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The world around them lost shape, like a sodden-through watercolour picture. Everything blended together in Daliesque chaos. Hubbard didn’t know whether it was truly that bad or if the concussion and the blood loss made it seem worse than it was.
He hoped the uranium bomb had been worth it. If it had helped the people of the Institute, then it was all fine.
Hubbard resisted the urge to close his eyes out of discomfort. Instead, he concentrated his gaze on one thing—the most important thing.
Tang Lan, alive.
Tang Lan, now partly a magnificent bird. Hubbard had to concentrate on the feeling of Tang Lan’s claws biting on his skin as he was carried away from the fight.
They grabbed each other’s hands with a desperate grip. Tang Lan called him a hero, called them both heroes.
Hubbard didn’t have the energy to answer even though he wanted to.
Yes, you are the most heroic of them all.
Hubbard felt Tang Lan’s hot blood dripping onto his face and resisted the irrational urge to taste it. He didn’t know where they were going or if they would even live; the only thing he knew was that he had found Tang Lan again now, at the end of times. If this was truly the end, he would go gladly into that good night.
The last thing he heard before he lost consciousness was Tang Lan’s voice urging him not to sleep.
Hubbard hadn’t ever expected to sink quite this low. Being a mercenary was sometimes tiptoeing around the edge of lawlessness but this… this was a new low for him. A fleeting sense of shame was shrugged away by a much stronger wave of sadness. Who cared? The only one who’d have given him hell was gone.
The black market in the outer city was a bustling shithole. Hubbard blended in and followed the instructions to find the man. A couple of employees of the third floor tried to entice him on the entrance but he dodged both the men and the women and continued on.
The chip full of pictures seemed to weigh a ton in his pocket. Was he really going to go through with this? Truly? His steps faltered for a fleeting second before he resumed his brisk pace. Yes, he was.
The deal was struck fast, and Hubbard left as soon as the first payment had been dealt with. He left the chip with the pictures, reluctant to part with it even if its contents were only a copy.
The old man was fast, Hubbard had to give him that. In what seemed like no time at all he received a message that “the goods” were ready. The lair of the old pervert was as it had been earlier with only one addition. Hubbard eyed Shaw’s new little assistant and stopped himself from shaking his head.
Pity. That one looked way too clean for the kind of business the old man Shaw was running.
Hubbard left as soon as the transfer was complete. He still wasn’t fast enough to dodge the rest of Shaw’s sales speech.
Almost as good as a human. You can touch it if you like. If you’re too rough you can come back here and get it fixed.
Hubbard all but fled the scene with the big coffin shaped box in tow, trying desperately to tell himself that he hadn’t gotten the doll for that.
The lie fell apart the moment Hubbard unboxed the doll and found a separate bag marked with “Shaw’s compliments”. He regretted opening it as soon as he saw what was in it: a bottle of lube and a little booklet of instructions on the proper use of the doll. Resisting the urge to throw the lube bottle out of the window, he buried it resolutely back in the bag and set it aside.
The doll sat in one of the two chairs he had in his apartment. It was the same one where Tang Lan had liked to sit when had still been alive. The effect was eerie—it was almost as if Tang Lan had come back. Any moment he would speak to Hubbard, ask him about their next mission. Good naturedly needle him about some stupid thing he’d done.
The silence was heavy and Hubbard felt his eyes sting as he looked at the lifeless doll. He hadn’t cried when the disastrous mission had led to Tang Lan’s death. He had bottled up all the emotions and continued functioning. As long as he didn’t stop to think about it, it was all fine. He was fine.
And now, under the gaze of the doll, he crumbled. Crying hurt. Hubbard fell to the other chair. He leaned forward to grasp the hand of the doll that leaned on the hand rest. It was cold but the coating felt almost like skin. Hubbard was too far gone to care either way. He sobbed and grasped the hand.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He breathed in choppily. “I miss you. I miss you so much.”
The life with the doll was both worse and better than it had been earlier. Now, he didn’t have to fear that he’d forget how Tang Lan had looked. He could look at the doll and act just for a little while that Tang Lan was still there.
What made it worse were the nightmares of him fucking the doll. It first stared with a wet dream mixed in with a nightmare and later turned into a dream about fucking the doll. Hubbard blamed it on Shaw but if he was honest with himself, he was also to blame.
He’d wanted Tang Lan for as long as he could remember. First, it had been innocent, a childish want to be the closest person to him, to spend time with him. Later, after they’d both risked their lives for each other, been consecrated in the shower of blood, that feeling had changed. It had grown. And now, that feeling was still there, even if Tang Lan wasn’t.
Hubbard felt the doll against his back as he lay on his side in the bed. He had awoken from yet another dirty dream. His cock was still hard and his mind was full of fleeting erotic pictures of Tang Lan. He grasped his throbbing cock desperately, burying his face in the thin pillow and pushing his back against the doll. He wasn’t gentle, all but wringing out the orgasm and then just lying there, panting.
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that not soon after everything seemed to head into hell. There was no time to cry over the past or feel the mortifying rush of masturbating to the memory of your dead best friend, with the doll of said friend there to accompany you.
The loss of the outer city, the chaos in Eden. Disasters just kept coming, one after another. What was one more after all that had already happened?
“Damn it! Live!”
Hubbard woke to a sea of pain and being slapped on his face. He fought to open his blurry eyes and the first thing he saw was Tang Lan’s battered face. The cuts on his face still bled a little, and Hubbard could see a pair of battered wings behind him.
He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a pained croak.
Tang Lan hushed him. “Hush, don’t try to speak. Just try to stay conscious. This will hurt.”
Then, a burning pain took over Hubbard’s world and everything went black despite his best efforts.
It was much later when Hubbard woke up the next time. This time he managed to turn his head a bit, observing the room he was lying in. It was clear that it had been abandoned for a long time.
It was empty for the moment except for him and a pile of miscellaneous equipment.
Where had Tang Lan gone? Hubbard felt a wave of dread. Maybe he had just imagined it all? Just as he was starting to panic for real, he heard footsteps and turned his head to see Tang Lan walking in, carrying a big pile of stuff.
He still looked very beat up, but it was clear that the xenogenic recuperated faster than a normal human.
As soon as Tang Lan saw that Hubbard was awake, he unceremoniously dropped what he was carrying and hurried to Hubbard’s side. He reached out a shaky hand to touch Hubbard. Hubbard gathered his strength and grabbed Tang Lan’s hand.
It was real. This wasn’t an imitation; this wasn’t a doll. The skin of Tang Lan’s hand was warm and a little rough with callouses and scattered scars. Hubbard felt his eyes sting once again. He stubbornly blinked the tears away and gripped the hand as tight as he could.
“You’re alive!” His voice came out as a hoarse sigh but it was full of emotion.
He saw Tang Lan’s eyes shine with unshed tears, one of which escaped down his cheek as he nodded.
“Yes, yes I’m alive.” Tang Lan repeated.
The two smiled dumbly at each other, basking in the moment.
Later, they spoke at last after Tang Lan had helped Hubbard to sit and they’d eaten. The food was slightly stale rations that Tang Lan had brought there before.
“I found this place on a patrol a while back. Before the monsters got too dangerous to patrol this far out.”
Tang Lan adjusted the logs in the fire before looking at Hubbard.
Hubbard didn’t really listen, too caught up on looking at Tang Lan.
Days went by fast and eventually Hubbard’s injury got better as well. Tang Lan was still reluctant to let Hubbard move around without him around so they stayed together for most of the time. When Hubbard had still been unwell, the constant closeness hadn’t been a problem. Now, Hubbard found himself once again sleeping against a still slumbering Tang Lan, his cock rock hard in his pants.
He had managed to dodge the situation on previous mornings by leaving before Tang Lan woke up and dealing with his unwanted erection elsewhere. This time though, as he was going to move away, Tang Lan turned around to face him before he could leave.
“Where are you going?” The look on Tang Lan’s face was one Hubbard didn’t know how to read. He looked… sad somehow.
Hubbard choked on his excuse. “I... I…” he tried to twist around to hide the tent in his boxers but failed.
He saw Tang Lan’s eyes widen in surprise before he turned his face away, mortified at being discovered. He missed the flash of heat in Tang Lan’s eyes and was surprised when a firm hand grabbed his jaw and turned his head back to face the other man.
“Don’t you run from me now.” Tang Lan’s voice was full of barely suppressed desire.
“Tell me. Is this for me?” He demanded, shocking Hubbard further with sliding his free hand down Hubbard’s chest to cup is still hard cock.
He froze and looked at his old co-commander, his oldest companion—the one he’d thought that he’d lost forever. He couldn’t lie.
“Yes.” That single word was ripped from him.
Tang Lan smiled wolfishly, with an animal glint in his dark eyes. “Good.”
He moved faster than Hubbard could track, seating himself on Hubbard’s lap, facing the other man.
“I don’t want to waste any more time. I want you now. What’re you going to do about it?”
He ground his weight downward, teasing Hubbard’s cock and throwing the poor man even more out of the loop.
“But… How can you… since when?” Hubbard didn’t quite manage a whole sentence, trying his best not to get lost in the sensations.
“Since before I thought I lost you.” Tang Lan emphasized every word with a tiny grind against Hubbard.
“So, what are you going to do about it?”
Hubbard closed his eyes and leaned forward to rest his head against Tang Lan’s chest for a moment. He’d lost—when it came to Tang Lan he’d always lose, and gladly. Opening his eyes, he straightened his back and raised his hands to hook them behind Tang Lan’s neck.
Sitting on his lap, Tang Lan was taller than him. Hubbard found that he liked the feeling of Tang Lan towering over him, grounding him. He leaned forward and kissed Tang Lan. The first kiss was a fleeting thing, almost a peck. The one second was longer, Hubbard letting out a tiny sound—like a wounded animal—as he pressed closer to Tang Lan.
Tang Lan answered his plea and plastered himself against Hubbard, their cocks pressing together through their clothes. Both of them let out a groan and Tang Lan gave Hubbard’s lips a little bite before breaking the kiss, nuzzling the other man’s cheek with his nose.
Their breaths mingled, laboured from the intensity of the kiss. Hubbard slid his other hand to cup Tang Lan’s cheek and gently caressed the other’s cheekbone with his calloused thumb before leaning in for another kiss.
They kissed for a long time before Tang Lan leaned back and slid off Hubbard’s lap and knelt before him. Still caught up in the kiss, Hubbard just looked at him dumbly. He only came back online when Tang Lan started to peel off his boxers.
“You don’t…”
Tang Lan interrupted him, not stopping what he was doing. “Don’t say I don’t have to. I want to. Now sit back and enjoy.”
Hubbard groaned when Tang Lan freed his cock. Tang Lan gave it a few teasing pumps before sticking out his tongue and licking it lewdly, keeping his eyes on Hubbard’s the whole time.
Hubbard bit his hand in an effort to keep his groans from slipping out. It was no use as Tang Lan started to really suck his cock. He swallowed it almost to the hilt, licking and sucking it while bobbing his head in a mesmerising rhythm. What he couldn’t reach with his lips, his hands were on.
Hubbard’s whole world condensed to the two of them, the sensation and the view of Tang Lan on his knees, sucking his cock.
“I’m going to—” he didn’t manage to finish the warning before he came so hard that he saw stars. He tried to push Tang Lan away but the man leaned in to take even more of his cock in his mouth and swallowed it all. Only after he leaned back and looked very deliberately at Hubbard as he swallowed down his come. He even licked his lips, making Hubbard tremble a bit.
They both just caught their breath for a moment before Tang Lan climbed back on their makeshift bed and straddled Hubbard. He placed his hands on Hubbard’s broad chest and looked down at the man lying on the bed.
Hubbard looked up at him, eyes full of adoration and wonder, and hunger. “Tang Lan.”
He didn’t have to say more, the tone of his voice when he said Tang Lan’s name told the other man all he needed to know. He leaned down and devoured the other’s mouth, dominating the kiss completely and Hubbard went along with it enthusiastically.
Tang Lan only broke the kiss to get rid of his trousers and then climbed back to straddle Hubbard. Hubbard used the brief moment to fish out something out of his backpack.
“Use this.”
He gave the tube of lube to Tang Lan like an offering to a god, sending a grudging thank you to the departed Mr. Shaw for his generosity.
Tang Lan looked at the offered lube and then at Hubbard. “Are you sure?”
“I have never been more sure about anything,” he said, taking a hold of Tang Lan’s free hand to pass on the lube.
Hubbard leaned back and gave himself to Tang Lan completely. This wasn’t what he had ever visioned himself doing but with Tang Lan it felt right. Tang Lan could have him whatever way he liked.
Even with lube it hurt at first, before Tang Lan found the right spot. After that, Hubbard tried his best not to wriggle or groan too much. It was too much, yet not nearly enough. He wanted more than Tang Lan’s fingers inside him. He wanted Tang Lan even closer to him.
Tang Lan’s breathing grew more and more rugged as he continued to finger Hubbard open. Suddenly, Hubbard heard a whump, like air moving.
Lightheaded from all the new sensations and his spine tingling with pleasure, he didn’t first understand what was going on. Only when he managed to look down, he saw that Tang Lan’s wings had appeared. The wings were huge and black, covered with black lush feathers, slightly tinted with the darkest of blue on the edges. They were beautiful, and the last time Hubbard had seen them, they’d been ragged after the battle. Now, they were in impeccable shape.
Tang Lan withdrew his hand. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I can’t control the transformation if I’m too excited.”
Hubbard hurriedly shook his head. “It’s fine, I like them.”
He wriggled his hips, causing his cock that was hard again already to move where it lay on his stomach.
“Please, I need you, Tang Lan.”
He felt so empty without the fingers, he wanted something to fill him. To possess him.
He saw a predatory glint flash in Tang Lan’s eyes, like a bird of prey that had found a fat rabbit hiding in the underbrush. But this rabbit wouldn’t run away; instead, it waited there belly up for the predator to pick it up and carry it away.
Tang Lan lined up his cock and sunk in. With preparation and lube, his cock sank in smoothly, bringing out groans from both of them. Hubbard lay there panting for a short moment, getting used to the fullness. Then, he nudged Tang Lan gently.
“Move.”
Tang Lan moved. He pulled out and pushed back in, testing Hubbard’s reactions at first before picking up the pace. Hubbard panted and arched his back, meeting Tang Lan’s thrusts. He tried to look at Tang Lan’s eyes but instead his eyes found the looming wings. He leaned up to embrace Tang Lan and then raised his hands to trail them along Tang Lan’s back to where the wings grew out of it.
Tang Lan shuddered at the sensation and Hubbard stopped his hands, concerned. “I’m sorry.”
Tang Lan swallowed before bowing down to kiss Hubbard. “No. It’s okay. No one’s ever touched them like that. It feels… intense. But good.”
Hubbard leaned up to kiss Tang Lan again and experimentally sank his hands into the soft down at the base of the wings. The feathers on top were hard and sharp but the down was fluffy and so, so soft.
Tang Lan groaned and picked up the pace, fucking Hubbard faster. Emboldened, Hubbard continued to caress the wings. Soon, he felt a prickling sensation at his sides. When he turned to look, he saw long sharp claws growing from Tang Lan’s fingers.
Before Tang Lan had a chance to back away, Hubbard freed his hands from the wings and grabbed Tang Lan’s hands. He raised one hand to his face and very deliberately kissed each talon, not breaking eye contact with Tang Lan the entire time.
Tang Lan made a hurt little noise in the back of his throat before fucking Hubbard into the next week.
“So, are we going to live here from now on?”
It took a long time before either of them was capable of speaking. Hubbard’s voice was raspy with overuse.
They lay together on the bed, Tang Lan’s weight mostly on top of Hubbard though he wasn’t inside him anymore. They were both tired and sticky and so very happy. When Tang Lan didn’t answer him for a while, Hubbard moved his hand to pet one of his wings, earning a throaty noise resembling a chirp.
Tang Lan turned his head to nuzzle his chest before answering. “Yes, if you want. I have other stashes around and we can scavenge other things we need.”
Neither voiced it out loud, but they weren’t in a hurry to join the civilisation once more. If there even was a civilisation to join. They had each other and it was more than enough.
Hubbard kissed Tang Lan’s forehead and hummed. “Yes, I want to.”