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Kohane was absolutely, no question, the best partner in the world. This was something An Shiraishi knew at a very deep level within her. Partner… it was a really flexible word. She could shout out to the heavens that Kohane was the perfect partner, and she obviously meant as a singing partner. That’s what she meant others to hear, but in her heart she meant something more than that.
At least in her heart, she adored imagining Kohane as another sort of partner. One who’d always be there for her, one for her to hug and kiss and profess her love to every day. Kohane would be the best romantic partner in the world, that much she was sure of. Every time she said it, told Kohane how amazing she was as a partner, her mind always went there. Did people know this? Did Kohane know this? She had no idea… If Kohane did know, she didn’t say anything about it.
She at least knew that Akito knew.
“Confess you dumbass, you’re all over her you may as well.”
Every once and a while he’d tell her something like this, he was right, Akito usually was…
But she knew that wouldn’t be possible, there was too much risk. She needed Kohane by her side forever, and as singing partners… it was just about possible. Fragile, but possible. Confessing though… she’s tried that before. She’s seen how girls react after a confession, seen how they distanced themselves. Even the best friendships could change on a whim, keeping these feelings close… she had to.
These thoughts reminded her of something, some advice she was ignoring… her own. She could never get the full story from Mizuki, but An knew they were hiding away. Scared of being left alone if the girl they cared so much for decided to leave.
And now An was ignoring her own words, her own encouragement for Mizuki. To go for it before it was too late.
‘I’ve seen Akito’s sister, she’s pretty, scoop her up while you can Mizuki.’ She’d half joked. Some part of her wanted to follow her own words. Kohane is pretty… she’s incredible. She’d have to scoop her up while she can. Before…
It was too late. Not that An had planned to heed her own warning… but it was really too late now.
“Um… something strange happened today.” Kohane spoke up, just before practice.
“Strange… how?”
“Today at school… I got confessed to.”
The three of them nearly fell out of their seats. Even Ken nearby seemed taken by surprise.
“Confessed… I see, so Akiyama was right… all girls schools are like that.” Toya pondered. In another scenario, An might have laughed, but her heart was clenched too tight to get any enjoyment out of the statement… she had to know.
“Um, Kohane, who was it… what did you say?”
Kohane turned her gaze down but… her face was red, she was smiling. It was over before she even spoke. “It was um… Minori-chan. I said yes… it’s still strange to imagine, b-but I think I’ve got a girlfriend now.”
“Congratulations Kohane!” An bit back whatever it was she wanted to say. She saw Akito out of the corner of her eye, he looked concerned. “There’s nothing more street punk than being gay, I can tell you that much.”
“Does that mean I’m street punk too?” Toya’s eyes sparkled, “I’m bi, does that still qualify?”
“It super does, good job! Kohane, you gotta bring her along to a show sometime.”
Kohane nodded, “Yes, I swear I will. Um… so let’s practice extra hard today.”
That sounded nice… maybe it would take her mind off the mistake she’d just made. The mistake she’s been making for months.
They’d always known An was right, as hypocritical as her advice was, they knew Ena would find someone… they’d be ok with that. They’d have to be. It would hurt a little for a while.
“Hey, so I know we usually do our celebration dinners on Saturdays… but can we push it back a day?”
A reasonable request for Ena. Their new song was about to release, planning for their weekend celebration was underway.
“That’s fine with me.” Yuki replied, as cold as ever. Kanade simply nodded on video call.
“I’m good for Sunday, but what for? Is the super important Enanan all busy on Saturday?”
“Hmph, well make fun all you want but I actually am. I’ve got a date.”
“I see… a date? Have fun Enanan.”
“I finally got off my ass and confessed… I would definitely recommend it, it worked for me.”
Ena smirked… but she’d said… confessed?
“Like, a love confession? It’s that sorta date?”
“Yup. Confessing to Airi… it was hard throughout middle school, but I finally got around to it and here we go! A proper date with… my girlfriend.”
Her face looked so smug… Kanade congratulated her again, Mafuyu didn’t care.
Mizuki… all they could do was say a weak congrats and log off for the night. It hurt… they knew it would hurt, but it was piercing. They couldn’t think about anything else, Mizuki wouldn’t be sleeping well that night. They woke up to a wet pillow case… they needed to go to school. Get out of their room. If going to school was their best option that wasn’t a good sign…
Mizuki was at school today… that was a huge relief. An really needed a good friend to talk to, and Akito and Toya… felt too close to the matter.
“Hey Mizuki, good morning!”
“Eh… it’s not that good.” They took a seat… clearly in a slump as well.
“Mizuki you look like shit, you doing ok?”
“Ehh… I should’ve listened to you. I waited to long and… well Ena got with someone else.” They chuckled a bit to themselves, “You should follow your own advice too, y’know?”
“Before Kohane gets with someone? Too late… sounds like yesterday was shit for both of us.”
An felt a hand on her back, “Comforting me now? Well… whatever, I’m glad you came today.”
She got a text from Akito at the beginning of lunch asking if she wanted to come eat with him and Toya… she declined for today.
“Mizuki, wanna eat on the roof today?”
“Sure.” They replied, but they still seemed a bit… out of it. From the moment they’d walked into class, they were never fully present. She’d hoped Mizuki would cheer her up… but it looked like it would be the opposite.
Walking through the halls got them both stares, mostly Mizuki. Now was really not the day for it… this really annoyed An. She’d OFFERED to beat the assholes up… but Mizuki has told her not to. Honestly, she should’ve ignored Mizuki and went ahead with it anyway.
Arriving at the roof, each took a seat on the floor. An hadn’t been up here much, but she knew Mizuki practically lived here some days.
“An… any idea how to mend a broken heart?”
“Pfft, if I knew I would… I think we just have to hurt for a little while.”
Mizuki placed their head in their knees, “That’s stupid though.”
“What else do people do though? It’s pretty much just that or a rebound…”
“Yeah, some wonderful options huh...”
An pulled out her lunch, may as well get some food…
“An… have you done it before? Gotten past something like this?”
“Sort of… but it was never this bad. Kohane was…” special. Kohane was special. “Mizuki can you come tomorrow too? I don’t want to be sad alone.”
The girl smiled, “Yeah, sounds fine to me. Needy lil An needs her company.”
“Just for you I do.” An gave them a little wink, then returned to her food. She’d been worried about them when they’d arrived all glum… but it seemed like it was working out fine. They’d suffer through the heartbreak together and it would probably be fine. Other fish in the sea, blah blah blah.
The two spent the rest of the week together, with rooftop lunches to take their mind off of the issue.
However, that could only get them so far… Mizuki still talked to Ena every night, and An… well meeting with Kohane in person, singing together… the pain never really went away.
The weekend especially gave the two some nice time to stew in their own thoughts, nothing good would come of that… but An couldn’t stop herself from indulging the what ifs. What could have gone differently. She didn’t know for sure, but An was fairly sure Mizuki was doing something similar. They were alike in some ways…
The next day at lunch, the two met up once again… without much fixed.
“An why is it so shitty… all of it.”
She didn’t really have an answer, “I’m honestly getting to the point where I’m considering a rebound sorta thing… don’t know how or who, but maybe that would get my mind off it? I’ve heard it works but…”
“An, that’s a straight people thing.”
“Nope, plenty of gays in Weekend Garage looking for a one night stand with whoever, just to try to move on from… something.”
“That sorta requires another person though… you could manage, I definitely can’t.”
An chuckled, “You think you can’t pull? Y’know this school isn’t exactly a perfect snapshot of the lesbian dating pool. Except me, I’m the quintessential lesbian.”
“Pfft, that’s true. What though, you offering?” They laughed a bit to themselves then returned to their food…
Was she? An looked at Mizuki… they were pretty, that’s for sure. A fact that went over most of their classmates’ heads. There was already a bond of trust… she didn’t need to worry about finding the right sort of person, she’d trust Mizuki with… a lot actually.
“And… what if I am?”
“Hmm?” Mizuki turned to face her, still eating some of their lunch. It took them a bit to process her statement, and once they did they nearly dropped their food out from their mouth. “H-huh??? Wait… are you?? Girl uh…”
“I… I dunno, if I’m considering a rebound sorta thing then it’s gotta be with a trustworthy person, that’s definitely you.” She honestly wasn’t sure what she was propositioning here… Was it as far as she thought she was implying?
“Y’know Mizuki… my dad’s out tonight, he’d be fine with me having a friend over.”
Mizuki’s mouth hung agape, emptied of words and the food they’d swallowed. This was understandable… but it made the atmosphere pretty fucking awkward.
“I-It’s fine, sorry I don’t wanna make you feel… you can just forget I said anything.”
“You uhh… think it would work? Help in any way?” They’d turned their head away, unable to face her.
“Heh… well only one way to find out, huh?”
“Hey Dad! Can I have a friend over tonight? I don’t wanna be lonely…”
“What kind of friend… probably, but I need to meet them first.”
“Sure sure! Their name’s Mizuki, pretty sure I’ve mentioned them before.”
“Ah right, yeah I remember. If I can meet them before I head out, it’s all good.”
She felt a bit bad hiding the truth from her dad… but it would probably be fine. She shot Mizuki a quick text to get there as soon as they could.
About an hour later, they showed up with a little duffle bag. It felt like having a friend over for a sleepover, it had been years since she’d been able to do that. This wouldn’t be like her past sleepovers though.
“Ah… hello Mr. Shiraishi. Thank you for h-having me.”
“Please, just call me Ken.” He laughed, placing a hand on their incredibly nervous shoulder. “Dinner’s in the fridge, you can just heat up the leftovers. An sleeps in too late, so wake her up at a reasonable hour, alright?”
Mizuki nodded, apparently taking down his words as some mental checklist.
“Alright I’m out, I’ll be back tomorrow” He gave the girls a wave and left. It didn’t feel fine anymore… she actually felt super guilty.
“So umm… are we gonna…” Mizuki rocked back and forth on the spot, trying their best to dance around the subject.
“Something something… at least take me to dinner first? I’m as lost as you, let’s just eat.”
They went to the Shiraishi kitchen and heated up the leftovers in silence. An felt pretty lame right now… shouldn’t she be saying something? Setting the mood? Flirting? How did you flirt with a girl again?
She set Mizuki’s plate down in front of them. “Open wide…” She forced a wink and went back to her own seat, questioning why the hell she’d said anything at all if it was going to be… that.
“Geez An, you sound nervous.” They gave a coy smile… the bitch.
“Y-you look nervous! Shut up, just eat.”
“Alright, but uh… we probably should talk about… it.”
Mizuki was right, as they often were. “Alright um… so we’ll eat, have uh… y’know, then do whatever friends do at a sleepover.”
“An, you can say the word… not just ‘y’know’. Sex, the word is sex. Nothing to be embarrassed about.” They seemed… remarkably calm.
“What’s gotten you all… relaxed. Are you seriously not nervous?”
“Eh…” they continued eating, “I’m at a point where we’re so far along in planning it would be more awkward to stop… so I think my brain overrode my nerves for now.”
That… was reasonable. An tried her best to follow, rewiring her brain to shut down the part making her act like a fool. This… backfired.
“An you can’t… make your brain override your nerves, are you really trying?”
“No…” she lied, digging into the food for the first time.
Once the meal was done, the dishes were put away properly, and the table cleaned… they ran out of things to delay the inevitable.
Was it really inevitable? Mizuki had said it would be awkward to cancel now, and that may be true, but they still had time. They could just have a regular sleepover, it would be fine. There was nothing STOPPING her from stopping this. Though… maybe there was one thing. The fact that… she didn’t really want to stop it.
It would help them move on, surely… maybe she didn’t need to think about it too much.
Mizuki’s nerves seemed to have returned by the time they reached An’s bedroom, it was kinda cute seeing them go a bit wide eyed once they remembered what they were doing.
“Last chance to back out if you don’t wanna. Well… ok that’s not true, we can stop at any time.”
“No I’m fine… its just…” they looked around the room, “um… how do we start.”
“How about we start like… making out a bit and seeing where it goes.” She wasn’t sure where the confidence was coming from, maybe seeing Mizuki shaken had helped her calm down a bit… knowing for sure she wasn’t the only one probably overthinking the whole thing.
She wrapped an arm around the girl, and pulled them in for a kiss… a clumsy kiss, but it got the job done. Mizuki gave a little squeak before following suit and hugging An a bit closer. This wasn’t An’s first kiss but…
“I stole your first just now, didn’t I?” She gave a little grin. Mizuki simply nodded, barely able to look her in the eye. Today was definitely going to be fun.
The kisses started blending together, and pretty soon An had managed to pull them both down onto the bed. Their body felt so warm… something which really shouldn’t be a shock, bodies were warm, but it felt special… notable. She could feel them pressed on top of her like a little weight, a weight she was awfully focused on kissing. She felt something against her leg…
“Mizuki… you’re excited, huh?”
They nodded… then realized what An was actually referring to, “Shit… uh ignore that.”
“Up to you, but you know I don’t care… right?”
“I know but… it still feels odd… like it breaks the illusion a bit.”
“Oi now hang on a second.” She pushed them off to her side, “Illusion of what? I’m under no illusions, I literally told you to bring condoms. You did… right?”
“Y-yeah but… it’s still different and all.”
“Gay sex is already different and it’s cool as fuck, who cares. Like… only what you’re comfortable with and all, but I don’t give a shit, ok?”
Once again, they nodded without a word.
“Hey, chin up ok? You’re alone with a pretty girl who’s kissing you, try to smile a bit.”
“Damn, I’ve been kissing myself? That’s news to me.” they flashed their signature shit eating grin, back to normal.
“Shut it, I need compliments too y’know. Of course you’re pretty.”
She brushed a bit of Mizuki’s hair off their face, and went back for some more kisses. It didn’t take long for clothes to start coming off… they really were gorgeous.
She probably stared a bit too long… but it was her only chance, right? It was fine to take it in a little, they had time.
She’d always known Mizuki had their fair share of insecurities… but it takes an intimate moment like this to really see to the heart of it. They second guessed their every move, terrified they were on the brink of ruining… something. But An was good at keeping the mood light, making sure they knew she was having fun, and that they should be too.
Very little about it felt sexy… but it was nice. Having someone there to share the moment with, it almost didn’t matter who…
But it did, it absolutely mattered. Nothing about this would’ve been fun with any random girl, it was a special sort of familiarity she could really only have with Mizuki.
She’d always heard your first sex was bad… maybe that had a bit of truth to it. It wasn’t very good as… sex, but An’s mind felt a bit clearer. She couldn’t know for sure, but she was fairly sure it had worked for their original goal.
She threw on one of her oversized pajama shirts and headed to the door, “I’m gonna get us some water… ok?”
“Hydrations important for a singer. I’ll just… lay here.”
They did just that as An left for the kitchen.
Her mind was flooding with thoughts… mostly about tomorrow. Was the plan… still to just go back to some sort of ‘normal’? An really couldn’t imagine that…
They’d seen each other vulnerable, sides they’d only shown to one another. Sure they could… but she didn’t really want to. Shit maybe it hadn’t worked as planned… just fueling her yearning more.
She brought two glasses of water back to her room, handing one to her… friend, Mizuki.
“You got a sore throat,” she teased, “would be reasonable after…”
“You kid but yes, and I need to save my beautiful voice so…” they took a long sip.
It took a lot of willpower to not respond with some affirmation that yes, they do have a beautiful voice. Flirting time was over… no fun.
“Hey Mizuki… did you have a good time?”
They went a bit red, trying to hide behind their clear glass of water to no avail, “W-well what do you think.”
“I think we both had fun, and… maybe we could do it again sometime.”
Mizuki damn near dropped the glass on An’s bed. They stammered something out but it was hardly coherent.
“Y’know like… a friends with benefits thing? We’re already friends, and if we both like the benefits then…”
“S-Sure…”
Their plan to share the bed that night seemed… a bit awkward in hindsight. They didn’t discuss the matter further, they’d been blindly stumbling through the night enough, they needed to properly relax. They needed something easier to understand.
Holding Mizuki close that night felt… easy to understand.
The walk to the school the next day was… strange. If Mizuki had planned to skip today, they’d apparently changed their mind overnight.
“Two days in a row, huh? And not during a test period? What a model student.”
“Yeah yeah whatever.” They responded in their usual sort of tone, a familiar tone, but they didn’t meet her eyes. Ever since they’d woken up, Mizuki had been avoiding her eyes. Hopefully they’d get past whatever nerves they were feeling soon, but for now it was kind of cute.
The two attended class as normal, though today they ate with Akito and Toya rather than on the roof together.
The two had decided that, at least for now, they’d keep their… whatever it was… a secret. No use spreading it around, it was likely temporary. Likely? No… definitely.
Akito sent a few weird faces An’s way during lunch, picking up on the… vibes between her and Mizuki. Toya didn’t notice, not that he ever did. Akito would stay in the dark though, he could make all the faces he wanted.
Mizuki was always going to be one to skip sometimes, but they’d been coming more and more recently. In fact, by now they showed up more than they skipped.
“You must miss me so much when you’re not around, what a shame.”
“Sure, that must be it.” They rolled their eyes, “Maybe I just want to be a good student for once, though you wouldn’t know anything about that.”
“H-hey, I may be bad at tests and stuff, but I’m a good student!”
They laughed and took their seat without another word. Cocky bitch…
While An didn’t have proof, she was fairly sure she was actually the reason. Most lunch periods with Mizuki present were spent together on the roof, the empty roof with no one around to watch them sit far closer than most ‘friends’, and no one around to watch them steal kisses every once and a while. If that’s what it took to get Mizuki to attend school, An was completely on board with that.
They didn’t have the opportunity to get quite as intimate as before, but it was still nice. She’d never felt fully comfortable… flirting with Kohane. Expressing some affection maybe, but there was always that protection of it being as just friends. She could never cross that line, there was always some fear holding her back. It was fun to not have to hide, to not have to tiptoe around.
The two of them ended up spending a lot more time outside of school together as well. They’d show up at Weekend Garage during her shifts, the two would hang out after class. An’s jokes about them missing her might not be too far off, they were sticking to her like glue. They’d pout when An was too busy to hang out, but a few kisses would usually take their mind off it.
“An… can you hear me.”
“Huh?” Akito was standing right next to her looking a bit ticked off. Mizuki had just walked her to VBS’s usual meeting spot, and apparently Akito had shown up while she was lost in thought.
“I saw Akiyama on my way here, you walk with them or something?”
She grinned, “Why, are you jealous? Too bad, they’re all mine.”
“See, that.” He pointed right in her face, “What the hell is up with that? Are two dating?”
“Nope!” She laughed a bit, technically not a lie.
“Really? Cause I was fairly sure I saw you two making out the other day around the side of the school.”
Shit… well, their faults for doing it so openly. “Ok ok that’s true, but we’re really not dating. It’s more… casual. Friends with benefits thing, you know?”
He groaned, “Oh that’s worse… you two are fucking???”
“Yup! Ah… well… only the once but…”
He raised an eyebrow at her, “That doesn’t sound like friends with benefits, that sounds like dating.”
“N-no, but we just haven’t had time.” Even she was having a hard time believing her own words.
“So, how long has this been going on for?”
“Hmm… about two months?”
“So in two months, you’ve had no time to be friends with benefits, but you HAVE had time to make out who knows where, go on dates together while holding hands, and yes I’ve seen you two doing that, as well as flirt within earshot of me. God knows what you’re doing when I’m not around, but it ain’t fucking.”
“W-when you put it like that it sounds like a couple, but seriously we aren’t.”
But it sure did feel like they were… “God, Akito have we been basically dating???”
“That’s what it looks like from my perspective.”
They really hadn’t followed through on the benefits part huh, unless those benefits meant going on dates and… oh god they’d been dating in everything but name… haven’t they?
“Damn… guess I should ask them out for real, huh?”
That night they’d planned to hang out at An’s for another sleepover. Her dad was home, so nothing too risqué, but it was a good chance to talk.
“Hey An, I got an anime downloaded on my laptop for us to binge. It’s super gay, you’ll love it.”
“Sure! But I uh… wanted to talk to you about something.”
They flopped onto An’s bed, “I’m all ears.”
“S-so… it’s come to my attention that, as friends with benefits, we really haven’t um… been doing that. In fact it sorta feels like we’re dating if you think about it.”
They looked a bit guilty, “Ah… you noticed.”
“D-did you?? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“An, not saying anything is sorta my thing. That’s what got both of us to this point, are you really surprised?”
Put that way… no she was not surprised. “I was just… nervous. I liked what we had going, so I didn’t want to push anything.”
“Well I do. Mizuki wanna just say we’ve been girlfriends for the past two months and go from there?”
“Y-yeah.” They sunk into the bed a bit, curling up from embarrassment.
“Also you’re fucking adorable. Now show me gay anime.”
They spent the rest of the night wrapped around one another. The anime was gay… but so were they.