Work Text:
1. Twitter
Where’s my tequila @grlinthem00n
So, holy crap, I usually don't post shit like this but I'm getting fitted for my bridesmaid dress #kimanddan2020! And in walks Tony Stark and some kid!! I think they are getting fitted for a suit, maybe? #tonystark
Iron Man Fan Girl @ir0nm4nf4n
@grlinthem00n maybe for Tony and Pepper's wedding? Isn’t that soon? #tonystarkmysterykid
Where’s my tequila @grlinthem00n
Okay new development, the kid is named Peter and it's for a school dance!! Tony is picking out colors to compliment his date's outfit. #tonystarkstylist???
Where’s my tequila @grlinthem00n
Lmao Tony’s taking pictures of each suit Peter is trying on. He says it’s for may, so maybe that’s when the dance is?? Or maybe that’s his date??
One by one @germssurlo
Uhhhh this is kinda creepy @girlinthem00n they are just tryin to buy suits and u are spreading their business to the public
Where’s my tequila @grlinthem00n
Omg you guys it's not that creepy okay? I'm waiting on my fitting and they are out in public! I’m not taking pics or anything. And I’m not going to like, talk to them. It’s just super cute!! #tonystarkmysterykid
Where’s my tequila @grlinthem00n
Okay, Tony Stark is officially DILF material, he just did Peter's tie and then showed him how to do it in the mirror. And he keeps trying to mess with Peter’s hair and the kid keeps dodging him lol #tonystarkdilf
Currently reading: your mom @persistedtodeath
@grlinthem00n PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN #tonystarkmysterykid #tonystarkdilf
Where’s my tequila @grlinthem00n
@persistedtodeath I’m not taking pictures, okay and I’m not sayin’ what the kid looks like but it's clear Tony knows him very well. Family friend? #tonystarkmysterykid
Where’s my tequila @grlinthem00n
Now they are talking about wearing risers in their shoes cuz they both are dating giraffes according to Tony. Peter offended on behalf of Pep and girlfriend lol #tonystarkisashortking
Iron Man Fan Girl @ir0nm4nf4n
@grlinthem00n omg lolol he’s so sensitive like that #tonystarkmysterykid #tonystarkisashortking
Where’s my tequila @grlinthem00n
Peter saw the price of the suit and is now forcing Tony to the "bargain bin" lmao good luck over there. The bargain bin is like a $1 less, trust me, been there, done that.
Where’s my tequila @grlinthem00n
This is getting out of control but omg, this is too cute for words, I think Tony convinced him to get the expensive suit but the puppy dog eyes on this kid are top notch 10/10 he’s got Tony wrapped around his finger. #tonystarkfallsvictimtopuppydogeyes
Iron Man Fan Girl @ir0nm4nf4n
I wish we got the kid’s last name, I want to know who he is!! @grlinthem00n any other clues as to who he is? Could he be related to Pepper??? #tonystarkmysterykid @iamironman are you gonna tell us???
High heels on cobble stones @swiftiealways4ever
Ugh you guys, let’s not dox some kid!! #tonystarkmysterykid
Iron Man Fan Girl @ir0nm4nf4n
Geez you guys i’m not gonna stalk a child!! I just want to know who he is bcuz it sounds super cute!!!
High heels on cobble stones @swiftiealways4ever
@ir0nm4nf4n Let Tony Stark and whoever it is, be in peace!! They deserve it. I thought you were a fangirl but I guess not!
Avongers @apsentcat
@grlinthem00n take a sneaky pic u will 4 fine we want to c the kid
Rain king @double00fitness
@grlinthem00n ughh, more updates or was she killed by Stark snipers??? #tonystarkmysterykid
Where’s my tequila @grlinthem00n
Sorry for going MIA, I had to get fitted for MY dress too! But anyway, when I got back they were gone already but oh man that totally changed my view on Stark. If that’s his son then he must really care about him. #tonystarkisagooddad
2. Reddit
r/askreddit Posted by u/twoplustwoequalsix 4 hours ago
Where is the weirdest place you had a celebrity encounter at???
u/tattookisses 3 hours ago
I'm not gonna name the school because of privacy but I once saw Tony Stark at someone's Academic Decathlon meet!
u/missesyou 4 hours ago
Ummm, details please? Are you sure it was Tony Stark??? There’s been so many rumors going around that he is a secret kid!! It would make totally sense if this kid was on something like an Academic Decathlon team too, smarts run in the family.
u/tattookisses 5 hours ago
Alright dets! My school came in last (wah) but we stayed behind to watch the finals. Tony came in super late and in a hat and glasses, which dude, did not disguise you as much as you think it did. But anyway, he sat next to a long haired woman (not Pepper) and some other guy I think is his bodyguard? Anyway, they were all talking so I’m sure he knew them.
He was def there for this one school and most likely this one kid in particular. When his team came up, Tony was whistling and this one short kid on stage looked mortified, lmao. I felt bad for him, everyone immediately looked over at who wolf whistled! I don’t know if other people recognized Tony Stark or anything, no one came up for autographs or pics so maybe not. Tony kept cheering for the team, being generally a loud annoying parent about it. The guy and woman with him kept trying to get him to sit down and be quiet, lol. I was sitting like two rows behind them, so I had a good view of him cheering and waving his hands around.
At one point I saw him go by the backstage door and the kid he was cheering had come out and they were talking. They even hugged before the kid went backstage. I thought it was really sweet. I won’t say if they won cuz then you guys might figure out what school and stuff, but they did really well.
Afterwards we were waiting for the bus and Tony and the kid were standing around outside and he was hugging him and he told him he did good and stuff. Us kids usually take the buses back to the school but I guess since it’s Tony Stark the kid went with him, the woman and the dude in a really sleek looking black car. I was feeling brave so I went a little closer to them before they left and Tony was talking about getting cheeseburgers and shakes as a reward for doing so well.
Really sweet!!
u/ironmanstanfangetinline 5 hours ago
Do you think that’s his son?? People have been talking about some kid named Peter hanging out with Tony all the time. He’s supposed to look kind of like him a little. No one knows if that’s really his name either but that’s the rumor. Was the kid he was with named Peter too? There aren’t any Peter Starks online, or ones that fit the age so I wonder if he has a different last name. Can you confirm any of this? Do you know who the people with them are for sure where? One of them might be Harold Hogan, his long time friend and security. He usually goes around with Tony wherever he goes.
u/tattookisses 5 hours ago
Uhhh, I don’t know, they seemed really comfortable with each other. And the lady Tony sat with too, like I think that’s his Mom. She was hugging him too and seemed comfortable with Tony a well.
I just googled Hogan and yeah, that was him. Him and the woman seemed cozy, but I don’t see anything about a wife so who knows. Maybe it's Hogan's kid, that’s why Tony was there too.
And I won’t confirm the name, I don’t want people to look him up. Like he shouldn’t have his life ruined cuz he knew Tony Stark and stuff. If they wanted us to know about him, they would tell us.
u/ironmanstanfangetinline 6 hours ago
Like do you think it’s his son? I mean I know it’s rude but I really want to know! Like, it would make his image so much better if people saw the softer side of Tony!! I’ve seen adorable pictures of him with babies and stuff and it’s always so cute. I think the world needs to know what a good, kind, soft person Tony Stark can be!!
u/tattookisses 6 hours ago
Honestly, I dunno??? It would make sense, the kid went to a school for smart kids. He answered a lot of questions about science and stuff.
I’m getting a lot of creepy messages, so I’m not going to respond to this anymore. Sorry, I don’t want to dox someone on the internet! You guys need to calm down, okay? He’s a teenager, I doubt he wants his life talked about behind his back like this.
I feel bad enough giving up some info now as is.
3. Facebook
Erin Asby
Okay, okay. I know I normally don’t post this stuff on FB but I am too shook not to.
I was minding my own damn business at work today when these two people walked in. That’s right, Tony Stark and some teenager come in and start shopping like REAL PEOPLE. I tried to act cool and not run up screaming, so instead I followed them around like an idiot. Which I mean, I work there so I can follow anyone, around and ask if they need help!
They looked at scarves and perfumes and some purses but the boy seemed sad when he saw the price tag on a really pretty scarf. And like Tony is all I can pay for that and the kid was like no, this is my gift, I want to pay and then they argued about money. Like, kid, your Dad is TONY STARK he can pay for shit. Am I right?
Anyway, the boy bought something else instead, like this nice but totally much cheaper on sale scarf that was not as good as the one he picked out, which good eye on fashion kid! He buys it and then leaves, right? That’s the end of it?
WROONNGG because the kid goes to leave and then Tony is like oh, go out to the car, I should grab Pep something too and then he just straight up BUY THE SCARF THE KID WAS LOOKING AT. JESUS. And the kid knew too because he was just standing outside the store like a lost puppy dog and I wish I could have heard them talking when Tony walked out.
I PUSHED OVER AN OLD WOMAN TO GET THIS PHOTO. I WAS JUST NOT PREPARED FOR IT. They hugged. THEY HUGGED and it was like, my crops are thriving, my skin cleared up. It was great. Okay? OKAY.
Comments:
Emily Lynn Welsh
Wow, I mean, that’s cool you gotta see them, but not cool that you took pictures. Did you even think about your job? What if you got fired all so you could get a blurry picture of two people hugging?
Melody Lereed
Why do cool things happen when I’m not at work. :( Do you think they’ll come back? I want to see them.
TonyStark #1 Fan Club
Thank you for the story and picture. Can we get permission to repost this with credit?
Erin Asby
Sure! I mean what’s the harm!
Misha Darby
I don’t know, I really don’t like the kid being poor or something. I’d be pissed if Stark just bought shit that I couldn’t afford just to show off. Does this mean he didn’t pay child support or something?
Erin Asby
Uhh, you weren’t there and didn’t see it. Tony was just being a good Dad. He knew his kid wanted it and the kid looked happy about it afterwards. It was a really nice moment.
Rachel White
Yeah that you filmed like an asshole. Let them have peace! They will tell us about him when he’s ready. Geez. This poor kid, anytime he goes outside with Tony he gets hounded by freaks like you.
Melody Lereed
Uh, yeah he goes OUTSIDE WITH THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON ON THE PLANET. He’s asking for it.
Flash Thompson
no effin way. That’s… fuck my life.
5. Tumblr
Dailytonystarkfanclub FOLLOW
June 4, 2020
Tony Stark eating at a restaurant with bodyguard Harold Hogan and unknown persons. June 4, 2020, New York.
Cuteboys247 FOLLOW
June 4, 2020
Ahhhhh, it’s the mystery kid!! ALERT ALERT WE HAVE DISCOVERED THE MYSTERY KID!! And he’s like 1000x cuter than I thought he’d be holy shit no one does this boy justice. HURRAH FOR HI RES STALKER PHOTOS.
Pretezeldayeveryday FOLLOW
June 5, 2020
Y’all are too thirsty for random boys u don’t even know the age of.
Marlonwaylons FOLLOW
June 5, 2020
Thirst has no limits, thirst needs no limits!
Supernaaaaaaatural FOLLOW
June 10, 2020
FINALLY SOME DECENT PHOTOS. GEEZ. And y’all missed the best part, here’s what the gossip mag said:
These photos, sent to us by a reader, show a softer side to Tony Stark, seated next to long time head of security and driver, Harold Hogan. Additionally, they were seated with several Department Heads at Stark Industries, including Dr. Rivera, Dr. Watkins and Dr. Vanuatu. However, the guest everyone was talking about was that of a young boy who seemed to have Tony Stark’s undivided attention. The reader who sent in the photo added this:
“I don’t know who that kid is, but Tony surely treats him like a son! He helped him figure out what was good on the menu, and made suggestions on what to order. And even shared some of his food with him! I’m sure he was going to reach over and cut the kid’s chicken if he couldn’t. When they were leaving, I heard the kid say something about still being hungry and Tony said he’d take him out to ice cream before they went home!!! He even walked out with his arm around the kid’s shoulder!”
Hot Gossip reached out to Stark Industries regarding the identity of the kid, but have not heard back from them.
UM TONY STARK IS A DAD, I WILL TAKE NO FURTHER QUESTIONS OR COMPLAINTS. THIS IS THE HILL I DIE ON THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
#tony stark is a dilf #tony stark mystery kid #is he considered a cryptid? #tell us who he is #thirsty
5. Discord
#solvingthecaseoftonystarkmysterychild
Damagedrice: okay okay okay guys guuuuyyyys ajflksjfsd. SOMETING HAPPENED TODAY
Irondaddy: whaaaaaaaa? Whaaaa?
Ewdavid: DO YOU HAVE AN UPDATE/
Damagedrice: yes yes yes omg its gonna take me a year to type this shit so patience buttercups
Irondaddy: you know I have zero patience Z E R O where’s @katiegirl??? Get ur ass in here
Katiegirl: asjlksjflksf asljflksf here but i’m at work so i might not respond often
Ewdavid: JULIA TYPE FASTER YOUR WHORE
Damagedrice: okay okay, calm deep breaths and don’t make this a keysmash
As you know I was casually hanging out at the cafe across the street from the Stark Tower
Irondaddy: like any normal human, go on
Ewdavid: lmao agreed
Damagedrice: and like, I was minding my own business when low and behold MYSTERY PETER KID WALKS INTO THE STORE
Ewdavid: laksjflksajflksjfsdlkf did you combust?
Irondaddy: klajskdljfda
Damagedrice: I didn’t freak out, thankfully. I mean, I almost died choking on my drink but like, I lived bitch.
Anyway, he came and he was on the phone and then he got in line but like no one else was freaking out I guess
So I did the brave thing and got inline behind him!!
Ewdavid: PICTURE? VIDEOS? AUDIO RECORDING
Katiegirl: you brave girl
Damagedrice: I didn’t take video or pictures or audio. I couldn't figure out how to do it without him noticing.
But he was def talking to Tony!! He was saying that he didn’t want the food in the Tower and that he liked the turkey sandwich from here
And I swear to you I could HEAR TONY STARK ON THE OTHER END
He was saying like i could have ordered it for you
But Peter was all like no, I have two legs, I can walk, what do you want?
And Tony was like decided and stuff
Ewdavid: what did he order? This is vital information.
Damangedrice: And I couldn’t hear Tony very well then but he was like laughing and then Peter took out a piece of paper and was like okay i’ll add you to the list
And Tony was like WHAT LIST?
And Peter was like I asked a few people what they wanted and I’m getting tons of food
And Tony was like PETER YOU ARE NOT EVERYONE'S INTERN YOU ARE MINE
ironDaddy: HE IS TONyS FUCKING INTERN? ARE YOU SURE HE SAID INTERN
Katiegirl: INTERNSON? SONTERN? LSDJFKLSDJF
Ewdavid: MIND BLOWN
Damagedrice: I FUCKING KNOW RIGHT but yes, 100% he said intern. Tony Stark is so loud and Peter was all like i can be everyone’s intern, i thought you said I can help other people
So like, yeah I N T E R N
Irondaddy: I FEEL SO POWERFUL WITH THIS INFORMATION WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
Damagedrice: Ummmm
Ewdavid: how does everyone here feel about blackmail?
Katiegirl: I kinda just want to know how much food he got
Damagedrice: A LOT and the kid is strong tho he carried two big bags without breaking a sweat. I think he ordered like over $100 worth of food and he was all apologetic about it and gave them a really big tip he felt bad he was making them do a big order but I think he orders there a lot because the cashier was like ITS OKAY PETER
Irondaddy: or they were left powerless by his famous puppy dog eyes but everyone, everyone, how do we proceed with this information???
Ewdavid: Clearly we sell it to the highest bidder. I mean, come on, we’ve got official confirmation!
+1 Instagram
PepperPotts-Stark: After today’s announcement regarding Peter Parker, I wanted to share some personal photos. Peter is a wonderful and kind soul, who has made a tremendous impact on everyone at SI and in our family. He’d frequently hang out with Tony, speaking the same language and working together on making the world a better place. I just wanted to share these photos with the world, to show a side of my soon to be husband that many don’t see.
Comments:
IamTonyStark: Aw, Pep you’ve made the kid blush.
BruceBanner: Glad to welcome another member of Science Bros!
RuthWHolden: OMG SO EFFIN CUTE
SkeletorsWife: this does not disprove that Peter Parker is Tony’s son. JUST SAYING.
Justs4yGr4c3: Okay when they said intern, they clearly meant son. Like, you’re fooling no one!
Guyinthechair: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DJFlashMaster: fml
Mayday67: thank you for the blackmail material!!
Peterparkour: :[
IamTonyStark: cheer up kiddo, I’m the one who's going to be blackmailed forever.
ColJamesRhodes: Thank you Pepper, you’ve done us all a great service.