Chapter Text
The whole ending up living at Avengers tower thing came out of nowhere, but so did Thor, and Aliens, and SHIELDRA, so…Darcy wasn’t as surprised as she could have been.
Two men in black, a StarkPad with a video chat open, and Pepper Potts on the screen was more than enough Darcy needed to leave London. Plus, Jane’s boo was staying there currently on ‘Avengers business’ so it all worked out.
The first few weeks there were phenomenal. She had her own room and apartment nearly bigger than, well…everything. Jane was taken with Thor for the time being so her intern- but not really anymore, since she’d graduated a while ago-duties were temporarily on hold…until Jane took one look at Tony’s state of the art labs…
The Twinsassins, as Tony called them which she easily adopted, shared a bit more of a bond with Coulson, may he rest in peace, and that’s how they managed to find common ground and work from there.
On nights she couldn’t sleep, Bruce would usually be up and they’d share some of his tea collection.
If she felt like being Smart Darcy and not Tag-along Darcy, she’d send Tony a message and they’d go back and forth on robotics and theory and music, and he even let her into his lab for opinions.
Thor was always willing to tell her stories and they were able to talk like the old friends they were truly becoming, that is, when he and Jane weren’t having their months long sexathon or whatever the hell else they got up to in their days long seclusions.
JARVIS was literally the coolest person ever. It felt weird calling him a computer, plus he was definitely sentient, so…
Steve was…not there. They didn’t speak much of his absence but she was pretty sure he was having a time of self-reflection while desperately searching for his lost best friend.
Also, in the gratuitous free time they had while the world slowly knit itself back together, she and Jane had poured over the files that had been released. While many of them were incomplete, they were easily able to put two and two together. Poor Bucky.
But all in all, life at the tower was great. She integrated well with Earth’s mightiest heroes. She was living rent free in the coolest building in the world. She hadn’t a food incident in over a year. She felt 100 percent.
And then, very dramatically and in the dead of night, Steve returned, along with Sam Wilson, and a very traumatized Sergeant Barnes in tow. Everyone spoke in hushed, somewhat frantic tones. Darcy delicately stepped away to give them some space but remained close enough to see what was going on. The subject of everyone's attention stood quietly at Steve's back. His arms remained relaxed at his sides and his eyes slowly took in the occupants of the room around him. His stance didn't look threatening but Darcy made no mistake of thinking he couldn't take a few of them out at a moment's notice, especially with the way Natasha was eyeing him from where she stood, eyes dark. Darcy was the last person to be the subject of his perusal, and she shivered when his cold eyes gave her a quick once over, probably dismissing her as a threat. Her ice cream plopped back into the quickly melting bowl.
Then Maria Hill made an appearance on their floor and he was whisked away, Steve, Sam, Bruce, Tony, and Natasha with him.
That small, late night glimpse had been the last she'd seen of him for the next two weeks.Days at the tower went on as well as it could, what with the giant cybernetic elephant in the room. She occupied her time with everyone else. A useful Darcy was a less stressed one. Jane got back to Science!, Sam Wilson was an absolute treasure to be around, she and JARVIS monitored various Avengers themed blogs as a slight foray into the more public relations side of things. It was...okay.
She still didn’t get formally introduced to Steve but she figured he was pretty busy at the moment.
Life was still relatively simple and easy going.
Until the first team dinner, Bucky included.
He was incredibly withdrawn, sticking close to Steve but not touching him. He sat sandwiched between Steve and Sam, eyes staring blankly ahead of him. He didn’t respond to anyone and didn’t seem to follow any of the conversation, or perhaps he was, but knew how to make it seem like he wasn’t.
Darcy got swept up in the American Beauty that was Steve Rogers for a few moments while they were introduced, but then she was drawn to Bucky again.
He cleared his plate in record time and returned to staring blankly ahead. There was something different though. Something...off. He swallowed thickly every few minutes but other than that, he made no other moves that relayed any discomfort. But. She watched, trying her best not to be obvious. After a few moments of sitting stiffly, he excused himself. Or more accurately, up and left.
Steve went to follow him but Sam shook his head. “Give him a bit of space, man. You can't follow him everywhere.”
“JARVIS can see him anyway,” Tony said with a shrug.
Darcy absentmindedly kept up with the conversation and continued eating her food.
He did it again the next dinner.
And the next.
And the next.
The slight, heavily concealed behaviors were familiar enough to Darcy that her heart sank deeper and deeper each time, and as she looked around the table at her friends, it seemed that this specific issue was perhaps the ONE THING only she had a bit more insight on. For once, she was seeing something they weren’t. And it was personal.
Oh poop.
~
Around the seventh time, because Darcy was definitely counting, she put almost all of her focus on him. She watched the way he cleared his plate, quickly and methodically, like he wasn’t tasting anything or enjoying it either. He then sat stiffly in his seat, hands clenched on his thighs while he stared ahead. For a moment, a small break in his routine, his eyes locked with hers, acutely aware of her intense focus. She held his gaze for a few seconds before looking back down at her own plate. None of the others tried to include him in their conversation this time, as per Steve’s earlier request. In his words, this was a bit of a bad day.
He looked intensely focused, and every few minutes, he clenched his fists tighter. This time the group was definitely more aware of his discomfort, as there were sly glances abound, but Darcy was sure as tits they still had no idea what exactly it was that had him so visibly affected. How could they, though? A guy with his history? The list was probably longer than a CVS receipt.
After a few more minutes he got up and left without a word.
Oh boy.
Of course, there was still a chance she was wrong! Maybe she was overreacting! Projecting her own experiences onto him! The mind was trippy like that. But...Darcy’d learned pretty young to trust her gut. When she was 8, she’d begged her mother to take her to the ice cream shop and the woman refused, saying her gut told her not too. Later that day, they saw on the news that a gas leak had caused the old place to explode, nearly killing everyone inside. It'd been an incredibly traumatizing experience for little her, and from there she always took her mom's word, and gut feelings to heart.
So hell, she decided to trust it again. She waited few minutes later, then feigned tiredness and left the table.
“JARVIS, where’s Bucky?” she asked, once she was hopefully far enough away to avoid being heard.
“Sergeant Barnes is in the bathroom in his bedroom, Miss Lewis,” he replied in a softer volume than normal, definitely picking up on her body language.
Ah, just as she'd suspected.
Shoutout to guts.
“Can you take me to his floor, please?”
“As you wish, though I must warn you that I’ve been muted in his room, per his request.”
“Yeah, I figured as much. I think I’ll be alright. Thanks for the heads up, Jarv.”
“Certainly.”
She arrived on Steve and Bucky’s floor, quietly entered the apartment, and stopped before his room door.
“I’ll holla if anything, JARV. And can you send me an alert if anyone comes this way please?” she mumbled, before knocking and walking in. The door to his bathroom was shut, and she took a quick glance around the room. It was nearly barren and impeccably clean, like no one lived there at all. Damn, they couldn't help him spruce it up a little bit? She frowned before heading to the bathroom door and knocking softly.
“Hey, Bucky? It’s me, Darcy, the glasses girl. Mind if I come in?”
No answer.
She kind of wished he was more verbal because she wanted his complete consent to invade any privacy that he was still getting used to. Right before she knocked again, Bucky opened the door and stared down at her, blue gray eyes piercing.
She blinked, forcing herself not to take a step back.
Dude was really intense.
“Hey…” Darcy said with an awkward wave, “Um, mind if I sit on the edge of your tub?” Like a complete weirdo, she added mentally.
He stared blankly down at her for a few more moments, probably confused as hell, but then stepped aside anyway. She scooted past him and did just as she'd said, making herself comfortable on the marble ledge. Bucky stared at her while she tilted her head back and stared at the ceiling above her. He peered outside into his room before cautiously shutting the door behind him.
Cue the tense silence. It's not like she could expect him to be the one to break it. Oof. Darcy knew there was a way this topic was properly approached but damn if she knew exactly how to do it. She didn't have a professionally knowledgeable background like Sam and there was no way to ask him about it without seeming suspicious herself. Plus she had a feeling that she and Bucky both shared the desire for secrecy.
Darcy was a really great secret keeper. Like, top tier.
So once again, she went with her gut.
“Just throw up."
Yikes. She plowed on.
"It's like, not the best and I know my old therapist would beat me over the head if she knew I was telling you this but like...just throw up. I know you're full. Like, too full, and it's sitting heavy in your stomach and you feel like you're going to vibrate out of your skin...fuck. Just...just throw it up. You'll feel better.”
Holy crap. She had a moment of split second panic as the silence persisted, and she forced herself to lean forward to meet his eyes.
Just keep going, she thought.
“I mean, your stomach at least. Your noggin though,” she softly tapped her knuckles against her head, “not so much. That's where the real problem is, right now. But you probably know that already, don’t you?”
Bucky stared at her for a moment longer before walking to the toilet. He slammed the lid back, dropped to his knees, and vomited in one smooth motion. Darcy whistled lowly, walking over.
“I’m gonna rub your back. Is that okay? It’s…more comforting than you’d think.”
He didn’t answer, and Darcy hesitated, once again deciding to go with her gut. She gently rubbed his back as he retched again. His hair fell further forward and she grabbed an elastic from her wrist, pulling his hair back and securing it.
“Yikes,” she whispered.
He shuddered under her hands, gagging and spitting more, before taking a deep breath and scooting away from the toilet.
Done then, she hoped.
Darcy walked around and flushed the toilet before returning to her spot on the edge of the tub. Bucky shifted so he was facing Darcy again, balancing on the balls of his feet, hands hanging limp against his knees.
“How’s that tummy?” she asked, once again being the one to breaking the silence.
He blinked.
“Yuuuup. I’m gonna get you something real quick. Do you mind waiting?”
He sat down in reply and she gave him a thumbs up as she walked out.
“JARV, does Steve keep any ginger ale up here?”
“In the refrigerator, Miss Lewis. If this is indeed for Sergeant Barnes, I recommend giving him in unopened can. His body language seems to suggest he prefers it.”
“Always have my back, huh JARV?”
“Most certainly, Miss Lewis. I’d also suggest plain crackers, located on the third shelf in the pantry.”
“Did Tony teach you to read minds too?”
“I learned it as a hobby,” he responded dryly. She snickered softly, grabbing two cans and a packet of crackers, balancing them carefully and heading back into the bathroom.
Darcy returned just in time to see Bucky spit in the sink. He wiped his face and caught her eye in the mirror, glancing at the things in her hands with suspicion.
“Okay, so JARVIS told me you prefer things unopened. Ginger ale and crackers are like, Oscars and Meryl Streep for like, nausea and stuff. At least for me and…most people? Hopefully it works for super soldiers too."
She placed a can near him, sitting down on the luxury tile. “Criss cross applesauce,” she mumbled to herself as she settled down and crossed her legs pretzel style. Bucky mirrored her position and watched her open up the snacks.
He didn't partake until she did.
“Want some crackers?” she held a few out and he stared at her for another moment, taking them and munching slowly.
“Soooo…you wanna tell me what’s up? With the whole, ‘hurling thing?” she asked, mimicking retching noises.
He stared at her unblinkingly.
“Hm,” she said in response, chewing as she thought. “Well, I have a few issues in my head too. Sometimes I, um, make myself throw up. Been doing it since I was a kid. It’s…a mind thing. It’s all kind of jumbled up in here. I’m a lot better though. At least, I hope I am? I don't know if its something you really get over. More like, continue to work through. Uphill battle. Was that a thing people struggled with, way back when?”
He cocked his head to the side.
She was starting to ramble. Her earlier confidence, if that's what that'd even been, was failing her. And well, because, people didn't really know this about her. Only two. Her old therapist, who she'd run from, and her mom who would check in often. More often than usual because, you know, her daughter was chillin' with billionaires and Gods and dealing with aliens and the government was literally hacked by Hydra and…whoa whoa whoa. Deep breaths. In, and out. In, and out.
Her phone vibrated and she grabbed it, checking if someone was on their way. Instead was a text from Jane, asking where she was. Yeah…her palms were sweaty enough to make the phone slippery, and it was probably time to make a quick exit.
Be there in a few – D
Time to go. “Keep it a secret for me, alright? And feel free to like, tell me whatever, whenever.”
She chugged the rest of her drink and crushed it, tossing the rest of the crackers Bucky’s way. He caught the package easily, and watched her as she rushed out.
Why the hell did I tell him that, she wondered, (panicked, really) to herself as she left (fled) Steve and Bucky’s apartment.
Inside the bathroom. Bucky stared down at the crackers in his flesh hand, looking between them and the open bathroom door.
~
That night, after tossing and turning restlessly in bed, she gave up and opened her laptop, letting Star Trek take the reigns. She got up to the part where Spock and Kirk were confessing their undying love to each other when JARVIS interrupted the feed.
“Miss Lewis, Sergeant Barnes is in the elevator headed towards your floor.
What!?
Darcy slammed her laptop shut, jumped out of bed, and threw on a pair of sleep pants before running towards the elevator and slipping on the wooden floorboards. She made it just as the elevator dinged. Darcy hardly regained her balance as the doors opened, revealing Bucky in a cotton long sleeve, sleep pants, and combat boots, hair still done up in the hasty bun she'd pulled it into earlier.
He stalked out of the elevator as the doors closed, eyes seeming to glow in the dim lighting of her apartment.
“Uhhh…” she said eloquently.
“I don’t like the way food feels in my stomach. Feels like it don’t belong. So I throw it up,” he confessed emotionlessly.
Her eyes widened even further, glasses falling low on her nose.
Holy.
Crap.
Shoutout to guts.