Chapter Text
Bowser sat upon his throne deep in thought. Humans… in his kingdom? Were they humans like his precious princess? No. They couldn't be. His spies had informed them that they were different. Two brothers apparently. One of which was with his princess and future bride. A snarl tugged at his lips. He had heard rumors that the princess was quite taken with this human. A low growl began to rumble in his chest at the thought. His minions had been quick to deny that there was any such chemistry between the two when they were in his presence but he knew. His mood soured the more he thought about it. What chance did he stand now that she had a human option?
A timid looking koopa hurried up the steps to his throne. He snorted and a large plume of smoke erupted from his nostrils. This had better be good news or he'd have another dry bones koopa in his army. The koopa seemed to pick up on his ill temper and jumped right in.
"S-sire! I bring good news!" He said, forcing a smile as he wrung his hands. Bowser leaned forward slightly. He would need a better angle in which to fry this poor messenger.
"And what news would that be?" Bowser said, with a scowl.
"It's about the humans." The koopa said quickly. Bowser slowly straightened up. He could save himself the time and simply burn him now.
"Are they dead?" He asked in a low hiss.
"N-no." The koopa said, shaking his head.
"Then how can you say you've brought good news?" He said, taking a deep breath in as fire began to crackle in the back of his throat. He got to his feet and bared his fangs as he opened his jaws.
"We captured one!" The koopa shouted and threw his hands up to shield himself. Bowser froze. The fire died in his throat.
"You what…?" He said, lowering his head so that he was eye to eye with the tiny trembling koopa.
"We captured one!" The koopa bleated as he shook in his boots. "They're bringing him over as we speak!" He squeaked. Bowser straightened up and scratched his chin. He sat back down on his throne. This… This might change things.
"Anything else?" He asked, as he tapped his claws on the rough stone.
"N-nothing new to report sire!" The koopa said, glancing up at him fearfully.
"Hmm…" Bowser stared off into the distance. "You may go." He said waving a clawed hand lazily. The koopa gulped and bowed before scampering off. Bowser glared off into the distance. He took slow measured breaths as he waited. He would finally get to see one of these new humans for himself.
He wasn't kept waiting long as he saw the balloonship approaching in the distance. He clenched one of his fists as he thought about what he would do. Should he kill the horrible creature on sight? It would certainly send a message. No. No, he should ask it where its brother was first. Then he could dispose of it. He watched as the shy guys entered the throne room. His blood was already burning as he prepared to lay eyes on the threat to his kingdom and future marriage.
His breath suddenly froze in his chest. His claws dug into the stone armrest of his throne. This couldn't be right. The lead shy guy tugged on the rope binding the small green clad human. He stumbled forward as he looked around the chamber in obvious fright. Bowser furrowed his brow. This human was even smaller than his princess somehow. He felt a strange lurch in his stomach. The way it quivered… The shy guy leading him yanked on his bonds and the human fell forward. Bowser started to snarl. He wasn't sure why but he was upset that the leader was being unnecessarily forceful with the human.
"We found him in the darklands." The lead shy guy announced. Bowser let a low growl slip out as he leaned forward. The human scrambled onto his knees and looked up. He let out a squeak as he saw the great monster before him. He bit his lip to keep it from trembling. This monster could certainly eat him alive. Bowser snorted in amusement. He liked the look of fearful reverence in his bright blue eyes.
"Leave him to me." He smirked as he descended the steps to his throne. The human started to look around in a panic for some sort of escape. Bowser's heart raced and swelled with delight. This human's reaction was stroking his ego in such a delicious way. His trusted magikoopa appeared and magiced him out of his rope bonds and into a set of blue magic ones. He raised the human off the ground and sent him forward. The human let out a yelp as he flew towards the great draconic beast.
"What is your name?" Bowser asked as he placed a clawed finger on the human's chest. His grin widened as the human gulped. He spun him around as the human stammered helplessly.
"Uh! L-Luigi." He bleated. Bowser chuckled as the human desperately tried to keep his eyes on him as he spun around. He didn't want this terrifying beast out of his sight.
"I'm not sure if you know who I am but I'm about to marry a princess and rule the world." He tried to play off confidently as he examined his sharp claws. He rubbed two together before placing one under the human's chin. The human laughed nervously.
"Wow, haha, yay…" He said weakly. Bowser's smile faltered for a split second. The human's response displeased him. Why wasn't he more impressed? He shook his head. Why did it matter what this small pathetic human thought? "But there's one problem, Luigi." He continued as he straightened his hat. "There's a human traveling with my fiancée. Has a mustache, just like yours." He said, placing a finger under his chin. He felt something stir inside him as he felt the human's soft skin and twirled his mustache with a claw. "Do you know him?"
"Know? No!" Luigi said quickly.
"Ah! A tough one I see." He smiled deviously. He had an excuse to play with his prisoner. "Maybe this will get you to talk?" He said, delicately grabbing a single hair from his mustache. The human yelped adorably.
"Y-you think I k-know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical out-ow!" He winced as Bowser gave it an experimental tug. "-Outfit with the letter of his first name on it?" He rambled. "B-because I don't!" Bowser frowned. His prisoner was denying him. How dare he. He plucked the hair out. The human let out a yelp of pain. He took the human in one of his clawed hands, dispelling the blue magic binding him. He grabbed a hank of his mustache.
"Do you know him?" He roared as he started to pull on it. What was he thinking about before? He needed to focus on his original plan. He needed to focus on his princess.
"Stop! Stop! I'll talk!" The human begged. "I-I know him! Yes, I know him! He's my brother Mario!" He said, squeezing his eyes shut as they started to water. "And he's the best plummer in the world!"
"Do princesses find him attractive?" He demanded.
"They do if they have good taste!" Luigi said without thinking. Bowser snarled and ripped out several hairs. The human wailed and Bowser tossed him aside.
"Get him out of my sight!" He ordered. The human started to cower again and a smile tugged at Bowser's lips. He liked watching this human quiver with fear. Luigi put a hand to his smarting upper lip and whimpered. Bowser looked at the hairs in between his claws and felt a twinge of guilt. He didn't mean to pull that many out. Though he did find it odd that the human seemed more hurt and upset over a few missing mustache hairs than being thrown. He rubbed the hairs between his fingers and watched out of the corner of his eye as the human was dragged away.
That night the koopa king tossed and turned in his bed. His mind was burning with questions and he was feeling restless from all the racing thoughts. His new human prisoner kept drifting to the forefront of everything. He hadn't felt this way since he first laid eyes on the princess. He frowned. He had the star. He just needed to make it past the Princess's silly army, present the star to her, and ask for her hand. Clearly she'd say yes, right? He went through all this work after all. He defeated all her enemies, or at least the other kingdoms that weren't part of hers. He could give her their lands and treasures and they could rule together. It would be easy. They'd have nothing to worry about and could live a nice quiet life.
And yet despite all the hard work he had done so far, for her, she still didn't want to meet with him. Why? He huffed. Not only did she not seem to appreciate all that he was doing for her but she seemed to resent him for it. It made no sense. She was even building an army right now to prevent him from entering her kingdom and that other human was helping her. He sat up. He needed answers. Perhaps his prisoner could give him some. Perhaps he would have some human insight.
Luigi jerked awake as he felt his cage being raised out of the pit. He looked around hopeful that he was being rescued. His heart sank as he saw the great beast pulling his cage up. He gulped as the door was unlocked and a clawed hand reached in to grab him. He squeaked as it wrapped around him and pulled him out.
"Luigi, was it?" Bowser asked, as he looked him up and down.
"Yeah?" He said uncertainly.
"Tell me," He said as he scratched his chin. "What do the princesses of your world like?"
"...What?" Luigi blinked.
"Do they like stars?" Bowser asked earnestly.
"Uh." Luigi frowned.
"Do they like large armies?"
"Um, maybe?"
"How about great wealth and conquered lands?" Bowser continued.
"I mean, you'd have to ask the princess, I guess." Luigi said, completely confused as to where this was going.
"Yes I know, but in general do they like those things?"
"I don't know." Luigi said hopelessly. Bowser let out a frustrated snort and set him down.
"Then what do they like?" He demanded.
"I don't know!" Luigi said, raising his hands. "Why don't you ask your princess fiancée?"
"I would but she won't even let me talk to her!" Bowser shouted. Luigi stared at him. There was a stretch of silence.
"Oh, um, that's rough buddy." Luigi said, and reached out to awkwardly pat him on the arm. Bowser nodded and sat down. He put his head in his hands. "Uh…" Luigi looked around. It seemed to just be the two of them. He could make a run for it. But could he really escape this terrifying monster? He didn't even know where he was. How could he even hope to find his way out? Luigi swung his arms by his side absently and kicked his feet. He sidled up next to the beast and sat down beside him. "So, why won't she talk to you?"
"I don't know!" Bowser said, pulling his head out of his hands and looking down at him. "I have a great kingdom, armies, a flying castle, dashingly good looks." He ran a hand through his red hair and grinned. "What am I missing?" Luigi shrugged. Bowser scowled and shook his head. "I even captured a star for her! Do you know how rare those are?" Bowser said while gesturing.
"Uh, really rare?" Luigi guessed.
"Exactly!" Bowser said appreciatively. "I even spend years capturing and defeating lesser kingdoms and she still won't even talk to me!" He put a hand to his face and growled. "And yet your brother waltzes in and is able to charm her in only a few days!" He glared down at him and let out a smoke filled snort. Luigi coughed and tried to wave the smoke away. "Am I not attractive enough?"
"Oh! Uh…" Luigi avoided his gaze uncomfortably. Bowser narrowed his eyes.
"Am I not attractive?" He asked earnestly. Luigi squeaked.
"What? N-no! You're very, um, attractive!" He said quickly. Bowser put a finger under his chin and turned his head to face him.
"You said that without looking at me." He growled. "Do you not find me attractive?" Luigi blushed and started to sweat.
"Uh!" He panicked. Bowser's eyes widened.
"You don't find me attractive!" He said, sounding offended.
"No! I do! I do!" Luigi said standing up.
"Oh yeah? Then tell me what you find attractive about me." Bowser demanded. Luigi fidgeted nervously as his eyes darted over him.
"Well, um-" He gulped and tugged on the collar of his shirt. "Your eyes!" Luigi said quickly as Bowser placed a claw under his chin and their eyes met.
"My eyes?" Bowser said slowly as he narrowed them. "What about them?"
"They're great! Very handsome!" Luigi spluttered. Bowser looked at him skeptically. "They're like great pools of lava." Luigi said, staring into them. "Or fra diavolo sauce. I can feel how hot they are without even looking at them." He laughed nervously as he looked away.
"Fra diavolo?" Bowser asked slowly.
"Yes!" Luigi said quickly as he glanced back at them. "Definitely fra diavolo." He said, rubbing his chin as he stared deeper into them. "It's more of a fiery scarlet than the flat red of a marinara sauce." Bowser felt his heart flutter unexpectedly. Was it the compliment or the way those soft kind blue eyes explored his? He blinked. The human's eyes were the same color as a newborn draglet.
"And your scales…" Luigi continued as he looked around his face.
"My scales?"
"Like farfalle." He said as he reached out to touch his cheek. Bowser blushed and put his hand over Luigi's.
"What are these things of which you speak?" He said, pulling his hand away.
"Pasta?" Luigi asked, confused.
"Pasta?" Bowser said furrowing his brow.
"Like spaghetti or lasagna or-" Luigi began to list but trailed off as he saw the confused look on Bowser's face. Luigi's eyes widened in disbelief. "You've never had pasta?" He gasped. Bowser narrowed his eyes.
"I assume that this 'pasta' is some sort of human food?" He said, getting to his feet.
"Y-yeah!" Luigi squeaked as Bowser grabbed him once again.
"I shall have to have you make me some later to see whether your comments on my handsome eyes and scales were insults or not." He said, shoving him back into his cage.
"W-wait!" Luigi pleaded as he gripped the bars of his tiny prison and glanced nervously at the pit below. "I-I could make you some now!"
"I'm not hungry at the moment." Bowser said lazily. "Perhaps later." He said as he gripped the cage by the chain and dangled it over the pit. Luigi clung onto the bars for dear life as he stared at the lava below. Bowser's heart fluttered again. This human had the cutest expression of fear.
"P-Please d-don't drop the-!" He begged before Bowser let go. Bowser grinned with stupid delight as he heard his scream of terror as he plummeted downward. He had an extra bounce in his step as he walked back to his bed chambers.