Chapter Text
Nijika: “Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmngh”
I had been laying on my bed looking at the ceiling, arms stretching out towards the walls, for the past 30 minutes or so.
Nijika: “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.”
I was thinking. No, that wasn’t it. It was more like I was debating if I should acknowledge the conclusion I’d reached. If I accepted it, then I knew things would have to change, but…
Nijika: “I don’t know if I’m ready for that…”
Slowly rolling onto my side, I pouted and grumbled that into my pillow. The events of the day continuously played in my mind on loop like a theater showing the newest blockbuster…
——————————————————————————————————————————
Nijika: “Okay, that’s a wrap for today, everyone! Our new songs are coming into their own. Let’s keep at ‘em until we can confidently add them to the set, okay?”
Kita: “I’ll keep working hard!”
Bocchi: “M-Mm.”
Ryo: “...”
We had been practicing some new songs Bocchi and Ryo wrote recently. They were great as usual, but I couldn’t help but find myself struggling to bring my usual energy. The worst part was that I couldn’t figure out why. We had just played at Bocchi’s school festival and that was an amazing experience, albeit with an… unexpected end, but an end that fit Kessoku Band to a tee. And yet… I feel more isolated than I ever have before…
Kita: “What’s up, Ryo-senpai? You look like something’s on your mind!”
Ryo: “...Just about how profitable a solo Bocchi music video would be.”
Bocchi: “EH?! N-N-N-No! Not happening! Impossible!”
Ryo: “Think about how many fans we could draw in from your quiet nature. If we frame it as mysterious, the buzz around you will only grow, and we’ll build an army of Bocchi fans…”
For some reason, that statement greatly increased the feeling of isolation I’d been struggling with, making it difficult to interject when I usually would and end the joke here. As I brought my head down in resignation, out of the corner of my eye, I realized Ryo was taking quick glances at me. What was that about?
Kita: “Ooooh, I could totally see it! Although I’d pay premium for a Senpai solo video!!”
Bocchi: “D-Don’t you see her play every day though?”
Ryo: “...”
Kita: “Ryo-senpai?”
Ryo seemed to give a small sigh before replying.
Ryo: “You two should head back and enjoy your day off before it gets too late.”
Kita: “Eh? Do you not have one too, Ryo-senpai?”
Ryo: “Nope. Both Nijika and I are on the clock.”
Kita: “Oh! We shouldn’t keep you, then. C’mon Hitori, let’s head back.”
Bocchi: “O-Okay.”
Before long, Bocchi and Kita had left Starry and were on their way back home, while Ryo and I tended to the bar area. There was a show tonight, so we had to make sure everything was in working order, as well as just doing some general cleaning. There was an air of awkward silence growing, I suppose because I’d usually have started a conversation by now. As the lonely mood started to empty from my head, I filled it with my usual self and brought back my usual routines.
Nijika: “Bocchi and Kita sure are getting along now, huh? Sometimes it’s hard to believe she was ever shy around her.”
And instantly, I let that lonely feeling return and corrode my usual self…
Ryo: “You think so? She still seems pretty shy to me.”
Nijika: “Nope, that’s just how she is, but, to her, there’s a difference between being too shy to be able to say anything and to be able to be quiet in peace. With us, it’s the latter. And if she has something to say, she’ll usually say it. She’s even getting better at asking for things she wants.”
Ryo: “Huhhhhhhhh. Didn’t know you were such a Bocchi expert.”
I turned a little red when it was put that way, but quickly tried to hide it.
Nijika: “H-Hardly, I just pay attention to my friends instead of getting caught up in my own little world.”
Ryo: “Ehehe.”
Nijika: “How could you take such a clear insult as a compliment…”
…
A silence hung over us once more. I could feel tension growing, but I didn’t know what to say. It didn’t take long for Ryo to cut to the heart of the matter.
Ryo: “...You can’t take the slow approach forever.”
Nijika: “E-Eh?”
I let out a breath, only to realize I’d been holding it in for some reason.
Ryo: “If it was just for her, then it would be fine. But when it’s actively cutting into you, and limiting what used to be fun for you… Then you need to make a decision.”
Nijika: “What do you… mean…”
Even asking a meaningless question like that, I knew exactly what she meant. And she was right. I just wanted to deny it.
Ryo: “I’m not blind, you know. I might be in my own world, but I pay attention to my friends. And I… see the look in your eyes when you look at Bocchi. As your friend, it hurts me too. I’m sure Kita feels the same way.”
Nijika: “B-But, what if this changes everything?? W-What if this leads to the band breaking up or something?”
Ryo: “Didn’t you find Bocchi in a random park and force her to join? Where’s this hesitation coming from now?”
Nijika: “T-That was different, and I didn’t force her…”
Okay, yeah, I basically did, but I didn’t know she couldn’t say no yet!
Ryo: “...I’m not gonna barrage you with this so I’ll leave it here, but… think about what I said, okay?”
Nijika: “W-Wait, I know you’re right, but…”
If I admit it, then I’ll have to pursue it. It’s just how I am.
Ryo: “It’s cheesy, but your answer is only meaningful if you find it yourself. Me telling you what to do won’t be rewarding at all. Besides, when did I become your matchmaker?”
You started this conversation!!!
Ryo turned around to leave towards the register near the entrance, but stopped just short of exiting the bar area.
Ryo: “If you go for it, just make sure to really get it in Bocchi’s head. That girl has no understanding of subtlety when it comes to things about her, even I see that.”
And with that, she walked away…
——————————————————————————————————————————
Nijika: “Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh”
I know what I need to admit in my brain, but my heart puts up resistance. I know I can’t just lie in bed forever, but I may as well try…
Seika: “Hey.”
At some point, Seika walked up to my door, leaning on the frame with her arms crossed. I was too busy looking at the ceiling to notice.
Seika: “What’s up with the monster growls?”
Offended, I puffed my cheeks out a little.
Nijika: “...I was contemplating something.”
Seika: “Really?”
Nijika: “...Yeah.”
Seika: “Cuz to me, it sounds like you’re angry that you know what you want, but you’re too scared to get it.”
Nijika: “Mmn-”
Don’t just call me out like that…
Seika: “Haah, listen I’m not gonna babysit you, or lecture you, but you only live once, kiddo. Is it Bocchi?”
Nijika: “?!”
I couldn’t help but look at her in shock while my face turned red, luckily hidden by the lights being out in my room.
Seika: “You like her, right? Then, just take her out on a date.”
With those words of wisdom, she left the room… Honestly, what kind of sisterly advice is that?! At least try to ease me into the idea of romance!!
But maybe she said exactly what I needed to hear…
After all, she said it…
And now that it’s out of my head, I can’t lie and deny it…
Nijika: “Awwwwwwwwwww, fine!! I like Bocchi, okay?!”
Energy flowing through me once more, I grabbed the pillow I continually grumbled into and threw it against the wall. After which, I hurriedly went to grab my phone. I wasn’t even sure why, I just felt like I had to do it. Almost immediately, I went to call Ryo, and the line started ringing.
Nijika: “...Crap, I didn’t even ask if it was a good time.”
And now that I thought about it, I didn’t even know what time it was , despite my phone showing me the answer not 10 seconds ago. Before I could check however, the ring ended and Ryo picked up.
Ryo: “Yo.”
Nijika: “Is that how you always answer the phone??”
Ryo: “Nah, I just knew it was you. But that’s not important, what’s up? You don’t usually call at this hour.”
All of my nervousness from earlier in the day seemed to drain away, and I felt like I could say what I wanted to say this whole time, ever since I saw her at that school festival… No, ever since I saw her at our first real concert.
Nijika: “Hey… I like Bocchi. Although I guess you already knew that, ahaha… Um, would you be mad if I asked her out?”
Ryo was silent for a second, yet somehow I could tell it was because she had formed a smile.
Ryo: “Course not, I just want my best friend to be happy.”
I stifled a breath. Of course the rational part of me knew Ryo wouldn’t be upset, but there was still a part of me that thought the worst. That maybe this would be my last chance to take it all back… But now-
Nijika: “…Thank you, Ryo.”
I couldn’t help but smile in turn, although I was sure I was red from ear to ear.
Ryo: “Hey, Nijika.”
Nijika: “Mm?”
Ryo: “Do you feel lonely?”
Nijika: “...Nope, not anymore”
Because Bocchi doesn’t feel so far away…
Ryo: “Good. I’ll leave you to it then.”
Nijika: “Okay. Talk to you later, Ryo!”
Ryo: “Mm.”
…
Nijika: “If I’m doing this, then I’m doing it without regrets.”
Luckily, tomorrow was a Saturday, so I could spring my plan into action without delay. In order to make it happen, I sent two text messages. One was to the Kessoku Band group chat:
“Hey guys, no practice tmrw! Take the time off to do whatever you want!”
And then I sent one more - to Bocchi.
“Bocchi!! Can we meet up tomorrow?”
——————————————————————————————————————————
What do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what-
While my mind was beginning to loop, I tried to remember what exactly sent me down this spiral. First, I got the message that practice was canceled tomorrow. Not too bad on its own, although it would probably become a day of me doing nothing which was unfortunate. But it was the next message that was the hidden dagger, Nijika asking to meet me tomorrow…
Hitori: “Right after canceling practice… That’s too suspicious!!”
IT’S GOTTA BE THAT SHE’S KICKING ME OUT OF THE BAND! WHY ELSE WOULD SHE ONLY CALL ME OUT?!
Hitori: “Aaaaaaaaaaaah!”
Immediately after having this realization, I simply rolled around on the floor of my room over and over again, desperately trying to find some way I could stop the inevitable from happening. I needed to find an answer soon, for both my sanity and the fact that it hurt to keep rolling on this hard floor.
Hitori: “Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuahhhhhhh…”
Where exactly did I go wrong?
Hitori: “Is it… because I held onto that night?”
“Keep showing us more and more of Bocchi-chan’s rock! Bocchi the rock!”
Hitori: “Ehehe… N-No, that reaction is what’s getting me fired!”
But there was nothing I could do. That night was more special to me than any other. Of course I was happy playing in Kessoku Band up until that point, but that night is when I was sure that this is what I really cared about.
Hitori: “And Nijika…”
She said I might be able to make her dream come true… That made me so happy. Happy beyond belief. At some point after that night… Not only did I want to bring my dream of never going to school again to fruition but… I wanted to make her dream come true too… Maybe that’s expecting too much of myself.
Hitori: “I wanted to work harder to make all of our dreams come true, but maybe… Maybe I’ve just been letting it go to my head instead…”
If that was the case then there was no way I could blame her for getting rid of me… Who would want someone that thinks they’re the best from one compliment?
Hitori: “Haaaaaaaaah, why am I the worst…”
As I lay on my back in resignation, I looked up toward my ever-familiar ceiling. One part of me thought I was jumping to conclusions, but the other couldn’t think of any other feasible reason she would invite only me out. As I got ready for another round of depressing rolling, I heard my door slide open, so I turned my head to look at my visitor, though they appeared upside down from my point of view.
Mom: “Hitori… What’s with all the rolling?”
Hitori: “Eh? O-oh, um, I’m just… thinking, sorry.”
I had forgotten that I was not in my own little world, and everyone else in the house probably heard me. That was embarrassing to think about.
Mom: “Thinking about what?”
I could tell from that particular Mom look that she wasn’t gonna let me go until I gave her the whole truth, but I tried to dodge the question anyway.
Hitori: “Y-Y-Y-You know, j-just band stuff…”
Mom: “Hmmm? Don’t you usually just make up a song on guitar when it’s about the band?”
Hitori: “Geh.”
I suppose that was another thing that everyone in the house heard, but she was right. Anytime it was about a problem we needed to face as a band, I’d just improv a song to sort out my thoughts. But this problem isn’t about the band, it’s about me and Nijika…
Mom: “...”
Mom paused for a moment as she seemed to study me. This was bad, once her Mom senses activated, she could figure out almost anything about me in a matter of seconds. Looks like I’m gonna have to break the bad news tonight after all… I’m sorry for being such a disappointing daughter who can’t even stay in a band…
Mom: “Say, Hitori, are you having boy problems?”
Wha?! Where did THAT come from?!
Hitori: “N-No?”
But it was too late, I had already fallen into the trap. I could see her face take on the all-knowing mother look. In moments like these, she probably knew more about me than I did.
Mom: “Then, is it… girl problems?”
My heart stopped, before proceeding to start beating at such a rate that it may burst out of my chest. Girl problems? As in, am I having trouble with a girl I like? That’s the only meaning that phrase could have, right?? There’s no hidden meaning that the internet came up with in the past few weeks that’s suddenly become more popular than the real meaning, is there?! Wait wait wait, even if there was, Mom wouldn’t know it anyways. Meaning, it has to be that first meaning, but I-
…I…
As much as I wanted to deny it, it’s like there was some other self in my head stopping me. I mean… I never really thought about it from that angle, I just assumed I was scared of being kicked out of the band… But is there a different reason I’m scared for tomorrow? Related to l-liking someone?
Hitori: “U-Um, well, so, t-that’s…”
Mom: “Mm-mmm.”
Mom nodded in understanding. I’m not sure what she understood when I was completely lost but she did anyway.
Mom: “So, is it the drummer girl?”
Hitori: “HWAH?!”
Hole in one?! I could feel my heart begin to beat in an unsteady rhythm, as if it was frightened that its greatest secret had come out. I wasn’t in a good position to hide my face either. I could hide my eyes by looking down, but she could still see my face turning beet red.
B-But wait, does that mean I’m admitting to liking Nijika?! W-Why does this feel like such a big secret?! I didn’t even know about it until a few seconds ago!! Or maybe… that’s just a convenient lie… Maybe I’ve known the whole time and just refused to admit it? Then, the reason I’m scared for tomorrow… isn’t because I’m afraid of being kicked out, but because I like her?
Mom: “Or is it the singer?”
Hitori: “N-No.”
I didn’t even mean to answer so quickly, but now that I acknowledged how I felt, it was like I automatically moved to protect that feeling. Mom seemed to know this already, as she was smiling by the time I finally gave her an answer using words. A probing question, huh…
Mom: “So? What’s going on? Is Ijichi already dating someone?”
Hitori: “N-No… I-I mean, I don’t think so… It’s just…”
Mom: “Just?”
Hitori: “S-She canceled practice and i-invited me out tomorrow… J-Just as f-f-f-friends though!”
Mom: “So, what do you want to do?”
I finally felt enough strength to meet her eyes again. They were loving but firm. I could tell she wasn’t going to just give me my answer, she was telling me that if I wanted something, I needed to reach for it myself.
Hitori: “I-I-I-I wanna a-a-ask her… out… maybe…”
Mom: “And why are you afraid of doing just that?”
Hitori: “W-Why?? F-For so many reasons! W-What if she doesn’t like me back and thinks I’m weird?? O-Or the fact that relationships in a band a-always seem to lead to the band breaking up… I-I wouldn’t want to be the cause of that!”
Mom: “Hmm. But do you really think it’s worth throwing away an outcome where you know you’ll be happy on the chance that something might go wrong? She’s already spent all these months with you, I’m sure whether you’re weird or not has already been decided in her book.”
Gwah…
Mom: “And besides, do you know how happy you were the night that she complimented you? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen your eyes shine that bright.”
It was embarrassing but she was completely right. In fact I was still living off the high of those words in some ways… B-But it’s because they just meant so much to me…
Mom: “So, wouldn’t you want to get some more if it was possible?”
BWAUGH?!
I could get more words like those… I hadn’t even considered it…
Hitori: “Ehehe…”
Without meaning to, I let my feelings escape in the form of a laugh.
Mom: “Ah, but don’t think it’ll be easy! You’ll have to work harder and harder to keep raising the bar, but… if you’re willing to go the distance, then I think both of you will be very happy.”
Hitori: “Ohh…”
I looked at Mom’s compassionate smile and realized this was never about any embarrassing things, she just wanted me to be happy. I felt a little silly about my initial reaction now. I had a new resolve in my heart however. I knew how hard it would be, especially given the type of person I am, b-but Nijika has always been accepting of me and my thoughts so… I want to at least try to convey them in some way!
Hitori: “M-Mom… H-How did Dad ask y-you out?”
Mom: “Hm? Oh, he didn’t. I had to ask him.”
Never mind, I’m done for. Completely and utterly. No way this is happening.
Mom: “But sometimes, you don’t need to perfectly verbalize your feelings in order to make them clear. Ijichi’s a smart girl, I’m sure she’ll pick up on your feelings before long.”
Oh… Maybe there is a chance for me, then…
Mom: “But don’t get too comfortable with that idea. If it’s not clear and she finds someone else, then that’s on you.”
Mom gave a sly smile as she relayed this bombshell of a statement…
GWAHHH?! I-I DON’T WANT THAT!
B-But… T-There’s no way I can just come out and say how I feel… I can barely speak normally… W-What’s something I could do to show this is different… Haughhhhhhh…
And then, an idea struck me.
Hitori: “H-H-H-H-Hey, M-Mom…”
Mom: “Mm?”
Hitori: “C-Can you… h-help me pick an outfit for t-tomorrow?”
——————————————————————————————————————————
It was about five minutes before our designated meeting time. I had arrived at the spot far earlier than I needed to, but I needed to prove to myself that I was gonna make this happen. Of course, all my plan amounted to was sending those two texts, so how today would progress was entirely unknown.
Nijika: “But I’ll just push forward my own way, like I always do.”
I whispered this to myself as I leaned against the wall. I had been waiting here for close to an hour, but now that the time was almost here, I could feel myself getting a little nervous. It was now or never…
Nijika: “Although, knowing Bocchi, I’m sure she’s been here a while and is just anxious about showing up “too early”, hehe.”
That was cute in its own way too, though.
Bocchi: “U-Um, h-hello!”
And on the dot of our meeting time, I hear her voice. Excitedly, I turned around to find her.
Nijika: “Yo, Bocchi! Ah-“
Immediately, I’m hit with an unexpected attack. She’s not wearing her tracksuit. Instead, she’s clad in a black and pink dress that perfectly accentuates her pretty pink hair and beautiful blue eyes. I’m entranced. Part of it is just the simple fact that I rarely see her in anything besides her favorite tracksuit, but it’s mostly that she’s just so cute… Unreasonably cute. Cute to the point that it’s killed any and all thoughts I had stored and replaced them with thoughts of how cute she is. I can’t even form more words so I’m just gawking and turning red like an idiot.
Bocchi: “U-Um?”
After a few seconds, the spell is broken by her voice. And I regain control of my brain.
Nijika: “A-Ah, sorry, sorry! U-Um, you decided to try a new look today, I see, ahaha.”
Quickly trying to quell my red face, I resume the conversation. For some reason, Bocchi seems to turn her face downward.
Bocchi: “M-Mm-hm. Do you… not like it?”
Nijika: “No. I love it. Please wear it forever.”
…Eh? Wait, I didn’t even think about that before I said it!! Come on girl, can’t you at least think about the timing?!
Bocchi: “N-N-No way, I can’t wear t-this forever, t-that’s way too embarrassing!! It’s only because t-today is s-special…”
Nijika: “Hm? Why’s that?”
Bocchi: “B-Because! I’m with yo-n-no! I mean, because y-y-y-you invited me out…”
Her voice trailed off into a whisper near the end of that sentence, but it still made me happy. And honestly, seeing her get embarrassed too let me regain control of myself a little. Sorry, Bocchi!
Nijika: “Hmmmmmmmmm? Well, I guess I’ll just have to enjoy this version of Bocchi all to myself for today!”
Bocchi: “M-Mm… S-So, w-what did you want to do today, Nijika?”
Well, I was planning to ask you out and go from there, but it seems like an awkward time now… Nngh, I hate not being able to just ask right this second but I’ll wait for better timing.
Nijika: “H-Hm, well it’s basically lunch time. Did you have anything before you got here? If not, we can go grab some food!”
I didn’t really eat much this morning, and then I got here early, so I’m actually pretty hungry myself…
Bocchi: “N-No, the train ride’s pretty long so I actually haven’t eaten in a while…”
Nijika: “Oh, right, your commute’s kind of annoying, huh? Sorry for making you come all the way out here!”
Bocchi: “N-No, it’s fine! I wanted to come.”
Nijika: “Hehe, good! Then let’s go find someplace to eat!”
Bocchi: “M-Mm!”
Awarding me my first smile of the day, Bocchi and I headed towards the commercial parts of the city in order to find the best place for lunch. We certainly didn’t have trouble finding places to eat, but I wanted to find a quieter place, since I know she’d prefer that. Eventually, we found a nice little cafe that didn’t seem to be too crowded. Sometimes places like that use good coffee to make up for their lackluster food though, so I was left hoping I didn’t make the wrong choice…
Nijika: “So, whatcha gonna get, Bocchi?”
Bocchi: “A-Ah, I don’t know… I probably shouldn’t spend too much…”
Nijika: “Eh? Didn’t you just get a ton of money from your guitarhero videos though?”
Bocchi: “M-Mm. But Mom said I should still be careful with spending habits and keep it as money to fall back on.”
Nijika: “Wooooah, teaching you proper budgeting already, huh? Well, don’t worry about that today! I’ll pay for us both.”
Bocchi: “E-E-Eh?! N-No, I couldn’t possibly let you-“
Nijika: “It’s fine, it’s fine! Just let me do it!”
Bocchi: “B-But…”
Nijika: “Just think of it as good karma for all the people that forgot their responsibility of paying you back!”
Bocchi: “…O-Okay… T-Thank you, Nijika…”
Nijika: “Mm-hm! So, order whatever you want! This girl came prepared!”
With a wink, I think I put some spirit back into her as she began further examining the menu. It’s not like there was anything particularly expensive here anyways, but more importantly this is just something I wanted to do for her. Although, now that I think about it… This is usually something you do for a first date, isn’t it? Looks like I’m getting ahead of myself…
After we both gave our orders, we talked about the usual things. Some general small talk, how school’s going, any band ideas, etc. Along the way, our food arrived and our conversation slowed as we tried it. My lucky bet seems to have worked because Bocchi happily ate the sandwich she ordered, and I enjoyed mine a lot too. This entire setting was fine, it was good, but… I knew for sure that I wanted more. Right now, we’re friends having our normal daily chat, but that’s not enough for me anymore. We don’t even have to change what we talk about, it’s just… That happy look she had when I said I’d pay and when she’d gotten what she wanted… Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to keep making her happy like that. And if, somewhere, somehow, along the way she can just look at me and be happy, then I’d… No, maybe that really is too selfish….
With these thoughts swirling in my mind, we left the cafe and walked with no real destination in mind.
Bocchi: “S-So, where to next?”
Nijika: “…”
Bocchi: “U-Um, Nijika?”
I can’t wait any longer. If I let these thoughts boil over anymore, I think I might explode. I need to say it right now. I stopped, and Bocchi quickly followed. Taking a deep breath, I sharply turned around to look at her. One look at those eyes and I was sure I wanted to do this.
Nijika: “Ahhhhh, well, I actually called you out here for a reason, Bocchi. To be honest, I’ve just been scared to say it at the right time, but… I’m ready now.”
Bocchi: “O-Oh?”
She looked apprehensive, so I decided to just come right out with it.
Nijika: “Ever since that show we played at Starry, when you showed us your rock… I couldn’t stop noticing how cool you were. I know how scary things can be for you, but you always push through and pull it off in the end… It’s so cool!! When I see you not letting anything stop you from being happy, it makes me happy too. And recently, I’ve started noticing myself wanting that more and more, for you to be happy. So… Nnnngh, I’m just gonna say it! I like you, Bocchi! …No, I like you, Hitori Goto!!”
——————————————————————————————————————————
Eh?
Eh? Eh? Eh?
For a second I thought my worst fear had come true and I was about to be kicked out of the band, but… what did she just say???
Okay, hold on, hold on! Let me process this, ummmm…
Nijika: “O-Of course, it’s totally fine if you don’t feel the same way, don’t even worry about it! It’s just that… I couldn’t keep this inside much longer - I wanted you to know how I feel, even if you don’t share the feeling.”
She thinks I’m cool? And that makes her happy…
Nijika: “B-But if you do feel the same way, if you, um, like me, then of course that would make me really happy, ahaha. But I know that’s hard to say outright like that, so, um… Gah… Sorry, I’m talking too much ahaha…”
Like…
Nijika… likes me?
Hitori: “A-Ah…”
Immediately, streams of water fell down my face. Without even realizing it, I had begun crying. So many emotions were bursting out of me through these tears, but the one at the forefront could only be…
Nijika: “A-A-Ah, um, sorry! Maybe this was too sudden after all-“
Hitori: “N-No… I-It’s just…”
I was so happy. I couldn’t even form my words through the onslaught of tears. My vision was blurring even as I tried to wipe them all away. And then… I felt arms wrap around me, as a hand stroked the back of my head.
Nijika: “It’s okay… Whatever you wanna say, I’ll be here until you’re ready. So just take your time letting it all out, okay? I’m sorry if I scared you.”
It was only then that I realized how comforting it felt to be held in her arms. It made me think back to all the times she was there for me, all the times she let me rely on her. She was always patient with me, yet she also always believed in me. She was the one who watched me enough to realize I was guitarhero… She’s been taking care of me this whole time… I can’t believe I never noticed… How much I like Nijika… N-No, more than that, I… I love Nijika…
Slowly clinging to her and shrinking into her shoulder, my eyes eventually dried themselves out. I finally moved my head upwards to be met with a truly serene smile. I know it’s silly, but at that moment, it really felt like I was looking at an angel. Even now, she was helping me with the smallest things, yet somehow she thinks I’m cool? Then… I have to respond to her feelings - I have to tell her I feel the same, but… I don’t know if I can handle saying that…
Oh, that’s right… There’s other ways to express my feelings without saying them…
Not letting myself let go of this resolve, I quickly closed my eyes and moved my face towards her, even surprising her. And, in an instant, our lips met. It probably didn’t last more than a few seconds, but to me, it felt like an entire world of bliss. Of course, the act of kissing wasn’t all that special, anyone can do it. Or at least, that’s what I thought… But, when it’s with someone you love, it may be the greatest feeling in the world…
Released from that world, I slowly drew my face away from hers, immediately going red realizing what I’d just done.
Nijika: “Woah… Bocchi the bold, hehe!”
Hitori: “A-A-Ah, I-I’m sorry!! I c-c-couldn’t figure out the right words so I just d-d-d-did it, b-but I didn’t even a-ask so-“
Nijika: “Hey.”
Hitori: “Y-Ye-MMPH?!”
Getting a taste of my own medicine, Nijika quickly launched a counterattack to steal my lips before I even realized what was going on. In my confusion, I realized my eyes were open, and that I was staring directly into hers. They were filled with nothing but love, a fact that made me so happy that I could feel my heart beating out of my chest… And considering she was holding me, she absolutely could too…
Releasing quickly with a “mwah!” sound, she closed her eyes and assumed a smile, although even I could tell her face was red. Just nowhere near as much as mine…
Nijika: “So? Isn’t it way better when you can see me?”
Hitori: “Haah… Haah… Haah… M-Mm-hm…”
I’m not sure if my heart could take it very often, though…
Hitori: “B-But… A-Are you really sure about m-me?”
Nijika: “Huh? What do you mean?”
Hitori: “W-Well, um, at this rate we’re gonna be g-girlfriends now, r-right? I-Is that really okay with you?”
Nijika: “Duuuuuuuummy, did you not hear the passionate confession I just gave you?”
Hitori: “M-Mm. But, I’m-“
Nijika: “Noooooope, no more of that kinda talk. I found Bocchi first and I get to keep her!”
Hitori: “E-Even though you’ve already helped me so much?”
Nijika: “Of course! I wanna help you even more if we’re dating, ahaha!”
Hitori: “…I-Is it really okay that something this nice… is h-happening to me? T-There’s no trick or anything?”
Nijika: “Do you want another kiss to make sure?”
Hitori: “…M-Mm.”
One last kiss was bestowed upon me in this serene moment, and it was the proof that this reality was my own. Somehow, the girl of my dreams liked me and wanted to be with me… I couldn’t be happier!
Nijika: “Did that prove it to you?”
Hitori: “Y-Yes… Although! I-I might need to… r-reconfirm in the future… so…”
I could barely keep that sentence audible as I realized what I was saying without even thinking about it…
Nijika: “Hehe! Well, at this rate, you’re gonna end up taller than me, so you’ll have to bend down if you want a kiss. But, even if you do, I’ll always go on my toes to reach you, deal?”
Hitori: “M-Mm-hm!”
Maybe it was just the angle of the sun, or maybe it was just my mind projecting what I felt onto what I saw, but Nijika seemed to be glowing to me at this moment. I just knew that this was the girl I loved.
Nijika: “So! Now that we’re both here anyway and it’s barely past lunch, wanna have our first date, Bocchi?”
Hitori: “E-Eh?! Oh, u-um! O-O-Of course! B-B-But what did you want to do?”
I had never really been given a plan for what we were doing today. Maybe she had one all along? And she’s about to reveal it to me right here and now?!
Nijika: “Mmmmm, dunno! Let’s just walk around and find something, ahaha!”
Haah, that’s so like you, Nijika… But, I like that part of you too. Letting your feelings take control even if you don’t have everything planned in your head… I wish I could do that too…
Hitori: “O-Okay. B-But, um…”
Nijika: “Mm? What’s up?”
Hitori: “Well, t-that’s, um…”
Nijika: “Hey, didn’t I say I wanna keep helping you? It can be anything, I don’t mind. Cuz… I’ll do anything for my girlfriend, hehe!”
Hearing those words made my face go a shade of red once more, but it also helped me realize I don’t have to be afraid to ask what I want from her anymore.
Hitori: “T-Then, can you… hold my hand while we walk?”
Nijika: “Huuuuuh? That’s all? I was gonna do that anyway, silly!”
Hitori: “T-Then, c-can you hold my hand as much as possible?!”
Although I said that in a much louder tone than intended, I really wanted to be close to her… Just because… That hug made me feel so safe and warm…
Nijika: “Mmmmm-hm! If that’s what you desire, hehe!”
Excitedly, Nijika walked over and claimed one of the hands I had fidgeting while I struggled to make this request. In an instant, the lonely hand that I only ever used to play guitar was overtaken by the hand of my reliable drummer. Of course, she had grabbed my hand before, but this was different. The grasp was intimate, as she slowly interlocked all of her fingers with mine, before tightening them around me. Her hand felt so strong during this moment. Not just from drumming, but rather, strong from her precision as a drummer. It was as if her hand was saying “I’m going to protect this”, which made me happy beyond belief… I could only tighten my grip in response to show how much it meant to me.
Nijika: “So, you ready to go?”
Hitori: “Yes! T-Take me anywhere, Nijika!”
Nijika: “Hehe!”
——————————————————————————————————————————
We spent the entire day walking around and exploring the city. Of course, we’d been to a lot of these areas a million times by this point, but it seemed so new and fun when we were together. As we continued the date, I couldn’t help but start to notice all of Bocchi’s cute little quirks. Just small things that she was probably doing unconsciously, but cute to me nonetheless. What caught my eye the most was the way she’d reach out for my hand the moment we were getting ready to go somewhere. It made me so happy because it felt like she was relying on me. I wanted her to hold onto me forever, and I wanted to walk hand in hand with her forever. Before I even realized it, I had been falling in love with this girl…
We had spent so much time having fun together, the time seemed to pass us by without either of us noticing. We didn’t do anything particularly special, but every time we talked, I could tell she was happy, and I was happy too. She had talked far more than usual today, so I could tell she was enjoying herself. I wanted to keep that happy look on her face as long as possible, but the day was almost over, and she would have to head to the station soon so she wouldn’t miss the last train. I considered saying she could stay at my place for the night, but… That might be a little too bold for a first date…
Bocchi: “…It’s getting late, huh?”
She was the first to bring it up.
Nijika: “Yeah, I guess so… Bummer. I wanted this day to go on forever!”
Bocchi: “M-Me too…”
Nijika: “Well, it’s all good. We’ll just have another date soon!”
Bocchi let go of my hand herself for the first time that day and looked towards the stars. I’m not sure why, but I felt anxious. Like if I let her walk away, I’d wake up and realize this was all a dream. I don’t know why that feeling overtook me, but the more I thought about it, the more worried I got, so I took off running, even when she wasn’t that far, and wrapped my arms around her back.
Nijika: “Hey… This is real, right?”
Bocchi: “Huh? A-Aren’t you the one who proved that to me earlier?”
Nijika: “Y-Yeah, you’re right… Sorry.”
But I still didn’t want to let go.
Bocchi: “No, it’s okay…”
A silence brewed between us, but it wasn’t one out of awkwardness. We simply existed together.
Nijika: “Hey, Bocchi… Did I make a good first date?”
Bocchi: “O-Of course! B-But, um, can I ask a favor?”
Nijika: “Mm-hm.”
I decided not to lecture her about how I already said I’d do anything.
Bocchi: “W-W-When we’re alone, can you… call me Hitori? You did earlier and it made me… really happy.”
Nijika: “Hehe, well of course I will, if it makes you happy. So, can we go on another date sometime, Hitori?”
Hitori: “M-Mm-hm! I-I-I’ll always clear my schedule if you ask… Though, I don’t really have one anyways…”
Nijika: “Then I guess I’ll just get to fill that schedule all by myself!”
Hitori: “Y-Yes, please do!”
Another silence hung over the air. The stars were so pretty tonight. I’m sure I could get away with some “not as pretty as you” cliche if I tried, but… I wanted to say something from the heart. No… I needed to…
Nijika: “Hey, Hitori.”
In a voice only audible to her, I called out.
Hitori: “Mm?”
Nijika: “Did you know? When I would feel stuck improving my drumming or feel like I couldn’t make my Starry dream come true, I’d always throw on a guitarhero video!”
Hitori: “Ah…”
Nijika: “I always thought you were a girl around my age, and it was so inspiring seeing you play so well. It inspired me to do better, and made me stop doubting myself. And then, when I realized I’d been playing in the same band as you for the past six months, I realized why I could feel so confident in my dream.”
Hitori: “…”
Nijika: “You’re amazing, Hitori! I know that you can lead Kessoku Band to the stage I dream of, and I’m just as sure that we’ll get good enough for your dream to come true too! We’re gonna have loads and loads of fans, in fact, you already have some! I’m sure you’ll keep getting more and more, and I’m sure eventually people will realize you’re guitarhero and that will generate even more buzz… But… If you could let me be selfish, one last time… Even when you have all the fans in the world, too many to count, could you… Could you remember me as your number one? Because I know, no matter how big we get, and no matter if it’s guitarhero, Bocchi, or Hitori Goto, I’m the biggest fan of them all!!”
At some point, I had started tearing up. It was embarrassing, but maybe she didn’t realize it because she couldn’t see me. But I quickly realized she had heard me, because gently put her hands on top of the ones I’d put around her.
Hitori: “…I don’t think I’m as a-amazing as you seem to think. If anything, I think you’re the inspiring one. This band is your dream… And it makes me so happy to be a part of it. So… Even if we get a ton of fans, a-and even if some like me, the number one in my heart will always be Nijika Ijichi! A-A-And no matter what kind of girl might lay her eyes on you and see how amazing you are, I’ll always win your heart back! B-Because I’m the number one Nijika fan!!”
I couldn’t help but laugh a little, even with tears streaming down my face. She had said the thing I most wanted to hear, then somehow made me even happier. Even in love, she makes me want to do better. I really am in love, hehe!
Nijika: “Hitori!! You’re the best girl in the whole world!!”
I let go of her for a brief moment before rushing to her front and giving her the longest kiss of the night. It was the least I could do to show how much she meant to me, but I also just really wanted to kiss her again, hehe!
After a long period that somehow still felt too short, I pulled my face back from hers. I could study her face in the moonlight now. Of course, it was still cute, but the lighting gave her a radiance unlike any other. Maybe it just reminded me of the night of our first real concert, but she looked so pretty to me. Especially in that dress, which seemed to glimmer in this setting.
Nijika: “I guess we’re just a pair of big fans, huh?”
Hitori: “I-I think that’s fine! I-It means we can keep helping each other!”
Nijika: “Mm-hm, mm-hm! So, let’s keep pushing Kessoku Band further and further!”
Hitori: “Yes! T-Together!”
Nijika: “And… let’s keep having days like this to ourselves…”
Hitori: “M-Mm-hm… T-That would make me happy…”
Nijika: “I did say I wanted to keep you happy!”
Hitori: “Ehehe…”
As we said our goodbyes and Hitori walked off towards the station, I couldn’t help but be thankful at how happy I was that night. I loved Hitori Goto so much. I could always count on her to push me forward, even if she didn’t realize it herself. I was even more happy than the night of that concert…
Nijika: “Hehe… Bocchi, my rock…”