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I wrote this while sleep deprived please enjoy
“What up, Boims!” Mariner exclaimed, waking her fellow ensign.
“No one on our shift is up, Mariner. Neither am I,” Boimler said groggily.
“Yeah, yeah. Anyways I’m, like, super drunk right now and I really don’t feel like climbing into my bunk. Move over.”
“What.”
“Move over!”
“It’s like less than 5 feet to get into your bunk.”
“That’s 5 feet too many. Move over.”
“What? Fine, I’ll get in your bunk and you can have mine.”
“No. Move over or I’ll tell my mom about your holodeck program with the bears.”
“How- fine whatever, just…” Boimler moved over a little and Mariner flopped down next to him. Boimler blushed at the close proximity.
“Cool, thanks. Goodnight.”
Mariner immediately fell asleep and Brad spent the rest of the night nervously sweating and staring at the back of Mariner’s head.
---
The next day, during their lunch break, the two ensigns ignored the bartender who was definitely spreading rumors about them sharing a bunk and sat in the far corner of the room.
“I went to Tendi for an anti-hangover hypospray, and, get this, she was running tests on her padd to see what a biological kid between her and Samanthan would look like!” Mariner grinned.
“What? No way.”
“Uh, yes way! She didn’t even hide it from me. She genuinely has herself convinced that she was doing it for fun scientific curiosity or something. You know how she loves messing with DNA and stuff.”
“Well, what did the kids look like?”
“They looked perfect. I have no idea how Tendi and Rutherford aren’t together yet,” Mariner stabbed her spaghetti with her fork for emphasis.
“Damn. Do you think they even know they’re into each other?” Boimler laughed.
“I doubt it, I don’t think anyone is as oblivious as those two! I mean, imagine being in love with your best friend and not even knowing,” Mariner rolled her eyes.
“Especially when that best friend is also definitely in love with you too! I know I’m not the best at relationships but even I’m not that bad!” Boimler shook his head.
After lunch, there was a red alert! Everyone scrambled to get to their stations, trying to fight off the Q or the Borg Cube or the horny space slugs or whatever was happening this time.
Boimler and Mariner fought their way through a hallway before Beckett grabbed Brad by the arm and dragged him into a storage closet.
“What the hell, Mariner?” Boimler whined. “We need to get to our stations!”
“Yeah, but I’d rather you do your thing here in private,” she crossed her arms.
“What thing?”
“Getting emotional during a red alert.”
Boimler was about to respond when the ship shook violently, causing them to slam against the wall and then fall on top of eachother. Boimler coughed up blood from no injury in particular.
“Gross, I just cleaned my uniform!” Mariner huffed, sitting up.
“Mariner, in case we don’t make it…” Boimler sniffled.
“We’re going to make it, you’re such a drama queen,” Mariner sighed.
“Fine, I won’t say it then.”
“What? No, don’t leave me hanging like that, man!”
“Alright, well, in case we don’t make it, I wanted to tell you-” Boimler sighed, but was cut off by an announcement.
“Alert, all crew members need to evacuate immediately! The Cerritos is about to crash into a planet!”
“Again?!” Mariner complained. She helped Brad up and they booked it to the nearest shuttle.
They couldn’t make it out in time, however, and they crashed into the planet.
---
The two ensigns woke up, injured but alive. Mariner checked her surroundings.
“A cave? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“All we need now is some weird sex or violence virus,” Boimler sighed, bandaging his wounds.
“Oh, that would get me a win on my bingo card!” Mariner perked up.
“Damn, I can’t lose Starfleet bingo again!”
“Snooze you lose, Boims. Anyways, what were you saying before we had to evacuate?”
Boimler blushed and looked away. Mariner opened her mouth to tease him, but froze.
The arch for the holodeck appeared, freezing the program.
“What the hell, Boimler! Stop simulating me in the holodeck, it’s weird!” Mariner stormed in.
“Computer, end program,” Boimler sighed, standing up and stretching his no longer injured arm.
“You even get your ass kicked in simulations? That’s sad,” she teased, punching him in the shoulder.
“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.”
“I came to tell you we’ve arrived for shore leave. Earth shore leave sucks for me, I don’t have anywhere fun to visit. I’ve decided on your behalf that I’m your shore leave buddy this time! I’m going to meet your family and figure out where they went wrong.”
“I hope you’re allergic to grapes,” Boimler mumbled, walking past her out of the holodeck.
They proceeded to have a night-time picnic and watch the stars or something because Boimler is a country boy. Then they kissed, had kids, and became captains of a ship or whatever.
The end.