Archive of Our Own

Beomgyu wakes up feverish and hot all over and he just knows. He’s had the flu before, and a bad case of pneumonia once. This is neither.

His sheets stick to his skin and he has to peel himself off his bed, a herculean effort with how badly his head throbs. He takes a solid five minutes to sit himself up properly, then another five to swallow down the bile in his throat. By the time he manages to fish out his phone, his hands are shaking.

He should call their manager. It’s protocol—when somebody presents, they notify management straight away. That’s what they did for Taehyun and that’s what they did for Kai.

Their manager is a beta too. He’ll have no issues in making sure Beomgyu has everything he needs. Putting aside the fact Beomgyu is contractually obligated to contact him first, he’s the most logical choice.

Beomgyu should really call their manager.

He calls Soobin.

Their rooms are beside each other, and he hears Soobin’s phone ring once, twice, three times. Soobin is a heavy sleeper on a good day; it’s not unreasonable to think he might not wake up.

On the fifth ring, he hears the bed shoved against the other side of the wall creak, then Soobin’s voice, gruff and low from sleep, comes through the receiver: “Beomgyu?”

“Hyung,” he says. His throat is so sore. He needs water desperately; he must be insanely dehydrated from how badly he’s sweating. “Hyung, I think I’m presenting.”

The line drops.

Beomgyu’s door swings open a moment later.

Beomgyu’s heard stories about how the senses change after you present, but hearing and experiencing it firsthand are two different things. His vision literally blurs when he catches Soobin’s scent. It’s so much stronger than normal. A forest on an autumn evening. He can smell each leaf, each airy note.

Something wet rolls down his thighs. Beomgyu groans, pressing his legs together in a way he hopes is subtle enough that Soobin won’t realise it’s a reaction to him.

“Shit,” Soobin whispers. He’s cute like this, frazzled and half-asleep. Not the time, Beomgyu’s rational mind supplies to him, while his newborn omega instincts preen at Soobin being so worried, all for him. “Shit. Shit.”

“I’m so hot,” Beomgyu bemoans. He tips his head back and closes his eyes. More of Soobin’s scent fills his lungs. More slick drips out of him. His heart is pounding like crazy.

“What do you need?” Soobin takes a tentative step forward, like he’s scared to walk too far into Beomgyu’s room. If Beomgyu had better control over his muscles, he would get up and pull Soobin onto his bed. It’s probably for the best he can’t muster the energy to drag him over.

“Water. Cold.” He licks his lips and thinks. Protocol. There’s a protocol for this, even if he failed step one. “Call management. And…”

“And?” Soobin prompts. Beomgyu opens his eyes and sees him already on his phone, finger hovering over their manager’s number.

He takes in another breath. It’s like his room has been transformed into a forest.

“Your hoodie?” Beomgyu asks, batting his lashes, giving Soobin his most practised pair of puppy dog eyes.

Soobin’s breath hitches. He laughs, “You sure you don’t want Yeonjun hyung’s?”

Yeonjun’s scent is pleasant. It’s sharper, a rich spice, less relaxing and more the sort that gives him a rush of energy. He imagines now that he’s presented, it’ll light his insides on fire. It already does. It’s nice; it’s a good way to keep him awake.

But it’s not Soobin’s. Soobin’s is soft and calm. And with how badly Beomgyu’s head hurts and his muscles are tensed, he needs calm.

He shakes his head. “Please?” he pouts.

By the way Soobin hesitates, he knows he’s already won. Soobin sets his phone down on Beomgyu’s desk, still on the contacts screen, and tugs his hoodie off and over his head.

It hits Beomgyu right in the face when he throws it straight across the room. Beomgyu clutches it tight to his chest. He doesn’t bury his face in it yet, because even though he’s going into heat he hasn’t lost all semblance of propriety. But only just.

“Thank you,” he murmurs.

“Of course.” Soobin sighs. “Okay, I’ll… I’ll get you water, then call hyung. Don’t move.”

“Do you think I can move?” Beomgyu asks, snorting. He squishes his thighs closer together. If he were to stand up, he’s sure a fountain of slick would pour out. He’s sitting down right now, clenched tight to stop the flow, and it’s still getting all over his sheets.

“Fair enough.” Soobin gives him a tired smile. “I’ll be right back.”

The moment he’s gone, Beomgyu shoves his nose into Soobin’s hoodie and moans. Soobin must’ve slept in it. The scent is so fucking strong.

If Beomgyu were to think rationally, he would recognise that spending the first heat with an alpha’s clothing by his side—his best friend that he’s been in love with since the day they met as unpresented teenagers—is a terrible idea. For many reasons.

But he’s not thinking rationally. He shouldn’t have to; he’s the one in heat. And since Soobin, the mature and responsible one between them, doesn’t bring it up, can Beomgyu be faulted for not speaking up either?

Soobin spends the rest of the day flitting in and out of Beomgyu’s room. He’s the only one allowed in aside from their manager, because he already exposed himself to Beomgyu’s scent and vice versa. No point in keeping them separated now.

Their manager is pissed at Beomgyu for calling Soobin before him, but there was a reason for that, and Beomgyu doesn’t regret his choice at all. He doubts Soobin would have appreciated being locked out of Beomgyu’s room all week, unable to check on his condition. This way was better for both of them.

Beomgyu has to say, Soobin’s self-control is impressive. Yeonjun’s too, for that matter, though he’s confined to restlessly pacing outside Beomgyu’s room, banned from stepping inside. Beomgyu is sure his scent must be like ambrosia in the air, arousal thick and clear, and yet neither of them do anything untoward to him. No matter how badly his scent signals for it.

It’s a little annoying, because he wishes somebody would break down his door and fuck him, but their consideration is sweet.

“I have more water,” Soobin says. Beomgyu rolls onto his back so he can tilt his head to the door. His limbs are like jelly. It hasn’t even been a day, but it’s felt like years. The pain isn’t too bad, but the discomfort is immense.

Things would be so much better if Soobin just fucked him. That’s not even just his heat talking. Beomgyu always wants Soobin to fuck him—it’s only that now it would actually be helpful.

“Can’t move,” Beomgyu mumbles. He’s not even trying to entice Soobin to come closer; he literally couldn’t move even if he wanted to. His stomach is cramping like crazy, and every twitch of his body is like a knife through his gut. He’s so fucking empty, too. Everything feels wrong, like he’s off balance despite the fact he’s lying down.

“Do you need me to—”

“Please,” Beomgyu says.

Soobin shuts the door behind them and then locks it before making his way across the room, two ice cold bottles in his hand.

“You’ll need to sit up,” Soobin says, sounding apologetic.

Beomgyu groans. He does his best to move on his own, but in the end Soobin has to help him, supporting his back until he can lean against the headboard on his own.

“Is it that bad?” Soobin’s fingers run through his hair. He rarely ever plays with Beomgyu’s hair; that’s more Yeonjun’s thing. Soobin has long fingers though, and they drag harder across Beomgyu’s scalp. A little pleasant tingle runs down his spine.

“It doesn’t hurt that bad. It…” Speaking is much more difficult when Soobin is distracting him like this, nails running down Beomgyu’s scalp, like he’s some sort of animal. He might as well be. He certainly feels like one. “It’s just a lot. It’s really… uncomfortable.”

Soobin’s scent spikes with worry and Beomgyu’s mouth literally waters.

How the fuck does Soobin smell so good? Beomgyu wants to bury himself against Soobin’s chest and wrap around him like an octopus.

“I see,” Soobin says simply, and Beomgyu can tell from his expression that he doesn’t quite get it. “Well, here. Water should help. Open up.”

Beomgyu’s cheeks flush and he tries not to let his stupid brain run off with those words into an inappropriate direction, but he fails. He’s glad his scent is so muddled from his heat that the flare in his body at the image he conjures doesn’t change it any.

Open up. God, Beomgyu is a horrible friend, but he would do anything for Soobin to repeat those words in another context right now.

His lips part and Soobin presses the bottle of water to his mouth, tipping his head back until it flows down. He does it slowly, giving Beomgyu time to swallow, and the rush of cold that goes through him is just incredible.

He drinks it all down without breaks, with Soobin’s hand guiding him, holding him steady.

The tip of the bottle slips away from his lips and Beomgyu sighs happily. Some of the fog in his brain lifts dissipates. He feels more like a human being now.

“Better?” Soobin questions.

It’ll only last for a few minutes, maybe half an hour at most, but he nods. “You can leave the other one here.”

“Alright.” Soobin sets the other bottle on Beomgyu’s bedside table, then throws the empty one into the trash underneath it.

His eyes land on his own hoodie, spread over Beomgyu’s pillow, and while it’s dark in Beomgyu’s room, he’s sure Soobin has good enough eyesight with his glasses on to see the wet stains on the fabric.

It no longer smells like Soobin, or not wholly so. It’s like a weird mix of them, though Beomgyu can’t place what his own scent is. His brain is too overwhelmed to process the actual smell of it.

“What do I smell like now?” Beomgyu asks, while Soobin is dazed. He wants to know before tomorrow, when his heat gets so bad he won’t be able to talk.

“Huh?”

“My scent.” Beomgyu sniffs the air, jokingly showing him how to smell.

“It’s really light. Kind of like oranges?” Soobin’s face twists like he’s deep in thought. “It doesn’t suit you at all.”

Beomgyu barks out a laugh. “You don’t think I’m fruity enough?”

The eye roll Soobin gives him is legendary. “Not what I meant. I just expected something… stronger.”

A few months ago, a week after Beomgyu’s birthday, they held a late party for him and took guesses on what his scent would be. Soobin guessed chocolate then. Beomgyu wonders if he’s disappointed by how light it is compared to the richness he was expecting.

“Is it bad?”

Soobin instantly shakes his head. “Not at all,” he hurries to say. “It’s… no, it’s really nice. It’s not what I expected, but it’s nice. Don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worrying,” Beomgyu teases, even though he absolutely was.

Soobin scoffs at him. “Get some rest. Call me if you need me.”

Beomgyu hums. He watches as Soobin stands and leaves; he hears Yeonjun speak quietly to him in the hall, but their voices are too soft for Beomgyu to listen in on.

He’s glad his first heat came now, in between two comebacks. It’s been an actual fear that he would present during promotions and they’d have to cancel half their schedules because of him. They have little to do right now though, nothing urgent at least, and he’s free to ride out his first heat in peace. As peaceful as a first heat can be.

The next day is worse, as expected, and the next one is even worse than worse, to the point where Soobin has to hand off his caretaker duties to their manager.

A part of Beomgyu wants to throw a fit at the loss of his major source of comfort, but another reminds him smugly that it means Soobin is so affected by him he can’t stand to be near him.

In apology, Soobin gives him more of his clothes to calm himself with. It’s against the wishes of their manager, but all Beomgyu has to do is pout and Soobin’s resolve falters.

With more of Soobin’s clothing, Beomgyu powers through his discomfort to fix himself what might be considered the worst nest of all time. He doesn’t care how objectively bad it is, though, as long as Soobin’s scent surrounds him.

If Beomgyu was thinking rationally, he would recognise why nesting with Soobin’s clothing is a terrible idea. At the very least, he should have asked Yeonjun for some stuff as well, to balance out Soobin’s scent. Make it more like a pack nest rather than one from his alpha.

But he wasn’t before, so he certainly isn’t now, delirious and only half-conscious.

In the end, he’s pretty sure the only reason he gets through his heat with his sanity intact is because he spends the entire time breathing in Soobin’s scent, over and over, until he passes out. And to be honest, that’s perfectly fine with him.

Beomgyu expects things to change after that, both between him and Soobin and him and the rest of the group, but they don’t. Not nearly as much as he expected anyway. Yeonjun is a little more careful around him, Taehyun dotes on him a bit more, and Kai clings to him in awe, but their day-to-day life is largely the same. He’s glad his presentation didn’t cause any rifts in their relationship dynamics.

The only thing that really changes is how fucking irresistible Soobin’s scent becomes. Every time Soobin peels off his scent suppressants at the end of the day, Beomgyu’s veins light up and heat pools throughout his body.

He has to resist throwing himself at Soobin every evening because he just wants to smother himself in his scent. If he could bottle it up and carry it around, he would.

It’s a Soobin-exclusive thing too, which makes it worse; Yeonjun’s scent can make him tingly sometimes, but nowhere near the level Soobin’s does. As much as he would like to chalk it up to biology, it’s clearly not. It’s clearly because his body is aware of his feelings for Soobin and is reacting in a way it deems appropriate.

It’s a real problem. Especially since things haven’t changed and Soobin still hugs him, still cuddles up beside him, still treats him like the best friend that he is.

“I’m not going to start treating you differently,” Soobin confirms when Beomgyu brings it up. “Why would I? Alphas and omegas can’t be close friends now? Don’t tell me you believe in that bullshit.”

It’s sound logic. Alphas and omegas can be close friends. Of course.

Alphas and omegas can be close friends, but Beomgyu isn’t sure his omega and Soobin’s alpha can be.

It’s almost inappropriate how casual Soobin is with him still, but Beomgyu wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Still, though, it is a problem at its heart, and he can’t just let himself get wet every time Soobin comes near him. They are idols still and the reaction is more inconvenient than anything, even if his brain enjoys romanticising it.

He avoids Soobin for a few days trying to figure out what to do, but predictably, Soobin catches on and corners him, concerned why Beomgyu is ignoring him.

“I think I just need to get more used to it. Maybe because your scent was the first one I smelled, I have a stronger reaction to it,” Beomgyu says.

He can’t lie about the issue. He doesn’t see the point. And he doesn’t think Soobin will judge him for it. After all, it can be blamed on biology, even though Beomgyu knows that’s not the root of the problem.

“Okay…” Soobin says. His brows furrow. “That makes sense, but what can we do about it?”

Beomgyu chews on his lower lip and chances, “You can give me more of your clothing? And I can try desensitizing myself to it.”

“Won’t that just make it worse? If that worked, shouldn’t being around me make things better naturally?”

“I think there’s a breaking point. Like, it’s bad until it suddenly gets better, but it requires a lot to get to that point. Does that make sense?” Beomgyu is talking out of his ass right now, but the logic is sound when said out loud.

“Mm.” Soobin drums his fingers along his chin. He’s handsome, naturally, but he’s mostly cute like this, all focused on helping Beomgyu navigate his new life as an omega. “Alright. Let me look through my laundry.”

Soobin gives him a new set of clothing every week for Beomgyu to scent and then return. By two months Beomgyu’s reaction is no longer as strong—his made-up plan actually worked—but Soobin continues to give Beomgyu his clothing and Beomgyu continues to accept it.

Beomgyu sees the way Soobin treats the other omegas in his life. Taehyun and Kai, Arin, his best friend from middle school—he’s close to all of them and yet he’s not going around giving them his hoodies or rubbing his scent all over their necks. Kai is just as clingy towards Soobin at a surface level, but he still smells like himself, not himself with a layer of Soobin over him.

The difference between them and Beomgyu is that Soobin treats Beomgyu like he’s his. Giving him his clothes to sleep with every week, diligently re-scenting them, so Beomgyu never runs out. It’s textbook courting from a shitty romance novel.

He can’t tell if Soobin realises what he’s doing, what kind of impression he’s giving Beomgyu’s omega by gifting him his scent so consistently. If he does realise it, he doesn’t seem to care or have any intention of taking things further.

And if he doesn’t—which is far more likely—Beomgyu isn’t about to offer the information up.

They both win this way, Beomgyu with his delusions that Soobin is courting him and Soobin having the peace of mind knowing Beomgyu is happy and satisfied, as an omega in his pack should be.

The fact they’re both satisfied with the arrangement is what matters, or at least that’s what Beomgyu tells himself to cope.

Sometimes Beomgyu wants to shout from the rooftops how much he loves Soobin. How he’s able to have his cake and eat it too, keeping their friendship while continuing to pine for him. How happy he is with how things have worked out. Partially so everybody else will know and partly as reassurance to himself.

But if he’s too open about his happiness, they’ll be separated. What they’re doing is directly against their contracts—the no dating policy specifically, even if they aren’t anywhere close to dating—so he has to swallow it down. He has to take Soobin’s hoodies off when they leave the apartment, even if all he wants to do is to keep himself wrapped in Soobin’s scent forever.

He can tell that Soobin dislikes it when he puts his suppressing patches on in the morning, masking Soobin’s scent on him.

And so makes a show of putting them on because of this—because he loves the way Soobin’s eyes narrow and his nostrils flare in irritation when Beomgyu’s scent disappears.

He feels like he’s in high school again, his love renewed. Not that he was ever falling out of love with Soobin in the first place, but being so closely claimed by him hits different from how he was pining before he presented.

Right before their comeback, everything goes to shit, as is normal for their preparations. Soobin, as the leader, always takes the brunt of it, even when the fuck-ups are one of their faults.

As Soobin’s best friend, it worries him to see him so stressed. As his omega, at least in his own head, it hurts.

He can tell it’s bad when not even Kai can get through to him. Beomgyu isn’t even jealous of how close Kai and Soobin are because—aside from the fact it’s Kai and it’s impossible to hold a negative feeling towards him—he’s important to Soobin’s happiness, and Soobin’s happiness is important to him. He despairs when Kai returns to him one evening and reports that his and Soobin’s scenting session didn’t make Soobin any less stressed.

“Maybe you should try, hyung,” Kai says delicately, as if unsure about Beomgyu’s reaction. But Beomgyu is more confused than anything, because Soobin and him have never scented each other properly.

“He’s never scented me before. I don’t know if now is the time to start,” he says. He would love it, yes—god, would he love it—but he doesn’t want to make Soobin feel worse by introducing something new into their lives.

“He’s never scented you for real, sure, but…” Kai purses his lips. “He really likes when you smell like him… judging by all the clothes he gives you. So I think it’s worth a shot. What’s the worst that can happen?”

Kai has a point. Alphas are naturally possessive; it’s the knowledge of knowing their omega or their pack is safe with their mark. It’s why Soobin gives him all those pieces of clothing in the first place, however subconscious those thoughts are. So maybe it is worth a shot.

“Alright,” he concedes. “I’ll try.”

Kai giggles at him. “Good luck.”

Soobin’s door is locked when Beomgyu approaches his room, and his attempt to kick it open does absolutely nothing. Fortunately, the sound catches Soobin’s attention, and the door opens a moment later to reveal him groggy and exhausted.

Beomgyu coos and cups his cheeks, “Our poor hyung. You look like shit.”

Soobin laughs half-heartedly and bats his hands away. “What do you want?”

“Can I come in?”

With some reluctance, Soobin steps aside, wordlessly making way for Beomgyu to enter. It’s a much easier endeavour than he expected; he expected to have to fight Soobin to be allowed inside. Since he moved Odi into the living room a few months ago, he rarely allows anybody into his bedroom.

It smells like him, of course it does, and Beomgyu’s body instantly relaxes. Soobin’s scent is like a blanket for him now. It sinks into his blood every time he smells it and reminds him he’s well-loved by an alpha. His alpha.

“I’m a little tired. I don’t think I’m up for playing anything tonight,” Soobin admits, one arm crossed over his chest.

Beomgyu smiles at him. “I know. I wanted to ask if you…”

Soobin tilts his head at him, and it’s so heartachingly endearing that Beomgyu loses his train of thought momentarily.

“If I…?”

Beomgyu swallows. “I know you scented Kai earlier, but I was wondering if you wanted to… try it with me, as well.” He pauses. Maybe it would be better to frame it as something he wants. “I’ve been feeling anxious lately and—”

“Okay,” Soobin cuts him off, a little too eagerly, and they both go red. “I mean, yeah. Sure. Why not?”

Why not indeed, Beomgyu thinks.

It’s normal for packmates to scent each other. Soobin and Kai do it a lot, probably the most out of all of them, but sometimes he sees the others do it as well. Yeonjun and Taehyun, Taehyun and Kai, even Kai and Beomgyu himself, one time. They likely do it less than a normal friend group would because of their busy schedules, but it’s certainly not weird.

Soobin scents Beomgyu indirectly all the time, through the clothing he gives him and the cuddling they do every so often on the couch, but he’s never properly scented him until now.

As he soon learns when Soobin’s nose grazes the base of his throat, it’s a whole other level of bliss.

Beomgyu sinks into Soobin’s sheets, happy to lie there and allow Soobin to nose at him. He thought he was happy right after his first heat, drunk on hormones from drowning in an alpha’s scent all week, but this is even more incredible. He never thought his body could be so completely at peace, so warm and floaty and pleasured without it being sexual.

It’s because it’s Soobin. Scenting with the others has never felt like this. It’s all Soobin, as usual, and Beomgyu is scared his body is truly beginning to believe that Soobin is his.

Soobin’s lips press to his skin and a purr rumbles in Beomgyu’s chest before he can hold it back.

He can tell Soobin is enjoying it as well—that the longer they lie there with Soobin nuzzling him, the less sour his scent becomes, the less tight his muscles get.

“Did it help?” Beomgyu asks when Soobin pulls away. He’s so winded even though all he did was lie down and allow Soobin to hug him close.

“Yeah.” Soobin’s voice is so quiet. “It did.”

Beomgyu’s fingers brush back Soobin’s fringe. His alpha’s eyes are shut, and Beomgyu wishes he brought his phone so he could snap a picture of this: Soobin so relaxed, all because of him.

“We can do it again tomorrow?” he suggests.

“I’d like that,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu can’t hold back his smile, his chest so full of love he feels as if he’s about to burst.

Soobin might only love him like a friend, but Beomgyu is greedy and he’ll take whatever he can get guilt-free.

For now, he’ll let himself have this. There’s no harm in it. Not as long as he keeps reminding himself to keep his delusions and reality separate. Even if his body thinks he’s Soobin’s, his mind knows otherwise, and his brain is what controls him in the end.

He’s not some slave to his instincts or anything; he can hold himself back even as his omega throws a tantrum every night because it believes Soobin should be kissing him before bed. Or something silly and romantic like that.

Everybody eventually falls in love with somebody or something, and while Beomgyu’s might be a little more personal than most, it’s not a crime to pine over your best friend.

Although he’s starting to think maybe it should be, if not just for his own sake.

Beomgyu has to assume that the others all know he’s in love with Soobin. At this point, the only person who doesn’t know is Soobin himself, and that’s because Beomgyu is very careful not to do anything too revealing directly towards him.

The others, however—they bear witness to all the longing stares Beomgyu gives Soobin, and that alone is damning enough.

None of them speak to him about it though, not for months and months, not even a year and a half after his presentation. A year and a half of Soobin giving Beomgyu his clothes and now scenting him every so often, and still, nobody speaks up.

There are so many things none of them talk about out loud. Beomgyu is glad he’s not the only one silencing himself.

One day, Taehyun pulls him aside and requests to go to the gym with him. Which is whatever—they go to the gym together all the time. Taehyun is the best gym buddy he has, and Beomgyu doesn’t think twice about allowing him to tag along.

It’s only when they get to the gym and Taehyun is more focused on staring holes into the side of Beomgyu’s face than working out that Beomgyu realises he’s been singled out for a reason.

“Hyung,” Taehyun says.

“Taehyun,” Beomgyu answers.

“What’s been happening with you and Soobin hyung lately?” Taehyun asks. He really doesn’t beat around the bush, does he.

“Lately?” Beomgyu repeats.

“For the past year.”

“Nothing,” he says. It’s technically the truth. They’re best friends, same as always.

“For some strange reason, I don’t believe that.”

Beomgyu pauses lifting his weight to glare at Taehyun. “No matter what it seems like, the relationship between him and I is the same as you and him. He scents me, yeah, but our relationship is the same.”

“But it’s the intention that matters, hyung.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want something to happen?”

Standing up, Beomgyu sets his weights down and puts a hand on his hip. “What brought this up all of the sudden? It’s been a year since I presented and you suddenly want to talk about it now?”

Taehyun sighs, long-suffering. “I feel like you might be falling too deep, hyung.”

That doesn’t answer Beomgyu’s question exactly, but he says anyway, “Well, I disagree with you. I don’t think the intention matters. Not in this case. No matter what I feel for him, so long as neither of us acts on it, nothing will change and therefore nothing will happen.”

Beomgyu has gotten very good at rationalising all of this by now.

“Just don’t do anything stupid,” Taehyun advises. He doesn’t hug Beomgyu or pat his back or ruffle his hair like the others might when trying to comfort him, but his words tell Beomgyu enough about how much he cares: I’m worried for you. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Please be careful.

But he’s four years too late and they both know it. The not stupid thing to do would have been to nip Beomgyu’s initial crush on Soobin in the bud before it grew into the monstrous love he holds for him now.

“I’ll try,” Beomgyu says.

When he hears he and Soobin are to be roommates for the entirety of their international tour, he almost bursts everybody’s eardrums screaming in excitement.

Soobin doesn’t seem as happy as he does, but Beomgyu can tell he’s secretly relieved. After all, they were roommates once upon a time; they know all of each other’s habits already and no other pair could be as comfortable as they are with each other purely because of that.

Of course, the last time he roomed with Soobin was before he presented—but he doesn’t see it being an issue. He smells like Soobin all the time now, when he’s not wearing scent suppressors, and they’ve gotten used to the routine of scenting. There are no more lines they can reasonably cross short of mating for real.

Their first stop is Atlanta, and the five of them go sightseeing at night, eager to use their free time in America to the fullest. Beomgyu, as the designated camera-holder, snaps lots of pictures of everybody so they can post them online later.

He takes a few extra of Soobin just for himself, but nobody has to know that.

People recognise them out on the streets, which is as strange as it is flattering. They sign lots of autographs that night and return to the hotel tired but pleased. The vibes are good, and Beomgyu is even more excited than before to kick off their performances.

The hotel room he and Soobin are sharing is tiny, and there’s only a sliver of a gap in between their beds. It makes it easy to chat, which is bad, because they should be sleeping—but dreaming about Soobin isn’t nearly as nice as talking to him is.

“Are you nervous?” Beomgyu asks.

“For what? The tour?”

“Mm.” Beomgyu rolls onto his side so he can face Soobin, only to find Soobin already watching him. He flushes, the skin on the back of his neck prickling under the intensity of Soobin’s stare, but keeps his own gaze steadfast.

“A little,” Soobin admits. “I keep thinking, what if something goes wrong? It’ll haunt us forever.” He rolls his bottom lip in between his teeth, sighing, “But…”

Beomgyu has the same worries. They all do, he’s sure. “But…?”

“Well.” Soobin sniffles, then smiles. “I have you, so…”

Beomgyu’s breath hitches.

“You do,” he agrees. Soobin has him. All of him. “If you start overthinking, I’m here to tell you to shut the fuck up.”

Soobin laughs and says, “Overthinking? I think that’s you, not me. But thank you.”

There’s no arguing with that. Beomgyu smiles in return, close-lipped, his heart hammering so hard he’s scared it’s going to jump out of his chest.

It’s so easy to fall asleep with Soobin in the room, less than a metre away. Beomgyu dangles his arm off the side of the bed on purpose, willing Soobin to reach for his hand in the space in between their mattresses.

He doesn’t, but Beomgyu still has sweet dreams anyway, of the same rosy encounter in a forest that smells strikingly like Soobin. Beomgyu wrapped up in Soobin’s arms and scent, and Soobin with his head buried in Beomgyu’s hair.

The concert goes well, and all the fans comment on how much more chipper Soobin is than normal.

As selfish as it may be, Beomgyu thinks he deserves some credit for that.

Soobin and Beomgyu visit the beach in Houston. Just the two of them and a bodyguard trailing a few feet behind them. Soobin forces Beomgyu to take pictures of him silhouetted by the sunset, and Beomgyu obediently does so. Two for the fans, and two only for him. It’s becoming a habit for him to hoard photos of Soobin for himself.

In Dallas, Soobin manages to snag a Switch from one of their local staff and they stay up all night before the concert, trying to beat random people online in Splatoon.

In New York, they take more pictures, this time on the rooftop of their hotel. Once Beomgyu is finished snapping photos, Soobin swipes the camera out of his hands and smiles, “You too.”

“Me too, what?” Beomgyu tilts his head.

“I want to take pictures of you too,” Soobin clarifies, and gestures for Beomgyu to step in front of the sunset.

“You’ll just take embarrassing photos where I’m blinking and then post them online,” Beomgyu grumbles but he obliges, posing with a peace sign as Soobin takes overly dramatic shots of him.

Soobin does post a picture of Beomgyu blinking, but he also sends Beomgyu all the good ones he took, and Beomgyu can’t help but think he looks so much prettier through Soobin’s lens than his own.

Beomgyu is well aware of how lucky he is, getting these brief moments with the person he loves. He can’t take pictures of Soobin when they’re alone without coming off as creepy, but he can burn the image of Soobin’s smile into his brain and never let it go.

Six stops later, he goes into heat in the middle of their one week break in Tokyo, because of course he does.

It’s the compounding of stress and anticipation and his body’s knowledge that they have a week's break; there is, technically, no better time for it to happen. Nobody is upset over it other than Beomgyu. Even Soobin seems happy for him, since it means there’s no danger of it occurring during a less opportune time.

But being in heat means he has to be alone all week. Away from the rest of the members, away from Soobin. Alone on their one week off. He’s miserable.

It’s worse when his body thinks Soobin should be there, wrongly believing Soobin is his alpha, and so his scent clinging to all of Beomgyu’s clothes feels mildly like torture. It staves the worst of the physical symptoms off, but mentally, he might be dying.

Soobin enters his room late at night, way past when everybody else has gone to sleep. Beomgyu doesn’t move, too scared of what might happen if he does so.

What he’s scared about, he’s not sure. But he’s blazing hot, covered in slick and sweat, and his alpha just entered the room. There’s a non-insignificant chance he’ll move and jump Soobin on instinct.

“Are you allowed to be in here?”

“Well…” Soobin scratches the back of his neck. “Not really? But nobody else is awake, so it should be fine.”

Beomgyu laughs, but it sounds faint even to his own ears. He doesn’t have the energy to fake it. Everywhere, from his cheekbones to his ankles, aches with need.

Soobin sits down on the bed across from him, brows knitted together in worry.

“I just wanted to check up on you,” he says. He’s careful not to touch Beomgyu, not even from over the sheets.

“I’m fine.” Beomgyu sighs. As if Soobin would believe that. “I’ll be fine,” he corrects.

“Is it the heat itself that’s bothering you? Or…?”

“I’m just upset I can’t go out,” Beomgyu mumbles. Half his face is squished against his pillow. He wants to sink deeper into it, but then Soobin won’t be able to hear his voice. “I had so much I wanted to do this week.”

“Is that it?” Soobin asks.

Beomgyu lifts his head slightly. “What do you mean?”

“Is that all you’re upset about?”

“... What do you mean?” Beomgyu repeats.

Soobin looks away from him. The tips of his ears are flushed red, and with the current haircut he has, he can’t hide them.

“I thought maybe…” Soobin struggles to speak. “The—the last time you went into heat, you used my scent to get through it. If you need it again—“

“I shouldn’t,” Beomgyu interjects. He holds onto the sheets tightly. “I shouldn’t take more of your stuff. You don’t have that many clothes.” If he takes Soobin’s clothes to nest with, Soobin will have none left to actually wear.

“I could give you just one or two,” Soobin reasons. “And then I could scent you. Like, directly. That’s even better than having clothing, right?”

Soobin has to recognise the implications of what he’s offering. He can’t be that dumb. An alpha scenting an omega during their heat—it’s unheard of between friends. Not even between packmates.

The problem is, Soobin could be that dumb. And while Beomgyu should say no, now that Soobin has put the image into his mind, he doubts he’ll be able to rest without it.

And besides, they’ve done so much already. So much they shouldn’t be doing. So, Beomgyu reasons, is it that bad to keep going?

As long as it doesn’t hurt. That’s the philosophy he took on at the beginning. It will hurt Beomgyu greatly in the end, he thinks, but as long as it doesn’t hurt Soobin—

Beomgyu rubs his eyes with his fists, inhaling shakily.

“It would be better, yes,” he says, quietly. He licks his lips. “You would do that for me?”

“I scent you all the time,” Soobin points out, firmer, seemingly emboldened by Beomgyu’s reaction. He crosses his arms. “You’re my best friend. It’s not like we don’t do it every day anyway. We do. So if you want it now as well, don’t… don’t say no just because you think you should. Not when I’m offering.”

He stares Beomgyu down, as if waiting for Beomgyu to reject him, or do the responsible thing and point out how stupid this is.

He doesn’t. He just tilts his head to the side, exposing his neck, and shivers when he hears Soobin growl, low and anticipatory.

He wonders what he looks like to Soobin. If he looks cute and pretty, needy to just the right amount, flattering in how obviously he wants Soobin. Or if he looks desperate and pathetic, like the bitch in heat he actually is, all of his ugly, repressed desire laid bare.

Honestly, he has no idea. It’s probably a bit of both. He knows he’s pretty, but he’s just as pathetic too.

Soobin climbs over him, one arm bracketing Beomgyu’s head, and fuck, fuck, Soobin is so fucking big. He smells like a fucking dream. If Beomgyu were to lift his knee right now, it would brush against Soobin’s crotch.

It’s good he doesn’t have the energy to move.

“Stay still, pup,” Soobin says, and there’s so much slick dampening the sheets below him it feels like he doused them in water. He moans. “You good?”

Soobin hovers over him, his nose right over Beomgyu’s throat, but not quite pressed against it. His breathing stutters, like he’s equally affected as Beomgyu is.

“Yes,” he whispers, when he realises Soobin is waiting for him to confirm.

“Stay still,” Soobin repeats, and Beomgyu nods.

Soobin leans forward, buries his nose into the crook of Beomgyu’s neck, and scents him.

Beomgyu clutches onto the front of his shirt, desperate to anchor himself against the waves of pure bliss that pass through him. Soobin kisses his scent gland then licks around it, scenting him like he’s his, drinking up his taste like it’s all for him.

His legs won’t stop shaking and he parts them, not-so-subtly trying to get friction on his cock, hard and leaking underneath the sheet which separates his body from Soobin’s.

He can smell his own arousal in the air, mixing with Soobin’s scent, sharp and focused.

What are we doing, he wants to ask, at the same time he thinks, please don’t stop scenting me. He says neither, only leans into Soobin’s touch and makes himself small and compact in Soobin’s arms. Beomgyu is big, but Soobin is much bigger. The perfect size.

They really are so perfect for each other. Best friends for life. Beomgyu can’t imagine growing old without Soobin by his side in some capacity.

Soobin’s teeth nip at his skin and he gasps. God, he’s going to smell like Soobin for days. He’s going to sweat his own scent like crazy and he’s still going to smell like Soobin because Soobin is going to town scenting him, and Beomgyu is fucking delirious from how amazing it all is.

The heat is getting to be unbearable. His toes curl and he tilts his neck even more to the side, showing off all the spots Soobin has kissed, needing more. He’s so close. Just a little more—

Soobin sucks a mark into his neck and Beomgyu digs his nails into Soobin’s shoulders, rolls his hips, and whimpers out a tiny, close-lipped “Alpha” as he comes.

Soobin barely touched him but it’s still the best orgasm he’s ever had. Cum smears over his stomach and down his thighs, mixing with all the slick, and he goes completely boneless, tucked against Soobin’s chest.

When his head clears, heat staved off from the presence of an alpha and his small bit of relief, his heart fucking seizes.

Soobin signed up to scent him, not have Beomgyu come all over himself like a fucking teenager. What is wrong with him? The backs of his eyes burn.

“Shhh. It’s okay,” Soobin says instantly, holding him tightly. He’s stopped scenting him, but he won’t lift his head still. “You’re in heat. It’s okay. I get it.”

Beomgyu’s throat hurts. He thinks he might cry. The worst part is it’s all so perfect. His entire body is thrumming with muted pleasure still, satisfied and safe. He’s an omega in heat, held tight in the arms of an alpha who clearly cares about him, and at surface level, isn’t that all he needs?

He’s pretty sure the memory of Soobin sucking on his skin will carry him through the entire rest of this heat with no problems. The rest of his heat will be easy.

They lie there for what feels like forever, until Beomgyu stops panting and his eyes dry up. Soobin strokes his fingers through Beomgyu’s hair in an attempt to coax him.

Once Beomgyu is no longer delirious, Soobin asks him, “Do you want anything else?”

All his body wants Soobin to hold him down and fuck him until he can’t see straight. All Beomgyu wants is for Soobin to be his.

But he can’t answer either, and he gets tongue-tied, trying to think of something else to say.

It feels like there’s an opportunity here, but he’s not sure what.

“Beomgyu?” Soobin prompts when Beomgyu doesn’t respond. His voice and scent are both laced with concern.

“No,” Beomgyu answers softly, because he’s a coward. A coward who just took advantage of his best friend and will now spend the rest of the week fucking himself to the memory. “Thank you, hyung.”

Soobin inhales slowly and, after a very long moment, says, “Alright. You’re welcome. Don’t mention it.”

It feels like the opportunity just slipped away.

Soobin lifts off of him and Beomgyu smiles, and hopes Soobin can’t tell how close he is to crying. He can, most likely, because of course he can, because it’s Soobin and nobody in the world knows him better. But if Soobin is pretending, then Beomgyu can too.

His hand falls from Soobin’s shirt and he curls up, rolling back onto his side so he can hug a pillow. His cock is still half-hard in between his legs, and it squishes against the damp fabric.

The second Soobin leaves, he’s going to fuck himself on his own fingers, the tingling on his neck from the hickey Soobin left still fresh, and it’s going to simultaneously be the best and worst feeling he’s ever had. So full of love, but also so horribly empty at the heart of it.

“I love you,” Soobin says. He doesn’t hesitate. The words are so confident and it breaks Beomgyu’s heart. “You know that, right?”

Soobin loves him. He knows this. Soobin would probably fuck him if he asked, purely out of obligation, as Beomgyu’s best friend. It would irrevocably fuck up their friendship, even more so than they already have, but he would do it, because he loves Beomgyu.

If only it was in the same way as Beomgyu loves him.

He wants to throw a pillow at Soobin and slap him and pull him closer and kiss him and sit on his dick and he wants so, so much, Soobin’s question of is there anything else you want was doomed from the start because Beomgyu would never have enough time to list all the things he wants.

“Mm. I love you too, hyung,” he says.

He can’t remember the last time they exchanged I love yous in private rather than for a filming. It’s been a long time. Beomgyu doesn’t say it anymore because the words are too raw.

“Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?”

Against his better judgement, he nods. He isn’t close to sleeping, and he mostly just wants to get something inside himself, but again, if Soobin is offering, Beomgyu can ignore his own needs to accept what he’s being given.

“Scoot over,” Soobin says, and nudges Beomgyu until he’s shifted to make enough room for him. Soobin doesn’t lie down exactly, but he sits slumped enough that Beomgyu can bury his face into his side and breathe in that scent he loves so much, freshly fallen leaves and running water.

Beomgyu has an entire forest in his head based solely off of Soobin’s scent; a vast, winding trail of tall trees and shallow rivers. He likes to imagine going on a date there with Soobin. He would pick up a leaf and joke, “Is this you?” because they smell the same. Soobin would laugh and shake his head and then kiss him to shut him up.

He reserves this image only for the most difficult of times, when he truly craves the feeling of being loved in the same way, even if it’s only in his imagination.

This is one of those times, and it’s made infinitely easier by Soobin’s hand stroking down his back, coaxing him into shutting his eyes and losing himself in his thoughts.

He falls asleep sometime overnight. He’s not sure whether it’s with Soobin, but when he wakes up, he’s alone. His lips are so dry they’re peeling and his entire body aches. Not in the fun way, either.

There’s a fresh towel, a glass of water, and a bottle of painkillers next to his pillow, and he uses them all in turn. The towel to wipe the sweat off his face, the water to clear his throat, then the pills, swallowed dry, to ease some of the ache.

Having Soobin around must have helped. His heat only lasted two days. He’s fortunate it didn’t make things worse.

The door swings open to reveal Soobin balancing two trays of food in his arms, glasses full of juice precariously close to tipping off the edge. When he sees Beomgyu awake, he smiles.

It doesn’t reach his eyes.

“You’re up. Good morning,” Soobin greets. He sets the trays down on the table by the TV. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m…” Beomgyu runs a hand through his hair. Ugh, it’s absolutely disgusting. The first thing he’s going to do after he eats is shower. “I’m better than I was yesterday.”

“Good. Good. I brought us food, and if there’s anything else you need, I can run out and—“

“Just you,” Beomgyu says. Soobin blinks at him and Beomgyu clarifies, red-faced, “I don’t want to be alone. If that’s okay.”

At least he can blame his flush on the remnants of his heat.

“Why are you even asking? Of course it’s okay. Shut up,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu laughs, his throat in terrible amounts of pain. “I have stuff I want to talk about anyway. Can you come sit? Or do I need to carry you?”

It’s only because Beomgyu is so used to overexerting his body for work that he’s able to drag himself over to the table. If he were a lesser man, he would’ve collapsed onto the floor the moment he got on his feet.

He sits down at the table, across from Soobin, and relaxes against the back of the chair. The food doesn’t smell nearly as appetizing as Soobin does, but the sight of it makes his stomach rumble with hunger.

Soobin is still giving him that same placid smile, and Beomgyu is compelled to speak up, “I know it must be awkward for you, but I really…” want to thank you, he’s about to say, diplomatically, but Soobin interjects before he can finish.

“It’s not. You’re my best friend, Beomgyu. I’m happy to.”

Best friend. Best friend. Best friend.

There’s really no reason for Soobin to constantly bring it up unless he’s trying to drive the point home: Beomgyu is Soobin’s best friend, and that’s that.

It makes sense then, why Soobin is acting so weird.

What a curse and a blessing it is to be Soobin’s best friend. He knows him better than anybody else in the entire world. It’s almost too much knowledge. He wishes he wasn’t so aware of how Soobin feels towards him.

“If you say so,” Beomgyu says, avoiding confirming or denying his own relationship with Soobin.

They eat in silence, Beomgyu spooning plain oatmeal into his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in days—which he hasn’t, as far as he’s aware—and Soobin nibbling on a dry waffle.

Eventually, when they’re almost finished, only playing with the last scraps of their food, Soobin clears his throat and says, “I was thinking, though.”

“That’s not good,” Beomgyu jokes. He jokes to cover up how scared he is, and he does a terrible job at it.

Soobin chuckles, but he doesn’t complain, which tells Beomgyu everything he needs to know about whatever Soobin is about to say—it’s going to be bad. It’s so bad not even dry humour can cover it up.

“I was thinking, though, um. It—it might be better if you switch to rooming with Kai or Taehyun.” Soobin scratches his cheek. Beomgyu’s heart falls into the pit of his stomach. “If this happens again somehow, or if it happens for one of them, it’s better that you guys room with another omega. This… it could’ve been really dangerous between us. We shouldn’t take the risk.”

The oatmeal he’s eating, completely plain, suddenly tastes like ash on his tongue. Bitter and out of place.

We shouldn’t take the risk—after what, a month and a half of them rooming together? Half a year of Soobin scenting him? Why is Soobin making up some bullshit excuse to get away from him now?

It’s not as if Beomgyu presented yesterday. This relationship between them, between Soobin’s alpha and Beomgyu’s omega, has existed for nearly two years now. If Soobin were that worried about the omegas in his pack being too close to the alphas, he wouldn’t have agreed to room with Beomgyu in the first place.

And quite frankly, Beomgyu is fucking angry. Because he doesn’t even know what he did wrong. Was Soobin scenting him during his heat a test? Did he fail it somehow?

Of course he did. Every fucked up thing that’s happened between them has been because of him. He shouldn’t be surprised. After all, he’s the one who lied through his teeth when Soobin asked him if he wanted anything else. He’s the one who accepted Soobin’s offer, born of pure concern for his best friend, then twisted it into something dirty and lewd.

It’s natural that Soobin would pull away after all that. Beomgyu would too, if his omega best friend got off under him so blatantly, like some kind of whore.

He’s still mad though.

“Okay,” he says, tone completely neutral. “I understand.”

He doesn’t understand at all.

Soobin gives a little noise of relief, like he’s relieved Beomgyu understands the underlying meaning in his words. That couldn’t be further from the truth. But he’s too scared to ask, to make things even worse by disrupting whatever delicate understanding Soobin thinks they have right now, so he keeps his mouth shut.

It’s for the best. Only bad things seem to happen when Beomgyu voices what he wants.

The next morning, their manager asks them if they want to switch room assignments. Soobin requests to be alone.

Beomgyu doesn’t protest.

They get to Osaka. Beomgyu rolls his suitcase into his new room with Kai. Two omegas rooming together is more peaceful. There’s no stress.

He crawls under his sheets, shoves his head under his pillow, and cries.

“Oh, hyung,” Kai says. He drapes himself by Beomgyu’s side and holds him close. He’s so much bigger than Beomgyu now, and his sweet, comforting scent sinks its way into Beomgyu’s lungs until his heart rate slows. Beomgyu’s only scented Kai once in his whole life, so he’s not used to the calming effect. He can see why Soobin would think he needed this. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

“I’m fine,” Beomgyu sniffles, because even if Kai is an omega and Soobin’s other best friend and surely won’t judge Beomgyu for his grief, he’s still Beomgyu’s dongsaeng. He has to keep up some pretense of maturity.

“You’re fine,” Kai repeats back to him. “You’re fine.”

Even people as purehearted as Kai lie sometimes, apparently.

When their tour ends and they return to the dorms, it surprises Beomgyu that Soobin continues to give him his clothing.

He doesn’t scent Beomgyu directly anymore, but he still keeps his scent clinging to Beomgyu’s skin by way of his hoodies. It’s like they’re back to the poor man’s version of claiming. The type that could be argued as being strictly platonic.

Beomgyu continues to bundle himself up in Soobin’s hoodies, but now that he knows what being scented properly feels like, what having Soobin over him is like, it’s not the same. It’s not enough.

Soobin makes him so greedy.

Yeonjun gives him clothing as well, as he’s trying to ease Beomgyu off his affection for Soobin’s scent. Beomgyu finds himself wearing Yeonjun’s clothes more and more over Soobin’s, because they don’t make him want to throw himself off a bridge out of heartbreak. It’s a big point in Yeonjun’s favour.

He plays video games with Soobin, stays up all night chatting with him, practises with him alone after work, eats with him at midnight—nothing changes. None of these things have changed since the day Beomgyu presented and it seems like they never will.

Beomgyu enjoys it all. Of course he does. He loves hanging out with Soobin; if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have fallen for him at all. But he can’t tell if Soobin is enjoying it as well, or if he’s simply continuing what he believes is obligation.

A few weeks after their tour ends, Music Bank hosts a two-day festival of all their former MCs. It’s on the other side of the city, so their management decides it’s better for Soobin to stay in a hotel there and return early in the morning the following day.

Soobin packs his bags, gives them all hugs, then bids them goodbye.

He manages to sleep on the first night purely from exhaustion; they had a long day, and he passes out the moment his head hits the pillow.

The second night, though, he tosses and turns in bed for hours, restless. He can’t hear Soobin on the other side of the wall. There’s no draft coming in from the vent carrying his scent. It’s all wrong, like something is missing.

His feet drag him to Yeonjun’s room without his mind having any input, and he knocks on the door before he can chicken out and turn away.

Yeonjun takes one look at him, sighs, then shakes his head. “Oh, Beomie.”

He tugs Beomgyu into his room and sits him down on his bed. Yeonjun’s room is very messy, items all over the floor and his sheets half on the ground. It also smells very much like him, naturally, and while it’s not exactly relaxing, it’s a scent he associates with home. Which is good enough for now.

“What happened?” Yeonjun questions, taking the spot beside Beomgyu. He throws an arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer. Like this, the two year age gap between them seems immense.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Beomgyu answers, closing his eyes.

It’s not that Soobin has to be around for Beomgyu to fall asleep. If Beomgyu really wanted to, he’s sure he could ignore the nagging long enough to pass out.

The problem is, he doesn’t want to. What he wants is to show off how difficult it is when Soobin is away, how intense Soobin’s claim on him is still, how good of an omega he is, restless without his alpha.

It’s very stupid. Soobin has made it clear that he doesn’t feel the same way. But Beomgyu is a very stupid person.

“Do you want to sleep here?” Yeonjun’s voice is kind, non-judgemental. Beomgyu nods, hiding his face against Yeonjun’s shoulder. He wishes Yeonjun wouldn’t wear so much cologne. His natural scent is so much nicer. “Alright, let me rearrange the bed so we can both fit, and then we can try sleeping.”

He pats Beomgyu’s lower back, nudging him until he stands back up. Pillows get pushed aside and the sheets get fixed to make room for them both, and then Yeonjun gestures for him to climb in.

Beomgyu isn’t used to sleeping beside anybody. Not even Soobin—that’s Kai’s thing with him, and Beomgyu has never felt the need to intrude. It takes a while for him to get used to the weight draped over his back, but when he does, he finds he likes it a lot.

He should rely on the others more often.

“Comfy?” Yeonjun has his hand over Beomgyu’s stomach, holding him close, but it’s not pressuring. It makes Beomgyu realise just how utterly non-platonic the way he and Soobin touch each other is.

“Yeah,” Beomgyu breathes out. “Thank you, hyung.”

“Mm. Go to bed, Beomie,” Yeonjun says kindly, and it doesn’t take long for Beomgyu to drift off after that, all of Yeonjun’s calming pheromones lulling him to sleep.

“... can’t keep doing this anymore.” It’s Soobin. Beomgyu would recognise that voice anywhere, from ten feet under water or through a raging storm. “It’s killing me.”

“Then tell him,” Yeonjun answers, softly. Quietly. They’re trying not to wake him up. It’s too late for that, but he stays perfectly still, keeps the rise and fall of his chest as steady as he can to mimic a deep slumber.

“I can’t, hyung.”

“Yes, you can. All you have to do is open your mouth and tell him. It’s that easy.”

“You know that’s not true. He…” Soobin pauses, and for a moment, the only thing Beomgyu can hear is the pounding of blood in his own ears. “He relies on me. I can’t take that away from him.”

It doesn’t take a genius to know what they’re discussing. Beomgyu squeezes his eyes shut even tighter, grateful he’s not facing them so they can’t see his lip wobble.

“Well, then you’re going to have to figure it out, because it’s clear neither of you can keep going like this.” Long fingers pat Beomgyu’s head lovingly. They’re Yeonjun’s. He can just tell.

Soobin sighs loudly. “I know,” he murmurs. “It’s not fair to him. I know. I’ll—I need to think about it for a bit.”

“Alright,” Yeonjun relents. “You go do that, Soobin-ah.”

“I will. I… Thank you for listening, hyung.”

“You know I’m always here for both of you,” Yeonjun says, and with that, the door unlocks and Soobin’s footsteps grow quiet in the distance.

Beomgyu gives it a few minutes before he ‘wakes up’. He would wait even more, but he’s not sure how much longer he can hold back his tears.

Snuggling in closer to Yeonjun, he breathes in his musky scent, holding back the sharp choke in his throat. It comes out as a hiccup and Yeonjun jolts, finally realising he’s awake.

“Hey,” Yeonjun soothes. “How long have you been awake, Beomie?”

Beomgyu isn’t oblivious to the panic edging his words. The fear that he was eavesdropping. It was a private conversation, after all. If Beomgyu were a good person, like he thinks he is, he would fess up right now to overhearing it. It’s only fair.

“Not long,” he whispers. “I had a nightmare.”

The lie rolls easily off his tongue, and that says it all.

“Ah.” Yeonjun brushes his bangs off his face, revealing his eyes to the dim light in the room. The sun must be just rising. “Are you going back to sleep?”

“What time ‘s it?” He slurs his words on purpose.

“Five o’clock or so?” Yeonjun guesses.

“Yeah.” The idea of being awake sounds terrible; knowing Soobin is in his room across the hall, thinking of ways to push Beomgyu away. Rightfully, too.

“Go back to sleep then,” Yeonjun says. It’s not an order, but he injects just enough of his presence as an alpha into it that Beomgyu is compelled to listen.

To his complete lack of surprise, Soobin approaches him the following week, hands shoved into the pockets of his sweatpants.

“I… We need to stop this. You sleeping in my clothes and all that,” Soobin says, waving at the space in between them. “People are talking, and…”

Beomgyu’s lips twist. “Are they? Or do you just not want this anymore? Because it’s okay if you don’t, hyung. You don’t have to scent me, or give me your clothes, or anything. Not if you don’t want to. I’d feel worse if you forced yourself.”

Soobin exhales through his nose, eyes closing. “It’s better this way. I think we both need space.” His fingers dig into his palms. “And we aren’t… I don’t want anybody to get the wrong idea.”

The anybody, evidently, being Beomgyu.

“If that’s what you want,” Beomgyu says.

Soobin gives a little sigh of relief. “Thank you for understanding.”

He’s breaking things off for Beomgyu’s sake, supposedly.

Because he pities Beomgyu for having such strong feelings for somebody who doesn’t like him back.

Because he loves Beomgyu and doesn’t want to lead him on.

Because Beomgyu is his best friend and he hates the idea of Beomgyu being sad because of him.

There are lots of reasons, probably. They’ve built up a lot of baggage over the past few months.

But just like everybody else who’s warned Beomgyu about his feelings—Soobin is too late.

There is no turning back from this. There is no way Beomgyu can dig himself out of his hole now. He’s Soobin’s forever, even if Soobin doesn’t want him, and it’s both sick and enlightening in a way. It’s morally wrong, but it feels right and Beomgyu will cling to that feeling for as long as he can.

It’s not like he has a choice. There will never be anybody else for Beomgyu, and that’s okay. There are some people in the world who never win, and if he has to be one of them, then so be it. Romance isn’t everything. He has a successful career and a pack and a loving family and everything else he could possibly need.

He has Soobin.

It’s not in the capacity he wants, but he has him, and that’s what matters.

Or at least that’s what Beomgyu thinks.

But then Soobin starts avoiding him, and Beomgyu realises how badly he fucked things up.

Soobin wasn’t worried about breaking off the arrangement of him giving Beomgyu his clothes. He was worried about breaking off their friendship.

If Beomgyu knew that was what Soobin meant, he wouldn’t have agreed so easily. But in hindsight, he should’ve known that’s what Soobin meant by needing space. Obviously, he fucking needs space. Beomgyu must have been suffocating him, forcing Soobin to reciprocate his actions.

Going cold turkey off Soobin’s scent is painful. Physically painful, that is. Not only mentally. His skin itches all the time and lying in his room just makes him nauseous and he can’t seem to get comfortable no matter what he’s wearing or where he is.

It’s so bad he throws up at one point, at two in the morning when only Taehyun is awake. Taehyun runs out of his room, shocked and horrified to find Beomgyu on his knees in front of the toilet.

“Hyung?” he says, alarmed. He kneels down beside Beomgyu, patting his back as Beomgyu coughs out the last bits of their dinner. “Hyung? Are you sick—?”

“No,” Beomgyu answers. He stands up on shaky legs, nudging Taehyun’s hand off him. “I think I ate something bad.”

It’s a flimsy excuse considering they all had the same thing to eat. Taehyun eyes him, a frown marring his brows and lips.

“Hyung…”

“I’ll take medicine and tell our manager tomorrow that I’m not feeling well,” Beomgyu promises.

“Okay,” Taehyun says, uneasy. “But if it gets worse overnight, wake one of us up. Please.”

Beomgyu nods. He lets Taehyun wet a towel for him and dab the sickness off his mouth. After Taehyun confirms Beomgyu takes the medication, he returns to his own room.

He leaves the door open, and Beomgyu’s heart aches. They all care about him so much. Beomgyu wishes he could do more in return, but he’s too busy getting sick and spiralling over not being allowed to wear his best friend’s clothes.

Which, when he puts it like that, might be the stupidest thing he’s ever done. And he’s done a lot of stupid things.

Oh well. He’s starting to accept that maybe his personal life is just irrevocably fucked up.

Even though he knows this is all his fault, he still misses Soobin so much.

He’s right beside Beomgyu all the time, almost twenty-four-seven, and yet he’s not actually there at all. Not for Beomgyu. And god, does Beomgyu miss him.

By the end of the month, Beomgyu is ready to rip his hair out. Comeback season is rearing its head once more, meaning everybody is on edge, and every time he catches Soobin’s scent, he nearly throws up. Not because it’s bad but because it’s too good, and he has no choice but to lock himself in his room the moment they get home so he doesn’t smell it.

He prays that once they begin working again for real, he’ll be able to ignore it. And for a while he can—they keep the scent suppressors on almost all day and Soobin’s scent disappears. It’s still difficult on a human level to be around Soobin, because he loves him, but at least it’s no longer sickening.

Two and a half weeks before their comeback, they’re practising their choreography and for the first time in ages, Beomgyu is more focused on work than his personal life. The choreographer even compliments him on the sharpness of his moves, and he spends the rest of the day glowing. He can still do some things right.

Then something wet rolls down the inside of his boxers and he flushes so hard he goes tomato red. Fuck, he didn’t realise he needed to go to the bathroom so badly.

“Need to pee,” he yelps, and sprints out of the room. Thank god they’re right beside the bathroom on this side of the floor.

When he peels off his sweatpants and underwear, though, he gasps.

Slick. It’s slick, rolling down his inner thighs, wetting his underwear. It’s slick, and he’s not even aroused. The only time omegas ever randomly get wet like this is when they’re in pre-heat.

But that’s not possible.

Is it?

His hands shake as he wipes himself clean. It seems to have stopped, but just in case, he stuffs his pants with tissue paper. Not exactly the most elegant solution, but it’ll have to work for now.

There’s no way he’s going into heat. It hasn’t even been three months since his last one, and he’s on regulating suppressants. But he’s also not turned on even in the slightest, so why the fuck is he leaking like he is?

He doesn’t know the answer, but he does know it likely has something to do with Soobin.

His confusion must show on his face because when he returns to the practice room, everybody flocks to him, fretting over his condition. He laughs and brushes them all off, saying his poor bladder just couldn’t hold anymore, to which Yeonjun rolls his eyes and calls him gross.

He is gross, but not for the reason Yeonjun believes.

All night, he waits for it to happen again, but it doesn’t. Maybe it’s a weird side effect of losing Soobin’s scent on him? He checks Naver search and finds some posts from people stating they had the same issue after moving away from their crushes, so that seems like the logical reason.

It’s unfortunate and annoying, but there’s nothing he can do about it except grin and bear through it.

He likes to think of himself as a brave person. He gets scared easily, yes, but when it comes down to it, it’s rare he ever runs from danger. He has a pretty high pain tolerance; physical pain has never scared him.

This, though. This might be his limit.

His stomach hurts so badly he takes one step off his bed and literally keels over from the sting. He holds his arms around his middle, putting pressure on it to try and alleviate some of the pain, but it does nothing. He’s pretty sure it actually makes things worse.

He can’t reach for his phone to call anybody and he can’t walk, so he does the only thing he can think to do: he screams.

Luckily, it’s something he’s very good at.

“Beomgyu?” He hears Soobin call, and then his door is being flung open. Yeonjun races to his side, holding him up with an arm around his waist. “What happened?”

“Are you in pain?” Yeonjun asks.

Beomgyu nods, lips pressed together tightly. If he opens his mouth, he’s going to end up screaming again involuntarily.

“He’s burning up,” Yeonjun rests his palm over Beomgyu’s forehead. “Like really burning up.”

Yeonjun helps him stand, and he tenses his jaw so hard keeping his mouth shut that it makes his entire face throb. Fuck. Fuck, it hurts. He can’t imagine anything in the world being more painful than this. Big, fat tears roll down his cheeks and he whimpers as Yeonjun shifts him in the wrong direction, bringing another stab to his gut.

“Shit—Sorry,” Yeonjun chokes.

“Maybe it’s appendicitis?” Soobin says. His eyes are wide and frantic, and his hands shake so badly he fumbles taking his phone out of his pocket, almost dropping it. “Let me… I’ll call, you stay with him.”

Yeonjun drags him back to his bed so he can sit down, and then guides Beomgyu to curl up on his lap so he can hug him. It doesn’t help much, but it’s something.

He passes out shortly after anyway—thank god—so it doesn’t matter.

“Beomgyu hyung!” is the first thing he hears when he comes to. Vanilla fills the room, but it’s tinged with bitterness. “Are you awake now?”

Beomgyu nods, neck creaking from lack of use.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Kai asks, and he almost sounds angry.

Beomgyu’s lips part and he takes in a deep, unsteady breath. He’s no longer in pain, but he’s boiling hot. It’s like he’s standing directly underneath the summer sun.

“What?” he croaks.

Kai sighs and reaches for Beomgyu’s hand. “You’ve been asleep for two days.”

Beomgyu’s brows furrow and he tries to glance down to see if he has some sort of surgery scar, but there doesn’t seem to be anything amiss aside from the IV hooked into his arm.

“Why?” Is he supposed to know what’s going on?

Kai’s face pinches as he answers, slowly, “They said your body thinks it’s being rejected by its mate.”

Oh.

“Oh.”

That… makes much more sense than it should.

“And you’re—you’re going into heat as a reaction to that,” Kai continues.

“So I am going into heat?” Beomgyu asks for confirmation.

Kai frowns. “You knew it was happening?”

Beomgyu’s mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. He sighs. He can’t lie to Kai. “I didn’t know I was going into heat. But the… symptoms. The signs and stuff have been there. I didn’t realise it was serious, though—”

“Of course it was serious!” Kai yells, the words stilted, like he’s trying not to cry. Beomgyu’s eyes widen and he shuts up instantly. “Even if it wasn’t serious, you still should’ve told somebody, hyung. Why would you just suffer by yourself?”

“I…” I don’t know, he’s about to say. But that’s a lie. “I was embarrassed.”

“We’re both omegas, it’s not—”

“Not about the slick, or the possibility of going into heat, or anything like that,” Beomgyu interrupts, “but because of the cause. Getting so—so dependent on Soobin hyung—it’s pathetic.”

“It’s not pathetic. It’s biology,” Kai hisses. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed over something that—”

“Ah, you’re awake.”

Both he and Kai glance over to the doorway, where a man in a white coat stands, glasses pushed up to the bridge of the nose. He must be the doctor. Beomgyu would bow, but he can’t move much.

The doctor gets him up to speed, repeating what Kai said in more polite terms: Beomgyu, somewhere deep inside, truly believed Soobin was courting him; and with that came a build up of hormones as his body prepared for the bond to be consummated. But when Soobin suddenly pulled away, it left his body scrambling to regulate itself once more, and now he’s going to heat.

In summary, his omega thinks that if he manages to get Soobin to fuck him, they’ll stay together. Not that they were ever together in the first place, but that’s the reasoning behind it all.

He rubs his face with his fists, taking all the information in. And he thought he fucked up their relationship badly before—this is somehow even worse. It’s almost impressive, the hole he’s dug himself into. It takes actual skill to fuck up your life this badly. Beomgyu is so talented.

“You have two options—you can either spend your heat with the individual your body thinks it’s mated to, or we can administer a drug that’ll put you to sleep until the heat passes.” The doctor crosses his arms. “We’ll discharge you right now since you’re awake, but if you choose the latter option, you’ll have to return whenever your heat begins.”

“Do I need to decide now?”

He doesn’t think he has much of a choice here, since he doubts Soobin will want to spend his heat with him. Not like that. But—but what if?

He should at least speak to Soobin before he chooses, he reasons.

“No. As I said, if you choose to get knocked out, you’ll have to come back. But if not, you can just stay at home and I’ll see you again for your follow up appointment next week.”

“Hyung…” Kai says. A warning, though Beomgyu isn’t sure what for.

“Okay.” Beomgyu plasters a smile on his face, ignoring Kai. “Thank you.”

The drive back to the dorms is incredibly uncomfortable. Not just because Kai won’t stop glaring at him, but because their company douses him in cologne to ensure he doesn’t leave his heat scent anywhere, and it makes him choke every time he breathes in.

Yeonjun and Taehyun seem pissed off at him as well and Beomgyu retreats to his room right away, without saying anything to any of them. There’s two weeks until their comeback and Beomgyu might have fucked it all up because he couldn’t put on his big boy pants and admit the loss of Soobin was affecting him more than he expected.

Sure, it was embarrassing. But Kai is right—he still should’ve said something.

He should’ve done a lot of things. But he can’t do anything about all those mistakes now. He’ll let them stew in their anger for a bit, shit talk him amongst each other; they deserve to hate him for a while. He certainly hates himself.

Soobin is chosen as the one to take care of him until his heat kicks in, for two reasons: one, because he’s the person Beomgyu has to give an answer to anyway; and two, because everybody else is too pissed at him to speak.

Which he thinks is fair enough.

Soobin brings him food and towels and other things he needs for his pre-heat, but he never lingers long enough for Beomgyu to start a conversation with him, and Beomgyu can’t find the courage to interrupt him as he’s leaving the room.

Soobin’s avoidance is enough of an answer, isn’t it? If Soobin can’t stand to be around him, then—Soobin joining him for his heat is completely out of the question.

He hates how commonplace silence has become between them. They’re both talkative people; they used to be able to chat for hours without a single break. Now they can’t even speak a few words to each other.

He takes all his clothes except his boxers off because he’s dangerously close to overheating, then nibbles on his plate of chicken while watching a drama on his laptop. He’s never had a pre-heat before—they don’t happen every time, and all of his heats have started abruptly in full force, for better or for worse—but he finds that it’s rather boring. Especially with the medicine they gave him taking the worst of the actual heat off him, he doesn’t have much to do other than watch TV and stare at his ceiling.

The peace doesn’t last for long, because a few hours later, while he’s drifting in and out of sleep, his entire body seizes with a bone-deep need to be fucked open and he wails.

Soobin must have been waiting for him, because he’s inside Beomgyu’s room in a flash.

“Fuck. Beomgyu?” Soobin rushes to his bedside. His scent, his voice, everything about him—all of it brings Beomgyu relief. He’s safe. He’ll be okay. Soobin is here. “Is it starting?”

Beomgyu rolls closer to him, attempting to throw himself against Soobin’s chest. He can’t bring himself to speak. All he can focus on is the sudden need he has for Soobin’s hands on him, his lips on his skin, anything. He needs his alpha. It’s not a want. It’s a need.

He whines.

“Oh, god. It’s starting, isn’t it?” Soobin stops Beomgyu from rolling straight off the bed by grabbing his shoulders. “Have—have you decided on what you want to do yet?”

For a second he’s not even sure what Soobin is talking about, until he recalls what the doctor said before he was discharged from the hospital: he can either spend his heat with Soobin, or ride it out in unconsciousness.

Is… Soobin seriously offering the first option?

Is Soobin asking Beomgyu if he wants to spend his heat with him? Because if so—

“Beomgyu. Beomgyu, hey. You need to listen to me.” Soobin cups his face and Beomgyu’s eyes flutter shut, a deep moan leaving his lips. Soobin’s hands are big and cool and feel just like an ice pack against Beomgyu’s poor overheated cheeks. “Beomgyu.”

“I’m listening,” Beomgyu rasps.

“You need to tell us what you want to do. They can either knock you out for the week and you’ll wake up when it’s over, or… I can help you. But you have to choose now, while you’re still coherent.” Soobin’s thumb brushes along the curve of his cheek.

Beomgyu sighs. “What do you think, hyung?” he asks. He doesn’t have the patience to go back and forth with Soobin like this.

He’s in heat because of Soobin, smelling like sugar because of Soobin, leaking slick everywhere because of Soobin.

The only choice to be made here is from Soobin. Not him.

Soobin bites his lip. Beomgyu’s pupils dilate, watching his teeth sink into the skin, his vision honing in on Soobin’s canines, his mind reeling while imagining the sensation of just how sharp they’d be against his throat.

It’s beginning to smell like a fucking whorehouse in here, with how wet Beomgyu is getting, waiting for Soobin to hurry and do something. The longer Soobin has his hands on him, the more he leaks.

“You have to say it in words,” Soobin says, hoarsely. “You need to actually say it, Beomgyu. I can’t assume.”

Beomgyu’s eyes flicker back up to Soobin’s. They’re dark and hooded, completely unreadable to him. No trace of fear nor happiness. The lack of emotion makes it easier to tell the truth. Soobin won’t give him a reaction either way.

He might as well be honest out loud for once. Soobin already knows. Beomgyu knows he knows. He’s known for a while, since Soobin stopped speaking to him—but now the evidence is tangible and there’s no option of denial.

“I want you,” Beomgyu whispers, and nuzzles into Soobin’s touch.

Even the words I want you said out loud can’t convey the desire Beomgyu feels. But it’s close enough. It’s better this way; if Soobin understood the depths of Beomgyu’s love, he’s sure the alpha would run off in the other direction, terrified. Beomgyu is terrified of himself sometimes.

Soobin draws back. He’s careful not to show too much; even his scent is muted. “Okay. I’ll be back in a few minutes, alright? I promise. I just need to—I need to grab some stuff. And talk to some people. And sign some papers. And then we can…” He trails off.

“Okay.”

“I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

He finds it funny that Soobin always says that to him. It’s not as if Beomgyu can go anywhere. Both literally and metaphorically.

Soobin pulls off his hoodie and passes it to Beomgyu, presumably to tide him over until he returns, then practically sprints out of the room. He trips over his own feet and almost crashes straight into the wall.

Beomgyu would laugh watching if he wasn’t so close to breaking down. The moment Soobin is out of sight, he collapses. The only lifeline he has is Soobin’s hoodie.

Just like his first heat.

By the time Soobin returns, he’s shed all his clothes and rolled onto his stomach in a desperate attempt to get some friction on his cock. He literally feels when Soobin enters—the air thickens and suddenly the room grows so much hotter. He didn’t even know that was possible.

Soobin kneels down on the bed behind him. The mattress dips under their weight and he rolls Beomgyu over onto his back so they can look at each other. Beomgyu can’t focus on anything, his vision blurred by tears.

“What do you want?” Soobin whispers.

“You,” Beomgyu answers, like he wanted to the first time Soobin asked him, months ago in the hotel in Tokyo.

Soobin laughs gently. His hands roam down Beomgyu’s body, over his waist and then his stomach. The muscles in his tummy tense when touched, and he arches against Soobin’s palms.

“You need to be more specific, pup,” Soobin says. “I… I don’t know what I’m doing either, so.”

“... Do you really want to hear the answer?” Beomgyu asks, one last time, just to be sure.

“Of course I do,” Soobin breathes out. “I want to help you. It’s—this is my fault. I’ll help you. Just tell me what you need.”

“I need you in me.” Beomgyu licks his lips and withholds a whimper as Soobin holds onto him tighter, hearing his words. “I’m so empty, hyung.”

“God,” Soobin mutters. His eyes roam over Beomgyu’s body, bare and flushed from head to toe. Beomgyu’s skin erupts into goosebumps under his gaze. “God. Beomgyu…”

He sounds so affected already and Beomgyu moans, not resisting as Soobin parts his thighs. Soobin’s fingers dance along his inner thighs, smearing slick across his skin. The heat in Beomgyu’s stomach is coiled so tight already, moments away from snapping.

He squeezes his eyes shut, his breathing coming out laboured and wet. The words tumble out of him, not of his own volition, “I want you. Hyung, please. I want you. I want you so bad, I want—”

It really is such a poor substitute for how badly he needs Soobin’s cock in him. In his mind, he thinks he might die without Soobin’s knot. It’s that bad.

“I’ve got you,” Soobin reassures him. Two of his fingers, so blissfully long and thick, slide home, and Beomgyu gasps. “I’ve got you, Beomgyu.”

And he does.

It should feel clinical; Soobin is helping him purely because the only other option is drugging Beomgyu into unconsciousness, and that isn’t exactly a legitimate choice for somebody like Soobin, who takes everything as a personal responsibility. Soobin may have chosen this option, but it wasn’t his choice.

He’s so good at faking it, though. He seems to know exactly what Beomgyu needs, how to run his fingers across and inside Beomgyu’s body to mimic the way Beomgyu’s always dreamed of Soobin fucking him.

He comes three times before Soobin even gets inside him properly, and then another time as Soobin’s cock pushes in, Beomgyu on his hands and knees and Soobin’s chest pressed to his back.

“So tight,” Soobin murmurs against his nape. “Gotta loosen up, baby. You need to let me in.”

Soobin is so big, he’s so fucking big, and Beomgyu’s eyes roll back into his head in pure bliss before he goes completely limp. One of Soobin’s hands on his nape, holding him down, and the other on his hip. Soobin shifts, dragging his cock out just enough to shove back in after a second, and Beomgyu’s legs twitch from pleasure.

Soobin presses a kiss to the top of his spine and Beomgyu shudders, digging his nails so deep into the mattress he leaves marks on his sheets.

It takes all his energy to stay present, to focus on memorising how fucking perfect it all is: Soobin splitting him open, pushing in deeper and deeper, the bed rattling beneath them from the force of Soobin’s thrusts.

If there’s one thing he’s learned from this entire ordeal, it’s that he needs to savour every moment.

Somewhere along the way, Soobin flips him onto his back again, and fuck, Beomgyu has never seen anything more beautiful than Soobin over him and inside him at the same time, his huge cock nestled deep inside Beomgyu, his large hands tight around Beomgyu’s waist, his black hair matted with sweat to his temples. Beomgyu loves him so much.

“Alpha,” he pants. Soobin’s eyes snap towards his face from where he was staring at his own cock reentering Beomgyu. “Soobinnie hyung.”

“I’m here,” Soobin reassures him. He leans over to kiss Beomgyu’s forehead, practically folding Beomgyu in half to do so. His cock drives in so deep it makes Beomgyu’s toes curl.

“Knot me,” he begs. It’s not a demand so much as a question. He’s not sure what he would do if Soobin said no, though. “I need to be full of you. I need…” The tip of Soobin’s cock drags along his insides and he keens, choking out, “Need your knot. I need your knot. Hyung…”

Soobin groans. “You will be,” he promises. He finds Beomgyu’s hand and laces their fingers together, over Beomgyu’s stomach. “I’m going to fill you up so good, baby. I promise. Can’t wait to see you all round and fucked out. You’re so pretty.” He rolls his hips and Beomgyu gasps, drool slipping out from between his lips. “You’re so pretty. God, you’re perfect for me, aren’t you? My pretty, perfect omega. Gonna fuck you until you pass out, just like you deserve.”

He’s rambling, and even now, Beomgyu has enough presence of mind to think, he’s so cute.

And then, I love him. Because that’s what follows the first thought, always and forever.

Soobin knots him at the same time he spoons him, both his arms squeezed around Beomgyu’s middle. Beomgyu sighs happily, feeling Soobin’s cock fatten up inside him. It’s so much better than how he dreamed of it being. And he already thought it would be perfect.

“You still here with me?” Soobin questions. His knot has gone down, but his cock is still pulsing inside Beomgyu, half-hard.

“Mm.”

The incessant need in him has receded, satisfied for now. He’s not sleepy exactly, but he’s not entirely awake anymore either.

“Can I tell you something?” Soobin presses his lips to the crown of Beomgyu’s head, his nose buried in Beomgyu’s hair. Soobin’s warm breath fans out over the back of Beomgyu’s neck with every intake of air, and he shivers.

“Mm.”

“I’m really happy,” Soobin says, softly, quietly, like he’s divulging some dark secret. “This is a really shitty situation, but I’m still happy. I guess that makes me selfish.”

He shifts, and it stirs his cock inside Beomgyu, sending a bolt of heat down his spine. Beomgyu groans in delight.

“W—Why?” Beomgyu asks, breathless. “Why are you happy, I mean?” He’s doing his best to keep the conversation going, but Soobin’s cock, thick within him, makes a prominent case for him to keep getting distracted.

“I’ve dreamt of this for so long.”

That admittance brings Beomgyu’s thoughts back to the present quite quickly.

“... What?”

He swallows, unsure of what else to say, what to do with the information Soobin just offered up. It could be the effects of all the pheromones between them and his own muddled mind facing Beomgyu’s heat—but he sounds sincere that Beomgyu reconsiders.

Soobin says nothing more and instead wraps his hand around Beomgyu’s cock, pumping him to the slow, steady pace of his thrusts as he begins to move again.

There’s a gentle hand in Beomgyu’s hair and a purr already rumbling in his chest when he opens his eyes.

“Hey,” Soobin greets. Beomgyu is surrounded by him. His blankets and pillow and scent and even the air. It’s all him. Beomgyu tries to sit himself up on his elbows, but his muscles give out instantly.

“Soobin,” he rasps. His voice is so tiny, and he can’t seem to project it any louder.

“Shh.” Soobin gently pushes him back down. “Your heat finally broke. You need to eat.”

Beomgyu’s mouth is painfully dry. It makes it difficult to speak, but he manages, “How long was it?”

He has a vague recollection of what happened, but it’s all hazy. Like looking through a tinted window. The images flicker in and out and he’s not entirely sure what were dreams and what actually happened.

The last thing he can fully recall is Soobin telling him how happy he was. Fucking Beomgyu through his heat.

He’s still not sure what to do with those words.

Soobin pulls a carton of fruit off the bedside table and sits it on his lap. It’s only after Beomgyu has eaten his first strawberry that Soobin answers, “Five days. You barely slept or ate. It was… rough.”

“Oh,” is all Beomgyu can think to say.

Five days. That’s a long time for a heat. The most Beomgyu has had before this was three.

Soobin feeds him diligently, pressing the strawberries to Beomgyu’s lips, purposely avoiding touching him with his fingers. Beomgyu imagines himself reaching out and lapping the juices off Soobin’s hand; he imagines himself sucking on Soobin’s fingers and looking up at him the same way he did when he sucked his dick last night.

But he can also imagine Soobin pulling away, getting flustered and leaving Beomgyu alone, so he doesn’t chance it.

Even now, he’s scared. Even after what Soobin said. Especially after what Soobin said.

The strawberry melts on his tongue, and it takes a while for him to swallow it, lost in thought. He doesn’t understand why Soobin would say something like that. Why Soobin would reveal something so personal so late—weeks after he stopped speaking to him?

He understands the implications of Soobin’s words. But he doesn’t understand why he would say it only now.

“Beomgyu…”

The last strawberry passes in between Beomgyu’s lips. He chews and swallows it slowly, buying himself time to find the courage to say, “Hyung.”

Soobin falters. Beomgyu has never seen him like this before, not around Beomgyu. Hands restless, leg shaking, eyes flickering everywhere but Beomgyu’s. He’s nervous.

Nervous around Beomgyu. Is that how far they’ve fallen? Soobin once said that Beomgyu was the only person he’s truly comfortable with. Beomgyu would have said the same if they’d asked him.

But that was before they fucked during Beomgyu’s heat, caused by two years of them flirting on and off.

“You knew and didn’t tell me,” Soobin says, accusatory, and Beomgyu bristles even though he knows Soobin has the right to be upset with him. “I know you weren’t aware of the extent of it, but you—you knew something was going on. Because of me. And you didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Because I’m a fucking coward, he snaps in his head.

“I don’t know,” he says out loud, automatically. The default answer to everything.

“You don’t know,” Soobin repeats in disbelief.

Beomgyu shrugs. Now he sees why Soobin waited until he was finished with the strawberries to talk. Beomgyu has nothing to pretend to be busy with any longer, and all he can do is pick at his nails nervously.

“Beomgyu,” Soobin says, firmly. Beomgyu’s head snaps up, his eyes going wide.

It’s not how he normally speaks to Beomgyu. Soobin isn’t a genius, but he has street smarts, and he’s smart enough to know how to leverage his voice so it doesn’t trigger Beomgyu’s instinct to submit and listen.

He isn’t exercising that knowledge right now.

Right now, he’s acting like Beomgyu’s alpha.

Consciously. On purpose. With full knowledge of what he does to Beomgyu.

“What?” Beomgyu snaps, and it comes out harsher than he meant for it to. But he can’t help it. His stomach is doing flips, happy flips, his body thrumming with the satisfaction of being acknowledged by his alpha after so long.

“I could’ve been helping you this entire time if—if you’d just told me,” Soobin says. He curls his hands into fists in his lap. “Why would you suffer alone?” He repeats the same words Kai told him last week.

Beomgyu swallows the lump in his throat. Tries to, anyway. He fails.

“Nothing is worth losing you, hyung,” he says, like it’s obvious. Which it is. It should be. “What if I told you and you thought I was creepy?”

“Why the fuck would I think you were creepy?”

“Having your supposed best friend so obsessed with you he sends himself into heat…” Beomgyu chuckles dryly. He’s misrepresenting himself a bit here, because in no way is he simply obsessed with Soobin, but the core of it is true. “How is that not creepy?”

“Because you—” Soobin sounds utterly baffled. “What do you think has been happening the past few months?”

“You’ve been ignoring me?” If Soobin tries to argue against that, no way is Beomgyu going to back down without a fight. Regardless of Soobin’s intentions, he hasn’t given Beomgyu the time of the day in weeks.

Soobin huffs, “Well, yes, but—I was only ignoring you because I thought you thought I was creepy.”

Beomgyu stares at him blankly. It’s not that he doesn’t know what to say, because he does—What the fuck?—but he’s so shocked the words won’t come out.

Soobin notices his lack of ability to speak and continues, mumbling, “I thought… after what happened in Tokyo, you knew how I felt and were too nice to tell me to fuck off—”

Beomgyu finally regains the ability to speak so he can say, “What the fuck would give you that idea?”

“I asked you if you wanted anything else and you said no, I said I loved you and—”

“And I said I love you back!” Beomgyu hisses.

“Well, you weren’t very clear about how you meant it—”

“You could have just asked!”

Soobin levels him with a glare. “I was scared too, Beomgyu,” he says, and then his shoulders slump. Beomgyu’s heart instantly softens. “I’d asked you and you said no. I wasn’t about to ask you for a second time—because if I got things wrong, what would you have done? Pulled away from me anyway? I tried to let things continue normally after that, but…” He inhales sharply. “Having you around all the time with my scent on you…”

Something warm seizes Beomgyu’s heart. “Was it that difficult, hyung?” he teases.

“Yeah,” Soobin responds, seriously. “It was.”

Beomgyu inches closer until he’s right in front of Soobin.

It seems inconceivable that Soobin has been suffering this entire time, just as Beomgyu has.

“I knew you liked me, but—” Soobin’s lower lip snags in between his teeth, as it always does when he’s nervous, and Beomgyu wants to kiss him so badly. “The way you acted, how distant you were… I thought you just didn’t want to pursue it. Or it was in like a—an alpha and omega way—”

Beomgyu laughs hysterically, “‘An alpha and omega way’?”

Soobin’s cheeks go red. “You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t. Tell me, hyung.” Beomgyu can’t help joking with him. His heart is about to burst from pure joy.

If this is a dream, he better wake up now, before he’s irrevocably fucked up by how real it all feels. How it is to finally have his hopes fulfilled.

“I didn’t know if it was just my scent, or,” Soobin stammers, “you’re acting like this is my fault when you weren’t exactly clear either!” He jabs Beomgyu’s chest with his index finger and Beomgyu giggles.

“No omega is going to walk around wearing your shit unless they’re in love with you, hyung. Your taste in hoodies sucks.”

“Fuck, sometimes you make me—” Soobin grabs him by the shoulders and forces Beomgyu to look at him. “You drive me fucking insane, you know that?”

A smile crosses Beomgyu’s face. “So you’ve said.”

Soobin snorts, knocking their foreheads together. They’re so close he can feel Soobin’s breath fan out, over his own lips, every time he exhales.

“I hate you sometimes,” Soobin admits. Beomgyu hums. “You frustrate the hell out of me. But god, Beomgyu. I love you so much. Nothing you could do would ever make you lose me.”

Beomgyu laughs. He doesn’t know what else to do. He laughs because Soobin just said I love you, coming off five straight days of them fucking—four of which Beomgyu can barely remember. He laughs because Soobin is smarter than he seems and yet still too dumb to have made the first move. He laughs because he himself is stupid, maybe even more so than Soobin.

He laughs because he loves him and he can finally say it in the way he’s always meant, “I love you too.”

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until Soobin brushes away one of the stray tears. He’s not sobbing, or even crying that hard, but it’s not because he isn’t feeling enough. It’s because he’s feeling too much and he’s too overwhelmed to even cry properly. Soobin holds him close, peppering kisses all over Beomgyu’s face until he whines, ticklish.

It’s all out in the open now. There’s no choice to make other than the final one.

“Take my first kiss?” Beomgyu requests, pursing his lips cutely.

Soobin raises a brow at him. “How do you know we didn’t kiss already and you just forgot?”

Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “I know you, hyung. You’re too much of a gentleman.”

Soobin laughs, shaking his head, and then kisses him.

Five days after he fucked Beomgyu through his heat, two years after Beomgyu presented, five years after Beomgyu fell in love with him, and Beomgyu thinks, finally: he’s mine.

Beomgyu writes a whole apology to the other three before he leaves his room again, two days later. It’s barely comprehensible, and he cries halfway through, but he somehow gets it all out before Kai tackles him.

“Hyung,” Kai sniffles. “I wasn’t mad at you. I was just worried.”

Taehyun hums in agreement. “I was afraid we’d have to intervene for real.”

“No more hiding things?” Yeonjun makes Beomgyu promise.

Beomgyu nods, entwining his pinky finger with Yeonjun’s. They shake on it.

Soobin smiles at him from over Yeonjun’s shoulder, and later, after thoroughly smothering Beomgyu in his scent and his kisses, laughs at him. “No more hiding things, huh?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Beomgyu pouts.

Soobin tugs down the collar of Beomgyu’s shirt, low enough to reveal the dip underneath his collarbone, where Soobin bit him last night. The mark has faded into a thin scar, and it tingles when Soobin grazes a finger over it.

“If I’m hiding it, that means you’re hiding it too,” Beomgyu grumbles. He’s not hiding it. He just didn’t think that his apology was the time he should bring it up. Besides, he has a feeling they’ll figure it out before he can tell them.

“I never said I wasn’t,” Soobin hums, lips dragging up Beomgyu’s throat. “I am. Just for a little while… I want this for only us.”

Beomgyu’s heart flutters dangerously.

“You’re an asshole,” he says, and shoves Soobin off.

“What?” Soobin topples onto his ass, flicking away the bangs over his eyes. “What did I do?”

“You can’t just say shit like that!” Beomgyu yells, climbing onto his lap. He gives Soobin his best pout, batting his lashes and saying sweetly, “Don’t you know I’m a weak little omega—”

Soobin raises a brow at him. “You can lift me up without breaking a sweat. I don’t think you can be considered weak. And you’re only a few centimetres shorter than—”

“I was just in the hospital, my heart could give out at any moment—”

“What heart?” Soobin snorts.

“Hyung!” Beomgyu whines.

“Can you guys please shut up? Some of us are trying to be normal, thank you,” Taehyun’s dry voice cuts through their petty argument, all the way from the living room.

Beomgyu and Soobin glance at each other, cheeks going red, and then they both laugh.

It doesn’t take long for the other members to find out, and one of them must tell their manager, because he comes storming all frantic and flustered one night, demanding to see Beomgyu’s neck.

Soobin whistles, pretending to be intensely distracted by his phone. Beomgyu tugs down the collar of his shirt, just above where Soobin’s mark on him is, and smiles dazzlingly, “There’s nothing, see?”

“Lower, Beomgyu,” their manager scowls, unamused.

Beomgyu sighs and pulls it lower. When their manager’s eyes land on the mark, he groans, burying his face in his hands.

“You two…”

“Hey, it’s better than them never talking again,” Yeonjun pipes up, leaning against Beomgyu’s doorway.

“He has a point,” Beomgyu agrees sagely.

“Barely,” their manager mutters.

Beomgyu can’t find it in himself to feel guilty over it, not when he’s so happy. And, as Yeonjun said, it saves them all frustration in the end, so really, it’s a win for everybody.

“Maybe we should send him a gift basket,” Soobin suggests.

“A gift basket? Like what, chocolates? He would just give it to us.” Beomgyu sits perched against Soobin’s chest, his laptop sitting in between his legs. They’re looking up gift ideas, obviously—specifically apology gift ideas, because their manager took most of the heat from their company and that Beomgyu does feel a little bad about. “What about something practical? Like… I don’t know. Clothing? Clothing is practical.”

He clicks into the clothing section on the site and scrolls until he finds something half-decent. A padded jacket, 600 USD. Not bad.

“You want to get our manager clothing as an apology gift.”

Beomgyu can’t see Soobin’s face, but he can hear from his tone how unimpressed he is by the idea.

“Why not? It’s better than chocolates he isn’t going to eat.”

“Right.” Soobin clicks out of the clothing tab for him. Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “He won’t wear it. We both know it. He wears the same two jackets all the time. He hasn’t even worn the one Yeonjun hyung gave him last year.”

“Well, you don’t have any better ideas,” he accuses.

“Yes, I do. I said we should give him a gift basket.”

Beomgyu shoves the laptop aside so he can spin around, his thighs planted on either side of Soobin’s own. He’s still getting used to being able to sit on Soobin’s lap like this, and it fills him with a rush every time.

“That’s not a better idea. That’s just an idea.” He squishes Soobin’s cheeks in his hands.

“Stop,” Soobin whines, smacking his hand away, but Beomgyu is relentless, pulling his cheeks apart and laughing at the way his skin stretches. “Gyu, stop.”

“Not until you admit my idea is better!”

“Why the fuck does that matter?”

Beomgyu scoffs. “Because my idea is better, and I refuse to let you believe anything otherwise.”

Soobin stares him dead in the eyes and they glare at each other for a solid minute before Soobin sighs dramatically and says, “Your idea is terrible and would probably just make him hate us even more.”

Beomgyu gasps and grabs the nearest pillow so he can smack Soobin in the face.

“Hey!” Soobin yelps, and snatches up the other pillow, tackling Beomgyu onto the bed.

Things devolve pretty quickly from there, and they probably shouldn’t be letting Soobin bite him everywhere when they just got in trouble for that exact reason—but they’re newly mated and have five years of repressed sexual tension built up, so who can blame them?

They end up sending their manager the gift basket. He gives it to the other three with specific instructions not to share it with Soobin and Beomgyu.

It’s a small price to pay to be able to call Soobin his.