Work Text:
Richard knew love wasn't something he could obtain in this life. Not with a body so horrendous. It was a virtue of those who were beautiful and worthy of affection.
When younger, he wanted to be loved, like his mother loved his father, and how she loved his brothers. But he was different, Richard did not deserve love and his mother seemed to dedicate her life to making sure that he would never forget about the sin that his existence was.
At some point he made peace with it, there were many before him and there would be many after him who died without it. Despite how young he was back then Richard was old enough to understand that he lost his right to be loved with his birth, giving himself up to nightmares of being left behind, yet at this moment, with a warm body pressing into his spine, all the nightmares escaped his head.
The time they spent together in hunting lodge wasn't long, nonetheless such an idle way of spending it made it mellow and dreamy. He didn't know how he would go back to what his life became after his father's death, days spent here felt absolute. All the hours that passed could create an eternity. This scalding heat of another body under his covers was terrifyingly adequate.
With Henry by his side, it was almost like all of his worries did not hold any weight. Words of the curse repeated to him so many times he could vividly recall his mother's voice, pledge to his father, his brother's plans, it was all abstract.
Richard closed his eyes. He could both hear and feel Henry sigh deeply in his sleep, his rib cage expanding momentarily. They both lied on their sides. Henry must have dragged him to his chest unconsciously. This man, even in his sleep he couldn't leave Richard be. But it's not like he minded too much. Even if it was almost suffocating with how often Henry would get into his space. He wasn't used to that, to having someone so close - to strong yet gentle arms that fit the image of shepherd so well, if Richard focused closely enough he could feel Henry's steady heartbeat reflected on his own back and it made his heart hurt a little with dreams of things he knew he should not enjoy.
But today he was exhausted and heady on wine, so he let Henry shine his light into this harrowing meadow of his own heart and let himself have someone to take care of him like this. To hold him. Just for tonight, so this emptiness wouldn't be so all consuming.
There was no way to run away from those feelings anyways, he could bury them however deep he wanted but there was no way of making a corpse of them. Comfort which radiated from the man by his side persistently kept them alive, crawling away from their grave deep in Richard's heart, like a vampire that would err on a verge of hell, unwilling to leave him alone in the world of living, set on plaguing his mind especially in moments like this one.
However, the rain was still falling and Henry's breath was softly caressing his nape so he pathetically allowed himself to indulge.
To be held like this, like he mattered, like there wasn't anything wrong with him, like he was made to be loved like any other. Like he wasn't a demon.
But demons like him did not deserve love and one day there will come a time when he would have to tell Henry about his body, but for now, with shepherd's arms around his waist, for now he could just pretend.