Work Text:
It is not unusual for Yoongi to not respond to texts for a while, but when he disappears for a couple of days Seokjin has a bad feeling.
It’s the middle of the day when he knocks on Yoongi’s door, and when he finally opens Seokjin can’t help but deflate a little. He came here ready to wrangle the rapper out of his studio or drag him into a shower, but Yoongi seems smaller than normal, lost in a hoodie and sweats, eyes darting everywhere and seemingly only now adjusting to the light.
“Hyung?” His voice is raspy, unused. Seokjin sighs.
“Have you eaten today?” Yoongi seems to think about it, or maybe the words are hard to access. It has happened before, from time to time, when a particularly hard spell had hit him. Words became somewhat lost. Silences polluted his sentences. If nothing else, Seokjin can be patient. Yoongi finally nods. “Have you eaten a meal? A granola bar doesn’t count.” Yoongi looks down at his socks, then shakes his head. “Ok then,” Seokjin gently makes his way into the apartment.
It is bright in the living room and kitchen area, the blinds are fully open. It’s quiet, though, unusually quiet. Yoongi seems a bit lost, standing by his doorway after Seokjin closes the door behind him.
“I am going to make you some food, okay?” Jin starts walking to the kitchen, pleased when he can hear Yoongi shuffling behind him. “Do you want to take a shower now or sit with me while I cook?”
Yoongi doesn’t answer verbally. He looks at the hallway for a while, as if imagining himself going to the shower, but in the end he takes a seat at the kitchen island and rests his chin on his crossed arms. A glass of water appears next to him. There is a yellow straw in it that he thinks Jimin forgot here at some point, and a soft hand weaves through his hair for a second before disappearing.
“Drink it, please.”
Yoongi incorporates enough to bring the straw to his mouth and starts taking little sips, quickly realising how thirsty he is. He stares at the empty glass for a few seconds before looking up to Seokjin, who seems to be rinsing some rice in the other side of the kitchen.
“More?” He whispers.
“Do you want more water?”
Yoongi nods but lowers his gaze. He can get the water himself. He should be able to. He just has to get up and go to the sink. It’s four steps, five max. He should be able to—but he can’t, and he doesn’t have to. Seokjin has the glass full by the time Yoongi is done overthinking, so he leans forward to put the straw in his mouth again.
Jin keeps a light conversation going. He doesn’t actually expect Yoongi to answer, but it’s nice to listen to the older man talk while he cooks. Apparently Tae and Namjoon had dragged some of the others to a museum yesterday, and there might have been some sort of disagreement over dinner? Yoongi is not sure, he isn’t really able to follow everything Seokjin it’s saying, but he appreciates the effort. He can feel himself slowly trying to return to his body.
They eat mostly in silence, at least until Seokjin asks, “when did it start this time?”
Yoongi knows it’s not malicious. It’s not an attack. It’s just information that can help them know how to best move forward. He thinks back to his week. He was unusually tired on Monday, and maybe a bit too anxious a couple of days later? He can’t really remember. He shrugs.
“It wasn’t too bad until yesterday,” he adds. Jin hums. He takes Yoongi’s plate away when he notices he is just playing with the bit of food that is left.
“Do you think you want to take a shower now? You could also just change clothes if you want, to something that you haven’t slept on.” Seokjin knows it’s hard. He knows how the little things seem impossible. He also knows that fresh clothes help, that being clean and fed help. Yoongi looks up to him, and then to the hallway, and back to him.
“I think I can shower.”
“Okay. I’ll grab some clothes and leave them in the counter for you, okay? You just need to shower.”
The feeling of the water also helps. He starts a little cold, hoping it will help him snap out of it, but quickly moves to a warmer temperature when he starts shivering. He can hear Seokjin open and close the door to leave his clothes, and he is a little proud over the fact that, this time, his room isn’t actually a disaster. This time he opened the blinds, even opened the window a bit. He made the bed. His energy ran out afterwards, but he is trying.
When he comes out of the bathroom Seokjin is sitting on the couch looking at his phone. Yoongi doesn’t even hesitate to sit next to him and hand him a small towel. His hair is dripping, it’s been getting longer.
“Want me to dry your hair?” A nod. “Ok come here.” Seokjin leans on the arm on the couch so he is sitting sideways and moves Yoongi so he has his back to him. He is gentle with the towel, and starts talking again about something that happened at work that week. Yoongi listens and looks down at his hands. He feels a little better now, a bit more corporeal and less underwater.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers.
Seokjin stops and pulls on his shoulder so he can turn around to face him. Yoongi can feel the tears on his eyes. They don’t fall but they make everything blurry.
“You know you have nothing to be sorry about.”
“I am sorry anyways.”
Seokjin sighs, cradles his face and kisses his forehead.
“Yoongi, you are doing so well. You opened your window.”
“You noticed.”
“Of course. The first time I came into your room while you were in the middle of a depressive episode it felt like the air was three hundred years old. I wondered how you could still find oxygen in it.”
Yoongi can’t help the small chuckle that leaves him. He can’t deny it.
“Of course I noticed. You are doing so so well. You are letting me help, and we know it comes back from time to time, it’s okay. If it doesn’t get better in a few days we’ll make an appointment with your doctor, okay?”
Yoongi sniffles and dries his tears with his sleeve.
“Okay.”
“Good. We can cuddle and watch something, now. I’ll even let you nap on me."