Chapter Text
So, dying.
Okay, Apollo understands it, that’s a point everyone gets to in life, it’s a thing that happens, no big deal.
Humanity has only two things in common: birth and death.
Thing is. He can deal with the dying part. What he can’t deal with is HOW he died. Because being crushed by a helicopter of all things is not the way to go .
Murdered by a thug, okay, maybe he’d even take the pissed off witness or vengeful prosecutor. Being shot by accident by the murder weapon as the police try to show how the victim might have commited suicide. Fine, all of that is still in line with his work.
He would have taken dying by choking on his dinner. Food poisoning, poison in general. Anything .
But no.
A helicopter. He dies, because a helicopter falls on him.
Well, at least that will get him on the unusual deaths wikipedia page.
Now if only Apollo didn’t die right after finishing that horrible book. That would be cool.
Or get transmigrated into that very same fucking book. That would be even better.
That requires a bit of an explanation.
Let’s rewind.
The Rise Of The Righteous Cultivator is a romance harem novel of questionable quality that Apollos colleague and friend bullied him into reading because apparently, Susato likes to torture people in secret and in very creative ways.
It’s xianxia fantasy, flying swords, long hair, drama all around, all that jazz. So far so good.
It is also a murder mystery starring a man who is a prosecutor, a famous musician AND a successful cultivator. Overkill much? Klavier Gavin is supposed to be a young master who has it all, good looks, status, a future and a family that loves him. He works together with his brother, who is an attorney from another clan, they solve cases together, catch the bad guys, Kristoph even helps Klavier through the three simultaneous romance plot lines!
Apollo hates it.
“Susato, you don’t understand. The plot is actually good, the murder mystery is fun to solve alongside the characters, the portrayal of the courtroom is solid, I even liked the banter! But!” Apollo slams down his hand on the table, his coffee mug shakes with the force and sighs, “The writing is mediocre at best. It’s not as horrible as the other trash you made me read, but it’s not good. The main character is a good guy but I trust his brother about as far as I can throw him. He makes a few comments I just don’t like and if I was in that book, I would think twice about following him into a dark alley.”
Lunch is the only time they really get to talk these days, what with Susato being Ryunosukes judicial assistant and Apollo working himself to death solving civil disputes. It’s barely enough time to get their paperwork in order, nevermind actually eat and talk for a bit, but they make do. Apollo would cherish this time with his friend more if it didn’t end up in a discussion about Susato’s latest torture device she calls a book again .
“But Kristoph never really does anything wrong though?” Her fingers drum a small rhythm onto her own mug and she shuffles the papers on the table into a neater pile that what Apollo tried just seconds ago, “He loves his brother, why would he wish him harm?”
“I never said that he wants to kill Klavier, I said that he is suspicious and I would look into him. Something about the way he always seems to know details he should not know yet is weird. It could be bad storytelling, but? The murder cases themselves are well thought out, so I don’t buy it. But the author never does anything with it? Did they just drop that whole plotline for yet another love interest or what? Or was it because the fandom made Kristoph hot and they didn’t have the heart to make him the bad guy after all? They just dropped it! The foreshadowing would have been good!” Apollo throws his hands back up, groans, slumps back into himself, “I was just hoping that they would make one good choice. One. It would have made the whole book. But no. Harem comes first.”
Susato snorts and coughs to hide her laugh, “You can’t blame him, when it’s a choice between cultivator genius Trucy, the cultivating judge Juniper and scientific investigator Ema. All three of them…”
“Were a complete waste as romantic interests. Susato. Ema was written as a woman married to her job. She had no time for a man like Klavier. She hated him on sight, her sudden change of mind was jarring at best and completely misplaced at worst. Trucy and Klavier were fun as friends but as romantic partners? She lost all of her personality within a chapter and I hate it. Trucy was one of my favourite characters.”
“When you weren’t simping for Klavier.”
“Shut up, that is not the topic. Because Juniper. Ooooh, Juniper. They talked, what? Two? Three times? The romantic subplot for her hit me like a train and not in the fun way.”
“There is a fun way to be hit by a train?” There is amusement in Susato's face and this time, she is not hiding it. Her grin gets even wider when Apollo ignores her completely and starts ranting full force.
“No, seriously, the last time Juniper sees him before her plotline begins is when Klavier accuses her father of murder . She has absolutely no reason to like him! None at all! But the next time they talk, she is blushing and fawning over him and the whole thing came completely out of left field! Why? When did her opinion of him change? What did I miss?” As he keeps harping on, Apollo starts tugging his hair into place. It’s still messy from the trial earlier, where he kept carding his hands through or dodging the wine glasses thrown his way. As much as he respects Barok van Zieks, ever since he found out that he and Susato like the same books, that respect took a deep dive off a cliff.
He respects Prosecutor Payne now. And no one else. And even that is a stretch.
“Who knows?” Susato sips at her coffee with an enigmatic smile and, for just a second, Apollo considers throttling her. Just a little. “Or you are just jealous.”
“I say one positive thing about Klaviers looks in fanart and you decide that I have a big, gay crush on him.”
“You don’t?”
He glares at her, “No.”
“Strange, even Kazuma agreed with me that Klavier is exactly your type.”
Apollo's head whips around. His back cracks dangerously.
He blinks.
Blinks again, pinches his arm, just to make sure that this is not a nightmare, “You made Asougi read this? He actually read this?”
Susato’s smile turns mischievous, then downright evil, “Of course he did. The two of you can bond over romantic subplots you don’t agree on.”
“Which one did he hate?”
“Phoenix Wright and Iris Hawthorne.”
Apollo shudders, “Oh, thanks for reminding me. That was another mess I like to ignore.”
“In favour of the gay?”
“In favour of Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth having the sort of unresolved sexual tension you can see form SPACE.” Apollo kicks at Susato when she starts laughing, just bursts out into giggles that grow into breathless gasps, “Stop laughing! I am serious!”
It takes her a few minutes to calm down and she is still wheezing by the time their break ends and Apollo decides to flee the conversation.
He doesn’t think about the book or his rants for the next few hours as the trials bleed into each other.
And then a helicopter drops on his head.
Again, not the way to go.
And then he wakes up in The Rise Of The Righteous Cultivator .
Well.
Fuck.