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„It will get easier as the time passes.“, they said, but Tori didn’t believe them. It’s been a week and it didn’t seem any easier. In fact, every day without Jade West in this world seemed even more and more painful. „You should celebrate small victories every day.“, they also said. Still, her victory was the fact that she was still breathing. How could she move on? As strange as it may seem, the goth was the light in her life. Maybe she wore black every day, maybe she would frown all the time, but there was something deep and powerful in her eyes that would infuse people with life.
It was the hardest in the morning. Tori would wake up in an empty bed, in an empty house. She'd raise the blinds, remembering how Jade always hated meeting the first rays of the sun. Technically, she hated everything, but she was always passionate. Tori liked to brag about the fact that she was one of the very little things she loved. Then, she’d go to the bathroom, and find goth’s many hair dyes and the parfume she used to apply every day, sitting on the shelf. Sometimes, Tori would open the bottle and smell it, too afraid to spray, too afraid that her last memory of Jade would be faded away along with the perfume.
A month after their high school graduation, Jade had a video audition for „Sex And Drugs And Rock And Roll“. She found out that she got the lead role on the same day that the rest of the group was enrolling in college. Tori was happy for her - she really was, but the fact that she would now inevitably lose her scared her beyond measure. She smiled, remembering the look on Jade’s face when they told her that she wouldn’t be able to have colourful locks. A few days after that, she dyed her hair pure black – she was supposed to start filming in October. The days were passing, so did Jade’s appereance with them. A month before she left, goth appeared in front of Tori’s house, drunk and in tears. She told her that she didn’t want to leave, but that it was her only opportunity. Then she confessed her feelings for her.
Tori hated Beck. And, of course, she hated herself even more than him, because she knew that the Canadian was not to blame for what happened next. They simply didn’t have enough time. He and Jade had four years of their lives, but, what about them? Everything happened so quickly, almost in just a month. Tori has just moved into her new apartment, a few streets away from her old house. It was affordable and close to the college, so she saw it as a good opportunity. Jade moved in with her. She was leaving in twenty-eight days, and the filming was supposed to last the whole year. That wasn’t enough time... never enough...
In less than a month, they had to live the next few years of their lives. How else would they bear twelve months of separation? It was splendidly and it was painful. The day before she left, they threw her a farewell party. It was the first time anyone but Tori or Cat had seen her crying. In fact, everyone cried at one point, some of them earlier, some of them later. It wasn’t fair. They were just a bunch of teenagers trying to live a normal life. They may have argued often, but they still cared about each other. Even more than they expected. Why did everything have to end so tragically?
On the day of her departure, Jade told her that she loved her. It was the first time Tori has heard that from her without them rehearsing for Sikowitz’s play. It was as if some bad feeling told her that this was the last time she would have the chance to say it to her.
The next day, Jade called her from a taxi in New York. She said that the city was beautiful and that she wished that she was there. „I’ll try 365 days to get to you.“, Tori made a lame joke, launching into a song Andre wrote for her. Jade didn’t have time to reply, or at least tease her. The next thing heard was an ear-splitting screech. The rest of the events was blurred. Tori remembered calling her again, but goth didnt answer. She wasn’t sure how did she end up in Andre’s house, or when did she leave her own. She remembered the plane ride. Then she heard the monitor beeping and saw blood spread all over Jade’s shirt.
The funeral was a disaster. The room was full of people that didn’t even know her. It’s funny how people always idealize the dead ones, as if it diminishes the fact that they were neglected while they were alive. But, Tori wasn’t afraid to say it: Jade was a jealous person, filled with anger and hatred. Yet, she also knew how to love, and when she loved, she did it more sincerely than anyone Tori has ever met. She wondered if the people who were currently hanging their heads, feigning mourning, asking for pity, knew that. People might think that the real hero was her father, who never gave her at least a little bit of love and support, but dared to give a speech, anyway. He played such a wonderful game, as if he was there for his daughter all the time, as if he did notice that she’s been going through a really hard period, even causing panic attacks (but, no, he didn’t even know who was her best friend, let alone that).
Maybe the real hero was her mother, who did nothing, even though she knew that her new boyfriend has beaten up and sexually harrased her daughter (many times), before she’s moved out to live with her father? Or Jade’s stepmother, who didn’t even bother to at least feign grief? No. The biggest heroes were Andre, Robbie and Beck, who helped the six carry the coffin. The biggest hero was Cat, who was supposed to sing a song with Andre, but she started crying as soon as she opened her mouth and simply withdrew. The hero was also Jade’s half - brother, who was too young to understand what happened, so he just stood there knowing that he missed her. At one point he shouted: „I don’t understand! When will she come back?“, His father just gave him an emotionaless look, his mother not even reacting.
Tori mainly stuck to Andre, Cat, Robbie and Beck. She couldn’t stand the rest of the „mourners“. Most of them were actually other students from Hollywood Arts who hated her and relatives who remembered her existence only now, when she was two meters above the ground. The only one who seemed to actually care (except the gang, of course) was Sikowitz. And, for a moment, Tori couldn’t take it anymore. She told Jade’s father that he should be ashamed of himself for not accepting his daughter for who she was and playing the supportive parents now, when she's gone. She told Jade’s stepmother that she doesn’t understand why she was at the funeral at all, when everyone knew that she came there only because of Mr. West’s credit card. Then she turned to goth’s mother, telling her that people can tell when love is feigned, and that she is free to go back to her boyfriend, until he beats her up, too.
Then she said loudly, so everyone could hear her, that none of them knew Jade at all, and that they wouldn’t even be able to name three things that she loved. Why the acting? Why fake grief? Why do people pretend to care, only when the other person is gone? Then she approached goth’s little brother, saying that his sister was there and always will be, but she just couldn't be seen anymore. Tori also told him that she would always be there with him, as long as he remmembers her. But, when he said that he wanted to see her, that he missed her and wanted to play „Monsters and Scissors“ with her again, Tori couldn’t hold back the tears. When he asked why she was crying, she replied that she cut the onions a few hours ago and that she’s accidentally touched her eyes. „Does that mean that Cat, Andre, and Robbie cut the onions, too?“, Tori nodded.
She left, unable to take it any longer, leaving the rest of the guests in awe. If she’s not there when they put the coffin down, it might not be real. Cat, Beck, Andre and Robbie were obviously thinking the same way. When Tori reached the parking lot, they were already there.
Then, quite unexpectedly, she heard the opening theme of „The Scissorsing“.
*
She opened her eyes in the semi-darkness. „Jade?“
„Sorry.“, she heard her muttering. „I forgot to turn off the medication alarm. Hey... are you... crying?“
She snorted softly and wiped a tear with her hand. „It’s nothing.“
„The same dream, again?“, goth towered over her. Tori nodded. „You have to stop worrying.“, she whispered and kissed her temple. „It will take more than a drunk driver and a stupid taximan for you to get rid of me.“
After Jade’s car accident, Tori moved to New York. She came under the pretense that she wanted to take care of her (even though they both knew that goth would rather die than let others take care of her). After that, Tori actually realized that she absolutely couldn't lose her, and that it would be okay to sacrifice college for one of her biggest dreams. Of course, Jade disagreed, advocating Tori to pursue her own happines indenpendently of her. She had no idea that she was the source of her happiness. As for the series in which she got the main role in, the director was kind enough not to replace her with another actress, but to wait until she fully recovers. Sponsors even paid for their apartment, food and other stuff.
„Did your fever come down?“
„It did.“
„But, did you take your pills?“
„Two hours ago.“
„And for the hand?“
„Yes, mom.“
„A-“
Jade interrupted her with a kiss. „Stop worrying.“, she said as she moved away from her. „I am fine. You are fine. Everything will be all right.”, Then, she placed her head on her chest. Tori wrapped one arm around her, making sure not to touch her where she was hurt.
„Good night, Jade.“, Tori said, running her fingers through her hair like she was petting a cat.
She laughed softly and snorted at that. „Good night, Vega.“