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A/N: Could’t sleep at my new house so I wrote a 4 a.m. ficlet about Felicity not being able to sleep. Title from that Perishers song.
Twisting In My Head
Felicity can’t sleep.
It’s at least 3 a.m. by this point. It was 2:36 the last time she checked, telling herself that she could get almost five full hours of sleep if she fell asleep immediately. Of course, she did not fall asleep immediately, hence the almost 3 a.m.
It’s their first official night living in the loft. They spent the day moving her stuff from her condo into the Queens’ massive space, but one of the elevators was broken and Oliver had ended up carrying most of her things up the flights of stairs. She teased him for being “out of shape” when he collapsed on the couch but stopped him short when he got his second wind, insisting they could leave unpacking for tomorrow.
She regrets that decision now because Oliver’s -- their -- bedroom, is sparsely decorated and less welcoming than the cheapest motel they had stayed on their trip.
Plus, she’s too hot. His arms and his breath and the way he’s kind of halfway draped over her have her feeling like she’s sharing the bed with a human furnace. On their trip, every night in his arms had been sated perfection. Now, it just feels kind of stifling.
She carefully extricates herself from his embrace, smiling despite herself at how the depth of his own exhaustion lets him sleep through her exit. It makes her heart ache a little, thinking about how fitful she knows his rest used to be. She still feels a little victorious every time he goes out cold.
She pads down the stairs and across the bare floors of the loft, trying her best to make no noise, though she can still hear faint echoes off the high ceilings. She tries to shove down the thought that no one’s home should echo like that, and realizes almost immediately that cold hardwood and echos are all Oliver and Thea have ever known. She’s never been more thankful for the cramped but cozy one-bedroom apartment she and Donna shared for years.
Felicity steps out to the balcony, wrapping her robe around her more for comfort than cold, staring out at the Starling -- Star City -- skyline. If her life was a movie, this would be the part where the manic pixie dream girl starts to freak out about things moving too fast. But it’s not the cohabitation that’s got her anxious, it’s everything else. It’s a CEO position she didn’t ask for and an ex-boyfriend that may or may not be dead and an old city with a new moniker protected by new vigilantes with names she knows by heart.
She’s so deep in her thoughts that she doesn’t hear him swing open the doors to the balcony. But she senses him instinctively, with some part of her soul, before she actually feels his arms wrap around her waist.
“Felicity?”
Her name is a million different things every time it leaves his lips. In the early morning city silence, it’s a simple question.
“I’m okay,” she assures him, but she can only turn halfway to face him because her gut’s still rolling and anything more would be dishonest.. “I just couldn’t sleep.”
“I told you we could get our own place,” he says, but it’s without accusation.
“It’s not that, I swear,” she tells him honestly. “I want to be here, I want you to be here. As much family as possible.”
Oliver just nods, and she knows they’re both thinking about the pieces of their found family that are missing at the moment.
“It was just too hot and I couldn’t...there’s a lot going on up here, you know?” she adds, almost involuntarily.
Felicity taps at her head and he grasps the hand before she can pull it away, forcing her to turn the rest of the way in his arms. He presses a kiss to her forehead and it brings back a dimmed memory that still makes her dig her fingernails into his arms to anchor him against her.
“I do know,” he smiles down at her and it’s almost bright enough to distract her. “I’ve known that for years. Come back to bed.”
“I will,” she nearly whispers. “Just have to think through...some things.”
He nods, solemnly, and kisses her chastely before heading back inside. It feels like she’s only watched the stars above Star City for a few minutes before the door opens behind her once again.
“Think through some things…” he echoes and she hears his voice crack a little on the last word. It might just be sleep, but when she turns to see his eyes, her heart does a full loop-de-loop.
“Oliver, no,” she can’t back this train up fast enough, “not...us. Never.”
“Not never,” he nods off her explanation before she even realizes her panic had dispensed the platitude. “I know this won’t always be as perfect as it has been, as it was on our trip.” His eyes are serious, but the corners of his mouth twitch up at the memory. “But you’d...you’ll tell me, when it is, right?”
Goddamn it, she loves him so much. She had lusted after the Hood, and she fell in love with the Arrow, but she’s absolutely crazy about Oliver Queen, about this man he’s becoming. How he talks and asks and answers and loves her, just constantly.
“Of course, Oliver. Of course I would.”
She has to kiss him then, pressing her security against his lips so he knows for sure. The slide of her tongue into his mouth is just for fun. It’s one of those moments, one of those revelations that keeps knocking her sideways every time she thinks she’s got them figured out.
Felicity’s worried about so many things right now, there’s so much that could go wrong, but in this moment, the only thing Oliver’s worried about is them. And she’s so glad for it. He’s carried so much weight on his shoulders, all his life, even before the island and the Arrow. She realizes in that moment that she’d gladly take it all on, everything for the rest of their lives, just to have him by her side. Just Oliver, unencumbered by the heavy weight of life and death. Just Oliver, free to love her the way he’s demonstrated over the last few months. Just her Oliver.
Their kiss turns languid, and she finds her eyelids drooping in exhaustion.
“Mmm.” He must feel her shift, because he scoops her into his arms easily then, groaning only slightly at muscles that must be totally taxed from the move. “My hero.”
She’s asleep before he reaches the top of the stairs.