Bae down to the mattress and confessing his feelings, before making love with him. Is from the first Dae seme, SunDae fic I found of this site, When A Bad Day Goes Well by rocksolidpanda
2) Daesung sneaking up behind Bae in his dressing room, gagging him with one leather gloved hand as the other stroked his cock. Is of course the cocktastical fic, Seven Days by the wonderful MsNightshade
3) Daesung binding Bae's hands and straddling him while eating a popsicle. Is from my crazy friend’s cracktastic fic, Sunny Dlite Popsicles: A (true?) SunDae Story by MissMaize
Also as a funny sidenote my sister wanted to troll me and made the front for the banner in Tae and Dae's pantone colors, but we both ended up liking how it looked and decided to keep it. Lolz. It's like Dae's orange is surrounding Tae's taqueria green in a big hug. XD
I love SunDae sooo much and it makes me incredibly happy to see that more people have started to embrace it, so thank you. As always I look forward to hearing you comments, so please tell me every thought because I’ll gladly eat it all up.