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After the apocolypse-that-wasn’t Crowley and Aziraphale had been spending a lot of time together, more than ever before.
They saw each other almost every day, since they didn’t have anything else to do after they broke contact with Heaven and Hell.
Crowley would come to Aziraphale’s bookshop around midday, they would hang around for a while, which most of the time ended with them laying on the couch together, Crowley pressed against Aziraphale’s chest.
Then, when the evening would close in on them, they would go to whatever restaurant Aziraphale wanted to go to. Crowley would always let the angel choose, even when he politely refused and told him that “you really should choose this one, my dear.”
It would soften Crowley’s cold, black heart every time Aziraphale called him that. His heart had a tendency to do that whenever he was around the angel.
He’s not stupid, he knows what those feelings mean. Humans figured it out thousands of years ago. Love, what an annoying emotion. Crowley had accepted years ago that he would never be able to do all the things he wanted to do with Aziraphale.
But all these dinners they shared, all the hugs, all this time spend together had given him hope. Maybe Aziraphale is crazy enough to be willing to do this with him. So, he decided to finally tell Aziraphale how he felt that midday.
“Angel.” Crowley had said softly, laying against Aziraphale’s chest. It would’ve been a lie to claim his heart wasn’t racing in his chest. “What is it, dear?” The angel asked him.
Crowley moved away from Aziraphale, feeling too nervous to be so close to the angel when he finally told him. “I wanted to, uhm… to tell you, that…” Crowley said nervously. For someone’s sake, how do humans do this? “
“Tell me what, Crowley?” Aziraphale asked him, concerned.
Crowley took a deep breathe in and looked away. “I love you, angel. As in, I’m fully smitten, over my mind in love with you.”
Aziraphale didn’t say anything, not even when he looked up at him, waiting for an answer. He thought this must’ve been worse than the angel straight-up rejecting him.
“Crowley, you’re a demon.”
He was wrong. This hurt him so much more. No, this didn’t just hurt him. It broke his heart.
“I’m an angel.” He told him and he didn’t need to say anything else.
Aziraphale was right, of course, how dumb he was to think he might’ve been worth him. No, the angel was right. He’s a demon, he’s a monster and he knows it.
“I see.” Crowley said, he tried not to sound broken, so his voice came out bitter and cold. Good, Aziraphale doesn’t have to know how much his words hurt him.
He stood up, he had to get away before the tears would start to stream down his face. Aziraphale shouldn’t see him like that, no one should.
Crowley didn’t notice that Aziraphale called out his name or that he grabbed his arm, trying to get him back, trying to get him to stay.
He had to go, he had to leave.
Crowley drove home in his Bentley as fast as he could without getting into serious trouble, when he came home he closed the door behind him, walked into his room and broke down crying.
A week passed and Crowley hadn’t had any contact with Aziraphale. The angel called him multiple times, left him voice messaged even, but he didn’t listen to any of them. He couldn’t come back after what happened, he couldn’t be around Aziraphale when the angel broke his heart.
Not when Aziraphale made him feel disgusting, when he was the reason he hated himself. 6000 years spent on Earth together and after everything Crowley tried, all the diners, all the times he saved Aziraphale and he still wasn’t enough.
He thought, had hoped that maybe after all this time spent together Aziraphale could look past Crowley’s demonic nature. That he could see him for who he wants to be and not for what he is.
At the end of the weekend Crowley went outside for the first time. Why should he stay locked up? Because of some stupid angel? No. Damn him.
He went outside, deciding to simply go for a walk. All the places he visited, however, reminded him of the angel. It seemed Aziraphale was bound to never leave his mind.
Eventually he gave up and decided to go home.
That night Crowley woke up from someone knocking on his door. He sighed, deciding to just ignore it but ended up going downstairs when the knocking didn’t seem to stop after 5 minutes of waiting.
“What do you want?” He asked, annoyed. It was the middle of the night, for someone’s sake.
“Crowley, dear.”
The demon’s heart dropped upon hearing Aziraphale’s voice. “Go away, aziraphale.” He said, as coldly as possible, hoping the angel would go away.
“I’m sorry.” Aziraphale said, his voice breaking.
Crowley hated how broken the angel sounded, he should be the broken up one, Aziraphale rejected him.
“No, don’t you dare. Don’t you dare come here and apologise, aziraphale. I don’t want your apologies, I don’t need them.”
“But- but what I said to you Crowley, that you’re a demon and that we can’t- I am so…”
“You were right!” Crowley yells at him, having lost any grip he previously had on his emotions. “I am a demon. You have every right not to want this, not to want me, because of that.”
“My dear, I never-“ Aziraphale tries, but Crowley is too deep in his thought to listen to anything he has to say.
“I am a monster, Aziraphale!” He yells at him. “God rejected me for a reason.” He sighs, he wished he wasn’t this way.
“I thought maybe, maybe my actions matter more than that. Maybe I might be worth you.’ How stupid he was to even think that. “But I’m not, you are so good, angel.” He heard his voice break at that. “You are so good and I will never be worth that!”
Aziraphale stayed silent for a while after that. Crowley thought Aziraphale might’ve gone away, he would’ve had every right to, but it turned out he was wrong when Aziraphale suddenly spoke up again.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Aziraphale sighs, leaving Crowley all but confused. “It’s true, you are a demon and I am an angel, but if that didn’t matter I would’ve kissed you thousands of years ago.” Aziraphale is silent after that and Crowley is too confused to properly respond.
“It matters,” Aziraphale continued. “because if Heaven or Hell or both find out, they will hate us even more and Crowley,” Aziraphale sounded like he was about to cry. “I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you.”
Crowley didn’t know how to respond to that, too shocked to even comprehend what Aziraphale told him, he decided to open the door.
He didn’t realise Aziraphale was hugging him until he noticed how warm his body had become, Crowley looked down to see a white-haired angel embracing him like he was his whole world.
And that, that made him realise what just happened, what Aziraphale told him and for the first time in 6000 years he cried in the angel's arms. He let out all of the emotion he had forced himself to hide away.
Aziraphale never backed away, even as his coat became soaked with Crowley’s tears, even as he heard Crowley’s unbearable sobs, he was there. Hugging him, telling him that he’s there, that he isn’t going anywhere, that he’s loved.
After they had hugged for Someone knows how long, Crowley managed to calm down. He pulled away from Aziraphale, asking for permission with his eyes, the angel nodded yes and their lips finally met.