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As the morning light started to peek through the window curtains, Frank frowned and slowly began opening his eyes. It was morning, the light breeze was chilly, contrasting with the shyness of the autumn’s sun. The only sound that could be heard came from the songbirds in nearby trees, and the room was filled with the smell of scrambled eggs and fresh coffee coming from downstairs. This peaceful atmosphere almost made Frank believe he was still dreaming. He couldn’t even remember when was the last time he woke up like this, even before the pandemic hit.
After his curiosity overcame his desire to stay in bed, Frank headed to the kitchen, where he found Bill casually making them breakfast, with his back to the door. Frank feared this could be a bit awkward after everything that happened the day before. Although nothing bad happened (quite the contrary, actually), moments like these were always a bit unpredictable, which was only exacerbated by the new set of social rules this post-apocalyptic society required.
Only a few minutes went by before Bill turned around and noticed Frank’s presence, the surprise startling him in the process, making him raise his hand to his chest. “He probably isn’t used to having people around”, thought Frank, holding back a slight smile.
— Jesus… – Bill let out under his breath, just loud enough so that Frank could hear.
— Good morning to you too – Was the best answer Frank could muster.
This version of Bill was pretty different from the one he saw when they first met (probably around the same time the day before, even). He didn’t look at all intimidating, he looked introspective, more gentle, almost shy. He cleaned his hands with a towel before serving the eggs on two plates already set on the table in the other room. Frank didn’t fail to notice the beautiful yet small vase with an arrangement of flowers discreetly decorating it, either.
— It’s good you’re awake, I was beginning to think you’d miss breakfast – Bill said, refusing to make eye contact. His tone was soft despite his harsh demeanor.
— Yeah, it is. – A small chuckle left Frank’s mouth, as they both sat to eat. – Thank you.
***
It was getting harder and harder to hide his ailments from Bill, Frank was coming to realize. His legs would shake from his weight, especially in the mornings and before bed. Standing for too long, carrying a little more weight, were some of the things that he never thought he took for granted, but alas, it was the case. Even then, he was too prideful to ask for Bill’s help. He refused to be a burden, especially considering how much Bill already did for him, and how self-reliant he was.
He was forced to confront this reality, however, on a fateful summer evening. They were doing the dishes together, Bill washed while Frank dried and put them away. The problem came when, due to some careless and extensive work on Frank’s part (considering he had already taken care of their garden that afternoon), he got the ever-so-frequent cramps in his hands, causing him to drop a mug on the floor and grunt in pain.
Bill immediately stopped in his tracks, furrowing his brow in worry as well as a silent question. He could see this situation wasn’t new to Frank. Why wouldn’t he tell him about this? He could’ve helped, damn it!
As he tended to his partner’s woes, Frank explained how this had been happening more and more frequently in the past months. It was caused by a genetic condition quite common in his family, so it wasn’t much of a surprise (but this didn’t mean it wasn’t worth worrying about!). Eventually, Bill’s emotions caught up to him. He hadn’t said a word during the whole explanation, but the frustration and worry (especially with the stories Frank had about his family members) were beginning to feel like too much for him. He only realized this as warm tears began rolling down his cheeks, the evidence of his inner turmoil.
— Oh, sweetheart… It’s okay. I’m here. – Frank whispered and touched both sides of Bill’s face carefully and softly. — Did you know a man can hold the whole world in his hands? – He asked, sure and adoringly, feeling charmed by Bill’s reaction.
— I would give it all to you. – Bill’s voice was firm, even though he cried. – Would protect you from any harm, and fix any problem.
— I know, my love and you have. This is just a misfortune, but nothing of that matters with you by my side.
With this bit of reassurance, Frank tenderly touches his forehead to Bill’s, as they share a comfortable silence, where both of their feelings are enough to fill the room. They would take care of each other, as they had done for more than a decade now.
***
Time was catching up too soon for Bill’s liking. His bones weren’t the same anymore. Now, it hurt too much for him to walk the stairs, it was almost impossible to do so alone. Due to their old age, and also because of the worsening condition of Frank’s disease, they decided to switch their bedroom to the room on the first floor. They weren’t so young anymore, after all, and it was bound to happen sooner or later. Fortunately enough, most of the rooms of the house were on the ground level, so at least that helped them in the end. He and Frank moved around their humble abode like clockwork, each had their own tasks and hobbies to accomplish, but sooner or later they could reconvene again in the kitchen. You could feel the warmth of their shared life filling the house as they were never truly alone, as even while having their own space, they would always stay connected either through the little things or even by thought. However, it was the occasions when they could be cooking or washing the dishes, enjoying each other's presence in these little moments, that they cherished the most.
***
Nevertheless, their lives weren’t built only of happy memories. Each had a lot of bad days too, moments where the gloom preyed on them, moments where hope escaped them, leaving them hollow. Sometimes being together was enough to fight this, sometimes it wasn’t. From time to time being together was too much, actually, as in too much to deal with. It was good that they lived alone in their little neighborhood, if not, they could probably wake everyone around them with their fights and shouting at each other. The bickering, the words said in the heat of the moment, Frank’s insistence to not only survive but to truly live together as a couple. He knew Bill’s only motivations were their survival, to keep them safe, and to guarantee that nothing would ever be amiss or lacking for them, and Frank loved him for it. But, sometimes, survival wasn’t enough.
Frank wanted, no, he needed to find and care for the beauty around them. Even if it wasn’t practical, even if the world was going up in flames. Bill couldn’t understand this, even though he wanted to, even though he tried. All the beauty he needed laid in Frank’s eyes, which is why he was worth saving, and why Bill vowed to protect him.
He wanted Frank to be able to see and have those things, however frivolous they might seem to him. Of course, he did. But the world simply wasn't the same anymore. He feared Frank had forgotten how it was outside of the little haven of theirs. He feared that everything he had done would be for nothing. All his work, everything that he, everything that they had to sacrifice, would be for nothing. He feared that something would happen, and it would be too late for him to save the one he loved, the reason that his heart was still beating in his chest. Bill had always had trouble sleeping, but nothing would ever compare to the sleepless nights nightmares involving Frank’s safety gave him.
They were both very strong-headed, and they knew it. But there were things that they simply couldn’t give up.
***
Bill walked through the kitchen door and brusquely stopped after taking one step forward. The agitation behind this action was due to the owner of the house getting bewitched by the sight before him. Bill did this every day after waking up and seeing Frank living with him, it was a reminder of how lucky he was now. Before Frank was part of Bill's life, his mother's residence, which was supposed to be his home after she passed, did not feel like one. It felt empty like it yearned for something more. Formerly, Bill did not know what it was, but now every time he saw Frank's back and, right after, the fondest of smiles directed at him… it all clicked. These precious moments and Frank's presence were the missing pieces to achieve the feeling of finally making this house a home.
