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When Nanami wakes up in the middle of the night to Ichiya having a nightmare, he realizes, sadly, that this will be the first of many nights to come. It's something he never should have overlooked, something he should've expected; because Ichiya will bottle up his problems, till they build and they build and they build, until – the bottle finally shatters and Ichiya still does not say a word, having already deemed himself too unworthy of any care. His mess will cut and scar him deeply, yet he will hide his hand behind his back, like a little child too afraid, hiding the broken pieces of a glass vase, tucking every little bruise, cut, and scar behind his back in an already bleeding hand.
A quiet whimper floats over from the other side of the bed, and Nanami turns over on his side to see Ichiya's shaking form, curled up in a small ball. Nanami reaches over to gently place his hand on Ichiya's back but frowns to himself when he flinches away from his touch violently, as though touched by molten heat. His heart aches deeply when he sees how Ichiya reacts and must believe that no matter how much time passes, as quickly as it does like a stream of water, his anguish has cut him down deeply.
"Niki," Nanami whispers, "What's wrong, dear?"
He receives no reaction or response and leans forward to place one hand on Ichiya’s shoulder and the other around his wrist, trying to pull the man he loves so dearly out of whatever trance he’s delved in. It bears fruitful as Ichiya seems too tired to resist, his limbs limp and allowing Nanami to pull him forward towards him – always towards Nanami.
Because he's always known how Ichiya keeps all of his emotions hidden, close to his heart, a precious treasure, all his accumulated thoughts eating away at his being, ever since they lived on the island. But he sees how he loves so, so quietly and benevolently. He sees the kindness in his eyes when thanking the cashier at their local store, or when he looks up at a particularly clear night sky, the stars reflecting off the darkness in Ichiya’s eyes and if not sometimes, but always, manages to take Nanami’s breath away, his heart overwhelmed by the love he holds for him.
Their time on the island has scarred him, both on his body and his mind, digging down deeply and sharply. He sees the gaunt shadows under Ichiya's eyes, haunting him endlessly, making him unable to move on. There are moments when Ichiya is gone – his eyes are blank, completely contradictory to the turmoil of thoughts in his head. He’ll sometimes stare out of the window when they’re having breakfast, or when they walk down the street together, hands clasped together, but Ichiya is absent again, in a stupor.
Ichiya finally turns around to face him and the paleness on his face sends a pang to Nanami's chest, a suffocating pressure on his lungs. He looks more exhausted than usual – Nanami supposes anyone would after a nightmare – and pulls his boyfriend close to his chest and wraps his arms around his body, Ichiya responding in the same way. Seconds, minutes pass – it could be hours for all they know as they stay enveloped within each other’s arms, becoming one as their heartbeats align, like that of the sun and the moon of an eclipse.
“I had a nightmare,” Ichiya is the first one to break the infinite stillness between the two, voice rough with sleep.
“Was it about the island?” Nanami asks carefully, chin resting on top of Ichiya’s head.
“No. This time –” He takes a sharp intake of air “– I was about to lose you. Again.”
A silence breaks out over them again, and Nanami tightens his hold around Ichiya.
“Sometimes I wish that I had never left you back then. I should’ve stayed with you, instead of leaving you all alone. Maybe if I had been less of a coward, you wouldn’t have been trapped down there for so long.”
“Niki, you know I don’t blame you. I never have.”
“It still doesn’t make it right,” Ichiya protests.
Nanami signs. Despite the situation, Ichiya will still be as stubborn as mule, as firm and forward as he was when they first met.
When Nanami was younger, he wondered what it was like to love someone till your heart burst, to love them so much that you see the moon and the sun in their eyes. They touch you with star-dipped fingertips, gently, and softly and so full of warmth. And with Ichiya he feels at home. He feels overwhelming warmth and comfort when he comes home to see him sitting on their couch reading a book, in their house. The feeling gets stronger when Ichiya looks up to give him his little smile, one that lightens up the entire room.
"Look at me, my dear," Nanami says softly.
Ichiya complies, slightly struggling to move, and Nanami loosens his arms with a short laugh. He leans down and rests his forehead on Ichiya’s before he begins to speak.
"We were both confused. I'm sure you were, especially with the situation surrounding your sister. There was no right or wrong about that, darling. You were forced to make decisions no one should ever have to. I won't say that I didn't feel sad, but that's simply because of how much I missed you, Niki. I wasn't particularly lonely because I knew that I'd meet you again. And later, I met Sakura and Chihiro."
Ichiya is fairly quiet now and Nanami can see the storm reflecting in his eyes, so Nanami adds: "Besides, you're here now, aren't you? I'm not saying we have to completely forget, because that seems impossible, but there's no point in continuing to live in those memories."
“Really?” Ichiya says, almost as though he can’t fathom the thought.
"Really," Nanami confirms.
“I’m glad.”
"Me too, my dear. Now, let's go back to sleep."
Ichiya smiles up at him and Nanami’s love practically explodes in his chest, and once again they are complete.