Chapter Text
“Olivine!” Eiden hummed as he knocked on his favourite priest’s door. “Can I come in?”
“Ah, yes, of course,” was the gentle reply, and Eiden wasted no time in accepting the invitation as he threw the door open and grinned when he saw that Olivine had been sat at his desk working on yet another picture book. The dainty pots of mineral dye that he was using were almost empty, and Eiden took a moment to internally congratulate himself on his impeccable timing.
“This is a nice surprise,” Olivine smiled, putting his paintbrush to one side.
“I’m the one with the surprise,” Eiden chuckled, bringing his hands out from behind his back with a flourish. “I got you a present!”
Eiden’s heart swelled as a pretty blush overtook Olivine’s cheeks. The priest tentatively reached out and took the proffered box, it fitting neatly in the palm of his hand. “I-I don’t know what to say…”
Man, Eiden was never going to tire of these cute reactions every time he gave out gifts. With his pulse thrumming in anticipation, he watched as Olivine lifted the lid to reveal the neat glass bottles of mineral dye. Any second now that green gaze was going to turn his way with unrestrained affection and longing, and then—
“O-Oh…”
‘Wait, “o-oh…”? That doesn’t sound like the kinda ‘oh’ I was after…’
Rather than flustered elation, it appeared that Olivine’s tight smile reflected some sort of conflict.
‘Am I losing my touch?!’ Eiden thought frantically, but did his best to play it cool.
“Oh, are the colours not right?” he asked sheepishly, peering at the bottles that this time contained vibrant orange, vivid green, and rich purple. “I noticed you were almost out of paint just now,” he said, inclining his head over to Olivine’s desk, “So I figured that maybe… ah…”
“Ah, no! Please do not mistake my reaction as ingratitude!” Olivine quickly replied. “I’m always happy to receive such tokens of your kindness.”
“You sure?” Eiden asked, raising an eyebrow. “Cuz your reaction just now wasn’t quite as, uh, ‘enthusiastic’ as usual. Is everything okay?”
Olivine worried his bottom lip and Eiden placed a reassuring hand on the priest’s shoulder. “Hey, no need to get stressed over it. It’s just a little gift! I’m not upset or anything, so talk to me?”
“Well… you see…” Olivine looked deep into Eiden’s eyes and, finding no judgement in them, nodded his head. “I seem to have ended up with more mineral dye than I can realistically use. So to be gifted some more just now made me worry that they may end up going to waste.”
“Huh? But it looks to me like you’re just about running on empty.”
Olivine sent him a sheepish smile as he stepped over to his desk and opened one of the drawers, revealing countless glass bottles full of mineral dyes.
“Oh,” Eiden said dumbly. “W-Well, okay it looks like a lot, but with all the drawing you do I’m sure you can—”
Olivine opened another of the drawers.
“Ah, that’s… I mean even with two whole drawers you’ll probably—”
Another drawer.
“Oh.”
And another.
“O-Okay I get it! Damn I really went overboard, huh? I’m sorry Olivine!”
“There’s more in my wardrobe.”
“I said I get it!” Eiden scratched at the back of his neck and realised that he may need to mix things up a little sometimes. Oh shit, did this mean he should cancel that bulk order of two hundred deerskins he placed at the market earlier that morning?
…
Nah. It was probably fine.
Mineral dyes were the matter at hand anyway, and as Eiden raked his gaze over the bottles and their brightly coloured contents he let out a low whistle. The sheer amount was actually pretty impressive. And besides, Eiden was a firm believer in ‘don’t fix what ain’t broke’. So many of these bottles represented so many sweet memories…
It took a moment for Eiden to register the hand being waved in front of his vision as Olivine looked at him with mild concern. Now wasn’t exactly the time for thoughts of soft bulging pectorals adorned with pretty green gems. Hopefully his blush didn’t look as guilty as it felt. Who’d have thought a priest would so effortlessly lead him to sin?
“S-Sorry about that,” Eiden chuckled, trying to re-engage his upper brain, “What were you saying?”
Olivine pursed his lips for a moment and the look he gave Eiden hinted that he might have had some clue that he knew the man’s thoughts were in the gutter and his own thoughts were well on the way to joining. But it seemed that propriety won out and with a quick clear of his throat Olivine went back to surveying the vast quantity of mineral dyes.
“These were gifts that you gave to me personally, so I’m loathe to just give them away to other people, but perhaps that is selfish of me. I really should share your kindness with others, perhaps donate them to the school where my siblings are studying, but…”
“Ah, hey, there’s nothing wrong with giving them a new home,” Eiden reassured him, “I mean, it’s my fault you’re in this predicament.” ‘Note to self: stop chucking paint at Olivine like a maniac.’
‘Wait.’
“I suppose,” Olivine reluctantly agreed. “But it’s a happy predicament. Ideally I’d like to make use of it all myself, but…”
‘Chucking paint?’
“I’ve got it!” Eiden cheered and Olivine jumped at the sudden enthusiasm. Eiden just grinned at him. “I think I know of a way to use up the dyes, but would you be okay with the other clan members using them alongside you?”
Olivine nodded. “Of course. But… what would we all do with so much mineral dye?”
“Hehe. Allow me to introduce you to something called: paintball.”
“Paint… ball?”
“Yeah! In my world there’s this thing called paintball which is essentially a paint fight.”
Olivine gazed at him in wonder, pretty emerald eyes sparkling as bright as the gem embedded in his abdomen at the thought of learning something new.
“Fighting with paint?” he repeated, lips pulling up into an excited smile. “Oh my, that sounds so colourful! Is the paint fight in order to honour colourful individuals? Or is it part of a wider ceremony? Ah! Of course, it must be part of the birthday celebrations for the monarch; truly this gives new meaning to Trooping the Colour!” Olivine looked about two seconds away from grabbing a notebook to furiously scribble down whatever scrap of information was about to fall from Eiden’s lips.
Said man just chuckled. “Ah, well, it’s not really anything as grand as that. It’s just a sport.”
“A sport, I see,” Olivine nodded, his mind racing with how such a sport may look. “How does one go about winning?”
“Well it’s a competition between two teams. Each team has a certain number of paintballs, which are these little balls filled with paint, and they fire them at the other team. If you get hit, you’re out. The team with the last man or men standing wins.”
It occurred, belatedly, to Eiden that this world didn’t appear to have guns, so shooting paintballs in the traditional sense wouldn’t work. But back when he was at the orphanage the children would often use slingshots or just simply throw them at each other, so there were definitely ways to overcome logistics.
“And we can make these paint-filled balls with my mineral dyes?” Olivine asked, imagining how vivid all the colours would be on impact.
“Yeah! The orphanage wouldn’t splurge on something like paintballs, but one of the kids found a recipe online. I’m pretty sure I remember how to make em. We could ask Yakumo to help us out cuz it’s basically like cooking but with paint.”
“That sounds wonderful! Shall we see if he’s free right now?”
Eiden blinked. “Wow, you’re that excited to try it out?”
“Of course. It sounds so fascinating.” Olivine began to head towards his door. “Is it only balls that can be used, or are combatants allowed to use paint in other ways so long as they end up marking up their opponents?”
“Ah, well, typically it’s only balls but why limit ourselves?” Eiden asked with an easy grin. “Sometimes you’ve just gotta let your creative side run wild, so as long as it’s paint dealing the finishing blow I don’t see why it wouldn’t count.”
“Plus we certainly have enough dye to use in all sorts of ways,” Olivine happily agreed.
“Yeah… sorry again about that.”
“Please, there’s no need to apologise. Thanks to your generosity I now get to experience something entirely new and unexpected. A sport from your world…” Olivine was once again looking at him with shining eyes. “Truly, the God of Klein is smiling upon me. Thank you, Eiden.”
Eiden smiled back. It may not have been how he intended, but his gift had still ended up bringing Olivine so much joy. “Of course,” he replied, reaching out and giving Olivine’s hand an affectionate squeeze. “As you know, I shall always do my best to fulfil the desires of my clan members. So let’s bring a little more colour to this place!”
x~x~x~x~x
It turned out that trying to gather one’s clan members in one place at the same time was a bit like herding cats, which was rather ironic considering Eiden had a serpent, a fox, and a wolf among his menagerie but no felines to speak of (at least, for now). It took literal weeks for everyone to find a day that worked for them all, Dante being the most awkward because of course he would be.
In the end he had convinced his latest clan member to attend by promising a day of sport, a notion that of course elicited a barb from the redhead as he remarked (yet again) on Eiden’s lazy tendencies and appalling lack of a rigorous exercise regime.
(Eiden had pointed out that he got plenty of rigorous exercise, but his suggestive eyebrow waggle when delivering this news didn’t seem to impress the Sun Lord, funnily enough. His blush was pretty cute though.)
So it was the promise of exercise combined with the necessary task of finally meeting the rest of his fellow clan members that convinced Dante to set aside some time in order to make the trip to Aster’s mansion, even if he was a giant pain in the ass about it the whole time. Honestly, trying to coax the Sun Lord away from his desert domain was a bit like trying to deny Edmond his customary pastry at afternoon tea: nigh on impossible, fraught with danger, and possessing a high chance of ending up sticky and mildly bruised.
Speaking of Edmond, Eiden still hadn’t elaborated on what the day’s activities were to be. The knight seldom got a precious day off and even Eiden, for all his charm and quick thinking, couldn’t think of a way to package the prospect of getting covered in paint in a way that would appeal to the man. Thus he had omitted the paint part entirely and instead branded the day’s activities as a training and team building exercise, two things that did appeal to Edmond’s sensibilities.
“Master,” Aster’s voice piped up from the doorway of the drawing room, and Eiden glanced up from where he was lounging on the sofa. “Sun Lord Jackass has just arrived, and all the other clan members are gathered outside waiting for your big announcement of today’s activities.”
Eiden nodded and hopped off of the sofa, an easy smile on his lips. “And the other preparations?”
“The servants have set everything up according to Master’s plans,” Aster happily chirped.
“Sweet,” Eiden beamed. The one benefit of having weeks to plan this thing meant that he was able to go all out. Sure, he may have gone a little overboard with Yakumo and Olivine in the kitchen, and then gone even more overboard when he enlisted Aster’s help in acquiring slingshots and other ‘weapons’ that leant themselves to paint-based warfare, but all of it was sure to make for an awesome spectacle.
Well. Assuming that everyone was down to play along.
As if reading his thoughts Aster hummed and casually said, “I’m surprised you got everyone to agree to this ‘paintball’ thing. But I guess that’s my fault for not having more faith in Master. I won’t ever doubt you again! So~ What’s your secret? Extortion? I find that to be extremely effective in most cases,” he smiled happily.
“Well, I kind of bent the truth a little with some of them,” Eiden admitted, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly and deciding it was safer for him to pretend he didn’t just hear a confession of criminal activity. “But I’m sure now that everyone’s here, they won’t mind playing along once they hear me out. But… Quincy might find it all too troublesome.” Eiden couldn’t deny the real possibility that Quincy would just stalk off and go nap in a tree somewhere.
Aster giggled. “True. But I’d have thought Lord Jackass would be the one to take the most convincing.”
“Yeah, but I actually planned for that,” Eiden said with a proud little chuckle. “Don’t worry, the mighty Dante is totally taken care of. I’m deploying my secret weapon!”
“Oh?” Aster asked, looking up at Eiden curiously. “Master has something like that?”
“Someone,” Eiden corrected. “Why do you think I kept nagging Edmond about when his next day off was?”
“The Vice-Captain is your secret weapon?” Aster asked with a sceptical rise of his brow.
“Hey, what were you saying just a second ago about not doubting me again?” Eiden chuckled. “Look, Edmond deals with pain in the ass nobles every day, so handling someone like Dante is bound to be a piece of cake for him, right?”
Aster hummed thoughtfully. “But even he must have his limits,” he reasoned, casting his mind back to their excursion to Solaria.
Eiden pursed his lips. “Sure, Dante’s sexiness is directly proportional to how much his personality sucks, but I totally back Edmond to take him off guard with all that knightly diplomacy stuff he does.”
“Is the Vice-Captain aware of this task you set for him, Master?”
“Nah,” Eiden waved a dismissive hand, “Edmond just does it automatically. Look at how good he is at calming Yakumo down. Even Blade listens to him!” Eiden paused for a moment. “Well, kind of.” Blade listened insomuch as a self-possessed e-droid was inclined to listen. “Either way Edmond is basically the clan whisperer.”
Aster sent him a questioning look, not understanding that particular reference point. But confusion soon gave way to a cute little smirk, the corner of the vampire’s lips rising to a sharp point. “Master… are you sure you’re not just pawning the Sun Lord off on our resident knight because you don’t want to deal with him?”
Eiden’s gait faltered for just a moment and Aster giggled because the look that briefly flashed across his Master’s face couldn’t have screamed ‘busted’ any clearer.
“So devious, Master~” he hummed.
“It’s not like that at all!” Eiden retorted once he had recovered from that strikingly perceptive observation. As the head of the clan it was his job to try and keep the peace within the ranks, right? Right now this was the smartest move. It was a bit like playing chess but with ridiculously hot men. Eiden may not know much about the game but he knew that the knight moved in an L and the L is exactly what Dante was damn well going to take.
“This is a classic shōnen manga situation,” Eiden explained as if it were a science. “To neutralise the hot-headed guy you gotta balance that out with the cool-headed one. Classic fire and ice type stuff, yanno? Edmond will lay on the chivalry and Dante will acknowledge his fellow noble as a worthy equal and then we’ll all be able to get along and have a nice day of paintball.”
“Well, I did say I wasn’t going to doubt you anymore, Master…”
“Exactly! Trust me, I’ve seen this trope play out a thousand times. It’s fool proof.”
By this point the two of them had reached the entrance hall of Aster’s mansion and Eiden confidently strode up to the door. “I wouldn’t even be surprised if the two of them are already fast friends,” he said, throwing the door open with a flourish to greet the newly arrived Sun Lord and the rest of his clan.
He instantly staggered back as an intense wave of essence smacked him square in the chest.
“Wah! What did we miss?” Aster asked, poking his head around the door to glimpse the scene before them.
As if staged, Dante and Edmond stood face-to-face glaring at each other. A quick glance confirmed that most of the other clan members had scattered in the face of this burgeoning conflict. Kuya appeared to have never been that interested in it to begin with and was lounging decadently against the wall of Aster’s mansion, while a few metres away Olivine was placing a consoling hand on Yakumo’s shoulder. Yakumo’s bottom lip was trembling as he looked between the two posturing nobles, but the hesitancy with which he held himself spoke of an already failed attempt to diffuse whatever the hell had been allowed to take hold.
“For a man who has allegedly dedicated his life to service,” Dante was saying in that low baritone of his, sharp eyes narrowed at the Vice-Captain before him, “This level of sloppiness is truly astonishing, sir knight.” He emphasised the ‘t’ in such a way as to make the letter seem like a dagger striking true at his opponent.
Eiden hardly had time to register the disdain with which he was addressing Edmond though because was it even possible to apply the word ‘sloppy’ to someone like him? What on earth had he missed?
“My sincerest apologies, milord,” Edmond responded coolly and a shiver ran down Eiden’s spine. The words he spoke may have been materially polite but they carried an unmistakable undercurrent of ‘fuck you’ the likes of which the brunette had never heard from him before.
Dante clearly didn’t miss the true meaning lurking beneath the knightly politesse and showed no signs of slowing his invective. “It is little wonder that the knights of Klein are a pathetic lot of poor stock. Men take after their leader, after all.”
Eiden clenched his teeth. God, Dante had only been here for five minutes and he was already picking fights? And that comment went way too far. He stepped forward to share a few choice words of his own but his momentum was effectively killed when he heard Edmond’s response.
“Ah, so am I to believe that Solaria is a land populated by foul-tempered knaves?”
What. The fuck.
Eiden’s eyes widened comically and his jaw went slack as he regarded Edmond with astonishment. Said man had merely raised a neat blue brow the barest fraction, as if he had genuinely just asked an honest question akin to querying the weather.
Dante’s nostrils flared and the atmosphere suddenly became altogether too oppressive. Edmond’s body tensed, a droplet of sweat forming on his brow as he struggled to maintain his steady gaze on the Sun Lord before him. Eiden knew exactly what the knight was going through in that moment; Dante wasn’t doing anything particularly notable beyond glaring at him, but the man carried with him a natural air of danger that implied he could inflict death upon his chosen target at any given moment should the mood strike him.
And if Edmond carried on poking this fiery bear that mood seemed very liable to strike indeed. Just what had gotten into the knight? Sure, Eiden had encouraged him on multiple occasions to speak his mind more when it came to dealing with arrogant nobles, but why did he have to pick this arrogant noble to practice his newfound frankness on?!
“Hmph, it seems you fancy yourself as something of a firecracker, sir knight,” Dante drawled, low and dangerous. “But be forewarned that firecrackers are wont to burn out before they can achieve anything of note beyond meaningless noise.”
The corner of Edmond’s mouth twitched, the tightest of smiles forming on his lips as he bowed his head. “In that case it would appear that I am fortunate, milord. For should I regrettably burn out your lordship has masterfully proven his words to be suffused with such an abundance of hot air that you would most successfully stoke any latent flames back to life.”
It was at this point that Eiden had to acknowledge that perhaps he was a shit chess master. But in his defence, he couldn’t have known that his knight possessed such an immense desire for death. Still, while he yet lived, it had to be said that Edmond had a talent for inflicting sick burns upon a Sun Lord who, ironically, wasn’t looking all that fireproof at the moment.
Dante’s cheeks were aflame with indignation, mismatched eyes flashing with menace as he took a step towards the Vice-Captain. “It appears that the king has been lax in disciplining you, sir knight.” Another step, and now he was using every last centimetre that he had on Edmond to his advantage as he towered over the other. “Therefore I shall concoct a suitable punishment for you.”
Edmond shivered, biting his lip, and for just a fleeting moment Eiden felt like this scene seemed rather familiar. But then Edmond’s blue eyes blinked away the beginnings of haziness to regain their focus tenfold, glaring up at Dante, and he opened his mouth once more to speak words that would no doubt deviate from the script that this scenario reminded him of.
“Please do not trouble yourself, milord,” Edmond responded, and yes, there was definitely something up with the address. Eiden thought it sounded off before, a distinct fusing of two usually separate words, and not as clipped as the rest of Edmond’s precisely spoken vocabulary. And in this instance just now it seemed to come out just a touch more slurred. “Simply being in your presence is punishment enough.”
“Pfft!”
Okay, Eiden had actually snorted at that because damn that was a good one. Edmond was absolutely on fire! Figuratively. Although given the way Dante’s fingers were twitching at his sides, the Sun Lord seemed about two seconds away from making that be the case literally as well.
For just a brief moment Dante’s glare found a new target in Eiden— ‘Oh, so he did know I was here after all! It’s so nice to be acknowledged…’— a glare that promised that he would not soon be forgetting his temerity to laugh in such a situation, before refocusing on the Vice-Captain. At least this gave Eiden some time to make peace with whatever punishment Dante would likely try to foist upon him later, although why he was being penalised for Edmond’s words he didn’t know.
Not that it looked like Edmond was about to get off all that easily.
“I would advise you to stand down and submit,” Dante said, the words pulled tight like an arrow waiting to be loosed. “Your superciliousness is made all the more laughable directed towards a Sun Lord. If you continue on in this ridiculous manner I assure you that I will give no quarter when reminding you of your place.”
Another wave of essence smacked into Eiden, but only this time does the young sorcerer take more note of the nature of it. He distinctly remembers Dante’s essence being far more controlled than this, laser-focused and scarily overwhelming, accompanied by the scent of char and something spicy that pricked at his tongue. What he feels now is almost the exact opposite, an essence that is chaotic and confused while something akin to molten fondant coats his tongue and drips down his throat. Burning sugar.
And once again Eiden is looking at Edmond in astonishment at the realisation that the essence that had struck him so hard it made him reel back earlier wasn’t coming from the Sun Lord at all, but from the knight who usually suppressed his essence with ruthless efficiency. For it to be running wild like this was practically unprecedented. Was this why Edmond was acting so out of character, running his mouth with little regard for the etiquette he usually prided himself on? His essence right now was almost reminiscent of…
‘No way! Is Edmond…?’
The conclusion that Eiden was on the cusp of drawing was utterly lost when Edmond squared his shoulders, neatly tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear, and uttered but a single word in response to the Sun Lord:
“If.”
That simple word somehow encapsulated a myriad of things: it was at once a challenge and a question, a word that prompted action and a follow-through on the threat while also functioning as a surrender, potentially, in the right context.
But not in this context.
And both men knew that.
After a few agonisingly long moments of staring each other down the two nobles pivoted towards Eiden, spookily in sync with their actions, and the spookiness continued when they both demanded at the same time:
“State your terms.”
“Uh, huh?” was all Eiden could say in response, too taken aback to snicker at the way Dante and Edmond sent each other a quick annoyed glance as if accusing the other of copying him.
“You called us here for sport,” Dante elucidated as Edmond went with, “A training exercise, was it?”
Oh! Right. There was a reason for all of this. Eiden needed to get this back on track. On the plus side, it looked like both Edmond and Dante were going to be on board for whatever he was about to propose. Silver linings!
Eiden rubbed his hands together and grinned. “A competition!” he grandly declared, knowing that single word would get his nobles well and truly invested. As expected, they both took a neat step apart and then looked at him expectantly, silently claiming the captaincy of the rival teams. Eiden grinned wider.
“Okay, guys, you can all gather around now! This little pissing contest”—Edmond pulled a face at such coarse language while Dante clicked his tongue at the vulgarity of the phrase— “is about to be channelled into something a lot more constructive and fun!”
It took a few minutes to get everyone together. Yakumo took a few shaky steps forward, bolstered in courage by Olivine who was gently guiding him into position. Only once the priest was certain that the serpent wasn’t about to have a mental breakdown did he allow himself to look towards Eiden, a look of unrestrained excitement beginning to brim over in his pretty emerald eyes. ‘Of course,’ Eiden thought fondly, ‘He’s been waiting ages to try this out.’
Kuya swanned over at a leisurely pace while Morvay appeared at the entrance of the mansion with Garu in tow; the wolf had apparently wandered off at some point and found his way into the pantry. He looked incredibly happy with half a salami hanging out of his mouth, and Eiden allowed himself the luxury of staring at that tantalising sight for a moment—lips stretched over thick meat, a little drool gathered at the corners of his mouth— before Garu bit down viciously on the sausage and suddenly Eiden was crossing his legs and quickly looking away to survey the state of play.
They found Blade near the greenhouse chasing a (cute) butterfly and the e-droid located Quincy sleeping behind a hedge. Unsurprisingly, said man wasn’t too thrilled to be woken up with a peppy, “Rise and shine, Quince Pie~” and then dragged unceremoniously to the front of the mansion where everyone else was waiting.
At least this brief reprieve had allowed Dante and Edmond to cool off, the atmosphere not being nearly as oppressive as it was earlier.
“Whew, okay, we’re all here,” Eiden said, surveying his clan members and nodding. He cleared his throat dramatically, “Now then, I’m sure some of you are wondering why we’re all gathered here today so without further ado I wish to introduce you all to a sport from my home world: paintball!”
Blade let out a cheer, by far the most ecstatic response to just the name, but everyone else had varying degrees of interest displayed on their faces at this new and alien sport. “Aster, if you please,” Eiden said, holding out his hand and like clockwork Aster popped a paintball into the palm of his hand. He held it up to show everyone.
“So, this is a paintball. Like the name suggests, this little colourful ball here is full of paint. I made these with Yakumo and Olivine a couple weeks back,” he explained, smiling at the named clan members. “If one of these babies hits you with enough force, it bursts and releases its colourful contents!”
To demonstrate, Eiden held the ball up high before rapidly bringing his arm down to slam the ball against the stone slabs beneath his feet. As expected the ball exploded, releasing a bright orange splatter to a chorus of interest from the onlookers.
“The aim of the game is to hit those on the opposing team while avoiding getting hit yourself. If you get hit, you’re out. The team with the last man or men standing wins and will get a special prize!”
“Are we to throw these… painted balls, then?” Dante asked, regarding the orange splatter with narrowed eyes.
“Why no, my dear Sun Lord,” Eiden said with an easy grin that only got sharper when Dante bristled. “While you can throw them if you wish, each person is gonna start this particular game with twenty paintballs and a slingshot.”
On cue Morvay began making the rounds, handing a little pouch full of colourful quarry to each of the clan members while Aster followed behind doling out slingshots gleefully.
Garu started pulling at the rubber strips curiously. “Master,” he began, still pawing at the small contraption, “Do I have to use this thing?”
“Nope,” Eiden returned. “Dotted throughout Aster’s estate are loot crates that contain all sorts of goodies: different paint-based weapons, more paintballs, paint cans, bottles of powdered dye… all manner of cool stuff to help you level up your game!”
Aster’s servants really went above and beyond this time.
“Oh oh!” Blade chimed in, holding his hand in the air and wriggling it around. “Darling~ I have a question!”
“Yes, Blade?”
“What if I make the ball go smoosh?” he asked. “Am I out because I got paint on me?”
A collective question hung silently in the air: ‘Smoosh?’
“Um, come again?” Eiden replied after racking his brain and failing to translate Bladeish.
“You know, smoosh~!” Blade said, as if emphasising the word would make it make sense. His accompanying motion, however, did enlighten the group as he rubbed his palm over Quincy’s bicep while humming, “Paint smoosh~”
Quincy shrugged him off with a tired glare but Blade was blind to it as he looked to Eiden expectantly. The brunette also noticed Quincy taking a mild interest in his answer, which made sense: he tended to fight with his fists, so he would probably be interested in employing the ‘smoosh’ method at some point.
After some consideration Eiden declared, “Smooshing is a legal move!”
Blade cheered and Quincy nodded his head once, but he heard someone click their tongue.
That someone turned out to be Edmond, whose arms were folded and whose hip was jutting at an unimpressed angle. “Nonsense,” the knight said, “How on earth would you monitor such a thing? As has been made clear, this ‘smoosh’ technique would cover the executor in paint as well. How are we to keep track of which paint stains denote an elimination and which are legal? Unfortunately I cannot place any confidence in the honesty of some of those present, so I shan’t be satisfied merely taking them at their word.”
“Oh, good point…” As the self-appointed Paint Emperor and Grand High Overseer of Paintball, he probably should have thought of that.
“We’ll keep track of it, Master!” Morvay offered, pointing to himself and Aster.
“Oi, dumbass, don’t just volunteer my time for free!”
“You shitty vampire! Master needs our help with his balls!”
“Were you listening? It’s not those balls that he needs help with, cum pervert!”
“Blood bastard!”
“Stupi—”
“Okay okay you’re both pretty,” Eiden sighed. Honestly, these two and their pointless arguments. “What were you going to say, Morvay?”
Morvay stuck his tongue out at a pouting Aster and turned adoring eyes onto Eiden. “Well, we can do this!” he said, and in a puff of purple the familiar was in his adorably fuzzy form. “We can keep an eye on the game for ya and make sure no one cheats!”
“Ohhh, like cute little flying cameras!” Eiden exclaimed, ignoring the blank looks that the word ‘camera’ invited. He’d teach them about those some other day. “Great idea Morvay.”
“Haha, Master praised me~” the incubus hummed.
“Wah! No fair, praise me instead!” Aster insisted, jumping up and down before he too switched into his pink bat form. “See? I can do it too!”
“Thank you, both of you,” Eiden smiled, “Your job is gonna be super important, so I’ll be counting on you.”
“Hear that? He’s counting on us so don’t screw up, dumbass.”
“As if you need to tell me that! You’re the one who—”
Okay so now that surveillance was sorted Eiden was just going to leave them to their bickering.
“Is the use of magic permitted, young master?” Kuya enquired, looking bored. The fact he was even bothering to enquire at all was in itself a victory.
“As long as it involves paint somehow, it’s fair game.”
“I see,” was all Kuya said in response, but the glint in his eyes was dangerous. Suddenly Eiden wondered if he’d doomed his clan members. That was a scheming look if ever there was one.
“Remember, this is supposed to be fun,” Eiden emphasised.
“Hmph, enough talk,” said fun sponge Dante, “We are all suitably apprised of the rules.” The redhead dug into his pocket to produce a gold coin, tossing it unceremoniously in Eiden’s direction who fumbled to catch it. “Heads.”
“Tails,” Edmond decreed, not arguing the toss.
With a sigh, Eiden flipped the coin. Great, just when he’d thought the mood had lightened considerably it seemed the Thing between Dante and Edmond was merely left simmering in the background, ready to boil over once more if he didn’t find a way to try and keep the peace.
He caught the coin and peered at the outcome, turning one of his signature grins in Edmond’s direction. “Bottoms up! You get first pick Edmond!” he cheered, showing that the coin had landed on tails.
A frosty glare was Edmond’s response.
‘Welp. That didn’t lighten the mood. At least he didn’t call me a scoundrel.’
“Scoundrel,” Edmond muttered under his breath.
‘Ah, nope. There it is.’
“Blade,” Edmond then said aloud, wasting little time in recruiting his first teammate. Dante raised a surprised brow but didn’t comment. Blade let out a happy squeal and skipped his way over to Edmond while humming a jaunty tune.
“La di daa~ Sweetie’s team is the cutie team~” he sang, casually slinging his arm around Edmond’s shoulders the second he was in close enough proximity to do so. The knight clearly tensed up under the touch but he didn’t move to immediately shove the arm off of his personage, a testament to their unexpected camaraderie.
‘Yes Blade!’ Eiden internally cheered. No one could stay all surly and serious for long when they had a ray of e-droid sunshine by their side. Blade had expertly diffused the situation!
“Very well,” Dante began, casting his eyes over the remaining clan members. Eiden had told the Sun Lord about them during his trip to Solaria, and he’s pretty sure Aster gave him some sort of cheat sheet with their information before they left. “I pick—”
“No need to worry, Al Dante~” Blade hummed, swaying to some unheard beat, arm still around Edmond’s shoulders. “You can—”
“Al Dante?” the Sun Lord interrupted the interruption, looking both pissed off and bemused. Edmond just let out a soft snort and shook his head, the rest of the clan having knowing looks on their faces. They all knew that it was only a matter of time before Blade had cooked up some sort of pet name for him. It was kind of like a right of passage; truly Dante was being welcomed into the fold in Blade’s own way.
“Yeah! Like the pasta~” Blade hummed happily.
“Um, t-that would be ‘al dente’,” Yakumo piped up, bravely.
“Yeah, Yakutie, that’s what I said,” Blade giggled.
“It really isn’t…” Yakumo mumbled, less bravely.
Yakumo’s objection was, sadly, far too quiet to register with the e-droid, who merrily carried on humming as he waited for someone to take the bait.
“What does pasta have to do with the Sun Lord?” It was Olivine. Ever curious.
Blade turned to look at him with shining eyes. “You mean you don’t get it, Ollie-dolly~? It’s because he’s firm and delicious, like pasta!” A pause. No one could object. “And because too much of him makes your tummy ache, like pasta!”
“Heh.”
That was Kuya. No one else had the stones to laugh, although Eiden felt his cheeks heating up as he valiantly battled to suppress the laughter bubbling up in his throat.
“What nonsense,” Dante huffed, outraged, “Rescind that ridiculous sobriquet and show some respect!”
“Eh~? But I am respecting you! I came up with a whole new cute nickname because you got this scary look when I called you Lord Jackass!” Blade insisted with a pout. “And if you’d let me finish earlier, I was gonna say that you can take the rest~”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You were about to pick a teammate, but you can have them all. Against me and sweetie you’re gonna need all the help you can get, Al Dante~”
Oh shit, wait, no. Blade was making things worse now. Dante’s glare was murderous.
“Isn’t that right, sweetie~?” Blade asked, turning his face towards Edmond and attempting to nuzzle his cheek. It was only at this point did Edmond tactfully remove himself from the affectionate embrace, dusting his uniform off primly while allowing his blush to die down a bit before regarding the fuming Sun Lord opposite them.
“Now now Blade, cease your provocations,” Edmond said coolly, sensibly. Eiden breathed a sigh of relief. Good, it seemed Edmond was back to normal, at least. Now he could lay on the knightly chivalry, work to undo whatever damage had been done in that altercation earlier and—
“While it is true that the Sun Lord is clearly compensating for something and your generous proposal is offered in the spirit of fairness, I should hardly think he’d be happy with such an arrangement.” He looked towards Dante. “Is my thinking correct, m’lud?”
‘Holy crap they’re enabling each other!’
Although whether the sweet and innocent Blade had been corrupted by the Vice-Captain or the righteous and just Edmond had been corrupted by the e-droid, it was hard to tell.
“Padre!” Dante barked, snapping his fingers imperiously, “Get over here.”
There was a beat before Olivine’s eyes widened. “Oh, ah, me?”
“Who else?” Dante asked through gritted teeth.
Eiden mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ to the priest as he passed by. He’d gotten all dressed up in his pretty Great Hunt outfit for the occasion and Eiden hadn’t even had a chance to compliment him thanks to all the bizarre shit that had happened. This probably wasn’t what he’d had in mind when he so generously donated his mineral dyes to a fun and educational experience from another world. Olivine bore it with grace though, smile still serene as he settled by Dante’s side.
“Your pick,” Dante said gruffly to Edmond, clearly not intending to scoop up the remaining clan members as per Blade’s ‘helpful’ suggestion.
Edmond cast his eyes over the group and sapphire got caught on gentle amber for a moment. Yakumo smiled that soft smile that never failed to do funny things to the knight’s chest, and his calming presence would be most welcome. They also worked incredibly well together, a complementary pair. But then Edmond caught sight of Olivine gently speaking into Dante’s ear, saw the way that eager emerald gaze was eyeing up a certain forest guardian, and Edmond pursed his lips.
Yakumo and Edmond weren’t the only pair that worked incredibly well together.
“Quincy,” Edmond announced, to the shock of everyone; Topper let out a surprised squeak and Quincy himself was so shocked that he managed to muster the energy for half an eyebrow raise! The knight was making a concerted effort not to look at a certain serpent as the large man lumbered over to stand with Edmond and Blade.
Olivine was in Dante’s ear again, and Edmond braced himself even as he hoped against hope that he wouldn’t say—
“Yakumo,” Dante stated.
It figured. An eye for an eye.
That left Garu and Kuya remaining.
Edmond glanced between the two yokai for but a moment before picking Garu, who yipped happily and trotted over to the knight’s team. Eiden liked to think that Edmond had made a tactical choice there, making sure Kuya was on the opposition team in a bid to make Quincy actually do something, but there was a real chance he picked the wolf because even Edmond couldn’t deal with fighting off death on two fronts. He’d already invited Dante’s ire, and who knew what Kuya was liable to do at any given moment. Maybe there was some self-preservation left in the man.
“Hm, I shall remember this, young master,” Kuya remarked with an unnerving glance at Eiden before gliding over to Dante’s team, still so full of pride despite being the last pick.
‘Why me?!’
That was the second time today that Edmond had written a cheque with Eiden’s ass as the collateral. Which was highly unfair, because Edmond had a perfectly lovely ass of his own that he could offer up.
Oh, now there was a thought. Would they let him watch…?
“Do I bear a striking resemblance to someone who’s got all day?” Dante griped, pulling Eiden away from his Knight’s Gone Wild! fantasy. Not that it was really a fantasy; his knight had gone wild, just not in that way. Although given how his essence is behaving—
—aaaaand Edmond had already loaded a paintball into his slingshot. Wonderful.
“Woah, hang on a sec! You guys get to have a team meeting and stuff first!”
Synergy seemed to be the last thing on the team captains’ minds as they resumed glaring at each other, Dante promising swift punishment, Edmond all but daring him to try it, Blade acting as a misguided hype man while Kuya looked to be plotting some sort of paint-based massacre in the background.
Sorrowfully, the young sorcerer had to admit that shōnen manga had lied to him. This was not at all playing out like he had envisioned.
Eiden let out a solemn sigh. “You can’t actually kill someone with paint, right?” he asked his familiars.
“Anything is a deadly weapon if you try hard enough~” Aster chirped beside him.
Dimly, in the background, he heard an, “Ouch! What the hell, dumbass incubus?!” “That’s clearly not the answer he wanted, shitty vampire!”
Eiden sighed again.
He should’ve introduced them to Bake Off instead.