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As in all great emotional scenes it was raining, and Anya couldn’t help but think it was ironic. Damian’s face was cold as ice but calculating. It was a radical difference compared to earlier that day when he had been simultaneously snarky and a blubbering mess which seemed to be his default setting in the same room as Anya. His father had asked for a meeting during lunch. Damian had been so excited because he had thought he was finally getting his father’s approval. Or at least his attention. When he had come back from the meeting, he had worn an emotionless expression, which had led to Anya cornering him after school. Now he leaned against the hallway wall near the main entrance, feigning indifference to the whole situation.
''Sy-on boy, we’re your friends. Let us help you with whatever it is,'' Anya pleaded and leaned forward to look into his eyes. Operation Strix had ended two years ago but some things had stayed. The part Anya had been the happiest about had been her family becoming a real one. Loid and Yor had gotten married for real and Anya had continued her schooling. For a person who had had such insecurity in her life, being repeatedly thrown from one home to another, it had been a miracle. She still had her abandonment issues but largely life was so much better now. As for Damian, Emile and Ewen, they had slowly become friends with Anya and Becky. Damian and Anya still bickered constantly but more in a friendly banter type of way. Sometimes if no one else was around, the pair could even be nice to one another.
Anya had also confided in her friends to some degree. Mama and Papa knew each other’s secrets nowadays so Anya had thought it wouldn’t hurt to copy them and talk about a few things with people she trusted. So, one day she had sat down all four of her closest friends and told them she was adopted. She wouldn’t tell them about her parents’ jobs or her own powers as that would have been too dangerous. Shock on their faces, especially Becky’s, had been hard to look at. Thankfully none of them had treated her any different despite her revelation.
''You can’t fix it because nothing is wrong. My father just reminded me about how important my studies are,'' Damian answered with a slightly frustrated tone.
Anya hummed, clearly not happy with his response. She put more force behind her words this time, ''If nothing is wrong then why do you look like someone died? You don’t need to study harder either. You’re top of the class in almost every subject.''
At least there was some emotion on Damian’s face now, even though it was mostly anger. Anya thought being angry at her was infinitely better than pretending everything was fine.
''What do you know about having demanding parents? Pops is nice and cares about you,'' Damian spat out, getting angrier by the minute. He knew his anger was misplaced. Despite the quarrels between them, he knew Anya was trying to help. He should have been angry at his father. But as usual, he’d frozen in front of him when he had told him how disappointed he was. Damian wished his father would yell at him if he was so unsatisfied. Anything but the disinterested and mildly inconvenienced look he had in his eyes. It was getting hard for Damian to be civil with Anya. The girl had always had a way of pushing his buttons.
Anya furrowed her eyebrows a little and said, ''Papa can be demanding! But that’s not the point. You should be your own person, Sy-on boy.''
''And what makes you the expert in becoming independent from your parents? You don’t know anything. Your real parents threw you away anyway!'' Damian yelled the last sentence. He regretted it instantly, when he saw the genuine hurt flash across Anya’s eyes. The normally shining emeralds lost their spark and became dull. Anya’s mouth formed a thin line as if she was trying hard not to burst into tears.
Shit. I went too far.
''Wait – Anya – please,'' he muttered out helplessly and took a step forward, only for Anya to take one backwards. Unable to see her expression properly, Damian reached to grab her shoulder, but Anya swatted his hand away.
Her eyes were void of any emotion, but voice was laced with anger when she glanced up at him and said, ''You might want to stop pushing away the few people on this planet who genuinely care about you. Just something to think about.''
Then Anya ran out the main doors, straight to the rain hammering down from the skies. Shouting after her was futile and Damian fell on his knees, holding his head in his hands. There was no way Anya would forgive that kind of remark easily. It had been a low blow, especially because she hadn’t done anything to deserve it. Frustrated with his own immaturity, he dashed after her. Rain was too thick though and Anya was nowhere to be seen.
***
The ground was getting slippery from the mud mixing with rain. Anya hadn’t thought the weather would be this bad, foolishly assuming the woods would be safer and dry. The leaves and branches of trees might have shielded her a little, but her school shoes definitely weren’t meant for this kind of terrain. Mama and Papa would be so disappointed when she would come home in muddy clothing. Anya knew there was a small gazebo nearby and decided to make her way towards it, hoping it would be a good place to wait for the rain to stop. It was in her sights soon, just over the narrow trench. On any other day Anya would have been able to jump across easily, but now her shoe slipped and she fell in the trench as a little yelp escaped her lips.
First thing she noticed was a sharp and thudding pain in the back of her head. Her ankle also felt funny, but it was secondary pain compared to her head. Tears prickled in the corners of her eyes. It really wasn’t her day today. Letting out an angry grunt, she tried to get up, only to fall back down when pain ripped through her head and she felt disorientated. Anya brought her hand to the back of her head and noticed her hair was sticky from something else than mud too. Any time Becky had described how feminine girls fainted in her romance shows, Anya had imagined it to feel quite different. Reality was more uncomfortable and harsher. It was harder for her to make out the details of the forest around her, the little droplets of water raining down on her after sliding down the leaves of the trees. The air felt dusty and suffocating, and Anya had the sudden urge to heave. Breaths now shallow and tired, she realised she was clocking out. Her last coherent thought was that the early autumn leaves were the colour of Damian’s eyes.
After some time, Anya noticed her uniform was getting wet and she registered the surrounding coldness enveloping her. It was dark. She had no idea how long she had been unconscious. The blackness around Anya wasn’t that of normal late evening because it felt and looked like nothing. From far away, she could hear something that sounded like screaming. Noise was muffled and Anya couldn’t make out where it was coming from. Her body felt heavy and light at the same time, like a feather restrained to the ground. She could feel the water’s presence before she saw it. Little streams of dark and icy water crept towards her slowly. Screaming had faded now, and it was so silent she could hear her own heartbeat. There was an aching discomfort around the back of her head, and it bothered her greatly.
The water had reached her, and Anya could see it mixing with a steady flow of strikingly red liquid. This all only mildly interested her. She briefly wondered why she wasn’t panicking. It was freezing cold now, but she couldn’t tell whether the cold emitted from inside her or from outside into her. Anya could feel her thoughts slowing down. Any ideas and images escaped her and melted into the darkness. In a way she supposed this was pure bliss. It was the first time she had ever experienced tranquillity in her own mind. No poking emotions and thoughts of others were making contact with her. It was finally quiet, just Anya inside her own head. So much room for her own needs it felt liberating. Because of her special abilities she had always been burdened by others. Anya was empathetic and liked being able to help people but even she occasionally wished to only exist for herself.
There was too much water around her. She would drown if she couldn’t move soon. Anya tried to move her fingers, but it seemed there was a disconnect because she didn’t feel them moving. Dying seemed like an odd concept and Anya pondered about it absentmindedly. It didn’t feel real. She noticed herself sputtering the cold water just before she inhaled some of it. Strong taste of iron hit her taste buds. Blood. No surprise there. Her dizziness and the inability to move had pointed towards her hurting herself. It kept nagging her, how serene she was despite the ongoing emergency. Everything she had ever read had indicated drowning was a painful way to go so it was a pleasant surprise when water filling her lungs didn’t hurt. Anya gave up trying to see anything and closed her eyes, too tired to make an effort.
Next gasp for air resulted in the worst pain Anya had ever felt in her life when the water filled her lungs again instead of air. Her body spasmed as she fought to stand up, to find anything she could use to pull herself upwards. Seeing and hearing nothing, panic set in her soul. Understanding that the previous detached feeling had been the result of shock, she now struggled against her awaiting doom. There was no way out. She tried to scream but wasn’t sure if any voice had come out. Another spasm lifted her from the raising water slightly and water spluttered out of her lungs. Anya managed to inhale a little bit of air before falling back into the water. It burned on the way down. She tried to hold the air in but failed when a sharp pain at the back of her head caused her to breathe in more icy water. Her chest was tearing apart. Helplessly she hoped someone would just rip her heart out of her chest and end it all.
Anya’s mind was slipping in and out of complete calm. She wished for it to end, harder than she had wished for anything in her life. Those who went quickly and painlessly suddenly seemed very fortunate in Anya’s eyes. What a peaceful way would it be to go to sleep and slip away without suffering. Life didn’t flash before her eyes as it did in the movies. It disappointed her. Peaceful lightness entered her slowly and she noticed herself relaxing. If she could just sleep now and give up, she’d surely be granted tranquillity. Her life was a lie anyway. And on the plus side, there would be no more screaming to her pillows after waking up during yet another nightmare about her childhood. What use was it to fight now the pain was disappearing too. Only thing she would have wanted to do was to tell Papa and Mama she loves them one more time, attend Becky’s wedding in the future and tell Damian – well, tell him something. It didn’t matter anymore.
***
''Not here!'' Becky yelled loudly from the other side of the little trench that circled around the campus through the thick woods. Damian gritted his teeth and glanced at the map on his hands. She would have to be here somewhere. He had gotten worried when Anya hadn’t appeared to take her bus home. No one had seen her since their fight. Henderson had called her parents and she hadn’t been found home either. Cameras had confirmed she hadn’t left the school grounds. Rescue party had arrived from the emergency services promptly and all students had been told to wait inside and not go looking for her. The weather was slightly better but still bad enough that they didn’t want any other students to go missing on the grounds. Damian, Becky, Emile and Ewen had ignored those orders and snuck out the first chance they had. Damian would be damned if he would just sit around waiting for news when Anya was missing.
Guilt was ripping Damian apart. If something had happened to Anya, it would be all his fault. He had to fight against imagining the worst-case scenarios and concentrate on finding her. Suddenly Damian remembered the little gazebo. He had once found Anya crying there when her parents had fought, and she was upset. She might have gone to the same place.
''Becky! She might have gone to the gazebo!'' Damian shouted, almost convinced he was correct. Call it a gut feeling, call it knowing her well, but he knew she would have tried to go there. Becky didn’t question his logic and they all changed directions and scanned the environment leading to the gazebo. Damian was the first to see Anya. Her pink hair, now muddy and wet was peeking from the trench. Stumbling a little on the way, Damian rushed towards Anya. He couldn’t believe they’d found her. But the dread of seeing in what condition she’d be in made him choke up. It was like a flag of fear, giving him the chance to anticipate the possibility that he might not like what he would find.
''Anya!'' he yelled in shock, seeing Anya’s figure in the water, face completely submersed. The rest of their friends heard the shout and rushed to his side, just in time to see Damian in the knee-deep water pulling Anya out of the water and into his arms. Her body was limp, and water splashed around from her long locks. Becky and Emile helped pull her up to the ground as Ewen ran towards the school to tell the emergency services they had found her. The two remaining boys laid her down on the patch of grass carefully, worried there might be injuries.
''Boss-man, she is bleeding from her head,'' Emile said in a trembling voice. The sentence broke Damian in a way he didn’t know it was possible to be broken. Damian unwrapped his scarf from around his neck and pressed it on the wound while he checked if she was alive. To his horror, Anya was lifeless and wasn’t breathing. He froze entirely for a second before remembering that CPR was needed. He felt a panic rising inside, suddenly forgetting everything he was supposed to do. Palms sweaty and heart beating erratically, he watched Anya’s best friend give him a look.
''Desmond! Man up and start with chest compressions now, '' she said with a furious look in her eyes. It was like being slapped across the face with a wet rag. Determination in Becky’s eyes was exactly what Damian needed to stop thinking and start acting. Becky yelled instructions to them all, when she took charge of the situation. Only tears running down her cheeks betrayed her, showing how much stress Becky was under. Emile, being mostly dry despite the rain, ended up removing Anya’s outerwear and wrapping her in their coats and scarves. At the same time, Damian kneeled next to her and pressed onto her chest with his palms, counting the chest compressions out loud. Becky moved to hold the scarf to the headwound while listening for approaching emergency services. Her sniffles and Damian’s counting filled the air.
Damian’s mind was numb. Ever since he had seen her in the water, only thought in his head had been ‘don’t take Anya away’. He tried to keep his concentration in chest compressions, but Anya’s blue tinted and frozen skin demanded his attention. Becky was amazing. Damian had no idea how she managed to instruct them all and remain calm in this situation. 27…28… A violent cough escaped Anya’s lips and water flooded out. Emile cried out and helped Damian to turn Anya on her side. Her eyes rolled back, and Damian could have cried. She wasn’t gone yet. Knowing full well things weren’t fine at all, he held her head to prevent further injuries as Anya suddenly threw up water and mud forcibly. After the amount of water, she had digested and inhaled, it was no wonder.
To Anya it all felt as if she had popped her head back to the surface from underwater. Feeling the urge to cough, she sputtered out water at an alarming rate. It hurt like hell. If this was death, then Anya was sure she had been a horrible person to deserve it. Aches and tiredness of her body were nothing compared to how her throat, chest and head felt like. Whereas only a moment ago there had been deafening silence, now there was so much noise she felt like she was getting suffocated by it. Even her own heart beating was like a hammer inside her head. Anya opened her eyes to test it out. She couldn’t make out her surroundings, but everything wasn’t dark anymore. She inhaled ragged and forced breaths and despite the pain, the air filling her lungs felt like she imagined taking ecstasy felt like. Anya heard his thoughts before properly registering anything else.
Thank God. Anya is alive. She is alive. But why isn’t she responding?
She would know that internal voice anywhere. Absentmindedly, she noticed she was feeling warmer by the minute. Cocooned in something soft, it was like lying on a cloud. Not sure if her eyes were open or closed, she used all her willpower to reach towards that voice with her hand.
Anya’s friends watched her draw in painful breaths. Her wound was still bleeding but the blood flow pouring out was slowly diminishing. Her eyes opened and closed but they remained unfocused and she wasn’t responding to any of their attempts to talk to her. Becky was petting her hair and the boys were sitting next to her. Time seemed to be moving slower than usual as they waited for help to arrive. Damian wasn’t sure if the cold inside him was from fear or his drenched clothes or both. He had closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears from spilling, when he felt a soft and cold brush of skin against his hand. When his eyes shot open, Anya was looking in his general direction but clearly not seeing anything. She coughed with a gurgling noise. Her small hand had reached for his, interlocking their fingers.
''Anya?'' Damian asked and grasped her hand harder but with care. She took a while before she let out a croaking murmur and furrowed her eyebrows, ''Sy-on boy?''
Now Damian couldn’t help it, dam broke and the tears fell on his cheeks. He reached to place his other palm on her cheek and tried to sound reassuring, ''It’s me. Becky and Emile are here too. Ewen is getting some help, it’s on the way.''
Too tired to concentrate trying multiple things at once, Anya’s eyes fluttered close when she answered with a small nod. Moving felt funny like her joints were resisting any movement.
When they heard the sirens, Emile dashed to meet the first responders halfway. Watching Anya being lifted onto a stretcher was hard for them all. Panic surged inside Damian as if the minute he would have Anya out of his sight, she’d be gone. Like she had sensed his inner turmoil, Becky held onto Damian’s arm and practically pushed him to leave with the ambulance. She watched him with a sympathetic expression and said they would change into dry clothes, grab him some clothing too and follow them to the hospital. Damian decided then that no matter how much Becky would tease him afterwards, he would thank her for staying calm and rational when he couldn’t.
***
It was soft and light around Anya when she came to. Her eyelids felt incredibly heavy when she opened her eyes as if they weren’t ready to see yet. Feeling groggy and unfocused, Anya turned her head to her side and winced when a stinging and pulling pain in the back of her head shook her.
''Anya?'' she heard a familiar voice call out. Slowly, careful not to hurt herself more, Anya glanced at the direction of the voice. Damian was there, sitting next to the bed on which she was laying. She had never seen him like that. Damian’s normally carefully arranged curls were messy, his eyes were red rimmed and there was a paleness to his skin that had never been there before. On top of it all, he was wearing a faded black t-shirt instead of his normal upper-class clothing choices. But it was his eyes that worried her the most. They seemed bigger than usual, tired and so haunted it broke her heart. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He watched her carefully like he wasn’t sure of what he was seeing.
Anya blinked slowly, still not quite understanding what was happening and asked, ''Am I dead? I thought you’d look happier in my dreams in the afterlife.''
Damian let out a choked laugh which sounded more like a sob. Leave it to Anya to reprimand him for how he looked just after almost dying. He tried to ignore the fact she had imagined seeing him after she died, not wanting to give himself too much hope. Reaching to hold her hand and give it a quick squeeze, he answered, ''You’re alive and in a hospital. Wait here, I’ll have to tell the doctor you’re awake. I’ll be right back to tell you everything.''
Anya’s eyes widened to a terrified expression when Damian got up to leave. She rushed to sit up, the change in blood pressure making her wobble from dizziness. Inside her head was banging and she felt sick, but her chest was the worst. Sweat pushed through when she grabbed Damian’s wrist and clasped the front of her shirt in pain. Her pupils had dilated from the rush of adrenalin coursing through her body. Anya’s body had worked quicker than her mind, her brain checked out entirely from panic taking over. Discomfort and pain in her chest worsened when she took in shaky and shallow breaths. Emotionally scarred and looking for safe harbour, Anya reached for Damian like a scared little child.
''Don’t leave me,'' she whispered in anguish. She didn’t know why but it felt like if he left now, she would go back there, to the torment ripping through her body. She’d be gasping for air but never finding any. High in adrenaline, reeking of fear, Anya tightened her grasp of him.
Damian looked at her with eyes almost as wide as Anya’s. To see her like that, covering in fear and panicking, broke him inside. He really needed to get the doctor but when the tears started running down her cheeks, he knew he had lost the fight. Even during their happiest days, he’d always been weak for crying Anya. So, he sat down slowly and carefully pressed her back down to avoid further injuries. She still wouldn’t let go of his hand, the grip being almost painful now. But it was proof that she was alive and here with him, so he didn’t mind.
She can break my wrist, I don’t even care.
His thoughts when he had watched her sleep had been all over the place. Previously he would have been sure it would be impossible to have so many emotions in so little time. Relief had cradled his sensitive mind for the large part of the time he’d spent sitting next to Anya. There were other emotions too. Regret for what could have easily been the last conversation he would have had with her. Embarrassment over his own uselessness in a dire situation. Hopefulness for her recovery. Fear in the face of possibly losing the one woman he had ever cared about. And of course love, painful and real, pulsing through his heart.
Anya’s heartbeat had kept him awake. Becky had had to drag him to the bathroom to change his clothes, because he was afraid to leave her side. Just in case, he had said to Becky and watched her eyes to fill with pity. It had been an unusual sight from his classmate as it was well known she didn’t think he would deserve Anya. Most of the time he had been there watching Anya’s chest move up and down while her battered heart was beating stubbornly, and ripped lungs struggled to provide her body with oxygen. Far too young to leave this world just yet and beautiful despite all the bruises and bandages, Damian had mused inside his head. He swore the corners of her mouth curled up after he thought about those things. There was nothing right about how she had ended up here, fighting for her life. If only he would have stopped her from running outside. If only he would have stopped being a coward and told her how he felt. If only he would have not hurt her like he had. Maybe none of this would have happened and he could have spent the last few days enjoying their picnic lunches.
He knew Anya didn’t blame him; she never did. When they had been little kids her company had always been an odd mixture of being reprimanded and forgiven at the same time. As they had gotten older, harshness of his behaviour had slowly melted. It was easy now, being friends with her, Ewen, Emile and Becky. Not a superior, just plain old Damian. He’d found he far preferred real relationships as painful and confusing as they were. Anya had always been there for him. Once she had even held him as he cried his eyes out over yet another instance of coldness from his father. Her kindness was like a shower of warmth, helping to defrost his icy soul. When the rudeness, arrogance and perfectionism had eased a little, he’d noticed he was not a bad person. Just a boy trying very hard, too hard in many instances. It had been Anya who had shown him that.
''It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. I’m sure the doctor will come soon,'' Damian tried to reassure Anya. She took one long look at him before calming down and letting go of his wrist. Dried tears decorated her cheeks now and some of the pain and fear was still in her eyes.
''What happened?'' Anya croaked out in an exhausted voice. ''Are my parents here?''
Damian looked uncomfortable for a while before answering, ''They’re here. I’m sure they’ll come in soon. After our fight I ran after you, but you were gone. And when you missed your bus and I still hadn’t found you, I got worried, so I told Henderson. He got a rescue party together from emergency services and called your parents. Students were told to stay inside but Becky, Ewen, Emile and I sneaked out to help look for you. You were missing for three hours all together.''
Anya had a sympathetic look in her green eyes and she briefly brushed her fingers on Damian’s arm, ''Sorry. Did you get in trouble?''
Swallowing hard, he shook his head before continuing, ''No, we didn’t. I thought you might have gone to the gazebo, so we looked for you there. I found you – your body was in the water, head down – I thought you were – you were dead.''
He paused for a minute and tried to control his emotions. It was harder to speak about it all than he thought it would be. The feelings he had had in the forest were daunting him. Anya’s broken body was simply more than he thought he could handle.
''Becky was amazing – don’t tell her I said that – she was giving us instructions. You weren’t breathing so I did chest compressions. There’s a big wound in the back of your head and Becky was holding my scarf against it. Emile wrapped you in coats because you were freezing and Ewen ran to get help,'' Damian continued and noticed his cheeks were wet yet again. ''You spat out the water and started breathing but you weren’t responding at first. Just before the emergency services arrived you umm – you took my hand and umm – you took it and said my name, well, the nickname anyway.''
Even in his distressed state, thinking about it made Damian’s face flush red. He finished his story before he would embarrass himself further, ''I came here with the ambulance and you. Your parents, Becky, Emile and Ewen met me at the hospital. Your uncles arrived soon after. We weren’t told much at first. You have fractures in your skull, a wound at the back of your head, broken ankle and toe and you suffered a near drowning experience. You’ve been asleep for five days. The doctors – they’re worried you might have some brain damage from lack of oxygen – I think they’ll be happy to see you’re awake. And so will everyone else, I’ve never seen Pops so worried.''
Loid had been an absolute mess after arriving to the hospital. Yor had had to practically carry him to sit down. It would have been a little funny if the situation hadn’t been so horrible. Watching how much they cared for Anya and each other had been hard for Damian as he had still blamed himself for what had happened. It also made him curious, having never been a recipient of such strong love Anya’s parents had for her.
As if the universe had heard their conversation, Loid and Yor entered the room. After a case of shocked faces, they both ran to Anya’s side. Seeing their crying faces was too much for Damian and he decided it’d be best to give them some privacy. With that in mind, he excused himself and made his way down to the hospital café where he knew Becky, Emile and Ewen were.
***
''Anya, you should have seen Desmond while you were unconscious. I’ve never seen him like that. He didn’t move from your side unless he was being forced to. I’m telling you, he didn’t even shave. And we know Desmond with an unshaved face means serious emotions,'' Becky explained to her best friend. Yor and Loid had left already, after Anya insisted they get some sleep. Becky had agreed to make a chart so someone would always be in the room with Anya until she could go home.
Anya blushed a little and stammered when she answered, ''Umm maybe he just felt – I don’t know – guilty. Because of the fight or something. There’s no way he feels like that about me.''
Becky shook her head and fussed with her long pigtails before answering, ''No, I’m serious. Desmond is into you. He has been ever since we were kids. You know he insists he still can’t leave the hospital. Even your parents agreed to go and rest before coming back now your condition is stable.''
There was a sudden knock on the door and Damian peeked in from the doorway. He didn’t look much better yet, still as dishevelled as before. His expression reminded Anya of a lost puppy. Becky smirked knowingly and decided to give the pair a little time to chat. As she made her way out, she winked at Anya, which caused her to turn as red as beetroot.
Damian sat down on the same chair he had been sitting on when Anya had woken up. His gaze was at his lap like he was a schoolboy about to get reprimanded by the teacher. Long locks, messy and sticking up unlike usual, shielded his face from Anya’s curious eyes. She noticed he was trembling ever so slightly before he muttered out a quiet Sorry.
''Don’t,'' Anya said in a tired voice, knowing immediately what he meant. ''It wasn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you when you didn’t want to talk. And it was my decision to go into the woods. I was stupid.''
Damian raised his eyes to meet hers and was briefly overwhelmed by the emotions in them. Thinking about it all suddenly made him a little angry. Clenching his fists and tears threatening to spill yet again, he said through gritted teeth, ''You know what? Yeah, you’re stupid. Who even thinks to – I can’t even imagine what could have – How could you? You could have died! You could have died in my arms. How do you think that makes me feel?!''
He hadn’t meant to yell at her. Seeing Anya flinch under his rage caused a wave of guilt to pass through him. He should have calmed down and talked to her about it later when she wasn’t on a hospital bed, recovering from a near death experience. But her wide emerald eyes only managed to make Damian angrier. To think that he might have lost her, never being able to tell her how much she meant to him was unfathomable. It was simply unacceptable. Anya pressed further into the mattress when Damian leaned over her, just to put emphasis on his point.
''I don’t know,'' she whispered, and her cheeks were wet from a completely new set of emotions. She watched Damian open and close his mouth a few times as if he was trying really hard to reign in what he wanted to say. He settled in a half-hearted ‘doesn’t matter’ and slumped back to his seat next to Anya’s bed. Leaning his head on his hands, elbows resting against the edge of Anya’s hospital bed, he sighed deeply. Anya watched him with an unusually careful expression before moving her hand to run her fingers through his messy curls. Seeing his ears turn pink from her touch made Anya want to laugh. Some things never seemed to change.
''I’m sorry I didn’t make it to you sooner. You must have been scared,'' Damian muttered.
Anya played with one of his curls and answered in a quiet voice, ''Yeah. I wanted to give up. But I’m glad I didn’t. Who would annoy you then?''
Her statement made Damian lift his head. There was a playful smirk on her lips, and he turned his head to the side, embarrassed by his beating heart.
''You’re right. Who would I call a shrimp commoner then?'' he said.
I don’t know what I would have done if you had died.
Damian’s thoughts were pained despite his high-spirited words. Anya was used to him saying the opposite of what she could read from his thoughts. Sometimes it bothered her, and she wished he would just tell her those things.
''No one. Anya is too good of a target for your remarks,'' she laughed before turning serious and adding. ''Thank you though. You saved me, Sy-on boy.''
Damian looked at the respect and gratitude in her eyes and didn’t quite know what to do with himself. Sometimes he felt she could see right through him and understand him in levels others couldn’t. He felt at home with Anya. There were times when he had shown her sides of him no one else knew even existed. Vulnerable thoughts and insecurity someone born to his world shouldn’t possess. Perhaps it was her lesser societal status that made her so perceptive and kind. His very core had been shaped by this woman and she brought out the best in him. Anya was his compass, his light. He was lost in her emerald eyes when he answered in a shy voice, ''You’re welcome.''
***
Damian pushed the wheelchair forward in a leisurely pace. Anya had finally been allowed to go outside and she was excited to see something else than her hospital room. Wrapped up and comfortable, she enjoyed the slow walk outside in the garden next to the hospital building. Damian stopped near a pond and scooted down next to her so he could be at the same level. Pond was reflecting glittering light all around and the approaching colder weather had withered the vegetation around it.
''Sy-on boy?'' Anya asked in a tentative voice and Damian turned to look at her with his hazel eyes. In this light they had shades of gold and green in them. The pair of them had grown closer than ever over the last month. Damian had taken the job of bringing her all their schoolwork and tutoring her in things she didn’t understand. He was by her side almost every day. Anya had noticed a certain softening in both his thoughts and actions. His nice and polite side, which Anya had only witnessed a handful of times before the accident, seemed to be pushing through lately. The inner turmoil in his head had quieted down and his mind seemed more focused and at ease. The pink haired girl had known Damian harboured some deeper feelings for her beforehand too but after the accident his thoughts had become so gentle, they were hard for Anya to listen without crying.
Becky had been there when Anya had realised, she returned Damian’s feelings. Answer for everything had always been there right under her nose. It hadn’t been a coincidence that in her darkest moment it had been Damian’s inner thoughts that yanked her back to consciousness. Or that she had thought the leaves she had seen in the forest before blacking out had been the colour of Damian’s eyes. She wanted to gaze into those hazel depths for the rest of her life. But Anya also knew Damian would never make the first move, even if his thoughts were tender now.
''I love you, Damian,'' Anya said suddenly without breaking eye contact. She watched his face turn redder than ever before and his eyes widen in shock before continuing, ''Do you love me?''
She could see him considering saying no, because as much as he had moved forward, he was still afraid. But when Anya tilted her head a little, genuine and affectionate smile took over his face. The joy radiating from him was immeasurable and everlasting. Anya thought she had never seen anything so beautiful. Damian’s smile was sunshine and the moon, childish and full of wonder. It reached his eyes and made them sparkle with emotion. World stopped and silenced and only he existed. Still smiling, Damian leaned forward to press their foreheads together and wrapped his strong but slender arms around Anya’s shoulders.
''I do, I love you,'' he whispered with tears in his eyes and grinning from ear to ear.