Archive of Our Own

 Yeonjun knows he is staring. Knows it has probably been going on too long and that someone (Read: Taehyun) was going to call him out on it. But how was he really expected not to with Soobin..doing… that .

To most people-- people lacking taste, clearly-- their leader wasn’t really doing anything. They were discussing the upcoming week’s schedule. All Soobin was doing was talking about set practice hours, individual schedules, photo shoots, etc etc. Which would be fine, unnotable even, except Soobin tends to talk with his hands. A lot. Things like counting off different tasks on one long finger after the other. Clapping both big hands together softly when making a point, loud when he's laughing. He gestures to emphasize different items or topics and Yeonjun is mesmerized. 

To say Yeonjun understands why there was such a thing as “Dolphin Cult” would be an understatement. 

And! In his defense, their last V-Live Soobin made a point to mention his thick fingers. 

Yeonjun is dying. He can’t believe he still has a whole day of things to do, not getting home until late, plus a very,very busy week coming up. What time would they have for personal use that wouldn’t be spent just sleeping? This . This is just cruelty. He chews on the inside of his lip in an effort to distract himself from the display in front of him. Get a grip , Choi Yeonjun. You are a grown adult and a professional. You’re not a teenager. Get it together. He shakes his head hard, blinks harder, forces himself to refocus. He can do this. He can keep it together. 

Ugh.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

He cannot do this.

It does not get better or easier.

If anything it gets worse. 

It’s like once the idea is in his head, once he has the reminder of those goddamn hands- wide palms, long thick fingers- he can't stop. Every gesture Soobin makes sends a little shiver down his spine. Running his fingers through his hair, wrapping around his water bottle, even texting on his fucking phone. It’s stupid. Wildly stupid. Pathetic even. 

Shifting from foot to foot as they stand around the practice room, a momentary break while Huening Kai and Soobin go on a coffee run,Yeonjun presses his hands against his cheeks and feels the warmth radiating off his flushed skin. God, he hopes  it looks like it’s from the dancing and not from the steady, embarrassing arousal that has been simmering in the pit of his stomach since that morning. He had to get his shit together. Had to just put things from his mind. Had to stop thinking about those delicate, strong, dextrous fingers and how they--

“I don’t think I have ever seen a person more obvious in their thirst.” Beomgyu interrupts his train of thought. His eyes snap over to the younger man and he has to swallow just to try and fucking chill . Get his expression under control.

“What? I...What are you talking about?” Beomgyu and Taehyun share a look and both start laughing. 

“Oh, C’mon, Hyung. You can’t think we’re that stupid. Right?” 

“Seriously. The only way anyone hasn’t noticed is if they can’t see you or aren’t even in this country...possibly not even on this planet.” Taehyun adds, eyebrows cocking, lips quirked up in a smile. Yeonjun’s face heats up even more, swallowing thick, trying to think of anything as a rebuttable. But the dry looks he is getting show him it’s not going to matter. Instead, he groans, eyes squeezing shut as he covers his face and turns away, starting to pace.

.

“I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me!” He whines. “I can’t get my head to stop it’s fucking lizard brain behavior!” 

“I know what’s wrong.” Beomgyu says with a shrug. Yeonjun barely uncovers his eyes to look at him.

“You’re a high key ho who is exceptionally horny for your boyfriend on the reg- even when he’s being a giant dweeb.”

“I will actually slap you.”

“What?!”

“He’s not wrong, hyung. And you asked.” Yeonjun’s face has to be on fire with how it heats up even more, red, red fucking hot, as Beomgyu gapes on in exaggerated offense and Taehyun gives him a read down. 

Ugh. He hates when they’re right.

Whining, Yeonjun lets himself melt to the floor in despair. Being an idol was better than great and literally a dream come true, but at this moment in time he couldn’t help but lament the inability for a regular relationship. One where freetime wasn’t bookended by schedules so packed days and weeks blended together in a water color portrait of satisfaction and exhaustion.

“Everything sucks!” He huffs, allowing petty immaturity to momentarily take hold. He hears footsteps behind him but refuses to look up, eyes shut. Pouting.

“You know, hyung,” It’s Taehyun crouching behind him, using that tone that resembles trying to rationalize with a child. “We’re all adults. We’ve known for quite a while what sex is. Even-”

“Don’t say it.”

“ Even Heuning Kai.” Yeonjun groans, regretting yet again this whole fucking day.

“Everything sucks !” He repeats, kicking his legs out. Taehyung huffs in clear fond annoyance, patting Yeonjun on the head. It should be condescending, but he appreciates the comfort too much.

“All I’m saying is that because we’re all adults who don’t need their hyungs to act like they are actual children, you can let us know you need the dorm for a bit. A few hours even. We don’t mind, all you have to do is ask.”

“Even tonight...if you know.. You wanted to deal with this glaringly obvious yearning.”

“Yearning, is it?” Yeonjun lifts his head just enough to glare at Beomgyu who is rocking back and forth on his heels, scrolling through his phone. “What happened to high key thirsting ho?” The younger man shrugs, not even bothering to look up.

“Was trying to save you the embarrassment but good for you for embracing your not so inner thot.” Yeonjun opens his mouth to quip back, but Soobin and Heuning Kai choose that moment to reenter the practice room and he would sooner quit being an idol than continue this conversation in their presence. Instead, he rolls himself to his knees and considers what Taehyun and Beomgyu have said. It would be kind of nice to have the dorm to themselves. It’s not like they’ve never had sex with the other members at home, but it was always quick, staticy with rushed nervous energy. Forcing silence between them besides their hushed desperation. Being able to be a little more open, unworried, vocal about being physical with his boyfriend would be… well it would be amazing. But as he pushes onto his feet he knows it’s not an option. Whether or not the kids were there, Yeonjun knows Soobin would just want to sleep, get the extra quiet time while he could. And who could blame him with their crazy packed schedules-- and his included music bank! They could all use more sleep.

(In his most insecure of places, Yeonjun thinks he’s always wanted Soobin more than the younger man wants him. That sometimes, his neediness was an annoyance.Soobin rarely initiated anything physical between them, even casual friendly on screen touching. It made it hard, sometimes, to believe Soobin wouldn’t one day grow tired of his desperation. No matter how many times he told himself otherwise)

With a heavy, long suffering sigh, Yeonjun drags himself across the room to where Soobin is handing out coffee. The oldest member accepts his fate begrudgingly-- looks like their situational celibacy would have to continue. At least until things settled down.

Soobin shoots him a blinding smile as he approaches, reaching out to hand over his coffee, long fingers wrapped around, big hand making the stupid cup look smaller, condensation sliding down his fingers making his Yeonjun’s mouth dry. Making him want to--

Makes him want to bash his fucking head into the mirror. 

Fuck . He says to himself as he turns away. How was he even going to make it these next few weeks? Soobin may unintentionally kill him at this rate. It was truly shaping up to be the longest, worst day of his life. All over his stupid boyfriend and his pretty, dumb hands.

By the end of the night, Yeonjun feels way too keyed up. He’d been fluctuating between half hard and mostly soft for hours . Like far, far less satisfying edging or some shit. With no end in sight. It was a constant state of simmering arousal. It was awful. Nearly unbearable.He needed time to chill the fuck out before trying any kind of sleep.

As everyone starts packing up, Yeonjun hovers behind.

“I think I'm going to stay a bit longer… I have a few things I want to keep working on.” Soobin’s eyebrows pull together in confused concern, a small frown on his lips.

“Are you sure? You’ve worked really hard today already. You shouldn’t push yourself too much…” It’s not a completely unrealistic concern. Yeonjun does have a history of pushing himself past the point of exhaustion. Soobin’s legitimate, heartfelt worry makes the butterflies Yeonjun’s had in his stomach since the very first time he saw Soobin flutter all over, makes him feel warm. The older man smiles, reaches out and squeezes Soobin’s fingers gently.

“I’m not pushing too much. Promise. I won’t stay too late. I know we have a lot of very busy days coming up.” Yeonjun wants to reassure him, so he takes every single ounce of his will power and absolutely does not think about the size of Soobin’s fingers in his palm.

Mostly.

Kind of.

Okay, he tries.

God, why did Soobin have to be so big everywhere?

Soobin gives him a hesitant nod, choosing to trust him, and Yeonjun is grateful. He really does appreciate the attention but he;s needy as fuck and right now is not the time. To keep himself from actually screaming in horny frustration, Yeonjun has been putting the absolute very most into his dancing. He’s been forcing himself into a state of hyper focus, zeroing in on any aspects of the choreo that was even slightly off and absolutely not watching Soobin at all. Even so much as a glance in the other man’s direction, at not only what Beomgyu has deemed his “fancy hands”, but also at his flexing thighs and parted lips and exertion flushed cheeks and…

Even now, with the other members hovering around, he feels that heat in his stomach. Even now, post dancing, Soobin standing around in his joggers that have seen better days and a tshirt Yeonjun swears he has had for at least five years, he feels so...so worked up he has a legitimate fear that he could possibly just...cum with one wrong-- or right-- look.

Yeonjun moves to start on a few warm ups for himself and his own dancing. He has a new playlist he wants to try freestyling to and… that could be a good distraction. Soobin hangs around, swaying and regarding his hyung.

“You’re sure you don’t want to come back with us? We’ve had a long, long couple weeks and they’re not getting any easier in the next few.” He’s moved over to cup Yeonjun’s hip in his hands and oooh, god . It’s so good and so not. He bites back the urge to actual whine in desperation and instead places his hands gently against Soobin’s neck, thumbs running along his jaw.

“I’m sure, baby.” Cheap card. Yeonjun knows how the nickname makes Soobin flush. It does the same to him when it’s Soobin whispering the term against his ear. (Okay.. it may be the same reaction for very different reasons but whatever.)

“I promise. I’m not going to stay too late or push too much. Just a couple of hours tops. Plenty of time for Netflix cuddles before bed.” Unless Soobin was already passed out by then. Oh, well. Yeonjun would still get his cuddles in.

Soobin looks like he’s about to say something but before he can, Huening Kai’s voice shouts into the room.

“If you two are done with your romantic, longing good-byes we’d like to leave now, please! You’ll see each other later-- no need to act as if this is the last time before heading into some kind of battle!” Yeonjun rolls his eyes as he hears Taehyun and Beomgyu begin to dramatically belt Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On”. God, they were the worst dongsaengs. God he loved them. Just to spite them, Yeonjun tilts his head up to press a quick kiss to Soobin’s lips before giving him a light pat on the butt.

“Better get going. Someone is going to complain if they have to keep listening to that.” A distant annoyed ‘ Hey!’ sounds from the hall but Yeonjun is too distracted by Soobin’s fond, toothy smile- bright and dimpled and How the fuck did I get so lucky? The younger man pulls slowly away, turns away even slower and walks out of the room, ushering the children with him.

Once alone, Yeonjun buries his face in his hands and lets out a muffled scream. Pressing his finger tips hard against his eyes he wonders, not for the first time, what he could have possibly done in his life to deserve this. Both good and bad because Soobin was so, so , good but he wanted him so, so bad and sometimes it was just all the time. A desperate little thing inside him craving marathon sex like ‘34+35’. And that was just an itch that would probably never be scratched. Not like they have a lot of free time, being idols and all. Why the universe gifted him the most beautiful, sweet, soft, gorgeous, huge boyfriend with no opportunity to let said boyfriend thouroughly and completely destroy him seemed terribly cruel. Torturous, even. Though, he would live a completely celebit life if it meant still having Soobin like this. Like anyway. Just so long as he was by his side. 

Okay , He says to himself, dragging his fingers through his hair with a little huff and shaking himself out of his lamenting. I stayed for a reason. To stop being like this, not make it worse. With sharp movements, ignoring himself getting hard again , Yeonjun goes and turns on his playlist. He is dead set on working and pushing himself to just the edge of exhausted; too tired to keep thinking with his dick. 

Yeonjun is halfway through the second song when the door to the practice room opens and Soobin saunters in, locking the door behind him. Yeonjun pauses to watch his boyfriend through the mirror as he walks towards him. 

“Hey, I thought you left. Is something wrong?” It wasn’t strange for one of the members to forget something and have to come back, but it was strange for Soobin to come in and lock the door behind him. A person doesn’t… do that if they’re leaving soon after… right? As Soobin walks towards him, Yeonjun can’t help but take note of his body language and expression. As a giant, lanky, introvert, Soobin has always had a tendency to either be completely unaware or hyper aware of his body and movements. No in between. Except when he was dancing. In dancing, He was confident, assured, sharp. 

…Okay, he was all of those things while fucking, too. 

If Soobin put his mind to it, he became every inch the animal those ‘wolf eyes’ made him look. Yeonjun loves every side of Soobin- sweet, kind, pouty, loud, shy, teasing, even bratty– but this side always made him feel so…just….

Yeonjun swallos thickly, his mouth watering even as he tries to force himself to think like an adult human and not the horny moster he’s been all day. But it’s really difficult to do when Soobin meets his eyes in the mirror and twists his lips in that little smirk of his. 

“Soobin…?”

“Hyung.” The taller man responds, stopping right behind him. Yeonjun doesn’t know what to say in return, can only blink at his boyfriend’s reflection in question. Soobin’s smirk widens as he raises an eyebrow. 

“You know… you really haven’t been able to keep your thoughts to yourself today. They’re all over your face.” He takes another step closer and wraps hs arms tight around the older man’s waist, chin resting on his shoulder. Yeonjun can’t help but lean into the embrace, eyebrows twitching together. 

“What do you mean?” But he can feel his ears turn red, can see it in his reflection. Soobin raises an eyebrow at him in clear amusement and huffs a sigh like he’s humoring him. His hands start to run up and down Yeonjun’s sides, fingers splayed, palms warm. It sends shivers along the older man’s spine. Soobin’s hands just… know him. 

“You’ve been staring at me all day, hyung. Distracted by me, even. and you’ve always got the same look in your eyes when you’re feeling… desperate.” Being called desperate is a little degrading but Yeonjun can be honest with himself. He is feeling desperate. And has been for a while. And he wants Soobin to notice. To feel it a little, too. Yeonjun likes to play it cool, but at the end of the day Soobin knows him so goddamn well he can never hide anything. Instead, he lets out a shakey little sigh that is dangerously close to a whine and leans his head back against Soobin’s shoulder. 

“I can’t help it.” His lips pout slighty. “It’s been so long and I miss feeling you and you’re the one who brought up your thick fingers and–” He doesn’t get to finish, Soobin’s hand moving from his waist to his ass, giving it a tight squeeze and causing a stuttered, surprise gasp to leave Yeonjun’s lips. 

“So it’s my fault?” The taller man is grinning teasingly, eyebrow cocked. It’s… infuriating to say the least. The switch Soobin can flip. Going from soft and cute and shy into this…monster. And Yeonjun would would be a little embarrassed at how much it affects him except he’s starting to think Beomgyu wasn’t that far off by calling him “thirsty”. Because he swears he feels his mouth start to water at the possesive grip his byfriend has on him. It’s just another annoying reminder of Soobin’s stupid hands, his palm all but covering one cheek in full. He gives another tight sqqueeze, not letting go right away and Yeonjun stubbornly swallows a moan. He keeps his head tilted back, dropped against the taller man’s shoulder, but flicks his eyes to the mirror to look at how they fit together. Almost immediately, his gaze locks onto Soobn’s and the look in his eyes– darker, heedier, lusting – that prompts his answer. 

“Yes. Yes it is.” Yeonjun’s voice is breathy, quiet. He knows if he speaks any louder, he’s going to whine or moan or both and Soobin already knows how much he needs him. No point feeding his ego more than he already is. “It is your fault. Take responsibiity.” Yeonjun feels more than hears Soobin’s huff of amusement as the arm still wrapped around him pulls him a little roughly back against his own chest. And okay, he can definitely feel Soobn getting a litte hard. Jesus Christ. The desperation he’s felt all day, the mounting need Soobn already called him out on, flares from the constant background simmer into a fire hot and wild enough to consume him. 

“I guess taking responsibility for what a mess you’ve been today is the right thing to do, hm?” Soobin takes a few steps forward, moving Yeonjun with him untl he has the older man pressed close to the mirror. Yeonjun brings his hands up to bracae himself and this time there’s no way he can keep the desperate, shuddering gasp behind his teeth. With their bodies pressed flush like this, no space between them, Yeonjun can feel every deep breath from Soobin’s lungs. Can feel not only the warm puff of air against his throat as Soobin nuzzles against his skin, but how it fills, expands empties his chest. It’s a lot. Too much. Not enough. 

“Soobin…” His voice is quiet, whispered against the younger man’s hair. Yeonjun starts to move his hands away from the mirror, wants to curl his fingers into his shirt, his hair, anything. But before he can, Soobin’s big hands are curling around his and holding them against the mirror's surface. 

“Not-uh, hyung. I told you I’d take care of you. My responsibility…right?”

fuck.

This wasnt fucking fair. Soobin Swooping in like this at the end of the night after Yeonjun has been feeling some kind of way since the beginning of today’s schedule. Yeonjun lets his forehead thunk against the mirror, huffing with something that sits somewhere between frustration and arousal (and honestly? When it comes to Soobin, sometimes they’re exactly the same thing).  Soobin’s hand slides from Yeonjun’s wrists down his arms, his fingers wrapping around them almost completely and although Soobin is keeping his touch feather light, Yeonjun can feel every hair on his body stand at attention with a shiver. The taller man nuzzles behind his ear, full lips so light against his skin the action is less of a kiss and more simply resting there. Bastard. He knows how sensitive Yeonjun is there. Yeonjun wants to tilt his head more, expose more, but there’s no where to go. He’s trapped between the mirror and Soobin. Soobin who somehow feels so much bigger than before.

“Hyung… you’re usually sensitive but today you’re something else…” His voice is nearly a hum, awed in tone if but a little patronizing. Yeonjun’s lips part, panting against the mirror, foggy breaths distoriting any sort of reflection. 

Not that it really matters. 

Yeonjun can’t open his eyes. 

Soobin’s touch moves from his arms and his hands are back on his hips, giving them a tight squeeze. At the same time, he drags his tongue from the top of the older man’s spine to just behind his ear, teeth pulling sharply on the lobe. A full body shudder rocks through Yeonjun and he legitimately thinks he could cry. 

“What’s got you so worked up, hm? What made Choi Yeonjun lose his cool and become such a desperate mess?” 

“Soobinnie… C’mon…” Soobin is moving too slow and feels too far away. And he’s just been wanting him so bad and for what feels like an eternity. He just needs more and he wants Soobin to just do. Didn’t he say he’d take responsibility? Soobin hums thoughtfully as one hand moves up along his chest. His palm is so big. If he tried, if he stretched out his hand wide enough, he could brush against each of Yeonjun’s nipples simultaneously. And while he’s not particularly sensitive there,  it’s the reality and reminder of Soobin’s size that always gets him. 

“You mentioned my fingers earlier, is that what youu’ve been thinkking about so much today? My hands? My fingers?” 

“Y-yes….” He’s beyond hesitating now. He just wants . That’s it. “Yes, all day. Can’t help it even when I try…” Yeonjun is rewarded with a series of soft kisses along the length of his neck. 

“Will you tell me what you were thinking about, hyung?” Soobin’s right hand is petting along his waist- up and down - bunching Yeonjun’s shirt up under his palm.  His left has remained stationary against his chest as if supporting him. Yeonjun can’t parce out if he’s grateful or not, not sure if he can hold his own weight even with the mirror beneath his palms, his forearms. 

“About… ah… about your fingers. H-how they feel…uhm… how they feel inside. I-I…I can’t..” He swallows around his tongue when that large hand slips up under his shirt, fingers pressing over ribs, moving back to trace his spine. “--Soobin… I can’t… reach on my own. Mine aren’t… they’re not long enough or… they’re not like yours.” 

“No like mine.” Soobin repeats, fingers twitching against his chest. “So that’s what you want then? Have you been touching yourself? Trying? Thinking of me?” 

“Yes… Yes! O-of course I did. I-I…I missed you. But we’re… we’ve been so busy.” There’s a feeling just out of reach underneath the boiling arousal. It’s a feeling that if he spends too much time thining about makes his chest ache and his eyes go wet and his throat dry and his tongue like sand. Maybe it’s something lie love. Maybe it’s something more. It’s just there . Close by and especially strong when he acknowledges hos much he really has missed Soobin. It’s a complicated mixed up thing to feel side by side the lust that’s rushing through him. It all makes him feel warm, syrupy. Soobin’s hand moves lower from his side, fingertips slipping past the waist of Yeonjun’s sweatpants. It’s all teasing touches, light and barely there but they are there . Soobin’s hands under his clothing. Iin the practice room. Yeonjun wanting too much to care. He just wants to feel Soobin close, closer . 

“I missed you, too, baby.” And it’s there-that pet name rolling off his tongue and under his skin. The younger man’s nails scrape lightly down Yeonjun’s chest– down, down, down, moving off sin to squeeze gently around his cock. Yeonjun’s knees actually shae, his body quivers. It’s juat a hand on his dick over two layers of clothing but it feels like so much more. 

“I’m going to make it up to you, okay? I’m going to give you what you want. You earned it.” There’s no hesitancy in his movements as both hands slip beneath waistbands and he tugs the older man’s pants and underwear down in tandem to rest just below his ass. One big hand curves over one cheek, giving it a light slap followed by a hard squeeze and startling a stuttered moan from between parted lips. Yeonjun’s eyelids flutter and he thumps his forehead against the mirror. It’s a small, subtle reminder that they’re in the practice room. They’re at the company. Yeonjun has his ass out; needy and panting and barely standing.  He should feel embarrassed or nervous or concerned or something . But it’s a flickering thought under the feeling of Soobin’s fingers spreading his cheeks apart just enough to brush against puckered skin. His finger is too dry and Yeonjun is definitely too tight for Soobin to actually do much, but that doesn’t stop the curl of anticipation, the shock of warmth and want   at even the idea of that finger inside him.

“Soobin.” He whines, voice thin and needy. “Soobin, please. I-I need…” Another kiss to the back of his neck, Soobin’s left hand sliding along his chest, nails catching on his shirt.

“Hush, love. I know. I told you I’d take care of you, didn’t I?” Yeonjun nods against the mirror, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. His eyes startle open when he feels fingers tugging his lip free, thumb following. The older man catches his own reflection– flushed cheek, hazy eyes, all shining under the foggy glass. Soobin is still massaging lightly over his entrance, not actually pushing into him but pressing against him in measured steady pulses, reminding his body what he’s been missing. The fingers at Yeonjun’s lips seem to do their own exploring, rubbing softly along his parted gasp, fingertips over gums, under lips, against the edges of his teeth. And Yeonjun can’t help but to part his lips and catch wandering fingers with his tongue, grateful when Soobin indulges him. He lets the older man run his tongue along long fingers- first one, then two– and all the while Yeonjun tries to take more. Wants those fingers deeper, harder. Anywhere on him. His lips close around the prodding touch and he sucks as if those long digits were a cock and the thought makes his desperation even heavier. 

The younger man pulls his hand away from Yeonjun’s ass, causing him to nearly shout if not for Soobin taking the opportunity to add a third finger to Yeonjun’s mouth, thrusting all three in nearly deep enough to choke him. And god, it’s so much and he loves it. He moans and god it’s so much and he loves it. He sucks harder, bobbing his head to try and take those fingers deeper. Soobin told him to keep his hands on the mirror and he will, but that doesn’t mean he’s keeping his participation stationary. There’s been a build up all day, his thoughts overrun by this man who can unravel him with such simple touches and Yeonjun is ready to fall apart. 

Just as he’s reaching a point of crazed desperation, Soobin’s hand returns to part his cheeks again. There’s a brush of a  finger tip against him before he feels the startling cold sensation of lube dripping down his crack and fuckfuckfuck that mean’s he’s actually going to feel Soobin inside him.  He digs his teeth just barely into the fingers between them as finally, fucking  finally the younger man pushes his thick middle finger past the tight ring of muscle. Yeonjun is tight,  especially after so long without this touch, so long without this time to be together.  The groan he releases is a little breathless, feels  almost like it was completely pushed out of his chest.

“Jesus Christ, hyung. It really has been a while. Almost feels  like the first time.” Soobin whispers against Yeonjun’s hairline, presses a light kiss against his skin,  pushes his fingers so deep between the older man’s lips Yeonjun feels his gag reflex trying  to act up.

The first time.

Their first time. 

Yeonjun commadering the closet from  Beomgyu for the night, claiming needing space and quiet.  Soobin sneaking in after everyone else was asleep. Their shaking hands touching tentatively  as they exchanged hesitant kisses turned heated the longer they touched. Soobin trying too hard to be careful after all his research. Yeonjun trying to be confident since he’d already tried fingering himself. But someone else touching him was different. They used way too much lube and ruined one of Yeonjun’s blankets and it took forever for the older boy to actually relax enough for Soobin to really move. It was exploritory, figuring out what they both liked. Figuring out how to fit together. Soobin barely brushed his prostate a handful of times, but still gave Yeonjun a fucking mind numbing orgasm, his face burried in pillows, sucking the fabric between his teeth to keep quiet. Fumbling, gentle, so passionate. A memory tucked close in Yeonjun’s heart. At the mention of it, he starts to get that warm feeling in his chest again. Not having anything to do with how fucking deep Soobin can reach.

At this point, they know each other. Know each others bodies, the way they click together. The ways they feel good. And Soobin is using every goddamn ounce of that knowledge to pull exactly the reactions he wants. Yeonjun feels a finger tip rub at his entrance, not pushing, just pressed against warmed skin until the body beneath it relaxes. Gives. His second finger pressing into him is so fucking good. Almost better than the first  and Yeonjun has to close his lips around the fingers in his mouth and suck hard to keep himself from being too loud. He wishes he didn’t have to. Wishes they were somewhere he could let  Soobin  know exactly how good he feels. What it's really like to feel him so deep inside. They haven’t been able to have that before, not really, and it suddenly feeels like the single most important thing in the world that he one day gets to voice how perfect Soobin really is. Especially for him. 

“S-soobin…” Yeonjun’s voice is barely a gasp, words slurred, tongue heavy and held down. Soobin’s fingers inside him are slow but they go deep and they know him and each thrust is hard and relentless. 

“Soo-s-s-Soobinnie…” He tries again, but his throat feels dry and he can’t decide if the fingers in his mouth are satisfying or suffocating. As if reading his mind (Soobin has always had an inexplicable ability for that), the fingers pull out of his, a small string of saliva breaking off against Yeonjun's lips, leaving him panting against the mirror. Soobin shushes him gently and  pulls  his fingers out and away from his entrance, leaving him mourning the full feeling. Yeonjun would protest (vehemently) but he can feel more lube being added to his hole, dripping between his cheeks, and Soobin is pressing a third finger into him. They expertly  rub at his prostate and Yeonjun has to burry his face against the crook of his elbow because goddamn he had missed this.  He can never hit his own prostate quite right when he fingers himself, but Soobin  almost always hits it just right.

“Is this what you’ve been thinking about all day? Is this what’s been distracting you?” His fingers spread apart inside him  and Yeonjun’s not sure but he thinks he can feel his brain leaking from his ears it’s so good. 

“Uh-huh..” He answers mindlessly, hips beginning to press back into the thrusting fingers,  somewhere between lazy and desperately. Soobin’s free hand comes up to grip his chin, tilting his head back against his shoulder, his thumb lightly caressing  the older man’s jaw. He’s not squeezing, not choking him, just… holding . And Yeonjun wants.  

“Open your eyes, Yeonjun. Look at how pretty you are.” Yeonjun forces himself  to do as he’s told, heavy eyes blinking open, eyes looking down his down at the mirror. He’s greated by his own wrecked reflection– eyes glassy, forehead a little sweaty from being so worked over, a flush on his cheeks, spreading down his neck. He almost feels embarrassed and a part of him shudders as if that is how he feels, but as his eyes roam over the image, they catch Soobin looking back at him.  His beautiful eyes, so reminiscent of a hungry wolf, are hooded and intense. They’re shining, bright with lust and… and… something unidentifiable. It shudders through Yeonjun’s whole body, knees quivering. 

“Pretty…” He repeats, unable to form much more of a sentence. Soobin’s breath huffs against his hair and he makes a small, pleased sound before tilting Yeonjun’s head towards himself and pressing their lips together in what starts as a lazy, almost innocent kiss. It’s then Yeonjun realizes this is the first kiss they’ve shared and he is suddently starving for more. He presses into it more insistently, desperate to give and take and take and just as Soobin parts his lips to allow Yeonjun the opportunity to slide his tongue along his teeth, a fourth finger is pushd inside him and his breath is stumbling and–

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Soobin sucks on his tongue and Yeonjun loses control of his own body for a moment. Almost as if he is floating outside of it, detatched but oh so lost in the sensations of his body. He wants to give Soobin more, but he can’t think or do anything with the overwhelming feeling of how thick and deep Soobin’s fingers feel. It’s a famiiar stretch– Soobin is big – but it’s been a while and he has been dreaming of this all day and–

His voice cracks on a moan, full bodied and mind numbing, collapsing him back agaianst Soobin even more. Soobin’s hips are rutting against his thigh at a steady pace nearly in time with his thrusting fingers. 

“O-Oh god… god, Soobin …” Their lips are barely apart, air warm and humid between them. The man in question sucks Yeonjun’s lip between his teeth, biting down just enough to pull a strained gasp of pain. But it’s good. It’s so fucking good. 

“You keep calling my name, noona . Are you trying to ask for something?” Soobin’s voice is low , husky, almost breathless himself. A comforting reminder that they’re in this together, this isn’t just Yeonjun getting completely wrecked. 

Not to mention, noona is a low blow– it’s on of the easiest buttons to press to make Yeonjun melt in either overflowing affection and appreciation or scalding, all encompassing arousal and Soobin knows it. 

“Wa….Want… God, Soobin…. I- I want…” The taller man’s fingers are dragging along his prostate with practiced ease, pressing just a little harder each time he passes over it. 

“Fuck…fuck… fuckfuckfuck– Soobin, please please will you fuck me? P-please?” Yeonjun arches his neck to press his lips against Soobin wherever he can reach. He wants to be kissed again but he’s starting to get overwhelmed by this feeling between them and he’s having a hard time keeping his thoughts straight, keeping words in his head. Soobin’s hand tightens just barely around Yeonjun’s jaw as the younger man lets out a strained, groaning ‘Jesus’ before he’s crushing their lips together in a kiss that is much, much too short. But for however brief it may be, it’s wet and it’s heated and the older man wishes he could keep up with it, moaning soft and near constant and trying to follow as Soobin pulls away. 

“I wish we could. God , Yeonjun, you don’t know how badly I wish I could say yes to you. Especially when you ask me so pretty and nice to fuck you.” Yeonjun whines in displeasure and Soobin kisses him stupid once more. He honestly can’t tell how much he’s even participating in the kiss as much as Soobin is guiding his movements with his own. “You know we can’t. Not here. But I promise to make you feel good, okay? I can’t give you my cock like this, but don’t I still know how to make you feel good, noona?  How to make you cum?” 

“ Shit ! Yesyes yes ! So… so fucking good. You’re s-so good.” His breath is hitching as he tries to force out the words, little hiccuping sounds interrupting him in uneven staccatos. Soobin’s hand leaves his jaw and slides down his chest, over his ribs, his navel his hips, fingers pressing hard and deep against all the places that make his toes curl. Before the movement is even fully registering beyond the all over hum of pleasure, Soobin is wrapping around his hard, weeping cock and god, do his knees shake, thighs straining and it’s so much and he’s so fucking close already. He hadn’t even realized how close he was to orgasm and now he is right there, right on the edge. His moans hitch in pitch and Soobin is letting a slow, measured breath out from between his teeth. 

“You’re close, aren’t you? You know how I know?” Probably from every muscle in Yeonjun’s body shivering, shaking, shuddering as he balances on the knife’s edge of pleasure. So much, so overwhelming, his eyes are hazy with it. Soobin’s hands are moving in perfectly opposite rhythms– benefit of a dancer boyfriend, he guesses– making the zigging heat through his body a constant stream of sensation. His hand strokes and squeezes just right, fingers thrusting harder and faster and it’s not quite as good as when he actually fucks him but–

Yeonjun’s eyes shoot wide open, fingers clenching against the mirror as he feels Soobin’s thumb rub against his rim, the tiniest bit of pressure behind it. 

“I know your body, hyung. I know exactly what you need.” His thumb settles against his opening as his fingers continue to move and then– between one sharp moan and the next– he can feel the tip of his thumb barely breeching inside him. Yeonjun slams a fist against the mirror, teeth clenched around a low, guttural moan and his orgasm is hitting him like a goddamn train, a hurricane wave, an avalanche. Every nerve in his body seems to quiver, leaving him a shuddering, sweaty mess, kept standing on jelly legs by Soobin and the will of god alone. 

“God… I wish you could have watched yourself cum.” Soobin groans against his skin, his erection obvious as his hips remain pressed against the other man. Yeonjun takes another moment to mourn not getting actually fucked by this glorious cock, but rather than spending too much time lamenting his loss, he drops a hand from the mirror and shoves it, without hesitation, behind him and into Soobin’s pants to wrap loose around his cock through his underwear. The taller man stutters out a surprised gasp, wrapping an arm around Yeonjun’s hip tight to steady himself. 

“H-holy shit… holy fuck, Yeonjun.” Yeonjun’s tongue, though he still seems to be struggling gaining complete control, drags slowly over his own smirking lips. As much as he loves falling apart at Soobin’s hand, he loves to have the younger splitting at the seams for him, too. 

“Soobin..Soobinnie… baby …” He delights in the younger man’s low groan at the nickname. “Can I suck you off? Please? I’ve been good, haven’t I?” He pouts his lips just the right amount, red and spit slick, before turning to press his back against the mirror, hand never leaving Soobin. He’s not doing much more besides holding the heavy weight in a loose fist but when he looks up at Soobin, the younger man’s eyes are blown wide, veiled in pleasure and flushed down his neck. He leans forward to rest his forearms against the mirror, caging Yeonjun in, making him feel a little small but oh so powerful . Soobin is looking down on him with such lust, such want, such reverence , if he wasn’t already fucking wrecked and exhausted he might actually be up for another round. Instead he tilts his head back more, juts out his chin, and pouts in an even more exaggerated way. He squeezes his fist around Soobin’s cock and basks in the way his eyes flutter shut and those full lips part on an exhaled moan. 

“Do you want me to? I’lll get down on my knees for you.” He lowers his voice, almost whispered into the humid air between them. Before he’s even finished with his sentence, Soobin is nodding fast and hard, hands leaving he mirror to wrap grip his waist tight before sliding up along his torso. 

“Yes. Yes I want that.” It’s all he needs to hear and Yeonjun is tugging his pants up just about the same time that he’s sinking to his knees with absolutely no thought to how the hardwood floor feels under him– or how it will feel later. 

Yeonjun’s not sure if, before trail blazers like Missy Eliott, Salt n Pepper, and – more recently– Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion, and Lil Nas X, anyone had ever really written flowing, flowery words in honor of a big dick. He’s sure they did, he’s sure Taehyun– or honestly, Beomgyu– would have a lot to say about subtext in classic literature, especially in the flavor of homoerotic. He would probably even be given a few examples. Regardless of how many people had waxed poetic about a big dick, he is absolutely positive none of them could come close to expressing how fucking glorious Soobin’s cock was. If it was ever mentioned to him directly outside of sex, Soobin always blushed bright red and splotchy, loose all ability to speak, and walk tense and weird the rest of the day as if that was going to somehow make everything about him smaller. Yeonjun had told him before– he really just needed to own that Big Dick Energy. Choi Soobin is a tall, gorgeous heart throb with four fucking dimples , a smile that is unrealistically pretty, long legs, and a big dick. What’s not to love? 

Soobin did not feel that way. It was actually pretty devastating. For the rest of the day, he was hyper aware of everything they dressed him in and everything he wore at home. It made him hunch in on himself, trying to hide away from anyones eyes. Yeonjun hadn’t brought it up again. The risk was too great. 

During physical intimacy though, along with that switch from Sweet Bunny Leader into Big Bad Wolf, Soobin minded far, far less the reverence Yeonjun felt and voiced about how large… well… all of him was (maybe Yeonjun was a size queen but whatever if anyone had watched Soobin dance they would understand why this was such a gift). And with that knowledge, Yeonjun does nothing to try and hold back the lewd, grateful sound he makes as he pulls Soobin’s pants down just enough to reveal his hard cock. He’s not even sure he used to care that much about size, but he knows for a goddamn fact Soobin has definitely ruined him for anyone else. 

(Soobin has ruined him in a lot of ways. Yeonjun truly can’t imagine a person who could be even a quarter of the man Choi Soobin is. As unrealistic as it may seem, Yeonjun only ever thought of the two of them as ‘forever’ because to even consider the idea that he won’t have this man by his side, to have him like this, to have him in all the ways he does, is nearly unbearable. Completely gut wrenching. Soul breaking. So he doesn’t. Because who could compare?)

Yeonjun looks up at the man above him, locking eyes with him as he leans forward to drag his tongue over the head of his erection, collecting precum with a little breathy sigh. The taller man inhales sharply, digging his teeth hard into his bottom lip as he watches. Yeonjun keeps his hand loose at the base, tongue circling the tip, pressing against the frenulum every time he passes it over. He can tell Soobin is already pretty close, knows his body the same way the younger man knows his, can see the signs of his orgasm right as they begin. He holds eye contact, the intimacy something they both really love. Yeonjun wants to put on a show, wants to see each thread of Soobin’s controlled persona unravel. He’s still flushed and a little sweaty from his own intense orgasm, may have even been a little breathless if not for the extensive stamina training, which makes the performance that much sweeter. He’s still hazy, still relaxed muscles and syrupy movements. He can practically feel the ghost of Soobin’s fingers still inside him and as he wraps his lips around his cock and slides down to take more into his mouth, he imagines having it inside of him in a much different way, maybe (impossibly) both ways, and barely holds back from closing his eyes at the thought. Soobin presses a palm against the mirror and rests the other on the crown of Yeonjun’s head as he sinks down his length. He’s obviously holding his hips still, stomping out the urge to thrust into the warm wetness surrounding him. He released a long, low moan as Yeonjun pulls off, sucking hard, and wets his own lips with the slow slide of his tongue. 

“You’re really wet.” He slurs from between puffy lips, hand beginning to slide up and down around the other man, fist tightening with the movement. Soobin swallows thickly. 

“Y-yeah?”

“Yeah… like, really.” As if to prove his point, Yeonjun gives his dick a little squeeze near the tip and watches gleefully as the stimulation causes enough precum it begins to spill down the sides steadily. Soobin makes a sound like he’s been punched in the chest and Yeonjun doesn’t hesitate as he wraps his lips around him again, an over exaggerated sound of pleasure rumbling in his throat as he sucks hard, collecting the taste on his tongue like parisian cream. He slides back off his length, tongue pressing up with intention,  lips parting to show Soobin just how good he looks in his mouth. He pulls off again, smacking his lips together, sucks the bottom one between his teeth with a hum. He starts stroking the impressive length, mouth pressed against the tip in a little kiss, thumb pressing against the underside just to see Soobin’s thighs shake. “Guess I wasn’t the only one feeling desperate.” 

Yeonjun does not wait for a comeback, doesn’t let Soobin get a single syllable out before he’s sinking down on his dick again, taking him as far as he can without completely fucking up his throat (a truly dissappointing limit to have to put down but they were recording a new album and had comeback shows and he may absolutely love the stretch of his boyfriends dick, but he wasn’t an idiot). He gets a higher pitched, whining moan and that’s exactly what he wanted as he puts an end to the teasing and begins to really go at his (truly enjoyable) task with gusto, letting his eyes finally slide shut and lose himself in th pleasure of pleasuring. 

He is completely right in his prediction that Soobin is close, that getting Yeonjun off had obviously been nearly as satisfying for him (what a perfect service top). He turns his eyes back up to Soobin’s face and is more than pleased by the sight before him. Soobin’s eyes screwed shut, a dark flush high on his cheeks, full lips parted and huffing hot, groaning gasps against the smooth surface of the mirror. It’s so similar to where and how Yeonjun was when the roles were reversed. It makes a little warmth curl in his stomach, makes him feel like he’s won some kind of prize. 

(He has. In many ways. Soobin isn’t just a prize but goddamn does it feel like he’s the prize some days).

“I’d ask you if you’re about to cum but I don’t need to….” He grins, hand speeding up and tightening to stroke him closer and closer to the edge, the little pull between Soobin’s eyebrows a prime indicator of just how close. “I know your body, Soobin-ah. I know exactly what you need.” He repeats Soobin’s earlier words back at him with a perfect pouty smirk before taking Soobin back into his mouth, lips still parted, heavy cock resting against his tongue as he keeps stroking, keeps eyes locked on that beautiful face and perfect expression. He wants him to see just how good his cock looks in his mouth, just how satisfied he'll been when his tongue is coated in cum. Soobin shudders, full bodied,and opens his eyes to look down at Yeonjun, gaze holding strong with some kind of deep, warm emotion reflecting back at him that Yeonjun wouldn’t be able to name but goddamn does he know what it feels like. It pulls a little whine from his throat, thumbnail pressing just so right under the cockhead and Soobin is coming with his lips pressed tight together, a sound rumbling in his chest and his hips kicking just the smallest bit forward. It’s not enough to hurt Yeonjun’s throat but a nice ghost of sensation for something more . He wraps his lips around the pulsing length and sucks hard . Soobin can’t bite back the sound of pleasure he makes at the action, a continued stream of small sounds pouring from between his teeth as Yeonjun strokes him through his orgasm and just to the edge of overstimulation. The older man is almost dissappointd when Soobin is threading his hands through Yeonjun’s hair and giving the strands a light pull to get him off. 

The older man sits back on his heels, swallowing the mouthful of cum with a pleased sound that could almost be described as a purr. Soobin sinks down to the floor beside him, pulling his pants up as he does. He leans forward, cups Yeonjun’s face in both his big hands, and presses a gentle, sweet, deep kiss of a different kind of intimacy against his lips. 

They’ve never said “I love you” outloud in that romantic sense, seperate from the way they talk to the other members. Yeonjun thinks they’re both still a little afraid of the fragility that their industry, their careers, bring to what they have. A combination of hope and faith in each other and fear that the other shoe will drop and shatter this special space they’ve carved out for each other. It’s almost like if they don’t say it outloud, no one can take it away. And, if Yeonjun’s being honest, he’s not even sure they need to say it. As much as he worries sometimes that he wants Soobin more than Soobin wants him, he has never and can never doubt the younger man’s love for him. He hopes Soobin feels the same. That he never doubts the endless well of love and adoration Yeonjun has for him.

Soobin pulls back from the kiss, hands still cradling Yeonjun’s face, foreheads pressed together as he lets out a little shaky sigh. 

“God….I missed you so much.” It’s whispered and intimate and there’s a relief and a desperation and a feeling of good Yeonjun feel so deep in his gut he’s surprised to find himself trying not to cry. Maybe it’s the combination of the intense, long awaited orgasm and the feeling of this man he loves holding him like he’s precious. Knowing that this longing he has been feeling wasn’t just him. Soobin felt it, too.  “I really did, noona. I know I was teasing you but… jesus christ has it been hard to keep my hands off you. Especially with how they’ve been styling you this comeback. Do you have any idea how sexy you look?” Yeonjun giggles, basking in the compliments. He did know. But it felt so incredible to hear it, especially from the red, swollen lips before him. Yeonjun can’t help but lean forward to press into another kiss, arms wrapping around Soobin’s neck to pull him just the smallest bit closer. 

They kiss like that, deep and thorough and soft and languid, for an unmeasured amount of time before Yeonjun realizes his foot is asleep and he feels a little gross now that he’s cooled off some. Thank god he didn’t come in his pants, fuck. That would have felt even worse. He pouts into the kiss, pulling back reluctantly, leaning forward again and again for soft little pecks to Soobin’s lips like he can't fully pull away (he can't). The younger man’s face spreads into a fond smile as his hands slide down to the older man’s shoulders, to his forearms to push him back a little. 

“My knees hurt.” Yeonjun pouts, feeling the need to be a little babied. Soobin hums, tucking his hair back from his forehead and kissing the tacky skin there before pushing himself to stand and pulling Yeonjun with him. Yeonjun makes an overdramatic whining protest that make Soobin giggle softly resulting in the gooey, stupid, warm feeling to bloom brighter in the older man’s chest. 

“Are you feeling a little better?” Soobin asks, keeping their hands laced together, keeping their eye contact. Yeonjun nods a little, fighting back the desire to start all over again. 

“Yes. A lot better. I think I can actually be a mostly functional human now.” He narrows his eyes in mock irritation. “I would be a completely functioning human but someone wouldn’t fuck me so…” The taller man rolls his eyes, still smiling, giving Yeonjun’s hand a little tug. 

“If I had, you’d be complaining all day tomorrow about how sore you are, don’t even pretend, you baby.” Yeonjun sways into his space as they walk over to grab his things. 

“But I’m your baby, right?” He sing songs, pressing their shoulders together for a brief moment. Soobin pauses at the door, looking down at him with that look again and Yeonjun has only ever felt so singularly important and seen and loved when he is with his mom. The younger man presses a final, brief kiss to his lips before humming in agreement. 

“Yes. My baby.”

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

In retrospect, they maybe should have had a little more consideration to just exactly where they fooled around and maybe tried to clean up a bit more. And Yeonjun is pretty sure he would have if his brain hadn’t been scrambled, fried, and served up on a delicate, warm, little platter due to a back breaking orgasm he’d been dying for, and the completely justified want-- no, no, need-- to have Soobin's cock in his mouth. However, none of that mattered when the five of them entered the studio the next day, bumping into each other as Beomgyu, leading the pack of them, stops dead in his steps. He turns slowly to look at them, an expression of horror and disbelief taking over his features. 

“Seriously? What the hell is wrong with you?! We said we knew you were having– and needed to have– sex but I don’t know why you felt the need to leave evidence!” His voice is way louder than a conversation like this should ever be and Yeonjun wants to scold him until his eyes follow the direction the long haired man is waving his arms in. 

In retrospect, maybe they should have cleaned Yeonjun’s cum off the mirror. 

He tries to fight back a blush, fights against the urge to walk out of the room, out of the building, out of the country to hide from his embarrassment. Instead, he swallows down the flight response and instead leans right into fight. Yeonjun just gives a nonchalant shrug. Soobin is embarrassed– mortified– enough for the both of them. 

“Be grateful I took care of the rest of it.” He leans menacingly towards Beomgyu who actually does tilt away a little and runs his tongue very pointedly over his lips. “Soobin cums a lot .” 

The man in question makes a squeaking sound of humiliated horror just as Beomgyu turns away and screams, rambling a combined stream of curses and possible curses. Yeonjun saunters into the practice room, patting Soobin (who was still standing frozen just inside) lightly on the butt as he goes. Huening Kai comes up beside him and wraps his arms around Yeonjun’s waist in a typical display of his lazy, morning touches. 

“I’m really happy for you. Both of you. You obviously needed some alone time.” His hand rubs little circles over his beelly and Yeonjun smiles, mouth opening to say some kind of thanks in return before the younger man interrupts. “But if you don’t clean the mirror off as soon as physically possible I will make it my personal mission to cockblock the fuck out of you for an undetermined amount of time.” Giving Yeonjun’s cheek a little pinch, he nearly skips into the room after Taehyun.

In retrospect, Yeonjun should have known. It was never Beomgyu you had to be especially worried about, curses or not. It is always the intense authenticity of one Kai Kamal Huening you needed to look out for. He knows the maknae was not teasing with an empty threat. As he dashes across the room to grab some of the cleaning wipes from a drawer, the same thought just keeps circling. 

I love them so much. I love him so much.