Work Text:
It kinda..hurts?
you never expected it to hurt much less feel so..suffocating, as if the air no longer gives any oxygen.
You where angry first as usual and with that the hurtful words fueled by betrayal and pain came out.
The self hatred reared its ugly head and pointed accusing fingers towards him. He said some horrible things aswell you're unsure who started it and even if he wasn't the one who betrayed you he deserved the stuff you said. Whoever said 'don't shoot the messenger' is dumb, the messenger in this scenario isn't fucking innocent.
But then it got quiet too quiet and your rage left as if it where never there to begin with. Without it the heavy feeling started blossoming and with no anger to hide from it, it came with a vengeance.
You cant even speak, your mouth wont open and even if it did nothing would come out. Even after 40 min you can only croak out quiet answers because talking any more might break you and you refuse to let him see that. you aren't that weak. you're not. you. are. NOT.
you didn't break down and you didn't cry but the feeling haven't disappeared yet. It's still heavy, still that pressure in your head, still the clenching feeling in your chest, still..no anger.
Its almost empty without that kindled flame of anger that accompanies you. But now nothings there, just empty except that horrid suffocating feeling.
You dont like it
not at all
you want your rage back, you want the feeling of heat pumping through your veins instead of this cold silence.
you don't like feeling this way
you feel..weak
far too weak
as if you are one wrong word away from a breakdown.
it makes you wanna cry even though you hate crying.
maybe rescheduling those breakdowns was a bad idea, maybe.