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Red Tape & Fuzzy Handcuffs

Summary:

Space Prison AU!Hetalia x Cute!Small!Male!Guard!Reader

Heta Prison: A place for the worst of the worst. The Galaxy's infamous criminals are sent to live the rest of their remaining time on a giant floating meteor in the Keplar System. Now, with the cutest little addition added to the Guard's roster, can little (Y/n) make it to retirement alive? Or will he be another sad coffin on the next morning train?

Notes:

Human Names For This Chapter:

Belarus-Natalya Arlovskaya
England-Arthur Kirkland
Prussia-Gilbert Beilschmidt
Germany-Ludwig Beilschmidt
South Italy-Lovino Vargas

Chapter 1: Welcome to Heta Prison

Chapter Text

     Natalya Arlovskaya, Warden of Heta Prison, is a woman who prefers nails for her breakfast cereal. She's a woman of cold iron with an unbendable will. Her gaze alone has frozen over hell. So, it came as a surprise when she picked (Y/n) (L/n) from the Falcon System. (Y/n) was the complete opposite of Warden Arlovskaya in every way -he's cute, small, and a sweetheart. The only thing that the two share is a curvaceous area from mid-drift to knees -making large hips and thicker thighs. Yet, Warden Arlovskaya had complete confidence in the small male's abilities.

     At least, that's what Captain Arthur Kirkland of Cell Block B tells himself. He's been in Heta Prison for the longest, a former inmate that became a guard after proving himself to Warden Arlovskaya. He knows when someone's meant to be here and when they're just going to end up in a coffin.; 90% of the time, he's correct. So, upon looking at the new guard that he was in charge of, Captain Kirkland couldn't help but pity him.
  "Guard (L/n)! Reporting for duty sir!" The small male in a blackish-gray uniform saluted. Despite his human-like appearance, Captain Kirkland knew better. Those that came from the Falcon System were generally smaller, had greater stamina, and were much more durable than humans.
  "Right... And Warden Alrovskaya put you under my command in what sector?" Captain Kirkland pinched the bridge of his nose, annoyed with his new help already.
  "Maximum Security, Sir!"
  "Wonderful, I'm sending a kid to a slaughter." Captain Kirkland mumbled under his breath. (Y/n) had just turned 18, legally allowed to work in prisons. His background made him flawless and overqualified, for any prison in the Falcon System -where rehabilitation and education are the main focus. Heta Prison is a death sentence and punishment prison, full of horny male prisoners who only see females when it's the Warden or Solitary Captains. Maximum Security is for prisoners who are too dangerous to interact with any prisoners and have repeatedly injured guards on duty. Many are so bad that even solitary can't fix them. And for someone like (Y/n)? That's most certainly grounds for either rape or death.

     "Follow me" Captain Kirkland grunted, grabbing his keycard. Little (Y/n), who barely reached Captain Kirkland's nose, followed closely behind. The ride down the elevator slowed with a slight stutter, causing both to cringe. Some of the equipment was outdated and certainly could use updates.
  "Until Gilbert updates the bio-scanners with your identification, I'll assign you to follow Ludwig Beilschmidt." Captain Kirkland huffed.
  "Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!" 
  "No need to address me as such. Please call me Captain Kirkland on duty." He rolled his eyes at the boy. At the harsh tone of his Captain, (Y/n) slightly deflated. Walking behind Captain Kirkland, (Y/n) took time to around the prison. The cells were closed by a large, light blue, laser-light screen. It doesn't hurt the prisoners when they touch it, but it does hurt if you try and force your way out. The prisoners wolf-whistled and cat-called (Y/n) as they headed to Maximum Security - Cell Block B. Each had a different comment that made the hardened Captain groan.
  "Hey, hey Beautiful!"
  "What's a curvy thing like you working here?"
  "Another lamb for the slaughter, Killer Kirkland? Might as well put 'im out of his misery now!"
  "SUCK MY COCK, CUTIE!"

     Lovino Vargas, a guard of very little enthusiasm, spat out his drink as he saw Captain Kirkland come in with the new guard. Lovino acts like a prisoner that reformed, but he's actually a straight, no-nonsense male from the Keplar System. His Grandfather is the judge that sends most of the prisoners to Heta Prison, even 3/5 of his own grandchildren.
  "Oh, hell no. That isn't the help Natalia fucking gave us?!" He coughed. The hot, bitter drink burned his tongue from the spit-take.
  "'Fraid so. Where's Ludwig?"
  "On a break with his lazy ass brother. He's not going to be back until Midnight. So, kid, what's your name?"
  "I'm (Y/n) (L/n), sir!"
  "Kid, don't. Kirkland, he's going to die. March your ass back to Nat and tell her no."
  "He's a special request from Warden Alrovskaya. Even if we convinced her, he can't leave until his 20 years are up."
  "Shit." Lovino started to clean up the larger coffee mess.
  "Why is everyone saying I'm going to die?! Can't you give me a chance?!" (Y/n)'s whine rang in the males' ears, causing a slight blush on both of their faces.

     "Look, kid, I'm going to give you the best advice that'll save your life. Find the biggest, nicest, toughest guy in prison, and let him fuck you for protection-" Lovino was cut off by the boy's determined features.
  "Out of respect sir, Warden Alrovskaya has full faith in my abilities as a prison guard. Otherwise, she would've sent me to Solitary or Minimum Security, perhaps she wouldn't have hired me at all. If it's all right with you, I would like to start my duties."