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1
Too many people assumed having antlers was cool. After all, it must’ve been nice to have big pointy spikes protruding from her head. It wasn’t. If anything, Max considered it inconvenient. Most people could sleep comfortably on their sides, but she either had to lie on her back or bury her face in the pillows. They also grew quickly and often got in the way. Hell, she accidentally whacked Warren in the face once. Thankfully he didn’t get a broken nose.
If there was one thing they’re good for, and only one thing, it’s scaring off predators. Victoria and her posse of ‘cool cats,’ to be exact. They weren’t dangerous or anything, just extremely catty. They pushed Vortex Clubs flyers like dope but denied entry to certain people, like her, which defeats the whole point of promoting it in the first place. Then again, what would she know? She’s just a ‘hipster loser.’ At least Kate liked her style, or is that sad because she’s her girlfriend?
The autumn wind breezed by, orange and red falling around them like snow. Leaves crunched beneath Kate’s feet as she walked towards the totem, food in hand. She threw it to the ground and lured out the squirrels, once hidden inside forest trees. Surrounded by nature and painted in golden light, this little moment in time would make for a great shot. Max fished out her camera and captured it. Kate’s rabbit ears turned around faster than her body, a grumble on her lips.
“You should tell me when you’re going to take pictures.”
“Sorry, I couldn't resist.”
“Like a true photographer.” She sat down beside her. “Can you edit me smiling?”
“I don’t think you can do that with polaroids.”
Kate hummed. “I’ve always wondered, why do you use analog? Isn’t digital more convenient?”
“It is, but they don't have the same feeling. Or charm, I guess.” Max thought for a moment. “I don’t know what makes them so special, but I’ve always liked them. I remember drooling over this one camera Chloe’s dad used to have, and he eventually let me use it since he got tired of my gawking.”
“That definitely sounds like you.”
“Hey, it’s not like I stare all the time.”
“You do though, and it’s pretty obvious.”
“So much for being a ninja, or is that because I'm invisible?”
“You’re not, at least not to me.”
Max smiled. “Thanks.”
They had photography class the day after, taught by none other than the sly Mr. Jefferson. Like every one of his classes, Max was thrilled to be there but understood so little. It wasn’t all her fault. He had a habit of assigning way too much reading, on top of all her other coursework too. Kate’s always managed to stay on top of it though, somehow, it’s why she’s the one who helps her with homework and not the other way around. Luckily Max was better prepared this time, since today’s topic was about retro photography. Analog cameras for days.
They were about to get into film scarcity–a topic she held strong opinions on–when a strange scent wafted in the air. No, it wasn’t strange, it wasn’t even unfamiliar. It roped her in like a vintage camera sale, totally irresistible. Her blood heated. That only meant one thing. Max turned to Kate, hunched over her desk in pain. ‘Not good.’
“Does anybody else smell that?” Mr. Jefferson asked.
“I do,” Victoria commented, “Looks like someone forgot to take their suppressants.”
Kate muttered something under her breath. She barely managed to stand, her voice weak. “Excuse me…”
“Yes, of course. Max, would you be so kind as to help Kate to the infirmary?”
She didn't hesitate and went over to Kate, helping to the nurse’s office. “It’s alright, we’re almost there.”
“Thank you, Max…”
The nurse took one look at Kate and laid her down. She was given emergency suppressants, but would that be enough? Each species had their own levels of instinctual intensity. Deer were meek, so it wouldn’t have taken much to calm her down. But her girlfriend was a rabbit. Also a meek species, some would even say weak, but their libidos weren’t. Max didn’t understand how this even happened. It wasn’t like Kate to forget these things, especially if it interfered with school. Maybe she got swamped with homework or her doctor had to reschedule, who knows.
“Max Caulfield?” the nurse asked.
She stood from her seat. “Yeah?”
“Your friend isn’t looking too good. Looks like she forgot to take her suppressants, or if she did then they must've expired. You should take her back to the dorms, she needs rest.”
“Um.” She felt like an idiot for even asking. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
The nurse eyed her up. “Don’t even try it. Unless you want to trigger your own instincts.”
“Oh, right. Thanks. I’ll take her to the dorms now.”
The nurse went to her desk and Max to Kate, hidden behind a thin curtain. She gripped at the gurney, pursing her lips to hold back pained groans. Definitely not good. She helped Kate to her feet. Her girlfriend’s scent lathered her senses in honey, pumping sweet desire into her veins. Her heart shuddered when Kate held onto her for balance, trembling from discomfort and her with anxiety. Max sighed, she needed to hold out. Together they stumbled back to the dorms, but stopped outside Kate’s room.
“Let’s go to yours instead,” her girlfriend said.
It wasn't time to argue, so they went to her room. Kate crashed on her bed, letting down her hair and sliding off her cardigan. The smell of her need, her desperation filled the chilly air. Max slid off her hoodie and wondered how much pain she was in, it must’ve been worse than ‘triggering’ her own instincts. The nurse meant well, it’s risky to put two students in heat near each other, but she wasn’t going to sit around either. Besides, it’s not like she was rutting. As long as velvet wrapped around her antlers, things would be fine.
She stole Kate’s lips, desire burning away her self-restraint to ashes. Kate’s hands ran hurriedly up and down her back, soft whimpers filling her ears for more. It was painful to pull away, to reach inside her wallet and kick off her pants. Max tore off the condom wrapper before sliding it on, and soon she slid inside Kate. Moving while drunk on her girlfriend's scent proved hard, even harder once she pulled her into another kiss. Max huffed from the heat beneath her skin, an overwhelming sense to thrust and thrust taking over. She didn’t need to think, only feel the moans seeping into their kiss.
Kate’s ears pulled back, tense, her legs wrapped tightly around her waist. Max bit her lip. She wanted to go harder, faster, but couldn’t. It was the difference between them. Deer fought for the right to mate, but rabbits needed gentle handling. Good thing she wasn’t rutting then. Her hands gently raised Kate’s hips, steady rhythms coaxing louder and louder whimpers out of her. Kate bit on the sheets as her breaths quickened, her body trembling. She was close.
Max kissed her again. Deeper. Harder. Exactly what she needed to get her there. Kate’s head fell back, her fractured breaths and desperate moans grazing Max’s ear. She held onto her like a life raft, legs kicking while she trembled all over, so much Max felt herself edge closer. Waves of blissful wine drowned her completely, the drunkenness leaving her without strength. She lied on top of Kate, trading exhausted breaths and hoping her antlers wouldn’t hurt her. But lying somewhere else was pointless, she could hardly feel anything. Would this be enough to trigger a rut? Hopefully not.
“Do you, uh, feel better?” She barely had the energy to say even that.
Kate stared blankly at the ceiling, panting like she’s ran a thousand miles. “Yeah.”
“Oh, cool.”
Max sucked in a breath and pushed herself up on shaking arms. She threw away the condom and took off her shirt; it was too hot to be wearing one. All the sweat dampened her antlers and made them heavy, another reason they’re so inconvenient. How her father tolerated his she didn’t know. Maybe one day they’d prove less annoying, or she’d learn to tolerate them–maybe even like them. She looked back to the bed and found Kate staring at her, pretty intensely too.
“It’s not fair if I’m the only naked one,” she bluffed.
Kate looked away. “Sorry.”
“Are you in heat again? Let me help–”
“No. You just…look really pretty.”
Max gulped. “Oh. Uh, thanks.”
“Um, can you come here?”
Max knew what that meant. She lied down beside Kate, snuggling up against her for warmth. The fur on her girlfriend’s ears were ticklish, but she couldn’t be bothered to move. Kate’s fingers trailed along her antlers, rubbing the base with care. She pursed her lips. ‘Does she want to go again?’
“I love your horns.”
“They get in the way.”
“Yeah, but they look cool.”
“That’s what everyone says. I can’t pull them back, or control how fast they grow. It’s a hassle.”
“Do you want to remove them then?”
“Eugh, no, that'd be painful and expensive. I just wish they weren’t so long.”
Kate snickered. “It’s a good thing they are though.”
“They’re not.”
“They are.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
Max smiled at Kate’s flustered face. “Alright. I believe you.”
Soft kisses peppered her neck, Kate’s arm wrapped around her waist. “Let’s sleep.”
“On it.” She hugged her tight, squeezing a giggle out of her girlfriend.
2
Dragging herself out of bed was a chore, made worse by the heft on her skull. It was normal for antlers to grow heavier throughout the year, and it made scaring off the ‘cool cats’ easier. Max scoured the floor for her clothes and slid them back on, fixing her messy hair in the mirror. She noticed something in her reflection though, something that wasn’t supposed to happen yet. Blood. Pieces of velvet peeled off her antlers. Hardened bones peaked through the cracks, stained in reddish pink. Not good. She wasn’t supposed to shed yet. Would that mean she’s going into a rut? She had to take her suppressants.
No. Wait. That wouldn’t stop the velvet from falling off her antlers. Max pursed her lips. Students who were in heat weren't allowed to attend class, which meant off-site coursework. That would’ve worked fine if she wasn’t already swamped with homework; adding more might as well be throwing away her scholarship. ‘Not good. Definitely not good.’ She looked out the window, at the trees, an idea on her mind. If no one knew she entered a rut, then she’d still be able to attend class. That was still technically against the rules, but better than doing extra extra schoolwork.
She looked to the bed. Kate was still asleep, wrapped in warm blankets. Max sneaked out the room and disappeared into the forest surrounding Blackwell. Her antlers ripped off the tree bark, scraps of torn flesh left scattered on mangled wood. Again and again and again, she made sure every piece of velvet was properly torn off. It left her with bloody horns, as if she just killed someone, but that could be washed off. The morning fog shook the fatigue out of her, but she still returned to her room. If not for sleep, then to snuggle beside her girlfriend.
Her arm laid around Kate while she looked at her sleeping face. Her ears twitched from the cold, her nose scrunched up. Max giggled and wondered if her girlfriend could get any cuter. A part of her hoped Kate’s heat would die down soon, but that’s hard to say since she’s a bunny. Speaking of which, could it be that her rut came faster because of her? It wouldn’t be strange. In the wild, mating usually happens when one party goes into heat and triggers the other. Maybe her body was only reacting to Kate’s scent, or maybe they were just incredibly horny. It didn’t matter though. Her velvet had gone. A rut was unavoidable no matter how many suppressants she took. ‘Awesome…’
Kate woke up with a yawn a couple of minutes later, muttering under her tired breath. “How long have you been awake?”
“A while.” She pointed to her antlers, “Check it out.”
Kate blinked. “Why are they red? Or is that pink?”
“The velvet kind of fell off.”
“That happens?”
“Yeah, um, when I’m entering a rut.”
“Oh. That’s not good.”
She shrugged. “Nobody here knows how deer work, so it’s fine.”
“Max, please don’t tell me you're planning to lie and show up to class.”
“But I’ll get totally swamped if I don’t.”
Kate nuzzled against the crook of her neck. “I’ll help you then.”
“I don’t know, you’ll also be getting extra coursework.”
“Then we’ll help each other, like...”
“Like last night?” She snorted, so did Kate.
“Yes, that too.” Kate kissed her cheek. “Let’s go on a walk, we won’t be having class anyway.”
Max hummed. “Right, and let everyone see my bloodied up horns.”
“After a shower then.”
They did just that. Max washed the blood off her antlers, pooling down the drain like that one scene from ‘Scream.’ She got out of the shower and slinked back to her room, putting on her clothes before meeting Kate outside the dorm building. The morning’s glow paled in comparison to her girlfriend’s smile, so bright it melted her heart. Their hands joined together for warmth, early birds tweeting as they walked past the breezing trees. Kate’s ears fell slack, a chill on her lips. Max’s arm wrapped around her, and her girlfriend nuzzled against her hoodie. She didn’t have a thick coat of fur to protect her, but there's always artificial ones.
Max slid off her hoodie. “Here.”
“No. You’ll get cold too.”
“I’ll be fine. Just take it, please?”
Kate pursed her lips. She eventually took it, zipping all the way up, hood shielding her floppy ears. “Thank you.”
Max didn’t think, how could she? She could only steal Kate’s lips, only for a moment. “Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”
Kate’s eyes widened from shock, soon replaced with a blush on her cheeks. “You really are rutting.”
“Yeah, I probably should’ve taken some suppressants before this.”
“We can always go back–”
“Hey sluts!” a distant voice called out, Max knew exactly who it belonged to though. Victoria walked towards them. Her ears also twitched from the cold, but her smug expression gave nothing away. “Fancy seeing you up early, Caulfield. Oh, and hi Kate, didn’t see you there.”
“Hi Victoria,” Kate mumbled.
Max narrowed her gaze, annoyed. “What do you want?”
“Relax hippie, I’m just here for a photo.”
“What?”
“You have ears, use them.” Victoria pulled out her phone. “Anyway, I hope you can pose, I need this for my campaign.”
Kate raised a brow. “What campaign?”
“My student body campaign, duh.”
Max held back a laugh. “Yeah right, like anyone’s gonna vote for you.”
“Oh they will, lots of them. You wouldn’t know what it’s like to be popular though, too busy spacing out on that totally ancient camera of yours.”
Anger sputtered in her chest. “At least I know how to frame a shot. I don’t need fancy equipment to compensate.”
“Ex-fucking-cuse you Max. Just because Mr. Jefferson likes your selfies, doesn’t mean you’re the next Avedon.”
“Neither are you, not if you keep using three thousand dollar cameras as a crutch.”
“Jesus Christ! I just wanted one photo, but you had to be a bitch about it.”
“Sorry, I'm just returning your energy.”
Kate placed a hand on her shoulder. “Um, I think we should calm down. Both of you have really cool, unique styles.”
Victoria scoffed. “What would you know? You only took photography for the credits.”
“Back off,” Max spat.
Victoria crossed her hands. “Or what? Are you gonna take a selfie of me? Real scary .”
Max dug in her heels. “No, but how do you feel about a hole in your lung?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Victoria looked at her antlers, confused. “Wait, why are they pointy now?”
“It happens when deer are in heat. They’re harder than bones, so it’s easy to break things with them.” Max’s gaze hardened. “Wanna test that out?”
Victoria froze, words spilling past her frantic lips. “What the fuck! I’ll remember this.”
Her annoying classmate walked into the distance. Hopefully they wouldn’t meet again, at least not today. Max took in a breath to calm her nerves, but they remained frayed. The anger inside her chest grew hotter, louder. A lump slid down her throat. Not good. Kate stared at her, shock and confusion mixed on her twisted expression. ‘Great.’ Max hoped they wouldn’t break up like this, with Kate frightened by a side of her she’d never seen before: an angry, territorial asshole. A part of her wanted to reason that Victoria deserved it for being such a snob, but the rest of her knew there wasn’t any reason behind it. It was a stupid power play, and she was a jackass for starting it.
She sighed. “Sorry about that. I was being mean, even if it was at Victoria.”
Kate nodded. “Is this also because of your rut?”
“Probably. I’m never that mad.”
“No. You’re more calm, and caring, and gentle.”
Max pulled her into a bear hug, “Is this gentle enough for you?”
Kate’s laughter was sweeter than Saturday morning cereal, and her bunny ears perked up. “Yeah, it is. But you should take your suppressants before anything happens.”
“Gotcha.”
They briefly returned to the dorms so Max could hark down her meds, then it was off to Two Whales. There was no better place to get a stack of pancakes and coffee, though she wished there were more options than black. She supposed that’s how Arcadia Bay liked it, a slap in the face to properly wake them up. The bus dropped them off just outside the diner, Max growing giddy from the smell of bacon grease seeping through the door. Kate snickered at her goofy smile, only because she didn’t understand the total epicness of Joyce’s cooking. They picked out a seat near the back, and it wasn’t long before the icon herself approached them.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Max Caulfield.” She poured her a cup of coffee before turning to Kate. “And who’s this?”
“I’m Kate, it’s nice to meet you. Max told me a lot about you.”
“About me, or my cooking?”
“Both.”
“Hm, is this true Max?”
“I needed to let her know about your legendary pancakes.”
“I suppose that’s what you’ll be having today.” She looked at Kate, “And what about you dear?”
“I’d like to try them too. Max said they were life changing.”
Joyce chuckled. “A bit dramatic, but not far off. You’ll have your pancakes in ten, try and sit tight in the meantime.”
She left to put in their order. Max’s ear perked up at the sound of sizzling, all kinds of meats and bacon and sausages flipped around the grill, pancakes too. Were they making their order already? Country music boomed from the jukebox, so loud she could barely hear the whirring coffee machine. The seats were still cushy as ever, and a little more graffiti had been scrawled under the table. A little regret took root inside her. If only she had a camera growing up; she could’ve taken pictures all over Arcadia Bay and compare them now. Nothing probably changed, which was both impressive and a little confusing.
“Max, are you okay?” Kate asked.
She hummed. “Yeah. Just remembering stuff, a lot of stuff.”
“I can imagine. Hopefully you’ll be able to make new memories too.” Kate smiled, bright and sweet like she usually was.
“Totally. I’m never gonna forget that I took you here today.” Real smooth Max.
Kate chuckled. “Was that a pick-up line?”
“I mean, yeah?”
“Oh. We’re already dating though, so you don’t have to use them on me.”
Max shrugged. “I like to keep people on their toes.”
“Is that why you sometimes do your reading for photography class, to catch Mr. Jefferson by surprise?”
“Wow, low blow. We’re breaking up.”
They shared another laugh, and Max couldn’t help but look at Kate. Her hoodie was draped on her girlfriend’s slim figure, her golden hair neatly pulled back into its usual bun, her lips quivering from laughter and her slender arms wrapped around her body. Max blinked before looking away. What was she thinking? They were in a diner. There were stories of people who went mad with lust during their ruts, but she wasn’t one of them. No. Never. She wasn’t some wild beast, let alone a horndog. And yet, for all her denial, the pain growing in her jeans proved otherwise. ‘Fuck’s sake.’ Talk about awkward.
No big deal. Random boners calmed down after a while. Kate sipped her coffee, wincing from the strong flavor. Max's head returned to yesterday’s memories, how Kate also winced from the overwhelming pain of her desire, whining and moaning into their kisses. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear, but Max could only think of how messy it was yesterday. She missed how it flowed down her shoulders, how her face was strained with need, her skin so soft against her own, her hands running up and down her back for something to hold on to–something to keep her from snapping completely. Not that it worked, in the end they both became lost in each other.
The ache grew worse as it pressed against her zipper. Max pursed her lips. Nothing worse than having a raging boner while wearing jeans. It didn’t just hurt, it hurt like hell. She needed to go to the restroom and ‘calm down,’ but standing up meant everyone could see her hard-on. Maybe she could ask for her hoodie back? No, that’d be worse since Kate would ask what’s wrong. She couldn’t lie to Kate, her girlfriend, the person who trusted her the most out of everyone at Blackwell. Lying to her would just feel wrong, but what else was she supposed to do? She pursed her lips; an idea popped into her head. Was it better than lying to Kate? Yes. But was it incredibly stupid? Also yes.
“Hey, can you come over here?” she asked.
Kate seemed curious but walked over anyway. Max quickly stood up and turned her around, whispering in her ear. “Help me to the restroom.”
Kate shifted. She must’ve felt something pressed against her skirt. “Oh, okay…”
“Sorry. I just don’t want anyone to see.”
“No, I get it. It’s just…let me help you.”
Max gulped. “Oh. Okay. I mean, if that’s what you want.”
“I think it got bigger,” Kate whispered.
“Shit. Sorry.”
Together they made the miserable walk to the other side of the diner and into the restroom. Kate led her into the farthest stall and locked the door, but she didn’t go any further. A long silence lulled the room. Nerves choked the air out her lungs, desire pounding against her chest and her eyes wild with anticipation. Max bit on her lip. An urge to take Kate right then and there gripped her senses. It didn’t matter if anyone walked in; they could hear them fuck like wild dogs for she all cared. Wait. She needed to get a grip. Max shook her head, scrounging up what remained of her wits. Kate was here to help, not to be ravaged.
The long silence was broken when Kate reached out to unbutton her pants, slowly dragging her zipper down like it was a hazard. It wasn't the first time she did it, so why were her hands shaking? ‘Dumb question.’ They were in a dinky restroom and anyone could walk in on them at any time. Max leaned in, to calm her down with a kiss, but Kate turned away before their lips could meet. Confusion took away from the ache in her trousers, for now, and she mustered the courage to speak.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t focus.”
“Yeah, neither can I.”
Kate wrapped her arms around Max, her breaths shallow and warm. “I think I’m in heat again. It’s the hoodie…Your scent, I can’t think of anything else.” Her girlfriend heaved. “Max. I need you.”
“Fuck.”
She devoured Kate. Desire exploded inside her chest, her lips trembling while she hungered for more. Her knee pressed against Kate’s hips and she pulled her close, to hear her sweet moans. Low and desperate, they flooded her ears with the need she’d been holding back; what both of them have been holding back. Kate wriggled an arm free. It hurriedly slid down Max’s waist, rubbing her cock as frantically as she held down her breaths, or tried to. But how could she? Kate violently stole her lips away every chance she got. They ground against each other. Huffing. Moaning. Shaking. But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.
Kate pushed her on the toilet, rolling up her skirt and sliding off her panties. She mounted her with ease and Max groaned, gripping her girlfriend’s waist. Her toes curled each time Kate came down, vigorously riding the sense out of her. There was nothing to think about, nothing else to consider other than to thrust and thrust and thrust. Deeper. Harder; forcing the moans out of Kate and into her restroom's air, their bodies moving to quell the fire eating them alive. Kate's head fell on her shoulder, her hot breaths tickling Max’s neck, her ears pulled back in submission. She heaved from exhaustion, but her honey scented smell demanded they continue.
Max unbuttoned Kate’s shirt and pushed up her bra, playing with her breasts. Her girlfriend’s nails dug into her back, whimpering and whining the more she toyed with her. Her mewls fanned the raging flames of Max’s lust, and her hips jolted desperately to coax more moans out of her. She wanted to hear it, all of it, this part of Kate only she could see. Only her. No one else. Kate was hers. She wanted to make sure everyone knew it, so no one would ever approach her again. Max clenched her jaw; her teeth weren’t sharp enough to mark Kate. No, she could do something else. Living proof that Kate was her and no one else’s.
“Kate, Kate…have my kids.”
“I will–As many as you want! Just please fuck me Max . ”
“Fuck. Fuck!” She kissed Kate’s neck. “You’re mine. Mine. Have my kids, marry me, stay with me forever.”
“Yes, yes, I will. I will. I love you,” Kate held her tight, “I love you…”
Something was coming, but Max didn’t want to stop. “I love you too, so much. I can’t live without you.”
All the pleasure building inside Max–everything she'd been holding back–exploded. Again the overwhelming urge to mark Kate as hers and hers alone came, but her teeth sunk into her hoodie instead. They were too blunt. She didn't want to hurt her. Kate's trembling breaths matched hers, both of them shaking from the waves shocking their everything. The outside world didn't matter when they were like this; suffocating each other with their desire and desperately holding onto each other with need. Kate's grip eventually weakened, but Max's didn't. She didn't, couldn't let go, not before she was sure Kate had received every last drop of her.
Quiet followed the tsunami, their lust washed away by sleepy tides. Max wished she could doze off, but this wasn’t exactly the time and place, not to mention the right position. ‘Oh, right.’ She was still inside of Kate, probably for way too long by now. Wait. She’d been inside of Kate the whole time…Fear spiked her blood. She woke Kate from her daze, reaching into her bag and pulling out her wallet. They were still inside, the condoms, all of them. She hadn’t used a single one. She froze. She replayed the memories in her head over and over, but couldn’t remember putting on a condom. ‘Fuckfuckfuckfuck.’ She slapped her forehead. How could she have been so stupid?
“Fuck. Kate…I'm so sorry,” she whispered.
Kate could barely perk up her ears. “What?”
“I was being stupid and selfish. I’m so sorry.” Stiff hands buried her face. “Oh man, oh man–this sucks! I’m not ready to be a mom. You’re not ready to be a mom.”
“Oh, that.” Kate gulped, panic shuddering in her eyes. “You’re right, none of us are ready. But we,” she stopped herself, fingers digging into her hoodie. “Max, what should I do? I don’t want to be pregnant, I still have so much to do.”
Max tried her best to stay calm. “Hey, it’s okay. We can just buy a pregnancy test tomorrow and see if you really are pregnant–”
“What if I am? ” Her head fell in despair. “Oh God, my parents would kill me.”
Max chewed her lip. It pained her to see Kate like this. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. This is my fault. I should’ve used a condom, I should’ve stopped when I knew I was close.”
“Did you mean what you said?” Kate looked up.
Max blinked. “What?”
“About, uh, marrying you.”
“Uh–I mean. It’s not that I don’t want to, I definitely do, one day. It’s just, I’m not ready now. Besides, I don't wanna have a shotgun marriage.” Max wanted to hide in a corner. She just said she wanted to marry Kate. Out loud.
Her girlfriend flashed a defeated smile. “I know what you mean. This shouldn't have happened.” She pursed her lips, gathering her thoughts. “I looked at my suppressants this morning; they weren’t expired. Do you know what this means?”
“Oh, are we bonded?”
“I think so, why else would our suppressants fail?” Kate sighed. “What you…What we did was both our faults. So if anything happens, I need to know if you’re with me.”
Max looked away. Getting married? Having kids? Max thought she’d never have to worry about that kind of stuff, at least not while in high school. If not because of her age, then her severe lack of charisma. But somehow, she not only dated the best person in the world ever, but also might’ve knocked her up. What was there to do? Run away? Like hell she’d abandon Kate. But how would she provide for them? Especially since rabbits could have a lot of kids at once. Would they be able to finish high school? Would that mean she’d have to give up photography? No. Probably not give it up, but keep it a hobby. She shook her head. Too many thoughts were in her head, and she didn’t want to think about them in a restroom of all places. But there was one thing she had decided on.
“I will. I promise,” Max rubbed her neck, “But, uh, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”
“Yeah.” Kate kissed her cheek. “I love you.”
Max hugged her, glad that at least they’d stay together. “Love you too. I think we should get out soon, Joyce will kick us out if we don’t”
“Alright," Kate muttered.
They got dressed and exited the restroom together, Joyce delivering their pancakes a few moments later. Sweat rushed down Max’s forehead, but the older woman only gave a passing. “Please just book a hotel next time.”
Max pushed out a stilted laugh. “Sorry. I’ll be sure to leave a good tip.”
“You better.” Joyce left shortly after. Hopefully she wouldn’t bring it up with Chloe, Max didn’t want to be hounded by questions right now.
Kate was usually starving after sex, but she barely touched her pancakes. Max was the same, how could she relax when her life could change tomorrow? Hell, even now. What she did was so stupid, she was so stupid. If only she could turn back time. But she couldn’t, so she needed to do the responsible thing and face the consequences of her actions. Oh, who was she kidding? This entire situation was messed up. Her girlfriend stared holes through her pancakes, and Max could only think of taking her hand. Maybe that way, both of them could calm down.
Kate held her tight, so tight Max began to lose feeling in her fingers. But that was fine. As long as they had each other, maybe things wouldn’t totally suck.
3
Tomorrow came and they had to pretend like nothing was wrong. Nevermind the fact that Kate could be pregnant with her child, one that they had no way of supporting. So much for traveling the world as a photographer, she’d be flipping burgers by next fall. If this was how much she worried, she could imagine how Kate must’ve felt. Her girlfriend’s beliefs might’ve revered bonding and unprotected sex, since the Lord commanded them to ‘go forth and multiply’ or something, but he forgot that thing weren’t so simple nowadays. Besides, didn’t he also say that pre-marital sex was a sin? Whatever. She needed to think of something before things go out of hand, as if they already hadn’t.
The bell rang, and with it, class ended. Mr. Jefferson made a big deal out of their assigned reading like he normally did, but Max couldn’t bring herself to care this time. She went to Kate’s desk and spoke in a whisper. “Do you, uh, want to come with me?”
“I’ve had enough of that this week.”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“Then what?”
“Let’s go to the convenience store.”
“Which one? And why?” Concern twisted Kate’s face.
Max wished she wasn’t so bad with words. “To buy a pregnancy test.”
“Oh.” Kate closed her book. “Alright...”
They rode the bus and got off at the nearest convenience store, a good six kilometers away. Everything was coated in sterile blue, the kind that belonged in mortuaries, not stores. Truth be told, this was the last place she wanted to be. But ignoring her problems would only make them worse, so better to face it with someone than alone.
Together they searched through the aisles and found the pregnancy test. Max offered to pay and Kate agreed. After all, she was the one who insisted they ‘mated,’ which sounded super gross. Those things didn’t come cheap either, so they made a quick stop at the ATM machine to check her balance. It was less than twenty dollars. Her soul nearly left her body. It made sense though; she recently bought some film. Still, staring at the numbers made her realize just how much she spent. This would be nothing compared to how much she’d need if Kate was actually pregnant. Hell, she could afford to attend Blackwell for another three years for the hospital bills alone. Goddamn American healthcare system.
Max grumbled curses under her breath before turning back to Kate. Her girlfriend stared out a nearby window, her previous apprehension replaced with curiosity. The lights from the window and the ATM corner came together, a beautiful golden hue glowing on Kate’s skin. Max fished out her camera, framing Kate inside her lens before taking the shot. The snapping flash drew Kate’s attention, confusion stewed on her face.
“What are you doing?”
“The light looked good on you. I mean, anything looks good on you, but right now especially.” Ah yes, the perfect explanation.
Kate furrowed her brows. “I don’t get it. Is this fun for you Max?”
“What? No. I just,” she stopped herself. “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked before I took the shot.”
Kate sighed. “I’m not mad about that. It’s just, I wish you’d take this more seriously.”
“I am. I literally couldn’t listen to Mr. Jefferson because I was so worried, like, thinking about what we should do if you’re, you know…” She motioned at Kate, but couldn’t bring herself to say the words.
“I know. I saw you.” Kate snickered; her first smile in the entire day. “You looked like a deer in headlights.”
Max chuckled. “Since when did you come up with puns?”
“I caught it from you.”
“Aw. Don’t worry my deer, you’ll feel better soon.”
Kate snickered again. “Stop.”
“Sorry, I just love you so deer-ly.”
Kate had to stop herself from laughing. “Me too. And Max, I, uh, I’m glad you still want to be with me after all this.”
“Of course. I mean, I did this to you.”
“Yeah…I just got scared for a moment, since I hear it’s common for partners to run away in situations like these.”
Max pursed her lips. “I’d never do that to you.”
“I know you won’t.” Kate’s smile was warmer than the golden lights behind her. “Thank you.”
Max didn’t care that they were in public anymore. She pulled Kate into a tight hug and kissed her cheek, then her forehead and then her head. “Damn, why are you so cute?”
Kate giggled, “I don’t know. I think it’s becoming a problem.”
“Yeah, you almost gave me a heart attack.”
“Hm. Good thing you’re still here then.”
They shared a laugh and forgot about their worries, even if it was for just a moment. Max knew she’d never be able to take care of Kate if she were pregnant, but she’d like to think so. Seeing her girlfriend’s smile, the way her ears twitched and how her fingers covered her mouth, it made her feel like she could do anything. Maybe she could, who knows? Both their families were decently well-off, though Kate’s would probably treat them with greater scrutiny. Ah, she was thinking too far ahead. They didn’t know if Kate was actually pregnant. Max hoped not, but it couldn’t hurt to think of a plan in the meantime.
They took the next bus to Blackwell. Usually it took five minutes to walk to the dormitory, but they needed twenty. Both were wrapped up in the worst case scenario, but neither wanted to talk about it. There was no point. Fear lodged itself inside Max’s throat, anxiety pounding in her chest the closer they drawled towards the dorms. She squeezed Kate’s hand, and Kate squeezed back, every bit as worried and terrified as she was. A sliver of comfort calmed her raging thoughts, to know she wasn’t the only one feeling like this. Afraid. Anxious. Confused.
After another minute of dragging their feet, they finally reached the bathroom. Max locked the door behind them, frantically pacing back and forth, desperate to hear any news. She didn’t want to think about anything until she knew the facts. Water dripped down the tap, slowly, down the dim white faucet and into the drain’s darkness. The walls inched closer every second, and the old graffiti morphed into jagged shapes. She gulped down her nerves, but that didn’t stop them from shaking her fingers. A creak fractured the silence. She looked up. Kate stood outside the stall, but Max couldn’t read her expression. All the fear and dread she held down burst inside her chest, but Kate held her together in a warm hug.
“I’m not pregnant,” she whispered, relieved.
Max let out the biggest sigh in her life. “Holy shit…”
“Please don’t actually have a heart attack.”
“I won’t, but, uh, I was about to.” She hugged her back, too stunned to think. “So, what now? Since we’re still bonded and all.”
Kate pulled away, their hands entwined. “I don’t know. Maybe we should speak with the school nurse, and our parents will need to know eventually.”
“Is your family okay with that? I mean, with me?”
Kate shrugged. “They’ll want us to get married.”
“Uh, I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
“Neither am I.”
“We should probably go to the nurse then, but I don’t think she’ll be happy to hear we’re bonded.”
“Why not?”
“She kind of told me not to ‘help’ you, and I kind of ignored her advice.”
Kate hummed. “I figured. But it’s not like either of us listened, or wanted to listen.”
“Kate Marsh wanted to have sex? With me?”
“Max, don’t act like you didn’t want to either.”
Max giggled. “Yeah, I really wanted to.”
Kate snuggled against the crook of her neck. “Let’s go then.”
4
The nurse took one look at Max’s antlers and knew why they came to her office. A disappointed look marred her face, but she didn’t seem surprised. She sat them down and handed them pamphlets, the kind you’d get from mandatory sex-ed lessons. But instead of telling them to never have sex, less they catch STDs and die, she gave a more practical explanation.
“I’m not going to tell you how stupid your actions were, you probably already know that. However, I hope you know how serious your situation’s become.” She flipped open one of the pamphlets and pointed to a diagram. “Bonded pairs need to spend at least three hours a day together. Any fewer than that, and they’ll suffer withdrawal. However, since Mrs. Marsh is a rabbit, she’ll need to spend a little over five hours with you,” she looked at Max. “Additionally, from now on suppressants won’t work for either of you. If you were adults, then I’d tell you to do what you will with that information, but you’re both still in school.”
“Is there anything we can do to manage this?” Kate asked.
“If you mean with heat, then I’m afraid not. But don’t use this as an excuse to not use protection.” She glared at Max.
“Totally. It’d suck if Kate got pregnant…Um, I heard bonded pairs can have shared dorms.”
“Yes, they can. You’ll need to consult the principal on it though, and your parents will be informed.”
“Is there a way they don’t need to be?” Kate asked.
The nurse shrugged. “It’s standard procedure Mrs. Marsh. Unless you plan to dredge up a thousand dollars on your own, your parents must be notified.”
Max held Kate’s hand under the table. She knew neither of their parents would take the news well, Kate’s especially; anything that interfered with her schoolwork was demonic temptation. But she promised to be by her side when that happened, so she couldn’t wuss out now. “So basically, we need to spend time together everyday?”
“Yes, about five hours a day. It’s important that each partner fulfills the other’s needs, emotional or otherwise. Effective communication also helps, letting your partner know what you want, whether you need space or affection.”
It sounded more like a prescription than relationship advice. “Okay, we’ll do that.”
Kate nodded while squeezing her hand. “Yeah.”
“Now, here comes the part where I tell you I’m legally obligated to notify the principal about your situation. And before you ask why, trust me, it’s for your own good. I’ve seen cases where the pair were bonded so strongly that they couldn’t even spend an hour apart, I had to tie them down to the gurneys.”
Max gulped. “That’s not common, right?”
“It’s more common than you think. So, it’s better to think of a plan now, while the two of you are still lucid.”
“Lucid?” Concern twisted Kate’s brows.
“Yes. Lucid. You won’t believe how crazy some people get when they’re away from their mate.”
“Wowser, that’s messed up.”
“It is.” She pulled out a clipboard with a document on it. “I’ll need your signatures to confirm that you’re a bonded pair, and that you’ll need the appropriate residence to receive medically required time together.”
‘Medically required?’ It’s not like she’d drop dead, only be extremely horny. Max pulled out a pen from her bag and handed Kate another one. For a moment, she pondered about how this would affect her life, her career as a future photographer. Would that mean she’d have to take Kate everywhere she went? Would Kate need to take her to church? Too many questions; too many possibilities. Max had enough of those today. She signed the document and gave Kate a reassuring look. Her girlfriend hesitated for a moment before doing the same, pen left abandoned on the white table. Max held her hand again, hoping Kate drew some comfort from it.
The nurse showed them out of her office. She assured them that this would be a private matter, but Max knew people would whisper once they were called into the principal’s office. What would they say? Who knows. It wouldn’t be the first time people talked shit behind her back, but the first time Kate got involved…She wanted to blame herself for all of this, for ignoring the nurse’s advice and causing their bond to form. But Kate said it herself, this was both their faults. ‘Faults,’ almost like it was a mistake. Technically it was, people their age should be focusing on school, not lifelong relationships. Still, she wondered how Kate felt about it.
Out in the park, where the cold autumn air flew past them like migrating birds, she looked at her girlfriend. Kate stared at the orange trees, littering the ground with leaves. They danced in the air, up and around before falling to the hazy ground. Her hand slid inside her bag, but she stopped herself. “Can I take a picture of you?”
“Sure. Should I look at you?”
“No.” Max pulled out her camera, framing her shot with care. “Just stay like that.”
It wasn’t hard to frame Kate inside her shot. She’d done it a million times by now. But Max didn’t care about the technicalities, only capturing the moment as it was. Sometimes it was a random tree that looked good in the daylight, or trucks driving off in the distance, or even a mirror selfie of her tired face in the morning. Many wondered why she took photos of those things; the mundane, the ordinary. But that’s what made them so special, to her anyway. There was beauty in anything if she looked hard enough. It made the world a lot less ‘boring.’
She snapped her camera and shook the polaroid a couple of times. Kate sat in the middle of it, autumn leaves dancing behind her, carried by the breezing wind. She showed her the picture, and Kate hummed in approval. Both held the polaroid, their fingers just millimeters apart. Max didn’t know if it was because of her rut, but she slid her hand around Kate’s and kissed her soft cheek. It was nice. This was nice; what they had and what they might become. Did her girlfriend feel the same?
“Do you,” Max started, “Think us bonding was a mistake?”
Kate narrowed her gaze. “What?”
“You said that ‘this’ was both our faults. So, I thought you also meant bonding.”
“No, I don’t think this was a mistake. To be honest, I had a feeling it’d happen sooner or later.”
“Oh? Why?”
“I’ve been feeling…lonelier than usual. Even when I hang out with other people, I don’t feel satisfied unless it’s with you.”
Max snickered. “Good then.”
“Max.” Kate sighed. “You know what I mean. I thought it was just stress from school, but now I know it’s just you.”
“Actually, that’s the thing. You heard the nurse, we can’t function unless we spend, like, five hours together. I don’t want you to regret bonding with me if it gets in your way, with what you want to do I mean.”
Kate thought for a moment. “I don’t really mind. Obviously the holidays will be hard, but I think we’ll manage. Besides, I’ll get to spend more time with you.”
“Yep. It’s ‘medically required’ now.” She smiled, thankful for Kate’s feelings.
“Mhm. You’ll need to take responsibility from now on.”
“Oh, what kind of ‘responsibility’?”
“You know what.”
“Actually, I don’t.”
“Max.”
She chuckled. “Yeah, I gotcha.”