Work Text:
A MATTER OF CONVENIENCE
Sam stumbled in the flickering light, reaching out to steady herself on the rough rock wall. She should have reached the small alcove where they slept already, but she must've missed a turn. Swearing softly at her carelessness, she started to retrace her footsteps, the flickering torches few and far between this far into the caverns where the workers were housed. Though maybe 'penned' was a better word, she decided tiredly, almost back at the intersection where she'd made her wrong turn. Where were the guards when you needed them? Lost in thought, she was completely unprepared when rough hands from out of nowhere grabbed her and pulled her sharply into a shadowy opening she had missed.
She opened her mouth to yell, arms reaching wildly for her attacker when a large, beefy hand covered her mouth and nose; a massive arm pinning her against an equally massive chest while she was dragged a short distance into the dark depths of the corridor. Sam struggled impotently, twisting and kicking out, but her attacker effortlessly avoided her flailing arms and legs. His suffocating grip loosened slightly and she thought she was going to be able to escape when he roughly threw her to the ground.
Sam cried out then, tears springing to her eyes when her head connected soundly with the rock surface, the breath knocked out of her. The shadowy figured towered over her and she started to panic, struggling feebly away from him, the rough rocks digging into her hands and her back as she tried to scramble away from him. She didn't get far though, when she suddenly encountered more rock behind her. The short tunnel was a dead end and she was trapped.
Her attacker laughed, a low guttural sound that only added to her terror. She could see enough to recognize that the man was one of the other prisoners, not a guard. He stepped closer to her until he was standing right over her, one hand pulling ominously at the rope belt around his waist. He was big and he was strong, she knew she'd never be able to overpower him unless she got very lucky. Desperately hoping that someone could hear her, she yelled, "Help! Somebody help me!"
The man laughed again, his voice rough and mocking. "Go ahead and call for help. Do you think the guards care what happens to you? To any of us?" For a large man he moved quickly, and before she could even react, he was straddling her thighs, his rough hands tugging and pulling at her clothing. She tried to hit him, but he captured both her wrists in a bruising grip, holding her arms over her head. Pinning her easily, he leered, "Go ahead and fight me, it only makes it better." He leaned over her, his foul breath washing hotly over her face, the hand not holding her wrists groping roughly at her T-shirt. She felt nausea swell up inside her and she screamed again when the T-shirt ripped and his large hand pawed roughly at her breasts.
She continued to struggle, even though it seemed increasingly futile. She wouldn't let him take her without a fight. One grasping hand finally found her breast and cruelly squeezed. She screamed again, twisting and bucking frantically beneath him, when she was unexpectedly free. Her attacker growled, yelling hoarsely, his arms flailing wildly. She couldn't see clearly, though she recognized the sounds of flesh hitting flesh, the grunts and groans of her attacker as he now struggled with his assailant. And then it was abruptly over and she scrambled to a sitting position against the rough wall of the cave, her heart pounding and her breathing labored.
"Captain Carter, are you injured?"
Sam stifled an almost hysterical sob, relief flooding through her. Teal'c! Surprisingly gentle hands helped her to her feet and she swayed unsteadily, allowing herself just the briefest moment to take comfort in his arms.
"Captain Carter, are you injured?"
Teal'c's voice reverberated over her head once more and she shuddered, pulling herself together. Forcing herself to step away from him she finally managed to murmur, "I'm okay, Teal'c. He didn't hurt me."
She sensed more than saw his nod. "We must return then, before we arouse more suspicion."
He was right and even though her legs were still quivering, she followed him, crowding against the far wall of the cave when they passed by her would-be rapist. The trip back to their secluded alcove was quick and Sam wondered how she could have gotten so lost. She stayed close to Teal'c, ignoring the stares of the workers they encountered. The few women looking at her with sympathy in their eyes, the men seemed to eye her with speculation. They didn't stare long, Teal'c's glare warning them off. God, she thought sickly, they all knew what had happened and she wanted to shout to them that she hadn't been raped, but she didn't. And probably the only reason something hadn't happened earlier was because she was always in the company of the Colonel or Teal'c. She should have known better, she had gotten careless and she had almost experienced every woman's nightmare.
They finally rounded the last corner and Sam saw the Colonel pacing restlessly at the end of the cul-de-sac. The light from the one torch midway down the short corridor casting enough light to illuminate the obvious worry on his face. When he saw them, he stopped pacing and met them halfway.
"What happened?" he demanded.
"Captain Carter was attacked."
"Carter?"
She stepped out from behind Teal'c and faced O'Neill. An odd mixture of shame and relief flooding through her as his eyes flicked over her. She knew she was a mess and he wouldn't be able to see the bruises that she knew were developing, but he would be able to see her torn T-shirt and other evidence of her struggle.
"Are you hurt, Sam?"
His voice was unexpectedly gentle and even though she wanted nothing more than to collapse weeping in his arms, she steadied herself. "No sir, he didn't hurt me," knowing full well 'hurt' meant something much more than 'hurt'. "Teal'c got there in time."
O'Neill nodded and Sam saw him and Teal'c exchange some kind of wordless communcation that she was too tired to try and interpret. "Go lie down, Carter. Teal'c will try and scare up some water and I'll keep watch."
She nodded; sliding past him to the small hollowed-out area at the end of the corridor that was their sleeping area. Sam went to the farthest corner, huddling on the small straw-filled pallet and wrapping one of the flimsy blankets around her shoulders. She knew shock was setting in when she started trembling, the adrenaline that had kept her going so far fading fast. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she rested her head on them, trying to control the shaking. She felt the tears she was furiously trying to suppress escape anyway and she let them fall. She was dimly aware of the Colonel's presence, his shadow falling into the room as he periodically paced and Sam was comforted by his presence. She'd had a narrow escape, if Teal'c hadn't found her when he had, that brute would have raped her. A huge shudder wracked her entire body; her first time would have been rape at the hands of some nameless alien on this planet that had become their prison.
Potential rape seemed to be facing her everywhere they went! It had only been two months since they'd been on Hadante and while she had escaped attack there, she almost hadn't been so lucky here. All she could think after what had almost happened was that she didn't want her first time to be rape. Shivering, she wrapped her arms tighter around her knees. That she was still a virgin was mostly by choice and now, mostly by circumstance. And while it never particularly worried her, today's near miss had once more reminded her that the choice of who her first lover would be might be taken from her. The memory of the man's unwashed body, his hurtful hands and the pleasure he had taken in her fear filled Sam with revulsion.
The thought of fighting off more potential rapists, especially in their current situation, seemed almost overwhelming. All she could think was that she wouldn't let the choice be taken from her! She knew she wasn't thinking clearly; so much had happened, both in the weird and disjointed memories plaguing her and the physical abuse of their forced servitude. They'd been held in the mines for weeks now, Daniel all but disappearing. The hope of release had been steadily fading for her. Control of body was still one thing she had and she decided she wasn't going to let it be taken from her.
Lost in thought, she jumped, her heart racing when O'Neill suddenly loomed over her. "Hey," he murmured softly, "it's okay. Teal'c found some tea."
She settled back down, willing herself to relax and took the wooden bowl from the Colonel. She sniffed the contents, glad to note that steam was rising from the brownish liquid. 'Tea' was really a misnomer for the bland liquid, but it usually didn't taste too bad, especially if it was still hot. She took a cautious sip while the Colonel sat down next to her. She shifted, moving to sit cross-legged, her knees just brushing his.
"You okay?"
"I don't think so, sir," she whispered.
"I thought he didn't...." O'Neill frowned and she could tell her was confused.
She looked at him briefly, then looked back down into the mug of steaming liquid. "No, he didn't rape me. Teal'c got there in time."
"Okay," he murmured, shifting uncomfortably.
Sam knew he would prefer not to discuss this with her, but it was part of his job, to make sure his team was okay. She just had a totally insane idea then, wondering to what lengths he would go to make sure his team was okay, to make sure she was okay. She'd wanted him—and had ignored the wanting—for a long time now. It was hardly the ideal time or place, and if he refused her, she wasn't sure what she would do. But she was going to choose.
"Sir, Jack..." she sat her tea down and looked at him, an odd sort of despair in her eyes. "I'm tired of being choiceless."
"Sam, you're losing me here."
She reached out and rested her hand on his knee, her touch feather light. "This isn't the first time something like this has happened."
He nodded. "I know, Sam," he reassured her. "We'll be more careful—"
Of course he was aware that this wasn't anything new for her, and it still happened, no matter how careful they were. "That won't change anything, Jack," she interrupted, studying his face carefully. Even in the dim light and covered with dirt, he was still handsome. And his eyes were almost tender.... It was now or never.
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Sam crowded closer to him, the hand on his knee tightening, her other hand resting cautiously on his shoulder. His entire body tensed when she leaned forward, her lips just brushing his. Jack didn't react; he couldn't, the whole situation took on a surreal quality. She brushed his lips again, this time pressing harder; he knew he should push her away. For some reason, his hands wouldn’t obey him, instead they settled on her slim hips, pulling her closer.
Not giving up, she kissed him again, her hot mouth opening on his and she melted against him. Jack groaned, opening his mouth as well, driven by the need to taste her in return. His world narrowed down to only the incredible pleasure of her mouth on his, her tongue stroking his, her breasts pressed against his chest, her hands tugging and pulling at his T-shirt until she finally found the firm muscles of his back. She straddled his thighs, rubbing herself against him. And even as he tired as he was, his body responded immediately to the call of hers. Jack closed his eyes and let the pleasure flow through him, their surroundings fading away.
The distant sound of a guard shouting broke into Jack's haze of pleasure. As tempting as it was to lose himself in the temporary haven of his captain's arms, their current situation and lack of privacy—or any amenities—forced Jack to reluctantly pull his mouth away from hers. She moaned, her hands grabbing his head, trying to reclaim his lips. He murmured roughly, "Sam, we can't..."
Before he could even finish the sentence, one of her hands snaked down between them and began massaging his erection through his trousers. He groaned then, his head falling back against the cavern wall while Sam's sure fingers deliberately stroked and caressed him. He whimpered when she suddenly stopped and sat back slightly, both hands now at his crotch, shaking fingers fumbling with the buttons of his fly. Common sense exerted its influence once more and Jack found enough strength to grab at her hands.
"No, Sam we can't..." he muttered harshly.
"Jack, please..." There were tears in her eyes and her voice and Jack found he was helpless against her plea. If she needed the comfort of his arms, he wasn't going to deny her. Not after everything that had happened, that could still happen. Ignoring the voice of caution and reason, Jack let his desire loose. Pulling her into his arms he kissed her deeply before urging her to her knees. The next few moments were a flurry of eager hands tugging and pulling at fastenings and finally they managed to get one of her legs free of her clothing. Coaxing her to once more straddle his hips, Jack groaned appreciatively when she finished freeing him from his trousers. Her hands were cool and tentative as she stroked him and Jack growled, feeling the last remnants of his control fly away.
Grabbing her wrists, he put her hands on his shoulders and she leaned into him, resting her head against his shoulder as well. Urging her closer, her put one hand on her hip, the other moving deliberately through her damp curls. She flinched and he heard her quickly in-drawn breath. "Easy, Sam," he whispered, wondering if she was having second thoughts. "We can stop."
"No," she moaned softly, surprising him by unexpectedly sliding a hand between their bodies and carefully grasping his penis. It was his turn to moan as she stroked him, her touch light and surprisingly unsure, the tentative caresses arousing him even more. Urging her closer, he continued to carefully stroke through her soft folds. She wasn't as ready as he would have liked, but it would have to do. Grasping her waist with both hands, he slowly guided her onto his rock hard penis. Moving slowly at first, he carefully broached her tender opening. She whimpered, her arms wrapping around his neck, her whole body abruptly tensing. He stopped his slow incursion, something wasn't right, because as willing as Sam seemed, her body was suddenly fighting him.
"Jack, please...don't stop," she gasped, her hands clutching frantically in his hair. Ignoring the small voice of caution, Jack forced his penis further into her, amazed at how tight she was around him. Overwhelmed with pleasure, he thrust deep, only to freeze when her shocked cry sounded softly in his ear. Shit, it couldn't be...his mind refused to wrap around the thought that he had just forced his way into a virgin. She couldn't be a virgin! There had to be another reason....
She moaned his name again and he could feel every single one of her tender muscles quivering around him while she endeavored to accommodate his length and his girth. Still in a state of shock, Jack held himself still, even though the exquisite sensations running through his body from where they were joined threatened to overwhelm him. "Sam," he finally groaned, his hands tightening on her hips, not sure what he intended to do. The deed was already done and she had told him not to stop. Wavering with indecision, Sam finally made the decision for him. She relaxed against him, burying her face in his neck and sighing his name when the action forced him deeper into her untried body.
A low growl of pleasure rumbled up uncontrolled through his chest, his hands tightening on her hips when she instinctively started moving, her hips rocking tentatively against his. She seemed determined to push him over the edge, urging him towards climax with her untutored response. Without his volition, his hips moved in response, the sweet friction as he moved within her snug depths filling him with intense pleasure. Oh god...it wasn't going to take long, he could already feel the first sharp tendrils of release curling low in his gut. She was relentless and Jack felt himself surrendering to her determination, the tug and pull of her internal muscles luring him ever closer to release. And then it started and he couldn't hold it back.
Wrapping his arms around her, his hips moved helplessly against her while his orgasm raced through him. Burying his face in her neck, he bit her shoulder, muffling the harsh cry of ecstasy that escaped. His hips continued jerking erratically against her as he emptied himself endlessly into her tight depths. Oh god, he was panting and weak when the final tremors chased through him. Sam's body was soft and warm weight against him, the rock cold and unforgiving beneath him. "Sam," he murmured, not knowing what to say, yet needing to say something.
"Thank you," she whispered against his ear and then her lips brushed his in a gentle kiss. She gazed tenderly at him, her blue eyes soft and just the slightest bit shy. He held her eyes, trying to read in her expression an explanation for what had just happened. The light was dim, but he could tell when she started to blush. It didn't make any sense and it started to gnaw at him, that she hadn't told him, that she had somehow tricked him into making love to her, into taking her virginity. Because he had no doubt now, that she was, or had been, a virgin. He didn't understand it, couldn't even begin to comprehend how his beautiful, smart and talented captain could possibly have been a virgin. But the evidence had been unmistakable.
Confused as hell, and not liking the feeling, he shifted her off his lap. Ignoring her soft gasp as she tumbled onto the pallet next to him, he stood up and hastily rearranged his clothing. She was struggling into her clothing when he spoke, his voice harsher than he intended. "For god's sake, Sam. Why didn't you tell me?"
She looked up at him and he felt his gut tighten when he saw that haunted look once more in her eyes. Maybe her motives didn't matter, maybe all she'd wanted was some comfort, something to replace the memory of her attack and he'd been convenient. But he still needed to know, because for him...god, for him it had been something completely different. "Sam," he tried again, only to be interrupted by Teal'c.
"O'Neill, someone approaches." His voice was low, yet urgent, from just outside their alcove. Sam scooted further back into the dark corner of the alcove. Jack cursed the interruption and went to stand in the entryway.
"One of the workers from section five is missing," the guard barked.
Teal'c answered the guard as he forced his way by him. "He is not here."
"Where is the woman?" the guard demanded when he reached O'Neill. Jack stood aside; Sam was visible in the corner, once more sitting on the pallet. The guard grunted and then left.
Jack stood in the entryway, looking pensively at Sam. He'd given in to her, to the secret desire he harbored for her, and it had been incredible—at least for him. That she had been a virgin, and hadn't told him, was something he was still reeling from. He felt used and betrayed and not terribly in control of his emotions. She sat huddled in the corner, her pale face just visible. She met his gaze, not looking away until Jack couldn't meet her eyes anymore. "Get some rest," he told her, his voice curt.
She nodded slowly, her eyes once more shadowed with pain. Jack watched as she curled up on the pallet with her back to him, hardening his heart against the vulnerability still visible in her eyes.
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Sam knelt on the lab floor; carefully picking up the naquadah Daniel had deliberately knocked over. He was right, she supposed sadly, she had never really known love. Her thoughts helplessly flashed back to their last night as prisoners, when she had asked Jack to make love to her. She many not have known love, but she had known the incredible experience of having a man like Jack make love to her, his body helpless and shuddering in pleasure beneath hers. Oh, she knew there was more to sex than what she'd had with him. And it was that tantalizing promise of more that haunted her now.
The whole experience had been nothing like she'd imagined. The discomfort had truly been more than she'd expected. She had obviously been fooling herself if she thought she could conceal the truth from Jack. But after that first shocking moment, the sensations as Jack had penetrated her had been incredible, more of an intense pressure and an unbelievable stretching, followed by that wonderful feeling of fullness. It had taken her some time to adjust to him and when he had started to move, oh god, it had been so terrifyingly more intimate than she'd ever imagined. He had filled her senses completely, just the way he had filled her body. He was everywhere, his harsh breathing almost unnaturally loud in the dark and quiet room, his arms like iron bands around her, guiding her hesitant movements. The fabric of his trousers was rough against her sensitive inner thighs, an amazingly erotic contrast to the limited bare skin of his she had found available to touch.
And in spite of their situation, she had felt an incredible peace and feeling of rightness fill her. She had been right to give her virginity to him, the thought of that other man inside her—or any other man for that matter—filled her with revulsion. Having Jack joined with her though, had filled her with joy. And even though she hadn't climaxed (nor had she really expected to), what she had shared with him had been enough.
Now, the whole encounter was filled with a sad irony. The very next day Daniel had finally sent for Jack and less than twenty-four hours later, they had been back at the SGC. She needn't have given herself to Jack. But she was fiercely glad she had, especially since it seemed like it would never happen again. She knew he had been angry with her, when he'd realized that she hadn't told him that she was a virgin. Looking back, she wasn't sure why she had left that out. Okay, maybe that wasn't true, she decided almost guiltily. She hadn't wanted him to refuse, and she had been very much afraid that he would have, had he known. And now, well, she had the distinct feeling that he felt like she had used him, that any convenient and reasonably presentable man would have sufficed. If that were the case, she could have tossed a coin to choose between him and Teal'c. But that wasn't the case, she was sadly forced to acknowledge. She'd needed him, and no other man would ever be able to take his place. Because some time between the time she'd first walked into the briefing room at the SGC and seen Jack O'Neill and the moment he had pulled her into his arms on that godforsaken planet, she had fallen in love with him.
Unfortunately, almost immediately upon their return from P3R636, Jack had become even more unapproachable. It was as if they had never shared that brief moment of intimacy in the mine. So, she would follow his lead and pretend that everything was back to normal—to the way it was before she'd coerced him into doing something he now regretted—making love to her. And as for her, she'd eventually get back to 'normal' and she prayed that she'd be able to put her growing feelings for her commanding officer behind her.
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Jack paced the briefing room restlessly, waiting for the rest of his team to join him for the debriefing. He knew he needed to get his emotions under control, especially the 'something else' that smoldered under his irritation with their newfound friends, the Tok'ra, or at least one of the Tok'ra. Something that seemed uncomfortably like jealousy. There was something between his captain and the Tok'ra called Martouf, undercurrents that he couldn’t quite put his hand on, but everything that was male in him sat up and howled whenever he'd seen the blond man with his captain. Which seemed to be all the time. And then he'd had to leave her there with him and her father. Her refusal to obey him still stung, even though he could understand her motives. And while the slow fire of jealousy burned within him, his captain seemed oblivious.
Jack stopped pacing and looked blindly out the windows at the Stargate below. God, he wanted Sam so much! He'd done nothing but want her since they'd made love on that god-forsaken planet months earlier. But as with their first encounter, the timing sucked and their sudden release from captivity and his preoccupation with Daniel's recovery had kept him from her. And the longer he'd waited, the greater his insecurities had become. She seemed more unapproachable than ever and he couldn't help but think, that since he'd served his purpose and relieved her of her virginity, she wanted nothing more to do with him. So, he hadn't pushed her and now he was cursing himself, afraid he had let her slip into another man's arms.
He heard movement behind him and caught the glimmer of her reflection in the window in front of him before she sat down. "Carter," he turned, studying her. Her face was slightly flushed and she looked happier than he'd seen her in well, a long time.
"Sir," she responded, her voice on automatic he noted.
"I'm glad you're father's okay," he told her sincerely.
She actually smiled at him. "Thank you, sir."
"And your new friend? Martooth?" he asked, deliberately mangling the Tok'ra's name.
"Martouf," she replied, the smile fading somewhat.
"Right, Marty." Jack rocked back on his heels. "So what was the deal with him and Jolinar?" She looked uncomfortable and while Jack knew he was being a bastard, he didn't really care. He already knew what had happened, Daniel had told him. He wanted her to tell him though, to explain to him the 'special' connection she had with this stranger.
"They were mates," she mumbled.
"Mates?" He knew the answer, but asked anyway, compelled by some perverse need to see her face when she told him. "You mean they were married?"
"Something like that," she answered. Jack saw something that could only be guilt in her eyes before she averted them. "General," she said suddenly, standing, and Jack heard the note of relief in her voice when Hammond entered the room, followed by Teal'c and Daniel.
"At ease," Hammond told them as he sat down at the head of the table. Jack followed his lead and took his customary seat to the general's right. "I won't keep you here long people, just fill me in on the pertinent details."
The debriefing hadn't been long, as promised. Hammond had been surprisingly content with the abbreviated reports given to him. Perhaps the promise of an ally in their fight against the Goa'uld had given him some encouragement, along with their own liaison in the person of Jacob Carter. Sam had left as soon as Hammond had dismissed them, only giving him a cursory nod before she hurried out. Running away, Jack decided, his mood turning even darker. But which one of them was she running away from? Him or the Tok'ra Martouf?
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Sam turned the TV off and threw the remote down. God, she was just so tired and so confused. She had really hoped being back on Earth and away from the Tok'ra would slow down the memories that bombarded her mind when she least expected. At least now she knew and understood some of the memories that had been left behind by Jolinar. And there were others that had become more distinct and manageable, like the love between Jolinar and Martouf. And having identified and separated that memory from her memories, she was left with her own confused feelings of love...for the Colonel. She wanted to share with Jack the kind of love she sensed between Jolinar and Martouf. The random and always intense feelings that chased through her memory invariably left her aching and wanting more...but for herself and Jack.
Standing, she started restlessly pacing. Her thoughts flew helplessly back to that night in the mine on P3R636, when she had practically forced Jack to make love to her. It had been the most wonderful thing and conversely the most horrible thing to happen. Wonderful because he had been her first lover. Horrible because now she couldn't even contemplate the thought of another man touching her. Martouf had been nice and caring, and while she had been flattered by his attention, he didn't interest her—in spite of the remnants of emotion left behind by Jolinar. Only one man interested her, and he appeared decidedly uninterested in her. At least that's the way it seemed....
The Colonel's behavior at the briefing earlier that day bewildered her. He had seemed almost jealous. She snorted, right, O'Neill jealous of her and some alien she'd probably never see again! O'Neill had never given her any indication that he even wanted to talk about what had happened between them. Of course, she hadn't done anything to encourage him either. She had taken the easy way out. She had let work take over her life, and even when he had almost died and the entire base destroyed, she had convinced herself that ignoring the feelings she had for him was for the best. Only now, she wasn't so sure. Maybe it wasn't too late to change her mind. And before she could begin to question the wisdom of yet another potentially rash action, she grabbed her jacket and her car keys and headed out the door.
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Jack heard the car pull up and stop outside his house. Swallowing down the rest of his scotch, he picked up the bottle from the end table and poured another one, not really caring to discover the identity of whoever was even now probably walking up his porch. The doorbell rang. Jack tipped back the second scotch, enjoying the slow burn and wondered idly if he could just ignore whoever the hell had the nerve to show up unannounced at...he checked his watch, the not so terribly late hour of 1930. He wasn’t drunk; he had no intention of getting drunk. But he did want to be left alone, to brood in peace and quiet and try to erase the memory of Carter's smiling face directed towards her Tok'ra admirer.
The doorbell rang again, followed by an almost tentative knock. Shit, the sooner he got rid of whomever it was, the sooner he could get back to his pity party. Finally standing, Jack crossed the few steps to the front door, throwing it open. "Carter," he eventually managed to mumble, the shock of seeing her standing in the small pool of light surrounding the door driving him momentarily speechless. She certainly had developed a knack for surprising him lately and he really wasn't sure he wanted more surprises. He'd about reached his quota for the year.
She half-smiled, looking unsure and strangely confident all at the same time. "Sir...Jack."
Fuck, so it was going to be Jack tonight? It really made him wonder what she had to tell him, that she needed to use his first name. Maybe he should have gotten drunk. He didn't say anything, simply left the door open and walked back over to the sofa and his bottle of scotch. As expected, she followed him, shutting the door behind her. Sitting down, Jack poured another shot of the scotch. He didn't look at her, but was acutely aware of every movement she made, from the moment she took her jacket off to the exact moment she sat down on the sofa next to him. Tossing back the third shot, he contemplated pouring another one, then thought better of it. He'd wait until he heard what she had to say before deciding whether to get totally wasted.
He finally looked at her and she looked annoyed. Which suited him just fine. "Spit it out, Carter. Say whatever it is that's so damn important that you've come all the way to my house to tell me."
"I love you."
Jack wasn't sure quite how he did it, but he managed to not let his jaw fall open at her announcement. Quickly recovering, he sneered, "Oh right," ignoring the hot flare of hope that flashed through him. "When did you discover this? When you were playing kissy-face with your Tok'ra boyfriend?"
Her smile softened and became almost indulgent. "I don't have a Tok'ra boyfriend, Jack." She sidled closer to him, her knee just touching his, one slender hand resting lightly on his knee. The whole scene was eerily reminiscent of that night months earlier when she'd turned his world upside down.
"And to answer your question, I've loved you ever since I laid down to die with you in that ice cave." She chuckled softly; "I just didn't realize it until we were trapped in another cave."
He could feel his anger slowly sliding away, but he was determined to cling to some of it. "Was that before or after you deceived to me?"
Her smile faded, her hand slipping from his knee and back into her lap. He should have felt some satisfaction from hurting her, but he didn't. What he felt was guilt and pain—her pain. She kept her eyes on her folded hands, "I didn't intend to deceive you, Jack." She glanced briefly at him and his breath caught at the look of sadness in her eyes. "Do you really think that any man would have sufficed?"
"How the hell am I supposed to know? All I know is that I was apparently the most convenient—"
"Convenient?" She snorted, her eyes flashing. "Jack O'Neill convenient? You are probably the most inconvenient man to love." Jack felt his heart start to unthaw as she continued, totally absorbed in her tirade. God, she was beautiful when she was so passionate. She stood up, her movements agitated and started pacing, pausing only long enough to pin him with a glare before continuing. "I've done things I never thought I'd do all because I love you. Hell, I've even been trying to figure out how to make this," her hands gestured wildly between them, "and our jobs work and you think it's convenient?"
So, he hadn't been just convenient, he mused, and she loved him enough to try and make it work between them. It sounded damn nice, but there were still some things he needed to know. "So, what about Jolinar and her memories for Martouf?"
"I only have her memories, she doesn't control me," she snapped back.
He must've looked skeptical, because she continued; her eyes and voice a bit more strained. "Before meeting with the Tok'ra, I may have had some trouble separating my thoughts from hers. But now...now it's more like the feeling you get when you see someone you once loved."
"Which is?"
"It's hard to explain," she paused, as if searching for the words, "affection, fondness, the common link of a shared past."
He nodded. Okay, that he could understand. It was how he usually thought of his ex-wife.
"And it's nothing like what I feel when I look at you."
Her blue eyes flashed with annoyance and affection, and Jack knew he couldn't push her anymore. And he didn't want to annoy her further; all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her and never let her go. Jack slowly stood; glad he'd stopped with the scotch when he had, he didn't want any of his senses to be dulled for what was going to happen next. Sam stopped pacing when he stood, standing tall and proud as he approached her. Stopping right in front of her, he reached out and rested his hands lightly on her waist.
"I got this crazy idea that you didn't want me," he emphasized the pronoun. "I'm still not sure I understand why you did what you did, but I'm damn glad that I was the one to whom you turned."
"I—"
Jack stopped her with a gentle finger on her lips. "My turn," he said and she smiled slightly. Letting his hand glide down her throat in a feather light caress, he trailed his fingers down her arm, twining his fingers with hers. "And because I didn't understand, I reacted instead of thinking." She nodded, her eyes grave and her fingers tightening around his. "And by the time I started to think again, it seemed like it was too late. Everything was back to normal, except it wasn't normal because all I could think about was how much I wanted you. How much I wanted to show you what it can really be like between two people when they make love." He took a deep breath, risking it all. "When they're in love."
The radiant smile that lit up her face set aside any last doubts he might have had regarding her feelings. Her blue eyes sparkled with love and desire and Jack was suddenly very eager to show her exactly what they both had missed during that first reckless coupling. Sliding his free hand to the small of her back, he urged her closer, his lips curving into a slight smile when her pupils dilated, her lashes fluttering as her eyes closed and her luscious red lips parted. Jack didn't even try to suppress the low growl that rumbled from deep in his chest when he lowered his mouth to hers.
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Sam's knees suddenly failed her and she clutched at Jack's shoulders with the hand he wasn't holding, eagerly opening her mouth to his ravenous lips. Tugging her hand free, she wrapped both arms around him, clinging tightly to him while they kissed. His kisses were everything she remembered and then some. Because this time she wasn't scared, tired, dirty or hungry...or kissing him for all the wrong reasons. Barely able to stand, she leaned into him, letting him support them both as she lost herself in the hot, deep kisses they shared. He tasted so good; she was swamped by the intensity of the kiss. His tongue stroked hers, running along her teeth, the surprisingly sensitive roof of her mouth, seeking out every corner. He was voracious, barely giving her the opportunity to respond and she didn't really care, she decided hazily, willing to follow his lead.
Oh god and he was leading right into the inferno. Clutching at his head, she held him to her when he would have pulled away, pressing kisses to his mouth, his nose, and his chin. "Jack!" she gasped when he abruptly swung her up in his arms, momentarily stunned, but she quickly looped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his throat. She bit and then licked at his warm flesh, only vaguely aware that he was carrying her down a dark hallway. He paused, swinging her around and she raised her head. They were in his bedroom, at least she assumed it was his bedroom. He lowered her to her feet and she protested softly when he left her standing by herself. It wasn't for long though, soft light blooming in the room when he turned on a small bedside lamp and then she was back in his arms.
He was kissing her again and it was still incredible and didn't show any signs of not continuing to be incredible. Soft, tender nibbles interspersed with harder, biting kisses. She dug her fingers into his shoulders when he sucked her tongue into his mouth, one strong hand threading through her hair and holding her firmly in place. His other hand very cleverly tugged at the her sweater, pulling it free from her jeans. His warm palm pressed between her shoulder blades, forcing her closer, her breasts pressing delightfully against his hard chest. She squirmed against him, smiling against his lips when he groaned her name softly.
"Sam, easy. There's no rush."
His voice sounded strained and she wasn't sure whether he was trying to convince her or himself. "I want you," she told him, simultaneously kissing him and tugging at the buttons of his shirt.
He chuckled and pulled her hands away after she'd only managed to get a few buttons undone. "Jack," she pouted, trying to pull her hands free. He only chuckled again and released her hands, his hands immediately grasping the hem of her sweater. Her pout turned to a sultry smile and she raised her arms over her head, helping him. The sweater finally pulled free of her head and arms, Jack carelessly tossing it to the floor. She resisted the urge to cross her arms in front of her, feeling unexpectedly self-conscious standing before him, in only her jeans and bra. Something of her feelings must've shown on her face, because his dark eyes suddenly turned tender and he reached out one hand, caressing her cheek before trailing his fingers down her throat, across her collarbone and finally fingering her bra strap. Her breath caught when he slid his fingers under the elastic strap and tugged, pulling her back to him.
She sighed, feeling less self-conscious now that she was back in his arms. His hands gliding along her shoulders and down her back, coming to rest on the back fastening of her bra. Turning her face into his neck, she shivered slightly when his fingers danced smoothly along her spine before deftly undoing her bra. His fingers continued to trail up her spine and she started breathing faster. The straps started to droop off her shoulders and then his fingers were trailing down her arms, her bra following as he pulled it off. It joined her sweater on the floor and when he stepped back, this time she did cross her arms protectively across her chest. It was an automatic gesture and when she realized what she'd done, she felt incredibly gauche and stupid. Just like a scared virgin.
Insecurity started to undermine her desire, so she forced herself to let her arms drop and she stood before him, feeling all at once awkward and incredibly exposed. Even though they'd had sex that one time, it had been nothing like this. It had been dark and only the necessary clothing had been removed. She hadn't seen him and he hadn't seen her. And while she wasn't ashamed of her body, it was still something very new for her to shed her clothing and be this vulnerable and exposed with any man.
"Don't be nervous," he told her, his tone soft and his eyes dark and understanding.
"I'm not really," she whispered. "It's just..."
"Too much?"
"Not enough," she found the courage to tell him, once more reaching for his shirt. He smiled, that sexy one that always turned her to mush and this time, he helped her, his shirt falling off his shoulders and onto the floor. She knew from those rare opportunities when she'd seen him without a shirt that he was lean and well muscled. But it was nothing like now, when he was hers to touch and caress. Her shyness forgotten, she stepped closer, reaching out with both hands and stroking his shoulders, running her fingers lightly along his collarbones. His skin was hotter than she expected, firm and soft all at the same time. Feathering her fingers down his ribcage, she was overwhelmed by the sudden urge to taste him.
Shuffling closer until her feet bumped into his, she leaned into him, nuzzling his neck and inhaling deeply. He smelled good, the lingering scent of his after shave mixing nicely with the musky smell of the man himself. She smiled to herself, good grief! She was besotted if she was actually aroused by his body odor! And then she wondered if he would taste as good as he smelled...brushing her lips across his collarbone, she opened her mouth and licked delicately. He groaned and his hands clutched at her waist, pulling her closer, one large hand rubbing across the small of her back before creeping below the waistband of her jeans.
She instinctively nestled closer and spread her legs slightly, rubbing herself against his growing erection, all the while kissing and stroking his chest. It felt so good, his hands stroking and caressing as well. Lost in the freedom of touching him, Sam trailed her lips down his breastbone, taking a detour at his firm pecs and lightly licked at a nipple. He moaned, his hands tightening on her hips and encouraged, she did it again.
"God, Sam..." he groaned huskily and she smiled. Lazily kissing a trail to its mate, she had just nipped it lightly when he growled, and her world suddenly spun and she found herself tumbled onto the bed.
Sam chuckled breathlessly when he landed on top of her, his hands tugging urgently at the fastening of her jeans. She wriggled her hips, helping him as he drew them, and her panties, down and off her long legs. He knelt between her spread legs then, and she found herself once more fighting shyness. Forcing herself to lie still before him, she felt incredibly exposed and open to him, a telltale blush starting on her cheeks. But, the look in his eyes quickly drove any insecurities away. Tenderness, love and desire all mixed together giving her the courage she needed. "Jack," she pleaded softly, holding her arms out to him.
She watched in amazement as a shudder ran through him and then she was back in his arms, his heavy body covering hers. The sensations started flying fast and furious while he kissed her. His tongue in her mouth was both too much and not enough as he tormented her with images of what was yet to come. Wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders, she rubbed her breasts against his hair-roughened chest, her nipples tightening at the sweet friction. Raising her knees, she cradled his body between her strong thighs, whimpering into his mouth as she tried to get even closer to him, frustrated by the barrier of his trousers. The rough feel of the material against her sensitive skin was nice, but it wasn't what she wanted. When his mouth left hers, she gasped for breath, her hand sliding down his back to tug at the waistband of his slacks. "Jack," she pleaded, "help me."
"Whatever you want, Sam," he groaned harshly, pulling out of her embrace and rolling onto his back next to her. She barely had time to catch her breath before he was out of trousers and boxers and once more on top of her.
Oh god, everything was so different this time, her brain could hardly process it all. The bed was soft and warm beneath her, while Jack was heavy and hot on top of her. Her body seemed to adjust automatically to his, her arms and legs cradling him as he settled against her. Sliding her hands down his ribs, she clutched at his hips when he moved against her, a low groan escaping her as his rigid length pressed against her slick folds. She shifted her hips as well, intensifying the wonderful feeling only to stop on another moan of pleasure when his hot mouth latched onto her breast.
Nothing she had read or heard about could have prepared her for the exquisite sensations spiraling through her while her lover suckled at her breast. She arched against him, her hands clutching now at his head, holding him in place. She let out a strangled sob when one large hand cupped her other breast, his thumb rubbing insistently at the taut bud while he continued to suck and gently bite at the other nipple. "Jack," she protested weakly when his mouth left her breast, only to moan a low, "Yes..." when he kissed his way across to her other breast, sucking the tight nipple into his mouth.
So lost in pleasure, she hadn't even realized he had moved until she felt one of his hands glide down her thigh, urging her legs up higher. Shifting for him, Sam was only vaguely aware of his mouth tracing a path of fire down her belly. She was completely aware, however, when one sure hand stroked through her soft folds. Forcing herself to not move away from his searching touch, she held still, telling herself to keep breathing while he carefully fondled her. She was unashamedly wet, his fingers sliding easily on her slick flesh, though she still moaned raggedly when one long finger slipped easily inside her.
He withdrew it almost immediately, his voice urgent as he asked, "Sam, are you okay? Did I hurt you?"
Forcing her eyes open, she was surprised to find him braced over her, his face right over hers, a look of tender concern in his deep brown eyes. Reaching up, she caressed his cheek with a surprisingly shaky hand. "No, you didn't hurt me," she murmured, a flood of love and tenderness filling her. "It felt...good." Though 'good' seemed somehow inadequate to describe the incredible sensations his touch evoked in her.
His eyes darkened and his lips curved in a slow smile. "Good," he drawled, "because it's only going to get better."
Looping her arms around his neck, she raised herself up and kissed him. "I'm going to hold you to that."
He chuckled, the sound low and seductive and she shivered in anticipation. Their first time had been fairly amazing—at least for her—in spite of the rather desperate and unpleasant circumstances. So far, his skilled touch and caresses were exceeding anything she had ever imagined or fantasized. And then she lost the ability for coherent thought when Jack wrapped his arms around her, once more pressing her into the mattress, his mouth ravenous on hers.
His hips moved teasingly against hers and she shifted, angling her pelvis to increase the contact, her hands gliding down to his hips, tugging at them, wordlessly urging him to complete their union. "Yes," she moaned in relief when one of his large hands made its way back down her body, only this time it wasn’t his fingers, but the broad head of his penis that probed at her tender opening.
"Look at me," he commanded. Sam's lashes fluttered opened, she hadn't even realized she'd closed them. The brown eyes staring down at her were wild with need and she was only just beginning to realize the tight control Jack was exerting.
"Yes," she whispered, moving her hips deliberately, enticing him to continue. His eyes flashed with desire and Sam watched him, mesmerized, as he started his slow incursion into her body. It was still uncomfortable at first, and she forced herself to relax and accept him, each controlled movement of his body adding to the fire slowly burning within her. Oh god, if she had thought the first time had been too intense, it was nothing compared to the visceral intimacy of watching him while he took her. The look of intense concentration and pleasure on his face filled her with unbelievable satisfaction. It was both humbling and arousing that this incredible man loved her, wanted her.
His movements were inexorable and before she knew it, he was embedded fully within her. "Wrap your legs around me," he muttered harshly. She did as he asked, shifting her hips and wrapping her legs around his lean hips, a low cry torn from her throat as her movement forced him even deeper. He buried his face in her throat, his arms sliding beneath her and cupping her shoulders and he started moving. Slow, powerful thrusts that she felt through her entire body. Clinging to him, she started moving with him, almost effortlessly following his rhythm.
Oh, and it was so good. The feel of his body in her and around her, swamping her in sensation, starting an ache deep within her. "Jack," she sobbed, her hands running frantically down his sides to his butt, urging him on as the pleasure built within her. He shifted suddenly and she whimpered softly, her hands tightening on his hips, trying to keep him close. He was too strong though, and she felt momentary panic flash through her until she realized his intent, as one clever hand worked its way between their bodies. She tensed and then cried out; pleasure exploding through her when his seeking fingers reached their goal.
Each breath left her in a soft sob as Jack drove her relentlessly towards release, his fingers expertly stroking her clitoris as he continued to move steadily within her. She struggled at first against the devastating sensations, strangely reluctant to surrender to her lover. But he was determined and she was helpless against the ecstasy he so effortlessly aroused in her. And why did she want to fight him anyway, she wondered hazily. She wanted this...she wanted him and she did surrender, letting the rapture flow through her unchecked. Crying out his name, she shuddered endlessly against him, finding heaven in his arms.
Sam panted, feeling as weak as a kitten, random tremors still chasing through her as she reluctantly returned to physical existence. Because she was sure she'd temporarily been transported to another plane of reality. How much time had passed, she wasn't certain, the only thing she was certain of however, was that Jack was still full and heavy inside of her. Opening her eyes, her vision was immediately filled with the face of her lover. He smiled, though she could tell it cost him, his entire body quivering against hers.
Stroking her hands down his back, Sam shifted, clasping her legs tighter and higher around him. "Jack, love..." she sighed softly, experimentally tightening her internal muscles around his still rigid length, which caused him to groan and sag against her. She smiled languidly, holding him tight as he once more started moving heavily within her. It was all she could do cling to him then, glorying in the feel of his powerful body as he rode her hard. Evidently he'd been restraining himself earlier, her breath leaving her in soft gasps with each inward thrust of his hips as he pounded her into the mattress.
Murmuring loving words of encouragement, Sam moved with him as best she could, eager to bring him the same pleasure he had just given her. His harsh groan was her only warning, his arms tightening almost painfully around her when he suddenly thrust deep, grinding his hips against her. Burying her face in his hair, Sam held him tightly while his orgasm swept through him, his hips jerking against hers, filling her with the hot warmth of his seed. Love and fierce possessiveness flowed through her as her lover shuddered endlessly in her arms.
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Jack groaned, sinking further into his lover's arms. Life would be perfect, he thought hazily if he could just stay like this forever, surrounded by Sam's soft body. Her caresses were tender and soothing now, raw desire giving way to loving warmth. But, as blissful as his current location was, Sam was cautiously wriggling beneath him. So, with a low groan, he carefully rolled off her, silencing her soft protest by pulling her into his arms.
"Better?" he murmured, wrapping his arms around her as she snuggled against his side, her head tucked nicely beneath his chin. She felt so good, her soft curves fitting nicely to his more muscular body, one slim leg sliding over his.
"Than what?" Her voice was soft and teasing, but Jack suddenly felt the weight of a multitude of possible answers. And though it wasn't his initial intent, he asked, "Better than the first time?"
The slim hand that had been idly rubbing his chest stopped. Sam shifted, raising herself onto one elbow and he found himself gazing up at her. Her eyes were intense and serious. "The first time was perfect."
"Yeah, right," he snorted derisively. "You lose your virginity, as a prisoner in some dark and dirty mine, to someone who—"
Two fingers pressed to his lips stopped him, her eyes fierce. "It was my choice." He frowned, but she continued. "All right, it may not have been the ideal time or place, but you," she paused, her eyes turning all at once dreamy and passionate, "you were my choice."
She meant it, he could tell. And while he still wasn't sure he'd ever understand what had driven her to such desperation that she had given herself to him under those circumstances, he was now thankful she had. Relaxing a bit, he drawled, "Not Teal'c?"
A quick look of confusion crossed her lovely features, but then she grinned and relaxed against him, her breasts pressing nicely against his chest. "Not Teal'c," she kissed him, biting teasingly at his lips. "Not Daniel." He snorted and her grin widened for a moment before her beautiful blue eyes once more turned serious. "It's always been you."
She had told him as much earlier, and evidently he was being his usual thickheaded self regarding it. Part of him was still astounded by the fact that this beautiful, talented, smart woman loved him. And the other part? The other part was going to take whatever she had to give him for as long she'd have him—which he planned on being a very long time. Wrapping his arms around her, he rolled them, grinning at her small shriek of surprise, but then she was smiling up at him and he couldn't keep the satisfied smile off his face. "Well, then we'll just have to see about making this relationship stuff work, since I am so convenient and all...." Her quiet chortle of laughter delighted him and leaning closer, he brushed her lips with his and whispered, "And I can't imagine my life without you."
THE END