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Man, was this an exciting day for Albert Einstein.
There was a party for all the rich and powerful and cool people and he wanted to go so badly that he actually rose from the dead! Because he was rich! And powerful (debatable)! And cool! It was definitely a place for him!
He arrived at the hotel (which was weirdly located in a town named zootopia? what? what even is this name?) and walked up to the guy at the entrance. He was an elephant apparently. Okay. Cool.
“Name?” the elephant asked, scratching his nuts with his trunk and generally not giving a shit.
“Albert Einstein,” said Albert Einstein.
“You’re not on the list”
“But… :(“
“No.”
It looked like there was no hope. He was either not rich not popular or not cool enough. Or somebody thought that death was gonna stop him from coming here. Well shit.
He was about to go kill himslef when somebody grabbed his shirt and pulled him inside. The elephant guy, once again, did not give a single shit. What an icon. We love him.
Einstein’s cock knew who pulled them before Einstein did. And by “them” i mean Einstein and his cock, because the cock is sentient. It’s the genius actually. It majored in mathemadicks (i’m. i’m sorry). How could it forget the electrifying touch, the cocky smirk and these intense green organs of sight.
“He’s with me”, explained Elon Musk, and once again, the elephant could not be bothered.
Albert didn’t know how to react. Elon? It’s been so long! Fortunately his dick knew what to do because it twitched immediately and tried to get as close to Musk as possible. However, dicks are not known for being particularly mobile and so the only thing it could do was to get hard. Huh.
I sure hope nobody notices, thought Einstein.
“Your cock is fucking huge,” said Elon.
“Yeah, you’ve kinda… seen it already?” Einstein was blushing like an anime girl. UwU
“Oh, yeah”
“You want to… see it again?”
Suddenly Musk became a lot less enthusiastic.
“About that- I don’t think I am allow-” he started, but was cut off when Einstein put his big plump lips on his and kissed him vigorously.
However, the floor was homophobic, and a pit to hell opened right under their feet and swallowed them. Like there was an actual audible swallowing sound but only the elephant guy was in the hearing proximity and you can imagine what his reaction was.
Hell turned out to not be actually hell but the backrooms, and they were not alone there. Two more men were standing nearby in the poorly lit yellow corridor, equally confused and, oh yes, also naked and in the middle of intense gay sex. Whoops.
Elon recognised them immediately.
“Donald!” he cried out. “Donald Trump! I thought we were supposed to get married! And you’re cheating?!”
“what.” asked Einstein, which was a reasonable question.
Trump took his dick out of the other man’s ass and it went out with a loud and wet pop. The man turned around, so that everyone could see his face now, because he felt excluded from the conversation.
“Leonardo DiCaprio?!” Einstein asked again, and this time the question was not reasonable. What is he, blind? But remember, the dick’s the genius, not him; so he only remembers people it knows and Leonardo was unfortunately not one of them. Maybe it’s time to change that.
“Listen. I literally could not care less. If I remember correctly, it’s you who is engaged to me and not the other way around” said Trump and started playing with his penis. Just bouncing it on his hand and stuff.
Elon was visibly angry. You could tell by those blue veins appearing all over his head.
“That’s not how it works!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” he shouted and suddenly his forehead popped out like a balloon that was squeezed, and also his whole head became blue. It was probably a tumor but Einstein found it incredibly hot.
With his new megamind powers Elon started staring at LEonardo. Leonardo, thinking it was supposed to be a staring-contest-gone-sexual situation, stared back, but the moment their gazes met, he exploded into a cloud of smoke.
“Wow. That’s just rude” commented Trump, who was now tying little animals with his cock like those balloon ones at festivals.
Why are there so many balloon metaphors. Am I secretly yearning for a balloon? Is it my soul’s deepest desire? A balloon? Somebody buy me one they’re so fun :(
Anyway, Leonardo did not in fact disappear, but was turned into a glass of suspicious white liquid. Obviously, the only logical thing to do now was to drink it, and so Einstein threw himself at it to do exactly that. And “logical” means “the stupidest possible”.
“Nooooooooo” shouted Elon and tried to drag him away but it was too late. Albert drank the whole glass. Then he died :) rip
Fortunately the megamind powers were very op and plot-convinient and Musk was able to bring his ex-lover back to life. But Einstein was not who he was before. He changed. Death changes a man. Shapes him in ways not otherwise possible. Some people get incredible wisdom from such encounters with death, some supernatural powers.
Einstein got vnfdjgkehgviudfhkjerhreiudfiosis, a rare genetic disorder which makes him reenact 9/11 but with different buildings if he doesn’t have sex in the next 15,36 seconds.
Musk obviously knew that because he read today’s horoscope, so he took off his pants, ready to save a life, when Trump stepped iinbetween them.
“Absolutely not. Were you seriously going to cheat on my right before my eyes?! Unbelievable!”
Elon looked at him in rage.
“You know what? I’m done! I don’t want to marry you, I never did!”
Trump was a little shocked.
“Uh yeah, obviously. Your family sold you to me for a ten piece mcnuggets duh”
“oh.”
“so yeah i don’t think you have a choice. Get away from this incredibly sexy but ultimately doomed to die body”
Elon tried not to look at Trump’s poodle-shaped dick, as it was really distracting. He knew his family arranged their marriage but he never realised how much he’d been sold for. A whole 10 piece! It’s truly a fortune! His family must love him so much.
He also wondered about what he will be missing. If he breaks off his engagement, he will never see this amazing super duper flexible 14-inch dick again. Is it worth it?
Well, maybe it was, but he’ll never know, because while he was having a philosophical debate with himself, Einstein died again, and this time he went to Hell2 from where there’s no escape. Yeah he was supposed do reenact 9/11 but the striking lack of buildings in here caused his body to just spontanously combust.
And just like this, Elon was left alone with Trump in the backrooms. Well, alone if you don’t count Einstein's actively-on-fire corpse. Which i don’t. That would be messed up.
“There’s no one else here,” Musk brilliantly pointed out. He was truly a master of deduction.
So they prayed and prayed and prayed and Jesus came because he really wanted Trump to finally untie his dick and Trump swore to only do this after his and Elon’s wedding. There was no other way than to pronounce them officially married, man and femboy or whatever they say, and get tf outta there, and that’s what Jesus did.
Elon and Trump spent the rest of their days in the backrooms and had 14 beautiful children.
Don’t ask who was pregnant. It was the poodle.
Yes. Trump did tie his dick again.
The end.