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Managing a troupe of rising talents — prodigies, if you dare call them that — isn’t an easy task by any means. It’s an arduous undertaking of the utmost magnitude. One that demands unwavering resilience as well as a Ph.D. in the art of lying.
This, Hoshino Aquamarine knows all too well. Through a trial by fire, his adoptive parents fought hell and back. And once the dust had settled, they were able to bring the new idol group B-Komachi to its former glory. And now, after all the events following the life sentence given to Kamiki Hikaru, the now twenty-one-year-old Aqua feels like he can finally breathe.
Or so he tries. Aqua finds himself aimlessly sifting through a sea of university papers mindlessly scattered across the kitchen table, any efforts to actually understand its contents flying out the window. His Spotify plays one of his sister's most famous songs in the background, but it does little to help his concentration.
After years of blissful detachment from the minutiae of hospital drugs, courtesy of the ever-convenient virtual repository of medical knowledge, (everything is at the distance of a click nowadays) he now feels more mentally drained than ever before. The mere sight of the name Amitriptyline scrawled across yet another PowerPoint slide threatens to send him into a state of unconsciousness. An incomprehensible mass of pharmaceutical jargon.
Kana's words, not his.
That's right. A year ago Aqua applied to medical school. While he deeply cherishes the joy and the moments of performing alongside his esteemed friends and peers, he views acting as nothing more than a delightful hobby. And in the end, no dead mother’s pressure will sway his mind. After all, he was born anew for this very purpose — to save lives.
Except for hers, apparently.
Kamiki Hikaru was arrested three years ago.
And with his capture, a lot of obscure secrets reached the surface.
Ai wasn’t his first victim, nor the last. All and all, Kamiki Hikaru was accountable for the direct murder of no fewer than seven individuals and has been linked to the tragic suicides of three others, a lot of them connected to the entertainment industry. And it would be remiss to overlook the ones where he was the puppeteer behind the scenes, pulling the right strings and manipulating idol fans on the brink of madness to do the dirty work for him. Like he did to Ai.
His two initial transgressions, however, were classified as manslaughter.
It first happened when he was eleven. He was broken. Jumping from foster home to foster home, his genes were both a blessing and a curse. Everyone was willing to take him in, but many of them took advantage of having a young handsome child man around the house.
Kamiki Hikaru was sexually abused.
Several times from the ages of nine to thirteen. Rumor has it some of them may have gotten pregnant, but proving that in court seemed to be a far more difficult task since those women were either dead or refused to admit their crimes on national TV. Testimonies of eyewitnesses from his childhood village in the countryside forcefully reached the surface, most of them admitting their lack of scrutiny back then.
But Aqua doesn’t buy that. He knows. His biological father cried for help and no one listened.
“You're lucky, why are you crying?”
Things like that.
Japan is so advanced and at the same time, it’s a country stuck in the past. Proudly boasts some of the most cutting-edge advancements and modern conveniences known to humankind while being hamstrung by a stubborn adherence to outdated customs and ways of thinking. You’re a joke. Don’t cry. I'm sure you wanted it as well.
Backward people tend to gather in one common place and their ideals spread like wildfire. In that twisted town where ignorance reigned supreme, these beliefs were perpetuated and reinforced by like-minded individuals who were all too eager to follow the herd. Like a cult. Once you notice it, the more disgusting it becomes. That sadistic town knew what was happening, yet they turned a blind eye and their lips remained shut.
When the truth is replaced by silence, the silence is a lie.
They refused to speak out against what was happening to that young foster boy. The result was a culture of lies and deceit, where the truth was hidden away and the vulnerable were left to suffer in silence. No one said a word, yet everyone lied.
It’s utterly repulsive.
Still, Aqua has no sympathy left for the man who killed Ai. It was barbaric. Unforgivable. Her life was snuffed out too soon. Kamiki Hikaru robbed the world of a vibrant and talented soul.
And for that, he shall pay for the rest of his life.
It is true that if Ai were the only one to suffer by his hands, his punishment would have been as light as a feather. But the older he became, the more influence he had in the entertainment industry — and the more he kept on killing. His crimes only grew in number, each one more heinous than the last. It could have been the tale of a tragic soul who did everything in his power to survive a fucked up childhood. However, it turned out to be the story of a sick child who grew into a sick, twisted man who found pleasure in killing those who became famous because of pretty little lies.
Why did you kill her?
Back then, when Aqua asked him that question, the ghost of a hand had reached into his chest and squeezed it with a vice-like grip. A dagger to his soul, plunging deep and twisting mercilessly until Aqua could barely stand the pain.
It is true: Ai was a charming enigma, a master of lies who could weave a web of deceit so effortlessly that even her children were fooled by her sweetness. Her lies were not malicious or meant to harm others; rather, they were her way of showing how much she cared. A way of wrapping her loved ones in a warm blanket of fanciful stories and even fancier dreams.
Despite her idiosyncratic way of expressing love, there was no mistaking the sincerity and depth of emotion behind every word she spoke. Her heart was as pure as gold, radiating a warmth and light that enveloped all who came near. Her flaws and shortcomings were mere shadows, mere footnotes in the grand tapestry of her life, overshadowed by the brilliance of her spirit.
She loved people in her own unique way. And not an ounce of it was fake.
To Ai, lies were love.
Ai was a liar. That was enough. And since you've come as far as to get me arrested then I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, now does it?
Aqua isn’t one prone to anger, but back then, the prison guards had to escort him out of that visiting room. And if it weren’t for that fogged glass, he is certain the smirk on the face of the man who calls himself his biological father would have been long gone. To think he pleaded not guilty after all his crimes were broadcasted on national TV and exposed to the world — Kamiki Hikaru called out the liars while being one himself. It was like a match struck against Aqua's skin, igniting a raging fire that burned deep inside his soul.
You’re sick. I hope you rot in hell, far, far away from Ai. You didn’t deserve her.
And did you? You couldn't even save her. It's what his inner voice would say sometimes.
The weight of Kamiki Hikaru’s misdeeds will follow Aqua to his grave, and truthfully, it is said that it takes one to know one. In the end, they were cut from the same cloth and both of them were liars.
And neither will ever know true peace.
“Aqua.” It’s Kana's voice calling him from the living room. There is wariness in her tone and his shoulders square in response. “I think you should come and see this.”
One at a time. Each step grows heavier and heavier as he makes his way into the living room. Ruby's singing becomes distant and once effortless walking, now feels like a struggle, as if he is wading through quicksand. The distant hum of the TV provides a constant backdrop, but words and sounds seem to blend together, lost in a sea of white noise.
His mind is left in a blur. And as he enters the living room, his eyes fixed on the screen, Aqua feels a lump form in his throat. The emptiness seizing his chest only grows, a gaping void that threatens to swallow him whole. Lost in his own thoughts, all he can do is stand there, as the world around him continues to spin — and once the reality settles, the weight of his rage is almost unbearable and it feels like the air around him has turned to lead.
Arima Kana was the only one in the room, looking at him with pity in her eyes, but at the time, he could feel the entire’s world gaze fixed upon him. As if the universe had conspired to make him feel so small and insignificant.
And as the TV continued to drown out all the other sounds, Aqua felt like his mind might simply break.
[...]
There’s an eerie stillness when Aqua walks past the big white gate. The silence of the place is disturbed only by the occasional cold breeze rustling through the trees. The air is still and stagnant and even the rain is silent. It's the kind of silence that weighs heavily on the soul, making even the softest sound seem jarring and out of place. Every footstep on the gravel path echoes through the space, bouncing off the tombstones and mausoleums in a haunting symphony.
Aqua’s demeanor is somber and contemplative, the gray sky looking down on him and watching his every move as he makes his way through the rows of headstones. He pauses in front of one of them, his eyes fixated on the inscription etched onto the cold, gray surface.
And he stands there for a moment. Lost in thought, as memories of his mother flood his mind.
“It’s been a year,” he whispers, his voice barely audible. "And somehow I still can't bear the thought of looking at your face."
The silence seems to follow him like a cloak, wrapping him in its cold embrace. It's a silence that speaks volumes, conveying the weight of the past and the fragility of the present with a single, deafening voice.
And Aqua can't help but find it hilarious.
"How ironic, isn't it? Here you are, surrounded by the very thing you despise the most," he remarks with a low, bitter snort as he gazes around the cemetery. His voice is heavy with the weight of his resentment. “Silence.”
Oh, how fate can be cruel. It's a bitter irony that's not lost on Aqua, and he can't help but feel a sense of sour resignation as he takes it all in. The quiet of the cemetery seems to mock him, a cruel reminder of everything he's lost and everything he'll never get back.
Ai.
Reflecting on the day he received the news of his father's death, Aqua is seized by a surge of fury. Hatred crawling deep underneath his veins. Kamiki Hikaru was given a life sentence for his crimes, yet he had opted to take the coward's way out.
“I stand here before your grave, but frankly? All I want is to laugh at your pathetic name etched onto this piece of rock.” Kana is looking at the muscles of his back when she hears another snort leave his throat. She notices how it sounds a lot more similar to a plea for help than disdain toward his father. And it kills her. “You were a despicable man who took Ai's life and destroyed my family. You were given the punishment you deserved, but even that was not enough to pay for the harm you caused.”
She already struggles to hear those words, but the harder it is to watch. Kana can't bear witness to the dark star that kills his gaze and turns his once-blue eyes into a bottomless void. Dark, devoid of any emotion yet screaming a thousand curses. But mere feelings alone can't perform miracles and Kana remains powerless, trapped in her own private hell as she watches him struggle with the weight of his burden.
“You shattered our family and left us to pick up the pieces, yet even in the midst of my hatred, I can't help but feel sadness. Sadness for the mother I lost. Sadness for the family Ruby and I could have had. And sadness for the fact that, unlike me, you were the only one who really understood Ai.”
It's a painful fact: Aqua spent four years by her side, analyzing her every move and yet, even in her final moments, Ai remained a puzzle he couldn't solve.
“Yet, you couldn't be the one she needed. And now you've become nothing more than a memory in the minds of those who are pathetic enough not to move forward. Like myself.”
“Aqua—” Arima watches him with worry in her eyes, clutching her umbrella tightly and biting the inside of her cheek. She couldn't stop herself.
But he pays her no heed — her pity means nothing to him.
“Because of him, I lost eighteen years of my life, Kana.” Kamiki Hikaru is dead yet, the anger is still there, a raging fire that threatens to consume him. Aqua wants to stop, but he can no longer hold all the frustration within the confinements of his tongue. Arima isn’t supposed to be his atoning omen, but the idea of revenge blinds him. The mere realization that it slipped so easily from his fingers being almost too much to bear. “For eighteen fucking years I sought revenge, not knowing it was completely useless. A waste of my time. And why? Because he killed himself, Kana. That fucking coward killed himself.”
“Aqua.” Kana reaches out to touch his arm, but Aqua shoves her hand, jerking away from her. His umbrella slips from his fingers and it falls to the ground as if it were a mere nuisance.
It doesn't take long after that. The rain soaks his clothes, drowning out his heavy breaths and guilt suffocating his chest. His golden strands shine like the night stars, against shades of ugly gray that paint the scenery around them. And when their gazes meet, his eyes are alight with a dark ocean blue, a testament to his resentment.
"Don't touch me," he spits out. "You can't possibly know the depths of my hatred for that man."
For a moment, there is a tense silence between them, broken only by the steady pattern of raindrops hitting the gravel beneath their feet. Then, gradually, the anger begins to subside, replaced by deep, bone-weary exhaustion.
"I need to be alone," Aqua says, his voice barely above a whisper. "Leave."
And without another word, Arima Kana turns and walks away. And there is Aqua, standing all alone in the middle of the cemetery, left to experience the aftermath of his recklessness.
As his knees meet the cold, unyielding ground, the fabric of Aqua's suit provides scant respite from the sensation of jagged pebbles tearing at his flesh. The rain transforms the once-firm ground into a treacherous morass, as the muddy soil greedily swallows him. A profound sense of despair claws at this chest, as Aqua gazes upon the headstone of Kamiki Hikaru, feeling utterly powerless in the face of his death.
Tragically, he remains haunted by the ghosts of his past — his father's influence continues to sabotage his chance at happiness, driving away those who hold the key to his heart. In his soul-wrenching realization, Aqua is painfully aware of the fact that time is ticking — that Kana will not wait for him indefinitely. That he needs to get his shit together, or Kana will slip away from his hold, just like his revenge did.
And yet, despite his innermost longings, his words falsely betray the bitter loathing he feels toward her. In a fit of unbridled anguish, his fingers claw into the earth, and he hurls a handful of gravel and mud at the lifeless monument.
“This is all your fault.” Aqua bites his bottom lip and his dirty fingers close into fists. “Not hers.”
His hair clings to his forehead, drenched in the sky's tears. And as Aqua stood kneeled amidst the downpour, his body succumbing to the unrelenting rain, his eyes gave up their shine.
“I know.”
Only until he feels a jacket envelop his shoulders, shielding him from the cold and rain. And once he looks up, there she is. Puffy red eyes and her hand trembling, yet her grip on the umbrella she’s holding above his head doesn't falter.
Like the first morning sunshine penetrating the clouds. A beacon of hope amidst the gray, somber cemetery.
"I know," she whispers softly once again, offering him solace in her warm embrace when she crouches beside him. “And Ai knows it's not your fault either, Aqua.”
It's inevitable.
Like a grand house of cards, Aqua's walls crumble in an instant, the tears he tried to contain spilling over like a waterfall. It's fast when he clings to Arima, her clothes becoming his lifeline at the moment when he's most vulnerable. Her umbrella falls to the ground, but neither seems to care. The fabric of her dress stretches, soaked up by either his cries or the storm wreaking havoc above their heads. And while Kana carefully touches his blond tresses, the sound of the rain blends perfectly with his sobs, a symphony of nothing but regret.
“I'm sorry, Kana. I am so sorry.”
In that cemetery of loss, where the silence of the dead permeates the air, Aqua and Arima are devoured by their shared pain. Shared, because he's selfish. And today, he chooses to drag her into his life, forcing her to bear with him the heavy weight of a revenge that shouldn't have anything to do with her in the first place. It kills him, but he knows she won't let him go back on this decision. The world seems to fade away, leaving only their anguish behind, and the rain continues to pour down upon them, like a symbol of the heavens themselves mourning their loss.
But at that moment, as they cling to each other amidst the storm, there is a glimmer of hope. Aqua is no longer alone in his grief. And though the pain remains and the revenge is gone, he knows they will face whatever comes their way — together.
[...]
At the tender age of twenty years old, Arima Kana embarked on a journey to Miyazaki, a decision that would alter the course of her life forever. She was going to college. With a heavy heart, she abandoned her illustrious career as a then-idol, leaving Ruby and Mem-Cho with the arduous task of finding a suitable replacement for the famous B-Komachi group.
Despite the risk and uncertainty that had laid ahead, Kana was determined to explore new horizons. With an unshakeable resolve, she set out to carve her own path, free from the glitz and glamour of the entertainment industry.
As if.
Acting for her was more than just a passion. It was her true purpose in life. And though her teenage years hadn’t been kind to her inner artist, Kana wasn't known for being a quitter. And she would do whatever it took to fulfill her dream.
Which was performing on Broadway’s stages as a Japanese actress. Many had told her to lower her expectations, that the higher you dream, the bigger the fallout.
Yet as she ventured into the unknown, Kana embraced the challenges that had laid before her, ready to face them head-on. And with each step, she grew stronger and more resilient, a testament to her unwavering spirit and determination. Although she had left behind the comfort and familiarity of her former life, Kana had known that the journey ahead would be worth it, for she was pursuing a dream that burned brightly within her soul.
Why Miyazaki though? — one might ask — There are no acting courses at that University.
Ruby was the one who brought up the subject, and Aqua, at the time nineteen, distinctively recalls Kana plastering the ugliest grimace he has ever seen across her face before she answered.
“I can’t speak English.”
It struck Aqua as peculiar that despite Kana's flawless English singing, she struggled with fluency and confidence when it came to everyday conversations. The three stared at each other for long seconds, before the twins erupted in bursts of laughter.
“Stop fucking laughing! I need to learn English if I want to make it on Broadway!”
Let it be known, Aqua spared no effort in making fun of her for the days that followed, along with his little sister, of course.
It was a noble dream, indeed. However, as the time for Aqua and Kana to part ways drew near, they shared a bitter moment of farewell at the train station, marked by a single conversation, devoid of any deeper meanings. Whether it was due to the potential awkwardness of saying goodbye, or the fear of second-guessing her decision, Kana chose to avoid the hassle to address their current relationship altogether. With a sense of reticence and caution, she opted to leave things unsaid and allow the moment to pass without incident.
“I’ll allow you one last hug before I go.”
Except this one, because after all, she was a selfish woman. For Kana, the prospect of confronting the reality of their impending separation was way too daunting to contemplate. What if he falls in love with another woman? What if he chooses to leave Tokyo as well? Useless questions would plague her mind and she was content on ignoring them for once.
Despite the bond of affection and camaraderie that had grown between them, Kana remained steadfast in her conviction that they were merely friends, and nothing more. Though some might have seen her reluctance to consider the possibility of a deeper connection as a sign of emotional immaturity or fear of commitment, Kana saw it as a mark of her clear-headedness and practicality. For her, the value of their friendship laid not in any romantic possibilities it might hold, but in the shared experiences and deep sense of trust and companionship they had forged over the years.
When he looked at her as if he had seen a ghost, the contortion of his brow made Kana smile to herself. “Oh, but only if you so desire it, my dear Aqua.” With a sly tilt of her head, she spoke in a voice that dripped with sarcasm and feigned innocence, reveling in the playful banter between them. “Heaven forbid that I should presume to force myself upon your embrace as if we were lovers bound by some unspeakable passion! Nay! I assure you, my intentions are pure and my heart steadfast in its commitment to our treasured friendship."
A well-executed performance, indeed. Yet Kana couldn't help but sense a nagging doubt within. Despite taking pride in her acting skills, a voice in her head kept whispering pretty little lies. Telling her that Aqua saw through every last layer of her facade. They stared at each other for a moment, ocean blue meeting bright red.
And soon after, his eyes briefly flickered down, capturing a fleeting glimpse of her lips for a fraction of a second before returning to meet her gaze once more. Her eyes grew wide and her breath was caught in her throat. The realization hit her hard.
She wanted him to kiss her. Not hug her.
Kiss her.
But what was it that Aqua desired? The intensity with which his gaze traced her lips far surpassed their mutual comfort. Her comfort. It was a line Kana wouldn’t dare break — not right now. She didn’t wish to fool herself, nor did she want to succumb to the whims of her imagination at such an important moment. After all, Kana was about to leave for college. She couldn't afford to jeopardize everything for a mere infatuation residing solely within her thoughts.
Only in her thoughts.
“Arima,” he called her name, his voice barely registering a hint of his true intentions. It killed her — because despite being an actress, unlike her, Aqua could read her like an open book. It left her deeply unsettled.
And she despised it.
“Oh, the train is here,” she said, once the engine's thunderous rumble dwindled, eventually giving way to a gentle hum as the train came to a complete stop. It was a blessing from the heavens. Her final opportunity to hide from the scrutiny of his gaze that sent shivers down her spine. Backing away from the station pillar, her suitcase in hand, she tip-toed until her feet were right behind the yellow line. “I guess it's time to say goodbye.”
“Wait.”
Kana didn’t want to wait. Nor did she want to listen. Instead of bothering herself with unanswered puzzles, she chose to focus on the present moment, savoring the last few minutes of their time together and cherishing the memories they had created. Neither asked for more, after all, despite the teasing and banter that had characterized their relationship from the start, they both knew that their bond ran deeper than mere words and actions could express. And if Kana wanted to put labels on it — then no, she did not.
“See you in three years?”
Aqua had a frown plastered across his face, and Kana pondered whether she could feign ignorance without appearing overly conspicuous. Despite her heart’s protests, her brain opted for the coward’s way out and she turned around. Her knuckles became white from their vice-like grip on her suitcase as if it was her sole lifeline at that moment. It was frustrating, really, to bear the weight of those feelings that took root in her chest against her will. Despite knowing him for as long as she could remember, Kana had never been a viable option in Aqua's eyes. While being an idol was not in her plans any longer, it became the one and only reason their paths converged in their teenage years. Now that Kamiki Hikaru was in jail, Aqua had no reason to pursue a career in acting. Their connection had been cut.
She bit her bottom lip so hard, it might have drawn blood if not for what followed.
“I told you to fucking wait.”
In a moment that could only be described as a grand melodramatic theatrical piece, Aqua's arms engulfed Kana with an intensity that defied the laws of subtlety. A sudden burst of unapologetic audacity, as if he was allowed to play with her heart as much as he desired. One of his hands pulled her waist impossibly closer, while his fingers deftly entwined in the tresses of her hair, their touch igniting a tantalizing blend of pleasure that gave her goosebumps.
Her suitcase fell to the ground. And as if guided by a mischievous muse, his knee brushed lightly against the tender expanse of her inner thigh, sending a surge of heat that made her chest burst into flames. Unladylike sounds escaped her lips, defying all restraint as they burst forth from her mouth in a surprised gasp. Her breath was caught in her throat and as her body froze, a myriad of emotions danced within her. Confusion tangled with exhilaration, while a spark of hope flickered amidst the chaos.
When he lowered his head just enough to whisper in her ear, a gentle waft of ocean pine teased her senses, an ironic twist that left her melting like ice under the sun. And as Kana felt his breath tickle her skin, the eagerness that took over her became too much.
“Arima,” Aqua murmured softly, his voice carrying a hint of caution. "People are watching."
It was as if time itself came to a stop and Kana shoved him away. His statement pulled her back to reality, the weight of their surroundings crashing upon her like a tidal wave. Prying ears caught her unbridled gasps and the faint whispers of their shared intimacy. Curious eyes staring at them, some with a disgusted frown plastered across their faces, others with a tantalizing smirk on their lips.
“Great.” A woman in her early twenties. A photographer as well, if only the camera dangling around her neck was anything to go by. “Get a room, will you?” she muttered under her breath while exiting the train, her nose wrinkled and her eyebrows furrowed in disgust. Her piercing stare cut through the air, silently conveying a mixture of disbelief, betrayal, and simmering anger. It was as if a frigid gust of wind had swept through the station, chilling the atmosphere and leaving an unmistakable aura of disdain in its wake.
A true embodiment of the ice queen archetype.
Aqua and Kana watched her stomp away, while the train’s engine continued to roar softly in the background. Right behind her, a male passerby apprehensively smiled at them. “Don’t mind her! She’s not on good terms with her boyfriend right now.” And he too retreated, leaving them all alone in the wake of his departure.
Suddenly, as if a switch had been flipped, Kana's mind brimmed with a whirlwind of thoughts and questions. And with flushed cheeks and a racing heart, Kana's newfound anger reached the surface.
"What on earth do you think you’re doing?!”
He was cruel. In her quiet moments, Kana wondered if Aqua was aware of the storm he ignited within her soul, the flickering hope that danced amidst the ashes of shattered expectations. She questioned if he understood the fragility of her heart, delicately balanced between longing and self-preservation. Would he be oblivious enough to continuously play with her emotions, building her up only to bring her crashing down in the next breath? If only he could grasp the intensity of the flame burning brightly within her chest every time he touched her, would he still do it?
Despite a straight line gracing his lips, a mischievous glint danced in Aqua's eyes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Attempting to deflect her accusations, his tongue darted out playfully and it only further fueled her frustration.
Kana rolled her eyes, brushing off his nonchalant attitude as she tried to regain her composure. "Of course not. You always find a way to evade serious conversations, don't you? It's like you live in your own carefree bubble.” A sigh escaped her lips. ”I should’ve known better."
Aqua smiled in response. Smiled. A soft, barely noticeable curve of his lips, the twinkle in his eyes betraying something more. "I don't know. You could have been onto something there."
Her wide eyes looked at him for a long moment. Confusion and doubt clouded Kana's judgment as she struggled to decipher Aqua's true intentions. And as she wrestled with her mixed emotions, she couldn't shake off the feeling that there might be something deeper beneath his playful facade. Now that Kamiki Hikaru was in jail, what was Aqua trying to achieve? After all, his mission against him had been merely a personal vendetta; yet his actions ended up bringing justice to thousands — a crusade against the forces of oppression lurking amidst the entertainment industry.
An unwavering commitment to protect the voiceless and unveil the truth shrouded in secrecy. Was it intentional? Most certainly not. But now that the embers of vengeance for Ai's death had finally subsided, Aqua found himself standing at the crossroads of his own desires. The culmination of his self-serving quest to avenge his mother had left a void within him — a gap that yearned to be filled with something. Someone — more profound, more personal.
As he contemplated his own feelings, Aqua's gaze shifted towards Kana, whose indifference to his internal turmoil could not have been more apparent. Unfazed by the weight of his inner struggle, she made a conscious choice to set aside her doubts and uncertainties, plunging headfirst into her last act of self-indulgence.
This was what she wanted.
In that fleeting moment, time itself seemed to surrender to their connection, bestowing upon them a stolen moment of intimacy before the imminent departure of the train. Aqua, with his impassive demeanor firmly intact, felt Kana's slender arms encircling his waist, her fiery red hair casting a vibrant contrast against his dark attire.
Interest piqued, Aqua couldn't help but question her, his voice betraying a tinge of curiosity amidst his stoic facade. "What are you doing?" he asked, searching for answers within the depths of her gaze, but finding none.
“Hugging you.”
The world around them faded into oblivion. And so, they remained caught in the liminal space between what could have been and what was. Their connection, though palpable, remained suspended in the realm of unfulfilled potential, forever taunting Kana with what might have been. And as the sun cast its golden hues upon the vibrant cityscape, Aqua's gaze remained locked on her, his eyes tracing her every move as she took her final step onto the train to Miyazaki.
[...]
“Why?” Kana's voice quivered. Confusion — her brows furrowing in disbelief and her rage threatening to sweep away any remnants of her previous composure.
Is she hallucinating?
“It wasn't intentional.”
The hallucination talks.
“Oh, really?” The sight of Aqua standing at her doorstep felt like a cruel prank, a twisted joke that mocked the terms by which they ended their last conversation. The magnitude of her anger surged within her, searing through her blood vessels like molten fury. It was an unfathomable cosmic betrayal, a punchline so bitter and heart-wrenching that it left her momentarily speechless.
“Yes.”
Aqua's calm voice pierced through her bewilderment, his nonchalant demeanor contrasting sharply with the vein pumping against her forehead. His arrogance was maddening. The weight of her emotions made it difficult for her to find the right words, her voice catching in her throat as she struggled to articulate her pure shock. “You're telling me that I received a message from my landlord telling me I will have a new roommate at the start of the semester and it just so happens to be you?
“Yes.”
"Out of all people?” Her tone rose a few octaves, her incredulity spilling into her words as she closed her hands into fists, her nails daring to leave bruises on her skin. The memories flooded her mind, a tumultuous wave of emotions crashing against the shores of her heart. She had thought she had left him behind, buried deep within the recesses of her past. Their paths were meant to diverge, to take them on separate journeys of self-discovery and growth. Yet, here he stood, a haunting presence, disrupting the delicate balance she had fought so hard to achieve.
“Yes.” Aqua's response remained infuriatingly concise, refusing to delve deeper into the reasons behind his presence.
And it was her last straw.
“Don't just say yes!” Kana's tone crackled with impatience, her eyes narrowing as she demanded an explanation. The audacity of his detached attitude only fueled her fury. How dare he appear so calm, as if this unexpected reunion meant nothing? Did he not understand the turmoil he had left in his wake? “Why are you even in Miyazaki?!”
“I can explain if you want.” Aqua's offer, though veiled in detachment, held a glimmer of delight, and for a moment Kana assumed he was enjoying her miserable state of mind.
A year ago — could he have been really that oblivious to her feelings?
"Oh, and you'd better start quickly," Kana retorted, her voice laced with a mix of bitterness and determination. Her anger burned bright within her soul, fueling her resolve to extract the answers she sought. "Or else I'll make you replace every tear I've wasted on you."
Even if she had to sell her dignity.
The words spilled forth carelessly, laced with a bitter tinge of sarcasm. She couldn't help but question the cruel irony of their circumstances. Out of all the people who could have shared her living space, it had to be him. Three hundred sixty-five painful days have passed since they waved their goodbyes, yet the wounds once thought to be healed, were reopened, raw, and bleeding.
Kana's gaze bore into him, her eyes filled with a mix of anger, confusion, and a hint of vulnerability. But beneath her fiery anger, a part of her couldn't deny the subtle shift in Aqua's expression. The lines of his face tightened. A crack in his emotionless facade hinting at a deeper weakness within him that he so desperately wanted to hide.
Out of fear, perhaps? It caught her off guard, momentarily softening her resolve. His impassive demeanor faltered for a brief moment again, a flicker of something resembling amusement and surprise passing through his eyes. The corners of his lips twitching imperceptibly, a subtle hint of a knowing smile threatening to break free.
“You cried? Because of me?”
And as soon as it appeared, that raw glimpse of vulnerability she saw in his eyes was once again buried in the ocean he owned. As if it was never there. Dismissing the tricks her mind was playing on her, Kana refused to let her teenage feelings sway her. She had endured enough heartache and confusion at his hands.
This was not the time to dwell on past wounds.
She squared her shoulders, her determination resurfacing, as she reasserted her position. “That's not the point!” The tears she had shed were not the point. The point was the intrusion, the disruption of her carefully crafted world.
However, whether due to pure obliviousness or a calculated cruelty, Hoshino Aquamarine remained unaffected by the impact of his actions. It was as if he possessed a shield, impenetrable to the emotions and consequences that rippled through the lives of those around him. His indifference, whether genuine or feigned, only deepened the wounds inflicted upon her weak — and oh so, so weak heart. At that moment, she couldn't help but question the depths of his insensitivity, wondering if he truly comprehended the pain he caused her. Or if he reveled in it. Questioning if he enjoyed the power he held over her emotions. The dichotomy of his persona, the enigmatic blend of indifference and calculated choices, painted him as either an unwitting antagonist or a master manipulator.
And as Kana stood there, her heart heavy with the weight of his indifference, the sleepless nights she spent crying because of him flooded her memory. And in the end, she couldn't help but wonder which of the two possibilities was the more devastating truth.
“Either way,” Aqua said, meeting her gaze. His eyes held a piercing clarity, devoid of any discernible emotion or attachment. Like polished glass, they reflected the world around him with a detached gaze, observing without truly engaging. She wondered how could someone leave her feeling so invisible as if her presence held no significance. As if her tears were a mere nuisance. “I guess it wouldn’t have been the first time.”
No, it would have not.
[...]
Aqua's so-called "plan" had achieved its desired outcome, if it could even be labeled as such. In truth, he felt a twinge of remorse for the misunderstanding his actions might have caused Kana, for the false belief that he had come to Miyazaki for her sake. But the reality couldn't have been further from the truth.
His true motives lay elsewhere, buried deep within the recesses of his troubled past. A past life, to be more precise. Kamiki Hikaru's imprisonment was the bigger piece of a larger puzzle, an act of retribution for a life unjustly taken. Yet there was another soul — a very kind one, whose life was snuffed out too soon. Someone truly special, who had been denied justice and left to suffer in the absence of their loved ones' comforting embrace. Fate was cruel but so were the ones who did nothing to change it.
Haunted by guilt, Aqua knew intimately the weight of being a burden, for he himself had been the catalyst for his mother's tragic demise in his past life. If not for his grandmother's benevolence, he would have been left with no place to call home. In that regard, he considered himself fortunate, a survivor of circumstances that had claimed the life of another. Amamiya Gorou was lucky.
Sarina wasn’t.
And her mother was here. In Miyazaki.
The burden of guilt and the specter of his past choices weighed heavily on Aqua's shoulders, shaping his motivations and actions in ways that few could comprehend. It was a peculiar irony, one that Aqua couldn't help but find darkly amusing. Here he was, fully aware that his life had become entwined with the pursuit of vengeance, driven by the shadows of corpses long buried under the ground. But when his very existence revolved around the echoes of the departed, it became increasingly difficult to shield his eyes from the truth. The question was: could he ever run away from it?
To which extent was he truly blinded by the idea of revenge? Could he break free from the shackles of his grim purpose, or was he destined to be forever entangled in the web of his own making? Would redemption ever find its way to him?
Once again, he looked up and his eyes found hers. Haunting and intense, they held a mesmerizing power, akin to a wildfire raging within her very soul. Fierce, a flame so bright, which to his misfortune so much attracted him. One of the few who had a glimpse of the real Hoshino Aquamarine. For her, Ai’s secret was shoveled from where it had long been buried. For her, he had trespassed upon the sanctity of Ai's soul, violating the trust of his sister and betraying the memory of Ai the world held dear.
For her, for this enigmatic figure whose gaze held him captive, Aqua felt an inexplicable pull. It was a force that terrified him, drawing him ever closer to the edge. In her eyes, he saw the reflection of his own desires. The allure of her presence beckoned him to embrace it, to unleash the flames that burned within him without hesitation.
An attempt at having a normal life.
The mere idea of it felt like stepping into uncharted territory. It meant risking vulnerability, facing the scars of his past, and letting go of the burning desire for revenge that had defined him for so long. It was scary how he didn’t want to give it a second thought. Aqua was walking on a thin thread, knowing that a single step could plunge him into her world.
Arima Kana was the abyss waiting for him to fall.
[...]
As he steps into the house, a pool of water begins to take shape around his feet, dripping from his soaked clothes as he rushes inside. His umbrella lies discarded in a forgotten corner of the entrance left behind in the wake of his urgency. Drops of water spill forth like sparkling diamonds when Aqua shakes his hair while closing the door behind him.
“I'm home.”
Two simple words, infused with a mixture of exhaustion and relief. As if the weight of the outside world dissipates within the sanctuary of their shared space. When this place began to feel like “home” to him remains yet another riddle, but now he knows better than to resist what has been painfully obvious from the start.
He likes Kana.
Like, might be an understatement, a euphemism that fails to grasp the depths of what he truly feels. Aqua is obsessed with her. An unsettling, painful, incomprehensible obsession that consumes him entirely. Unhealthy even, much similar to his attachment to Ai — a disturbance that taints his every thought and action.
Aqua waged a relentless battle to deny it, to suppress the selfish part of him that craved something he deemed forbidden. Yet, despite his efforts, a persistent voice within him paid no heed to his rationality. And in the end, it was Kana herself who, with her comforting presence, silenced his logical self and sealed the deal on that day, in the cemetery.
But he's aware that deep within, he yearns for a semblance of normalcy. He longs to break free from the shackles of revenge, to escape the suffocating pressure of his mother's death that previously dictated his every move. He wishes to be just an ordinary guy in his twenties, embracing life as it should be lived. It is a longing that burns within him, a flame that refuses to be extinguished, no matter how hard he tries to quell it.
Thanks to Kana, he finds himself granted permission to pursue all of that and more. She became his guiding light, the catalyst that liberated him from the confines of his past. With her by his side, he feels the possibility of a normal life unfolding before him like an open road, beckoning him to step forward with renewed hope and purpose. In her presence, he glimpses a future untainted by vengeance, where he can explore the depths of love, friendship, and simple joys without the shadow of his mother's death looming over him. It is a gift he treasures deeply, a chance to rewrite his story and discover the person he was meant to be.
Perhaps this was what the mysterious entity wanted all along. A chance to allow him to let go of the past and create a new future for the man who was once Amamiya Gorou, whose life was snuffed out too soon. They recognized the potential within him, the untapped possibilities that could only be realized by severing the ties that bound him to his tragic history.
Yet amidst the hope and promise of this new chapter, a problem looms on the horizon, casting a shadow over Aqua's newfound aspirations. It's a problem that threatens to unravel the delicate balance he has finally managed to achieve.
Kana is always busy.
Between the demands of her classes, intense rehearsals, a lot of protagonist roles, and her active involvement in B-Komachi's YouTube channel, even after her departure — which is Ruby’s doing, as expected — Kana's schedule is suddenly packed to the brim. Or perhaps he had now just noticed it. There is hardly any room for respite or idle moments in her agenda. Each day is a whirlwind of activity, with barely a moment to catch her breath. From early morning until late at night, Kana is constantly on the move, juggling her academic responsibilities with her passion for acting. It is a relentless pursuit, a constant balancing act that tests her limits — and his as well.
Aqua glances at the clock mounted on the wall: eleven o’clock. Kana's classes were supposed to end at six in the evening. Assuming she had immediate rehearsals afterward, Aqua is pretty damn sure that five hours is more than enough to shoot at least half the episodes of a typical Japanese drama.
In the meantime, he took the opportunity to shower and prepare a hearty dinner for both of them. However, as Aqua's attention returns to the table, he realizes with a pang of disappointment that their once-warm dishes have now grown cold, untouched, and neglected. With a resolute sigh, he contemplates reheating the dishes, ready to seize any chance, no matter how small, to create a semblance of shared moments amidst their busy lives — but he quickly gives up on the idea. Instead, he turns on the TV and sits on the couch.
And oh, what a terrible decision it was.
The face that greets him is all too familiar, etched into his memory like an indelible mark. Red eyes, vibrant and captivating, glistening like precious rubies under the soft light. Their fiery hue dances with a mixture of passion and restraint, a reflection of the enigmatic soul behind them. The red hair cascading down her shoulders, flowing like molten flames, is a striking contrast against the backdrop. Each strand possesses a life of its own, swaying with grace against the soft breeze as if echoing the fiery spirit within her. Their color brings out a sense of boldness and individuality, standing out like a blazing beacon amidst a sea of mundane shades and framing her face, accentuating her features with a touch of allure and undeniable charm.
It’s safe to say Aqua is ultimately, utterly, absolutely fucked.
As cold drops of sweat drip down his neck, Aqua's hand instinctively reaches for a water bottle resting on the coffee table before him. His fingers tremble slightly as he unscrews the cap, desperately seeking comfort in the cool liquid. He takes a long gulp, hoping to quell the racing of his heart and steady the erratic rhythm of his breath, but it does little to help him. The sight of Kana on the screen has stirred a whirlwind of emotions within him, leaving him both exhilarated and unsettled.
Deeply unsettled.
“Should I confess my love or should I apologize for kissing you without your permission?”
Aqua's eyes grow wide his gaze fixed on the screen as the drama scene unfolds before him. Kana’s male counterpart — Miyuki, the protagonist of a popular drama that has been airing for the past month — looks at her with a subtle smirk on his lips. It sends a pang of jealousy through him, but it's the pain in his eyes that captures Aqua's attention. There's a depth to his portrayal that resonates with Aqua as if he's glimpsing the hidden turmoil beneath the character's facade. The pain in Miyuki’s eyes is a striking contrast to his usual lively personality, and his words hint at a deeper meaning, a commotion within him that can no longer be contained.
“What?”
Kana, in her role as Kaguya, delivers her lines with finesse and vulnerability, shining brightly amidst the dramatic backdrop. It's a perfect execution from her male co-star, one that allows her true essence to break through the confines of the script. Kana has come a long way since she moved to Miyazaki and Aqua is instantly captivated by her presence, his heart aching with a mixture of admiration and yearning.
"I like you, Kaguya. I like you so much that I can’t stop. I can’t pretend I don’t like you, either. All I can do is not show you that I like you. All I can do is keep begging you to like me. If I’m going to slowly distance myself from you, I think I’ll have to run really hard."
The words hit Aqua like a blow to the stomach, leaving him momentarily speechless. The air in the room feels heavy, his grip on the water bottle tightening involuntarily as his heart throbs against his ribcage. TV shows are all about the impact, Aqua knows, but the realization doesn't make it any less painful. He watches the characters' unspoken connection, their unfulfilled desires dancing between them like a delicate flame. To close the distance between them. To seal the moment with something more. It's a bittersweet moment, both beautiful and agonizing — to him.
And a perfect performance, nonetheless. One that allows Kana to shine through like a diamond amidst a dirty storehouse.
After all, Kana shines the brightest when she's drawing all the attention to herself.
“You don't need my permission.”
Kana's talent goes beyond the boundaries of the TV screen. She has the ability to touch hearts, to evoke emotions that linger long after the final credits roll. Love, hate, sympathy, disgust, happiness, jealousy. With each passing scene, the divide between their worlds grows stronger, leaving people yearning for a connection that seems just out of reach. And as the scene progresses and Miyuki and Kaguya's lips meet in an impassioned kiss, Aqua's grip on the water bottle tightens further.
His knuckles turn white. The sound of the plastic creaking under his fingers echoes in the room, and he keeps watching, torn between wanting to turn away and being unable to tear his eyes from the screen. The intensity of the moment grips him, and for a brief second, he forgets that it's just a scripted scene. The line between fiction and reality blurs, and the weight of his own hidden feelings becomes almost unbearable. He notices the slight blush on her ears. A tender vulnerability that stirs something deep within him. The way her lips meet his, urgently, impatiently — with a fervor that transcends acting. Her shy fingers all too eager to deepen the kiss when they entangle in her co-star’s hair, trying desperately to pull him closer.
It all might be a script, but the kiss certainly is not.
Jealousy seeps into his veins, mingling with an unspoken desire that he's been desperately trying to suppress for ages. The scene feels all too real.
It probably is Kana’s first kiss too.
The room falls into a hushed stillness when Aqua turns off the TV. The silence hangs in the air, thick with regret and painful resignation.
Yet, in the midst of this quietude, there's a sound. A single knock shattering the tranquility, jolting Aqua right back to the present moment. Like a lightning bolt in the night, it echoes through his thoughts and his heart skips a beat, each thud that follows reverberating louder. Faster.
"Who is there?”
Time momentarily stands still, as the knock lingers, leaving an electric anticipation in its wake and him on the edge of his seat. The three seemingly endless seconds that follow hang in the air, an eternity condensed into mere moments.
“Aqua?”
His skin ignites like a wildfire. Every fiber of his being tingles, his mind racing with a flurry of emotions at the familiar voice that pierces through the door, shattering the silence like a thunderclap. And then the voice speaks again. It's a simple plea, an innocuous sentence, yet it feels like a dream he might wake up from if he moves too abruptly.
“Aqua, are you there? Can you open the door, please? I forgot my keys.”
Pure stillness. He stands there, seated on the couch, caught between feeling hope or apprehension. His fingers twitch and his hand hovers in the air, wanting to reach the doorknob yet all too far to do so. But when her complaints reach his ears, his legs make a move before his brain has the slightest chance to think about it.
“Hello? I know you're in there, I can hear the TV. Just open the door, it's freezing in here and my clothes are soaked—”
The urgency in her tone pierces through his hesitation like a siren's call. The doorknob beckons to him, an invitation to unlock the barrier between them. It's as if a floodgate of emotions is unleashed within him, overwhelming his senses and thoughts until he can no longer hold it all in. Aqua can no longer deny the cravings of centuries, a spiteful yearning that pulses through his veins like a poison, consuming him. Telling him to get his shit together, before he loses her forever. Without a second thought, he springs into action, propelled by an invisible force that pushes him forward.
Don't let her go.
And with those words echoing through his mind, the door swings open, unlocking a path. An inviting cascade of possibilities — and Aqua won't let them go so easily this time.
“I was waiting for you.”
And there she is. Water droplets cling to her hair, their crystal-clear trails meandering down her face, tracing the contours of her delicate features. Her cheeks bear a rosy flush, a striking contrast against the paleness that lingers on her skin due to the cold.
Drenched and vulnerable. A delicate vulnerability that tugs at his heartstrings, because he will be the first and last one to ever bear witness to it, even if his life depends on it. Her usually vibrant aura momentarily subdued, as if the weight of her wet clothes and the chill in the air have conspired to cast a shadow over her radiant presence.
It doesn't make her any less beautiful.
“Waiting for me? Any reason in particular?” Kana is barely finished taking off her shoes when Aqua forcefully grabs her wrist and slams it against the door. Pain strikes, mixed in with confusion and panic when the impact sends a jolt through her arm. Her body freezes almost instantly, as a surprised gasp escapes past the confinements of her lips.
With wide eyes, their gazes meet, her pulse quickening as she tries to make sense of his barely suppressed aggression. His strong grip — the sudden shift in his impassive demeanor, both catching her off guard and simultaneously causing a flurry of questions to race through her mind.
“What are you doing?” she finally manages to breathe out, her voice laced with a mixture of confusion and a trace of apprehension. Her free hand instinctively reaches out, fingers brushing against the solid frame of the door for support, seeking some semblance of stability amidst the storm that rages within her.
“You've been busy.”
The air around them crackles with tension, their proximity now charged with an unfamiliar energy that hangs palpably in the space between them. Thick to the point where Kana thinks she can cut it with a knife. Her heart pounds in her chest, her breath caught in her throat, as she searches his eyes for answers.
And answers she finds, the hidden meaning behind them is what she dreads knowing.
“I'm sure you know why,” she says. The answer doesn't please him if only the way his eyes narrow into slits is anything to go by. A twitch of his brow. A flicker of determination mingled with a hint of vulnerability reflected in his blue gaze, creating a magnetic pull that both captivates and unsettles her. She feels her pulse racing beneath his grip, the warmth of his hand against her skin sending a shiver down her spine.
“Yeah, I just happened to catch you on the TV, in that new drama.” The inkling of a smirk takes over his lips, but Kana is pretty damn sure it is far from genuine. A mocking facade. It baffles her that Aqua thinks she would be foolish enough to allow his manipulation tactics to sway her mood — like she unwisely did when they were kids. “I thought you were better than that.”
Better than that.
Kana's heart fails her, her stomach turning into a bottomless pit, as Aqua's words pierce through her like a dagger. She meets his gaze head-on, his eyes turning a few shades darker in response — they shine with a mix of insecurity and something else she can't quite discern. Kana suppresses the urge to bite her bottom lip. It's a painful sight, one that unsettles her to the core, yet she maintains her composure, refusing to let him see the extent of her vulnerability.
Furrowing her brows ever so slightly, she tries to unravel the true intentions behind his seemingly casual remark with a smirk. "Is that supposed to be a jab at my performance?" Kana retorts, her voice steady and unwavering. "I didn't realize you were an expert critic now, Aqua."
A flicker of surprise crosses his face, momentarily caught off guard by her composed response. But he quickly regains his posture, his smirk turning into a forced smile. “You don't need to be an expert to realize it was an amateur scene. Who would've guessed the renowned Lalalie is the one directing the series? It's a shit drama.”
The subtle mockery in his tone stings like a thousand needles, hitting her where it hurts the most. She fights the urge to let her emotions betray her, maintaining a calm exterior as her eyes find his. His insinuation hangs in the air and she can see the arrogance simmering beneath the surface. While keeping their old passion for theater alive, Lallie chose to embrace modern times as well. And as of now they routinely distribute dozens of films every year into all national markets. They hired Arima Kana for her talent, and her willingness to do what is best for the team while also being able to shine as bright as the sun when she sets foot on the stage. To have someone she trusts wholeheartedly, Aqua out of all people — the first one to ever believe in her, when no one else, not even her younger self could—
It is disheartening.
But she won't let him see how much his words affect her.
“Is that all?”
Time stands still as they remain frozen in place, their eyes locked in a silent battle of who can hurt the most. But as her gaze remains fixed on Aqua, she realizes that there is something different in his eyes, something raw and unguarded that she has never seen before. Hunger. It both intrigues and unnerves her, stirring a torrent of emotions inside her. She waits, her heart in her throat.
But nothing could've prepared her for the words that followed.
“Was it your first?”
“What?”
The grip on her wrist tightens ever so slightly and when Aqua leans in — far too close for their mutual comfort — Kana is robbed of the oxygen she so desperately needs.
“Was it your first kiss?”
Unspoken implications linger in the air and Kana can feel the weight of his question, the intensity of his gaze piercing through her defenses. Panic wells up inside her, and she stammers.
“How is that any of your business?”
“Just fucking answer, Kana.” In a swift movement, Aqua brings his body impossibly closer to hers, their bottoms touching as he keeps on pushing her against the wall. A knee dives in between her legs and her breath catches in her throat. His fingers hold her so carelessly, not worried in the slightest whether her heart is made of glass. Utterly oblivious to the storm raging inside her.
They are sharing the same space, breathing the same air — and Kana can feel his exhales tickling her nose. It sends shivers down her spine and alarm bells ring in her head. She has never felt so exposed and inevitably, the walls she worked so hard to rebuild, inch by inch they start to crumble. “Fine, it was! But it's not like it meant anything, it was scripted and I don't know why I am telling you this when—”
“Did you like it?”
“What?”
His lips form a straight line, barely betraying what he’s feeling, if not for his words. “Did you like it? The kiss?”
He's a manipulator. If she didn't know better, Kana would've thought Aqua is jealous. A flicker of hope amidst this broken relationship — it all feels like a dream she will wake up from too soon.
And it kills her.
“Why are you asking that?”
“I want to know.”
“And how am I supposed to answer that?”
"Answer honestly.”
For all his genius, no one would congratulate Aqua on his common sense. He isn't oblivious, quite the contrary, he's too perceptive for his own good, always being able to read people like dark ink on white paper. It's frustrating to be on the receiving end of his boldness, for lack of a better word. “It was fine, I guess.”
“I said honestly.”
Her brows furrow. “You're a weirdo. I know it was scripted, but it was still my first kiss. It's not like I can brush it off like nothing happened.” A gulp of her throat when her voice quivers. “Besides, he's single and attractive. It’s not like it’s a sin for actors to fall in love.”
She is trying to hit it where it hurts most. No longer will she tolerate being ensnared by the illusions of her own mind. If Aqua is jealous — if Aqua indeed likes her back — then he will have to show her.
She isn't holding her breath for it to happen, though.
"Kana."
There it is.
As the days turned into weeks and weeks into months, it was only inevitable that they would eventually address each other by their first names, but Aqua was too stubborn for his own good. He would only use it in private if he ever used it at all. When she asked him about it, he'd said it was for her well-being, but it only left her with more unanswered questions.
Yet, this time, his voice carries an unfamiliar possessiveness, leaving her momentarily frozen in her spot. A tone she had either failed to notice before or consciously pushed aside, not wanting to let her hopes soar too high. But at that moment, with their faces mere inches apart, it felt as though Aqua's voice revealed a hidden truth as if he couldn't contain his feelings any longer. And when their eyes locked, Kana felt as if she could peer into the depths of his soul and understand everything that had remained unspoken until now.
“What? Aqua, let's be real here.” She lifts her chin and their noses almost touch. And although she is painfully aware of the butterflies wreaking havoc inside her stomach, their proximity is still the least of her concerns. “While it is true that I had feelings for you when we were in high school, times change. God forbid I hold onto a past crush forever. I'm not that foolish.”
He remains silent for a moment, his grasp on her wrist not faltering in the slightest. His gaze remains another mystery, fixated solely on her as if she occupies every corner of his mind. Yet, her attention wanders elsewhere, distracted by the unexpected scent of Ocean Pine that wafts through her nostrils.
It doesn’t make sense.
“You liked me in high school?” Tempting and hungry eyes staring right back at her, like a serene expanse of the clearest sky on a cloudless day. Each ranging from the softest pastel shade to the darkest ocean blue. A frightening comfort that her heart craves while her mind vehemently despises.
Kana feels like she might drown in them.
“Don't pretend you didn't know.”
They’re in Miyazaki, the countryside. Far, far away from the shore. Yet his unmistakable scent continues to embrace her, cocooning her in a comforting warmth. Like a familiar and cozy blanket.
But if she allows it, it continues to weave its way around her neck and shoulders, gradually tightening its grip until it becomes suffocating. Until she can barely breathe. Ocean pine — it clings to him, enveloping his presence with the essence of briny winds and sun-soaked seashells — pleasantly inviting until she sets foot in the waters. It defies logic and reason, how he comes to possess such an inviting and dangerous smell in a land untouched by the sea.
And it's absurd how her foolish heart repeatedly falls for it.
“You don't like me anymore?”
“I don't,” came the straightforward reply.
After all, Aqua isn’t the only liar.
“So if I kiss you right now, it won’t mean anything?”
Yet, unlike his, her lies shimmer as clear as polished glass. His eyes plead with hers, desperately seeking a glimmer of reassurance amidst a sea full of doubts and uncertainty. The question lingers, laden with unspoken desires and a longing that has been building between them for far too long. There’s a solitary moment, where time stands still, her sanity hanging in the balance, waiting for the punchline of some kind of twisted joke. With her heart teetering on the edge of collapsing, she braces herself for disappointment — something that will deny the reciprocation of her feelings of years.
It never comes. And it's then that she realizes it. If Aqua were to kiss her, it wouldn’t be a kiss born out of her own yearning. No longer a one-sided expression of her deepest desires.
It would all be real.
“If I touch you like this, will you tell me this means nothing to you, Kana?” His free hand roams over her rib cage, tracing invisible paths that set her skin on fire. His husky voice holds authority, boring traces of vulnerability and adding layers to his every word — sending shivers down her spine. When his thumb draws oblivious circles over her wrist, the hairs on her arms rise in anticipation.
She’s walking on a thin thread, so close to falling. But when his head lowers ever so slightly, his lips fanning over the sensitive skin of her neck, Kana instinctively closes her legs.
And Aqua doesn’t like it.
“Don’t.” At the same time, he says that his knee dives in again, forcing her legs to open. And Aqua bites.
Bites hard. Pain and pleasure become one — a throbbing ache coming from the fresh bruise on her neck, its rhythm mirroring the rapid beats of her stupidly anxious heart. A gasp escapes past the confinements of her lips and her free hand spontaneously grabs a handful of his hair, not knowing if she should shove him away or pull him closer.
“You want me to be real? I can be as real as you wish me to be, Kana. If only you had any idea of all the things I want to do to you, can you look me in the eyes and tell me it will all mean less than a scripted scene?”
Every passing second feels like an eternity, stretching boundaries Kana didn't know existed. Allowing her to indulge the selfish part of her she thought she had buried six feet under. The world around her fades into a distant blur, leaving only the two of them locked in both an anxious and exhilarating embrace of silence. It’s a blessed moment, a sacred quietude, where words become unnecessary. Her eyes meet his.
And then, in that electric stillness, her fingers entangle further in his hair, pulling him closer. A message that words could never capture, speaking directly to him. A silent invitation, a revelation of her desires, telling him everything he needs to know without uttering a single word.
And unlike his father, Hoshino Aqua doesn’t despise silence.
“Thought so.”
It’s swift and urgent when he kisses her, a whirlwind of desire that doesn’t seem to move fast enough. His mouth crashes against hers, a collision both gentle and forceful, his lips soft yet demanding. Challenging her. Staking his claim over her. Reminding her — no, ensuring that no one else will ever experience the taste of her lips quite like he does now.
And oh if she doesn’t live up to it. Perhaps Aqua is mistaken to believe he was a lunatic, pathetically obsessing over a girl he thought was so out of his reach. Foolishly fixated on a woman that should’ve been beyond his grasp, yet insisted on destroying the walls of his carefully crafted world. The truth is, Arima Kana is equal parts compulsive. Controlling and obsessive. And above everything else, absolutely mad for subjecting herself to the torment of waiting for a piece of shit who realized it all too late that he cannot live without her.
Her heart is erratic, beating in a frenzy while her chest rises and falls with a lack of any rhythm. Her lungs gasp for any air that remains, but she is too unwilling to create more than an inch between them, afraid the distance will become too much to bear if she ever allows it.
“Arima,” he whispers her last name unconsciously, trying to give her the room to breathe she so desperately needs. Aqua notices her struggle, but when does he not? His keen eyes don’t let anything escape past them and, for an instant, Kana wishes she wasn’t so weak for him. Because his touch alone has the power to submerge her. Enough to drown her, to forcefully propel her into uncharted waters until she loses sight of her origins. Yet, amidst the chaos he has unleashed, he refrains from becoming fully consumed, denying himself the luxury of indulging in a kiss driven by pure longing. He withholds, ensuring his hunger remains unfulfilled and the sheer frustration it evokes within her is unparalleled, surpassing any previous misfortunes she has experienced.
“Don’t you dare call me that.”
Her fingers entangle further in his hair and at the same time, she bites. A strike-back for all the suffering he has caused her throughout her teenage years.
And Aqua realizes that’s Arima Kana’s type of revenge, a silent rebellion where words remain unspoken but the regret it evokes within him is almost unbearable. He winces with a smirk on his face, his chest ablaze as he feels a thin trail of blood dripping from his bottom lip, which she promptly licks away with a frown. And oh, if Aqua doesn't find it hilarious.
So fitting.
“That’s pay-back. Don’t take it to heart, darling.”
“I wouldn’t dare.”
Oh, he would. And Aqua is willing to go to greater lengths to show her as much if only the way his tongue probs at her bottom lip is anything to go by. He has to prove himself worthy of her affection, or else all these years wasted on a second chance at life will remain worthless. Kana denies his tongue entrance to her mouth, a subtle act of defiance that goes against everything she craves. How prideful. But unbeknownst to Kana, Aqua is done letting her have her way with him, ordering him around as much as she pleases as some sort of cruel punishment. For this newly born relationship to thrive, a more balanced and equitable dynamic must be established, and Aqua isn’t one to hold his breath while waiting for it to happen.
"I like it when you're stubborn," he murmurs, however, before she can fully process the impact of his statement, her thoughts scatter into fragments as the hand that once held her wrist tightly wraps itself around her waist. Like a venomous snake waiting for his prey to be close enough to strike. And with those words echoing through her mind, her heart is left to wrestle against it in pieces, unsure if she should resist or surrender.
Aqua makes it easy for her to choose, though.
His other hand entangles in the vibrant tresses of her hair and he pulls. Hard. Gripping firmly, without any sign of regard for her attempts to shove him away when she realizes he’s got the upper hand. At the same time, his knee brushes ever so slightly against the tender expanse of her inner thigh and Kana feels like she might faint.
Her limbs are numb, rendering her helpless against the pleasure taking over every cell of her body. Her ears become flushed, her skin burning and her insides growing hotter despite the storm wreaking havoc past the confinements of those walls. The symphony of raindrops hitting the ground fills the silence, masking out the surprised gasp that leaves her lips in response to his touch.
“Got you.” Aqua seizes the opportunity to strike, shoving his tongue into her mouth without showing her any mercy. One of her hands grabs his shirt for support as he drives her up against the wall, effortlessly lifting her feet from the ground without having second thoughts.
After all, this probably isn’t the first time he has done this.
It is not fair. For years, she endured the pain of not being the chosen one. Whether in regards to acting or Aqua himself, it's irrelevant. In her darkest moments, Kana's mind conjured elaborate scenarios where she would assert her worth and make Aqua realize the gravity of his past choices. Vengeful fantasies of upstaging his ex-partner in the acting realm dancing through her imagination, each triumph more satisfying than the last. She yearned for the day when Aqua would finally recognize her talent and dedication, rendering his past relationship a mere footnote in their shared history.
But beneath the seething jealousy and thirst for revenge, Kana also harbors a deep longing for validation and true love. She yearns for Aqua to choose her, not as a means to brag over Akane or to satisfy her wounded pride, but out of genuine affection and admiration.
It isn't as easy as it seems, though. Jealousy seeps into her veins and it only further fuels her desire to stake her claim on him. To prove to everyone else, he’s hers and hers alone. When his tongue is done exploring every open corner of her mouth and Aqua takes less than a second to catch his breath, Kana lowers her head.
And without any hesitation, she sinks her teeth into his shoulder blade. Aqua immediately drops her, his hands coming to rest on the wall, on either side of her head.
“Kana.” She looks at him with feigned innocence in her eyes. Aqua is towering over her, a straight line gracing his lips as his eyes pierce into her soul, judging her despicable boldness. But Kana now understands not to rely solely on what lies on the surface, for she can see the true depths of something within him. Hunger. Raw and unguarded — wanting more but resisting the urge to indulge in such provocative acts too soon.
“What?”
“You really should stop biting,” he states, his tone devoid of emotion and his expression impassive.
Curiosity fills her eyes as she challenges him, her voice barely above a breathy whisper and resonating with quiet confidence when she asks: “And why is that?”
An unspoken invitation to push the boundaries further. The air between them becomes charged with a mixture of self-restraint and tension, leaving them both teetering on the edge of something. And what that something is remains a riddle.
“Because next time, I might not be able to control myself.”
An easily solvable riddle.