Work Text:
Work in progress ;)
written as Will’s perspective the whole time.
Mikes spring break trip to California hasn’t gone according to plan. We barely kept in contact all summer, it seems selfish I just wish he’d talk to me more.
I don’t know what’s going on inside his head and yeah I mean if my girlfriend got sent to jail i’d be pretty uptight too. I’m being selfish making it about me though. Sometimes I miss the old times, before I went missing, playing Dnd in his basement. He won’t even look at me anymore, he just sees El. she’s all that he needs. So it’s important I be there for him when she can’t. It will probably kill me from the inside out but I need to fix this. If it comes down to it, i’ll bury my feelings because El— she’s been through so much and I care about her so much. Mike would hate me for the truth anyways, wishing I could be who he wanted.
So here we were in the back of Jonathan’s friends pizza van, which I’m sure the company is wondering where it went. One of my hands clutching a painting and the other is fidgeting with my sleeve.
Neither of us had uttered a word in mere hours. The tension is almost visible in the air at this point. Just us two in our button up shirts looking serpeare ways. But I’ve got to give Mike this painting. To remind him, us of the simpler times, before we found out about the upside down, before I was taken there. It seems like my life stopped the day I went “missing” if you could even call it that. I never adjusted to normal after being taken down there. like a part of me was left down there, a part I don’t think i’d get back. Maybe it was my innocence or something else, doesn’t matter now.
I made a bullshit joke about El making us super rich and we’d never have to work, we could just play dnd and nintendo for the rest of our lives. Not sure how well Mike took the joke tho.. he said yeah then looked away and paused before saying “totally”. So I just tried to reassure him.
“We’re gonna make it Mike, she’s gonna be okay”.
to be met with,
“yeah— I know- I know she is…. but what if after all this is over…. she doesn’t need me anymore”.
I couldn’t process it all and I guess my brain started blurring the lines between me and El. And there I was again. Speaking for me, as her.
“Of course she’ll still need you, she’ll always need you Mike” I managed to squeeze out.
He looked pretty comfortable after that. I tried to let in a smile back but inside it hurt you know? To talk to someone dear to you about another close to you but cover it up as you. ( I feel like this is an original experience. )
Mike let on a whole list about El and her superness. Not even sure that’s a word. It just reminded me of my inferiorness. Also not sure that’s even a word.
“You’re scared of losing her” I put out.
it’s true he’s afraid of losing her. Id be afraid of losing him, we both love him so I guess it’s the same.
I had to give him the painting. Lifting my hand I show him it.
“Can I.. show you something”
nod
he looked mesmerized. I felt so happy like I was glowing.
“this is— amazing. You painted this?!”
“Yeah I mean El asked me to.. she basically commissioned it”, What a lie. I couldn’t tell him I was the one who thought of this.
So I let on with it,
“The point is -- see how you're leading here? You're guiding the party.
Inspiring us. That's that's what you do. And your coat of arms here-- it's a heart. And I know it's sort of on the nose but -
- that's what holds the whole party together. Heart. Because see, without heart, we'd all fall apart. Even El. Especially El. These past months, she's been.. lost without you. She's so
different from other people and... it's really scary to be different.
because when you're different... sometimes you feel like a mistake.
I poured my heart out, like each and every brush stroke on that painting, I danced my way around the words of “El” and “She” and spoke my truth but from another’s point of view.