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Russell has a test for his dates. He calls it The Mr. Fredrickson Test.
Sure, it matters what his mom thinks. It even sort of matters what his dad thinks. But if his date is mean to Mr. Fredrickson, or if Mr. Fredrickson doesn’t approve, it’s a deal breaker.
Mr. Fredrickson doesn’t like Janelle (rude), Hannah (boring), or Kelly (doesn’t like dogs). He’s ambivalent towards Gigi (sweet, if a bit dim) and Veronica (shy). He’s surprised by Tommy, but eventually says, “Your hair’s too long.” Tommy fingers his long bangs nervously and stammers something out.
Later, Mr. Fredrickson says, “I didn’t know you liked boys too, Russell.”
“I was worried to tell you,” Russell admits. He had introduced Tommy as a friend, but he knows Mr. Fredrickson isn’t dumb. Of course he’d figured it out.
“Well, don’t be,” grumps Mr. Fredrickson. “Just pick better dates.”
Dug jumps up, a little shakily (he’s getting old, though Muntz had made sure his dogs were long-lived), and says, “I liked the boy! He smelled like bacon!”
Russell meets Andy while he’s working at the local coffee shop during his last year of high school. He’s taking orders from the flood of new college students who are trying out the different places around campus. Andy comes up with a smile and Russell’s heart flips over in his chest when he notes the freckles across Andy’s cheeks.
“One small, black coffee,” he says, and Russell could kiss him for having such a simple order and not using Starbucks lingo.
“Sure thing,” Russell says. “That’ll be seventy-five cents.”
Andy hands over a dollar and drops the quarter he gets as change into the tip jar. Russell pours out a cup of coffee and hands it over. Andy’s fingers brush against his and Russell tries not to grin like an idiot.
“Thank you,” Andy says, leaning in to read Russell’s nametag. “Russell.” He holds out his free hand and says, “I’m Andy. I’ll be back.”
Russell shakes his hand and gives into his impulse to grin. “Good,” he says.
Andy, true to his word, comes back most days. If it’s not too crowded, he’ll lean up against the counter and talk to Russell a little. Russell’s childhood loquaciousness has not faded with age, and once Andy asks him about the town, or about his interests, Russell is off and running.
Andy, it turns out, is undecided for his major, though he’s thinking about math. “I’m good at math,” he explains to Russell, who scowls.
“So am I, but I don’t like doing it,” Russell says.
“Well, what about you?” Andy asks coaxingly. “You’re applying to schools, right? What are you thinking of doing?”
Russell hesitates, then admits, “Anthropology.”
“Wow!” Andy says. “That’s awesome. You like learning about cultures and stuff?”
“I was a Wilderness Explorer when I was a kid,” Russell replies, smiling. “It’s how I met my best friend.”
“Yeah? I’d like to meet him,” Andy says, and that’s how Russell ends up taking Andy to meet Mr. Fredrickson.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Russell warns Mr. Fredrickson. “I just – we’re friends and he said he wanted to meet you.”
Mr. Fredrickson raises his eyebrows at Russell and harrumphs. “Well, bring him by. If the dirigible doesn’t scare him off, I think you’re already off to a great start.”
Andy, to his credit, just thinks that it’s awesome. “Wow,” he says to Russell, “your best friend must be totally badass,” and then doesn’t even blink when he meets Mr. Fredrickson, just shakes his hand politely and says, “Nice to meet you, sir.”
Dug sniffs around Andy, then jumps up and licks his face. “I have just met you and I like you,” he announces.
Andy’s eyes go huge in his face and he says, “You have a talking dog?” in a tone so excited that Russell is reminded of himself at age eight.
“I like the new boy,” Dug tells Russell. “He is my favorite.”
Russell tries not to look guilty when Andy raises his eyebrows at him. “I guess this is pretty standard, then,” he says, going down on his knees to pet Dug. Dug rolls over onto his back and pants happily.
“You’ve passed with flying colors,” Russell says after glancing at Mr. Fredrickson. Mr. Fredrickson gives him thumbs up.
One day, Andy shows up at Russell’s school. Russell is talking with his friend Amy Chen, who is helping him in AP Spanish, when he sees Andy loitering at the entrance. He breaks off and Amy follows his look.
“Ooh, he’s cute,” she says. “Do you know him?”
Andy catches sight of Russell and waves enthusiastically. “Hey, Russell!”
A few people give Russell odd looks as he heads over to Andy, but he doesn’t care. “Andy, what are you doing here?”
“I know you have the day off, so I thought we could hang out.” He glances at Amy, who is hanging back shyly. “Your girlfriend can come too.”
“Not his girlfriend!” Amy blurts out. “Russell is single!”
Russell glares at her and she lets out a nervous giggle before waving and excusing herself. “Yeah, well,” Russell says. “What did you have in mind?”
Andy grabs Russell’s hand and tows him to his car. Russell stares at their joined hands, beaming. “We,” Andy announces when they reach the car, “are going swimming.”
At the pool, which is normally closed by this time of year, Andy strips down to his boxers. “My friend’s dad owns the place,” he explains to Russell, who is a little worried that they’re trespassing. “She gave me the key and told me we could have it.”
“Why did you want to go swimming?” asks Russell, slowly taking off his own jacket. He’s lost most of his childhood pudge, though he wouldn’t say that he’s in shape by any means, and he’s feeling a little self-conscious next to Andy.
“I love swimming,” Andy explains, and he cannonballs into the water with an almighty splash. When he surfaces, he says, “What are you waiting for?”
Russell says, “Fine!” and wrestles himself out of his clothes. He approaches the edge of the pool and stands there for a moment, looking down at Andy. “Is it cold?”
Andy rolls his eyes and curls his hand around Russell’s ankle, tugging lightly. “Come on, Russell.”
Russell grins and says, “Stand aside.” He waits for Andy to move, and then he yells, “Cannonball!” He leaps into the pool and lands with a loud noise and what must be a pretty big splash.
When he reaches the surface, Andy is laughing and blinking water out of his eyes. “Nice,” he says appreciatively and then he looks speculatively at Russell. “Race you across?”
“Winner’s choice of prize,” Russell says immediately, because if he wins he’s totally planning on making Andy let him drive the car. Andy agrees and the two of them count off together, staring each other down.
Russell launches himself into freestyle stroke. He’s always been good at swimming; it was one of the badges in Wilderness Explorers. But Andy’s better. Russell can see him gaining inches and tries to speed up.
When he reaches the far end of the pool, Andy grabs him before he can hit the side and says, “Winner’s choice of prize, right?”
When Russell nods, Andy says, “Well, here goes,” and he leans in to kiss Russell. On the mouth.
Russell doesn’t do anything, completely confused and totally elated at the same time. Andy pulls back, blushing bright red, and says, “Well, um,” and Russell shouts, “Wait, no!” He splashes Andy in his effort to wave his hands in protest.
“What?” Andy asks, startled. He wipes water from his face.
“I had no warning, I had no proper time to react,” Russell protests. “Let’s try again, okay?”
Andy smiles suddenly, bright and huge. “Okay,” he agrees and he leans in again. This time, Russell reaches up to put his hands in Andy’s hair and pulls him in closer. Andy kisses him and Russell kisses back, tasting chlorine and peppermint and spit, and Russell totally loves it.
Andy, it turns out, has a test of his own.
“We’re going to meet my old toys,” he tells Russell when they drive up in front of the house. A small girl is playing out front with a veritable army of toys and when Andy gets out, he calls, “Bonnie? Hey, Bonnie, it’s Andy, do you remember me?”
Bonnie nods, eyes looking from Andy to Russell. She points at Russell with a questioning look.
“She’s pretty shy,” Andy tells Russell in an undertone. “This is my friend Russell,” he says in a louder voice. “I wanted to show him my old toys and how good you are at playing with them.”
Bonnie grins suddenly and says, “Okay!”
Russell acts out the entirety of his Paradise Falls adventure for the two of them, using the Mr. Potatohead as Mr. Fredrickson and the cowboy as himself, the pig as Muntz, the dog as, well, Dug, and one of Bonnie’s bright dolls as Kevin.
“Wow,” Andy says, hooking his chin over Russell’s shoulder. “That really happened?”
“It definitely did,” Russell says. He had never really told many people what had happened at Paradise Falls; he knew instinctively that they wouldn’t believe him. But Andy accepts it without a question.
As they drive to Andy’s house, Russell asks, “Did I pass?”
Andy gives him a small smile and says, “You passed with flying colors.”