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It’s bright and early in the morning of the Kyoto Goodwill Event. The shy light of dawn fills the girls dorm, slowly overtaking the harsh fluorescent light from above. Nobara’s eye twitches as Mai pops another cookie into her mouth as they wait in front of the communal bathroom. When will Momo finally come out?! The shower’s still going, the clattering water audible for all to hear. It’s been over fifteen minutes already. At least Miwa had the good grace to be out in five minutes flat.
But no, here Nobara is, queueing before her own goddamn bathroom. Or, well, her and Maki’s bathroom. Being the only two girls has its perks sometimes, but damn, couldn’t they have built more than one bathroom for situations like this? There are more than six rooms in the girls dorm!
As if on cue, Maki yawns, leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door, eyes lidded, all languid movement. She’s like a cat in a sunspot, this early in the morning. The more she wakes up, the more sharp edges she’ll gain, but for now, she’s still soft. Nobara smiles.
Mai does too, like the cat got the cream, licking her fingers to get the cookie crumbs off. "Mmmmmm… Miss Utahime bakes cookies for us." She throws a furtive glance at them to make sure they’re paying attention. "To wish us good luck. I can’t help but notice you didn’t have a care package on your doorstep this morning… Guess some teachers are just of a higher caliber." She sniffs. "Then again, it might just be that yours doesn’t care."
Maki just sighs, crossing her arms and closing her eyes to doze off a little.
Nobara harrumphs. "Like we need good luck to beat the likes of you! And besides, Gojou uses his black card to buy us stuff! Bet you can’t say the same!"
The shower in the bathroom turns off. Momo starts clattering around inside, and Nobara grits her teeth as she hears a blow-dryer turn on. That’ll be another five minutes of waiting.
Mai sticks her nose in the air. "How cheap, you can be bought!"
Nobara clenches her fist and starts forward, "Now, listen here, you —"
Maki opens a single eye, piercing gold pinning Nobara in place. "You’ll get your chance later today. Let it go."
Nobara throws her hands up in the air. "Fine!" She turns to Mai. "Don’t come crying to us when you lose!"
And with that, she’s gone.
She’ll go kick Yuuji out of his bathroom. He’s got one all to himself, the fucker.
"You know," Nobara says as she exits the locker room, "Mai mentioned something funny the other day."
Gojou and Megumi are leaning against the wall as they wait for them. Both of them ignore her words completely, which would’ve earned them a kick in the behind if it wasn’t for the fact that Nobara wants something from them.
Megumi looks disgustingly casual for how hard he’d run during the baseball game against the Kyoto team, quietly practicing his powers by playing with the shadows created by the high windows above them. Gojou hums as he scrolls through his phone.
Nobody’s paying attention. Luckily, Nobara knows the magic word as far as Gojou’s concerned. "They said Utahime was better than you. "
Gojou freezes, his thumb hovering over his phone as he stops moving in the middle of scrolling. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turns his face to Nobara. "What did you say?"
It’s suddenly so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Megumi’s eyes widen just a tad behind Gojou, his stupidly long lashes becoming all the more clear. If Nobara wasn’t so preoccupied with making sure they'll kick the Kyoto team’s asses, she’d be asking him what the hell his beauty products were.
In a calculated move, she flicks her gaze towards her nails, checking them out as casually as possible. "Oh, I don’t know… Something about how her baking was superior to yours?"
Gojou puts his phone into his pocket. "We’ll see about that. How does a bake-off sound? I'll crush her."
Nobara watches him go with a bloodthirsty grin.
Megumi frowns. "What was that all about?'
Nobara holds up her hand. "No time, revenge happening." And with glee, she takes out her phone.
Kyoto Goodwill Event group chat:
Nobara: Get ready losers, you're getting crushed tomorrow!
Miwa: What??? The event's over though?
Nobara: As is your pathetic claim that your teacher bakes better cookies than ours!
Yuuji: Wait, what did I miss??? Cookies??
Megumi tiredly fishes his buzzing phone out of his pocket and raises his eyebrow. Nobara rolls her eyes at him. With a quick swipe, he opens up his phone.
Megumi: She somehow convinced Gojou to do a bake-off
Mai: Against Miss Iori? Ha! Good luck
Momo: This will teach you idiots who the real winner here is ☆:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:☆
Nobara: Get out of here with your stupid kamojis. Do I need to hammer it out of you again?
Momo: Σ(°ロ°)
Kamo: aren't we above this?
Maki: we don't need to stoop to their level to know our teacher will win
Inumaki: Rice vinegar!!!!
Panda: Tell them, Inumaki!
Kamo: We'll see tomorrow, but don't expect an easy victory
Nobara smirks at her phone. Gojou’s so annoyingly good at everything he does, there’s no way he won’t sweep the competition.
The next morning, they’re nearly falling asleep in their breakfast when Gojou comes in, annoyingly bright. ‘’Everyone ready for the bake-off? Get ready for some cookies!’’
Several half-asleep teenagers wince at his cheery voice. Nobara is not amongst them, purely due to exposure therapy. All the exposure therapy. Her sensei needs new ways to torture his students, this one is getting old.
Ugh, is he wearing a pink apron with ‘Sweets Operator’ on it? How cringy can he get?
Miwa looks at Gojou with wide eyes. "A cookie," she whispers disbelievingly, "by Gojou-sama?!"
Nobara cannot believe her loser sensei has an actual fanbase. Sure, he’s the world’s strongest and all, but there’s a point where it only makes his already huge head even bigger!
Momo reaches up to slap the back of Miwa’s head. "Don’t get too carried away! We’re defeating them, remember? Miss Iori’s cookies are the best!"
Miwa blushes. "Yeah — yeah, you’re right."
When they enter the kitchen, the set-up is entirely different. The dining table has disappeared and in its place are twelve chairs, turned towards the two cooking isles. Six in front of each, with some space in between so you can walk through easily.
The two cooking isles are set up already — Miss Iori is flitting around, putting ingredients on each isle and checking if all the utensils are in the right places. "Flour, cocoa powder, eggs… That should be everything."
She looks up and smiles when she spots them. "Go sit down, children, we’ll start the contest in a minute!"
"Yoohoo, Utahime~~" Their sensei waves from behind them.
Miss Iori’s face sours just at the sight of him. "Respect your elders! That’s Iori to you!"
Gojou nearly oozes over to her, leaning over the cooking isle to get as close as possible, just to blow in her ear and say: "You know you like it!"
Utahime turns red and stomps her foot, her fists balled. "I do not!" Her eyes fall on her students behind Gojou’s back and she — impossibly — becomes even redder in embarrassment, quickly averting her eyes and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "Let’s just get started. I discovered this coffee crinkle recipe just this morning, it’s perfect for this kind of competition."
Gojou snatches one of the neatly printed pages off the counter. "Ooooh, this looks easy to follow!"
Utahime shoves him towards his own cooking isle. "We’ll be baking the same recipe, the kids will judge our efforts after. No more messing around and no setting any bad examples!" She turns to the students, her gaze stern, and even Nobara feels herself unconsciously straightening up in her seat. "No funny business during the baking, ovens are hot and everything that comes out of them is hot as well! There will be no mad scrambles to try anything the minute it comes out of the oven. You’re allowed to have fun, but everything needs to remain safe."
"Yes, Iori-sensei!" The Kyoto students immediately say, so in unison it startles Nobara. She exchanges a look with Megumi — what nutcases! Even Todo did it without thinking! What kind of secret powerhouse is Miss Iori?! Nobara wants in on these superpowers!
The minute Miss Iori turns her back to them, though, the claws come out again. The corners of Mai’s mouth turn up. "Get ready to eat crumbs."
Yuuji smiles. "Don’t mind if I do — I can’t wait to taste them!"
Megumi covers his eyes with a groan and Nobara elbows Yuuji in the side.
"Ouch!"
"Take a hint, idiot! They’re trash-talking us!"
Inumaki pats Yuuji on the back. "Tuna mayo."
Maki nods. "We’ll win."
Momo picks at her nails. "Not to like, rain on your parade or anything, but like, you're so gonna lose."
"No," Panda says, his eyes full of fire, "Gojou-sensei won’t let us down!"
As if punctuating Panda’s statement, Gojou takes that moment to dump his entire flour bag into the bowl. White puff clouds go everywhere, dusting their teacher and his cooking surface entirely white.
Awkwardly, his pupils stare at him. Yuuji edges towards Nobara. "Um. That’s not how you’re supposed to do it, right?"
Nobara grits her teeth. "It’s only one of the first steps! He’s annoyingly good at everything he does, he’ll come through for us."
Not even looking at the instructions, Gojou also upends an entire bag of brown sugar into his bowl. Is that — is that even going to be edible?
Then, as if this is not horrifying enough, Gojou throws the eggs into the mixture. Whole. Complete with shell. He throws a stick of butter on top and starts to knead.
Maki winces at the sound of the egg shells being crushed. Nobara wants to sink through the floor. She throws a quick look at Miss Iori’s side of the kitchen. Maybe she’s just as bad?
But no dice. Miss Iori is neatly mixing in different bowls, only now slowly adding together her wets and her drys. Mai spots Nobara looking and gives her a smug smile. Nobara is tempted to slap it off her face, but she’s too busy dying of embarrassment.
She looks back to Gojou, who’s happily trying out a bit of raw dough. She doesn’t know what to be more horrified about. The fact that there’s eggshells in it that crunch between his teeth and he still doesn’t see anything wrong with it, or the fact that that’s clearly unsafe food practice. Like, ew, does he want to get salmonella?
Yuuji is staring at Gojou with a horrified face as he slides the tray into the oven. "Sensei," he whispers, "how could you let us DOWN. Those poor cookies!"
"Poor us! " Nobara exclaims. She puts her head into her hands so she doesn’t have to watch this disaster anymore.
Megumi sighs. "What did we expect . "
"Too much, clearly," Nobara groans. "Way, way too much."
About thirteen minutes later, the trays get out of the oven. Miss Iori’s go first and the smell makes Nobara’s mouth water. "We’re so done for," she whispers. Her voice wavers.
"Salmon," Inumaki agrees gravely.
Gojou’s come out smoking. Nobara wants to cry.
It takes a couple of minutes for the cookies to cool down, but then it’s tasting time. The Kyoto team, high on their imminent victory, heads for Miss Iori’s cookies immediately.
Nobara looks around at her fellow Tokyo pupils, but none of them are making a move, even as the Kyoto students stuff their mouths. Gojou has the gall to look hurt about it too. Before he can open his big mouth and start to yap about it, Miss Iori puts her hands on her hips like she’s an elementary school teacher and says: "Guys, I thought we agreed to be fair. In order to have a contest, you need to taste both."
"But sensei!" Momo protests, "Look at that! I’m not eating something that burnt!"
Mechamaru nods. "I’m made of metal, and I’d be scared to try it."
Todo shoves the rest of them aside to walk up to Gojou’s kitchen isle. "Unlike the rest of you, I’m a real man." And with that declaration, he shoves a burnt cookie into his mouth, only to spit it out right away. His face wrinkles in disgust.
Nobara snorts. Maybe this day can be salvaged after all. Schadenfreude is always good entertainment.
Gojou pouts.
Yuuji, the sucker, once again proving he doesn’t have a shred of self preservation, takes that moment to do something monumentally stupid. "I guess I’ll give it a try as well?"
Nobara drags her hand over her face. " No. "
Yuuji blinks at her. "Yes? Someone has to try it? I mean, look at Gojou-sensei! He’s sad!"
Gojou looks extra sad just for the effect. Nobara wants to hit something. Preferably either the cookies or her teacher’s face. But — he does look very sad. And if Yuuji is willing… She crosses her arms. "Fine, be an idiot then."
Yuuji beams at her, before swiping a cookie from the cooling tray. He pops it into his mouth with a grin and hums as he chews. "Hmm… It’s not that bad, guys! It just tastes like sugar straight out of the bag. …I wonder where the chocolate and coffee went?"
Gojou cocks his head. "The what?"
Everyone stares at him with deadpan looks.
"Six eyes," Nobara groans, "and you can’t even read a recipe!" And with that, she turns and stalks over to Miss Iori’s cooking isle. The coffee crinkles smell divine and are still a little warm to the touch when she picks one up. She nearly moans when she tastes it. "Oh my god, that is delicious. " She turns to Miss Iori. "Can we have the recipe? This is so good!"
Miss Iori blushes. "Of course, I’ll copy it before I go."
The other Tokyo students go in for a bite as well now, and approving hums go around. Finally, Nobara spots Gojou, sulking behind his own kitchen isle. With a sigh, she picks up some cookies and makes her way over to him. "This is a contest, y’know. The least you could do is taste the winner’s cookies."
Gojou’s mouth falls open, an indignant look on his face, but Nobara takes that for the opportunity it truly is: she stuffs two cookies into his mouth.
"Yah cahnt dah thwis to mah —" Furiously chewing, Gojou stops talking, swallows, and nearly melts. "Wait, this is delicious?" He frowns. "Mine weren’t like that."
Nobara pats him on the back. "There, there."
Gojou narrows his eyes at her. "Hey! You don’t have to sound so sarcastic! This isn’t over yet!" But when she offers him another coffee crinkle, he stuffs it into his mouth immediately.
Nobara grins as she takes a look around the kitchen. Even the Kyoto pupils are too busy enjoying the cookies to gloat too much. Miwa keeps trying to feed Mechamaru despite being a robot and — is Sukuna stealing Yuuji’s cookies? Another mouth opens up on Yuuji’s hand, taking a bite just as Yuuji tries to pick a new one up. Behind him, Panda snickers. Next to her, Gojou-sensei stuffs another coffee crinkle into his mouth.
"You’re lucky I like you guys," he mumbles through the food in his mouth. It’s disgusting. It’s also weirdly cute for a grown-ass man. Nobara shakes her head.
A warm feeling bubbles up in her that has very little to do with the still-warm cookies in her hands.
Miss Iori might be the unanimous winner of this contest, but Nobara wouldn’t trade her loser of a sensei for anything.