Chapter Text
Elizabeth was not wearing shoes on the couch for the very first time.
They were but two weeks into their engagement, and had still yet to be married. There had been much to do - far more paperwork than Elizabeth could have ever anticipated. With the principal efforts out of the way, however, and with the wedding still another two weeks ahead of them, Elizabeth found herself with no other tasks for an evening than to curl up on a comfortable sofa and open her current book. And, she had dared to take her shoes off. It was her house, now, she supposed, and had left them on the floor next to her. Elizabeth drew her legs up beneath her on the couch, comfortably resting herself on the arm.
As she became more deeply acquainted with Mr. Darcy, she began to understand that he cared not for her ladylike politeness, which up until that point she had maintained only as a matter of proper behavior. Now that she was technically equal to his rank, and also knew him far better, she dared to venture into indecencies such as not folding her hands while seated, or stretching and yawning while near him. Darcy, likewise, had decided it was within their boundaries to drop some of his reserved behaviors, like fixing his hair with her in the room, or allowing her to see him in his less formal clothing. Once he had repressed a sneeze so hard that it came out anyway, and he had to quickly leave the room to wipe his nose.
These little ventures into their joined intimacy delighted Elizabeth, and each time something happened it caused a little flutter in her chest. She liked him very much, and every peek into his deeper personal life increased her affection, as she saw what an amiable and truly humble person he was.
Only a few pages had passed before Darcy entered the private study, accompanied by one of the senior servants. Darcy was already in some of his more casual wear, and was removing his long outer coat. They were finishing up some conversation.
“Thank you, Master Darcy,” said he with a sincere smile, bowing before intending to take his leave. “This takes much of the weight of the matter off my shoulders.”
Elizabeth found that she still felt a twinge of indecency for being curled up like this in the presence of one of the servants, but the discomfort was due to habit rather than to logic - she knew the servants would eventually see her in all sorts of states. Darcy bowed slightly as the other man left the room. Once the door had been shut, Elizabeth did seem to observe the stiffness in his shoulders drop, and his countenance grow more relaxed. He turned and addressed her with an irrepressible smile. “Good evening, Miss Bennet.”
“Good evening,” Elizabeth returned. She motioned to the large stack of books before her. “Are you here to join me in an extravagant night of literacy?”
“Perhaps. I seem to finally be done with today.” Darcy strode to the tower of books and began to peruse them. “You’ll be happy to know that through my childhood and adolescence, I did read many of the books in our library, but that enough have been added to its collection since that I have yet to read many more.”
“This is excellent news. You have the ability to recommend books, and also to join me in reading.”
Darcy picked up a book, and also noted the one she was holding. “You don’t need me to recommend books, evidently. You are reading one I particularly enjoyed. However, I would be obliged to join you.”
“Please do.”
He selected a smaller novella. Elizabeth was expecting him to sit in the armchair on the other side of the room, as had been customary through their recent acquaintance. He surprised her, however, in coming around the table to sit on the other end of her own couch. She felt the cushion beneath her shift as his weight moved it. He didn’t endeavor to also curl up as she did, but he did relax deep into the other arm and lean all the way back. Elizabeth hid a grin but flushed slightly. This was another new intimacy. A simple action, but one that clearly stated that they were more than acquaintances.
She did her best to focus on what she was reading, but in the otherwise silent room, besides the crickets and frogs chirping from the stream outside the window, she could perceive Darcy’s breath. Her eyes fixed on a page, she listened as it slowed considerably.
Finally she drew herself out of her involuntary spatial awareness and began comprehending the words before her. She had read a chapter and a half when Darcy startled her.
“Miss Bennet,” he said, sitting up rather suddenly, and with an air of having been discourteous, “Do you wish for any other cushions? Is your current position comfortable?”
She wasn’t at all expecting him to sound so concerned. “I - No, I’m quite comfortable, thank you. This is the way I usually sit, when I’m reading by myself. I wasn’t sure if removing my shoes was appropriate, but I figure this is not one of the more public rooms of the house.”
Wanting desperately to acknowledge her act of getting so comfortable in his presence, she added, “I don’t wish to be indecent. I’ve been attempting to gauge the acceptable amount of polite propriety I can have with you, since we are now engaged to be married… but I also know you very little. It is a gray area. I do not know if I am navigating it correctly.”
“Nor I, indeed,” said Darcy, turning towards her slightly. “There are no real customs concerning engaged couples, which I admit has been slightly nerve wracking. Usually there are rules one can follow, but apparently not here. I only wish to abide by your comfort, but it is an awkwardly direct question to ask, and I hate to seem too forward, lest you… change your mind, and again decide you’d rather not marry me.”
Oh! Elizabeth had to stifle a laugh; that he was equally baffled by what was appropriate! And that, at this point, he might still be in danger of losing her courtship, was also downright humorous. She saw that his face was growing slightly red, and he had been fiddling with the binding of his book.
“Mr. Darcy, I assure you that our marriage will be carried out whether you sneeze in front of me or not.”
A wave of relief seemed to wash over him. “I know you would need some greater justification for cancellation, to be sure, but - well, I do say - I’m not sure. I know not how to ask you these things.”
“Well. As we are to be married, perhaps we should talk freely about it. I don’t mind.” Elizabeth closed her book and turned to him. “The other day, when we were taking a walk around the property, I had taken the arm you extended for support. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I remember you then attempting to simply hold my hand. I wasn’t certain.”
Darcy turned a shade redder. “That was my object, and I do apologize; I did not mean to force it upon you. If I -”
“No, no, sir, I took no offense!” cried Elizabeth. “I also did not know for certain if you were doing so, and may have just made things worse by continuing to clasp your arm. But I would have - if not for -” She fought for the correct words. “I - I would like to hold your hand, for future reference.”
Darcy nodded. “Noted.”
In a moment of bravery, she extended a hand from where she sat.
“Hold it now, and then it will be second nature to us when we next take a turn about the pond.”
Mr. Darcy and Miss Bennet only seemed to touch hands when the former was helping the latter into carriages. Holding hands for no reason! How profligate, Elizabeth remarked internally as Darcy moved to the middle cushion on the couch. She scolded herself for how her pulse quickened.
He glanced at the door, to be sure nobody else would come in, and then gingerly took her hand. His hands were warm, and dwarfed hers.
Elizabeth knew not what to say. She was now sitting closer to him than she ever had before.
He shot her a small grin, before pulling his book back open with his other hand, and there they sat again in silence for some time. Darcy looked back to his book, but certainly seemed stiff, and almost uncomfortable, like he was afraid to move. Elizabeth also did not know exactly how to sit with him.
Finally Darcy burst forth, “Well, this won’t do. I can’t turn pages with one hand occupied.”
“A conundrum indeed,” agreed Elizabeth. “I do admittedly enjoy hand-holding, but it’s not very practical.”
They sat in awkward silence, and Elizabeth was assuming he would simply return to his corner of the couch. He colored slightly, unmovingly staring down, and did nothing. Elizabeth looked around, in case she was missing something.
Then he said:
“Would - would you allow me to hold you? So we could then have full faculty of our hands, but still - be together. Only if you desire.”
This request was uncharacteristically bold of Darcy, and he knew it. They had not yet begun sharing a bed, of course, or really been in any state of physical contact. But Elizabeth found after a moment that she really did want to be in his embrace. To be reading a good book, while safe in his arms, the stream bubbling outside while they lounged in his private study - this was in fact something of a great fantasy of hers. She did not expect it to become a reality so soon, but had no complaints, and easily, albeit nervously, gave her consent.
Darcy looked as though he had not been expecting an affirmative answer. “I - Well. Let me, uh, remove my coat. The buttons may be uncomfortable.”
“I can’t imagine it to be, I think it matters not,” said Elizabeth as he rose. Despite this, Darcy quickly and tossed his undercoat to the side. He was now wearing just his casual shirt.
He struggled to decide how best to sit down again, and Elizabeth watched in amusement as he shifted several times. Finally he put himself back in his corner of the couch, and motioned for her to sit right next to him.
Elizabeth had been, of course, very intimate with her sisters - in particular Jane, whom she had shared a bed with for many years. Never before, however, had she been in that situation with a man, and although she felt perfectly safe, she had no idea what to expect. As she placed herself next to him and felt his arm go around her shoulders, she noted that he was incredibly warm, and that the skin that was exposed to her was softer than anticipated.
His hand accidentally caught her hair, and his small “ah - sorry-” gave away his equal uncertainty. But, once they had settled into a comfortable position, she found it was perfectly easy to relax. The sensation of his heartbeat tangibly next to her was so lovely and wonderful. His head drifted to rest slightly on top of hers, and she felt quite protected on all sides by his embrace.
She even once endeavored to look him in the face, and found herself - frighteningly - nose to nose with him! Both of them turned immediately away, and also a deep shade of vermillion.
“Read your book, Fitzwilliam,” she prodded. “You have full faculty of your hands now; stop getting distracted.”
Fitzwilliam could not help but smile, and give her a slight squeeze.