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You're in my world now, I make the rules
I say who lives, I say who dies
I push the button, I save the kids
It’s serene sitting on the tops of buildings, or maybe it’s just peaceful where the only voice he can hear clearly is his own. The voice is quiet though, stunned into silence. He’s been quiet lately. Miles just doesn’t have much to say anymore. That’s not it, it’s that he doesn’t know what’s left to say. He doesn’t know that what he’s saying is his own or something the universe left out for him. He feels like a ghost, haunting a home that he was never invited into. In this ghostly house there’s notes everywhere. Some useless with just the off random number. A vague 27, a neon 42. Some notes have physics equations that make him stare for hours. At least one note a day has something written on it. Something dumb like “yes and?” or “you’re me”. Those are the notes that make him silent. The notes that scare him into a type of solitude where he’s only accompanied by his rising heart rate. But today is different. There’s no blood rushing past his ears to join the melody of fear, only the sound of boots hitting concrete and metal clinking together.
On a normal day, or really any day where Miles hasn’t vowed to an oath of silence, he would say something. Or nod. Or just turn around like a normal person and look. But it’s not a normal day, it’s a I-think-I’m-a-massive-screw-up-but-I-can’t-be-because-the-universe-willed-all-of-these-things-to-happen day which means he’s silent and staring forward and refusing to acknowledge someone else who’s clearly scaled a building to watch him let his brain melt out of his ears.
“I don’t believe in consistency” The voice started behind him, it trailed forward as it continued “but something about this feels different”
Suddenly there was a shoulder next to him, and a knee laying on his thigh. Not mustering up the courage to break his vow just yet Miles looked over to Hobie once he’s gotten all settled. The two held eye contact for a moment before Hobie turned to look over the skyline
“’S nice here” He snuffed and looked back over to Miles “Looks like sunflower ain’t getting enough sun”
The absurdity of Hobart Brown calling Miles a sunflower gets him to crack a smile, which makes Hobie chuckle, and the flood gates are open.
“I’m the downfall of existence” Miles lets out with a sigh as he closes his eyes and leans back.
“Well, hello to you too” Hobie laughs out with his eyebrows rising to kiss his hairline. He turns to lean next to Miles, face firmly planted in his palm while his elbow lands close to Miles’ ear.
“Hello, how are you? I think I might be responsible for all death and decay”
“Sounds metal”
Miles squints his right eye open to get a view of Hobie. With the sun setting behind his head there’s a halo that rings around his hair. His eyes glow as they look down at Miles and he wears such an easy smile. Hobie’s eyes flit from place to place on Miles’ face as if they were greeting each feature. Miles has tried and failed to find the exact color of Hobie’s eyes in his sketches, they just look so alive. He looks so alive. He looks so content to exist in this moment with him, like if Miles requested it Hobie would place cups on either side of his head to catch all the melted brain goo and pour it back it. It makes him look like… makes him look like a note that ghost Miles would avoid in the haunted house. So naturally he avoids the thought now too. He avoids it so hard that he reverts back to his vow of silence. Closing both eyes, he turns on his side to fully face Hobie. He opens them slowly to find he’s the object of Hobie’s attention and shuts them again fast but lets them sit relaxed so he can look up at him through his eyelashes.
“Gonna give me any context?” Hobie quirks an eyebrow up as he says it.
Miles stares at him like he’s genuinely thinking about it. And he kind of is. Except he really isn’t. Outside of the whole vow he’s made up for himself he just can’t tell Hobie. Not that there’s anything wrong with Hobie. Only something wrong about the way he thinks about Hobie. How often. Something wrong about how it might be over before it began if he says something. If he says exactly what he’s thinking. If he starts with a “Can I tell you something?” and then keeps going and going and never stopping, not even to breathe. If he explains that outside of the knowledge of the multi verse, he just never felt like he was enough. He felt like he was just being tugged along and shoved into spaces that he could barely fill up. Like he’s lied to everyone he’s ever talked to, pretending to be the good kid, the artist, the promising son. Pretending to be someone worthy of the attention he couldn’t help but garner. But the thing is now he’s too much. He’s not being pulled, he’s pulling. His hands are tight on the rope of life and he’s dragging it through the mud like a careless child with one of their toys. But he’s not the universe, he’s a vessel for it. He’s a loose-limbed puppet that’s been strung up. Except, he doesn’t feel the strings, he’s stuck in a limbo that shows him as a weapon for the universe to play out its sick deeds and a master of his own twisted fate that ends with society in ruin. And while Hobie is very antiestablishment Miles knows himself well enough to be aware that he’d throw the word “destiny” into his little monologue and that is embarrassing enough to drop the whole thing. That’s not really why he drops the whole thing though. He can’t put a finger to why the drops it, but he feels himself in his head relax his hands and the thought drifts back to wherever it came from. He feels himself refocus his eyes on Hobie, realizing he must’ve let them glaze over during his aborted monologue. Hobie looks vaguely concerned down at him, and if only for a second his eyebrows are scrunched together. He looks… Miles will revisit that later.
“Nah”
“Figured. Fine fine I can guess what it’s about. Then again, I don’t believe in assumptions”
Miles turned, letting his back fall onto the concrete again and looked up towards the sky
“I don’t like feeling like this” He whispered to the clouds
“Easy enough” Hobie sat up as he continued “Gotta get the feeling out”
Miles sat up too, his neck craned so he could see Hobie’s face as he admired the skyline again
“How do I get it out?”
“Scream” Hobie says like it’s the simplest answer in the world, shrugging his shoulders absently
“What?” Miles let out loudly, standing up to pace around “Man you show up during my daily brooding session and interrupt just to tell me to scream? What kind of help is that?”
“Daily?” Hobie perks up at the admission
“Yes daily, what you don’t believe in time?” Miles continues before Hobie can retort “I come up here and I just… think”
“You mean feel bad, you come up and feel bad?”
Miles shakes his head, then stills it. The more he thinks about it he really does just come up to the building and bullies himself a bit. Or lets the universe bully him. Whichever one his brain has the capacity to focus on depending on the day. Maybe next time he’ll consider how often the universe makes him climb a building with the sole purpose of feeling terrible about himself.
“It’s not like that”
“No? Alright then scream”
“Why?”
“Cause if it’s not about feeling bad, if it’s really just the whole thinking bit then screaming shouldn’t be anything to you” Hobie stands up and trails behind him as he says it
“What do I scream?”
“Whatever you’re thinking, nothing feel bad”
Miles considers it. The whole screaming thing. He could scream and nobody would really hear him. Or hear him and pay attention. Plus, the only person that could get up there in time to do anything about it would be spider man. And there’s already two of them here so the odds of a third showing up are probably low.
“I’m not gonna yell when you’re just here listening”
Hobie makes a show of turning around and covering his ears with his hands. He looks back at Miles and winks then goes to staring at his shoes.
Miles lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding
“Come on any day now”
Miles huffs out a laugh and turns to the buildings edge, he looks at the buildings and calms his brain down before screaming at the top of his lungs
“I’M A FRAUD, AND NO ONE KNOWS IT BUT ME, I’M NOT REAL”
He lets his eyes close for a second, just inhaling and exhaling. His brain is quiet but not scared, more like at peace with itself. He can feel his blood pumping in his veins but it’s not the wave sound that drowns out in his ears. He feels good.
“PROPER METAL MY MATE IS” Hobie hollers behind him before practically tackling Miles. Hobie’s laugh is loud and boisterous in Miles’ ears, and he finds he prefers that to the blood rushing noise he’s accustomed to. Miles lets out a light laugh, verging on a giggle, but once Hobie starts howling into the sky a full-blown giggle leaves Miles without his permission. He feels his body sag a bit as the tension drains out into his laughs and he and Hobie land in a heap of limbs and noise. Hobie’s still content to laugh and let out whoops as he starts talking
“Right right I know that was yelling to New York not me but mate you’re very real. One of the realest people I know”
Miles sighs “I don’t know man; I swing around on webs and go by ‘Spider Man’ it’s not the most real profession” He leans back and finds his head cushioned by Hobie’s stomach
“You’re me! Am I real?” Miles can feel Hobie’s voice vibrate through his ear as his head moves with the rise and fall of his breathing
“Yea you’re real… real weird” Miles lets out another giggle as he says it
“Yes and?” Hobie replies, voice sounding deeper from where Miles’ head is
“And… Can I tell you something?” He picks his head up to make eye contact with Hobie. With those eyes he can’t quite find a color match to. He takes in his whole face, the way he smiles freely as the sun’s final rays shine on his face. He nods down at Miles and keeps his soft smile.
“I think this is destiny”
“Oh come off it mate, this another one of the feel bads?” Hobie laughs and shoves Miles’ head lightly
“No! really! Hear me out please” Hobie’s still smiling but his eyebrows are all scrunched up again. Miles lets himself think it’s cute this time
“It’s like the stuff, this stuff” He takes a breath “Us. It’s like this was written or something, like it’s all designed but. I just- Ugh how do I say it. It’s just. It feels fine when it’s you. I like saying all the destiny stuff when I’m saying it to you. Or you’re saying it to me. Or- y’know what I sound insane”
Hobie grabs his hands as he starts to feel Miles spiral. He pulls them to his chest, dragging Miles along with them. He speaks in a low tone as he looks into Miles’ eyes with a serious stare
“What do you think destiny has in store for us then?”
“Uh- I uh um. I don’t know” Miles stutters out
Hobie lets out a large exhale from his nose “Well I don’t believe in destiny”
Miles wilts a little in Hobie’s hold but doesn’t pull away
“No?”
“Nah, I’m a big proponent of free will”
“Like what?”
Hobie’s eyes trace their way around Miles’ face landing on his lips before looking back up. Their gazes meet for a silent conversation. Hobie’s eyes look contemplative while Miles’ looks hesitant, before there’s a flicker of determination. Miles looks down at Hobie’s lips, eyes spending an extra second or two appreciating the lip piercing. His eyes dart back up to Hobie’s before he starts to lean in. The process was slow, or would’ve been if not for Hobie’s free will
“Like this” Hobie whispers
He leans forward and their lips meet. For all Miles was expecting, Hobie is a really soft kisser. His lips feel plump and gentle as they mold to one another. There’s a give and pull that Hobie employs, making the kisses fluid, one bleeding into another. They could’ve been kissing for hours but for Miles it would never feel enough. Hobie pulls back slowly and looks into his eyes.
“I like that a lot more than destiny” Miles giggles out
“Wait until you hear my opinions on fate” Hobie sighs out before leaning back in for another kiss, hands moving to caress Miles’ face. Miles laughs into the kiss, and they break apart again just staring at each other. Hobie smiles down at Miles before letting his eyebrows scrunch up looking confused. Miles couldn’t help but kiss his nose. Hobie giggles before cocking his head talking through a laugh staring at Miles’ lips.
“Mate did you really say ‘destiny’?”
Miles lets out an exaggerated sigh “I’m never living that one down, am I?”
“Let’s see what fate has in store huh? But from me no, never living that one down”