Chapter Text
Harry Potter was a man who had almost lost everything. He had fought in a war and came out a broken person. At such a young age so much pressure was placed on him and even after the war he still had so much people had expected him to do.
There was one thing that Harry took to without any complaining. After Remus and Tonks’ death during the Battle of Hogwarts, Andromeda had not only lost her daughter but her husband was also gone. Teddy Lupin was left in a difficult place. Both his parents were killed and his grandmother was unable to grieve for her child with him around, it was an emotional afternoon when she confessed this fact to Harry.
“I’m sorry to burden you with this but he is so much like Dora was,” Andromeda had said, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. “He has her ability you know. Whenever he cries his hair changes colour, any emotion sends it wild. I need time to let her go.”
Harry had no other idea of what to do. He had taken the woman’s hand and promised to care for Teddy until she felt better. He knew how grief can be overwhelming, he knew the constant reminders didn’t help, so at the very least, he could do this for her.
It had taken a full day to move Teddy to Grimmauld Place. It was not an ideal place for a child but it would do.
Those first few weeks were trying for the poor hero. He was unsure of how to care for a baby and if it weren’t for Kreacher then Harry would not have been able to cope. The old house elf was a godsend for Harry, he had taken time to talk Harry through the way to care for a child.
Time passed quickly as Harry cared for the child, Andromeda continued to stay far from Harry and Teddy and Harry was avoiding his own friends that reminded him of the damage he caused to people. He had, however, stayed on top of the news. It had been a few months after the Voldemort’s death that Hogwarts was rebuilt, Harry had declined an invitation to go to the re-opening. McGonagall hadn’t been happy, and Harry could practically feel her stare as he wrote his letter. Her response had been kind, not calling Harry out on his need to hide away, but Harry could read the undertone loud and clear.
The late start of the school year went quickly, with stories of past students that died in the war appearing to watch over the new ones, some giving advice and others wanting to stop any teachers that were abusing their power. The prophet spent months talking to both past and present students in the castle and they were sympathetic to those still mourning. There were stories of children in higher years that were getting stronger and returning to the school, there were stories of those that had died and how they will never be forgotten. It was these stories in particular that hurt Harry. The stories that showed the world coping, that things were continuing and people were managing, the stories that glossed over the fact the world had to mend. It felt tactless for them to praise the strength of the teachers going back to teach, the ones that labelled ghosts as heroes. Never did they once point out how much that must hurt, how each moment in that castle would cause painful reminders. That the teachers would be able to walk through the halls filled with ghosts of students they cared for, fellow friends. Let alone the students themselves, some of them had siblings, friends that would litter the halls forevermore. It sickened Harry, it made his heart weep and made him want to demolish the whole place, start it again from starch. It wasn’t manageable though, Harry knew this. As much as it would ease his own pain, it would erase the past, and those that didn’t learn from the past were doomed to repeat it. Yes, people were lost, and the effects were devastating, but the world needed that reminder, the founders of Hogwarts built the school is gloomy times, times where they were being hunted and killed, Hogwarts had become a beacon of hope and no amount of pain or devastation would change that.
Amongst the stories praising the world for continuing, there were also ones asking where the saviour of the wizarding world was. Those searching for Harry were more difficult. It was Harry that didn’t feel able to walk through Diagon Alley, or even see pictures of Hogwarts. Yes, Harry was happy the world was dealing with the aftermath of the war but he wanted to stay away from them. He didn’t want the reminders more than he already had. They were painful enough to think about, to know that his friends worried about him. Harry felt responsible. Survivor’s guilt, according to Kreacher. Harry doubted that it would ever get easier, not with everything around him. Not when he was looking after a young boy whose parents were dead because of him. If Harry had been quicker, if he hadn’t fought or tried to hide, then so many more people would have survived.
As much as Teddy’s presence hurt Harry, there was so much love and pride that the hurt took a backseat. Harry still felt guilt, especially early on, every cuddle and intimate moment he had with the child made him remember that he shouldn’t be there, not with Teddy. The first time Teddy rolled over, sat up on his own, and crawled, Harry had shut himself away, thankful for Kreacher how would appear without a word to take over and let Harry have his own moment. He was proud, there was so much pride in how much Teddy had managed but Tonks and Remus should have been the ones watching with pride, the ones smiling and laughing, not Harry. It was hard, and Harry partly hated himself because of how much he needed Teddy in his life, how much he relied on having this child look up at him with love and happiness. It ate at him in the darker days.
The first time Teddy spoke filled Harry with pride. He shared the news with Kreacher, who was growing old, and he sent a letter to Andromeda, as he had previously with the major milestones. He hesitated afterwards, wanting to fawn over the development but unsure of just how to reach out to anyone else. Hermione and Ron would be proud, or Harry believed they would. It was just hard to overcome that brief moment of fear about how they’d react. Harry didn’t want to believe that they would hold his need for isolation against him, but he did worry.
When Teddy continued to grow his vocabulary Harry decided to continue with his ventures into the muggle world, having cast a spell on Teddy’s hair to stop him confusing the poor people for an hour or so. Teddy got to interact with other children his age, not really making friends but getting some social stimulation. Harry tended to stay on the outskirts, avoiding the other parents as he watched Teddy.
It was one night when Harry was bathing Teddy that he got a shock. Having shampooed the boy’s hair Harry helped him tip his head back so he could rise off the shampoo. Having done that Harry sat back on his feet to retrieve the towel and dried his hands as the young boy played with his bath toys in the water.
“Dada up!” Teddy had said lifting his arms in Harry’s direction.
Harry froze, just staring at Teddy with a mixture of fear and horror growing in his chest. Teddy shouldn’t know that word, neither Harry nor Kreacher used it. Harry couldn’t bear the implications it brought.
“Dada!”
Numbly Harry moved forward, picking Teddy out of the bath and wrapping the towel around him. As if sensing the trouble, an elderly Kreacher appeared and took Teddy from Harry’s arms and disappeared with him out of the room.
Harry had stayed knelt on the floor, sitting back on his feet for a while before Kreacher came back into the room and helped move the man.
After moving Harry into his room and changing his clothing into a dry set, Kreacher moved to leave again.
“Kreacher?” Harry asked before the elf disappeared again.
“Yes, Master Harry?” Kreacher asked in his raspy voice.
“Am I replacing Remus?”
Kreacher’s expression softened as he looked up to his Master who was currently sat on the bed looking distraught.
“Perhaps this is something to talk about with Miss. Hermione and Mr. Weasley?” Kreacher suggested before disappearing to, more than likely, check on Teddy.
Harry sighed to himself. He hadn’t spoken to Hermione and Ron in over a year, not since their fruitful attempt to get him to go out into the magical world. He had considered it but that first contact was daunting.
He waited until Teddy was settled for bed before making Kreacher promise to get him if Teddy woke. Harry walked to the fire with worry building in his chest as he shouted “The Burrow” into the Floo. He walked through and was greeted with Arthur and Molly sat together talking.
“Harry dear! It’s been so long!” Molly cried as she jumped up and pulled him into a hug. The worry in Harry’s heart lessened slightly. At least he wasn’t kicked out as soon as he arrived.
“Hi Molly,” he whispered, returning the hug.
“Harry,” Arthur said with a smile.
“Arthur,” Harry smiled. “How has everyone been?”
“Well, we’ve been well,” Arthur admitted with a small sigh. “Everyone will be pleased to see you, they’re all going to be on their way back soon.”
“I can’t stay long,” Harry said softly, not wanting to ruin the moment. “I will need to get back to Teddy.”
“Oh dear!” Molly gasped. “You’re raising him?”
“Yeah, Andromeda needed to grieve,” Harry said.
“Poor dear. You could have brought him here. I bet you had trouble. I could have helped you know.”
“I know Molly but I needed time as well,” Harry said. “Ron and Hermione knew this.”
“It would still have been nice to see you,” Arthur said.
“I couldn’t come here,” Harry admitted. “Not after…” the air grew tight as the unspoken ‘Fred’ was thought.
“It doesn’t matter, you’re here now,” Arthur said firmly, placing a hand on his wife’s shoulder as her eyes watered. “What brings you here tonight?”
“I wanted to talk to Hermione and Ron, something happened with Teddy and I don’t –“
“We can help if you’d like. We’ve raised our fair share of kids,” Molly said softly.
“It’s… Teddy called me dad,” Harry said, bracing himself for the onslaught of horror.
“Oh my,” Molly pulled Harry closer to her and sat him down. “It’s ok dear.”
“How is it ok?” Harry asked, tears welling in his eyes without his permission, he didn’t want to cry in front of either of them. “I feel like I’m betraying Remus!”
“Harry,” Arthur said softly. “Teddy is still young. Yes he called you dad but to him you are doing everything that a father does. It doesn’t mean you are betraying Remus. The fact you are feeling the way you do says everything about it.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Harry admitted.
“Dear, at the moment you can either tell him to call you something else when he does this or you can leave him calling you dad,” Molly said as she brushed his hair out of his eyes. “When he is old enough to understand you can tell him about Remus and Tonks and there will be no betrayal.”
Harry thought for a moment. “What is the right choice?” Harry didn’t feel able to make a choice, and perhaps that said more than enough. He loved Teddy, the kid was his child, he would do anything to protect him, even if it meant hurting himself.
“There is no right choice,” Arthur said gently. “If you contradict him when he calls you that it can confuse him and if you tell him later it might upset him. It’s a difficult choice but neither if a wrong one,” Arthur said calmly. “He will understand.”
“So I’m not a bad person for letting him call me dad?” Harry whispered, his heart clenched at the thought. As much as Harry never wanted to hear that word, he was a father figure to the kid.
“Of course not,” Molly said as she hugged him tightly.
“Thank you,” Harry said thickly after a while. “I – I needed that.”
“It’s no problem,” Arthur said with a small smile.
“I should head back,” Harry said.
“Aren’t you going to stay?” Molly asked. Harry had begun to shake his head at the question before he even thought about it. He had had a lot of interaction already, more than he would normally. He didn’t want to overwhelm himself, not yet. He had already nearly cried.
“No, tell Ron and Hermione that I would love to see them though,” he said with a smile.