Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Maybe I was born so that I would meet you."  

Those words spoken softly into the night sent shivers down Shinji's spine. The warmth that bloomed in his cheeks was obvious even in the dim moonlight that spilled from the high windows above them. There was something deeply sincere in Kaworu's voice—something vulnerable—as if this was something he was admitting even to himself. They were honeyed words, but not in the sense that they were coating a lie. They were a comforting truth that washed over Shinji in waves and left him breathless in its wake. 

Despite registering their sincerity, Shinji stared at the boy in the bed above him with wide eyes and confusion. He was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. How could a person like Kaworu even think he was brought into this cruel world with the purpose of just meeting him? 

Plain, insignificant, unimportant Shinji Ikari? 

That's what he wanted to say in return, but the words wouldn't come out. They weighed heavily in his chest like bile waiting to be thrown up, burning his insides and leaving his throat sore, but... He was hesitating. 

Kaworu was an extraordinary individual with an awareness of life and its hidden poetry that most mundane people weren’t aware of or chose to ignore. He was kind, intelligent, well-spoken, and seemed to know who he was and his place in the world. His purpose wasn't just meeting him, and Shinji knew that. He knew that! But still.. Those words... Deep down in that miniscule part of his being where his insecurities and self-loathing had yet to sink their sharpened teeth, he wanted to believe what Kaworu had said. It was such a selfish thought to want someone to exist just for him, but he was weak—Weak and pathetic and selfish—yet Kaworu still looked at him as if he were one of the world’s greatest treasures and talked as if he wanted nothing more than for Shinji to see himself the way he did. 

Kaworu was looking at him that way now. He'd remained quiet even though minutes had passed since he'd last spoken those heart-wrenching words. His smile remained, but there was a slight pull to it as if he already knew of the dissonance tearing through Shinji’s thoughts. It wouldn’t surprise him; despite their short time together it felt as if Kaworu had known him for a lifetime.  

Shinji looked away first. He didn't know how to respond, and in his shame he turned away. Without the words to speak, none that he was confident in at least, he was unable to continue looking at the silver-haired boy any longer. His hands were tightly fisted above the covers as if trying to convince himself that the last few moments had truly happened. The seconds passed and the chaotic whirlwind of his emotions slowly ebbed leaving behind the familiar dull ache and emptiness that he was accustomed to. He closed his eyes in resignation.  

"I don't..." Shinji hesitated again and turned on to his side, squeezing his eyes shut to force the words out, “Kaworu, I don’t.. That can’t be true…” 

“Why not?”  

Kaworu didn’t sound upset or disappointed, just curious, but it still caused a small spark of irritation to burst in Shinji's chest; only for it to fizzle out just as quickly as it had came. Shinji wanted to flip back over and ask the other boy how he couldn’t understand? It was obvious! Shinji just shook his head, eyes clenched tightly and hands fisting the covers so much they were trembling. He wasn't sure how to voice his own dissonance. Not sure he wanted to say it at all if he could. Kaworu was someone he admired, but he couldn’t believe it could go both ways.  

He was just.. Shinji. That's why not. 

Still, he hated that he was treating Kaworu this way. The other boy was trying to reach out, but Shinji couldn’t even answer his simple question. He was a coward unable to voice what it was he felt. He was scared and unconfident like he felt in practically everything he did, and the other boy didn’t deserve to deal with it. With him.  

No one did. 

It was quiet for a long stretch of time, the blood pounding in Shinji’s ears and his breath catching as he internally berated himself in his typical routine of self-loathing. Kaworu deserved so much more than to know him. How could he possibly think Shinji was his purpose? He just couldn’t believe it. Even when it seemed like there was someone there for him he still ruined it.  

He ruined everything.  

His purpose wasn't just meeting him. 

Kaworu was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong! 

The words repeated it in his head like a mantra, unaware that his shoulders were starting to shake and tears were slipping down his cheeks even with his eyes closed. When he let out the first audible sob barely loud enough to break the silence, not a moment later he heard Kaworu’s moving. Shinji sucked in a breath as he scrambled to sit up, and tried to wipe his eyes quickly before the other boy could see. While he hastened to quiet his outburst, the silver-haired boy left the bed and kneeled down on the futon with him. Kaworu reached out and grabbed Shinji's wrists to stop him from scrubbing at his eyes. When he pulled them from his face, the brunette shook his head and tried to turn away.  

"..Stop, d-don't..!" 

He could barely get the words out around the hiccups and the embarrassment was only making him cry harder. He didn’t want the other to see him like this. He hated crying in front of others, and hated it even more when it was over something like this. The tears weren't even ones of sadness, but shame and frustration, and it made the situation all the worse. 

But Kaworu was insistent despite his lackluster protests, and was able to pull his hands away from his face without much resistance. When Shinji tried to duck his head to hide, to save what little dignity he had, Kaworu released his wrists and cupped his face instead. Shinji froze, breath catching, and allowed his head to be lifted up. 

He met Kaworu's gaze through bleary eyes, his face blotchy and his sniffles breaking the quiet. Even through his tears Shinji could see the smile had disappeared from Kaworu’s face. It was the first time he had seen the other boy without it and the small frown he wore looked foreign. Kaworu didn't speak, but he silently wiped away the tears that rolled down the other boy's cheeks with his thumbs. Shinji didn't speak either, a bit paralyzed at the warmth of Kaworu’s hands and his inability to explain why he was crying.  

Kaworu had only asked him a simple question, but it had triggered a floodgate of emotion within him. It'd been building ever since he'd first met the silver-haired boy and was now finally overflowing. The feelings were foreign, new, and overwhelming which meant they terrified him to no end. It was hard enough coming to terms with the fact that there was a boy who was not only interested in him, but one who actually seemed to enjoy his presence. Not only that, but supposedly the reason for his existence? That was something far too much for him to bear. 

There was so much that Shinji wanted to say, but instead he could only sit there and let the other boy's gentle hands wipe his face. Kaworu's touch was comforting, far more than he felt he deserved, his fingers lightly brushing his cheeks in an almost affectionate way. Their knees brushed each others and their bodies were close enough Shinji could smell the soap they’d used at the bathhouse. The brunette kept his eyes closed and unsuccessfully tried to stifle any hiccups that tried to escape. He was embarrassed and frustrated and his head was swimming with unidentifiable emotions, but the other boy remained quiet and simply kept brushing the pads of his thumbs along his cheekbones. 

"...I'm sorry." 

Shinji whispered the words into the silence. His throat hurt and his head was throbbing, but he didn't know what else he could do or say. He was sorry for a lot of things. Sorry for ruining the night. Sorry for not being strong enough or confident enough. Sorry for not knowing how to respond. For not deserving any of the sweet words Kaworu spoke or being on the receiving end of his kindness. 

"I'm sorry.. I'm s-sorry, Kaworu.." 

He was crying again, but this time not nearly as hard. Still, he was ashamed and embarrassed and wished desperately that he had the strength and ability to do anything right. His breath hitched and the tears rolled down his face, but he was unable to bring himself to lift his hands and stop the other boy from brushing them away. It was quiet between them aside from the occasional sniffle or hiccup, and Kaworu didn't remove his hands until his tears slowed.  

"You don't need to apologize." 

When Shinji found the courage to open his eyes again to look at him, he saw the other boy was smiling once again. It was a small smile, a little sad and a bit wistful, but genuine nonetheless.  

“I had a feeling you wouldn’t believe me,” He admitted softly, still with that melancholy smile.  

Shinji's eyes widened and he felt his chest tightening to the point it physically hurt. Hearing Kaworu admit he'd expected him to push him away, had already prepared for it, left Shinji feeling nauseous. The last thing he had wanted to do was hurt Kaworu, but he couldn't even do that right. He couldn't do anything right. 

A fresh wave of tears welled up in his eyes and began falling. Shinji bit his trembling lip and tried to turn away, but Kaworu moved his hands back to his face to stop him from moving away, tilting his own head to the side as he looked at him. 

"But I want you to Shinji,” He continued earnestly. The brunette stopped fighting him, his gaze locked on Kaworu's as the words settled between them. "Will you let me convince you?” 

Shinji looked at him slightly surprised and partly confused. He wasn’t sure how Kaworu could make him believe, but he could admit he didn’t want to deny him again. Shinji may have hated himself, but he didn’t want to disappoint Kaworu. He looked away as he considered it, and the tight feeling in his chest wanted a little when he nodded once, knowing his voice was useless now from his tears. Kaworu didn’t say anything else as he closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together in a kiss. 

The brush of Kaworu's lips was light, but Shinji's initial reaction was to pull away. That thought disappeared almost instantly as Kaworu's lips pressed against his a little firmer and warmed him from the inside out. Kaworu’s hands gently shifted to better cup his cheeks, holding him in place, and his thumbs brushing along the skin soothingly. Shinji's mind blanked as everything inside him suddenly felt warm and still. Kaworu pulled back slowly, giving the brunette plenty of time to adjust before he kissed him again. A tiny breath left him as his lips parted willingly at the second kiss, and Kaworu responded with as much care as before keeping his movements slow and gentle. Physically kissing Kaworu felt no different than kissing Asuka, but unlike the anxiety, fear, and confusion that had ripped through his mind like dulled scissors through paper with her, kissing the other boy felt good. He felt.. Safe. His thoughts felt clearer, and the tense feeling inside of him had eased. His heartbeat fluttered softly and a warm wave that felt like relief seemed to pass through him.  

The silver-haired boy didn’t push to do anything more, his hands simply caressing Shinji’s cheeks at the most, and the silence around them was still and comforting instead of deafening. The moment felt as fragile as glass and just as delicate, but Shinji didn't find himself anticipating when that glass would shatter. There was no longer an inevitable to his mind and no dread following his quiet thoughts. He sank into the moment, focusing only on the feeling of Kaworu's lips against his own; coaxing, but not forceful. 

After a while the soft tentative kisses became a little less chaste, the hand holding Shinji's cheek sliding up to cup the back of his neck as their lips parted further. They shared breath for a few moments and then their mouths met again. Shinji wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but Kaworu was leading him in a gentle dance that required nothing more than his own willingness.  

Kaworu hummed softly before pulling away, and Shinji just barely felt himself following. The brunette rubbed his eyes and blinked as he tried to get rid of the misty wetness that lingered. Looking up at Kaworu, Shinji knew his face was red from the heat he felt across it, but some strange part of him was satisfied to see Kaworu’s cheeks were flushed pink and he looked a bit dazed as he hovered in the inch of space between them. 

“...Did that convince you?”  

Shinji simply stared at him, unsure why it felt as if he was seeing the other boy entirely differently. When he had first met Kaworu, Shinji had thought his red eyes were piercing and almost omnipresent. Like he could look at you and understand your entire being without speaking a single word. Shinji still thought that. Now that omnipresent gaze stared back at him with a depth of feeling he could no longer be in denial about, and all he could think was how beautiful Kaworu was when he smiled. Shinji didn’t realize he’d been subtly leaning forward, making Kaworu’s smile grow a bit wider as he stopped the brunette’s movement by leaning forward so their foreheads pressed against each other.  

“Shinji~?” He asked, the lilt in his question an obvious tease. 

Still wobbling between the line of disbelief and acceptance, and the phantom feel of Kaworu’s lips on his, Shinji didn’t register the other boy's question until seconds later. His blush intensified and reached his ears, but he couldn't seem to make himself move away from the other boy. It was more so a feeling that he didn’t want to at all. 

“I.. I don’t know,” Shinji mumbled honestly, “I’ve kissed someone before. But it.. It wasn’t like this..." Admitting his failed first kiss made what little euphoria he felt wane. He dropped his eyes to his hands in shame. “She hated it.. She only did it because she was bored..."  

Kaworu merely hummed, watching Shinji for a few moments, his expression still soft. “I’m glad you were my first kiss Shinji. And you already know how I feel about you.” Kaworu chuckled a bit, “Did you like it?” 

Shinji's eyes lifted and widened a bit in surprise. He was Kaworu's first kiss..? 

The thought made something inside him oddly bubble and foam and what an unfamiliar feeling it was. He lowered his eyes at first, if only to hide to the unfamiliar, unbidden smile that was trying to pull at his lips, but looked up again from underneath his lashes. The silver-haired boy looked amused at his reaction if the playful smirk he wore told him anything. Shinji still didn't feel confident in expressing how he felt, but he decided to try anyway.  

“I liked it,” He admitted shyly. His voice lowered again. "I really liked it..." 

Since he'd kissed him, Kaworu hadn't removed his hand from the back of Shinji’s neck and his fingers trailed there now, his fingertips cool despite the warmth of his body and achingly gentle. He let out a pleased hum in response and drew closer again. Close enough that Shinji's eyes widened when their lips just barely brushed each other's. Kaworu's eyes were half-lidded and the fingers at the back of his neck moved again, slipping through the hair at his nape and trailing up. The feeling sent tingles down his spine, but Shinji was distracted by the sudden proximity of their lips again. 

"Can I do it again, Shinji?" He asked, and Shinji swallowed hard at the husky edge to Kaworu's voice, "Can I try and convince you more of my sincerity?" 

Shinji knew Kaworu would pull away if he said no, but that small part from earlier had significantly grown; curious and overpowering to the point Shinji could admit that he didn’t want him to. The way Kaworu made him feel was more than he felt he deserved, but he wanted more. He wanted to feel the sensation of Kaworu against him again, stealing his breath and returning it in a sigh of bliss. The bright, rapid fluttering of his heart felt like nothing he’d ever experienced before. It made him forget everything and replaced the world with nothing except the two of them.  

It was as if for once in his life, his entire being was in agreement: he desperately wanted to believe Kaworu. 

Shinji could see it in his eyes now, a hint of apprehension and bated hope. He could feel the lightness in Kaworu's touch as if ready to move back the second Shinji turned him away. Once he realized this, Shinji's hesitation vanished in a single word.  

"Please." 

When Kaworu smiled then, his eyes crinkling at the corners and a tiny giggle escaping his lips, Shinji had no way to describe it other than radiant. He could see the honest adoration reflected in his eyes, and for the first time in a long time, Shinji smiled in return. It was a small one, but it was genuine and his heart leaped as the other boy closed the space between them once more. 

Shinji had no idea if the other boy was aware of how much he was trembling, but the fingers in his hair curled soothingly, and he let his eyes slip closed again. It was easier to lose himself to the sensations with his sight gone, and when Kaworu tilted his head slightly so their lips could slot together, Shinji felt his breath catch. The kiss was no different from the last, but his heart pounded as if it was the first time all over again. He tried to follow along as the other boy tilted his head and their lips pressed together more firmly. Shinji involuntarily reached his hands up to Kaworu’s shoulders when he felt himself falling backwards, but the shock of contact made him jump and pull away, breaking their kiss in the process. 

“I’m sorry—” 

Shinji's breath was stolen when Kaworu silenced him with another kiss, not breaking it even as he lifted Shinji's arms to wrap around his shoulders once again. Only when the brunette relaxed did the other boy pull away. 

“Don’t ever apologize for touching me Shinji,” Kaworu told him softly, “I want you to.” 

Shinji couldn’t reply as the other boy initiated their kiss again, his hands traveling to Shinji’s waist to pull him closer. This time their chests touched, and Shinji could feel the rise and fall of Kaworu's chest against his. His heart was thudding heavily and nearly in sync with his own. Shinji felt a brief flash of anxiety at being so close, but the warmth of the other boy was too comforting and he felt too safe to feel like he was trapped. His first kiss had terrified him. His second with Kaworu had terrified him for a moment before melting him entirely. Kissing him now for a third time was an experience that was all its own.  

Shinji's chest felt tight, but unlike when he was usually afraid or panicking, this tightness felt good. It burned in his chest and was intensified by the sound of his heart pounding rapidly in his ears. Every new sensation was foreign, but Kaworu was too gentle to incite any fear. The way Kaworu's warmth bled into him through the thinness of his shirt, the slight hitch of his breath when Shinji's arms wrapped tighter around his shoulders, and the faint, sweet taste that was left behind every time they parted just long enough to catch a breath... All of it was intoxicating, and Shinji was rapidly becoming addicted. Something hot was flooding throughout him entirely and Shinji knew it was only because of Kaworu. 

The feelings were intense, but Shinji could still feel the hesitation in Kaworu's movements. Even now he was waiting for his rejection. Shinji felt something inside him twist at the thought. He wanted to prove to Kaworu that he wanted this as much as he did. A strange feeling of impatience came to the forefront and Shinji didn't know why, but suddenly the way their lips were moving together wasn't enough. He wasn't sure what to do about it, but one thing was clear to him though. 

Shinji pulled away from their kiss and Kaworu did as well, the question in his eyes obvious. The other boy's gaze was searching and his breath was uneven, but his hands were still on Shinji's hips, not pulling away. 

"Shinji, do you—" 

“I’m not afraid Kaworu.” 

The silver-haired boy's eyes were still searching, but a tiny, surprised smile had formed. "What do you mean Shinji?" 

The younger boy removed his arms from around Kaworu’s neck and shakily used one hand to cup his cheek. Kaworu met him halfway, lifting his own hand to press Shinji’s palm against his lips in a soft kiss. The action went straight to Shinji’s heart and it felt like the reassurance he needed to speak. He let out a shaky breath, fear taking a backseat to desire when he accepted what he wanted. The only way he’d get it was if he told Kaworu himself. 

“I’m not afraid of you Kaworu,” He admitted, “I don’t want to be so please.. Please…” 

Please, give me more. 

Shinji watched Kaworu's expression drastically change and the feeling it incited was the strangest combination of exhilaration and anxiety. Arousal and attraction was not a feeling he was unfamiliar with, but the intensity with which his body reacted was startling. Kaworu's eyes were smoldering, the redness taking on an even deeper hue, and Shinji felt himself blush under his heated gaze. 

“Do you trust me Shinji?” Kaworu asked, stroking upwards a path of heat from his shoulder and neck to cup his cheek, “I need to hear you say it so I know you’re sure.” 

Shinji still nodded, his skin heating up rapidly from where Kaworu’s hand was caressing him. The feeling in his body felt different than before; warm but also electric. It almost felt.. desperate. There was no way he could deny these feelings anymore. 

“I trust you Kaworu.”  

He felt his heart leap again at the smile that bloomed on the other boy's lips. It happened so fast when Kaworu kissed him again, his movements far more intense than before. He didn't even realize he was kissing Kaworu back until his mouth parted against his. Shinji let out a small noise of surprise that was quickly swallowed up when Kaworu’s tongue swirled against his, the heat instantly making him lightheaded. Kaworu’s hands dropped down to Shinji’s waist to pull him flush against him, his hands brushing against the strips of skin that were exposed from where his shirt was riding up. Kaworu’s fingers pressed into his skin like hot brands that sent sparks spreading across his hips and lower abdomen. 

There was an intensity to Kaworu's movements that hadn’t been there before, and it was impossible for Shinji to not feel the same need. His skin tingled everywhere Kaworu touched, and his entire body felt flushed, heated, and alive. He was overwhelmed, but with a startling realization still desperately wanted more. He whimpered into Kaworu’s mouth, the range of new feelings twisting through him like a dark current, and felt helpless as he drowned in sensations he couldn't control. He could feel his arousal growing, his heart thudding uncontrollably in his chest as Kaworu kissed him deeper and harder, his tongue intertwining with the brunette's over and over again. 

Shinji let out a sharp, surprised gasp when Kaworu suddenly grabbed the back of his thighs and pulled him up to his knees. The brunette had to tilt his head down to keep their lips locked, but the new position gave him the perfect angle to fully run his fingers through Kaworu's hair. It was just as soft as he thought it'd be, and the strands slipped easily between his fingers. The action made Kaworu's grip tighten on his legs and pull him even closer until the brunette was seated and fully straddling him.  

The tension in his body built up further, and in this position Shinji had no doubt Kaworu could feel the hard-on of his arousal, but it was either the fact that he could feel Kaworu's just the same or the overwhelming attack to his senses that he couldn’t feel embarrassed. 

Shinji broke their kiss, letting out a shocked moan into Kaworu’s ear when the other rolled his hips below him, causing friction in a way Shinji hadn’t known was possible. The heat in his core increased tenfold, the pressure building relentlessly. Shinji shuddered, his toes curling with the sudden surge of pleasure. Keeping up his ministrations, Kaworu drew a slew of short moans that had Shinji involuntarily tightening his fingers into Kaworu’s silvery locks. 

“K-Kaworu..! Ah!” 

Kaworu let out his own stuttered gasp as Shinji unwittingly pulled his hair, sending a wave of heat through his body. He lowered his head to the junction of Shinji’s neck, his warm breath against his skin heating the other up further, and the brunette gasped as Kaworu's wet tongue slid over his rapid pulse. The sound quickly turned into a low whine when the other boy started sucking at the skin and leaving marks that were sure to redden and bruise. 

Kaworu's name escaped his lips again as the other boy continued rolling his hips, creating the same delicious friction that had Shinji's legs shaking and his entire body aching for more. His skin was prickling all over and every inch of him was burning. A part of him was embarrassed by the noises he was making, but a stronger part couldn’t find the strength to stop. Every time Kaworu touched him, kissed him, or rolled his hips against him, the pleasure that filled him drowned out any hesitance. 

Kaworu released his neck after a moment, the wet spot cooling in the air and causing the brunette to shudder. Shinji bit hard on his lip when the other boy moved to the other side of his neck and repeated the process. Shinji moaned again, his grip tightening in Kaworu's hair. It was the only thing keeping him grounded as he tried to steady himself under the waves of pleasure. Kaworu had slowed a bit, trading the quick rhythm of his hips for a more leisurely pace, but it was no less maddening. With his thorough attention to the brunette's neck the sensations were heightened. Every time Shinji tried to steady his breathing or hold back his sounds, Kaworu would grind against him and the heat in his belly would surge, forcing out another sound from his lips. Shinji didn't know he could sound so wanton, but he didn't have much room for coherent thought to consider being embarrassed. 

"It's okay, Shinji," Kaworu breathed against his neck. The silver-haired boy nipped at the skin, soothing the sting with his tongue and causing Shinji's breath to stutter in his throat, "You don't have to hide how you feel. I want to hear you. Let me hear you." 

Shinji's cock jerked against his thigh as a particularly pleasurable spark ran down his spine when Kaworu rolled his hips upwards and sucked hard on a patch of skin on his neck, and a cry slipped past his lips. His grip in Kaworu's hair tightened again, but the other didn't seem to mind. If the low moan that followed was any indication, Shinji guessed he enjoyed it. 

"Ka.. Kaworu..." 

The silver-haired boy finished marking the other side of his neck and slowly moved his kisses upward from his neck to his chin and back to his lips, smiling at the brunette's dazed expression and flushed cheeks.  

Kaworu wished Shinji could see himself from his perspective. His pupils were blown, his lips red and slightly swollen, and his breathing was labored. The blush on his cheeks extended down his neck and to the tips of his ears, and his hair was tousled from where Kaworu had run his hands through it. He had never seen the other boy look so open and vulnerable, and yet the trust he had placed in him made him feel a happiness unlike any other. 

“I love the way you say my name Shinji..” Kaworu told him breathlessly, smiling softly, "It makes me so happy."  

Shinji looked down at him, his eyes glossy and a few tears budding at the corners, but when he saw the adoring gaze Kaworu was watching him with that was all it took for him to lean forward, connecting their lips again, and kissing him deeply. Kaworu's eyes widened in surprise. The brunette was still trembling and the motions were a bit unpracticed, but Shinji was kissing him and that alone made Kaworu's heart soar. It wasn't that the brunette hadn't given any signs of his feelings before this point; Kaworu was more than aware that the boy had been interested in him since the moment they had met near that lakeside. The way the brunette's eyes had widened and his cheeks had flushed when he first spoke to him had enamored Kaworu far more than he had expected. His response to him had been so immediate, but he had always held back. Kaworu had decided then and there he wanted to erase the hesitancy and pain in the other boy's heart, and experience the type of affection only Shinji could give him. 

He would have left Shinji alone if he had truly been afraid of him, but the thought of losing him by not acting on his feelings had hurt more than the idea of never experiencing something so beautiful. Kaworu had anticipated the high possibility that Shinji would reject him for any number of reasons that obviously plagued him, but in the end Shinji had accepted him. He'd cast aside his fear just for him and that made Kaworu want to show Shinji just how much he cared about him in return. 

Kaworu broke their kiss and turned them over so the other boy was under him and splayed out on the now messy futon. His dark blue eyes widened with surprise and a bit of apprehension at the sudden change, but not fear.  

Kaworu leaned down and kissed him softly once more, smiling into it as Shinji reciprocated. The other boy had said himself he trusted him, and Kaworu wanted to see how far that trust went. With their kisses still lingering, Kaworu slipped one hand down Shinji's torso, running his fingertips over his chest. A soft noise escaped him when Kaworu's hands trailed and brushed against the hem of his shirt; not taking it off but instead pushing it up just enough to expose his stomach. He broke the kiss with Shinji to get a better look at him.  

His skin was smooth and warm under his fingers, a flush spreading over his stomach and tensing as Kaworu stroked over his abdomen. He didn't have a defined six-pack but he was toned, something Kaworu found attractive. He had a slender figure, but there was an undeniable softness to his form that asked for Kaworu to touch and caress. Kaworu did just that, sliding his hand back down his torso, appreciating the contrast of his paler skin against the brunette's warmer complexion. He discovered three moles in a constellation just under his ribs and couldn't resist dipping his head down to press kisses to them. Shinji's hands came up to his shoulders, but he didn't push him away. 

"Ah, Kaworu... That tickles," Shinji breathed shakily, "What're you doing?" 

"Appreciating you," Kaworu said honestly, lifting his head again and smiling, "You're so beautiful, Shinji.. You've captivated me entirely." 

Shinji shivered at the words, his heart beating wildly in his chest as he looked at him with a mixed expression of awe and disbelief. It wasn't a lie or empty praise; he could see the sincerity in Kaworu's eyes. He immediately wanted to hear Kaworu say those things once more. No one had ever complimented him in such a way and the feeling that rose within him was something he couldn't name. Shinji didn't know how to respond, but his eyes teared up a bit as his heart clenched deep in his chest. 

Sensing the vulnerability of his emotions, Kaworu smiled wider and kissed him again, and at the same time his hand slipped across his stomach and up towards his chest. He pushed Shinji's shirt up further exposing his bare chest. Shinji trembled minutely underneath him, but the small sigh that left him let the silver-haired boy know it wasn't because he was afraid. He was still apprehensive, but his desire for this was still far greater. Once again he was pushing past his fears and Kaworu just had to reward him for his courage. He smiled at the obvious press of the other boy's arousal against his pajama pants, but he wouldn't do anything about that just yet. 

"I thought as much before you know.. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable in the bath so I didn't look, but..." 

Kaworu let his lips wander down to the side of his neck again, leaving a trail of soft kisses that had Shinji arching upwards, a shaky sigh escaping his parted lips. 

"I couldn't help wanting to touch you then either," Kaworu confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. His fingers stroked over Shinji's skin, the pads of his fingers tracing patterns from the top of his ribs to the middle of his stomach, and the light touches made the other boy shiver. "I'm so happy you've given me this chance. I won't make you regret it, Shinji." 

The brunette swallowed, his cheeks growing impossibly hotter. Hearing Kaworu speak like this was putting so many of the things he'd said and done previously into a new context. It was even harder for his denial to push its way to the forefront when he realized just how obvious the other boy's interest in him had been. The only difference was that Shinji had been too scared to acknowledge what the strange feeling was when Kaworu's eyes were on him or why he blushed any time the other boy smiled or touched him. It was so easy to see now. 

"I believe you," Shinji breathed, the words leaving his lips before he had a chance to think about it. Kaworu smiled as his hand slid upwards and cupped the side of Shinji's face, his thumb stroking gently. The other boy leaned into the touch and Kaworu tilted his head back down, initiating another kiss that the brunette immediately returned. Shinji's fingers were shaking when they came up to cup the back of Kaworu's neck, his body heating up as the other boy kissed him and trailed his free hand over his torso, his palm pressing into his skin and making his heart beat faster. Kaworu's hand slid further up, stopping just under his pectorals. 

"Can I touch your chest Shinji? Is that okay?" 

Shinji nodded wordlessly and his breath caught in his throat as Kaworu's fingers began to roam over him, tracing his muscles and the dip in his collarbone. He closed his eyes tightly when Kaworu's fingers brushed his nipples, sending a warm shudder through him. His stomach muscles clenched, a low moan escaping his lips.  

"Hah..." 

Shinji's breathing grew heavier at the teasing stimulation. He hadn't realized just how sensitive his chest could feel until now. Kaworu's fingers were gentle and cool as he stroked his chest and rubbed his thumbs over his nipples. His skin tingled where his touch was, and his nipples hardened under Kaworu's ministrations. He made a noise louder than he intended when Kaworu twisted them gently, his cock twitching in his pants and straining against the fabric. His eyes were tightly shut but his body was arching into Kaworu's touch. His face was impossibly red and Shinji struggled to keep his breathing steady as Kaworu continued to pleasure him. 

"Does this feel good?" Kaworu asked him softly, his own voice a bit breathless. 

Shinji nodded, a soft whine escaping his lips when Kaworu pinched his nipple, sending another jolt of heat straight down his abdomen. "Kaworu.. That's... It's.." 

"Mhmm.." Kaworu hummed against his neck, kissing and sucking at his pulse. His breath ghosted over the wetness and he smirked when Shinji trembled beneath him, "You can tell me how you feel Shinji. Don't hold back." 

The silver-haired boy lowered his head again, his breath warming the space between Shinji's collarbone and shoulder before his tongue traced over his skin. At the same time his fingers tweaked and rolled his nipples, sending a strong shudder through Shinji. The sensation of Kaworu's warm mouth and tongue, combined with the slight pain of the twists and pulls at his chest was so good, and Shinji's breathing hitched at the alternating waves of pleasure that followed. 

"I'm going to try something that you might like," Kaworu murmured, "If you don't, just tell me and I'll stop." 

Shinji nodded in understanding, letting out a soft noise of content when Kaworu kissed him briefly. His thumb stroked over Shinji's nipple once more before he bent down and broadly swiped his tongue over the hard nub. The brunette gasped, the heat from his tongue making his skin prickle. When Kaworu pulled back, he licked his lips lovingly before latching on completely, sucking gently, licking and swirling with his tongue, making Shinji squirm beneath him. His other hand continued to press and tease the other one, and once Shinji was panting loudly, he switched, giving the other just as much attention. With each stroke of his tongue came a puff of hot breath that had Shinji trembling. He couldn't keep his hands from burying themselves in Kaworu's hair and pulling him closer, wincing when he felt the other boy bite down gently. 

"Kaworu..." Shinji groaned, his voice hoarse. He sounded completely different to his own ears; lower and rougher than his usual tone. Kaworu's eyes met his own when he lifted his head, his lips curved up in a smile, and his gaze was heated.  

"So cute Shinji..." Kaworu purred, head resting gently on his chest. Under Kaworu's mouth Shinji's nipples were swollen a deep pink and erect, begging for more attention. Kaworu gave them just that, flicking his tongue and rubbing them with his thumb gently. He was careful not to go too hard knowing the other was already overly sensitive and stimulated. Even so the noises Shinji made were beautiful and they made Kaworu want him even more. The silver-haired boy left his chest to kiss Shinji again, their bodies pressed together and the evidence of their shared arousal grinding against one another. They moaned in unison, and Kaworu had to break their kiss so he could catch his breath. Shinji followed his mouth, and the other chuckled, kissing his chin, jaw, and cheek. 

"Shinji..." Kaworu whispered, his own breathing heavy. He looked into Shinji's eyes, his hand reaching up to cup his face. His thumb stroked over his flushed cheek and he smiled when Shinji's eyes fluttered shut, the other leaning into his touch. His nervous tremors had ceased, and his hands rested comfortably against the sides of his arms. Kaworu was glad that his actions were no longer making the other boy so nervous, but he wanted Shinji to be able to show his own feelings and desires as well.  

Kaworu leaned down and pressed his lips against the other boy’s ear, whispering softly. "Do you want to touch me too?" 

Shinji's eyes opened to meet his in surprise before immediately falling away. His hands twitched against the other boy's arms for a moment before he let out a shaky breath.  

Don't touch him, he'll hate it... He'll hate you... He'll abandon you too... You'll never be able to be close to someone... It's all hopeless... 

Every time he desired to do something a chorus of voices always echoed like a cacophony in his head. They screamed and berated him unendingly, and the more he wanted, the louder they grew. The pain of rejection, abandonment, and loneliness had become a part of him and were etched so deeply into his heart that they couldn't be removed, but with Kaworu holding him, a small voice broke through the noise. One he hadn't heard in a long time. 

Even if I'm not good enough, I want to touch him. I want to feel Kaworu, and I want him to feel good because of me too. I... 

"Yes... I-I want to..." 

Shinji swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes lifting to Kaworu's. His heart was thudding hard in his chest, but he was no longer afraid. There was a strength that came from his feelings for the other boy that was more powerful than any fear or uncertainty. It was the strength to fight his doubts and insecurities, and reach out for the things he really wanted. He pressed a hand to Kaworu's chest, his fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. He kept his gaze locked with the other boy's and he could tell by the way Kaworu looked at him that the other was surprised. However there was something else in his expression that he couldn't name. It was intense but gentle, and the affection that shone in his crimson eyes had his heart pounding harder. 

Kaworu covered his hand with his own, guiding it upwards until the fabric was bunched under his fingers, but before Shinji realized, Kaworu suddenly flipped them over again. He let out a surprise yelp and opened his eyes to find he was straddling the other boy's waist and his hands were pressed against Kaworu's chest to keep from falling. Kaworu gave an amused smile at his stunned expression and grabbed one of his hands, kissing it gently.  

"Touch me anywhere you want." Kaworu murmured, looking up at Shinji with an encouraging smile, "I'm in your care." 

Shinji immediately flushed under the sudden attention, once again unsure of himself. He'd already admitted that he wanted to touch Kaworu and the other boy seemed to welcome the idea, but actually putting it into practice was an entirely different story. He wanted to give Kaworu what he wanted, but he wasn't sure if he was capable. It was easier for him to focus on what Kaworu did and just follow his lead, but now the spotlight was on him. 

His first instinct was to pull his hands away, but Kaworu's fingers interlaced with his, and his grip held Shinji's hand against his chest. When Shinji met his eyes, he saw the encouraging smile on his lips and the understanding look in his eyes. He didn't seem upset by his hesitance or disappointed. He was just waiting. Shinji swallowed nervously and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a few deep breaths. He opened them again and met Kaworu's patient gaze. He could do this. He wanted to do this. 

His reached out hesitantly towards Kaworu, running his fingers along his chest, tracing the visible lines of his muscles even through his clothes. He trailed his fingertips down his stomach, shivering at the warmth of his body radiating through his thin shirt. He looked up to find Kaworu watching him intently and Shinji swallowed nervously. A long strip of his skin was exposed from where his shirt was lifted, and Shinji's eyes followed the path of his fingers with trepidation. 

"Is it ok?" Shinji asked uncertainly, glancing up for approval. 

"It is," Kaworu assured him, pressing another kiss to the hand he held, "Do whatever you want." 

Shinji closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe deeply, to focus on the moment and nothing else. He slowly ran his hand underneath the fabric, lifting his shirt as he caressed the warm flesh of Kaworu's stomach. His breath caught when he felt the other boy's muscles flex beneath his touch, and budding curiosity helped him push the other's shirt further up his body to reveal the pale expanse of his torso and abdomen. 

Shinji had seen him naked in the bath already, but with his fleeting, embarrassed glances he hadn't been able to properly appreciate his form. The way his chest rose and fell with each breath, the way his muscles contracted and relaxed as his own fingertips cautiously moved higher. In a similar build to him Kaworu was lean, but toned. He was slender with a subtle strength. Each line and plane of his body was defined and smooth; no hint of scarring or blemishing anywhere. Shinji could feel his heart racing in his chest, a pleasant heat burning through his veins as he took the other boy in. Kaworu's hand released his and slid down his arm, coming to rest at his elbow. He didn't pressure or urge him anywhere in particular, but the soft touch sent goosebumps across his skin. 

He was trembling by the time he reached Kaworu's chest, his fingers hesitating only briefly before he gently traced the shape of his collarbones, then slid them downward.  

"Ah.." 

The soft moan that left Kaworu's lips sent a shiver down Shinji's spine. His eyes snapped up to the other's in concern, but Kaworu was smiling. His face was flushed a light shade of pink, and his lips were parted as his chest rose and fell with his slightly labored breathing. Shinji's heart leapt and his stomach did a flip at the sight, the desire to hear Kaworu make that sound again consuming his thoughts. 

Shinji didn't look at Kaworu again as he traced his fingers over him, his face still burning with embarrassment, but he did hear him moan softly and shudder under him. He wasn't sure if what he was doing was right, but by the sounds Kaworu was making he didn't think he was doing too bad. After a bit longer, he finally looked up at the red-eyed boy with a flush. "Y-You.. You are beautiful too..." He stuttered out quietly. He'd wanted to try and give him a compliment like Kaworu had given him, but the words immediately sounded silly in his own ears. 

Even so, Kaworu's face split into a bright smile. "Thank you Shinji," he said, his voice warm, "I'm glad you think so.. Even if I don't compare to your own beauty." 

Shinji felt both pleased and shocked. He had no idea how someone as stunning as Kaworu could compare himself to him and say that he was the most beautiful, but he'd done it so earnestly that Shinji wasn't sure how to respond.  

He continued his slow inspection of Kaworu's torso wondering when he should stop. Kaworu hadn't said anything and didn't seem bothered. When he got to Kaworu's hips Shinji paused, hesitant to continue. He looked up at the older boy, his eyes wide and a bit nervous, and Kaworu smiled reassuringly. He sat up with Shinji still straddling him, and wrapping his arms around him, kissed him again. 

Shinji felt a little calmer after Kaworu kissed him, his heart beating slower and his breathing steadier. He leaned into Kaworu's embrace, closing his eyes and enjoying the gentle press of his lips.  

"Are you okay?" Kaworu asked him, smiling softly. 

"Yes.." 

"Good." Kaworu nuzzled his neck, planting kisses on his skin. Shinji shivered at the warmth of Kaworu's breath, his heart racing again as Kaworu started rubbing his hands down Shinji's sides. He whimpered softly as Kaworu's fingers traced the curves of his stomach, then slid lower, brushing against his thighs. Shinji jumped when Kaworu's fingers brushed against his erection, and the brunette tensed in embarrassment as a hesitant noise left him. 

"That's..." 

"Oh? Are you sensitive there too?" Kaworu teased, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Shinji didn't reply, too mortified to speak. Kaworu's hand rubbed the front of his pants and Shinji's eyes widened. 

"Wait, Kaworu, I... That's..." Shinji squirmed in his lap, his breath hitching.  

Kaworu smiled at Shinji, kissing his earlobe. "Mm, does it feel good?" 

Shinji couldn't bring himself to speak, so he just nodded. 

"Do you want me to stop?" Kaworu whispered, nibbling on Shinji's ear. 

Shinji shook his head, holding onto Kaworu tightly. 

"Can I touch you then Shinji?" Kaworu asked, his voice a husky murmur in Shinji's ear, "If you want me to, I'll have to hear it from you.." 

Shinji shivered as he processed what Kaworu was saying. Did he want Kaworu to touch him? Yes, but it was so embarrassing to admit. Still, after everything they'd done his body ached and his desire for Kaworu was so intense that he wanted anything and everything the silver-haired boy had to offer. 

"Yes.." Shinji answered, his voice breathless. 

Kaworu chuckled low in his throat, the sound rumbling from his chest and making Shinji's heart skip a beat. "You'll have to open your legs for me then." 

Closing his eyes again, Shinji shakily spread apart his knees, letting Kaworu get a better view of his erection. There was a wet spot on the front of his pants where he'd leaked pre-cum, and Kaworu's gaze lingered there before he moved forward. Shinji bit his lip as Kaworu ran his hands over his inner thighs, brushing lightly against them until his hand slid over Shinji's erection, stroking him gently through the fabric. It felt completely different to have someone else touching him there. Kaworu's fingers were light on him, teasing him with brief brushes of his thumb, and the brunette tried not to let his body betray him by pushing himself further into the other boy's hand. It was humiliating enough having the other boy touching him there, but it also felt so good. 

"Have you touched yourself here before?" Kaworu asked him, his voice calm and controlled despite the fact that he was still palming him. 

Shinji flushed deeply, his breathing growing uneven. His cock twitched inside his pants at the question, and he was sure Kaworu had felt it. "A few times... Every once in a while..." He mumbled out. 

"I see..." Kaworu's fingers stopped their gentle massage, and instead he was tracing delicate patterns along Shinji's inner thigh. "What do you think about when you touch yourself?" Kaworu murmured as he slid his hand up Shinji's leg, pausing at the top of his thighs to trace the seam where his legs and pelvis met. 

Shinji hadn't thought that the conversation could get any more embarrassing, but Kaworu asking him that was not what he'd been expecting. "I don't know.. I can't tell..." He whispered back, feeling his cheeks burn. 

"Tell me Shinji," Kaworu urged, his voice barely audible. 

"I'm not sure what to say..." 

"Say whatever comes to mind." Kaworu pressed his lips to Shinji's forehead, nuzzling him gently. 

"It's embarrassing..." He mumbled, "I-I can't.."  

"You can be honest with me Shinji," Kaworu promised him, his voice encouraging, "Whatever you say won't change how I feel about you." 

Shinji bit his lip and swallowed, his heart pounding so loudly that he could barely hear anything else. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying not to focus on the feel of Kaworu's fingers moving up and down his leg. 

"I think about... Being touched like this..." He whispered, looking away, "Being held and k-kissed..." 

"And what else? What do you fantasize about?" Kaworu's voice was gentle, coaxing him to speak. Shinji hesitated, swallowing thickly, but let out a shaky noise when Kaworu pressed a kiss against his jaw, "Tell me.." 

"I imagine having s-sex with someone..." He trailed off, blushing deeply, "They put their mouth on me.. And I-I sometimes.. I imagine them penetrating me, and... and coming inside..." 

"I see... You've never done that before right?" Kaworu asked. 

"N-No.." Shinji whispered, feeling embarrassed. "I've never... I've only ever thought about it.." 

Kaworu turned Shinji's face towards his, and pressed his lips against his ear, whispering quietly, "If you want to try it with me, I would love nothing more than to give you your first time Shinji..." 

The brunette trembled at those words, a wave of arousal coursing through him. He swallowed hard, feeling warm inside as Kaworu pulled back. Shinji was entranced by the way Kaworu looked at him, his expression dark and seductive. The other boy brought his hand back to Shinji's erection, and Shinji gasped at the sensation, his hips bucking as Kaworu stroked him slowly again through his pants. "I don't want you to hesitate. If you want this, you can have it." 

Shinji blinked, feeling dizzy as he stared at Kaworu, his thoughts racing. "B-But we're both boys... Isn't it.. weird?" He asked, his voice sounding strained even to his own ears. 

Kaworu's smile was soft. "You know how I feel.. I just want you to enjoy yourself Shinji, and for that to happen you can't think of others. Not even me." 

It was painfully obvious, something that was fundamentally true, but it seemed so much easier to consider when hearing it aloud from another. Shinji would always feel guilt for pleasuring himself for wanting to be penetrated or imagining himself with someone other than a girl, but the fact that Kaworu had told him it was alright to want what was in his heart made him feel a little less guilty. It made him feel.. normal. It was his choice to decide whether he wanted this or not, and he knew it wouldn't be wrong if he did. 

"I want it..." He whispered, tears misting at the corners, "I really want it..." 

"Good. Let go of all your worries and fears, and open yourself up to me. Don't hold anything back, and say what you need. It's just us here Shinji." 

The brunette looked up as Kaworu stood, and took his hand when he offered it. Squeezing it lightly, Kaworu led Shinji over to the bed, pulling down the sheets and making a space for them both. Shinji followed him and Kaworu laid him across the mattress, propping his head up with a pillow. "Do you still trust me?" Kaworu asked him, smiling softly. 

"Yes." Shinji breathed, his heart starting up its frantic rhythm again. They'd done a lot already, but this was the start of something he'd only ever dreamed about. He could feel his nerves returning, but there was excitement building inside him too. 

Kaworu got on his knees and took off his shirt in one swift movement, tossing it aside carelessly. Before Shinji could admire his bare torso, he was kissing him again and Shinji felt himself melting into his embrace. Kaworu's hands went under his sleep shirt and slid up his torso, caressing his skin. In a silent ask he pulled gently at the shirt, and Shinji lifted his arms to let him remove it completely. Shinji shivered as Kaworu ran his hand down his chest, teasing him. It was easier to feel his body heat with their bare skin touching, and he couldn't help his shivers of anticipation.  

Kaworu and his hands went lower still, and his lips parted when the silver-haired boy pressed kisses to his stomach, his tongue lingering in Shinji's navel. The brunette shuddered, his hands clenching the sheets as the silver-haired boy trailed his kisses down from his stomach until he reached the fabric of his pants. 

"Can I take these off too?" Kaworu whispered into his skin, his breath warm against him. Shinji nodded his head, his face heating up at the predator gleam in Kaworu's eyes. He smirked softly, kissing Shinji's stomach once more before pulling at the elastic of his pants and tugging them off. As Kaworu freed his erection from his pants, Shinji closed his eyes and bit his lip. This was a new level of vulnerability he didn't think was possible. Already his head was flooding with doubts and self-consciousness, wondering if his body was good enough or if Kaworu would be disappointed. He swallowed thickly, his fingers digging into the sheets.  

He couldn't believe he was letting Kaworu do this— 

Shinji jerked when Kaworu leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the tip of his cock, his eyes flying open and his face flushing. Kaworu smiled up at him in amusement, and kept his crimson gaze locked with Shinji's as he wrapped his fingers around him and used his tongue to lap at his slit, licking off the pre-cum beading there. 

"Ah, w-wait..!" Shinji's head fell back, his eyes squeezing shut as pleasure shot through him. It felt as good as he'd heard, even better than he'd imagined, and when Kaworu swirled his tongue over the head Shinji let out a soft cry, his hands fisting in the sheets. "Nnn... Kaworu..!" 

Kaworu chuckled softly, his lips brushing against the head of his cock, his voice a low rumble. "You're quite cute when you make faces like that, Shinji.. It makes me curious.. What else will you show me?" 

Shinji shuddered as Kaworu kissed the length of his cock, his eyes still clenched tightly shut. 

"K-Kaworu, p-please.." He stammered out, his voice trembling. Kaworu smiled at him, pressing a kiss against the side before slowly trailing his tongue along the full lenth of the brunette's shaft. Shinji trembled, flustering in his inablity to hide himself from the other boy. It made him feel even more embarrassed, shameful and aroused at the same time. A part of him still bucked against this, but he couldn't deny how good it felt.  

"You don't like it?" Kaworu asked teasingly, his breath warm against his skin. 

"That's..!" Shinji gasped, squirming. "That's not it.." 

"Then what is it?" Kaworu asked him, reaching down to stroke Shinji's balls and tease the base of his cock. Shinji's hips bucked at the touch, his cock throbbing eagerly and leaking more pre-cum. 

"Kaworu.. I—" 

Before the brunette could come up with an answer, Kaworu's tongue swirled around his cockhead, coating him in saliva. Kaworu hummed, sucking on the head and making Shinji cry out, his entire body tensing. Kaworu suddenly took him deeper, and the heat of Kaworu's mouth washed over him, making him groan and arch his back. A strong hand gripped his hip, holding him down and pressing his hips to the bed, and Kaworu was bobbing his head, swirling his tongue around him and sucking hard. 

"Oh.. Oh g-god..!"  

Shinji couldn't think, couldn't focus on anything but the pleasure. It was nothing like he'd ever imagined. The small wash of euphoria he got after masturbating on his own felt nothing like this rolling wave of pleasure that curled through him, tightening his stomach and making his toes curl. It was like Kaworu knew exactly what to do to rip all rational thoughts from his mind and reduce him to a mess of gasps and moans. His lips moved expertly over him while one hand held him down and the other was massaging the skin behind his balls. He hadn't even known something like that would feel so good, but the combination of it with the sensations coming from his cock was making him lightheaded. 

Shinji whimpered, opening his eyes to look at the other. The sight of Kaworu's silver head of hair between his legs, shimmering in the moonlight with his mouth wet and glistening as he sucked on his cock was so erotic that Shinji couldn't stop himself from thrusting up, the desire to feel more of the pleasure overwhelming him. He didn't register when he reached a shaking hand down, burying his fingers into Kaworu's hair, trying to guide him closer and deeper. Kaworu had been watching him the entire time, his red eyes bright with what Shinji could only describe as hunger and when he felt Shinji's hand in his hair he reached up and covered it with his own, holding it against his scalp.  

Kaworu moved down further, letting his cock press against the roof of his mouth, sliding against his palate. Shinji's breath hitched as he felt his cock slide down the other boy's throat, his cock hitting the back. His whole body jerked and a strangled moan left him, and he tugged at Kaworu's hair. He felt Kaworu swallow around him and he let out a strangled cry, his hips moving on their own. 

"Aaah..! Kaworu..!" 

He'd never thought his voice could sound like that, breathy and desperate, but he no longer had the capacity to be embarrassed. Not with the way Kaworu was swallowing around him, making him see stars. Shinji cried out, able to feel the pressure rapidly building in his belly, his heart pounding wildly as his blood rushed. He was getting close and he couldn't control the way his body moved anymore. His thighs started quivering, and a tell tale tingle was shooting up his spine. Shinji's eyes flew open, looking down at Kaworu with alarm. 

"K-Kaworu..!" He moaned between pants, "I'm.. I'm close! Wait, I-I'm about.. t-to—!" 

Kaworu didn't slow or stop, his movements growing more intense as he continued to deep throat him and the vibrations of his throat pushed him over the edge. A broken cry left Shinji as his vision whited out and he came hard, his body shuddering violently as his orgasm crashed over him, spurting ropes of cum into Kaworu's eager mouth. Instead of pulling off, Kaworu swallowed everything he was given, moaning softly as Shinji's release filled his mouth. The sounds he made sounded like he was enjoying himself, and when Shinji opened his eyes, Kaworu was sucking on the head of his cock, lapping at the last few drops of his cum and humming contentedly. 

"Kaworu..." Shinji began, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." 

Kaworu licked his lips and looked up, smiling as he pulled away from Shinji's softening cock. "Don't apologize. It was wonderful. I've never tasted anything like you before, Shinji." 

The other boy blushed, closing his legs as Kaworu sat up and crawled forward. The brunette's gaze immediately fell to the bulge straining against the front of his pants, and the red-eyed boy chuckled when Shinji's blush deepened. He leaned down and captured Shinji's lips and the brunette's eyes fluttered shut, able to taste himself on the other boy's tongue. Shinji wrapped his arms around the other boy's neck and let out a breathy moan, arching up against him. It was starkly foreign how blissful his body felt, every nerve alive and sensitive; especially after his climax. Kaworu's touches were gentle, and he kissed him deeply and unhurriedly. There was no rush or need for release; it was just them and the warmth that filled his chest whenever Kaworu looked at him. 

"What a lovely sight," Kaworu whispered, his crimson eyes half-lidded and smoldering, "Seeing you like this makes me want to give you more." 

Shinji shivered at his words, a thrill shooting through him. Kaworu was still hard, and the thought that his pleasure was still unfulfilled was enough to make him want more too.  

"You said you would..." Shinji trailed off, still feeling a little awkward saying it out loud. 

Kaworu smiled knowingly, his eyes dancing with amusement. Shinji watched as he pulled away and reached for something, and the brunette blushed deeply when Kaworu brought a bottle of lube back with him. The question of why he already had some on hand was lost to the haze of his arousal, and he swallowed thickly, anticipation curling low in his belly.  

"We can stop anytime you need; just tell me. However this will make things easier for us," Kaworu told him. He popped open the top and poured some into his hand. The other boy massaged it on his fingers to warm it up, and Shinji watched as the liquid glistened under the dim light. 

Leaning over Shinji he smiled. "I'll have to prep you before I can enter you. Are you ready for me to begin?"  

"Yes..." Shinji nodded, biting his lower lip. 

Kaworu chuckled, kissing him softly. "Try to stay relaxed. It may hurt a bit at first, but I'll be gentle." 

"Okay," Shinji said, his voice barely above a whisper. He spread his legs once more at Kaworu's guidance, and kept his eyes open as he laid his head back on the pillow. His body tensed when he felt a slick finger circling his entrance, and the brunette tried to keep his breathing even. 

"Remember to relax, Shinji," Kaworu murmured. 

"I-I am," Shinji lied, his body quivering slightly. He couldn't help the tension, and when he felt Kaworu's finger pressing inside him his breath caught, a whimper leaving him. It was warm, but foreign as Kaworu's finger slowly pushed past the tight ring of muscle. Shinji gasped softly, his eyes widening as a wave of sensations rolled over him the further Kaworu's finger sunk inside him. His body was tight around him, the pressure making his heart rate quicken and he tensed up when Kaworu began to move his finger, his walls clenching around him. 

"Relax~" Kaworu whispered, kissing his neck. Shinji whimpered quietly, listening to Kaworu's quiet murmurings. "You're doing good Shinji. Just focus on your breathing..." 

"I-I'm trying," Shinji said softly, his voice a bit strained, "It's weird.."  

"Just a little more.." Kaworu murmured. 

Kaworu's finger was starting to thrust inside him, the feeling strange, but after a few moments Shinji could feel his body was reacting positively. He could feel his arousal rising once more, soft hums of pleasure slowly beginning to outweigh the discomfort. He was starting to feel warm, and his cheeks flushed while his breath grew shallow. 

"A-Ah... That's..." Shinji panted. Kaworu slid his finger out then curled it back inside. Shinji gasped, his hips buckling as he felt a stronger rush of pleasure run through him. He clenched his fists to try and keep himself from trembling too hard, and his legs closed around Kaworu's arm. The other boy chuckled and pressed another kiss against his jaw. 

"Shh..." Kaworu hushed him and Shinji trembled as his other hand cupped his cheek. He blinked through teary eyes, looking up at Kaworu. His face was flushed, his cheeks and chest pinked in the cutest way, and small whimpers were escaping him with every breath. His hair was fanned out against the pillow and his pupils blown out from the pleasure. Kaworu smiled at him tenderly and pressed a kiss against his forehead, Shinji's eyes closing and a shaky sigh escaping him. 

"I'm going to add another now Shinji. Is that alright?" 

Shinji nodded his head, unable to form words. He let his legs fall open again, and he whimpered as Kaworu withdrew his finger, leaving him feeling oddly empty. The silver-haired boy coated his fingers in lube once more and slowly pushed two of his fingers inside him. Shinji tensed up again, and he could feel his insides stretching around him. 

"Shh..." Kaworu murmured soothingly, his voice a low whisper. He continued to pump his fingers, scissoring them to loosen him up and Shinji bit his lip. 

"Ah, Kaworu..!" Shinji moaned, his hands reaching up to clutch at Kaworu's arms. Kaworu adjusted and held him under his arms to better hold him still. The silver-haired boy kissed his jaw and neck while he pumped his fingers faster. Shinji's legs were tightened around his arm, but it didn't bother Kaworu as he kept his fingers moving inside him. His erection was steadily coming back, and the feeling of his body stretching around Kaworu's fingers was a new sensation that made his arousal burn hotter. His hands moved down Kaworu's arms, his fingers digging into his biceps to steady himself. He couldn't believe how good it felt, how the slight pain was making him harder, or how much his body seemed to crave more. 

Kaworu kissed him gently, and his breath was shaky against his lips. "Does this feel good? I can tell by the sounds you're making that you're enjoying yourself.. Your moans are so lovely, Shinji.." 

Shinji blushed at his words, his eyes closing and a soft whimper leaving him as he heard the lewd sounds of Kaworu's fingers thrusting inside him. He could tell it was easier for him to slide inside, his walls less resistant and more slick. Kaworu kept curling his fingers inside him, and it wasn't long before Shinji cried out, a deep throb of pleasure making him buck his hips. 

"Wh-What?" He breathed, his heart racing, "Th-There.. What was that?" 

"Ah, did I find it?" Kaworu asked, sounding amused, "Did you feel good when I touched here?" 

He curled his fingers inside him, pressing against the same spot and Shinji jerked, letting out a broken moan. The silver-haired boy smirked softly, his eyes dancing. He continued to curl his fingers inside him, teasing that same spot while his free hand began to play with one of his nipples, tweaking and twisting. 

"Aaah! K-Kaworu, w-wait..!" 

"I can't wait to feel you, Shinji.." Kaworu murmured breathlessly, almost to himself, "You're so warm and tight around my fingers.. You're close aren't you? Your body is twitching so much around me." 

Shinji's face burned at the lewd things Kaworu was saying, but he couldn't deny the truth in them. Every time Kaworu pressed his fingers inside him he felt a shock of pleasure run through him, the tension building up and winding tighter in his belly. His cock was already weeping pre-cum, the clear fluid smeared across his stomach as he writhed under Kaworu. The other boy kept curling his fingers, his thumb playing with his nipple and teasing him until his whole body was shaking. Shinji couldn't control the sounds leaving him, soft whines and moans escaping his throat and filling the air between them. 

"Ah..! Hahh, Kaworu, Kaworu...!" 

His legs trembled as Kaworu sped up and the palm of his hand hit the underside of his balls and cock with every thrust, rapidly pushing him towards his release. He turned into Kaworu's embrace with a strangled cry, clinging to him and burying his face into the crook of his neck. 

"Kaworu, please, p-please—!"  

The other boy suddenly pulled his fingers out Shinji let out a broken noise between protest and relief, his hole twitching around nothing and his body trembling from the loss of stimulation. He'd been right on the edge, but now he was left dangling there, his hips shifting restlessly and his cock twitching with the need to release. 

"No, why..? Why'd you s-stop?" Shinji panted, looking up at him, his vision hazy. 

"Shh.." Kaworu whispered, "You should be ready now, but we can't have you coming again just yet. You still want me inside, don't you?" 

Shinji registered his words and blushed. It wasn't really a question since they both knew what his answer was. Kaworu smiled at him, leaning down to kiss him, and Shinji melted against him feeling pliant and a bit dazed. The other boy was pulling away before he was ready and sitting back, his fingers curling around his hips and gently guiding him closer.  

"Lift your hips for me," Kaworu told him, his voice low. 

The brunette did as he was asked and the other boy helped lift him, putting a pillow under his hips to help keep him elevated. Shinji watched as Kaworu stood on his knees and removed his pants. His face heated when Kaworu grabbed the bottle of lube again and applied it to himself, stroking his cock to coat it with a generous amount.  

Kaworu noticed his gaze, and the brunette didn't miss the hungry glint in his red eyes. Shinji felt his face warming and he looked away, feeling flustered. 

"You don't have to look away, Shinji.." Kaworu murmured, "I like it when you look at me. I like knowing you desire me too." 

Shinji blushed even more, swallowing thickly and trying to ignore the fluttering of his heart. He slowly met Kaworu's gaze and his breath hitched when he saw the pure want written all over his face. The red-eyed boy was panting softly, but there was no hiding the hunger in his gaze. Kaworu let go of himself and moved forward, his eyes never leaving Shinji's. 

"I've never done anything like this before," Kaworu admitted, his voice low, "But I know that I want you, Shinij. I can't even describe what I feel right now. The only thing I can say is that my entire being aches to become one with yours." 

"Kaworu.." Shinji whispered, his chest filling with warmth. 

The other boy bowed over him, his hands cupping the sides of Shinji's face and kissing him deeply. Shinji closed his eyes, his body growing warm as Kaworu's lips moved against his. Their lips parted only to take a breath only to come back together again, their tongues tangling and their breath mingling. When they parted, the silver-haired boy rested his forehead against his.  

"Do you want this Shinji? Like I do?" Kaworu asked him. 

"Yes.." Shinji whispered, his arms coming up to wrap around his neck. 

"I won't hurt you. I promise.." Kaworu whispered. He kissed him gently, and shifted between his legs, holding his erection in his hand. Shinji swallowed thickly, anticipation coiling deep in his belly.  

The first touch was light, the head of his cock rubbing against his hole and Shinji's breath hitched. His whole body tensed up, and he could feel Kaworu's length twitch against him as he breached him slowly, the tip of his cock slipping inside and filling him. The feeling was even more foreign than when his fingers had been inside him and far bigger. His eyes watered, and he gripped at Kaworu's arms tightly, clenching his jaw to stop himself from making noise. He could feel himself pulsing around the intrusion as his body tried to accommodate the size of his cock, his entrance quivering as he pushed inside. 

"You're so tight Shinji..." Kaworu grunted, his voice strained, "You have to relax.. Otherwise I might hurt you.." 

"I'm s-sorry.." Shinji whimpered, biting his lower lip, and the other boy kissed his jaw soothingly. 

"Don't apologize, it's okay.." Kaworu said quietly, his voice tight. Shinji could feel him trembling slightly, his arms straining with the effort to stay still. "Breathe.. Take a deep breath and let me in..." 

Shinji couldn't stop the tremors wracking his body, his nerves overwhelmed. He tried to focus on Kaworu's words despite the discomfort, and his breathing stuttered as he inhaled a shaky breath. 

"I've got you, Shinji.." Kaworu whispered soothingly. "You're doing well.." 

Kaworu kept mumbling reassurances, followed by gentle kisses to his neck and shoulders. Shinji could feel the strain as he tried to will himself to be calm, and finally his body loosened enough for Kaworu to push forward a little more. Shinji couldn't believe how big he felt inside him. The slight burning sensation was still there, but Kaworu continued with a slow and steady pace until their bodies were flush together. 

Shinji was panting, his breath catching every time Kaworu shifted inside him. Kaworu's cock felt much bigger than it had looked, and the sensation of his insides stretching and shifting to accommodate his size was dizzying. He'd never felt such heat, pain, and pleasure all at once. He was sure his nails were digging into Kaworu's skin with how tightly he was clutching at him, but the other boy was too busy panting against his neck and nuzzling him to care. 

"You feel so good Shinji.." Kaworu breathed, his voice a low rasp, "You're so hot inside, and you're gripping me so tightly.." 

"...A-Am I hurting you?" Shinji managed to whisper, his voice trembling. Kaworu shook his head, the movement jerky. 

"N-No.. Just— Ngh..." Kaworu groaned, his body shuddering. Shinji could feel how heavily he was breathing, the air tickling the side of his neck. "I don't want to hurt you, but you feel so good.. I want to move.." 

Shinji could tell how affected Kaworu was from the way he was trembling and holding himself, the tension evident in his body. His cock was pulsing inside him, and every time he moved the smallest bit the other boy would whimper or grunt, the sound vibrating through him. 

"...M-Move.." Shinji mumbled, his face burning, "You can.. Y-You can move.." 

"Are you sure? How are you feeling?" Kaworu asked, his voice low. 

"It's o-okay, just.. Go slow," Shinji said, his cheeks heating. His own erection had flagged because of the pain, but the discomfort was receding into a strange sense of fullness that left him feeling tingly all over. Kaworu sat up so that his hair hung down like a silver curtain and smiled tenderly, his own cheeks flushed deeply. Shinji's eyes closed when Kaworu bent down to kiss him, his lips trembling slightly as the other boy's tongue slid along his bottom lip. The brunette could barely kiss him back, his entire focus on the fullness and heat radiating through him, and he was sure he would have fallen apart if not for the hands supporting his hips and the lips against his. 

Kaworu slowly pulled out of him, and Shinji could feel every inch of him slide out, the drag making him gasp softly into the kiss. The head caught his rim and Kaworu paused for a moment before slowly pushing back in. Shinji clenched around him involuntarily, his nerves singing as he felt himself stretch around the other boy's girth. Kaworu let out a small groan, his eyes squeezed shut as he sank back into him. The pace was torturously slow, but there was no resistance and the other boy sank in easier with every thrust. 

Shinji broke away from the kiss, his chest heaving. "Hahh, Kaworu.." 

The other boy didn't reply as first, his eyes closed and his brows knitted in concentration as he tried to maintain his pace. His thrusts were slow and steady, but Shinji could literally feel the effort it was taking him to hold back. He could see the tension in his muscles, his arms shaking slightly and his teeth digging into his bottom lip. The sight made something in his belly quiver. The fact that Kaworu was trying so hard to hold himself back and make sure he wasn't hurting him filled him with an unfamiliar feeling. 

Kaworu opened his eyes and looked at him. His pupils were dilated, the black nearly swallowing the red, and Shinji swallowed thickly, his heart skipping. The silver-haired boy reached out and placed a hand over his, interlacing their fingers, and his other hand gripped his hip. Shinji could feel the tremble in his grip, but Kaworu smiled down at him, his expression softening. 

"How are you feeling, Shinji?" He asked him, his voice strained. 

"I'm f-fine," Shinji answered quietly. 

Kaworu nodded, his eyes searching his face. "Is this alright? You're not in pain?" 

Shinji shook his head and his heart skipped again when Kaworu's smile widened. The red-eyed boy bent over him, and the brunette's arms came up to wrap around his neck instinctively. Kaworu kissed him sweetly, their lips moving slowly against each other. He was still rocking inside him, but his thrusts were slow and controlled, the pace languid and gentle. The discomfort was mostly gone, the slight sting from earlier fading away to small sparks of pleasure that were steadily growing with every movement. 

"Does this feel good, Shinji?" Kaworu asked, his voice low and husky, "Tell me what you're feeling..." 

Shinji blushed at the question. How he could still be embarrassed after everything that they'd done (and actively were still doing) was beyond him, but he felt shy nonetheless. Speaking still remained a challenge for him, especially when it came to discussing things that made him feel self-conscious.  

"Ahh, you're squeezing me.." Kaworu murmured, his tone amused, "Is that your way of saying yes?" 

"No that's.." Shinji said, his face burning, "D-Don't tease me.. You already know.." 

"I want to hear you say it," Kaworu replied, "Please Shinji..?" 

Shinji's heart skipped again. The way he said please always made his stomach flip. The brunette had noticed the subtle ways he'd used that word always followed by a smile. He wondered if Kaworu did that because he knew how effective it was or if it was just a natural inclination for him.  

"...Feels good," Shinji whispered, his voice trembling, "It's a lot.. S-So much... But I can feel you... All over.. In-Inside.. It's hot, but it feels good..." 

Kaworu shuddered, his eyes fluttering shut, and he leaned in to press his face against his neck. Shinji's breath caught when he felt him sink deeper inside him, his pace quickening a fraction. 

"Kaworu.." He whispered. The other boy didn't reply as he kept a steady pace, but Shinji could feel his hot breath fanning across his skin and the way his hands were starting to dig into his hips. 

"I feel the same Shinji.." Kaworu's voice was thick, "Every time you move, your body is so warm.. It's squeezing me.. I can feel the way your body is reacting to my touch.." 

His hand left Shinji's hip and slid across his abdomen. The brunette gasped softly when he felt his fingertips ghost over the length of his shaft, and Kaworu chuckled against his throat. 

"Your body is telling me you're enjoying this just as much as I am.." Kaworu murmured, his breath tickling his skin, "Don't hold back Shinji. Let everything out. Feel it. Feel me." 

Kaworu's words made him shudder, and the hand on his abdomen pressed down, the pressure firm but not enough to hurt. He could feel Kaworu's erection pushing him down and pressing against his insides, and he clenched around him without thinking. The reaction was instantaneous, and Kaworu jerked, his hips thrusting forward roughly. It stole the breath from his lungs and he gripped the silver-haired boy's arms tightly, his head spinning. 

"Shinji.. I-I'm sorry, did that hurt?" 

Shinji panted, trying to catch his breath. Kaworu had stopped, his whole body shaking and his breathing shallow. The brunette looked up at him, his eyes wide and his heart racing. Kaworu's expression was twisted, his eyes dark with a mixture of worry and lust. His cheeks were pinked and his bottom lip was swollen, evidence that he'd been biting it.  

"...Again," Shinji breathed, "Do it again, please.. Like that." 

Kaworu let out a sharp exhale, and in the same instant his hips jerked forward. Shinji's pitched moan filled the air and Kaworu did it again, the sound of skin slapping against skin loud in the silence. 

"Nngh! H-Hahh...!" 

"Does it really feel that good?" Kaworu asked him, his voice rough. 

"Yes!" Shinji gasped, "Kaworu, I-I need—" 

He broke off with a cry when the other boy began to fuck him, his pace picking up as he drove himself deeper. It was a bit harder and faster than Shinji was expecting, and his body was pushed upwards, his hands clutching desperately at his shoulders. 

"Ah, ah, aah, hahh—!" 

Kaworu buried his face into the crook of his neck, his moans muffled as he thrust into him. His hips snapped forward in quick and short strokes, the sound of his skin hitting his filling the room and the bed creaking from the force. The other boy's body was tense, the muscles straining as he held him tightly and fucked him, his cock driving deeper with each thrust. Shinji could barely breathe with the onslaught, his voice cracking as he cried out. 

"K-Kaworu, nngh..! Ah, Kaworu, K-Kaworu...!" 

The silver-haired boy was grunting, his fingers digging into his skin as he clung to him. Shinji could feel his hot breath against his skin, and his legs shook, his toes curling. He could feel Kaworu's reaching that same spot his fingers had been earlier and each thrust sent shocks of pleasure coursing through him. All he could do was hold on while Kaworu took him apart, his moans and gasps falling freely from his lips. He'd known Kaworu had been holding back for his sake, but now that the other boy was fully letting himself go Shinji couldn't believe this was the same person who had been so gentle with him. It was all the brunette could do to try and breathe, his vision going blurry as tears pricked his eyes. 

Kaworu's lips were on his neck, kissing and licking his sweat-dampened skin. His pace didn't falter, the rhythm quick and rough and sending jolts of pleasure running through him. The brunette arched his back and Kaworu bit down, his teeth sinking into his skin. Shinji gasped in shock, his fingers twisting in the silver hair at the nape of his neck and tugging sharply. Kaworu groaned against his skin and his tongue swirled over the mark he'd left. 

Kaworu lifted his head and grabbed his jaw, kissing him. It was rough and sloppy, their tongues tangling and teeth clashing. The brunette felt his eyes rolling back into his head when the other boy's free hand snaked between their bodies, his fingers wrapping around his weeping erection and stroking him. His touch was rough and firm, a tight grip that had him bucking into his palm. He was already so close, his whole body tightening as the pressure built up inside him. 

"Haa.. Haa.. Ngghh—!!"  

Shinji's eyes snapped open when Kaworu pulled back entirely, a string of saliva connecting their lips catching the light before breaking. Before he could even register what had happened the other boy was grabbing his waist and flipping him onto his stomach, and Shinji cried out gasping as Kaworu shoved his cock back into him in one smooth stroke. 

"Nggh!" 

The brunette didn't have any time to process the sudden shift because Kaworu was gripping his hips and pulling them upwards, and his legs trembled as his knees were forced apart and his ass was hiked up. He gripped the pillow under his chest, his breath escaping him in a harsh pant as the silver-haired boy kept his grip on his hips and started up the same relentless pace he'd been fucking him with before. 

Shinji quickly realized that the new angle was allowing the other boy's cock to penetrate him more deeply, the head pressing right up against the bundle of nerves inside him and sending electric pulses throughout his body. 

"Oh, ohh.. O-Oh, oh god.." Shinji trembled, "Please... Please don't stop... Kaworu..!" 

Shinji clenched the pillow under him like a lifeline, as if it could save him from the onslaught of pleasure arcing down his spine and throughout his body. His entire world narrowed to the feel of Kaworu's dick inside of him, pounding relentlessly and never faltering. His thighs quivered as he fought to keep himself propped up, and whimpered incoherently as Kaworu kept fucking into him. Kaworu's grip on his hips tightened, his blunt nails digging into his skin and surely leaving crescent-shaped marks. It felt too good. Was sex really supposed to feel like this? This intense? Shinji almost wanted to beg him to stop.  

Shinji's cock was leaking a steady stream of pre-cum onto the bed, the tip flushed a dark pink, and it twitched in Kaworu's grip when he suddenly reached under him to stroke him. The dual sensation nearly sent him over the edge, and his hips stuttered as he thrust forward into the tight channel of Kaworu's fist.  

"Kaworu.." He moaned brokenly, "Nngh.. I can't, I-I can't..!" 

"I can feel you tightening around me Shinji." Kaworu breathed, "Are you going to come for me? Do it Shinji.. Come for me." 

He squeezed him tighter and Shinji bucked, his hand moving fast as he continued his brutal pace despite his gentle coaxing. The pleasure had been building rapidly, but at Kaworu's words and his hands pumping even harder on his cock, Shinji couldn't take much more.  

"I'm coming..!" He wailed, "Kaworu—!!!" 

Kaworu's cock slammed right into that deep place inside of him, and the brunette came with a loud cry, his body shaking violently as he clamped down hard around the other boy's length. His orgasm washed over him in waves, feeling his own cock jerk repeatedly in Kaworu's grasp as he painted the bed sheets and Kaworu's hand with his release. His eyes clenched as Kaworu continued to stroke him through it and his body quivered uncontrollably underneath Kaworu's still thrusting hips. He held onto the pillow, moaning helplessly as he could feel Kaworu's cock pulsing inside of him, the feeling only intensifying his lingering climax.  

Overstimulated and quivering, Shinji still tightened around Kaworu, unconsciously trying to draw him in further, and he felt a wave of heat rush over him when the other boy's fingers tightened on his hips, his nails biting into his skin. 

"Shinji..!" 

Kaworu thrust into him deeply before he came too, shuddering as he grunted while the heat of his release spreading through Shinji's insides. Kaworu's voice cracked as he cried out, the sound almost a whine, and his hands left his hips to grasp the pillow beside his head, his body covering his. His chest was slick with sweat as he leaned against him, his weight bearing down on him as he tried to catch his breath. Shinji could feel Kaworu's cock twitching inside of him, his own body clenching in response. 

Kaworu's weight was heavy against him, and Shinji let his eyes close, his limbs trembling. They stayed like that for a long moment, Kaworu panting against the back of his neck. The brunette's whole body was tingling and his mind was a haze, and he shivered when the other boy's lips brushed his shoulder. Kaworu pulled out, and Shinji felt his cum flow freely down his thighs, leaving behind a sticky warmth that he knew would linger for some time. 

Shinji kept his eyes closed, but heard Kaworu collapse on the bed beside him, breathing heavily until his breaths began to even out. Shinji's mind was fuzzy, the world around him soft and distant. He felt dazed and relaxed, his limbs heavy. He felt the bed shift, and then warm lips were on his shoulder, kissing him gently. 

"Shinji?" Kaworu's voice was soft, a whisper against his ear. The brunette's eyes fluttered open and he looked at him. The red-eyed boy was smiling at him, his expression soft and a bit sleepy. Kaworu was laying on his side now facing him and despite his exhaustion Shinji found himself doing the same. Kaworu's silver hair was sticking to his face a bit from the perspiration, his face minutely flushed, and the sight was oddly endearing. 

"Hi," Kaworu said softly, his smile widening. Shinji felt his own lips quirking a bit, his cheeks warming. 

"...Hi," He whispered back, his voice hoarse. His throat was raw and dry. Kaworu shifted, and reached a hand up to run his fingers through his hair. Shinji's eyes slipped shut again, and he relaxed as Kaworu gently pushed the brown strands back. 

"Did you enjoy yourself?" 

Shinji's lips pursed in embarrassment at the question, some of his post-orgasmic listlessness fading. Kaworu chuckled at his reaction, and the brunette could hear the amusement in his voice.  

""That good, hmm?" 

"I didn't say anything," Shinji mumbled. Kaworu laughed, his hand sliding down to caress his cheek. 

"You don't have to," He replied. Shinji opened his eyes at that, and immediately felt his face heat when he saw Kaworu's expression. The look on his face was warm, his eyes bright and his lips curved up in a small, fond smile. His heart skipped. 

"Did you.. Enjoy yourself?" Shinji asked, his voice shy. Kaworu hummed, his smile widening. 

"I always enjoy myself when I'm with you, Shinji," He answered, his tone affectionate, "But yes, I did. Thank you for letting me share that experience with you." 

Shinji was sure his face had turned crimson by now, and he looked away from him, his heart thumping wildly in his chest. He had no idea what he'd done to make Kaworu think so highly of him. He'd never had anyone treat him the way the other boy did, and he'd never really considered himself a worthwhile person, let alone one worthy of receiving so much attention and affection. Did he really deserve it? Was he honestly good enough for— 

Shinji jumped when Kaworu wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into an embrace with his head tucked against his shoulder. Shinji looked up with a bright blush and his eyes widened when he saw Kaworu's face, the red-eyed boy gazing down at him fondly. 

"Stop that," He said softly. 

"W-What?" Shinji asked, startled. 

"Your thoughts," Kaworu murmured, his thumb brushing his bottom lip, "Whatever it is you're thinking, stop." 

"But I.." 

"You deserve my love, Shinji. Don't doubt that." 

Shinji's face burned and he looked down with wide eyes, not expecting the other boy to say that again. He'd said it in the bathhouse previously, and Shinji hadn't known what to say or how to react back then. He hadn't believed him because of course he hadn't. They'd just met after all. He'd summed it up to a strange joke, perhaps the heat of the bath getting to the other boy, and the whole thing had left him feeling strange. But now Kaworu had repeated it again after they'd just shared the most intimate thing two people could share with each other, and his words felt more sincere than before. 

"I know that you don't believe me, yet," Kaworu's voice was a low murmur, "But, I do hope in time that you will come to accept my feelings for you." 

Shinji didn't respond, but he didn't pull away when Kaworu leaned down and pressed their lips together, his touch gentle and unhurried. Shinji sighed softly into the kiss, and let his eyes slip shut, the other boy's words playing in his mind. The desire to believe him was there, so perhaps the day would come when he would. 

Kaworu was the first to pull away, and the silver-haired boy smiled down at him. "You're safe here, Shinji," Kaworu whispered, "If you ever need anything, or if you're feeling lonely, just tell me okay? I'm here." 

There was genuine weight in his words, but a bit of it was overlooked when Shinji felt his heart skip a beat at the thought of doing it again. His eyes darted down to the other boy's exposed collarbone and chest, the pale skin covered with a faint sheen of sweat, and then looked quickly away, his cheeks flushing. Kaworu laughed, the sound light and he pressed another kiss to his lips with a smile. 

"I'm so glad I met you Shinji." He whispered. 

Kaworu reached up and cupped his cheek, his thumb stroking his skin tenderly. After a long moment Shinji's own hand came up and covered his, his eyes lifting to meet his, and Kaworu's eyes brightened at what he saw there. 

"I'm glad I met you too."