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“Because one of your friends got sick-”
“Must we consider ourselves friends with everyone in here?” Marlene mumbled under her breath, “I don’t like half of the people in here!”
“Only half? I don’t like three-quarters of the people,” Frank shrugged, giving a fake but convincing smile to the nurse when she looked over at the table.
“I like you three?”
“I like no one,” Remus grumbled, head resting on the table and a hospital gown wrapped around his shoulders making the gang laugh quietly.
One thing that many people don’t realize is that when you get sick in a mental hospital ward, the staff will take steps to try to limit the spread of the illness. This, however, meant that everyone was wearing medical masks and any clothes that were “contaminated” (as the nurses put it) had to be cleaned. It made sense, but it was annoying to have to wear a mask for long periods of time. So when a young child threw up on Remus’ clothes, all of his clothes were taken to be cleaned and sanitized and he was forced to wear a hospital gown until his clothes were able to be worn again.
“You don’t look that bad-”
“No, he looks like shit. Trauma turns a once fine young gentleman into… well… that.”
“At least Frank is honest! Thank you, Frank.”
“So do you at least like me now?”
“No, you laughed when that little bitch-”
“Mr Lupin, language!”
“Sorry, Umbridge,” he called back in a bored tone, hearing his friends stifle their laughter. “You laughed when that little angel threw up on me and then laughed harder when they took away my clothes and forced me to shower for the second time today!”
“So you wouldn’t have wanted to shower-”
“Of course I wanted to fucking shower but that’s beside the point!”
“Mr Lupin, language!”
“Sorry, Umbridge!”
“It’s only 9:15 am,” a nurse whispered with an amused look as she placed medical masks on top of the table in front of the gang. “I still have more than 5 hours working with Doloras, would you mind not pissing her off anymore?”
“Sorry, but she-”
“Yes yes, I know, Miss McKinnon. You don’t like her-”
“Because-”
“Because she’s an old nurse and her tactics and practices should not be used with children, I know, Mr Lupin. And before you say it, Mr Longbottom, I know you are teenagers and not children but for the sake of all things considered, my point is still correct.”
“I will behave, I have no problem behaving,” Dorcas shrugged with an innocent smile.
“Bullshit!”
“Language, you three!”
“Sorry, Umbridge,” Marlene, Frank, and Remus yelled back.
“I love how she still yells at us even though you’re standing right next to us.”
“She hates everyone equally,” the nurse replied. “Anyway, put on the masks and we’ll give you some new ones for tomorrow. When you are done eating then you can go hang out in the common room until group-”
“Wait, why do we have masks?”
“Were any of you four listening while Doloras was speaking?”
“Uhh…”
“I was,” Remus grumbled, finally pushing himself up to sit in his chair. “Masks are to be worn at all times unless we are in our rooms so that the illness of that little-”
“Remus!”
“I was going to say gift of God, Marlene!”
“Bullshit-”
“Miss McKinnon! No dessert for you or your friends tonight, please stop using such foul language!”
“That’s a new record, before 9:20 am,” the nurse mumbled as she looked at her watch. “The other nurses owe me some money.”
“Do you bet on us? Is that even allowed?!”
“Not at all,” the nurse winked at Remus. “Alright you four, I’ll check on you in a bit. Please… just try to behave a little bit.”
“No promises,” the gang smiled innocently only to make the nurse sigh and roll her eyes as she walked away.
“I don’t understand why we have to wear our masks outside, we’re in fresh air!”
“We’re all at the picnic bench though so there’s not a lot of space between us which means that even though we’re in the fresh air, illnesses can still spread easily between us.”
“Okay, Mr I-would-survive-a-pandemic.”
“I never said-”
“It’s cool, Remus,” Frank shrugged. “We just know that you would abide by all the rules if a pandemic were to happen and you would survive.”
“A pandemic will never happen though-”
“They happen every 100-ish years,” Remus stated with a raised eyebrow. “The plague, Cholera, Spanish flu, and others. If you think about it-”
“No, don’t you dare, Remus Lupin! How will I have a hot girl summer if I have to wear a mask like this?”
“Make your eye makeup better?”
“I hate you,” Marlene whispered. “Dorcas? I hate him. Frank?”
“What did I do?! I haven’t said anything!”
“I just hate men,” she shrugged.
“Me too,” Dorcas and Remus agreed quickly.
“But… Remus is a man-”
“Gay man, I don’t count.”
“I don’t think that’s how that works…“
“No, it is. Marlene can back me up on this. When women say they hate all men, that does not include the gay men.”
“It’s true.”
“So I’m the only one hated here?”
“You don’t count, you’re like…”
“Honourary gay?” Dorcas offered.
“Feminine?” Marlene added.
“Hey!”
“I was thinking more of an ally but some allies really suck.”
“Should I be offended by this?”
“Take it as a compliment and run- Wait, if a pandemic were to happen, would athletes also need to wear masks?”
“Unless there was enough space between them and any other athletes, I would assume that they would have to wear them, so yes,” Remus nodded.
“I would not want to wear a mask while doing any sort of physical exercise,” Marlene mumbled in horror. “I mean, exercise, in general, is awful but add a mask on top of that? No thank you.”
“Can we go back to deciding what I am? Because-”
“A pain in the ass?”
“Annoying?”
“A little bitch?”
“I mean in terms of hating all men,” Frank retorted with an eye roll. “You’re all so fucking sweet to me.”
“You love us and we love you,” Dorcas smiled. “But you aren’t a part of the men we hate because you’re, like, you’re you.”
“What? That doesn’t-”
“You’re one of the good and honest allies,” Marlene explained. “The ones who don’t just say that they’re an ally because they want to avoid coming off as homophobic or transphobic even though they make questionable comments. You genuinely don’t care and also you’re just one of the few men I would trust without hesitation.”
“Exactly. Men fucking suck, but I think both Remus and I can agree that Marlene put it perfectly.”
“Mhmm…”
“Remus? Man?”
“Yes?” Remus softly spoke from where his head was now resting in his hands.
“Do you want us to change the subject? You’re not looking so good…”
“No... I’m okay…”
“Are you sure? Because-”
Before Frank could finish his sentence, Remus couldn’t hold it back anymore as he ripped off his mask and threw up all over the table and his friends.
“Shit!”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry-”
“If I couldn’t see how sick you were, I’d fucking kill you,” Marlene whispered, not moving and trying not to think of what was on her clothes.
“Hey, nurse?! Uh, Remus is sick…”
“I thought he would probably get sick,” the nurse frowned sadly as she walked over. “Okay, Mr Longbottom and Miss McKinnon, you two can go inside and shower, I will have some gowns brought to the bathrooms for you. Miss Meadows, you can go to your room and I’ll bring you some gowns you can change into until your shower when I can get you some new ones.”
“But-”
“No buts, you know the rules we went over this morning.”
“But hospital gowns…”
“They aren’t fun, I know, but we can’t have any of you getting sick.”
“Too late for that… I’m so sorry-”
“Honey, you don’t need to apologize, everybody gets sick.”
“We’ll take the apology when you’re feeling better and when you can laugh at us three now joining you in hospital gowns,” Frank grumbled. “Just get better soon so I can kick your ass in Uno as soon as possible.”
“Go shower you two, I’ll take care of Remus but you guys need to go get clean and Dorcas you need to go change out of those clothes.”
“Yes, ma'am. See you soon, Remus,” the gang chorused.
(The next day)
“At least we’re matching now?...”
“Shut the fuck up, Remus,” Frank glared.
“Guys…I think Dorcas-”
“I mean you guys did laugh at me but I didn’t try to throw up on you guys!”
“Boys?.. Dorcas-”
“But you could have turned around!”
“Idiots?”
“I wasn’t focused on that!”
“I tried,” Marlene whispered as she held Dorcas’ hair.
“But you could have-”
Before Frank could finish his sentence, Dorcas couldn’t hold it back anymore, she lowered her mask and threw up all over the table and Remus and Frank.
“I… am never speaking again,” Frank whispered with a pained look on his face. “This is the second time I’ve been interrupted like this…”
“I’m so sorry-”
“No apologizing,” Marlene interrupted sternly. “I tried to warn them and they didn’t listen.”
“Oh, Miss Meadows… seems as though you are the next victim. Alright, Mr Lupin and Mr Longbottom-”
“We know the drill,” the two boys mumble quietly, slowly standing up from their seats.
Thankfully the mask mandate only lasted for four days and life in the mental hospital returned back to normal fairly quickly. All of the gang got sick and they were all stuck in hospital gowns for a while with a grudge for each other that was held for a week, but they were able to laugh about it… two weeks later. They laughed especially hard at how thankful they were that they would never have to experience a pandemic in their lifetime. After all, a pandemic would never happen in today’s day and age and even if it did, it would only last two weeks, right?