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"Mama, Papa, Bond, I'm home!"
For the first time in a while, Loid was home when Anya arrived from school. It was the only day this week he hadn't been forced to dodge a bullet in a deadly mission, and he was looking forward to a night of serenity. Of course, with Anya, it was always a gamble on whether that would happen.
"Hi, dear!" Yor called from where she was dusting the sofas, carefully stepping over Bond snoozing in the middle of the carpet. "Did you have a good day at school?"
Loid paused amid chopping vegetables and did his nightly prayer that she hadn't earned another Tonitrus Bolt through assault, violating academic integrity or forgetting a minor aspect of her school uniform.
"Yeah!" He closed his eyes in relief, but they cracked open again as Anya sang, "Papa, Papa, look what I've got!"
In his adventures as a new father, Loid had learned that this statement warranted a certain amount of fear. From Anya, it could mean a very flammable object or a caterpillar she had scooped into a jar to 'rescue'. Drying his hands and stepping away from his cooking, he turned to his daughter, who ran into the kitchen holding...
"A camera?" Loid said. Anya beamed, waving the camcorder around with an amount of vigour that suggested it wouldn't survive long. "Who got you that?"
"Becky!" Anya chirped. She handed it to Loid to examine. "It was a gift!"
"Wow, that looks expensive!" Yor said, popping her head into the kitchen to get a glimpse. "Why did she get you a gift, Anya?"
"I got her out of trouble with a teacher, so she wanted to pay me back!" Anya winced as Loid's eyes narrowed. "What, Papa? It wasn't me who was in trouble!"
Loid sniffed. "Somehow, I don't believe you. But as long as you didn't get a Tonitrus Bolt..."
He turned over the camera in his hands, squinting. It certainly looked like the kind of thing the Blackbells could afford- he just couldn't imagine what Anya would want to do with it.
"What would you do with this, Anya?" he asked. "It's not the kind of thing you can play with."
"No, but Becky says you can make movies with them," Anya said. She stood on her tiptoes to examine the camera with Loid, grinning at her reflection in the little black screen. "She said I could record anything. Like you and Mama and Bond!"
"You want to record us...?" Loid frowned. "Why?"
"I think it's a lovely idea!" Yor said, clapping. "I have lots of pictures of Yuri from when he was little, it's always so funny to go back and see what he used to look like. Cameras are great for capturing memories!"
Capturing memories? Of what? Us?
He glanced around the kitchen at his little family. Him with his apron and half-cut vegetables, Anya in her untidy school uniform and Yor with her feather duster and Bond's hair all over her jumper. The sight of them wouldn't make for a particularly glamorous or exciting viewing experience.
But it could be an asset. Naturally, I'd prefer to avoid having footage of myself, but I suppose if there's no classified intel in the recordings, it could provide useful material for Operation Strix. If our home life is ever called into question, 'cutesy' family videos would be good for alleviating suspicion...
"Yay, you like the idea!" Anya said in delight. "I'm going to start recording now!"
Loid frowned. "Hang on, I haven't said anything yet."
"Aw, come on, Loid," Yor said with a beam. "It's a cute idea."
"Well... Okay." Loid shrugged. "Just make sure you don't break the camera. It looks like Becky- or her parents- spent a lot of money on it."
Anya cheered, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I want to start now! How do I turn it on, Papa?"
Loid wondered what on Earth she thought would be worth recording now, but he shrugged and showed Anya the camera.
"Well... You press this red button, and..." The device began whirring, and he pointed it at her. "There, it's on. You're on camera, Anya."
Anya pressed her eye against the lens, gaping. "Can you see me? Can you see me?"
"Well, now I can only see your eye. Stand back a bit," Loid said, and Anya obliged, leaping back across the kitchen tiles. "There, now I see you."
"Yeah! Hi!" Anya did a little dance. "Show Mama!"
She pointed at Yor, so Loid directed the camera at her. "Say hi, Mama!"
"Hi, Anya's camera!" Yor said. She did a little bow, smiling radiantly.
Anya reached out for the recorder. A little reluctantly, Loid handed it over to her. Then the lens was on him. "Papa, Papa, look here!"
"Hello," Loid said flatly. He felt the tips of his ears burning, so he whipped back round to his vegetables, picking up a carrot. It was diced within seconds. "Careful how you hold that camera, Anya."
"Okay, Papa," Anya said, showing off the newly sliced carrot to the camera, before whirling towards the door. "Is Bond still asleep? Bond, wake up! Come say hi to the camera!"
She bounded out of the kitchen towards Bond, whose eye cracked open questioningly. He merely yawned as Anya recorded him, blinking benignly.
"She loves it," Yor said fondly. "I have a feeling we won't get a moment's peace over the next few weeks."
Still feeling the heat in his cheeks, Loid began shaving stalks off of a cauliflower. "She'll be trying to recreate her spy cartoon soon enough. But as long as she keeps studying well, I won't complain."
"Somehow I think the opposite will happen..." Yor giggled. "But it's fine as long as she's having fun, right?"
Loid sighed. Fun was truly a factor he had not prepared well enough for when it came to Operation Strix- but Agent Twilight always knew how to adapt.
***
Over the next month or two, Anya brought out the camera often. Sometimes she brandished it in understandable moments, like when Bond was at full energy and wanted to play, but others were incomprehensibly mundane. Loid learned not to question it. A child's imagination was one of the few things he couldn't get to grips with, but he let it run free. He even agreed to take the camera from her when she wanted someone to record her exploits- which often involved recreations of Bondman highlights with Agent Penguinman.
He didn't expect anything to come of it but a silly hobby. He knew she hadn't entered his room without permission and that he kept anything that would be incriminating on camera well out of reach, so he didn't worry about it at all. His blush under the lens faded quickly.
In fact, Loid barely even thought about the camera, merely accepting it as something that popped up in the background- until a certain evening in spring came along.
An evening that ensured he would never forget about it.
***
Loid had stolen the blueprints for a new assault weapon and barely escaped a grenade to the face, but he was more preoccupied with something else. Namely, Yor's birthday celebration.
He wouldn't have even thought about Yor's birthday if it hadn't been for Anya randomly asking her about it- a week before the day in question. Sometimes that girl's prescience frightened him. Fortunately, he had ample time to put something together and invite Franky and Yuri Briar over; Yor's brother would have probably had him executed by a firing squad if he hadn't offered him an invitation to his sister's party. But he still felt underprepared. Throwing a good birthday bash wasn't one of Agent Twilight's notorious skills. But what he had managed- a festive transformation of the apartment, with the help of Anya's decorations- would have to do.
"L- Loid, you shouldn't have!" Yor gasped, when she came home to the paper-chain explosion. Anya had rinsed much of Loid's budget with her demands from the arts and crafts store. "It looks so beautiful!"
Her eyes were actually shimmering.
"It was nothing," Loid said with a faint smile. "Anya did most of it."
"Yeah, don't thank Papa for all my hard work!" Anya said, putting her hands on her hips. She blithely ignored Loid's narrowed eyes. "Happy birthday, Mama! I did you drawings, too!"
"Oh, Anya, thank you so much too!" Yor gushed. She peered over at the colourful scribbles (on sketch paper that cost far too many dalcs). "Look at those- how lovely! Is that... um... what is that, exactly?"
She pointed at a swirl of colours in the centre.
"It's Bondman killing a pumpkin monster," Anya explained, with all the seriousness of an art history scholar. "He's using his hands to crush it, like when those guys-"
"O- Oh! I see it!" Yor said hurriedly. Loid raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, Anya, my eyesight's getting worse as I get older... But that's gorgeous! Oh, and is that a cow being gutted by a garrot wire?"
"... it's a skipping rope. The cow's skipping."
"Oh..."
A garrot wire? Bondman isn't that violent, Loid thought. He decided to step in. "I also made you a cake, Yor. I hope you like it."
"I helped!" Anya sung.
"Well-" All Anya did was lick the cake batter off the spoon despite Loid expressly forbidding her to, but for the sake of birthday harmony, he decided not to say it. He sighed. "Yes. Yes, Anya helped. Do you want to see it?"
He led Yor to the kitchen, where he had protected the cake with a plastic cover to prevent Bond from getting to it. The canine looked upon the dessert glumly, though he perked up at the sight of Yor, who scratched him behind the ears. "Here's the cake."
It had been more complicated to make than the cakes he had tried in the past, what with the delicately frosted flowers, but it was adequate. Upon seeing it, Yor gasped as though he had produced a diamond out of thin air. "I- It's so... so..."
Anya grinned.
"Y- Y- You both went to that much effort for me?" Yor eventually stammered out.
"Of course," Loid said with a smile. "You're our family. You deserve it."
Tears swam in Yor's eyes. "You two..."
"You shouldn't cry on your birthday, Mama," Anya told her earnestly. Bond lightly butted her knee with his head, and Loid lingered in the background, unsure what to do with himself.
"Oh, they're not sad tears," Yor said with a giggle that sounded more like a sniffle. "I'm just so happy..."
At that moment the doorbell rang, startling all three of them.
Oh, God, it must be her brother, Loid thought. If he thinks we made her cry on her birthday...
Yor must have had the same thought, because she immediately began wiping her eyes.
Fortunately, it wasn't Yuri at the door- it was Franky. Loid did not return his grin, but stepped back to let him in with a half-relieved sigh.
"Good to see you too," Franky snorted, kicking off his shoes in the doorway. "Where's Mrs Forger? I got her some wine as a birthday gift..."
"I specifically told you not to get wine," Loid grumbled. "If she gets drunk tonight, her brother will be-"
"Scruffy man!" Anya cut him off, sprinting into view to greet her honorary uncle. "Did you get what I asked for?"
"I did indeed, little lady," Franky said, reaching into his coat and quirking a conspiratorial eyebrow. "I got it done yesterday night. It's all ready for you."
Loid didn't even have time to anxiously question what Franky meant, because someone else had appeared down the apartment hallway at that moment- well, more accurately, a human-sized bouquet and a giant bag of gifts had appeared. It didn't require a spy's intellect to deduce who was behind them.
"Yuri," Loid said, hoisting on a smile and shooting Franky a warning look. "It's very nice to see you-"
"YOOOOOR!" The younger Briar treated Loid rather like one would treat a speck of dust as he burst into the apartment. "YOR, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'M SO SORRY I WASN'T HERE FROM THE MOMENT THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY BEGAN!"
"Y- Yuri! Oh, my, is that your gift?"
Pressing a hand to his eyes, Loid closed the door to the apartment and braced himself. It was going to be a long night.
***
Aside from some standard Briar tipsy histrionics ("FORGER STARTED SINGING THE HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG BEFORE ME? HOW DARE HE! HE'S DISRUPTING THE TRIED AND TRUE BRIAR FAMILY TRADITIONS THAT YOR LOVES!"), having to distract Bond from the cake and Anya throwing a minor tantrum over the size of her slice, the night had gone well.
When it was time to give gifts, however, Loid started to worry. He hadn't forgotten about Anya and Franky's exchange from earlier, but not even copious amounts of wine could draw out an explanation from Franky. Anya was similarly tight-lipped, only giving Loid a smile when he asked- a smile that filled him with anxiety.
He could tell Anya recognised that. But her smile only grew bigger in the face of his stress.
A small blessing, at least, was that there was no drama as Loid and Yuri gave Yor her gifts. Yuri had almost blown a drunken fuse when Loid handed Yor his present (a new dress, considering she had complained about only having one nice formal outfit)- but had been quickly distracted when she turned to his ones. As she opened the bag, Loid quickly counted its contents- Yuri had gotten her twenty-eight gifts.
"Shuch- shuch amazing presents... these... I've never sheen anything sho beautiful..." Yor had laser-focused on a set of cooking knives her brother had gifted her (why Yuri would ever give her something that encouraged her to cook, Loid couldn't fathom). She was running her finger across the blades, flushed from the wine and her admiration. "So... gorgeous..."
"I knew you'd love it- they spoke to my soul in the shop! I paid three hundred dalcs for them!" Yuri exclaimed, equally as red-faced. "But move on to the other gifts! There are sixteen left!"
While they waited for Yor to get through them, Loid had time to turn to Anya and raise his eyebrows at her. But she only flashed her teeth at him in a grin, letting her legs swing against the sofa without a care in the world.
Seasoned criminals didn't give him heart palpitations the way she did...
Finally, after Yor had examined the twenty-eighth present and tearfully thanked Yuri for it, Anya jumped to her feet in front of them all.
"My turn!" she cheered. "I got a gift for you too, Mama! Scruffy man helped me out!"
"I did indeed!" Franky winked at Loid, who glared at him. He got up, heading towards his coat. "I think you'll love it."
"Anya got me a gift too?" Yor pressed her hands against her cheeks. "I'm gonna shtart crying... Thank you sho very much..."
Remarkably, despite having had about forty-five minutes dedicated to him alone, Yuri gave a jealous scowl. Full of excitement, Anya ran towards Franky, who reached into his coat and pulled out... a disc.
This caught Loid entirely off guard. "What's this?"
"It's a movie!" Anya proclaimed. She took the disc from Franky, flashing it at all of them. "A movie starring me, Mama, Papa and Bond!"
Yor clapped a hand over her mouth, though she evidently wasn't sure what was going on. On the other hand, comprehension dawned on Loid. "From the camera?"
"Mmhmm! I asked Franky to put all the videos I recorded together." Anya beamed. "It's a whole movie now. Mama gets a cinema experience at home!"
"... I see."
"Your daddy's the villain of the story," Franky snorted. Anya giggled, unperturbed by Loid's unimpressed gaze. "Shall I put it in?"
Whilst enthusiastically clapping in affirmation, Yor accidentally smacked Yuri in the jaw. Loid leaned back against the sofa, his brow furrowing in concentration.
He had become so used to the camera that he didn't even remember what Anya had recorded. Curiosity sparked inside him, and he could tell it had in Yuri, too- despite his overt drunkenness, the State Security officer was clearly interested in video evidence of what happened in the Forger household...
"I bet it's an amateur production," he heard Yuri mutter, clearly not realising he was talking aloud. Nobody but Loid heard it, because he was the only one sober enough to listen. "But I'll be able to find dirt on Forger..."
"I- It's all fun stuff!" Anya said, once Franky had popped in the disc. Loid blinked at her, but was distracted when she jumped into his lap. "Bond, come and watch!"
Bond came padding into view, settling down by Loid and Yor's feet. Exchanging a look with Franky, Loid shifted so Anya was more secure on his lap and turned his gaze to the screen.
"I'm so excited to see what you've made," Yor said, reaching out to ruffle Anya's hair. "I can't wait to see how you take down Loid the villain..."
"Please don't encourage them, Yor," Loid sighed, as the other three (including Yuri this time) smirked.
The video whirred into motion. Anya was on the screen, rocking on the balls of her feet and staring at the camera. Current Anya laughed, elbowing Loid in excitement, and Bond perked his head up in bemusement.
"There, it's on. You're on camera, Anya." Loid's voice. For some reason, he felt a tinge of embarrassment- it was strange listening to himself. Was his voice really that deep?
"Can you see me? Can you see me?"
"Well, now I can only see your eye. Stand back a bit... There. now I see you."
"Yeah! Hi! Show Mama! Say hi, Mama!"
Both Yor and Yuri made noises of excitement as the former appeared. "Hi, Anya's camera! "
"Papa, Papa, look here! "
The perspective changed, and there was Loid. In the video and in real life, he went scarlet. "... Hello. Careful how you hold that camera, Anya."
"So cute!" Yor gasped, which didn't help Loid feel any less bashful, and didn't help endear him to Yuri.
The movie had only just begun, and it was already so strange. Nobody who knew Agent Twilight would have ever expected a sight like this- him dicing a carrot and blushing as his daughter recorded him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Franky smirking at him- God, that man was enjoying himself too much.
Bond raised his head and barked in confusion as he appeared on screen, with Anya happily narrating his post-nap daze. He got up off the floor, glancing at the others on the sofa for help.
"There's two of you, Bond!" Anya said, pointing at the TV. "The other you lives inside there!"
"Don't confuse him, Anya," Loid said. He couldn't help but smile, however, at the contrast between the peacefully blinking Bond in the videos and the harried one in front of them.
"Don't worry!" Yor interjected. "You're the only Bond we care about!"
Before Bond's existential crisis could get worse, the clip switched. Loid idly wondered how long it had taken for Franky to get this done.
The camera was pointed at Yor in the kitchen, holding a knife with a look of utmost determination on her face.
"Mama wants to cook tonight!" Anya's voice chimed. There was a mournful bark from Bond in the background. "Papa can't save us, he's at work!"
"N- No!" Yor swung the knife around surprisingly smoothly, almost as though she was fighting a battle. "Keep recording, Anya, you'll see that my dish ends up great! I've been working hard to improve!"
Current Yor covered her face with her hands, shaking her head. "No, no, I remember this!"
"Did you make a meal that knocked them off their feet?" Yuri asked admiringly.
It was a poor choice of words, because the moment the clip switched, Loid remembered exactly when these videos had been taken.
"Mama made dinner tonight, Papa!" Anya was shouting to Loid, who cleared his throat at the camera, trying to appear businesslike. "She wanted me to record your reaction to it!"
"I've tweaked the recipe so it can't possibly give you food poisoning!" Yor said. "Come and try it out, Loid!"
"You really want to record me as I eat?" Loid rubbed the back of his neck. Yor nodded vigorously. "Well... Okay..."
There was yet another switch, this time to Loid. He was sitting in front of the stew, staring down at its contents like a prisoner would stare at the gallows. Anya had made sure to record both of them, Yor was watching him anxiously- and sure enough, Loid felt a phantom pain in his stomach as he watched his younger, more careless self eat Yor's cooking.
"Loid, I'm still so, so sorry about this!" Yor cried.
There was the distinct sound of retching from the footage.
"Oh... I think Papa got sick." Anya turned the camera onto herself as Loid, chalk-white, jumped to his feet and clutched his stomach. "Better luck next time, Mama! "
Somehow, despite watching himself run off to the bathroom to be sick after eating his wife's cooking, Loid grinned broadly. There was something about Anya's 'oh dear' expression on the screen that he simply couldn't take seriously. At the sight of his amusement, Yor smiled too, though she was still peeking through her fingers.
"You were born for the cameras, weren't you?" Loid told the little girl on his lap. She beamed devilishly at him.
Bond was back next, leaping across the park with Anya and Yor chasing after him. Loid followed them with the camera, calling, "Be careful, Anya, don't get your clothes muddy! "
The focus was on Yor again- she was attempting to wrestle a chew toy out of Bond's grip. Anya was narrating the whole display, bouncing up and down and cackling, and Yor was in almost hysterical giggles as she and Bond battled it out for the toy. Loid didn't even remember noticing how radiantly they were laughing back then, didn't remember his own chuckles in the background. Now he was watching it back, he felt a twinge in his stomach.
So much laughter...
He looked towards Franky, but his attention was quickly diverted by the sight of himself again. This time Anya was with him; they were sitting at the table with books spread out in front of them.
Loid looked tired in the footage. He didn't usually notice the bags under his eyes, but they looked worse on a screen. Then again, it made sense- he was helping Anya study, after all.
"Papa, I don't want to work on any of this," Anya in the recording groaned. She glanced up from the table, looking for an escape, and noticed the camera. Her entire face brightened. "Mamaaa! Can I have hot cocoa? "
"Anya, focus," Loid said, pointing at the page. "You misspelled that word again. Sound it out if it helps."
"Papaaaa. Cocoaaaa."
"Anya."
"Aw, Loid. It might help her study," Yor said fondly from behind the camera. She turned it towards Loid, and he heaved a sigh.
"Spoiled," he said. "I wish you could study without the help of chocolate. But fine. You still have to work on these questions afterwards."
"Yeah! " Anya cheered. "Mama, why are you recording this, by the way? It's boring!"
"Oh, I don't know. It's sweet."
Sweet. Loid glanced at Yor and Anya; both were smiling fondly at what they were watching.
The scenes were different from his childhood, that was for sure.
("No, ____, you've got it wrong again! Are you a fool, boy? How many times do I have to explain it to you?"
"For goodness' sake, give him a break, will you-"
"No breaks! He'll sit here until he gets his act together! Get back to work!"
"I- I'm sorry, Dad...")
Though it had been years since those days, Loid could remember blinking back tears and trying to stay calm so his father wouldn't snap at him again. Anya in the recordings was grinning mischievously, delighted at getting her way.
... things were very, very different.
Anya shifted in his lap, glancing up at him. "Papa..."
"Don't worry, I'm paying attention," Loid told her. He returned his focus to the television after giving her a short squeeze.
It struck him just how much footage Anya had captured of them. He watched Anya showing off her drawings to her parents and earnestly explaining each one, himself helping her with a crafts project, Yor demonstrating dodgeball techniques to Anya...
"What are you making, Papa?" They were in the kitchen. It must have been a while after she had started using the camera, because now he only glanced at it instead of self-consciously trying to avoid it.
"A lasagna. Why are you recording? I haven't even got the ingredients out yet."
"Can I help?" Anya chirped eagerly. "I want to help make dinner and show Mama! What can I do?"
Loid levelled a flat stare at the camera. "Absolutely nothing. Go and watch Spy Wars."
"Papa!"
"The last time you tried to help, you got two burns because you didn't keep away from the heat and cried all night."
"I know not to go near the heat now! Please can I help, please, please, please, please-"
"Fine!"
The following clip was of a lasagna, which Loid was standing by with his arms folded. Anya had brought the lens so close to the food that it was a miracle it hadn't been ruined by tomato sauce.
"Look what we made! " she cheered. "I cut the onions! It made me cry."
"I did warn you." His hand reached out to the camera to ruffle her hair. "But other than that, you were good at helping. Thanks, honey."
Honey.
Loid's breath caught in his throat at the simple word, uttered as easily as he infiltrated government meetings and duped political lobbyists.
He didn't even remember saying it.
He hadn't heard such casual affection since his childhood. He had never expected it to come from his own mouth.
("Oh, ____, you're home! Did you have a good day at school, honey?"
"Honey, can you pass me the needle and thread? I need to fix the hole in your shorts!"
" ____, honey, time for bed!"
" Aw, did you fall over? Don't worry, honey, I've got a plaster for you."
"Come here, honey. Give Mom a hug.")
Anya was looking at him again, and Loid realised he had missed the rest of the video, where Yor had come in to taste the food. A slight crease had appeared between her eyebrows.
This time, Loid didn't want to look her in the eyes. He focused on the videos, the montage of joy that wasn't all part of a facade, that wasn't orchestrated material for Operation Strix. It was him and his family. Enjoying life with each other in the most mundane (no, not mundane- peaceful) ways possible. Even Yuri hadn't found anything to be suspicious about.
Family. Enjoying life with each other.
No... Those days were behind him...
In the videos, Yor washed Bond in the bathtub, leaving him skinny and doleful, with Anya giggling at the sight of him. Even with his mind fractured- mission, duty, family, peace, war, joy- Loid's lips twitched.
And that was exactly the point. Even with all the noise in his head, the skinny family dog made him smile.
The smile turned into a grimace.
"There's Agent Mama! Agent Papa's right behind her- but he's grief-ishly injured!"
("Advisorrrr! Advisor! What do you suggest we do?")
"Agent Mama, this is not the time for laughter! Agent Papa is hurt, and Chimera and Penguinman are still in danger!"
"I'm sorry, Agent Anya! It's just- Loid with Agent Penguinman- ahahahaha!"
(" ____, why are you giggling? You're usually so serious about these games!"
"S- Sorry, but he looks really funny over there! That helmet doesn't fit him at all!")
He had never thought he would feel this way again. Without the tension in his shoulders, without the fate of his country on his mind.
Anya playing in the park. Running around the house. Him scolding her, and answering her questions, and smiling at her antics. The punches to his gut kept coming.
And then the video switched, one last time.
"It's Friday today. The weekend's tomorrow. I finally get time off school." The living room was full of warm light- it was late in the evening. "Bond and Mama are sleepy too."
Yor was tucked up on the sofa with Bond lying on her lap. She smiled and wiggled her fingers at the camera.
"Papa's reading the newspaper. He always does." Loid rustled the pages of the Daily Ost in acknowledgement. "It's been quiet today. Maybe I'll have more to show the camera tomorrow."
A giant yawn escaped her, and the camera wobbled slightly as she approached Loid and Yor.
"Sleepy?" Loid said.
"Mmm."
"Then it's time for bed," Yor said. "Come on, dear, I'll tuck you in. "
"Okay," Anya said. She hopped in between the two of them, and then her face appeared, squinting at the lens. She had turned the camera around. "Papa, I forgot how to turn it off."
All four of them were in view. Yor was peeking over Bond's giant shaggy head, Anya was in the centre, and Loid was on the right. He glanced away from his newspaper.
"It's the big red button."
"Thanks, Papa, " Anya said. She smiled at the camera one last time, before being disrupted by a yawn again. "Goodnight."
The family was shown for a second longer, bundled up together on the sofa, before the video ended, leaving the audience reflected in the blank TV screen.
Yor had her hand over her mouth and was smiling tearfully, Franky wore a self-satisfied grin, Yuri was determined to be unimpressed, Bond was observing the excitement in bemusement... and Anya was looking up at Loid.
"I've never seen anything so sweet," Yor said. Throughout the videos, she had sobered up slightly, so she now sounded far more coherent. Though her voice was thick with tears. "Don't you think, Yuri?"
"Hmph." Yuri huffed, leaning against the sofa and dramatically casting his head to the ceiling, "I suppose... you... all... looked happy."
Each word sounded deeply pained, but Yor took it as glowing approval. "Definitely! I loved the gift, Anya. Come and give me a hug..."
She extended her arms to Anya. With a degree of hesitation, Anya slid off Loid's lap and tottered towards her. Yor hugged her so tightly that her little arms flailed by her sides.
"I really am trying with my cooking, though," she said mournfully, once she had released Anya. "I'm still taking lessons..."
"The last stew you made was nice, Mama," Anya said, after she had taken a moment to gasp for air. "It didn't make Papa throw up."
Wincing, Yor turned to Loid with a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry again about all that..."
Everyone else's eyes fell on Loid, who hadn't moved a muscle since the video had ended.
"What did you think, Loid?" Franky said. "Not a bad gift on Anya's part, huh? And you looked so stressed about what she had been up to!"
"Wasn't it lovely, Loid?" Yor added.
"Papa?" Anya had moved in front of him, looking up with huge, wary eyes.
It wasn't right.
None of this was right.
A family. A home. Peace.
(Three dog tags. A ruined town. A pile of bodies.)
Loid's throat burned.
Bond approached him, stopping just before him with wide eyes. He gave a small whine, lifting a paw onto Loid's knee.
At once, Loid rose to his feet.
"I'll be back," he said. He didn't linger a second longer, making a beeline for the front door. Grabbing his coat, he left the apartment, the calls of everyone else ringing in the air behind him.
***
The moment Loid stepped out into the night, a tear burned down his cheek. No others followed, but the lump in his throat refused to subside. Loid hurried down the lamp-lit street like a man on a mission; the mission was to escape, escape his family and the life he wasn't supposed to have.
"Twilight!" It was Franky- of course he had followed. "Twilight, hang on! You can't just up and leave like that! Twilight!"
"What the hell, Franky?" Loid said, when the scrawny informant had caught up with him. "What the hell was that?"
"You're crying-?"
"What made you think that would be a good idea?" In the middle of the pavement, Loid rounded on him with the same wild anger and confusion he'd had years ago, when he had held a gun to Franky in the woods. "Why would you do that to me?"
Franky couldn't feign ignorance. He knew full well what Loid was talking about. "I..."
"You know," Loid said. His fist brushed furiously against his cheeks. "You know what this is. It's a mission. Plain and simple. You told me that yourself. You told me not to get attached!"
"I know I did!" Franky glanced around to make sure nobody was around before pinching the bridge of his nose. "And I thought the same as you, man. But when Anya gave me those videos... I've never seen you like that, Twilight."
"Like what?"
"Peaceful," Franky said. "I've never seen you so peaceful. And you know- God! I might be a pervert. I might be a damned fool. But I'm not heartless. I saw that you love those two."
Loid's tear-stained face contorted, and he set off again, down the empty road. "I can't love them."
"It's too late to be saying shit like that," Franky said, stumbling to match his pace. "And you know it."
Every street lamp threw Loid's anguished face into sharp relief. Emboldened by Twilight's vulnerability, Franky spoke up again.
"How much did we give up for that stupid war?" he asked. "How many people did we see die?"
"Everyone I ever loved," Loid said. "Every single one of them."
"Everyone," Franky echoed. "And for what? So there'd be a cold war where every other day nearly starts the madness all over again?"
Loid made a noise of frustration, but Franky pushed on.
"You and I killed and watched people get killed over nothing. And we're still out here as pawns, trying to keep the world from going to shit 'cause the big guys at the top can't let go of their pointless grudges. When will it end? When will we start living apart from this insanity?"
"I have my mission."
"You have a family," Franky said. They stopped in front of a bench. "And they're not worth giving up for guns and bombs and conflict. You're gonna die one day, Twilight. And the world will move on. People will keep fighting and dying for leaders who couldn't give a single shit about them, and you won't matter. But you know who you will matter to?"
Loid shook his head. "Don't."
"Your little girl. Your wife."
"Don't."
"You know what I'm saying is true," Franky said. He flopped onto the bench, raking an agitated hand through his scruffy curls. "You don't know what I'd give to have a living family. You have a second chance, here."
"I gave it all up," Loid said hoarsely. "Everything. After Dad... Mom... General, Corporal, Major..."
"General, Corporal, Major...?" Franky said, but he couldn't follow up on the question, because Loid had sunk onto the bench beside him.
"I can't, Franky."
"Twilight..."
Loid had given up the facade. There was no point in it. He was hunched over like he was mortally injured, his shoulders shaking with the weight of his grief.
"I miss them so much," he said. "My friends. My family. I just want them back."
("Advisor, Advisor! Come and play!"
" ____ , honey, have a good day at school! I love you!"
"I'm sorry I was so hard on you, son. I just want what's best for you. You... know I love you, right?")
"You can't have that, Twilight," Franky murmured. "But you've got a new family back in that apartment."
"You're missing one giant thing." Despite the tears, a grim smile played across his lips. "I've built up an entire life based off a lie. There's no future there."
There was no uncharacteristically wise response from Franky this time. Loid even found himself looking for it, almost desperately.
"What do I do?" Loid asked. "Where do I go from here? What happens when I finish my mission? If you've suddenly got all the answers, then tell me."
Franky opened and closed his mouth. And then: "I already said I'm a fool. I don't know what to say."
Laughing mirthlessly, Loid leaned over so far his head was between his knees. Only the ground could see the heartbreak in his eyes.
"... Do you want a cigarette?" Franky had pulled a box out, setting one between his teeth. "You could do with some stress relief."
"I don't do that anymore. It's not good for my kid."
There was silence following this statement, before Franky started chuckling. Even Loid's lips twitched at the absurdity of it all.
"Yeah. My mistake." Franky had a grin on his face as he lit his cigarette. "Oh, Twilight. I don't have any answers for you. I can't even think of the right thing to say to a woman. All I can say is..."
Loid lifted his head, still looking for a lifeline to cling onto.
"I'd think twice about throwing away the only real joy you've had in years."
***
Loid knew it would take a remarkable amount of audacity to walk back into the apartment and act as though he hadn't stormed out in tears- but he was nothing if not shamelessly good at acting.
"I'm back."
The moment he entered, Yor jumped up from the sofas, and Loid knew she was drunk again. She was crimson in the face and groped frantically at the air in front of her, even though Loid was several feet away.
"Loid!" she cried. "What happened? I've been sho worried!"
Anya shuffled by her side, staring up at him. Bond was lingering by her feet, almost looking relieved to have him back. Loid noted that Yuri was nowhere to be seen.
"I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly," he said. His gaze travelled to Franky, who leaned against the doorframe and stared at the floorboards, saying nothing. It was up to Loid to get himself out of this hole. "I just... after I saw those videos, I knew I couldn't sit here and do nothing."
He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a giant packet of peanuts.
Yor stared from the peanuts to him, completely nonplussed. Anya fidgeted.
"I thought Anya should get a reward for making such a thoughtful present." If Yor believes in concussive therapy, then she'll believe this. "It was difficult finding an open store at this time. That's why it took me so long."
Twilight's lies were never usually this unsophisticated. But he was so tired. His throat was sore, his eyes were dry, and all he wanted was sleep, away from his thoughts.
"All of this over peanuts, right?" Franky said with a forced laugh. "Crazy bast- idiot. I went chasing after him all worried, too..."
"Here you go, Anya," Loid said. He extended the packet of peanuts to her. "W- Well done on the gift to Mama."
She took it from him, staring at the packaging like it was an alien product. Then she mumbled, "Thank you."
"Peanuts...?" Yor's voice was so slurred from the drink that the word was barely comprehensible. "You went out at this time just to get a gift for Anya... you're sho... sho thought... thoughtful, Loid... And I was sho worried... I'm sho glad nothing happened..."
With a big, woozy grin, she stretched her arms out to him in a hug. At the same time, her eyes drooped. Loid took a step forward as she fell forwards, catching her arms. Her head lolled back, and she muttered incomprehensibly, fast asleep.
"Mama drank some more because she was worried." Anya wasn't looking at him but at the floorboards. "Uncle Yuri went out to find you. She couldn't stop him in time."
"I see," Loid said in a clipped voice. All his other experiences with Yor and alcohol told him she wouldn't remember this tomorrow. He couldn't bring himself to care about Yuri- he would resurface eventually. "Well... we should get you two to bed."
He shifted Yor around before scooping her into his arms. She exhaled happily in her sleep, burying her head into his chest.
Loid stared down at her, and hoped the look on his face wasn't as fragile as he felt.
"Looks like the party's over," Franky muttered in the background. "I'll see myself out, Loid. You tell your Ma happy birthday from me again, Anya."
"Bye, scruffy man... thank you for your help..."
"No problem, little one. See ya, Bond." He edged towards the door. "... Night, Loid."
Loid didn't answer.
When the door clicked behind Franky, indicating that the Forgers were alone, Loid stepped towards Yor's bedroom. Then he remembered that the lover's kit was still out, so he gently set her on the sofa to get that cleaned up.
"Papa..."
"One moment, Anya," Loid said, casting a cursory glance at her and Bond. "Let me just get Yor to bed."
He swept away the kit, with the sickeningly red love hearts and cutesy lettering, in record time. Once everything was back to normal, he returned her to her room, resting her against the pillows.
"No, Yuri, don't start a fight you can't win..." Yor mumbled in her slumber. "I won't let you punch Loid..."
Loid's face cracked into a smile. But only for a moment.
"Goodnight, Yor," he murmured. "Sorry."
He brushed away a few strands of hair that had fallen into her eyes and turned back to the doorway.
Anya was sitting on the living room floor next to Bond, running a hand across his shaggy coat. Loid cleared his throat, and she glanced up.
"Time for bed," he said. "Did you brush your teeth?"
She nodded.
"Come on. I'll tuck you in."
Everything was quieter than usual. Anya's usual insistence on prolonging bedtime (by being naughty) was absent today. She instead remained perfectly still, watching him draw her curtains and arrange her stuffed animals around her head.
"Papa," she said, as he pulled the blanket up to her chin.
Loid paused and sat back on his heels. He didn't look at her when he asked, "What's wrong?"
"I..."
His eyes softened at her hesitation. He knew, of course, that academic failures didn't mean she was a foolish child. She probably saw right through his 'peanuts' excuse and was concerned about his wellbeing.
But there was no way she knew what was really going on. That was a small comfort, at least.
"It's okay, Anya," he said quietly. "Go to sleep. We'll talk more tomorrow."
Timidly, Anya nodded. Loid was about to get to his feet, but before he could, she threw her arms around him in a hug.
"Goodnight, Papa."
Loid patted her on the back, again wearing the facade of the unaffected father. Rising, he approached the light switch, and flipped it off.
He paused on the spot.
When will it end? When will we start living apart from this insanity?
... Maybe he would start today.
"Goodnight, honey."