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“Constantine, Zatanna, and Nightwing.”
Kori tilted her head. “I would have sex with Constantine, marry Zatanna, and kill Nightwing.”
“Really?” Roy raised an eyebrow.
“Of course.” Kori nodded sagely. “Richard and I have already completed two of the three, or at least attempted to, so he falls into the kill category. It is not my wish to kill him, but it is an unfortunate side effect.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t want to fuck Zatanna. She seems a little more your style than Constantine.”
“Oh, I do.” Kori’s smile was wicked. “If she is my wife, then I can have her many, many times.”
Roy howled with laughter. “Work smarter not harder, I like it. For me, it’s easy. Fuck Nightwing, marry Zee, and kill Constantine. That guy’s an ass. What about you, Jason?”
Jason’s stomach twisted at the thought of Roy and Nightwing together. He knew it was all hypothetical, so he shoved his discomfort aside.
They’d been playing this game for the past hour and had made their way through half of the Justice League at this point. They needed some way to pass the time, and Fuck Marry Kill was a great conversation starter. They spent at least thirty minutes debating Lex Luthor, Granny Goodness, and Darkseid.
Everyone agreed that Lex Luthor was both submissive and breedable.
“Fuck Constantine, kill Zatanna, and marry Nightwing.”
Both of his friends’ eyebrows rose at his answer.
“I thought you were not on good terms with Richard.” Kori inquired.
Jason just shrugged. “I’m not really on good terms with Constantine either, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t fuck him.”
He probably shouldn’t be this honest, but the cheap whiskey they’d all passed around earlier was strong as hell, and Jason felt it like liquid warmth, loosening his lips and his carefully controlled self-restraint.
On a night like this, with all three of them around a campfire in the middle of nowhere, swigging straight from the bottle and laughing till their stomachs hurt, Jason’s secrets didn’t seem quite so important. These were his closest friends in the whole world. There was no one else he trusted more than them, both in battle and in life.
On a night like this, he couldn’t see any reason to hide.
“I’m surprised you wouldn’t want to fuck Nightwing. I mean, have you seen that ass? Dayummmm,” Roy whistled.
Kori nodded. “He is a very proficient lover, both on the giving and receiving end.”
That comment received an intrigued look from the archer.
“I dunno.” Jason stared into the fire, watching the golden flames flicker and dance. “I think I want more than that. He’s had so many people love him and leave him, you know? But I wouldn’t. Not unless he wanted me to.”
Roy exchanged a glance with Kori.
Jason kept going, blind to the silent conversation taking place above his head.
“He needs somebody who knows him. Knows he’s not all fucking,” he waved one hand around, trying to find the words, “rainbows and butterflies and shit. Someone who knows he’s mean as hell when he gets mad, and when he’s in a relationship, he’s clingy and jealous as fuck. Not that I would mind,” he added under his breath.
“That does sound like Richard.”
“Oh shit, sorry Kor. I didn’t mean to imply anything about your relationship, I know you two were a great couple and-”
Kori cut him off with a musical laugh. “You are sweet to care, but do not worry. Richard was a great partner, but it was not meant to be. Perhaps if the timing had been different… but I do not have any regrets. I did thoroughly enjoy your analysis of him. Richard is, in fact, ‘clingy and jealous as fuck.’”
Jason nodded. “He’s always been like that, ever since I’ve known him. He acts happy a lot, but I think he’s really, really lonely. For someone like him, friends just aren’t enough.”
“What do you mean?” Roy asked.
“It’s like, they aren’t close enough, you know?” Jason took a moment to figure out how to explain it. “He doesn’t let his friends get close enough. He needs somebody he can’t hide from. Someone who can prove to him with their actions that they’ll stay, and reassure him with their words that he’s, I don’t know. Good enough? That he’s working hard enough? I don’t fucking know.”
Jason shook his head. “He’s the closest thing to human perfection that I’ve ever met, but his self-esteem is in the fucking trash, and this comes from someone who understands low self-esteem.”
Every time Jason thought about it, it made him livid. Why did Dick think so terribly of himself? He could see it in the way he never took care of himself, in the way he blamed himself for every flaw in his relationships, and the way he worked so, so hard to keep people around. To make them stay, like every second anyone spent around him wasn’t a fucking blessing.
Half of Jason’s life had been spent in Dick Grayson’s shadow, but he wouldn’t trade this broken, bitter life for a better one without him. Because it wouldn’t be better if he wasn’t there. It couldn’t be.
Dick was goodness personified, and he deserved to be held and comforted and loved. He deserved to be somebody’s first pick, always. Fuck the ‘right thing to do,’ and fuck the world. Dick Grayson was the fucking world, and he deserved it all.
At this point, Jason’s thoughts were swirling a bit too much to be cohesive, but he tried his best to summarize everything.
“The point being, one fuck isn’t enough. It’s not enough to help him, and it’s sure as fuck not enough for me. I’d rather not have him at all than have him only once. I’d never be able to have sex again, that fucking bastard. I’d also probably have to leave Gotham and move to fucking… Africa or something, I don’t know.”
Roy glanced around pointedly. “Well, you’re halfway there already, seeing as we’re literally in Egypt right now.”
“Right, all that’s left to do is fuck Dick.” Jason snorted. “Fuck dick. That’s funny. I already do that since, ya know, I’m gay and all.”
Kori smiled at both of them, happy to see Jason loose and smiling. He was always so tense, waiting for the next disaster to strike. She understood why he felt like he needed to be so guarded, but it saddened her all the same.
She wanted her friend to be this happy all the time. And if Dick was someone that could make that happen, then she was going to do something about it.
She and Roy were both unable to ignore the longing in Jason’s eyes when he spoke about the older hero, and that had to change. He’s been dealt enough bad hands and impossible dreams.
She was going to make this happen for him, or at least put him in a position where there was a potential for success. Jason was right about Dick too, he was lonely. They were both lonely, and she could honestly see how they would be good for each other.
Yes, she was going to make this happen. She just needed a plan.
…
“You will behave while Richard is with us.” Kori leveled Jason a stern look, and he fought the urge to scoff like a child.
“Yes, mom.”
Instead of getting offended, she just laughed. “It will not be so bad, you’ll see.”
“Yeah Jason,” Roy mocked, punching him on the shoulder. “Loosen up.”
Before Jason could snap at him, Dick’s motorcycle pulled up outside their trailer.
“Perfect, let us go say hello!”
…
Dick didn’t know what case the Outlaws wanted help with, just that Kori messaged him personally and asked for a favor. Apparently the team was in Gotham for a couple of days, and Dick had no problem driving down from Blüdhaven to help out and catch up.
It had been too long since he’d last seen Kori, but it still felt as easy as breathing.
“Richard! Lovely to see you!”
“Right back atcha, Kor!”
Her grin was infectious, and he found himself smiling as he turned to greet the others. Roy clapped a hand on his back with a heartfelt “Yo,” and Jason rolled his eyes.
Maybe it was Dick’s imagination, but his body language seemed a lot more open then before. They’d started working more cases together whenever Jason was in Gotham, and Dick, well… he missed him.
“Little wing!”
Okay, so that was probably the wrong move because Jason’s face lit up pink, and he scowled. “I told you not to call me that, dickface.”
“I’ll stop calling you little wing if you stop calling me dickface,” he winked.
“Fine,” Jason smirked. “Dickhead.” Dick pretended to be offended, but in reality, it was always a treat to see Jason smile.
“So what’s the rundown?”
Jason shrugged. “This is Kori’s super special case, even I don’t know most of the details.”
That was strange. Kori wasn't one to get possessive over a mission like some of the other Titans (including himself). Maybe this one was more personal.
“I will debrief you all in the car.” Kori smiled, then reached out a hand to blend a smudge of foundation on Dick’s face. “I am glad you wore the makeup that I requested, that will save us time. Before we leave though, we must get changed.”
…
Jason now knew why Kori had been so secretive about their mission.
It’s because he would have outright refused if she’d told him the details of the case ahead of time.
He still kinda wanted to yell at her, but he couldn’t do that in front of Dick without explaining why he was so ticked.
Oblivious to Jason’s internal turmoil, the original boy wonder stared at the strip of black leather in his hands with a strange look on his face.
“You want me to wear a collar?”
Jason clenched his eyes shut. Dick was uncomfortable with this. Of course he was uncomfortable with this. He’d always been very deliberate about maintaining his independence, whether that be from Bruce or other people’s expectations.
As easy going as he appeared, Dick actually had a very deep need for control. A lot of the bats were control freaks, but Dick took it to a new level. He just hid it better than the rest of them.
So putting on a collar and allowing someone else to walk him around like they owned him? It must have been like spitting in the face of all he’d worked for.
He could feel himself gearing up to speak, and he knew he shouldn’t do this. He shouldn’t do this, but he already knew he would. He’d walk through fire for Dick Grayson. In comparison, this wasn’t so bad right?
It was definitely a lie, but he clung to it desperately as he snatched the collar out of Dick’s hand.
“I’ll do it.”
All eyes in the car looked at Jason incredulously.
“What?” He snapped. “Someone has to. It’s just acting, anyway.”
“Okay,” Kori nodded. “Jason and Roy being the submissives does not change our plans. I must be the one to speak with the dealer, and Roy has the technology to hack the computers. Therefore, Roy will come with me and Jason will go with Richard.”
Turning back to Dick, Kori clapped her hands together. “You will be able to get us into the club?”
“Of course!” he grinned. “The Richie Wayne card always works.”
“Wonderful! And I must say, everyone looks lovely in their new attires.”
Jason bit back a groan. He’d been trying not to think about their ‘new attires’.
Dick was wearing a tight crop top and black leather pants that dipped into a sharp v in the front. It was super unfair how good he looked in all black, with eyeliner sharp enough to kill.
Roy and Kori were dressed a lot more colorfully. Kori had on a neon pink crop top with orange pants and cheetah print pumps. Slung over her shoulders was Roy’s black suit jacket. Roy, meanwhile, was shirtless, wearing only a pair of tight gold briefs.
Jason himself was wearing a black mesh shirt and a simple pair of stylish black cargo pants. They weren’t all too different from his Red Hood pants, which was definitely A Thought.
“Okay, we’re here!” Roy rubbed his hands together and put the car in park. “It’s showtime.”
Dick placed a hand on Jason's shoulder once they’d gotten out of the car.
“Do you need help with that?”
He gestured to the collar sitting limply in Jason’s hands, and Jason swallowed. Realistically, they don’t have the time to wait for Jason to try and fumble with the clasps. That’s all this was, nothing more. He tried to remind himself of that as he nodded and handed the collar over.
It was a strange experience, having Dick standing at his back, breath tickling the back of his neck. Dick placed the collar on him almost reverently, tracing a finger where the leather met skin.
Jason shivered as Dick murmured in his ear. “There.”
Dick must have misinterpreted the goosebumps breaking out on Jason’s skin, cause he placed a comforting hand on his lower back.
“It’s not too late for us to switch roles. Or we can monitor from the car, I’m sure Kori wouldn’t mind.”
The compassion in Dick’s voice made Jason irrationally angry. He could handle this, it wasn’t a big deal. This was for a case, and the team was counting on them.
“I’m fine,” he bit out. “Let’s just go.”
Predictably, all Dick had to do was bat those pretty eyes for the bouncer to let them in. That was the easy part.
The hard part was everything else.
Because it wasn’t enough for Jason to dress the part and wear a collar. No, he had to act the part too. And that meant allowing Dick to clip a leash to his collar and grab a fistful of hair to disguise his whisper, baring Jason’s neck in the process.
“What do you want to call me?”
Jason floundered. He’d forgotten that he needed to address Dick with an honorific. Dick must have seen the panic in his eyes, because he loosened his grip.
“How do you feel about sir?”
Well, that was better than daddy or boss or something else equally as humiliating. So instead of fleeing back out the door and running until he was miles and miles away like he wanted, he nodded.
“Okay.”
“Okay what?”
Jason swallowed. “Okay sir.”
This was going to kill him.
Part of the reason Jason hated this mission, besides all of the obvious reasons, was the fact that he leaned more submissive in bed.
When he first realized he responded well to someone ordering him around, he stopped having casual sex. He couldn’t afford to let someone else have that much power over him, even a stranger that he could easily overpower. He’d always a complicated relationship with sex, but that was the final nail in the coffin.
He didn’t miss it, not really. Because, as good as it felt, it was never good enough to cancel out the self-loathing that washed over him when he woke up the next morning and remembered how he’d acted the night before. No, it was better not to go there at all.
So this whole case, with Dick pretending to be his dom and Jason needing to look like a convincing sub? It was going to be a disaster.
Because it didn’t escape Jason’s notice that domming came naturally to Dick. It was like watching him put on a second skin, like the way he slipped into his Nightwing persona. His whole personality shifted, right down to the way he was standing and his tone of voice.
Dick’s proclivity towards leadership never bothered Jason too much before. That sharp gaze wasn’t often aimed at him, and whenever it was, Jason was always able to shoot off a sarcastic comment. Then the look that made him want to do whatever Dick asked would be replaced with one of frustration, problem solved.
But there was no shrugging this off. It had to look real, and Jason wouldn’t sabotage Kori’s whole case because he was a coward.
No, he would do what he needed to do for everything to go smoothly. Unfortunately, that would likely include tapping into the side of himself that he’d buried years ago.
Everything would be okay so long as he could convince the others that it was just acting. It would be fine. It would all be fine.
But then Dick tugged him forward by his leash, and he knew all his platitudes were weak and empty. Jason was undoubtably fucked, but there was nothing he could do about it now.
So he followed on Dick’s heels, head down, as they walked further into the club.
The Purple Rose wasn’t what he’d come to expect from a club, but maybe that’s because he was used to the seedy, smoke-filled clubs of his childhood. It was strange, visiting a place where low lighting made a room feel forbidden and exciting instead of grimy.
He supposed Dick and Bruce were used to this— Timmy too, now. But he hadn’t been old enough for missions in upper class clubs like this one when he’d been Robin. And he sure as hell didn’t visit any clubs with Talia; she was far too “old money” for that.
Jason was glad the club still had music with a pretty steady bass line thumping out of the high quality speakers. He wasn’t sure he could handle the unadulterated noises of the other subs and doms, ahem, enjoying themselves.
The most interesting part of the Purple Rose was the entertainment. Unlike most clubs like this, they didn’t hire performers for the stage. Instead, the club members themselves were the entertainment, allowed to go on strange and out on a show, so long as they followed the rules.
Dick walked them past a group of masked subs kneeling at their doms’ feet, an entrance to the gloryhole room, and a female dom watching the stage as her sub sat between her legs, pleasuring her.
Christ.
He tried to keep his gaze straight ahead as Dick led them to a booth on the outskirts of the crowd, close enough to see the stage but a solid distance away from any other groups. Thank god. Jason didn’t need any other eyes watching his performance.
He stayed standing as Dick sprawled on the leather booth, legs spreading in the perfect picture of casual confidence, because of fucking course he looked like sex incarnate. He was the perfect picture of temptation, a leather-clad Mr. Darcy with crystalline eyes and a biting smile.
As Dick crooked one finger to beckon him over, and Jason wondered how much of this was truly an act and how much was Dick tapping into a facet of his own personality. He’d probably never know.
“Why don’t you come sit on my lap, gorgeous?” It wasn’t a question, not really. So Jason lowered himself into Dick’s lap, yelping as the other man pulled both his feet to one side until he was holding him in a pantomime of a cradle.
“You are just a perfect little doll, aren’t you?”
The words felt like honey and poison at the same time. Still, he knew how to respond. He tried to ignore how easy it was to say the words.
“Yes sir.”
Dick’s eyes darkened at Jason’s admittance, and it made him feel hot all over. He knew he wasn't the easiest person to get along with, and that trying to work with him usually felt like pulling teeth. He also knew Dick was probably surprised at how quickly he slid into his lap and the way he was looking up at him from underneath his eyelashes, like there was nowhere else he’d rather be than bracketed in his arms.
It was a complete 180 from earlier in the day, but Jason couldn’t afford to be surly and standoffish right now. Not even to spare his pride.
Dick carded his hand through his hair, stroking and petting the thick strands, and Jason couldn’t help himself. He rested his head on Dick’s chest and let the world fade away for a little bit. He could worry about the case and his traitorous, stupid heart later. Right now, those smooth movements were lulling him into complacency. It didn’t happen often, but today, he let all of those feelings pull him under.
As the music faded in the background and Dick’s fingers wound through his hair, he drifted into sweet unconsciousness.
He wasn’t sure how long he was asleep, only that, as he slowly regained consciousness, someone was lightly scratching their nails across his head, brushing through his hair. It felt so good that he didn’t want to open his eyes.
He eventually gave into the temptation and saw Dick looking down on him, smiling with a hint of amusement.
“Feeling better?”
Jason nodded.
“You must not be getting enough rest, little wing. How long did you sleep last night?”
Jason swallowed. He didn’t want to answer, but Dick placed a finger under his chin so he couldn’t look away. The collar on his neck combined with the gentle reprimand was all it took to push Jason over the edge.
“Three hours, sir.”
Then that soft, small smile turned into a frown, and Jason just barely stopped himself from whining. Dick was unhappy with him.
“When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep?”
Jason just glared at the upholstery to his left. How didn’t want to give Dick any more reasons to be mad at him.
“Be honest.” Dick’s voice was stern, and when he gave the collar a sharp yank on the collar, Jason relented ever so slightly.
“You won’t like the answer.”
He forgot to say sir, but Dick didn’t seem to notice. Instead, something like understanding flashed across his face, and his eyes softened.
“I’m not angry at you, I promise. I just want to know so I can help take care of you.”
It was such a bullshit answer, but for some reason, Jason believed it.
“It’s been a few months, sir.”
Dick nodded. “You forgot to say sir in your previous answer, and you tried to keep something from me even though I specifically asked. You realize I need to punish you for that, right?”
Jason’s face flushed as his brain supplied lots of mental images for how Dick might punish him. Jason didn’t care that they were in public or that he wasn’t a fan of exhibitionism. He’d gladly let Dick do anything he wanted to him, so long as Jason got to keep pretending this was real.
The concern in Dick’s voice, the possessive hand on his hip, the way those blue eyes kept slipping down Jason’s chest, lingering on his pecs outlined in that damned mesh shirt— Jason wanted it all.
“I want you to get on your knees.”
Heat swept through Jason as he obeyed, climbing off Dick’s lap to kneel on the hard floor of the club. He missed Dick’s warmth already, but he couldn’t deny the way it felt to have the older man ordering him around, not even looking at Jason to see if he followed the command. Instead, Dick was fishing in his pocket, eventually pulling out a black strip of fabric.
A blindfold.
The height difference between Dick in the booth and Jason on the floor was enough that Dick had to bend ever so slightly so he could affix the blindfold on the younger man’s face.
“Do you trust me?”
The question felt bigger than the case. It felt important.
Jason swallowed and nodded. He’d already known the answer, even if Dick didn't. He’d known it for a long time. “Yes sir.”
He couldn’t see Dick’s smile but he heard it in his voice. “Good. Stay right there, I’ll be back.”
And then Dick stood up and left, with Jason kneeling by the black leather bench on his own, blindfolded and bound exclusively by trust.
Even though it was stressful that he couldn’t see his surroundings, each new noise or sound causing him to tense, he didn’t move. He wasn’t helpless, even if he sort of felt that way right now. He could fight his way out of the club blindfolded if he needed to, and the types of patrons that frequented the Purple Rose didn’t pose much of a threat.
The deliberate clicking of shoes on linoleum was enough to clue Jason in that Dick was back.
“Look at you, waiting so patiently.” Dick’s voice was smooth and low, almost as if he was talking to himself. “Let me lead, okay?”
Jason nodded, then tensed as a hand touched his face.
“Shhh, it’s okay. Trust me.” Fingertips traced the seam of Jason’s mouth, and he allowed them to breach inside, gently parting his lips until his mouth opened.
Something smooth was pressed inside, then the hand nudged his jaw back up, closing his lips.
“Eat, Jason.”
It was a grape. The fruit burst on his tongue, and Jason’s shoulders slowly relaxed. It was nice to have something to focus on, a task to do.
Once he was done chewing, Dick opened his mouth once more and placed a creamy cheese cube inside.
In any other circumstance, getting fed by someone else would have been beyond humiliating. But in this case, as he drifted deeper into subspace, it was… it was nice.
The food was delicious, fruits and crackers and all sorts of expensive cheeses. He didn’t know much, only that someone was with him, taking care of him. In between bites, he was coaxed into drinking cool, refreshing sips of water.
And all the while, as he was being hand-fed on his knees, a warm hand rubbed his back, and a familiar voice whispered soft, soothing things to him. The voice told him he was a sweet boy, such a good listener, that he was so good to let himself get taken care of like this, such a good boy.
The praise and the touch and the feeling of a full stomach caused something in Jason to come undone. Any sort of resistance that he’d put in place was gone, allowing those kind words to sink straight through his skin and into his bones.
Someone cared for him. He was good. He was fulfilling a purpose, and he was making Sir so happy.
The fingers found his lips again, but this time they paused before placing another item inside.
“This is the last one, baby. I’ve got a treat for you, since you’ve been so good.”
Jason dropped his mouth open to accept whatever the hand had to offer and found that his treat was actually a round piece of chocolate. He rolled it around in his mouth, enjoying the way the decadent dessert melted on his tongue. When the last of it was gone, he fought back a whine that threatened to come out. Instead, he flicked his tongue out and licked the pads of the fingers that still rested on his lips.
He heard a bitten-off noise from above him, but he didn’t pay it attention. He was too busy taking those fingers into his mouth and laving his tongue against them, searching for any trace or hint of chocolate.
Once there was no more, the fingers reluctantly retreated.
“I don’t know how anybody hasn’t snatched you up already,” the voice murmured.
Jason couldn’t help but lean towards the sound, already missing the comfort of skin on skin. He needed more contact, this wasn’t enough. He was untethered, drifting. He needed more, he needed-
“Come here baby.”
Hands gently guided him to his feet and back into that comforting embrace.
“Are you okay with me taking the blindfold off now? It might be a little bright.”
Jason nodded, and the blindfold came off. He could have cried when that beautiful familiar face swam into view. For so long he’d wanted that particular face to give him that particular look, eyes tender and so, so accepting.
“How are you feeling? Use your words this time.”
Jason fought the fuzziness in his mind so he could follow the command. “Good. I feel good, sir. And sleepy.”
Dick’s huffed a laugh. “I’m sure you are. You haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately.” He ran his fingers through Jason’s hair, and the sensation caused the younger boy’s eyes to flutter shut. “You can rest now. I’ve got you.”
Jason didn’t know how long he laid there drifting in and out of sleep, soothed by all the soft touches and the feeling of being held. It somehow felt like forever and no time at all.
His dreamlike state was unfortunately interrupted when an unfamiliar voice spoke nearby.
“You’re way too soft on him. You’ve got to discipline your subs if you want them to stay in line. Hell, if I had a sub with a mouth like that, I’d never let him off his hands and knees.”
Jason felt Dick’s arms tighten around him, his grip flexing on Jason’s waist. When he laughed, it was lighthearted, but Jason could tell that it was strained.
“We’ve all got our different styles. I like to focus more on rewards than punishments.”
“Your loss.”
Jason finally pried open his eyes to see who was speaking. It was a middle aged man in an expensive suit, and he was eyeing Jason like he was a prime ribeye steak. Jason vaguely recognized him from the photos Kori showed them on their way to the club. He was one of their targets.
Damn, that made this a lot more complicated.
“I’d keep all those pretty holes stuffed up if I were you. A whore’s gotta learn their place, after all.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Say, why don’t you let me borrow him for a little bit? Just a couple hours, nothing crazy. You’ll be compensated very well.”
The man reached out to touch Jason’s inner thigh, but inches before his hand met skin, Dick grabbed him around the wrist.
It wouldn’t be noticeable to someone who didn’t know him well, but Dick’s body was thrumming with tension, taut as a wire. “Thank you for the offer, but I don’t share.”
The man’s gaze lingered on Jason’s body, making him want to hide. He seemed especially interested in the exposed section of skin between Jason’s mesh shirt and the top of his pants.
“Shame,” he drawled. “If you ever change your mind, here’s my number.”
He handed Dick a card that got immediately pocketed, then left to prowl closer to the stage, where a woman in skimpy lingerie was crying as her partner whipped her.
“We could have used that to our advantage.” Jason wasn’t fully back to himself, but that entire exchange had pulled him out of subspace enough that he could recognize they’d just let an opportunity walk away.
Dick turned back to face him, eyes dark. “There are other ways.” He placed a hand on Jason’s cheek, and some of the clouds in his eyes dissipated. “I would never let him lay a finger on you, little wing. A lead is never worth that. Never.”
Jason swallowed back the emotion in his throat, stuffing it down somewhere deep to examine another time. He was still getting used to Kori and Roy’s version of looking out for him. He didn’t think… He knew Dick cared about him, but Dick cared about everybody. That was just who he was.
And yet, Jason could tell from the angle of his hand that he’d been two seconds away from breaking that man’s wrist when he tried to touch him. That wasn’t typical. Rule number one for cases was to keep your emotions in check. Emotions were a liability in the field— they could lead to recklessness and make a person easier to manipulate. If anyone got too close to a case, Bruce often reassigned it to someone else, someone who could keep a cool head. It was a good rule, and it kept them from getting sloppy.
Dick was a professional. He’d been doing this longer than any of them, with the exception of Bruce and Alfred. Yet he’d almost let his emotions interfere with their case.
The thought shocked Jason to his core. Dick was… compromised.
He’d seen the man stay in control when faced with countless child hostage situations (which, Jason knew, were the cases that caused him the most sleepless nights), and yet the thing that almost made him lose his cool was Jason.
It felt like some sort of revelation.
A flash of orange caught Jason’s eye, and he saw Kori and Roy making their way towards them, albeit in a roundabout manner so they wouldn’t appear suspicious.
Dick must have seen them too, because he turned to Jason with a new urgency in his eyes.
“Can I take you home with me tonight?”
Jason gaped at him. “Um. What?”
“Whenever I’m with a sub, it’s really important that I have time to fully bring them back up and take care of them.” He cut himself off, biting his lip. “It would really, really help me if I could spend the night with you tonight. I just need to…”
Ah. He needed to make sure Jason was okay after everything that had happened. Most people knew about aftercare for subs, but they often didn’t realize that doms needed aftercare too. It made sense that Dick needed contact and reassurance as a part of his aftercare.
Jason didn’t really want to go home with Dick. Well, that was a lie. He wanted it too much, in a way that he knew would never be possible. This whole scene tonight had been like something from one of his daydreams, one where the prince swept the heroine off her feet and carried her into the sunset.
It was wonderful, and it would hurt like a bitch when he was fully out of subspace and the self-loathing flooded in. He wanted to be in his own safehouse when it happened, or at least in the trailer with Kori and Roy so he’d have some sort of distraction.
But Dick needed to take care of him, and Jason couldn’t deny him that. Knowing Dick, he’d say it was fine if Jason turned him down, but he’d actually be messed up about it for weeks afterwards. Jason couldn’t do that to him, especially after how gently he’d treated him tonight.
“You can take me home, but you’re explaining it to Kori and Roy.”
…
The ride back to Dick’s apartment was peaceful, mostly because they were on Dick’s motorcycle, which made talking basically impossible.
Jason couldn’t ignore how loud the silence was when they made it inside and it was finally just the two of them.
They were both still in their club clothes, and Dick stood out like a sore thumb in his apartment living room, looking like something out of teenage-Jason’s wet dreams. Who was he kidding? He looked like something out of adult-Jason’s wet dreams too. But then again, that was nothing new.
Dick must have noticed the silence too, because he immediately began to fill it with a flood of words. “Did you want to shower tonight? I can get the water going for you if you want. Or I’ve got a set of clothes in my bedroom that you can borrow if you’re ready to go to bed now.”
It was kind of enduring, how nervous Dick seemed to be. He was Dick fucking Grayson for crying out loud. What did he have to be nervous about?
“A shower’s good.”
“Perfect! I’ll go get it warmed up.”
Once Dick grabbed the clothes and got the water going, he hovered next to Jason in the bathroom.
“Can I,” he cleared his throat, “can I help you with that?”
It took a couple seconds for Jason to realize Dick was talking about his collar. His face heated up as he realized he had it on.
“Sure.” He held his breath as Dick moved behind him, so close that they were almost pressed against each other.
Dick undid the clasp then gently removed the leather from his neck.
“There you go.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Now you’re all set.”
“Dick, I-”
“Jason-“
Jason turned around to face him at the same time as Dick started talking.
“Oh,” Dick smiled, just a little awkwardly. “You can go first.”
But now that they were face to face, he wasn’t sure what to say. Sending his hesitation, Dick spoke.
“I really liked getting to take care of you today.”
Jason nodded, face burning. “It was… good.”
“Really?”
His whole face lit up, and Jason rolled his eyes. “Yes, really. You’re good at that.”
And now Dick was back to bashful. “Well, you make it easy.”
“You’re so full of shit, Grayson,” he grumbled, shoving Dick’s shoulder. But instead of Dick moving aside to let him pass, he grabbed Jason’s wrist and stepped closer.
“That’s not what you were saying in the club.”
And suddenly it was hard to breathe. Dick was using that voice again, the one that made Jason’s entire brain rearrange itself, desperate to listen and obey.
They held that pose, neither one moving, as Jason waited for something to happen. They were right on the cusp of something, though he wasn’t sure exactly what.
But in the end, Dick dropped his hand. “I’ll see you after your shower.”
Jason tried not to feel too disappointed.
…
Dick left an outfit for him on the bathroom counter for when he got out of the shower, and Jason didn’t want to put it on.
Because those were Dick’s clothes. He’d seen him wear them around his apartment before, and they smelled like the fancy shampoo Dick used way too much of.
He stared at the pile of clothes, folded neatly into a little stack, and thought about all the choices he made in his life that led him to this moment, dripping water all over Dick’s bathroom floor.
He couldn’t stand there forever, as much as he wanted to. Dick would likely get suspicious and knock on the door, and wouldn’t that be something? Cause there was no way he could explain why he didn’t want to wear Dick’s clothing, no way in hell.
So with a sigh, he finished toweling off his hair and put on the clothes. On the upside, at least they were soft. On the downside, they included Nightwing-themed boxers, which he knew was meant to be a joke but hit a little bit too close to home.
Dick was seated at his four-person Ikea table when he came out, two plates in front of him and a bowl of leftover alfredo pasta right in the middle.
“I made food,” Dick smiled.
“I think ‘made’ is a bit of a stretch, but sure.”
Dick scooped each of them a portion, and Jason tried not to think about the last time he ate, the way Dick’s fingers felt in his mouth,
“So,” Dick said, when the silence had gone on for a few minutes too long. “How are you feeling?”
And there it was. Jason had been waiting for this. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend to care.” And that was definitely the wrong wording, because Dick’s face contorted in pain.
“I do care.”
“Shit, that came out wrong. It’s just- we don’t have to do this. Talk about it, I mean.”
“You don’t think there’s anything to talk about?”
Jason turned away so he wouldn’t have to look into Dick’s eyes. He was way too observant, and Jason was way too emotionally raw for this conversation. But he had to do something, or else Dick would emotionally strong arm him into talking and then he’d let something slip and then…
Well, he wasn’t sure exactly what would happen after that, but at best it would be pity and at worst, disgust.
“No, I don’t.”
“That’s interesting,” Dick’s eyes glittered dangerously, and that’s when Jason knew he was in deep, deep shit. “Because I’ve never had that much chemistry with a sub before in my entire life. And you’re telling me you didn’t feel it?”
Jason swallowed. “Nope, nothing at all.”
“Jason,” Dick snapped in his dom voice. “Why are you lying to me?”
“Because the chemistry doesn’t matter!” He exploded. “I can’t be your scene partner, or someone you fuck around with, or a person you flirt with every once and a while. It has to be all or nothing, and I know you don’t want a relationship with me, so it has to be nothing. The chemistry doesn’t matter,” he repeated miserably.
Welp, there goes three years of rebuilding his relationships with the family and Sunday dinners at the manor and joint patrols. At least it was finally out in the open. Maybe he’d be able to put it all behind him now and move on.
And then he realized Dick was glaring at him. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”
“I’m an idiot because you’re my type? Nice self-burn.”
“Have you ever considered that I might want a relationship with you?” Dick forged on, ignoring Jason’s attempts at deflection.
He blinked and answered honestly. “Um, no?”
“Jesus, Jace. Give a guy a chance before you automatically write him off the list.”
Jason scowled. “Well excuse me for assuming that the golden boy of Gotham wouldn’t want to date the family fuck up. Seems like a reasonable fucking assumption.”
Dick’s expression darkened. “You aren’t the family fuck up.”
“Yeah? Tell that to Bruce.”
“I don’t care what Bruce thinks. You’ve done just as much for Gotham as the rest of us, and you did it while fighting the effects of the Lazarus pit. You’re determined and resourceful and… and passionate and strong-”
“Okay,” Jason laughed uncomfortably. “That’s enough.” But Dick didn’t stop. Instead, his expression softened.
“You’re beautiful and kind and you care about people so, so much. What part of that sounds like a fuck up to you?”
“Uh, maybe the part where I tried to kill Tim and tear down everything Bruce worked for?”
Dick just rolled his eyes. “Do you remember when I was Talon for a hot second there? I literally stabbed Bruce through the shoulder.”
“But that was different,” Jason argued. “You were under the court’s control at the time.”
Dick nodded. “And you were manipulated by Talia.”
“That’s not the same thing, I had full control of my actions every step of the way.”
“Did you?” Dick’s voice was soft. “What would have happened if you’d told Talia no?”
“I woulda gone back to Gotham; I was free to leave any time. She told me I could go back to Bruce if I wanted. I chose not to.”
“Who would want to return to a so-called family who left your killer alive, didn’t seem to mourn you, and replaced you within two years? Sure, it was an ‘option,’ but Talia made sure it wasn’t an option you’d ever want to choose. She loves giving people the illusion of choice, all the while keeping a tight grip on the reins.”
“I know what she’s fucking like,” he scowled.
“The point is,” Dick reached over and placed his hand on Jason’s arm, taking care to keep his touch feather light. “I don’t hold what you’ve done in your past against you. To me, it’s not a good enough reason not to date you. So what else ya got?”
Jason blinked. “Are you seriously asking me to convince you that you shouldn’t be with me?”
Dick laughed. “Well you’re the only one with objections, so I figured we could get them all out of the way at once.”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re so weird, but fine. You shouldn’t date me because no one would approve.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks, next.”
“Uh, okay. Big blue and the others don’t really approve of me and my merry band of outlaws. You might get kicked off the league.”
Dick outright laughed at that. “Uh-huh, sure. Next.”
“Bruce is going to lecture you about it until you break up with me.”
“He literally already does that, every single day of my life, next.”
Jason’s voice lost whatever teasing edge had been there. “I’m not- I’m not dating material, Dick. I’ve never held down a relationship, I’m not even sure if I’m capable of anything long term. I have a list of issues longer than I can count, and I… I don’t think I can be the guy that you seem to think I am.”
Dick took Jason’s hand in his and waited until he met his gaze. “I have just as many issues as you do, I’m just better at hiding it. And honestly? I don’t think I’m viewing you with rose colored glasses. I know you, Jason. And I’ve felt this way for a while.”
Jason took a second to absorb that. “… how long is a while?”
Dick smiled, chagrined. “I might have gone on a tangent at Donna’s birthday party last year about how infuriatingly good at everything you are. Ranted for an hour straight, half the guests left early and the other half were ignoring me by the end.”
Jason whistled. “Damn, Goldie.”
“Oh that’s not even the worst part. I spent a better half of that rant describing in excruciating detail how envious I was of your thighs. Donna politely informed me that I wasn’t envious, I was jealous because I wanted to be between them. She was right of course, and I got so flustered when you called me on coms the next week that I crashed my motorcycle into a building.”
“That’s why you crashed?!” Jason remembered that night. He’d assumed Dick was overworking himself like he usually did, so he dropped Chinese food off at his place the next day.
“Yeah,” Dick laughed, but his cheeks were pink. “I was pretty stupid over you. Still am, actually.”
Jason closed his eyes, then decided to be honest. He’d tried running from his feelings and he’d tried hiding them. He hadn’t yet tried telling the truth. Maybe this would all go to hell, but maybe it wouldn’t.
Besides, Roy and Kori would murder him if he told them he let this opportunity slip through his fingers.
“I’m pretty stupid for you too, if we’re putting our cards on the table.”
“Good,” Dick smiled. “Wanna be stupid together?”
“God, you’re such a dork,” Jason groaned.
“Yup! But I’m not the one who has a crush on me.”
“Ugh, shut up.”
“Make me,” Dick’s grin was mischievous.
“Really? What are we, in 5th grade?”
Dick wrinkled his nose. “You better hope not, cause I’ve got plans for you.”
“Plans?” Jason raised an eyebrow.
Dick reached into his pocket and pulled out the black collar Jason had worn at the club. “Plans.”
He wasn’t sure who stood up first, but then they were up against one of the kitchen walls, hands grasping and mouths connected and tongues intertwined. Jason put up a good fight, but Dick was as controlling with his kisses as he was with everything else. After a few seconds, Jason gave up and let Dick angle his head and bite his lip and dominate his mouth. He kinda wanted to hate it on principle, but there was something about being ravished that felt so. damn. good.
They hadn’t even done more than kiss yet, but Jason already knew what he’d said during that game of fuck marry kill was true. Sex with Dick was going to ruin him forever. But honestly, as long as Dick kept moving his tongue like that, he didn’t even care.
It wasn’t until Jason was spread out on Dick’s bed that it hit him– Kori had attended Donna’s birthday party the previous year. That meant she’d heard Dick’s rant about Jason’s thighs and Jason’s drunken fuck marry kill confession.
“Holy shit, we totally got set up, didn’t we?”
Dick smiled into the hollow of Jason’s throat, where he’d been mouthing a hot line of bite marks across his collar bones. “I figured it was a set up from the moment I got her text.”
“And you didn’t say anything?!”
Dick rolled his hips forward, and Jason bucked at the pressure. “You complaining?”
“Nope,” he gasped as Dick’s slick tongue traced a line up his throat. “Absolutely not. In fact, why don’t we send her a fruit basket as a thank you.”
“Later,” Dick murmured distractedly, running his hands down Jason’s sides and up underneath his shirt. “I’ve got a better idea of how to spend our time tonight.”