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“Seriously, Aleksi. Come on.”
Aleksi turned to look at Joonas. “What?”
“I’ve been watching you watch him for the last ten minutes. And weeks, whenever he’s had a show at the same place as us. Just fess up already and ask him out, would you? I cannot watch you pine for another ten weeks!”
Aleksi started to shift on his feet, staring at the ground but not otherwise reacting to what Joonas had said.
Joonas sighed. “Okay. Clearly there’s something bothering you. Look, we have to get ready for the show now, but do you want to come over to my place tonight to talk? Maybe there’s something I can do to help?”
“… I’d like that.” Not that he looked like it. He looked like he’d rather do anything but talk to Joonas about whatever it was that was bothering him.
“So. What exactly is bothering you?” Joonas handed Aleksi a cup of tea and sat down next to him on the sofa. “You make heart eyes at him, he makes heart eyes at you, you’re constantly flirting for everyone to see, so… What’s the problem? Why not just tell him you have a crush on him?”
Aleksi blushed and looked at Joonas indignantly. “Flirting? Who says we’re flirting? And what do you mean, a crush?”
“What the hell do you mean ‘who says we’re flirting’?! If I see you two make heart eyes at each other or send a million heart emojis as reactions to something or another either of you said one more time, I’m going to start vomiting rainbows! And the crush? Love, honey, dearest Aleksi of mine, you’ve had crushes before, right, how are you surprised by this one?”
“Uh…” Aleksi looked at Joonas with a sheepish look on his face. “I haven’t, actually.” – “What?” – “Had a crush on someone before. At least I don’t think I have. I don’t know. How would I know!”
Joonas paused for a moment, taking in this new information.
“Interesting. Really? Not sure I’ve heard that before.”
“Because I’m 24?” Aleksi’s deadpan stare really said it all, “call me a late bloomer and I will bite you”.
“No! Yes? I mean, maybe. Yeah, okay, that’s part of it, too, but also. You just seem so… confident? You’re so forward and open with your affection, I’d have thought you’ve at least been on a few dates before. Wait, does that mean you’ve never dated anyone before either? Never kissed anyone, too? Oh, you’re in for a treat once you’ll get there, it’s a lot of fun, you’ll love that!”
“Joonas!”
“Right, right, sorry, getting off track. No, but regardless. You like him, obviously and for anyone with eyes to see. What’s the hold-up?”
“Fine! Let’s say, just hypothetically for a minute, if I did have a crush on Robin… what would I do next, then? Because hypothetically, I’d be irritated and intrigued by how I’m suddenly constantly thinking about him.”
“Well… Have you considered just talking to him about that?”
“What the FUCK, Joonas!” Aleksi looked like he’d just gotten hit over the head with his own laptop.
Joonas wasn’t impressed though and just gave him a deadpan stare. “Care to elaborate on that?”
“Tell him?? Just hand me a spade and let me bury myself, why don’t you! Also! We’re both constantly touring and even if we’re at home, we live hours away from each other, and he seems to be constantly busy anyway, and mostly, oh yeah, I have no idea how he feels!”
“… You have no idea how the guy who constantly makes heart eyes at you and calls you cute feels?”
“He does that to everyone though!”
Joonas sighed and sat a little closer to Aleksi and put his hand on his thigh.
“Look, I get it. Really, I do. Having a crush on someone, liking someone, especially for the first time – it’s exciting! But it can also be nerve-wrecking and a little overwhelming and leave you a bit clueless about how to act about it, or if you should even do anything at all in case they don’t feel the same way. But this is Robin we’re talking about. Everyone and their grandma and their cow can see the constant smiles and low-key or outright flirting – yes, even if you yourself aren’t sure if it’s flirting or will be recognized as such, don’t try me,” Joonas interrupted Aleksi who had opened his mouth to protest. “But when it comes down to it, the only way to move ahead in this case is to just… Tell him, throw it out there for him to see and hope he’ll be kind about it. Which a good friend will be, even if they don’t feel the same, and well, we are talking about Robin, the human form of a labrador, so… what exactly are you so scared of?”
“I don’t want to hurt him!” Aleksi burst out, clearly frustrated with himself, with Joonas, with the universe for making him have a crush on someone half out of reach.
Joonas furled his eyebrows. “What do you mean? Why would you hurt him?”
“I just-” Aleksi leaned back in his chair, rubbed at his eyes and let out a sigh. “I get excited about new things or people so fast and intense, and I never know if my current new interest is here to stay or will fade just as quickly as it came again, or at least fade out a bit eventually. And I… I’m scared the novelty will wear off and these feelings will fade and I don’t want to- I cannot hurt him like that. He doesn’t deserve that. He’s always so excited to hear about everyone’s days or nights and pets and jobs, and he’s always willing to listen to people who need to vent or need advice, and he’s- Joonas, he’s just far too good for this world and he deserves all the best it has to offer him and he very much does not deserve for me to tell him I like him only for my brain to decide a few weeks or months later that actually, the novelty’s worn off and we’re bored now and feeling the feelings fading away and- God, Joonas, how could I ever do that to him? How could I ever even think of hurting him like that just cause my brain’s a little messed up?”
“Hey now,” Joonas muttered, not liking where this conversation was going. Taking Aleksi’s hand, he paused for a moment and then continued to softly speak. “Those are all very valid fears. Really, they are. Between the physical distance and how much is going on in both of your lives right now, it makes sense that you’re feeling nervous or even anxious about… all of it. But… you also said you’re not sure about how he feels about you. And how could you if he hasn’t told you. But, Aleksi… Neither have you.”
“Hm?” – “You haven’t said anything to him either, right?” – “No! What! How would I even do that, and what if-“
“He doesn’t feel the same? We’ve been over this, Aleksi – you can’t know for sure unless you talk to him first and see what he says, like it or not. That being said… If you don’t tell him, well… Then you’re not even giving him the chance to react to that.”
“What… What do you mean?” Aleksi mumbled.
“You know what I mean,” Joonas answered softly. “You don’t know how he feels, but he doesn’t know how you feel exactly, either, and again, I know, I know, how nerve-wracking that can be, especially if you’ve never liked someone like that before and don’t have anything to compare it to for reference, but… What else are you going to do? Just… just talk to him a bit. It doesn’t have to be a love confession or anything-“
“I’m not in love with Robin!” Aleksi spluttered.
“-but what’s the other option? Not saying anything and maybe regretting it somewhere down the line and wondering what would have happened? Please, for your own sake and that of my sanity and of just about everyone else around you-“
“Hey!”
“-talk to him and give him the chance to tell you he feels the same, or that he’s not sure either but at least now you’re both in the loop and can see where this will go, or that he doesn’t feel the same way so you can start to get over it – not that I think he’d say that, because, again, heart eyes.”
Aleksi was quiet for a while, leaning against Joonas, resting his head on his shoulder and playing with his fingers. Finally, he let out a quiet sigh.
“What if he does?”
“Hm?”
“What if he does say he doesn’t feel like that and then I’ve went and made it awkward?” Aleksi was still mumbling and holding onto Joonas, clearly still stressed and insecure about the whole ordeal.
“Then that will suck, and you’ll feel bad about if for a while and wish you just hadn’t said anything and curse the universe or whatever it is you want to yell at. But you’ll also have us and your family and Rilla to support you-“
“You think I’d tell my family about this?? Unless we’d actually be dating for real and for good??”
“-you’ll also have us and Rilla to support you with unfunny jokes and emergency cuddles. Just… one more thing. Again, it’s perfectly fine for you to be worried, but you are kind of focusing on only the bad possible outcomes, so tell me this: If you went ahead and talked to Robin – what’s the best thing that could happen?”
Aleksi paused for a moment and started smiling to himself.